PLEASUREMANLibretto by Mike Levin

ACT ONE

Scene 1

Riverview Park, Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania. It is evening and the skyline shines in the background. There is a bench, some shrubs and trees. People stroll about and cross the stage. GRACE walks on and addresses the audience. Other people listen to her message and join in the singing.

“SUPERHERO”

GRACEWHO IS GOING TO FILL MY NEED?WHO IS GOING TO HELP ME DREAM?WHO IS GOING TO TAKE MY HOPESAND MAKE THEM REIGN SUPREME?

I WANT A BOY WITH SOME MUSCLESAND SOMEONE WHO HAS A CLUEHE HAS TO BE KINDA NORMALAND A METROSEXUAL TOO

I WANT A SUPERHERO TO MAKE MY LIFE COMPLETEI WANT TO MAKE THE FICTITIOUS REALI HAVE MANY DESIRES THAT JUST NEED A SIMPLE GUYA GUY WHO RIDES IN A SUPERMOBILE

(CHORUS disperses and continues to engage in “park activities”. MAYOR BIGGS and OFFICER FRIENDLY enter on opposite sides of the stage.)

MAYOR BIGGSGood morning, Officer Friendly.

OFFICER FRIENDLYGood morning, Mayor.

MAYOR BIGGSAnd a swell morning it is, isn’t it?

OFFICER FRIENDLYWell, I don’t know, Mayor.

MAYOR BIGGS What seems to be the problem, Officer?

OFFICER FRIENDLYIT TURNS OUT WE’VE ALL BEEN LIED TOA LIFE IN CRIME CAN REALLY PAYTHE MAN IS GOIMNG T0O EAT YOUGREED IS THE ONLY WAY

MANKIND SURE NEEDS FIXINGPRESCRIPTION DRUGS THEY JUST DON’T WORKYOUR MOM CAN ONLY DO SO MUCHYOUR DAD JUST WORKS AND WORKS

MAYOR BIGGSI didn’t know you were a philosopher.

OFFICER FRIENDLYI’m a regular Socrates.

MAYOR BIGGSAnd a pessimist?

OFFICER FRIENDLYMy half-over life sucks.

MAYOR BIGGSA superhero, huh?

OFFICER FRIENDLYA real superhero.

MAYOR BIGGSThat’d be different.

(THEY exit. A TRANSIENT comes enters as does SCOTT MORRIS during the song.)

MR. MORRISWOMEN TEND NOT TO NOTICE MEI AM JUST AN AVERAGE GUYWHAT IF I COULD PICK UP CARSOR WHAT IF I COULD FLY?

MAYBE THEN THEY WOULD DIG MEBUT I JUST DON’T HAVE ANY FLAIRI’M SURE IT WILL ALL COME TO ME

WITH THE COSTUME I WEAR

I’LL BE A SUPERHERO I WONDER IF THAT’S TOO WEIRDWILL WOMEN THINK THAT IT IS TOO SURREALI’LL BE A SUPERHERO BUT I’M SOMEWHAT AT A LOSSI’M MADE OUT OF FLESH NOT OUT OF STEEL

(CHORUS reconvenes.)

CHORUSWHAT ARE WE TO DO?WE’RE LOST IN THE WILDERNESS.WHERE IS OUR XANANDU?WE WON’T TAKE ANY LESS.

SUPERHERO WHERE ARE YOU?SUPERHERO WHERE ARE YOU?

CHORUS MR. MORRIS

WHO IS GOING TO FILL OUR NEED? I AM GOING TO FILL THEIR NEEDSWHO IS GOING TO HELP US DREAM? I AM GOING TO HELP THEIR DREAMSWHO IS GOING TO TAKE OUR HOPES I AM GOING TO TAKE THEIR HOPESAND MAKE THEM REIGN SUPREME? AND MAKE THEM REIGN SUPREME

WHERE ARE THE MEN WITH BIG MUSCLES? I AM A MAN WITH NO MUSCLESWHERE ARE THE GIRLS WITH GREAT I’M NOT A GIRL WITH A GREAT

PHYSIQUE PHYSIQUEWHERE O WHERE IS THE MUTANT FREAK WILL I BE ABLE TO CUT ITTHAT WE CAN PUT TO THE TEST? WHEN I AM PUT TO THE TEST?

WE WANT A SUPERHERO SOMEONE WITH FLASHINESSWE WANT A SUPERHERO ONE WHO WILL NEVER REST

(The following lines are spoken by various members of the CHORUS as the CHORUS sings:)

WHERE IS THIS PLEASUREMAN?WHO IS OUR PLEASUREMAN?GIVE US SOME PLEASUREMAN?AAAAAAH

ACT ONE

Scene 2

Central High School. Scene opens on a class as MR. MORRIS is teaching his high school senior English class Byron’s classic, Don Juan.

MR. MORRISNo more – no more – oh, never more, my heart,Canst thou be my sole world, my universe!Once all in all, but now a thing apart,Thou canst not be my blessing or my curse.

(Closes book.)Lord Byron. Love bites. Love bleeds. It lives. It dies. And Don Juan has consciously vowed that he is flipping the switch and turning his heart off. Can you imagine being in that state?

STUDENT #1The state of boringland?

MR. MORRISSpoken like a teenager, Mr. Anderson. How could you ever consider this boring?

STUDENT #1Too many thee’s and thou’s.

MR. MORRISImagine someone in 200 years trying to interpret the way you speak. I don’t even understand you now. But imagine someone trying to read one of your love letters.

STUDENT #2You mean Anderson knows how to write?

MR. MORRIS Look past the language. While you might not get every nuance, you’re still going to get the umph of the message. Now, have any of you young, innocent adolescents ever been in love?

STUDENT #3Well, Jason’s pretty hot.

MR. MORRISI’m afraid that is lust. I’m talking about the place where life and love are one as Don Juan speaks? Where your passion burns so hot that you place ice on your heart and it evaporates instantly to steam?

STUDENT #4Mr. Morris, are we allowed to talk about this stuff at school?

MR. MORRISThis “stuff” is the greatness of literature.

STUDENT #4It sounds pornographic.

MR. MORRISLet it seep into your veins. “Beauty is truth. Truth beauty. That is all ye know on earth and all ye need to know”. John Keats. Where are some of the places you find beauty?

STUDENT #5Snowboarding?

MR. MORRISIndeed.

STUDENTSArt? Food! Nature. Farting? Cosmo.

STUDENT #3Books?

MR. MORRISBrown nosing will get you an A in this class, Ms. Quinn. You know that. Where do you find beauty, Mr. Johnson?

BARRYUh … chicks?

MR. MORRISAre you trying to suck up, too?

BARRY(Sarcastically.)

Duh: No. Chicks are hot. Or not. But they can be hot.

MR. MORRISEloquently stated, Mr. Johnson.

(Bell rings.)Canto II for homework over the weekend. Make sure you have a cold shower nearby.

(The class starts to leave as BARRY approaches GRACE and JUDE hangs in the back of the class.)

BARRYGrace, meet me for lunch.

GRACEReally?

BARRYBarry Johnson means what he says and he says lunch.

GRACEOkay.

BARRYI’ll pick you up at the nerd table. And, you’ll have to buy my lunch again today. I’m a little short on cashola.

GRACEOkay. I’ll see you then.

BARRYIf you’re lucky.

(BARRY exits.)

JUDEHey, Grace.

GRACEWhat’s up, Jude?

JUDEListen I was kind of wondering if you were doing anything this weekend.

GRACEWell, I’m kind of … busified … I think Barry …

JUDEHey, that’s okay. It wasn’t like I was asking you out on a date or anything I was just wondering if you wanted …

GRACEYeah. No. Hey, I’ll see you around.

JUDEBiology. Monday. First period. Right. Sorry.

(GRACE exits. JUDE looks sullen as MR. MORRIS approaches him.)

MR. MORRISYou know, I think she digs you.

JUDEAre you trying to make a grown teenager cry.

MR. MORRISCome on. There’s a vast ocean of women out there, tiger.

JUDEBut Grace is different. I don’t know why she even talks to Barry. She’s so much classier …

MR. MORRISBuck up. That’s nothing. Mark my words, prom is coming up and you’ll go with Grace. If you do your homework and read up on Don Juan.

JUDEWhatever. Later, Mr. M.

MS. BROOKS(Who has been standing in the doorway:)

How much do you charge for relationship advice?

MR. MORRISStandard teaching fee: Fifty-two cents an hour.

MS. BROOKSWell, you’re quite the psychiatrist. I’ve thought about going into the field.

MR. MORRISActually, therapy’s overrated. Did I ever tell you my therapist went crazy on me.

MS. BROOKSNo. What happened?

MR. MORRISShe told me all my addictions were bad for me, so I walked out on her.

MS. BROOKSI have to ask, what are you addicted to?

MR. MORRISI’m not sure I should be telling this to the principal. But, let’s just say I used to be a lot more neurotic than I am now.

MS. BROOKSNone of this was on your resume when I hired you, was it?

MR. MORRISCheck my transcripts. Introduction to the Neurotic Teacher was the first class I took. You ever met a normal teacher?

MS. BROOKSGood point. We’re meeting down at the pub for drinks. You coming?

MR. MORRISBoy, I’d love to but I’ve got … a thing?

MS. BROOKSWell, you better schedule in next week. If you don’t start throwing drinks down, you are fired, mister.

MR. MORRISHave a good weekend, Rebecca.

MS. BROOKSYou too, Scott.

(MS. BROOKS leaves and MR. MORRIS checks at the door to make sure everyone has left. And he begins to change into his PLEASUREMAN costume.)

MR. MORRISI SHALL BRING PLEASURE UNTO THE WORLD. MY TONGUE PRONOUNCES THE CREED, MY EYES SPEAK OF LOVE, MY HEART IS FULL OF PASSION, MY HEAD REELS WITH THOUGHTS OF PLEASURE.

(JUDE reenters the classroom, presumably to retrieve something he left there.) I AM …

JUDEMr. Morris?

MR. MORRISJude?

JUDEWhat are you doing?

MR. MORRISI was … not … I’m getting ready for class.

JUDEWhat kind of class are you getting ready for?

PLEASUREMANWell, that’s complicated, Jude.

JUDEWhy are you wearing that?

PLEASUREMANThis?

JUDEYeah.

PLEASUREMANWhy am I wearing this?

JUDEWhy are you wearing that?

PLEASUREMANLet me ask you something. Have you ever heard of Pleasureman?

JUDEThe new superhero guy? I thought that was just a rumor. Are you him?

PLEASUREMANWell …

JUDEGet out. You’re him, aren’t you?

PLEASUREMANI am he.

JUDEBoy howdy! I mean, wow! It sounds so dirty … Pleasurman. What, what, what kind of pleasures do you give.

PLEASUREMANWhatever people need.

JUDEThat is so bizarre.

PLEASUREMANJude, it’s going to be hard, but you know you can’t tell anyone.

JUDEI gotta tell everyone. I can’t believe this.

PLEASUREMANTruth is stranger than fiction.

JUDEThere’s so many questions. Why … why … well, why?

PLEASUREMANThe perennial question: why? To answer that, I invite you to join me in my crusade.

JUDEWhat?

PLEASUREMANJoin me. Every night is a cornucopia of adventure filled with scrumptiousness.

JUDEI don’t know, I’m just …

PLEASUREMANOverwhelmed? Is your mind blown like a pocketful of dynamite?

JUDEActually, I’m a little freaked out. You’re my teacher. I’m supposed to look up to you.

PLEASUREMANYes … and now you shall be my disciple. I will teach you the ways to bring pleasure to the masses.

JUDEEven Grace?

PLEASUREMANEspecially Grace.

JUDEOkay, I’ll do it.

PLEASUREMANBut first we must find you a name …

JUDEA name?

PLEASUREMANAnd a costume.

JUDEWait, wait, wait. I am not dressing up in any costume. You look ridiculous.

PLEASUREMANYou must. It is with anonymity that we superheroes perform.

JUDEIt’s hard to believe …

PLEASUREMANI want you to remember something: with image, comes talent.

JUDEDoes mine have to look like that? I mean, can I at least attempt to look groovy?

PLEASUREMANAbsolutely. Of course, we’ll have to coordinate our colors and styles. I mean, I can’t be an autumn with you a spring. Naturals and pastels clash like a mother. Let me retire to the theatre department and see what I can find.

(HE leaves.)

“I THOUGHT HE WAS NORMAL”

JUDEThis is odd, Really strange, Kind of Twilight Zone-y

GEE, MR. MORRIS IS A FREAKWHAT A TRIPPY WAY TO END THE WEEK

IT MIGHT JUST BE THAT I’M IN LUCKOR THAT ALL LOGIC’S RUN AMOK

BUT IF WHAT YOU SAY IS TRUETHEN WHAT AM I TO DO?

This is weird, Really freaky, Definitely new

DOES HE REALLY DRESS UP AT NIGHT?AND THIS WHOLE YEAR I THOUGHT HE WAS UPTIGHT.

MAN, MR. MORRIS I DON’T KNOWTHIS BREAKS THE TEACHER-STUDENT STATUS QUO.

BUT IF WHAT YOU SAY IS TRUETHEN I MIGHT FOLLOW YOU.

AND I THOUGHT HE WAS NORMALI REALLY THOUGHT HE WASN’T WEIRDAND NOW A BOND BETWEEN USHAS APPEARED

Who would’ve thought? This could happen? To me?

YET I’M AFRAID I JUST CAN’T SEEHOW WEARING FUNNY COSTUMES WILL HELP ME.

MY PARENTS MIGHT BECOME DISMAYEDI WONDER IF THIS WILL AFFECT MY GRADE

BUT IF IT’S ALL I CAN DOTHEN LET ME FOLLOW YOU.

AND I THOUGHT HE WAS NORMALI THOUGHT I WAS NORMAL TOOLIFE’S ABOUT TO BECOMESOMETHING NEW

THIS CHANGES WHAT I AM TO BETHIS CHANGES EVERYTHINGINCLUDING MY DESTINYWHICH I THOUGHT WAS NORMAL TOO.

ACT ONE

Scene 3

Riverview Park. PLEASUREMAN and EROSBOY walk on stage.

PLEASUREMANHow do you feel?

EROSBOYI feel like an idiot.

PLEASUREMANThat too will pass. You are ready to go - Erosboy. Do you know what eros is?

EROSBOYWell, the Romans identified him with Cupid. But originally he was the Greek god of love.

PLEASUREMANIndeed. It’s important to know our roots. My first choice for your name was Loverboy, but I’m afraid the stigma of bad 80s songs is simply too much, even for a superhero.

EROSBOYDo I get any weapons?

PLEASUREMANThe only weapons you’ll need are aphrodisiacs.

EROSBOYBoy howdy!

PLEASUREMANOkay, now our journey begins. Rule of pleasure numero uno: pleasure must feel good. You have an instant to look at the person and, BAM, that’s what would give them satisfaction, happiness.

(A GIRL and her MOTHER walk on.) Ochimama. Here goes. Watch closely. Mental notes.

PLEASUREMAN(HE jumps in front of THEM.)

Would you like a balloon animal, little girl? (The GIRL screams and starts crying.)

MOTHERWhat are you doing? Get away from my daughter you creep.

PLEASUREMANYou lack understanding, madam. I am a superhero.

MOTHERYou freak.

PLEASUREMANCall me what you must. But I for one am a “freak” who is prepared to fight for pleasure.

MOTHERYou sick monster. What is your problem? Thanks for upsetting my daughter, jerk.

PLEASUREMANCan I make you a giraffe? How about a silly little hat?

MOTHER(And SHE takes GIRL by the arm and drags her off stage, calling:)

Police! Police!

PLEASUREMANYou see, Erosboy, people aren’t used to receiving pleasure, so they sometimes resist it. They would rather be wrapped up in their big hunk of 9-5 cubicle world than to take pleasure in a balloon animal.

EROSBOYAre you sure we can’t get arrested?

PLEASUREMANMaybe. Quite possibly. However I put an itty bitty word called faith into my work. But we must be careful. That little girl may be in therapy for years because mommy wouldn’t let the funny looking man make a balloon animal for her. She has been denied - pleasure. And she will pay the price.

(A MAN walks across the stage.) Ah. Here comes an average looking gentleman. Quick. What would bring him pleasure?

EROSBOYI don’t know. Maybe a compliment?

PLEASUREMANGood thinking. Here goes.

(PLEASUREMAN walks up to the MAN. EROSBOY hangs back.)Sir, might I say you are looking handsome this beautifully moonlit evening. Very debonair.

MAN #2Who da hell are you?

PLEASUREMANI am Pleasureman.

MAN #2More like … gayman. Get lost.

(Exits)

PLEASUREMANYou were right, Erosboy. That man needed a compliment.

EROSBOYAre all your interactions this bad?

PLEASUREMANAs a teacher in the public school system, I deal with constant rejection, so I know a lot about it. A lot. With the public, it merely begins as denial. But that man is walking away thinking, “Wow, some guy dressed up in a strange costume thinks I look handsome. And, hey, I do look good. I’ve been losing weight. Got a haircut, fresh shave. I am a hot potato.” In the moment, he merely expresses it as homophobia. Do I accept that? Absostinkinlutely.

EROSBOYI guess I have a lot to learn.

PLEASUREMANOh, you do, Erosboy. You do.

(WOMAN #1 walks across the stage. PLEASUREMAN pushes EROSBOY into the distance, perhaps behind a bush.)

PLEASUREMANAve Maria. What do you see?

EROSBOYA woman?

PLEASUREMANIndeed. Lovely and fearful, so it is with the female persuasion. This is where I do my best work.

EROSBOYOkay, good luck.

PLEASUREMANLuck? Luck is for those without skill.

(Calls out.)Madam, I have seen you. I admire you. I desire only you.

(Looks around, SHE ignores it. HE says it again, a little louder.)

Madam, I have seen you. I admire you. I desire only you.

WOMAN #1Hello? What are you doing behind the bush? If you’re doing what I think you’re doing …

PLEASUREMANI have seen you. I admire you. I desire you, Madam.

WOMAN #1You are a man of few words.

PLEASUREMANI am straight to the point.

WOMAN #1Your eyes. I never saw such eyes.

PLEASUREMANDon’t be afraid of them.

WOMAN #1They’re so … so …

PLEASUREMANYes. They are. So very so.

WOMAN #1Who are you?

PLEASUREMAN‘Tis the hour of love and I am Pleasureman.

WOMAN #1You have one heck of a name to live up to.

PLEASUREMANIf my name is love. Freedom. Pleasure. And it is. Literally. Well, then, yes, I suppose I do have a big name to fulfill.

(Pulls out a kiwi.)

WOMAN #1Come home with me. I hate to sleep alone.

PLEASUREMANWhy?

WOMAN #1I’m afraid of ghosts.

PLEASUREMANThat’s abstract. Young lady, you move so fast. Let us first partake in the eating of a kiwi under the quarter gibbous, silver-slivered liquid moon.

(THEY stroll off.)

EROSBOYPsst! Hey! Pleasureman! I don’t believe it.

(Pause) I’m out of my comfort zone. What the heck am I doing? I can’t believe I’m wearing this. In Riverview Park. What was I thinking? Pleasureman?

(LIBERATA and SUFFRAGIRL abruptly enter the scene.)

LIBERATAHey! You! What’s the E stand for?

EROSBOYWhat?

SUFFRAGIRLLet me guess: You’re with him.

EROSBOYWho?

LIBERATAThe heathen?

SUFFRAGIRLThe pervert?

LIBERATAThe pig?

EROSBOYListen I’m just … I have no idea what I’m doing or why I’m here. I’m kind of just … I want my mom.

LIBERATAYou do look young to be a superhero. Are you his sidekick?

EROSBOYI guess?

LIBERATAI can’t believe how absolutely ticked off I am now. It’s not enough that he jumps on the superhero bandwagon, but then he has to take you on. What’s your name?

EROSBOYErosboy.

LIBERATAI want to vomit all over you. I swear, I will squash you into oblivion, Erosboy, I will. And it looks like it won’t take much. It’ll be as easy as …

SUFFRAGIRLScooping the hairball out of a cat’s mouth.

(PLEASUREMAN enters.)

LIBERATAIt’ll be that easy.

PLEASUREMANWell, well, well …

LIBERATAI think I should be saying the same thing.

PLEASUREMANI thought I heard the voice of an angel nearby.

LIBERATADon’t pour your sugar on me. Save it for another bowl of cereal.

PLEASUREMANOh, I’m pouring sugar, sister. Raw, unpasteurized, honey sweetened sugar and I’m pouring it all over your cereal.

SUFFRAGIRLToo much sugar makes the baby go blind.

PLEASUREMANNope. Lost you there.

SUFFRAGIRLDoesn’t take much.

PLEASUREMANThe labyrinth of love I call Liberata has pulled me away from a sweet encounter. But you can’t enter the park without me feeling my senses on maximum overdrive. It must be … yes … Did you eat beef for dinner?

LIBERATALittle you know. I’m a vegan. Too much injustice in the meat industry.

EROSBOYWill someone please explain what is going on?

LIBERATAI am Liberata. The liberator of the human race and fighter of justice.

PLEASUREMANAnd anti-pleasurite.

LIBERATAPleasure and justice are too big to be in the same area code.

EROSBOYReally? It seems like they could coincide.

LIBERATAHow little you know.

SUFFRAGIRLYeah. His diaper’s showing through his tights.

LIBERATAThis is Suffragirl.

EROSBOYSuffergirl?

SUFFRAGIRLSuffragirl. I take my name form the suffragette movement.

EROSBOYWhat’s being a superhero got to do with voting?

SUFFRAGIRLIt’s just like a boy not to know anything. Suffrage is the power of expressing one’s choice.

EROSBOYThat’s … that’s … complicated.

SUFFRAGIRLSo is expressing one’s choice.

EROSBOYWell, I appreciate that. But for the sake of your superherodom, perhaps it would help the general populous for you to change your name.

SUFFRAGIRLI’ll change my name when people change their naïve, media-driven ways.

EROSBOYHuh. Y’know, you’re pretty hot in that getup. And that whole domineering woman thing is downright sexalicious.

SUFFRAGIRLIf you say that again, I will shove my utility belt …

LIBERATAYou never told me you were taking on a sidekick. Are you trying to breed offspring in order to bring more perversion to this fair city?

PLEASUREMANTrying and succeeding.

LIBERATAAnd how many people did you scare away tonight?

EROSBOYTwo so far. But he just scored with this pretty hot …

LIBERATAAnd who was she? Some delinquent? Some poor defenseless girl too inebriated to red light her own sense and sensibilities?

PLEASUREMANJealous, Jane Austen?

LIBERATAThe only reason I’d be jealous is because you’re a cheesy man-whore.

EROSBOYHey! Watch it lady.

PLEASUREMANGood Erosboy. A superhero and his sidekick always stick together. Like flies on a rump roast, we are inseparable.

LIBERATALet’s go, Suffragirl. I can’t tolerate his bad similes.

SUFFRAGIRL(Pulls out a bullhorn.)

Ladies beware, Pleasureman is in the area and he looks to woo you for his own pleasure.

PLEASUREMANNever was a voice so soft and sweet and clear. Such fine and delicate music ne’er was heard.

SUFFRAGIRL(Through bullhorn:)

Bite me!

PLEASUREMANI for one am carnivorous and would certainly like to make Liberata my final meal of the day.

(OFFICER FRIENDLY enters.)

OFFICER FRIENDLYIs there a problem here?

LIBERATAOh, we’ve got problems.

OFFICER FRIENDLYOh, it’s yuns. Swell. Listen, people all over the park are “talking” about you. If you know what I mean. The last straw is the lady who came up to me saying you tried to abduct her daughter.

PLEASUREMANOfficer Friendly, the difference between abduction and balloon animals can hardly be taken seriously.

OFFICER FRIENDLYOkay, well, I’m going to meander. When I get back, I expect this lame excuse for a complimentary carnival to disperse. You don’t want to make me go from the composed individual I am to the wrathful, spiteful, grudge-holding man I can become. Copy?

(HE exits.)

LIBERATAIt worries me that he is the gatekeeper of order in Pittsburgh. Until we meet again.

PLEASUREMANShall we say I long for the moment, like a cow succulently chewing its cud knowing there’s more cud to be chewed.

SUFFRAGIRL(Going off …)

Ladies beware, Pleasureman is in the area and he looks to woo you for his own pleasure. Do not give into temptation. Flee from this base and dastardly villain.

EROSBOYGolly, that was cockeyed.

PLEASUREMANIndeed. It’s a cockeyed world. 6 billion cockeyed people. Cockamamie. But we don’t fight with words or swords. We do battle armed only with hugs and kisses, occasionally chocolate covered cherries and always love, freedom, and pleasure.

EROSBOYBut, then, couldn’t she beat us up?

PLEASUREMANLiberata? Absolutely! Look at her for crying out loud. She’s a beast. Like some professional wrestling gold medallist. Like, like Martina Navratilova on steroids.

EROSBOYAnd that doesn’t scare you?

PLEASUREMANScare me? No, dear boy. Pleasureman is too big for diapers. Too old. But too young for adult diapers. Alas, such are the pitfalls of middle-agedness. You, see …

“I AM PLEASUREMAN”(People gradually gather in the park and watch…)

I SHALL BRING PLEASURE UNTO THE WORLDMY TONGUE PRONOUNCES THE CREEDMY EYES SPEAK OF LOVEMY HEART IS FULL OF PASSION

I HAVE COMETO TELLA WORLD THAT IS IN NEEDTHAT OUR SEPARATION FROM PLEASURECAN BE REDEEMED BY ME

SWEET WOUNDED JESUS I LOVE TO DELIGHTI’M SORRY IF THAT’S A FAULTALRIGHT SO IT ISBUT I AM A GLUTTON TO EXCITE

I WILL GIVEALL I CANTO ELECTRIFY YOUR MINDSBECAUSE YOUR ANASTHESIOLOGISTIS WORKING OVERTIME

I HAVE COME WITH A PLANTO SAVE EVERY MANI’LL DO ALL THAT I CANI AM PLEASUREMAN

EROSBOYTHE BEAUTEOUS ORB FLIES AROUND IN THE NIGHT ITS NAME IS EROS THAT’S MESO LOVE TO GIVE LOVEMY GOD WHAT AM I SAYING?

WELL I’M JUST A KID WHO LIVES DOWN IN PITTSBURGH, P-AAND I’M DISHING OUT AN ALL I CAN LOVE BUFFETI GOT SOME HOME COOKIN AND SOME DEEP DISH ON THE SIDECAUSE I LIKE TO SAUTEE AND GIVE PLEASURE A RIDE

SO TAKE ALL THIS WITH SOME FUNK AND A CANDY KISSAND BLOW IT ON A HUNK OF ABSOLUTE BLISSI’M CALLIN OUT TO PITTSBURGHIANS IN THIS CITY SO DREARYWE’RE GONNA RESCUE YOU FROM LIVES OF BEING WORLD-WEARYI’M TALKING ABOUT BRINGING LIFE BACK TO LOVIN THAT’S FREE JUST LISTEN TO THE MAN OF PLEASURE AND THE EROS OF ME

(People in the park cheer.)

PLEASUREMAN PEOPLE IN THE PARK

I HAVE COMETO TELLA WORLD THAT IS IN NEEDTHAT OUR SEPARATION FROM PLEASURECAN BE REDEEMED BY ME

I HAVE COME WITH A PLAN HE HAS COME WITH A PLANTO SAVE EVERY MAN TO SAVE EVERY MANI’LL DO ALL THAT I CAN HE’LL DO ALL THAT HE CANI AM PLEASUREMAN HE IS PLEASUREMAN