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Everytime I look up the sky, questions came into my mind. What are the things

behind those clouds? Who lives there? Or might be; Is heavens up there? So, wheres the

hell?

During my childhood days, I am fond of going to church every Saturdays to join

holy rosary; for I am a member of Legion of Mary, and in the afternoon of Saturdays, we

will have our responsorial psalm practice because I am also a psalmist. I dedicated my

childhood days in church for I believed God, Who is said to be our Creator whoa nade us

and gave us talents and graces as well. So, we need also to serve Him in our own little

way.

Though I was serious and dedicated in serving Him, but problems never had the

chance refraining from me. According to our teacher in Religion, Problems are just part

of our daily lives.

Time passes by. At the age of 22, I got married. I cant imagine myself getting

married at an early age. But, again, according to others, ItsGods will. My marriage life

was not successful as I may say because as early as nine months of staying together, my

husband left me.

I could still remember on the afternoon on the 4th of May 2001. My husband and I

went to Larena to buy something that he cant figure out. When we were there, he asked

me to go to the church for there were booths selling UKAY2x. When we were there

already, he didnt buy. So, I asked him if he wants to buy. He never answered. He simply

shrugged his shoulders and smiled.

At four oclock, I told him lets go home. So, he put the walking shorts he was

holding and walked towards my direction. Before he could reach me, he scolded the

vendor. I dont know what was all about but I know he was angry and irritated. To avoid

scandal, I hurriedly held his arms and asked not to talk back against the man.

Unfortunately, three steps away from the place he was standing, my husband collapsed.

Blood coming out from his mouth, nose, ears and eyes. I was really screaming and asking

for the people to help us but nobody helped us. I was calling God, but, I never felt His

presence. After few minutes, an ambulance came. I cannot imagine my husbands agony

during that time. He was crying with blood. He never had the chance to talk to me. The

doctor was trying to revive him but his body cant survive. According to the doctor who

was attending him, he had a myocardial infection. At six pm, my husband died.

I could really say that I questioned Gods credibility. I blamed him for not helping

us in our dark hour. My husband would not be dead if God was only there for us. There

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were times that when I heard someones talking about the goodness of God, I contradict.

The worst thing was, I did no longer believe that God really existed.

For how many months, I ought not to call God. I never went to church. I want Him

to feel also that I hate Him. But I do really have the right to hate God? That question

served as my mind opener. Little by little, I tried to reconcile with Him. I asked

forgiveness and did my confession after a long period of time of not doing it. I went to the

holy sacrament and cried all my bitterness with Him. I asked Him why He allowed Satan

to conquer my husband. After crying I was relieved by my pain. I know God was really

there listening to me. Why I am saying this? Because, after few months my husband died,

there was this man who courted me and become my man. We are blessed with two

wonderful kids. I know God id so good. He took a man from me and replace three

wonderful people to make my life more meaningful.

For now, everytime I look up the sky, I just smile and quietly thank God for thebeautiful things he has given me. I am no longer in doubt if Hes really up there, because I

know God is really watching us from a distance.