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“Often we are forced to confront our deepest concerns about God’s love for us in the hardest,
most desperate places of our lives, but it is through the crossroads of pain and faith in God
alone, that we find grace both to hear His answers or accept His silence as we learn, first hand
and for real, of a love that transcends all.”
For every
person who
has ever
wanted to
leave the
Church and
never return,
Let me tell
you a story…..
The Homecoming:
A Story For Anyone
Who Has Ever Lost
His Way is
available in The
Sepia Store:
http://sepiaprimewom
ancom.ipage.com/stor
e/page2.html
Cover Features:
What’s On Your Heart?
Concerns of Prime Time BOLD Movers p. 10
Funding Your Non-Profit Vision p. 6
Superwoman Sanctuary: Frozen Hearts p. 21
Loving: Not Just Another Date Night p. 17
Michele Aikens, Publisher Writers: Winfred Burns II, Charles & Traci Childress, Vanessa Church , Tasha Odunuyi, Marilyn Okoye, Candice Payne, Terri E. Wilson
Sepia Prime Woman Magazine is wholly owned by
Sepia Prime Woman, Incorporated
In Every Issue
Prime Time p. 4
Frankly Speaking
p.9
Sepia Style p. 11
Nurturing You p. 15
Profitably Speaking
p. 8
Your Body Strong p.
13
The Main Thing p.
23
The Magazine for Bold Movers
PRIME TIME
What’s On My Heart?
You are. I wonder how you deal with grief and
grieving. I lost a friend….a really good friend, and for a couple of weeks I “wasn’t myself.” I noted in our Facebook Group, that every time you lose someone, your world changes some. It is true. Has your world changed any in the last 12 months? Take a minute to think about it and then, let’s continue.
The phrase, “I have something on my heart” has always puzzled me. Why couldn’t it just be in your heart? Maybe the phrase means it feels like the heaviness of something is resting right on top of your heart. I get that.
Because I sense some of you are about to turn the page, I’ll get to my point: There are a lot of things that seem to rest in the area of our emotions heavily, and we don’t address them like we need to. Are you ignoring a sense of urgency because you’re too busy? STOP and consider the heavy thing that is resting on your heart. If you knew your time was ending, how would you respond to what you are putting off today? Do it NOW. Is there someone you’ve been putting off honoring? Plan a celebration for them NOW. Is there a community, a nation, a people on your heart? Go find them, and love them with what has been placed in your hands NOW. Is there a dream on your heart? Then stop dreaming and implement it NOW.
As we enter the prime of our lives, right next to the freedom and exhilaration of we embrace is the knowledge of just how fleeting and precious life is. When I was a child, death was a vague reality; as I grew up, my parents’ friends were passing away; now it is my friends who are leaving. How do you respond to what is “heavy on your heart?” Let me help you: You don’t just throw dirt on it and walk away – you do something.
My friend, Lynetta, suffered and died because she had breast cancer. Triple Negative…generational. After her diagnosis, she went to Paris, France and spent wonderful time with family. She planned a get-together for people from around the country in Atlanta. She took her grandson to New Orleans. She lived. She connected with people internationally through music. She changed my world. Lynetta was the third woman I know to die from triple negative breast cancer. I never told her that. Two of the three women I know who died of triple negative breast cancer were associated with Sepia Prime Woman.
How will I respond to that knowledge?
I will respond with action. Heavy stuff requires effort to move it. Whether the heaviness you are experiencing is because of your self image, your issues with other people, the loss of income or a relationship, or due to grief, you have to do something to move the heavy object. Take action that moves you forward
SPW Magazine – February 2014 4
The picture below is the shirt my friend asked me to include in the Sepia Prime Woman collection in 2012. She and I are the only people who have this shirt. If you buy this shirt in pink, the profits will always go to the Susan G. Komen Foundation in Lynetta’s name. I’m working with designers to create one that will have a pink ribbon and a music note, so that those in her music connections can also give and acknowledge her. The designer is moving slowly, so I may need to find another one. A response requires action.
Why am I telling you this? Because when something is heavy on your heart, you don’t just throw dirt on it and walk away. You respond. You don’t minimize what is heavy on your heart, and you don’t allow others to minimize it either. You use what you have been given, and you make a difference in the lives you have been sent by God to touch. Lynetta White did her job. I intend to do mine.
You are on my heart. What heaviness are you carrying? More importantly,
How you will respond?
E-mail me at [email protected] if you have a topic you want to see discussed here on our blog talk radio show, Your Prime Time with Michele Aikens.
You are loved,
Michele To order the Sepia Prime Woman Pink shirt in Lynetta White’s memory, click here: http://sepiaprimewomancom.ipage.com/store/page4.html If you prefer to donate directly to the Susan G. Komen Foundation in Lynetta White’s name, click here: http://kansascity.infokomen.org/site/TR/Events/KNS_GreaterKansasCityAffiliate?pxfid=284816&fr_id=1771&pg=fund To learn more about Triple Negative Breast Cancer, click here: http://ww5.komen.org/uploadedFiles/Content_Binaries/KOMEED079100.pdf
SPW Magazine – February 2014 5
Funding Your Non-Profit
Vision
By Kathleen Jackson There are people among us with vision
inside of them for an organization that will
change a neighborhood, a community or
nations. You passion may have provoked
you to give, and do and pour into such a
vision, but on your salary you can only do so
much. Has it ever occurred to you that your
passion might be a viable Non-Profit
Organization? Before you spend another
paycheck funding your community idea,
consider treating your passion like a
business. Following are some steps to
determine if your passion can be funded as a
Non-Profit Organization:
Clearly define your “Vision.”
I recommend that once you’ve realized your
vision, document, research, and cultivate!
Having a vision is one thing, but
documentation of your vision with clearly
defined goals is also very important.
First Things First: If your vision needs a
non-profit designation you need to know the
following:
FEATURE ARTICLE
Once you have applied for and been granted a
501c3 designation, consider the following:
a. Not all corporations and foundations
will fund a new or start up
organization initially; most want to
see measurable results, population
served, and sustainability of the
organization beyond the funding
that they have granted.
b. Only research those organizations
that fund your specific focus area.
c. Carefully read funding source
guidelines; some may say they don’t
accept unsolicited requests, some
may indicate rolling deadlines,
while others may have specific
deadlines for Letter of Intent, and
actual proposal.
d. Once you’ve identified a funding
source that may appear to be a
“good” fit. Contact the program
officer to schedule an appointment
to discuss your organization, and
possibly offer a site visit.
e. Tell your organization’s story
wherever you can!
WAIT! You are about to miss the
BEST PART! Click here to purchase this
copy of Sepia Prime Woman Magazine,
or to subscribe for one year.
http://www.joomag.com/en/magazines?q=Sepia
+Prime+Woman
Don’t miss another opportunity to
enhance YOUR BOLD MOVE…
WWW.SEPIAPRIMEWOMAN.COM
What is a 501c3? Section 501(c)(3) is the portion of the US Internal
Revenue Code that allows for federal tax exemption of nonprofit organizations, specifically those that are
considered public charities, private foundations or private operating foundations. It is regulated and administered by the US Department of Treasury through the Internal Revenue Service. There are
other 501(c) organizations, indicated by categories 501(c)(1) – 501(c) (28). This discussion will focus on
501(c)(3). http://501c3.org/what-is-a-501c3/
SPW Magazine – February 2014 6
Funding Your Non-Profit Vision (continued)
Here are some other steps you can take:
Identify individuals and/or organizations that share the same vision, or a similar vision.
Research the length of time that they have been in existence, and identify their funders.
Cultivate existing relationships for support of your vision, and ask for introductions to others that may have the capacity to support financially.
Not all relationships will lead to financial funding, but they may lead to people who are considered “Connectors.” These are the people who can connect you to the right people that can help you realize your vision.
Finally, here are a few resources to help you identify funding:
Donors Forum Library: This is one of the best resources you can find! Not only will they assist you in identifying corporations and foundations that support your cause, they can assist you with identifying individual donors, and how to use a wealth engine to identify private donors and their
giving capacity. They also provide educational workshops, grant writing, and networking opportunities.
Crain’s Book of Lists: This annual
publication lists various corporations and
foundations along with their areas of
interest, net worth, and contact
information.
Private Foundations in Cook County
(Illinois) Website: This is a very helpful
website:
http://nccsdataweb.urban.org/PubApps/ge
oShowOrgs.php?Id=C17031&Code=C17031
&V=Pf&Src=County
The Go-Giver A Little Story About A
Powerful Business Idea by Bob Burg and
John David Mann.
To recap, here are the steps to funding your
Non-Profit Vision: Clearly define your
vision, Document your goals and who will
benefit, Research others that have the
same or similar vision, and Cultivate those
relationships!
Kathleen Jackson has been a professional
fundraiser for more than 20 years.
"A strong passion for any object will
ensure success, for the desire of the end
will point out the means"
--William Hazlitt
SPW Magazine – February 2014 7
PROFITABLY SPEAKING
Establishing Your Future
THROUGH Your Finances
By Winfred Burns, II
“Forgetting those things that are behind me, I
reach for what is in front of me, I press toward
the mark of the prize of the HIGH calling of
God in Christ.” (Philippians 3:13-14)
These words from Paul are the words many of us need to embrace. We learned what to do to make peace with our past but now we must make the next decision: what is my future. Yes, you determine your financial future. You determine whether you will live the rest of your years paycheck to paycheck or will you make the take the steps of those of us who embrace the high calling in our financial future.
Most of us spend all of our time focusing on a budget. We focus on what we spend and where we can save. We look at ways to increase a paycheck or add another stream of income. None of those are bad or wrong; however it is not the end.
When is the last time you completed a Personal Financial Statement? The Personal Financial Statement (PFS) is the true way to determine an individual’s net worth. Net worth is calculated by taking a person’s assets and subtracting liabilities. This is the true measure of your net worth because it not only assesses your bank account, but all assets and all liabilities.
The objective is to continue to reduce debt
(liabilities) so that more of your income can
be used to purchase appreciating assets.
This strategy is what sustains long term
wealth. As we have discussed in previous
writings, there are a few different methods
used to systematically reduce debt. When I
advise clients, I use the method that best fits
them and their lifestyle. I believe the
system only works if it is worked. Giving a
cookie cutter plan, in my experience, won’t
automatically give you the formula for
success in your household.
Looking at the asset side of a personal
financial statement you are able to see all
different form of assets from the most liquid
(how easy something is converted to cash)
to the least liquid. Now that you have a
solid budget in place, you have your team
(family) on board with a solid vision, it is
time to build. Begin paying down debt and
using the excess to purchase assets.
Whether you are under a mountain of debt
or have a small amount, remember this is a
condition that you can change. One
decision at a time, you can build the dream
life you want for you and your family.
Walk in Truth,
WBII
Winfred Burns II is a financial coach and
host of The Global Drive Show on Blog Talk
Radio.
SPW Magazine – February 2014 8
Frankly Speaking
Valentine’s Day Already?
By Stephanie Franklin
Ugh!!! I just finished with the struggles of learning what the lonely do at Christmas time and
now I’m being slammed with one of the most perceivably dreadful days of the year in the life of
a single person! If on no other day of the year, Cupid’s fury is unleashed and everybody is in
love with somebody (at least for the day) on Valentine’s Day. We are bombarded with reminders
that “he went to Jared’s” and Fannie Mae candy becomes the equivalent of crack! EVERYONE
seems to be saying it with roses, so you’ll stand a better chance of winning the lottery than of
finding a dozen.
The dating pool has quickly become a puddle (ESPECIALLY when you get older). You KNOW
the dating sites are getting special when there’s a phone line for farmers to get dates. Signs of
your desperation really begin to show when that one guy pursuing you, the one who looks like
the Keebler Elf’s cousin with missing teeth, isn’t looking so bad after all.
STOP! Take a breath…
You are going about this and looking at it all wrong. Being single is not a curse or a torturous
process you must endure while you await the arrival of your prince charming. If you can’t be
happy being single, then I can tell you that it will NOT, and I repeat, will NOT get better after
marriage. YOU have the privilege of creating your own happiness and what you desire.
It may seem a little weird at first, but trust me, it gets easier. Date yourself! Buy yourself those
dozen roses you love so much and get your own Fannie Mae Pixies. Put on
that nicely fitted dress (after you have consulted with Victoria and found out her secret), and pull
out all of the stops with the hair, nails and please don’t forget the shoes! Take yourself out to
dinner, the movies or wherever you like to go and enjoy yourself! You deserve it!
Doing things based on the expectations of others changes you because you give control of how
you feel about yourself to another person. When you do it for yourself, it’s not based on what
others think. Stay true to who you are and set the standard for what you expect for yourself.
Now if Cupid happens to put an arrow in the butt of someone who notices, well then…
But if he doesn’t, embrace your singleness and don’t’ settle out of desperation. It is said that
something is better than nothing. Trust me when I say that sometimes, nothing is better.
Now about those Pixies. . .…
SPW Magazine – February 2014 9
What’s On Your Heart?
Sepia Prime Woman conducted a survey
to find out the most pressing concerns
for Prime Timers. The results may
surprise you.
Future for our children: While
some may think we are less concerned
about our children as we get older, the
opposite is true. Whether it is concern
about employment opportunities for
adult children, or safety and education
for teens and younger children, 41% of
us are still more concerned about our
children’s future than anything else.
Accomplishing a task or dream:
18% of respondents said their desire to
accomplish a task or dream was a major
concern. This speaks to the kind of
impact BOLD Movers want to make in
the world and to the legacy that follows.
It may be starting a business, a
community outreach activity or ministry
project, but BOLD Movers are still
pursuing dreams and looking for
opportunities to make a difference.
BOLD Movers Speak
Crime: 14% The good news is that
respondents didn’t say crime was the
most pressing concern. The not-so-good
news is that answer to the first question
may reflect a higher concern about
crime than is indicated by response to
this question. BOLD Movers are
concerned about crime, but more
concerned about doing their part to
make the world better.
Money/Employment – 14%-- Many
of us are still being impacted by the state
of our economy, and the concerns about
employment and money were tied with
those about crime. It’s understandable.
According to an October
2013 NBC News article, nearly 40% of
unemployed workers are over age 45,
and the average time they are
unemployed can range from 45-57
weeks.
(http://inplainsight.nbcnews.com/_new
s/2013/11/16/21266839-over-50-and-
out-of-work-program-seeks-to-help-
long-term-unemployed?lite)
SPW Magazine – February 2014 10
Continued from previous page
Health 12% -- Imagine a time
that Prime Timers are more
concerned with achieving a dream
than with health concerns. That
time is now, and is likely due to
the fact that many are living active
lives that include exercise, healthy
eating and a healthy attitude
(gotta have one to pursue those
dreams).
State of the Church 3% -- We
allowed the addition of one
concern and this one got the most
responses. Three percent of
respondents are concerned about
the state of “the church.” This is
significant from a Prime Time
perspective because this
population (those aged 45 and up)
represents the group who are
considered to be “churched.” We
think this statistic bears watching
because if the “churched
population” starts showing greater
concern for the state of the church,
we may see changes in how Prime
Timers participate in church.
Here was another interesting
finding: When asked if they were
concerned about a marriage or
other relationship, 0 people
responded….
Join the community of BOLD Movers
at www.sepiaprimewoman.com, or
connect with us on Facebook:
https://www.facebook.com/groups/S
epiaPrimeWoman/
Oh yes, expect to be challenged.
How else will you
Make A BOLD Move?
SPW Magazine – February 2014 11
SEPIA STYLE
True Love and the Perfect “Date Night” Shoe
By Monique Mayfield
Ah, le grand amour, the great love. Valentine’s Day is the day to celebrate that great love
in your life. In the traditional sense Valentine’s Day is known as the couple’s holiday.
The most standard way to celebrate the occasion is with a dinner and a movie date
night. At the heart of it, though, Valentine’s Day is simply about love. Love can exist
anywhere, with anything, and between anybody. Try something new. Set up your date
night around that great passion in your life whether its music, poetry, art, or food. This
year let’s make it a holiday for everybody by upgrading our Valentine’s Day date night
agenda and our date night shoe game.
As always with anything you do, you must look fierce while doing it. No fierce outfit is
complete without the perfect pair of shoes. As women I think each of us can admit that
we all have a shoe addict living deep inside us.
Set her free this Valentine’s Day. Have fun with
your shoe game. No matter where your date
night leads, make sure you go there in style.
If music is your thing and you find yourself
single on Valentine’s Day, plan a girl’s night out
dancing to your favorite songs. This red suede
shoe has a solid gold cuff that demands the
spotlight. It’s just the shoe to set your night on
fire. Pair them with your favorite flirty dress and
look good while you get your groove on.
Are you into literature, film, and just the general
craft of good storytelling? Try adding a twist to your
typical date night trip to the movies. Go to the
theater and see a play instead. Find out what’s
currently playing in your town. Get dressed to the
nines and complete your look with these sexy
leopard peep toe pumps.
SPW Magazine – February 2014 12
Do you love a good vino? If so, then attend a wine
tasting on Valentine’s Day. Over the past few years
restaurant wineries have been gaining popularity.
These restaurants with onsite wineries offer great
food, a laid back atmosphere, and a chance to expand
your knowledge of fine wines. These black suede metal
studded booties are sleek and sophisticated, much like
that full bodied Pinot Noir you may find yourself
indulging in.
Happy Valentine’s Day everybody! However you decide to celebrate your le grand amour
do it in style ladies!
Monique Mayfield is a fashion blogger for Dale & Company
SPW Magazine – February 2014 13
YOUR BODY STRONG
Why Fad Diets/Workouts Don't Work By Tasha Odunuyi
We live in a world where everybody wants it quick fast and in a hurry when it comes to weight loss. The first question I hear as a trainer is “How soon will I lose weight?”, or “How much can I lose in X amount of time?” People have grown accustomed to the latest trends that claim to deliver unrealistic amounts of weight loss in record time, and they don’t factor in other things that come along with this dangerous train of thought. You've heard the infomercials and video claims. There’s the lemonade diet, cabbage soup diet, the low carb and no carb diet, to name just a few. And let's not forget workouts: lose weight in 8, loose 30 pounds in 30 days, pills, patches, creams, wraps, guaranteed 10 pounds in 7 days and no workout needed programs. The TRUTH is that there is no magic pill for weight loss! Some may deliver results in short amounts of time but they lack the ability to educate people on the importance of a healthy, balanced approach to eating and the role exercise plays. Real weight loss is all about lifestyle changes. As a trainer, I want to help clients put systems in place that they can continue to use on a regular basis. These systems include things like:
Recognizing what's triggering unhealthy behaviors How to read food labels Understanding your motivation for losing weight Knowing how many calories are needed to burn a pound of fat Knowing if you have a healthy BMI/ and body fat percentage Workouts for various body types, kinds of cardio and when to use each one food prep and vision boards Knowing which muscles are being worked in an exercise, and how to design a
workout instead of going into a gym without a plan Proper workout form
These are all the things that fad diets and unrealistic workouts don’t address. In order to be successful at your weight loss goals you have to understand that the weight didn't come overnight and it won't disappear overnight. It is also not healthy to attempt to lose it overnight. I'm sure you have seen people who seem like the weight just fell off. Unfortunately the majority of those people put the weight back on and some. Fast weight loss does not last and it slows and damages your metabolism, which ultimately defeats the purpose of losing weight.
Continued on next page
SPW Magazine – February 2014 14
Continued from previous page
So how do you get started?
1. Sit down and write out your goals. Know where you're going.
2. Understand your Why. What are some of your reasons for wanting to
lose?
3. Recognize your triggers or bad habits; some triggers include stress,
boredom or habit.
4. Find a nutritionist or do some research on healthy eating habits. There
are tons of FREE resources online.
5. Start planning your meals and logging the foods you eat. People who use
a journal are more successful at reaching their goals because it serves as a
tool to understand what's working and what's not.
6. Find a fitness professional or accountability/workout partner.
7. Determine what day/ time you will food prep and schedule workouts.
Write it down and stick with it!
8. Look for fun activities you like to do. Dancing, skating, running groups or
joining a sports team like volleyball. In order to be successful you have to
enjoy it. Maybe you work better in small groups, classes or one-on-one
training.
9. Find a non food reward for reaching your goal. It could be as simple as a
new clothing item, spa day, girl's day out or money jar splurge for every goal
reached.
10. Write a letter to yourself talking about how reaching this goal will help
benefit you and the people around you.
The key is to realize that this won't be a fast approach but it will pay off in the end. Trust and believe that a consistent approach will yield longer lasting results and a greater sense of accomplishment knowing that you worked hard for it. Circle of Life Fitness has all the confidence that you can do it. If you’re in need of help to get started on your journey feel free to contact us. This is coming from a married mother of three who has been there and whose mission is to now help others achieve their fitness goals.
Tasha Odunuyi is owner of Circle of Life Fitness and an NASM/NPTI certified trainer. You can
reach her at: [email protected] or visit her website at: www.colfitness.com
SPW Magazine – February 2014 15
By Marilyn Okoye
Are you the
compassionate
woman who pursues
truth and stands on
your beliefs with
determination? Are
you courageous
enough to make bold
moves, not only for your personal
gain, but for the betterment of your
family, community, and nation? Are
you bold enough to stand for what is
right, even when others around you
do wrong? Well, whether you realize
it or have been recognized for it, you
are a modern day “Shero”.
That’s something to reflect on; as
grandmothers, mothers, daughters, sisters,
aunts, nieces, spouses, co-workers, and
friends, that's who you are. You walk in
courage and integrity, caring for others,
consistent with your beliefs, and set an
example for the young women who cross
your path. You impact the lives of others
everyday. You don’t need to be pointed out
in a crowd. You don’t need to receive daily
accolades; you just live your life with the
determination to impact, in a positive way,
the world around you.
What does a “Shero” look like? She looks
like the grandmother who has raised not
only her children, but who has helped to
raise her children’s children, quietly
imparting wisdom into them. She is the
NURTURING YOU
mother, whether she works outside or inside
the home, loves her children with the
unconditional love that sets them on a path
for great success. She is the daughter, a
successful business entrepreneur who
creates programs that help other youth to
prepare for entrepreneurship. This
daughter returns the love and care that your
parents gave you as you went to school, got
your first job, and bought your first home. A
“Shero” could be the sister, who has
supported every sibling’s dream financially
and emotionally, and is now preparing to
travel the nation to promote economic
growth and self-sufficiency. The aunt is a
“Shero”; she may not have children of her
own, but gives time and talent to encourage
other children, and operates the community
center where hundreds of children come
every year. The niece, who at age 38 is a
successful civil rights lawyer fighting for the
rights of the less fortunate is a “Shero”. The
wife, who has esteemed and reverenced her
husband for 65 years of marriage, and
whose husband still calls her blessed, is a
“Shero”. The co-worker, who has taken on
the company to fight for all employees to
have rules and policies changed, is a
“Shero”. The friend, who stood during the
most difficult times, encouraged and
inspired others to face their fears, and
pursue their dreams, is a “Shero”. Some of
our greatest “Sheroes” are the single
mothers, facing everyday challenges with
strength and valor, raising children,
operating businesses, and mentoring.
SPW Magazine – February 2014 16
If you operate in any of these capacities with
courage and determination, I salute you and
thank you for making a difference in the
lives of your loved ones and ultimately the
world we live in. You are today’s modern-
day “Sheroes”, homemakers, entrepreneurs,
scholars, and activists and, you are far more
precious than rubies!
Here’s something else to consider:
February is Black History Month, a time we
celebrate our history and our heritage. To be
honest, our history should be celebrated
every day of the year. I am not going write a
list of accomplishments we have made over
the years. Instead, I am going to ask that
you do your own research. While the
internet and the libraries are great places to
start your research, I encourage you to start
with your family. Take some time each day
to talk with a family member about your
heritage, about your history, about your
legacy. Talk to Big Mama and Big Daddy,
your aunts and uncles, older cousins and
other relatives, one, two, and three
generations out. You may be amazed at the
historical accomplishments within your own
families. If you feel you have not discovered
any, then create some for the generations to
come. What is a need in your community?
Work to bring forth a solution. What
national or global changes do you want to
see? Create a plan of action to make it
happen. Your family is the next generation
of bold movers. We are a dynamic people
who have done great things and can still do
great things. So, in addition to celebrating
the accomplishments of our ancestors, let's
get our names added to the mix.
Never be too ashamed to know your
heritage or too proud to share your story.
You who sit among us today have a great
future; you are neither too young nor too
old. Our stories continue to unfold. Pay
attention to every detail and be careful of
the choices you make because they will tell...
our history, our heritage and our legacy.
Rosa Parks, by Bill Farnsworth,
from the book, Heroes for Civil
Rights, by David A. Adler.
Born: February 4, 1913 -Died
October24, 2005
SPW Magazine – February 2014 17
LOVING
Not Just Another Date Night
By Charles & Traci Childress
Traci Said:
About nine years ago I found myself
encumbered by life. I had things to do,
projects to complete, and children to
raise…you know the deal. Charles was also
being diligent in his affairs, but that meant
we didn’t’ spend a lot of time just being
with each other, even though we interacted
every day and slept through our movie
rentals on Friday nights. Something was
changing, and although we weren’t at each
other’s throats, a distance was silently
forming, and that wasn’t acceptable to either
of us. Coming to ourselves, we decided to
choose a date night once a month, when it
would least likely be interrupted, and from
the first date we saw the impact.
You might be thinking, “Once a month? Is
that all?” Well, before you judge it too
harshly, let me say that if you aren’t already
setting time aside, you could find yourself
overwhelmed, or worse, you could fall into
the rut of predictability. I’ll let Charles talk
more about that in a minute. Suffice it to
say, I have learned and suggest to you, that
once a month has its perks.
For starters, once a month is easier to guard
so you are less likely to allow others to
encroach upon your date. Second, once a
month will help build anticipation for your
special time. Third, if your budget is tight,
you will have time to accumulate funds for
your date, and fourth, the once a month date
gives you time to be more creative with your
date planning. Waiting until Valentine’s Day
to be creative is sad… you can do better
than that.
Charles Said:
Date night was a real game changer for our
relationship in the truest since of the term.
Prior to establishing that time once a month
we had virtually no relationship-enhancing
time together; there was always something
more “important” to do. Simply
establishing date night made it a day I
looked forward to, and our relationship was
now officially on the calendar like any other
important event in our life. Date night also
fostered the habit of thinking about us, our
likes and dislikes, and what we were going
to do each time. It’s important to note that
the reason we experienced such a large
positive impact was partially because we
went from almost no time together to a
regularly scheduled time. You might
already have frequent times together, and so
the question is no longer time itself, but
what you’re doing with that time.
The dictionary definition of the word “rut”
is “…a habit or pattern of behavior that has
become dull and unproductive but is hard to
change.” Wow, what a perfect description
of many so-called date nights. There is a
point when dinner and a movie becomes
muscle memory, they no longer contain any
fruitful conversation, interesting discoveries
or playful challenges; they simply become
another event to mark off the calendar…
like taking out the garbage.
Remove predictability from your date night
vocabulary. The very act of coming up with
new and creative ideas for your time
together will spur new conversation, and the
new experiences will bring about new
reactions, which will prompt fresh
excitement for your relationship. In the end,
isn’t that the whole purpose? It’s not about
spending a lot of money or being
extravagant. If you never go on a walk and
just talk, then for you that will be creative,
refreshing and impactful to your
relationship… and absolutely free. There’s
no excuse to settle for just another date
night. The investment you make in
creativity will pay higher dividends than you
ever imagined.
Traci Said:
I’d like to add kissing to this conversation
on creativity. How often do you kiss your
spouse? And I’m not talking about that
quick peck on the way out to work. Well,
here is a way to spice up your date night:
play the kissing game on the way to where
ever you are going. Kiss at every stop sign
and stop light (until it turns green) on the
way to your destination, and don’t be so
quick to get on the expressway. Be sure to
keep mints and don’t make excuses. If you
are thinking “that’s too much,” you may
have identified a need in your marriage, a
need to be lovers. As Charles said, the whole
idea of date night is to prompt
excitement…Did you see the movie Date
Night? If so, you know how that ended
(wink). Simple add-ons and twists to your
existing plans can be the game changer.
Sometimes the reason couples get stuck on
date night is because they are so set on what
they don’t want to do that they don’t allow
themselves to make discoveries. If you try
something and you don’t like it, try
something else next time, or talk about how
it can be improved and try it again. It’s not
really about the date, it’s about the
relationship.
If you don’t feel you can be creative, take
some time to get on-line and use someone
else’s creativity. On The Marriage Network,
Charles and I post Romantic Action Plans
(R.A.P), so take a peek and go to
www.funinmarriage.net.
Charles & Traci Childress oversee The
Marriage Network, a ministry that
empowers couples to see their relationship
as more than just co-habitating, but as an
opportunity to be a dynamic force in their
homes, community, and extended family.
You can find them at:
www.funinmarriage.net
SPW Magazine – February 2014 19
FROZEN HEARTS By Candice Payne If you have young children, especially
daughters, then you I’m sure you’ve seen
the latest Disney Princess movie,
Frozen. My daughter is so girly and
she owns every princess gown in the
Disney Store. I knew I’d probably get
my “Best Mom Ever” title revoked if I
didn’t take her to see this movie. I sat in
the theater waiting for the typical pretty
princess-in-distress-and-cute-guy-
saves-the-day movie, or so I thought. I
was wrong. I ABSOLUTELY LOVED
FROZEN!! Finally a kid chick flick that
embraces the importance of our bond
with our sisters (whether blood or not).
SPOILER ALERT: Elsa and Anna’s
relationship became strained when they
were very young. Elsa had a special
power but because she accidentally hurt
her sister Anna, her parents decided to
keep Elsa’s powers a secret and lock the
entire family away in their castle. I
believe the parents could have saved the
girls a lot of hurt if they had helped Elsa
embrace and understand her powers. A
few years later Elsa’s powers are
exposed to the others in the Kingdom
when Anna unintentionally upsets her.
After that Elsa released her powers
without fear. Elsa was still hurting
because of her past which caused her to
flee the kingdom. However Anna chose
not to give up on her sister and went
after her. People in the kingdom wanted
SUPERWOMAN SANCTUARY
to kill Elsa because her powers caused
an eternal winter. When Anna saw one
of the men trying to kill Elsa she threw
herself in the middle of them and froze
solid which prevented her sister from
dying. The reason Anna froze solid was
because Elsa, during an aggravating
argument, accidentally struck her heart.
Anna would remain frozen solid forever
unless she was unthawed by an “act of
true love.” It was assumed that Kristoff
(who grew fond of Anna while searching
for Elsa) needed to be the guy with the
magic kiss but in the end it was the true
love from her sister that she needed to
be restored.
I am not a feminist but I think
Sisterhood and Sisters, women who
have strong bonds are essential in life.
We finally have a Disney Princess movie
where a woman is not waiting for the
kiss of a Prince to heal her, or waiting
for him to ride in on a horse and save
her. This movie showed how two Sisters
who were complete opposites and
probably couldn’t stand each other at
times still loved each other. What I
loved the most was how protective they
were of each other. Anna didn’t like that
her sister got angry and caused an
eternal winter, but that didn’t stop her
from protecting Elsa from those who
were trying to harm her. Anna put her
own life on the line for her sister.
I thought men and women had the most
complicated relationships, but I think
women and women are complicated.
We are competitive, critical, and
SPW Magazine – February 2014 21
sometimes very cruel to one another. I
think we take for granted how much we
need each other. I’ve heard women say
they relate better with men and
wondered, how? Our husbands should
be our best friend, developing
relationships with the opposite sex is
healthy, and bonding with our children
is so precious… but in my opinion
another woman plays a crucial part in all
of it. No one “gets it” like another
woman. A man can understand but a
woman has experienced it. A man can
advise you based on knowledge, but a
woman can advise you based on wisdom
gained through experience. February is
the month people usually express love
for their significant other. Let’s bring
love back into the relationships among
women. There has to be at least one
woman you can trust other than your
mother. You should have a woman in
your life to encourage/mentor/challenge
you and you should be that same woman
to another woman. There are women
who believe they will NEVER be loved
unconditionally by a man and that belief
has caused major heartbreak and
bitterness. They need to be encouraged
and uplifted by other women who
overcame. We need to have a burden for
one another that makes us not want to
see our Sisters suffer. If you don’t have
a support group of women ask God for
guidance. It’s definitely important to
choose wisely because everyone will not
have your best interest at heart. If
you’ve been hurt by a woman or women,
forgive and move forward. Bonding
with your Sisters is good for the Soul!
“People make bad choices when
they’re mad, upset, or stressed.
Throw a little love their way and
you’ll bring out their best.”
-My favorite line from Frozen
Candice Payne is NOT a professional
counselor; she is a friend with an
opinion and host of The Superwoman
Sanctuary on Blog Talk Radio
beginning in March.
SPW Magazine – February 2014 22
THE MAIN THING
THE KING WAITS
By Terri Wilson Throughout history there have been many kings on many thrones. There were the African kings, the Norse kings and the Egyptian kings to name a few. Some were loved by their subjects and some were feared and hated by their subjects. Sometimes you asked for an audience with the king and sometimes you were summoned by the king. When you asked for an audience with the king you were expected to bring a gift: a first calf, the first harvest of the crops, or even a slave or two. When you were summoned by the king something was often taken from you, like your head, your children or your spouse. However I know a King who waits until we realize we need him. In my mind, I can see him shaking his head at us after we have tried and done all we know how to do. It's at that very time we have come to the end of our rope that he steps right in and fixes things better than we could have ourselves. He watches us run around, hitting our heads on the wall, wringing our hands, crying and sweating, and just when we're at the point where we throw our hands up in surrender, He steps in to make the crooked places straight, calms the seas, takes our burdens on his shoulders and allows us to rest. I believe I've heard the elders say take it to the altar and leave it there. Well, some of us, me included, have a tendency to go back to the altar and pick it up (or at least a part of it) again, thinking we can handle this piece or that piece. In the end, we are reminded of the reason we put it on the altar in the first place. Here’s a reminder that when you have done all you can do and are standing with that, “What do I do now?” look on your face, just remember, the King waits. Terri Wilson is a minister, women’s coach at her church and an author.
SPW Magazine – February 2014 23