paint your own happiness canvas
TRANSCRIPT
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Paint your own Happiness Canvas
6 Basic Tips
Attracta Burke
The Coaching Equation
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CONTENTS
What is Happiness? ............................................................................. 3
Happiness Enhancing Tools ................................................................ 5
Sleep & Exercise ................................................................................................................. 6
Eat to suit your Body ............................................................... Error! Bookmark not defined.
Decrease Stress ...................................................................... Error! Bookmark not defined.
Smile .................................................................................................................................. 9
Practice Gratitude .............................................................................................................. 9
Meditation ....................................................................................................................... 10
Know Yourself................................................................................... 13
Daily, Weekly, Monthly Action Plan for Happiness ............................. 19
Your Daily Action Plan ...................................................................... 19
Your Weekly Action Plan ................................................................... 19
Your Monthly Action Plan .................................................................. 20
Some further questions to ask Yourself. ........................................... 20
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WHAT IS HAPPINESS?
I feel sad when I don’t sleep, when I drink coffee or too much alcohol,
spend too much time watching TV and when my daughter is sad. I feel
joy when I run (preferably alone as I can’t talk and run at the same
time) or hike (with friends), after 7-8 hours of uninterrupted sleep
and when I am working on something meaningful. Also, I love relaxed,
tasty, fun family breakfasts. Because I know those things about myself
I am able to design my life to be happier and more productive. When I
break the habit and do the things that make me sad, I just revisit my
personal formula to bring me back to joy and productivity.
When we are happier we are more productive at work and nicer to be
around – there is purpose to life when we are happy.
Happiness means different things to everyone. We can all reach the
level of happiness or contentment that we desire. I can’t help you
change who you are but I can challenge your thinking and help you
appreciate and honour who you are. Firstly, decide you really want to
do this now. It is possible. Take the leap of faith. Make the decision to
get serious about leading a great life. Start with some small changes.
Make the changes that seem easiest to you first. Then you will build
the confidence to step up your game and make bigger changes.
Implement the 5 steps below – it’s easier that you think.
“You only live once.” How many times have you heard that, said that?
Are you making the most of this one life you have? Could your life be
better? Do you have a sense in some way that you are not making the
most of every aspect of life? Sometimes I waste weekends because if I
drink more than one glass of wine on a Friday night, I don’t sleep then
I’m tired and cranky on Saturday. If there’s an aspect of your life that
you really want to change, you can change it and change it quickly. It
just requires you to act now; to change the habits that are holding you
back. The first thing you need to do is to decide that you will be
happy & fulfilled.
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Are you are being true to yourself, living honestly?
Do you have exciting/interesting goals that you enjoy working
towards?
Are you fulfilled at work, at home? Where are the gaps?
Are you healthy, energetic, full of zest for life?
Before you read on, ask yourself: “Am I committed to living the best
life that I can?” “Am I committed to being the best I can be, the
happiest I can be, and to reaching my full potential in every aspect of
my life?”
“Am I actually committed and prepared to do what it takes to be the
best I can be or am I just going to continue with this life of mediocrity
(or worse)?”
One of my favourite quotes is this:
“Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and
expecting different results.”
Albert Einstein
Do you think a lot about how your life could be better, how you could
be happier and more productive but just can’t shake yourself into
action? Are you afraid to live your dream?
If you would like to make positive changes in your life, to be inspired,
to live your dream, there are some very simple changes that you can
make instantly. Quickly you can be in a place where bigger change
happens and within a short period of time you can be living a happier,
more productive, inspired life.
Imagine a life where your default setting is happiness. We are all
unique and special and “deserve” to live our lives in a way that makes
us happy. Are you happy? What does happiness mean to you? Have
you thought about it? Do you know what makes you happy? Would
you like to feel happier more often? Is success also a factor in your
happiness?
Inherently, we humans don’t like change. It’s amazing how long we
can continue with habits that are actually not great for us. It’s a
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challenge to get out of that rut. If we stay the same, OK, it won’t kill
us and that’s grand if your life is just the way you like it. How many of
us know that if we get out for that walk or run vs watching TV or
staying at the table for that extra cup of coffee, we will feel much
better, yet we regularly don’t do it? However, if you believe you could
be happier, do more with your life than you are currently doing, have
more fun, then to keep doing the same things day in, day out, is not
going to get you there – is it? Imagine what your life will be like if you
don’t make the changes. This time next year you will be in exactly the
same state of mind as you are now. In 20 years’ time, you will be
looking back on your life with huge regret. Be honest with yourself. If
your current mind-set, choices and habits are not giving you the life
you want, then you would be foolish not to change.
We are all more resourceful than we often believe. Think about the
times when you really want to do something – do you usually find a
way? Tap into your inner resourcefulness to find the best path for you
to follow. Commit to making rapid advances towards achieving your
goals.
In this book you will find lots of practical, easy steps you can take
instantly to improve your well-being and happiness at home, at work
and generally in your life. Putting these suggestions into practice will
cost you nothing. You will also find some useful meditations, other
suggestions and shared experiences which I hope you enjoy and try
out.
Throughout the process, remember to be kind to yourself – it’s OK
and normal not to feel ecstatic about life 100% of the time. Remember
you deserve a chance to live your happiest life.
HAPPINESS ENHANCING TOOLS Everyone’s happiness-success formula is unique, the variables are
different, yet the desired outcome is the same. Research has revealed
that there are some universal determinants of happiness – start with
these first.
1. Quality Sleep – we all need it and everyone feels better when they get their own
required amount.
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2. Exercise – releases the endorphins which instantly increase happiness.
3. Eat to suit your Body
4. Smile – an instant wellbeing-enhancer.
5. Gratitude – say thank you everyday for the good things in your life.
6. Know Yourself (know who you are and what you want from life) and act
accordingly.
7. Meditation - evidence shows regular meditation can help improve focus and
decrease anxiety.
Then practice being happy (the areas in your life that you focus on are
the areas that will improve). Plan to be happy.
In 21 days you can be happier and practicing happiness habits for 6
weeks will embed these habits in your brain – why the hell not?
SLEEP & EXERCISE
If sleep is an issue for you, you’ll need some basic building blocks to
get your frame of mind in order for quickly improving your life. Do
you sleep enough?
There’s no denying it, we’re all happier and more productive after
sleeping well. Life is so much better on the days after a good night’s
sleep. I don’t know anyone who thinks more clearly after a poor
nights’ sleep than a good one. Getting on with leading a better life will
be much easier, faster and more enjoyable.
We all need a healthy sleep pattern for our well-being. We know this.
We feel the difference in our daily health and happiness after a sleep-
deprived night; we drink more caffeine, eat more sugar, and we
become irritable. And yet we are a sleep-poor society; even when we
are aware of what’s required of us in order to sleep well, we often
ignore it. It sometimes seems like it’s cool or macho to survive on as
little sleep as possible and pay a huge price for ignoring sleep:
widespread heart disease, immune system disorders, fatigue-related
road accidents, and incalculable emotional and psychological
problems. A consistent good sleep pattern is a crucial ingredient in
the recipe for vibrant good health, happiness and longevity.
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When we sleep well, life looks different. We are more positive and
generous, both to ourselves and others. We take better decisions. We
are more productive at work and are nicer to our friends and family.
We are instantly happier! For anyone looking for a quick-fix, sleep is
where to start.
I suggest that before you think deeply about your happiness and how
you can set your default daily setting to a happiness one, if sleep is an
issue, then, work on that first. Of course it’s not a problem for
everyone but is so for an increasing number of us.
There are some instant, easy steps you can take right now to start
getting more sleep. You may know these already, but do you actually
do it? However, if you would like to claim your right to happiness then
take the decision to action as many steps as possible. If it seems too
much to do all at once, then start with one and over a period of time
(a week or two at most), adapt your life so you sleep healthily.
Take more exercise to improve your sleep.
Even if you are time-poor which, let’s face it, most people are,
exercise releases endorphins which are mood-enhancing. When we
are stressed, we often try to relieve our tension in a number of ways:
eating, a TV marathon or smoking cigarettes, drinking alcohol, using
drugs (both legal and illegal). All of these efforts to take our minds off
the worries, or in some primitive way to modify the chemistry of the
brain may work in the short term but often, even as soon as 30-60
minutes later we start to feel the pressure again. I know when I drink
a cup of coffee, I feel brilliant for 30 minutes, then, start to feel
lethargic, dehydrated and sad. In the long term, some actions we take
to improve happiness can essentially reduce it.
Exercise is another, more effective way to reduce stress and improve
mood that not only appears to make people happier, but also yields
positive long-term effects more conducive to long-term happiness. I
call exercise, especially outdoor exercise “Nature’s anti-depressant”.
When we walk, run, cycle, play sports - engage in any form of physical
exercise, we commonly feel happier. Not everyone in poor physical
condition is unhappy. But, if you believe you can be happier and
would like to be happier, daily exercise will boost your mood and
enhance sleep.
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Regular exercise increases energy, and often gives a sense of
achievement in meeting personal fitness goals. Physical appearance
usually improves, skin glows. Any type of workout clears the mind and
sets your day on a different path – a more productive one.
But is there a direct link between exercise and happiness, exercise &
success? We know that exercise has been shown to improve the sleep
patterns of insomniacs, as well as lower their anxiety [source:
American Academy of Sleep Medicine]. Studies on rats indicate that
exercise mimics the effects of antidepressants on the brain. Exercise
is also responsible for the creation of new brain cells in the part of the
brain responsible for learning and memory [source: Karolinska
Institutet].
Interestingly, happiness and exercise are similar in two notable ways:
both are independently associated with a boost to the immune
system, and also with the release of endorphins.
Consume no or minimal caffeine.
I know so many insomniacs who consistently drink five or six cups of
coffee per day. If you are a big tea or coffee drinker and don’t sleep
well, unfortunately, this is the first place you should look. If you take a
DECISION not to cut out the caffeine, try to stick to a maximum of two
cups per day and to have these before mid day. It’s not easy but
actually so well worth it that after a short time it becomes easier. If I
drink tea or coffee after lunchtime I don’t sleep well that night. How I
manage to stay away and take a herbal tea instead is by just
imagining the horrible feeling of waking up at 4am and not being able
to go back to sleep again for at least an hour. It works!
Eat to suit your body. Sometimes food intolerance can contribute to
stress in your body and interfere with sleep & well being. If you are a
chronic insomniac and no matter what you do, you still find it difficult
to get to sleep or wake in the middle of the night, carry out a food
intolerance test to find out if something you regularly consume is
having an adverse effect on your body. If there are two or three food
items to which you are intolerant, it’s relatively easy these days to find
suitable substitutes.
Decrease stress by writing down what stresses you and challenge
yourself to find solutions. Remember a time when you felt great, what
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was this like? How can you recreate such a situation now? Find out
who you need to ask for help. Stress is the big culprit causing poor
sleep. When we are stressed we don’t sleep well and when this
continues over a prolonged period, our well-being and happiness are
adversely affected. An important part of making these changes to
your life will be in really getting to know yourself, being consciously
aware of your stress-triggers and getting rid of these from your life.
This works.
SMILE
This is straightforward. Everyone can do it. Try it right now – turn up
the corners of your mouth and smile. Feel the effects for yourself.
PRACTICE GRATITUDE
Decide to be thankful for at least 5 things every day. Write them
down.
Simple Daily Routine (Daily Five Thank You’s)
When you wake up each morning before you even get out of bed, say
“thank you for the things in your life that you appreciate. I keep this
simple ie “thank you” for a good night’s sleep, the comfy bed, the fact
that that I organised my work clothes last night… It doesn’t have to be
complicated or deep. The action of switching your mind to an attitude
of gratitude means that your day has instantly started better. Try it
now!
In the car on the way to work (I have practiced this for years – and oh
boy was it useful!), I say thank you for at least five things, again, keep
it simple. I say thank you for the good night’s sleep, the lovely cup of
tea (the first cup is always the best), the nice day, the hug from my
daughter, the green traffic lights. I may thank myself for actually
remembering to pack my lunch, as I often forget! If I did an early
morning run, I say thanks for that. If I didn’t I say thanks for the extra
half hour in bed. Always be 100% truthful with yourself and only say
thank you for things that you are actually grateful for. For the
morning thank you’s, I find it helpful to be specific and not get into
generalities that we can all rhyme off when sometimes put on the spot
ie yes, we are thankful for our families but I find it more helpful to be
specific.
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I recommend the “Five Thank You’s” also at any time I feel stressed or
under pressure. Sometimes, during a particularly stressful work day,
it’s good to find a space away from your desk, take some deep
breaths and remind yourself of the good things that happened that
day. There will always be a few.
Sometimes, it’s at night that the stress and unhappy feelings can hit.
After a really busy day when you’re tired and weary, your mind won’t
calm down and it’s difficult to sleep. The “Five Thank You’s” can calm
your brain. Writing them down and repeating them as you’re going to
sleep can help you get to sleep quicker. Once more, I find that being
thankful for actual things that happened that day is the best. After a
few days, no matter how stressful your life is, you realise that there is
something in every day to be grateful for. Things like a nice phone
call from a friend, tasty dinner, lovely hot shower, a laugh with a
colleague. Even in stressful times, it’s possible to find moments to be
thankful for.
After a few days and/or nights, the “Five Thank You’s” become a
habit. Even if you happen to forget before you hop out of bed, you can
remind yourself of them later. Friends, clients and colleagues tell me
that they use this tool when they feel particularly fed up with life and
that within a very short time they start appreciating life again and it
makes the hard times easier. And, this takes absolutely no time out of
your day.
MEDITATION
OK, so you have the “Five Thank You’s” above which take absolutely
no time from your day. You deserve a few minutes each day just for
you. Everyone around you will benefit. Looking after one’s own needs
is not selfish as many of us have been brought up to believe. A happy
person, one who doesn’t live life by sacrifice & denial has more to
offer family, friends, colleagues. A martyr who always puts themselves
last; does everything for everyone then constantly complains of being
worn out, is no fun at all. A happy mum, dad, colleague, boss, friend
is a lot more fun to have around. I suggest you take five minutes each
morning to start, then, build as you begin to see the benefits. I know
that most of us rush through many tasks every morning and time is
tight. Believe me, it is worth getting out of bed ten minutes earlier
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than normal to take yourself to a quiet corner of your house, hotel
room, wherever you are – outside if it’s available to you and weather
permits.
Find a quiet, comfortable place and sit with a straight back. You may
prefer a chair or to sit with your back against a wall. Think of
something nice – I say this to my daughter a lot and actually it doesn’t
have to be any more complicated than that. Notice as thoughts come
and go. And they will. Try not to latch on to the thoughts, just let
them float by. Be gentle with yourself as you explore a meditative
practice. As you learn to let the thoughts go, your brain will become
calmer and you will find that your mind eventually clears and you are
indeed meditating.
I have shared with you below a lovely Chakra Meditation practice that I
find wonderful, especially at night. I have used it myself and also, with
my daughter to help her sleep as well as with clients for relaxation.
It’s beautiful and works well for adults and children. I find that
rubbing a child’s forehead whilst gently talking through the
meditation helps them sleep. When your children sleep, they are
happier and you get more time to yourself. Actually, it can be a “two
in one” solution as by the time you have guided your child to sleep,
you become calm and very relaxed too!
CHAKRA MEDITATION
Find a comfortable space, either with a straight back or in bed –
wherever suits you. Close your eyes. Take your brain to somewhere
that you really love - a place where you are perfectly contented and
happy. Be in that place for a moment. Appreciate the space. Be happy
there. A little smile may come to your face as you enjoy being there.
As you experience that lovely place, you notice an archway that you
have never seen before. You are curious. You wander slowly there and
walk through. Through the archway you have arrived in the most
beautiful meadow filled with red flowers. You see red roses, poppies
and tulips. The earth beneath your feet is red. There are red apples
growing on trees. The warm sun is setting and the sky has a reddish
hue. You have never seen such a beautiful red space in your life. As
you walk barefoot on the soft red earth the red gives you energy. You
feel happy and contented in this wonderful place.
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You come to a gate. You would like to see what’s on the other side of
the gate. You open the gate and walk through. You are now in an
orchard filled with orange trees. You have never, ever, seen so many
oranges in one place. The scent of oranges fills the air. You breathe in
the lovely fresh aroma of the oranges. Orange tulips are growing at
the base of the orange trees and the earth beneath your feet is
covered in orange petals. The sky has turned a magnificent orange
colour. You notice a picnic blanket with orange cushions and orange
juice laid out there. You drink a glass of orange juice. It’s the most
delicious orange juice you have ever tasted. As you drink the tasty
juice and look at your beautiful orange surroundings, you notice an
archway. You wander slowly there.
Through this gate is a field of yellow with a bright yellow sun shining
down. You have arrived in a field full of primroses, sunflowers, tulips,
daffodils, yellow lilies – every yellow flower you can imagine. You see
your favourite and walk towards there. The ground beneath you is
covered in soft yellow petals. There’s a scent of lemon in the air. You
look up and in the distance you see a lemon grove. You feel clear-
headed and contented as you wander slowly through the field of
yellow. Now, you see yet another archway. You walk towards it and
through to the other side.
You are now in a huge green field with long green grass growing
there. You are at the top of the field which rolls gently downhill. You
sit down in the long grass and breathe in the fresh green-grass scent.
You have an urge to roll down the hill, through the grass like you did
when you were a child. Off you go. You feel young, free and ecstatic
as you roll down the hill through the green grass.
You land on a fabulous beach with a twinkling blue sea at your feet.
The sky is so blue you can’t make out where the sea and sky meet.
The sun is shining in the clear blue sky. It’s deliciously hot. You
decide to go for a swim. As you float free from care in the sparkly
water, you enjoy being there, surrounded by blue sea and blue sky. As
you swim along, you notice a shimmery purple light coming from a
cave in the rocks. You swim to the cave.
Inside is the most amazing formation of bright purple stalactites and
stalagmites lit by a wonderful purplish light. You stand and gaze in
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wonder around the cave. The purple light gives you a calm, relaxed,
sleepy feeling. You would like to lie down and snooze.
You notice a patch of pale, soft sand underneath a hole in the top of
the cave through which shines a gentle white light. The sand is warm
from the white sunlight shining down upon it. You lie there. The white
light surrounds you, gently heats your body. As you breathe in and
out in the white light, you start to gently doze. You are calm and
relaxed.
Are you asleep yet? Nearly there?
When going to sleep and also during the day – try smiling. Even if you
don’t feel like smiling, just make the movement. There’s so much
research that shows how actually smiling even when you don’t feel
like it, helps improve mood.
KNOW YOURSELF
Do you know who you really are and what you would really like from
life? Have you taken time to ask yourself what exactly it is you value?
Have you answered honestly? Did you write it down? If your 20 year-
old self looked ahead, do you think he/she would be proud and
delighted with life as it has turned out?
Do you think that when you reach 80 years of age you’ll look back
with happiness on your life? One particular study revealed that most
80 year olds when asked what their biggest regret in life is not being
true to themselves. It’s easy to trot out when asked about your values,
the usual acceptable values – honesty, integrity, family, friends, health
etc. Yes, most of us value those but there are other values you cherish
more - we all prioritize different ones. Do you know which values are
most important to you? Ask yourself if your actions each day honestly
reflect your own true values.
I have had a career where at least 70% of my actions did not reflect my
true self and what I value. While at some level I was aware of this, I
didn’t really listen to my subconscious and went from project to
project, knowing that I was digging a bigger hole in which to bury my
true self and what I valued. I maintained a level of happiness along the
way, had fun, adventures, enjoyed aspects of my work but what if I
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had listened to my subconscious sooner? I was brave, took risks, but
because I didn’t listen to my true self and act in accordance with what
I really valued, sometimes the risks I took, were not the right risks for
me. Eventually I was compelled to listen to the niggling doubts I had
about my actions not being true to my values as my stress levels
became so high working in a business I didn’t believe in. Then, I
discovered Coaching and this very quickly blasted away the last of the
self-limiting beliefs that were holding me back and continues today to
help me reach life-enhancing goals that I had previously not been
able to reach.
I studied Pharmacy in Trinity College Dublin, mainly because my
friends were going there and because my approved choices at the
time were teaching, medicine or pharmacy. I had absolutely no idea
what career would suit me when I left school at 17. I had a notion that
I might like languages and marketing but at the time, was not aware
of a clear career plan with a marketing qualification and so chose
Pharmacy.
College was mostly enjoyable but I had very little interest in my
studies. Certain aspects of the course, I found interesting but not all.
By the end of my four year course, I had only been in an actual
pharmacy a couple of times a year to buy Yardley gift sets for my
granny!
After the four years in college, there’s a requirement to do a further
year’s training in retail, hospital or industry. I chose retail. OMG, on
the first day there I got the shock of my life. I found it mind-
numbingly boring. For my lunch hour I hopped on my bicycle and
cycled – just cycled around Dublin city trying to accept my fate. I
couldn’t believe I had to spend a full year locked inside four walls. I
wasn’t a stranger to work but during my childhood I helped deliver
milk, did some farm work, helped in a hair salon and had various
other outdoor jobs that I really liked. During that first year working in
a small shop, I was so stressed that when I ate, I started to get sick. I
lost a lot of weight but I went into the pharmacy every day and just
worked. The people I worked with were lovely and I really enjoyed
chatting with customers which helped. But even though, I knew deep
down I had made a big mistake in my career choice – did I listen? Did I
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learn? Not yet. I didn’t have the confidence to make the changes I
needed and also, I didn’t realise back then, what an adverse effect not
acting in accordance with what I valued would have on my life.
Approximately a year after I finished training I opened up my own
retail pharmacy. I was 23 years old. I now had a bank loan and the
responsibility for running a business. Also, I didn’t have a clue how to
run any business. I figured I would sell it in three to five years and go
travelling. I was always planning ahead and not quite living in the
now.
The pharmacy was not going so well and when an opportunity came
to open a second shop in a bigger town I decided to go ahead. Again,
I knew it wasn’t exactly what I wanted to do with my life but at this
stage I felt that if I could succeed with the second shop, sell out in a
few years that then I could really do what I wanted to with my life. I
was going to slug it out for another while.
Well, here began a few years of hard work, long hours, bigger bank
loans, high interest rates, pressure. I started an MBA but didn’t finish
it as my whole life was taken up between work and study. I cried a lot,
(even to my eternal embarrassment, in front of the bank manager) felt
trapped but didn’t really, honestly ask myself what I could or would
do about it.
Then, I bought a third pharmacy. I closed down the original shop as it
was a drain on resources. Suddenly there was a lot of chatter in the
sector about the increased value of retail pharmacies. As I was hearing
this I decided to really focus on sales, margins and stock control in
my shops then sell. I said I would give it a year. It only took me 6
months to build the business the business to where it needed to be to
get the price I wanted. Then I successfully sold one pharmacy quickly,
at the height of the market for a higher price than I had expected.
Less than a year later I sold the second one. These were exciting
times. And, what a relief - I was finally going to live a life that was
true to myself. I was going to have an interesting, exciting life, doing
something completely different.
Except that – I didn’t actually sit down and ask myself honestly what
this life would be like. I have always thought of myself as an
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accidental business person. I love business, enjoy that it is a conduit
to meeting lots of different people, to helping people, & developing
myself and others, plus it often offers the opportunity to travel. I
really enjoy a good challenge. Because I never really loved being stuck
inside the four walls of a pharmacy, I used to explore other revenue
streams. I had come across some brands that weren’t represented in
Ireland. I went to meet the owners of a few of these, got the contracts
then set up a distribution company along with a business partner.
Ouch – out of the frying pan, into the fire!
There were aspects of the pharmacy business that I had enjoyed,
mainly meeting customers and getting to know people. I figured this
new business would be exciting. The company did well. The economy
was doing well. We landed some great brands – Neal’s Yard Remedies,
St Tropez Tan, Smashbox Cosmetics, Yes to Carrots and many more. I
enjoyed the travelling, meeting customers, working with brand
owners. Even though the business did well, I didn’t feel right about it.
I didn’t feel the sense that I was doing what was right for me in life. I
have a huge interest in health and reaching our potential in this world.
I didn’t feel that I was reaching mine. My business partner and I had
very different ideas about how a business should be run and this
caused huge problems for me personally and also for the business.
Years went by. Life was good and bad. The niggle in the back of my
mind that something wasn’t right remained there. It felt selfish to
complain though as on the surface I had everything – a successful
business, great husband and now a beautiful daughter.
It was when my daughter was about 8 months old that FINALLY, I had
the light-bulb moment. My business partner and I fundamentally
disagreed about how a business should be run. There really was no
way forward. We had had too many conversations about how we
would work together in a better way – nothing changed. One morning
I woke up and decided that I was prepared to walk away from the
business. I didn’t care what anyone thought of me. I didn’t mind how
much money it cost me. I was prepared to take whatever
consequences arose; I just had to get out. This was a sunny
Wednesday morning.
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By Friday of the same week, it was agreed that I would buy my
business partner out of the business.
Now, I was on the road. I had a plan. I was going to change the culture
within the business, build a fabulous team, take-on the world. I was
excited about business again. Within a year I would sell it though, and
move on. I still believed I would travel the world with a backpack –
actually I still believe this!
This was easier said than done. The changes I implemented cost a lot
of time, money and energy. Current employees didn’t want to change
(surprise!). I spent so much money on various training modules to try
to maximise employee, my own and company potential. I realised I
needed to make more changes than I had previously thought. One
particular employee just decided to close his eyes and sleep through
some (expensive)training seminars. Another employee took a dislike
to one particularly effective (and fun) trainer and called in sick for the
(also expensive) sessions. This led, of course to other problems. Next
the economy began to slow down, sales weren’t what they were for
certain brands. We needed new ones. I couldn’t afford to hire the type
of employees I really needed (or so I thought – but this is more a
business story than a happiness one), I was managing all aspects of
the business; sales, marketing, logistics, admin - everything. The
recession came, I couldn’t sell the business. I had to cut costs,
restructure and learn how to work differently. The hours got longer,
staff had their own worries – things were tough but we had sales to
achieve and the company just had to survive and thrive.
During this time, I used “The Five Thank You’s” every morning and the
“Three Things I Did Well Today” on the way home from work. They
helped but I still really felt deep down that I was trapped in my
business and really not making the most of my true potential in any
positive way. Sometimes, this feeling overwhelmed me and even
though I started most days with a plan and feeling up for the
challenge, by the end of many days, I felt overwhelmed, I had
moments of happiness and calm, - at a yoga class, walking on the
beach, even when I decided to take time out for a cuppa and
something freshly baked containing chocolate. This went on for a few
years and in 2013, when I started business planning for the coming
18
year, I realised that there was no way I was going to continue to live a
life that wasn’t true to my values. The business demanded most of my
time. My daughter really wanted to spend more time with me. I had no
energy left to meet friends or do anything else. I stopped sleeping,
woke up 5 nights a week at 4am; often was at my desk by 5.30/6am
to start a 12-14 hour day. I stopped having happy feelings. I felt so
out of touch with what I believed life was all about. I was so tired that
I couldn’t give my best to family, work or my health.
For a short time, I actually forgot how to be happy. I couldn’t imagine
ever being happy again. The subconscious voices suddenly became
conscious voices and I decided once more to listen to myself – finally.
I had to make a BIG decision – I finally had to decide to act in
accordance with what I valued most – family, health, reaching
potential, enjoying life, friends.
I moved on – immediately. One year later, I had recovered, retrained
and embraced a career in mentoring and coaching. If stressful
situations arrive I can deal with them calmly. I experience intense
periods of happiness every single day. I have remembered how to be
happy and am contented most of the time. I have recovered my
generosity – to others and to myself. Instead of feeling unworthy
because I am not acting in accordance with my values and fulfilling
my sense of purpose, I am focused and lead a happy and fulfilled life.
How has this happened?
I retrained myself to be happy and confident. I reclaimed my sleep and
exercise almost every day. Keeping a gratitude journal is a constant
reminder of how lucky I am. I act in accordance with my values and
have a sense of purpose. I believe that if I can do it, anyone can.
GET TO KNOW YOURSELF WORKSHEET
Answer honestly the questions below:
1. How happy am I with my life? Family/Home? Work?/Health/Fitness/Other? Use a
scale of 0 - 5(0 = unhappy to 5 = 100% happy)
2. Why exactly am I unhappy?
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3. List the three most important reasons why I am not happy?
4. What are my top 5 values in order of priority?
5. What did I do today/in the past week that reflects a life lived paying attention to my
values?
6. How did that make me feel?
7. What do I do regularly that shows I don’t live in accordance with my core values?
8. How does that make me feel?
9. What are the top three actions I can take immediately to change how I feel and
results?
10. What will happen when I make these changes?
11. How will I feel if I make the changes?
12. How will I feel if I don’t make the changes?
13. What will happen if I don’t make the changes?
DAILY, WEEKLY, MONTHLY ACTION PLAN FOR
HAPPINESS
No matter what your goals are, and everyone’s goals are different, the
simple plan set out below will take you towards them. All it takes is a
few minutes every day.
YOUR DAILY ACTION PLAN
1. The Five Thank You’s
2. The Three things I did today that made me feel good/furthered the
business/family ie honoured my values
3. 5-10 Minute Meditation
4. 20 minutes of exercise (absolute minimum)
5. One small (or large!) act of generosity
YOUR WEEKLY ACTION PLAN
1. Set/Review Goals & progress
2. Do one enjoyable thing for yourself every week – believe that you deserve it.
You do.
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YOUR MONTHLY ACTION PLAN
1. Review your progress
2. Plan for the next 30 days
3. Take some extra time to relax (in whatever way suits you best)
4. Celebrate your successes
SOME FURTHER QUESTIONS TO ASK YOURSELF
Answer honestly.
1. Do you feel happy, productive and excited about life every day?
2. List the situations where you feel happy – places, actions, people you are with.
3. Make a list of when you feel unhappy. What are the causes? What can you do about
it?
4. What are the issues holding you back from reaching goals, from being happy?
5. Write down all the limiting beliefs you have about yourself that may be holding you
back.
6. What would you need to believe about yourself to move towards reaching goals and
being happier?
7. What actions can you take today, tomorrow, next week and within the next month to
radically increase the “happy actions”?
8. Do you have days when you just can’t/don’t get going?
9. How many days/week/month? Add these up to days per year.
10. Is there a pattern to these days?
11. Do you have days when you achieve lots?
12. How many days/week/month?
13. Is there a pattern to these days?
14. Are you reaching your full potential?
15. If not, why not?
16. Do you want to reach your full potential?
17. If not, why not?
18. Do you believe you would be happier if you raised the bar? Reached your potential?
19. What passionately drives you?
20. Do you like that feeling?
21. Do you laugh every day?
22. Do you smile every day?
23. Do you have a period every day where you feel relaxed?
24. Do you wish your life was different but can’t seem to do anything about it?
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25. List five things you would like to change about your life./Goals
26. List three reasons why you would like to change each.
27. List three actions you need to take to reach your goals.
28. Decide on a date – write it in your diary
The tips above if you decide to action them and practice regularly will
paint the canvas for a happier life and if nothing else, should
challenge your thinking about your own fulfilment and happiness. If
there are major issues in your life that you would like further help
with, there are many professionals available – find the one that you
identify with.
The important thing to remember is that when you focus on being
happy and practice some basic steps, you can and will improve your
life and live a life worthy of yourself.
www.thecoachingequation.com
+353 86 2424180
Skype: attracta.burke