By Andrea Bartz • Photographs by Fredrik Broden

SENSEAND

SENSITIVITY

THEY TEAR UP ATPHONE COMMERCIALS.THEY BROOD FOR DAYS

OVER A GENTLE RIBBING.THEY KNOW WHAT YOU’REFEELING BEFORE YOU DO.

THEIR NERVE CELLS AREACTUALLY HYPERREACTIVE.SAY HELLO TO THE HIGHLY

SENSITIVE PERSON—YOU’VE PROBABLY ALREADY

MADE HIM CRY.

72 Psychology Today July/August 2011

July/August 2011 Psychology Today 75

they take action. Any risks they face arecarefully calculated.

DELICATE SUBJECTSthe notion that there is awhole

categoryofpeoplewhosenervoussystemsoverreact toordinary stimuli grewoutofthe personal experience of psychologistElaineAron. In 1991, she began seeing apsychotherapistforhelpcopingwithherintense response to amedical issue. OnAron’s second visit, the therapist non-chalantly suggested that Aron’s outsizereactiontoaminorphysicalproblemwas“justbecauseyou’rehighly sensitive.”“I had noticed I was different,” she

says, “but I didn’t have away to concep-tualize it. The termstuckwithme, and Isetouttoseewhatwereallymeanby‘sen-sitivity.’”Theshort answer:nothing likethe acute emotional responsiveness shehad inmind. An in-depth search of theliterature turned up only an occasionalreferencetochemicalormedicationsen-

sitivityandvaguereferences tosensitiv-ity as a keydimensionofmothering.Aron’s search led her to the work of

ErnestHartmann,apsychiatristatTuftsUniversity best known for his dreamresearch.Around the same time, hewassolidifying the concept of boundaries asa dimension of personality and way ofexperiencingtheworld.Life,heobserves,ismadeupofboundaries—betweenpastand present, you and me, subject andobject.Andpeoplediffer inthewaytheyembody andperceive boundaries.Inhisschema,peoplewiththinmen-

talboundariesdonotclearlyseparatethecontents of consciousness, so that a fan-tasy lifeofdaydreamingmaybumprightupagainsteverydayreality. It’sas if thosewith thinboundarieshaveporousshellsthat allowmore of their environment topenetrate and “get” to them—and intotheirdreams.Hartmann’sconceptof the

aroundthem,thepresenceofanagitatedperson, even a strangerwithwhomtheynever interact, canmake themuneasy.HSPsoftenhaveaheightenedsenseof

smellortouchand,say,zerotoleranceforitchy fabrics or sudden sounds—reflect-ingtheir lowthresholdforsensoryinput.They complain about things no one elsenotices; a colleague’s deodorant or ascented candle gives them headaches.Andthere’sthatdamnlightbuzzingintheotherwise quiet office. An hour or twointo a party or other sensory-rich eventandthey’vewithdrawntoacorner,apre-ludetoannouncingtheyneedtogohome.Above all, HSPs are defined by their

internal experience. “It’s like feelingsomethingwith50 fingers asopposed to10,”explainsJudithOrloff,apsychiatristand author ofEmotional Freedom. “Youhavemore receptors toperceive things.”Highly sensitive people are often

taken for introverts, and, aswith intro-verts,socialinteractiondepletesthem.But

in fact they react strongly to everythingin their environment. As a result, theyneed and typically seek extra processingtime to sort out their experience. Aboutone in fiveHSPs are actually extraverts,socialsensationseekerswhoderivepleas-urefromchattyinteractions.Butthey,too,draw unusually heavily on cognitivehorsepower to digest their experiences.Rothstein-Kramer considers herself

a highly sensitive extravert. “I’d even gowith ‘gregarious,’” she says, chuckling.“Whenpeoplearepositive, it inspiresmetobemoreoutgoingandenergized.”Butnegative interactions sendher spiralingsouth:“Peoplegivemethehighesthighsand lowest lows.”In general, the heavy cognitive

demandsonallHSPspredisposethemtoamorereactivethanboldlyactivestancein life. All that sensory input consumespsychic resources for thinking before

learn to dial down the relentless swoop-ing and cresting of emotions that is thealmost invariable accompaniment toextremesensitivityareabletotransformrawperceptionintokeenperceptiveness.Dan Nainan, a full-time stand-up

comic based in New York, gets tunnelvisionaftereveryshow:“Athousandpeo-plestopbyandsaytheyenjoyedit,butonepersonsayssomethingnegativeandItakeit sopersonally,” he says. “It’s led to somefights and has almost come to physicalblows.”Heappreciatestheironyinhatingcriticismyetvoluntarilygettinginfrontofapackedauditoriumeverynight.“Inareg-ular9-to-5,noone’swalking uptoyouandyelling, ‘You’re terrible!’ ”

THEOUTSIDE, AMPLIFIEDhighly sensitive people are all

around us. Theymake up about 20 per-centof thepopulation,andlikely includeequal numbers of men andwomen. Allthe available evidence suggests they areborn andnotmade.Youwould likely spot them by their

most visible feature, their overemotion-ality. Shari Lynn Rothstein-Kramer,who owns a marketing firm in Miami,Florida, cries almost daily. The sight of abeautifuloutfitorexquisitehandbagcanchoke her up. She recently found a notefrom a neighbor on herwindshield thatread, “Park in the middle of your space!!”andteareduponthespot.Shehadtoper-suadeherself not to let it ruinherday.The proverbial thin skin of HSPs

covers a highly permeable nervous sys-tem.Gentleribbingoranoffhandjabcanleave thembrooding fordays.But justaslikely,anunexpectedcomplimentorkindexchange can send theirmood soaring,while the sight of a dad playing ador-ingly with his child can bring on tearsfueledby a rushofwarmth.A news segment about a disturbing

event—a death, a rape—can upset themdeeply.Readingaboutarecentgangrape,NewYork actor andwriter JimDailakisbecame “overwhelmingly emotional. Icouldn’t stop thinking about what thatpoor woman went through and how itaffected her loved ones. I felt sadnessmixedwithunbelievableragetowardherattackers.”Giventheirextremeabilitytosenseandinternalizethemoodsof those

ettling into a chair for coffee with a friend, Jodi Fedor feels her heart begin topound.Tensioncreepsthroughherribcage.Angervibrates inhersolarplexus.Butshe’snotupset aboutanything.Thepersonacross fromher is.Fedor soaksupothers’moodslike a sponge.Onawalk throughherneighborhood inOttawa,Canada, her attentionzeroes in on

theonebudded leaf thathasn’tunfurled; it bringsa lumptoher throat.Thecawingof afar-offcrowgalvanizesherattention.Anabandonednesthalf-hiddenamidthetreetopsfills herwith awe.Less lovely stimuli can have equally powerful effects. As a child, a casual school-

yardtaunt ledto“sobbingandhistrionics.”Nowadaysasmallslightcanricochetthroughher entire body “like I’mactuallywounded.”Fedor issensitive—anadjectiveusuallyprecededby too. “I’mlikeanexposednerve,”

she says. “At its worst, my sensitivity turnsme into an emotional weather vane at thewhimofmy environment.” But at its best, it’s a gift, a fine-tuned finger on the pulse ofevery flutter of her surroundings.

The Highly Sensitive Personhasalwaysbeenpartof thehumanlandscape. There’s evidence thatmanycreativetypesarehighlysen-sitive,perceivingculturalcurrentslongbeforetheyaremanifesttothemainstream, able to take in therichness of small things othersoften miss. Others may be espe-ciallysensitivetoanimalsandhowtheyarehandled.They’realso theones whose feelings are so easilybruised that they’re constantlybeing told to “toughenup.”Today, science is validating a

groupofpeoplewhosesensitivitysurfaces inmany domains of life.Attuned to subtleties of all kinds,theyhaveacomplex inner lifeandneed time toprocess the constantflow of sensory data that is theirinheritance. Somemay be partic-ularly prone to the handful ofhard-to-pin-down disorders likechronic fatigue syndrome andfibromyalgia. Technology is nowproviding an especially revealingwindow into that which likelydefines them all—a nervous sys-tem set to register stimuli at verylow frequency and amplify theminternally.Weallexperienceshadesofsen-

sitivity.Who isn’t rockedby rejec-tionandcrushedbycriticism?ButforHSPs, emotional experience isat such a constant intensity that itshapes their personality and theirlives—jobperformance, social life,intimaterelationships—asmuchasgender and race do. Those who

IT’S LIKE FEELINGSOMETHING WITH 50 FINGERS

AS OPPOSED TO 10.

76 Psychology Today July/August 2011

thin-boundariedseemedtosuggest thatthereindeedexistsagroupofpeoplewhotake in awhole lotmore thanothers.Too, Aron saw intimations of highly

sensitivepeople inJeromeKagan’snow-classic research delineating infant tem-perament.AHarvardpsychologist,Kaganhad found that about 10 to 20percent ofinfantsbeginlifewithatightlytunedner-vous system that makes them easilyaroused,jumpy,anddistressedinresponseto novel stimuli. Such highly reactiveinfants,ashetermedthem,runtheriskofgrowing into “inhibited” children,whotend to withdraw from experience as adefenseandareathighrisk foranxiety.Kagan says his “high reactives” have

only one specific kind of sensitivity—“asensitivity to events in the environmentthat imply a new challenge.” And brainimaging studies show that their reactiv-ityreflectsadistinctivebiologicalfeature:a hyperresponsive amygdala, the braincenter that assesses threats and governs

the fear response. Unexpected events—fromablizzard to apopquiz—set off thealarm system embedded in their natur-ally touchy amygdala, keeping themontheconstant lookout fordanger.Relievedtofindindicationsthatthere

existed people governed by sensitivity,Aronwas disappointed that the feature,however defined, was associated onlywithpathology.Asapsychologist,shesays,“I decided to start at the ground and seewhat peoplewho identifywith thewordthinkof it.”Thirty“grueling” three-hourinterviewslater,shewasonherwaytocre-ating a 27-itemquestionnaire that is thebenchmark for sensitivity. “I have a rich,complex inner life.” Check. “I ammadeuncomfortableby loudnoises.”Check.

BORNTOBEMILDadvancing neuroscience research

suggests that the kind of emotional sen-

sitivityAronhadinmindmightbelinkedto specific variations ingeneexpressionin the nervous system, notably genesrelatedtoproductionof theneurotrans-mitters serotonin anddopamine.One gene variation, the short-short

alleleoftheserotonintransporter5-HTT,has longbeenassociatedwithavulnera-bility to depression and anxiety. Recentdataindicatethattheverysamegenevari-antbringsanarrayofcognitivebenefits—including better, and more profitable,decision-making ingamblingsituations.Aron suspects the allelemay be presentinHSPs andcould account for their ten-dency to assess risks thoroughly.“It’s hard to imagine this trait endur-

ing in thegenepool if it ledonly tonega-tiveemotionslikedepression,”Aronsays.“Theproblematicoutcomesare justeas-ier to observe thanmore positive inter-actionswith the environment.”Brainimagingstudiessuggestrealdif-

ferences in the brains of HSPs versus

everyone else. Cortical areas linked toattentionandprocessingperceptualdatashowhigheractivation inresponsetoallkinds of stimuli. Further, the possibilityof reward sparks an outsize response inthe reward circuit, and fear-relatedregionsareparticularlystirredbythreats.In his own research on thin-bound-

ariedpeople,Tufts’ErnestHartmannhasfoundastronglinktocreativitythatAronbelievesapplies toHSPsaswell.Ofhun-dredsofstudentartistsandmusicianshehasstudied,nearlyall testpositiveonhisthin-boundaries questionnaire. Manyfewer do among those who are able tomake a profession of the arts—suggest-ing that it takes more than practice tomake it toCarnegieHall.A 2003 study reported in the Journal

of Personality and Social Psychologyfound that the brains of creative peopleappear to be farmore open to incoming

TIPS FORTHE TOUCHY

Highly sensitive? “You’ve probablygone through life assuming you’relike the other 80 percent of people,”Aron says. “The truth is, you need awhole different instructionmanual.”Here are a few adjustments you canmake to sync your life with yourmode of sensory processing.

• Designate downtime.Your brainworks overtimeprocessinginput and soaking upothers’moods, soit needs a chance to recover. “Limitstimulationwhen you can,” Aron sug-gests. “Turn the radio offwhen you’redriving. Use a sleepmask and earplugsat night.”Meditation is also a powerfulway to tampdown stress hormones.Orloff prescribes quick, three-minutemeditations during the day: Sit quietly,put your handover your heart, deepenyour breathing, and focus on some-thing beautiful—apicture of your child.

• Talk yourself calm.Sensitive people aren’t doomed tospend life reeling from rejection. It’spossible to rein in a response before itspirals down to depression. Fedorcarries a checklist in herwallet andruns through itwhen she feels underattack: “Is this aboutme?What is theintent of the other person?Am I react-ing because this brings out fear inme?”Similarly, Rothstein-Kramer asks her-self, “Howcan I interpret this situationin a differentway?” “Practice control-ling your reactions,” she says; “eventu-ally a little digwon’t throwyou.”

• Change your interactions.Kindly but firmly cut off energy drains.Say your friend ismidway through herumpteenth rant about her job. “Youhave to lovingly butmatter-of-factlysay, ‘I see you’re going through some-thing; when youwant to get intosolutions, I’m here for you, but rightnow this is hard forme to listen to,’”Orloff explains. “Tone of voice iseverything.”

• Arm yourself.Sometimes, you’ll be forced into asituation that sucks you dry—a con-ference youmust endure for work, abusiness lunch with an insufferablekvetch. Protect yourself: “Visualize ashield around your body, keepingnegative input out,” Orloff says.

• Rewrite history.Think back to the decisions you’veregretted and the things you dislikeabout yourself: “Very often, they haveto dowith sensitivity,” Aron pointsout. The surprise party where youwound up crying in your room and thepromotion you turned down becauseit involved toomuch pressuremakemuchmore sense through the lens ofyour sensitivity. Acknowledge this.

IN PERSONALITY, HSPSMAY SEEM MOODY, DRAMATIC,TIMID, PERHAPS EVEN WIMPY.

July/August 2011 Psychology Today 79

registered as highly sensitive. But onceshe started administering the test to thegeneral population, far fewer than 20percent ofmales cameupHSP-positive.Where did the guys go—or were theynever there to beginwith?Aron insists that males and females

are born highly sensitive in equal num-bers—but some men grow up activelyhiding it. “Theydon’twant to identifyassensitive.”Kagan’s“reactives,”too,weremaleand

female inequalmeasure—at4monthsofage. But “the male peer group is veryharshwith shy, timid boys,” he explains,andbyyoungadulthood, thehighlyreac-tivemaleswere very difficult to pick outfromthenonreactivepopulation.Theneuralbasisofsensitivityappears

nodifferent inmenandwomen. But theresulting behaviors—tearing up in joy,getting upset by a ribbing, feeling over-whelmedataconcertorsportingevent—mayviolateevencontemporaryWestern

standardsofmasculinity.HSPmalesmaylook effeminate to potentialmates. (No,there’s no evidence thatHSPmales aredisproportionately homosexual.)“InNorth America, in particular, we

expect boys to be tough and to be risk-takers,” says Ted Zeff, a San Franciscopsychologistwhose in-depthinterviewswithmore than 30 highly sensitivemenin five countries resulted in a book,TheStrong, Sensitive Boy. “Boys are told tohideall emotionsother thananger.Thisisespeciallyhardonsensitiveboys,whohavetorepresstheirnatural tendencies.”NewYork’sJimDailakisadmits“Idef-

initely hidemy sensitivity from certainpeople.Wearingyourheartcompletelyonyour sleeve leaves you open to ridicule.”

DOUBLE-EDGEDEFFECTSinternalized by ahighlysensitive

child, ridiculecansnowball intodepres-

negativity of others, they can flourish.HSPs inhabit a teeming world of

vibrant colors, sharp smells, strikingsounds, andpowerful tugs at their emo-tions. “I am, and I always will be,extremelyawareofmyenvironmentandthepeoplewithinit,”Fedorsays.AsCEOofasuccessfulbeautycompany, shesur-rounds herself with supportive people.“I triedtougheningup, rootingmyself intaxingsituations,”shesays. “ThenIreal-ized I was spending my time copinginsteadofthriving.NowIknowthatIcanchoosetorespondortoletsomethinggo.”For her, it’s a purerway of savoring thispiquantworld. PT

ANDREA BARTZ is the News Editor of

Psychology Today.

sion. Likewise, a “Nice job!” atop a bookreport might not seem like a game-changer, but to a sensitive child a littleencouragementcanhaveoutsizeeffects,motivating a child to reproduce thatbehavior—say, by studyingwell for thenexttest.Schoolandparentingpracticescandramaticallyshapethedevelopmentof highly sensitive children, who canthrive spectacularly in amildly encour-aging classroomor struggle endlessly inaslightlydiscouragingone,whileanon-sensitive childwouldwindupabout thesameregardlessofslightvariationsintheenvironment.The possibility of opposite out-

comes—downward spiral or rocketingsuccess—underscoresthedouble-edgednatureofsensitivity.Neitherflawnorgift,it is, rather, an amplifier of an environ-ment’seffects.Sensitivepeoplewhohap-pened to have troubled childhoodsmaywind upwith high rates of anxiety anddepression, but HSPs who were loved

andencouragedaschildrencangrowintowell-adjusted adults.

“YOUWON’TMAKEME SOUNDCRAZY,WILL YOU?”

fedor and rothstein-kramerbothaskthesamequestion,outoftheblue,mid-interview. Connoisseurs of smallslights, studypartnerswho cannot focuswiththatstupidjackhammerroaringout-side,HSPsaresubjecttoaconstantinfluxofcriticismexhortingthemtotoughenupor to grow cojones. Thatmessage—thatthey’re somehowunacceptable as theyare—resonateswith intensity.Aron would like to see HSPs focus

more on what they have to offer. Theymake compassionate friendswho trulycare about others; they channel beautyfrom theworld into art andmusic; theynotice things othersmiss. Ensconced insafeenvironmentsandsteeledagainstthe

stimuli than those of the noncreative.Duringasimpletask, theyexperiencelit-tle latent inhibition—theydonot screenout irrelevant data from consciousnessandmore of their brains are highly acti-vated frommoment tomoment.Their extreme responsiveness to all

situations, Aron believes, makes HSPsprone to anxiety and depression in theface of a distressing situation. But it alsomakes life richer; sights, sounds, flavors,images of beauty aremore vivid. It’s as ifHSPsalone see theworld inhigh-def.

ABASIS IN BIOLOGYyet another facet ofsensitivity is

the focus of independent research by

MichaelJawer.Adecadeago,Jawerwasan investigator for the EnvironmentalProtection Agency looking into reportsofsickbuildingsyndromeandpreparingair-qualityguidanceforbuildingowners.Why,hewantedtoknow,didonlyahand-fulofpeoplecomplainaboutindoorenvi-ronmental conditions?

“Some said that in everyday lifethey’ve been disabled by exposure tocolognes, paints, pesticides, trace ele-mentsintheair,”hesays.“Andsomewentontotellmethey’dbeenemotionallysen-sitive formany years. Perhaps the samefactors thatweredisposing certainpeo-pletocomplainabouttheirenvironmentsuggestedabroaderaspectofsensitivity

than just the emotional kind.”When he surveyed people Aron had

identifiedasHSPs,hefoundunusualsus-ceptibility to an array of conditions longthoughttohaveapsychosomaticcompo-nent.Muchmorethanothers inthepop-ulation, they suffered from migraines,irritablebowelsyndrome,chronicfatiguesyndrome, allergies, and fibromyalgia.Jawerfeltthefindingspointtowide-scalebiological differences inHSPs.“Takemigraines,” he says. “Weknow

they’retriggeredbyanumberofthingsinthe environment—sights, smells, evenchanges intheweather.”Moods, too,canact as a catalyst: “Strong feelings, evenones people don’t realize they have, can

bringmigraineson,”saysJawer.HebelievesHSPsareunusuallytouchytobothemotionalandtangibleirri-tants—tomean-spiritedcommentsaswellaspollenordanderintheair.Behind it all, says Orloff, is

likely a hair-trigger flight-or-fightresponse.Alowerthresholdofacti-vation of stress hormones wouldleave the body floodedwith corti-solandadrenaline.Chronicallyele-vated stress hormones are linkedwith a host of health problems,from heart disease to decreasedbonedensity to impairedmemory.ToAron, the evidence adds up

to a distinctive personality type.TheHSP’s touchynervous systemleads to a touchy temperament.Like the princess sensing the peabelow her tower of mattresses,HSPsperceivetheslightestsenso-ry or emotional provocation, thenrespondwithaflurryofbrainactiv-itythatbegetsanoutsizereaction—rumination, tears, histrionics, ononehand,orunbridledenthusiasmon the other. Their personalitiesmay run thegamut frommoody todramatic—all the product of theiruniquebiology.

MISSINGMEN?in crafting her question-

naire, Aron was determined toinclude only those questionsmenandwomenansweredinequalpro-portions and calibrated it so that20 percent of males and females

DEALINGWITHDELICATEPEOPLESince 20 percent of the population ishighly sensitive, “you’re probablyworkingwith or are even friendswithone—you just didn’t realize it,” Aronsays. Now that you know the hall-marks of this personality, adjust yourbehavior tomake your interactionssmoother.

• Skip the tips.HSPs aremighty sick of hearing,“You really shouldn’t let it get to you”fromwell-meaning friends. They expe-rience it as a put-down, a suggestionthat they’ve done somethingwrong.Say somethingmore reassuring—suchas, thatwhatever situation is causingthem stresswill improve shortly.

•Modify your view.In a close relationship, youmaydiscover you’ve beenmakingwrongassumptions about your partner.Youmay hear things like “I never likedgoing to those sporting events orconcerts,” Aronwarns. Forgo thetemptation to respondwith grief oranger. Just accept it.

•Respect their space.AcommonmistakeHSPs’ loved onesmake: hovering. “They promise theirpartner an hour of recharge time,”Orloff says, “and then they hangaroundwaiting for you to comeout.”Better to tell them, “Fine, go replenish,I’ll be outmowing the lawn”—and do it.

IT’SNEITHERA FLAWNORAGIFTBUTRATHERANAMPLIFIER

OFANDENVIRONMENT’SEFFECTS.