Organizing a Winner

Remember the big goals

To write eloquently using intentional structure (at the essay, paragraph and sentence level), sophisticated and content-specific vocabulary, as well as technical mechanics (AP).

Develop and strengthen writing as needed by planning, revising, editing, rewriting, or trying a new approach, focusing on addressing what is most significant for a specific purpose and audience (CCSS).

Today’s Objective

With the help of a mini-lesson, examples, and collaboration, I will revise the organization in my essay

1-by outlining my ideas, then using the outline to restructure my essay.

2-rewriting my introduction with a new hook

Organization

Skeleton of your essay (variety)

Structure Order of main

ideas Introduction,

conclusion Creates flow,

impact, cohesion

Organizing Structures for Narratives (Prompt: a mistake you made and how it influenced you) Chronological Topical

1. Introduction

2. My mistake then

3. How I was correct

4. What I learned

5. How I’ll apply it

6. Conclusion

1. Introduction

2. Brief retelling of mistake

3. Dishonest/honest

4. Defensive/receptive

5. Isolated/collaborative

6. Conclusion

Model Outline and Objective 1

Introduction

Make an IMMEDIATE SALE! Admissions Officers spend 1-2

minutes per essay Your intro matters!!! Grab them with a hook

Potential Hooks

Grabbing the reader

so they don’t let go!

Begin with a simile or a metaphor.

My life has been a carnival. My family is like an open book.

Begin with a question

Who is the greatest athlete of all times?

Begin with a definition.

Amiable is the best way to describe my personality: I am friendly and caring. Perfect is the best adjective to describe me: I am flawless in every aspect of my life.

Begin with a quotation (book, song, poem, etc).

“Learn to laugh” is something my kindergarten teacher told me after Ralph Thorsen spilled paint on my daffodil picture.

Begin with a comparison to a well-known person or celebrity.

I am as photogenic as Tyra Banks.

Begin with placing yourself in the future.

In the year 2012 I see myself as a supreme ballerina performing in Camelot at the Kennedy Center in Washington, D.C.

Begin with a dilemma.

Deciding to attend Hampton Roads Academy, a private school, was one of my most difficult decisions.

Begin with a scene.

The day of my birth began with Hurricane Charlie pounding at our door in Charleston, South Carolina.

Begin with the best advice you have ever received.

“Butch, did you practice the piano?” Since I was six years old, this has been a daily reminder from my dear mother. “Be all you can be” has been my inspiration from my grandfather who is a retired Marine Corps colonel and my mentor.

Begin with an anecdote.

Anecdote: a usually short narrativeof an interesting,

amusing, or biographical incident a short story about an interesting or

funny event or occurrence As my cousin and I pedaled our new bikes

to the beach, 6 years old, suntanned and young, we met an old, shaggy-haired man weaving unsteadily on a battered old bike.

Make a confessional-type statement.

"I have to admit, I lost my cool the other day"

"Can I tell you something? I made a bad business decision."

Write lines of dialogue.

“Why are cleaning the taps with your toothbrush, grandma?”

“That is the way I learned in the war.”

Use a fact or statistic.

Fact: Many studies show that the biological sleep pattern for teens shifts a few hours, which means teens naturally stay up later and feel alert later in the morning.

Statistic: According to the Bureau of Justice Statistics, teens and young adults experience the highest rates of violent crime, a rate of 62%.

Use a sound word.

Onomatopoeia is a word that makes sounds. Those can be animal sounds, car sounds, or any other sound.

Examples include: Bang! Woof! or Cock-a-doodle-doo!

Write a thematic statement (something about theme).Americans are wasteful; the growing garbage piles in the ocean haunt me at night.

Consider

Which hooks are best for narratives, and which hooks are best for AP?

The best hooks are authentic (not forced) and align to your thesis.

Resources

Thank you Ana from http://www.thewritertoday.com/2009/07/10-writing-hooks.html