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On Saying Please

The young lift-man in a City office who threw a passenger out of his liftthe other morning and was fined for the offence was undoubtedly in the wrong.It was a question of 'Please'. The complainant entering the lift, said, 'Top'. Thelift-man demanded 'Top-please' and this concession being refused he not onlydeclined to comply with the instruction, but hurled the passenger out of the lift.This, of course was carrying a comment on manner too far. Discourtesy is nota legal offence, and it does not excuse assault and battery. If a burglar breaksinto my house and I knock him down, the law will acquit me, and if I amphysically assaulted, it will permit me to retaliate with reasonable violence. Itdoes this because the burglar and my assailant have broken quite definite com-mands of the law, but no legal system could attempt to legislate against badmanners, or could sanction the use of violence against something which it doesnot itself recognize as a legally punishable offence. And whatever our sympathywith the lift-man, we must admit that the law is reasonable. It would never doif we were at liberty to box people's ears because we did not like their behav-iour, or the tone of their voices, or the scowl on their faces. Our fists wouldnever be idle, and the gutters of the City would run with blood all day.

I may be as uncivil as I may please and the law will protect me aganistviolent retaliation. I may be haughty or boorish and there is no penalty to payexcept the penalty of being written down an ill-mannered fellow. The law doesnotcompel me to say 'please' or to attune my voice to other people's sensibilities anymore than it says that I shall not wax my moustache or dye my hair or wearringlets down my back. It does not recognize the laceration of our feelings asa case for compensation. There is no allowance for moral and intellectual dam-ages in these matters.

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This does not mean that the damages are negligible. It is probable that thelift-man was much more acutely hurt by what he regarded as a slur upon hissocial standing than he would have been if he had a kick on the shins, for whichhe could have got a legal redress. The pain of a kick on the shins soon passesaway but the pain of a wound to our self-respect or our vanity may poison awhole day. I can imagine that lift-man, denied the relief of throwing the authorof his wound out of the lift, brooding over the insult by the hour, and visitingit on his wife in the evening as the only way of restoring his equilibrium. Forthere are few things more catching than bad temper and bad manners. When SirAnthony Absolute bullied Captain Absolute, the latter went out and bullied hisman, Fag, whereupon Fag went out downstairs and kicked the page-boy. Prob-ably the man who said ‘Top’ to the lift man was really only getting back on hisemployer who had not said ‘Good morning’ to him because he himself had beenhenpecked at breakfast by his wife, to whom the cook had been insolent becausethe housemaid had ‘answered her back’. We infect the world with our ill hu-mours. Bad manners probably do more to poison the stream of the general lifethan all the crimes in the calendar. For one wife who gets a black eye from anotherwise good natured husband there are a hundred who live a life of martyr-dom under the shadow of a morose temper. But all the same the law cannotbecome the guardian of our private manners. No Decalogue could cover the vastarea of offences and no court could administer a law which governed our socialcivilities, our speech, the tilt of our eyebrows and all our moods and manners.

But though we are bound to endorse the verdict against the lift-man mostpeople will have a certain sympathy with him. While it is true that there is nolaw that compels us to say ‘Please’, there is a social practice much older andmuch more sacred than any law which enjoins us to be civil. And the firstrequirement of civility is that we should acknowledge a service. ‘Please’ and‘Thank you’ are the small change with which we pay our way as social beings.They are the little courtesies by which we keep the machine of life oiled andrunning sweetly. They put our intercourse upon the basis of a friendly co opera-tion an easy give and take, instead of on the basis of superiors dictating toinferiors. It is a very vulgar mind that would wish to command where he can

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have the service for asking, and have it with willingness and good feelinginstead of resentment.

I should like to 'feature' in this connection my friend, the polite conductor.By this discriminating title, I do not intend to suggest a rebuke to conductorsgenerally. On the contrary, I am disposed to think that there are few classes ofmen who come through the ordeal of a very trying calling better than busconductors do. Here and there you will meet an unpleasant specimen who re-gards the passengers as his natural enemies - as creatures whose chief purposeon the bus is to cheat him, and who can only be kept reasonably honest by aloud voice and an aggressive manner. But this type is rare - rarer than it usedto be. I fancy the public owes much to the Underground Railway Company,which also runs the buses, for insisting on a certain standard of civility in itsservants and taking care that that standard is observed. In doing this it not onymakes things pleasant for the travelling public, but performs an important socialservice.

It is not, therefore, with any feeling of unfriendliness to conductors as aclass that I pay a tribute to a particular member of that class. I first becameconscious of his existence one day when I jumped on to a bus and found thatI had left home without any money in my pocket. Everyone has had the expe-rience and knows the feeling, the mixed feeling, which the discovery arouses.You are annoyed because you look like a fool at the best and like a knave at theworst. You would not be at all surprised if the conductor eyed you coldly asmuch as to say, ‘Yes I know that stale old trick. Now then, off you get.’ Andeven if the conductor is a good fellow and lets you down easily, you are facedwith the necessity of going back and the invonvenience, perhaps, of missingyour train or your engagement.

Having searched my pockets in vain for stray coppers, and having found Iwas utterly penniless, I told the conductor with as honest a face as I couldassume that I couldn't pay the fare, and must go back for money. ‘Oh, youneedn't get off: that's all right’, said he. ‘All right’, said I, ‘but I haven't a copperon me.’ ‘Oh I'll book you through, he replied. ‘Where d'ye want to go ?’ and

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he handled his bundle of tickets with the air of a man who was prepared to giveme a ticket for anywhere from the Bank to Hong Kong. I said it was very kindof him, and told him where I wanted to go, and as he gave me the ticket I said,‘But where shall I send the fare?’ ‘Oh, you'll see me some day all right’, he saidcheerfully, as he turned to go. And then, luckily, my fingers, still wandering inthe corners of my pockets lighted on a shilling and the account was squared. Butthat fact did not lessen the glow of pleasure which so good-natured an actionhad given me.

A few days after, my most sensitive toe was trampled on rather heavily asI sat reading on the top of a bus. I looked up with some anger and more agony,and saw my friend of the cheerful countenance. ‘Sorry, sir’, he said. ‘I knowthese are heavy boots. Got'em because my own feet get trod on so much, andnow I'm treading on other people's. Hope I din't hurt you, sir,’ He had hurt mebut he was so nice about it that I assured him he hadn't. After this I began toobserve him whenever I boarded his bus, and found a curious pleasure in theconstant good nature of his bearing. He seemed to have an inexhaustible fundof patience and a gift for making his passengers comfortable. I noticed that ifit was raining he would run up the stairs to give some one the tip that there was‘room inside’. With old people he was as considerate as a son, and with childrenas solicitous as a father. He had evidently a peculiarly warm place in his heartfor young people, and always indulged in some merry jest with them. If he hada blind man on board it was'nt enough to set him down safely on the pavement.He would call to Bill in front to wait while he took him across the road or roundthe corner, or otherwise safely on his way. In short, I found that he irradiatedsuch an atmosphere of good temper and kindliness that a journey with him wasa lesson in natural courtesy and good manners.

What struck me particularly was the ease with which he got through hiswork. If bad manners are infectious, so also are good manners. If we encounterincivility most of us are apt to become uncivil, but it is an unusually uncouthperson who can be disagreeable with sunny people. It is with manners as withthe weather. ‘Nothing clears up my spirits like a fine day’, said Keats, and acheerful person descends on even the gloomiest of us with something of the

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benediction of a fine day. And so it was always fine weather on the politeconductor's bus, and his own civility, his conciliatory address and good hu-moured bearing infected his passengers. In lightening their spirits he lightenedhis own task. His gaiety was not a wasteful luxury, but a sound investment.

I have missed him from my bus route of late; but I hope that only meansthat he has carried his sunshine on to another road. It cannot be too widelydiffused in a rather drab world. And I make no apologies for writing a panegyricon an unknown bus conductor. If wordsworth could gather lessons of wisdomfrom the poor leechgatherer ‘on the lonely moor,’ I see no reason why lesserpeople should not take lessons in conduct from one who shows how a verymodest calling may be dignified by good temper and kindly feeling.

It is a matter of general agreement that the war has had a chilling effectupon those little every day civilities of behaviour that sweeten the general air.We must get those civilities back if we are to make life kindly and tolerable foreach other. We cannot get them back by invoking the law. The policeman is anecessary symbol and the law is a necessary institution for a society that is stillsomewhat lower than the angels.But the law can only protect us against materialattack. Nor will the lift man's way of meeting moral affront by physical violencehelp us to restore the civilities. I suggest to him, that he would have had a moresubtle and effective revenge if he had treated the gentleman who would not say'Please' with elaborate politeness. He would have had the victory, not only overthe boor, but over himself, and that is the victory that counts. The polite manmay lose the material advantage, but he always has the spiritual victory. I com-mend to the lift-man a story of Chesterfield. In his time the London streets werewithout the pavements of today and the man who 'took the wall' had the driestfooting. ‘I never give the wall to a scoundrel,’ said a man who met Chesterfieldone day in the street. ‘I always do’, said Chesterfield, stepping with a bow intothe road. I hope the lift man will agree that his revenge was much more sweetthan if he had flung the fellow into the mud.

- A.G. Gardiner

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Glossary

undoubtedly /Vn'daUtIdli/ known for certain to be so

discourtesy /dIs'k3:tJsi/ not polite

assault and /J'sO:lt Jnd 'b&tri/ an attack which includes not onlybattery threats but the actual use of violence

burglar /'b3;glJ(r)/ thief who breaks into houses shopsetc with the intention of stealing

retaliate /rI't&lieIt/ to do something bad to someonewho has done something bad to you

assailant /J'seIlJnt/ an attacker

legislate /'ledZIsleIt/ to make a law or laws

violence /'vaIJlJns/ action or feeling that causesdamage, unrest etc

to box /tJ bQks/ to fight with the fists (closed hands)

haughty /'hO:ti/ a high opinion of oneself and oftena low position of others

laceration /%l&sJ'reISn/ hurt feelings

slur /sl3:(r)/ a cause of blame

brooding over /'bru:dIN 'JUvJ(r)/ spend time thinking anxiously orsadly about something

equilibrium /%i:kwI'lIbriJm/ balance of the mind, emotions

insolent /'InsJlJnt/ very rude

martyrdom /'mA:tJdJm/ the death or suffering of a martyr

morose /mJ'rJUs/ very sad and ill tempered

Decalogue /'dekJlOg/ the Ten Commandments

intercourse /'IntJkO:s/ dealings with

resentment /rI'zentmJnt/ anger

ordeal /O:'di:l/ difficult or painful experience

cheerfully /'tSIJfli/ happily

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squared /skweJd/ having no doubt, settled

inexhaulstible /%InIg'zO;stJbl/ can never be finished

solicitious /sJ'lIsItJs/ giving helpful care

uncouth /Vn'ku;T/ not having good manners

benediction /%benI'dIkSn/ a blessing

conciliatory /kJn'sIliJtJri/ trying to win friendly feelings

panegyric /%p&nJ'dZIrIk/ a speech or piece of writing praisingsomeone highly

boor /bUJ(r)/ a rude insensitive person

Exercises

Vocabulary

A. Consult a dictionary and find out the subtle distinction in the followingwords.

rob, steal, burgle, thieve

B. Find out the words with prefix 'un' and 'in' in the lesson.

C. Write some adjectives which can be used for a person not having good man-ners and for a person having good manners.

D. Mark the stress in the following words.

policeman, gentleman, lift-man, house-maid, henpecked, breakfast, specimen,everyone, alright, good humoured

Comprehension

A. Answer each of the following questions in about 25 words.

1. Distinguish between a legal and moral offence.

2. Give some examples of bad behaviour that are not punishable under law.

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3. Discuss the importance and effect of good manners.

4. Discuss the impact of good temper and kindliness on the society in thelight of the two good-mannered conductors.

5. What is natural courtesy ? How does it affect the society?

6. How could the liftman take a polite and effective revenge ?

B. Answer each of the following questions in about 50 words.

1. Suggest some ways to encourage people to adopt good moral behaviour.

2. How does the stream of general life get polluted by one's behaviour ?

3. Discuss the necessity of the police and law in the society.

4. What are the ill effects of war on our everyday civilities ?

Grammar

A. Study these sentences.

• We must admit that the law is reasonable.

• The law does not compel me to say that I shall not wax my moustache ordye my hair or wear ringlets down my back.

The underlined clauses do the work of nouns in relation to someother clauses.

Now, point out the Noun Clauses in each of the following sentences.

1. Duty requires that we should help the Wretched.

2. We do not know whether they enjoyed their work

3. That a man is virtuous is commendable.

4. The rumour that he is ill is baseless.

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5. You must never forget this, that honesty is the best policy.

6. The report that the chief had broken into the house has not reached me.

7. Listen to what the teacher says.

B. Study these sentences

• The young lift-man in a city office who threw a passenger out of his lift andwas fined for the offence was undoubtedly in the wrong.

• There are few classes of men who came through the ordeal of a very tryingcalling better than bus cunductors do.

The underlined clauses do the work of an adjective in relation to someword in some other clause. Relative clauses are intoduced by relativepronouns or relative adverbs.

Now, point out the Relative Clauses in the following sentences.

1. He who hesitates is lost.

2. He laughs best who laughs last.

3. The speech he made last night was not his best.

4. The man who appeared to be gentleman was charged with distutbing thepeace.

5. There are times when everyone feels the vanity of human wishes.

6. The man that hath no music in his soul is fit for treason.

7. He who increases his riches increases his cares.

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Speaking Activity

A. Imagine you are a user of a lift. Recently you were behaved rudely by thefift-man. You want to lodge a telephonic complaint against him.

Now, ask your friend to be the caretaker of the lift. Begin your conversationlike this.

User : Hello, May I speak to, Mr. Kapoor the caretaker ?

Mr. Kapoor Yes please.

User : I am .... (name), a user of the lift of your office.

Mr. Kapoor What can I do for you sir ?

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Writing Activity

A. Write to your mother about the courteous behaviour of a bus conductor. Youhave come across recently.

(50 words)

B. Prepare a speech to be delivered in the morning assembly on 'Good mannersare Infectious’’

(150 words)

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Think it over

A. Everyday civilities of behaviour have a great importance in life, Bitter prob-lems can be solved by sweet words. Great wars could have been avoided by alittle courtesy. Sweet words spoken at the right time sweeten our life. So, whyto miss an opportunity to get a lot of happiness at no cost ?

B. Observance of etiquettes at a normal situation is important but more impor-tant is their observance when situation is adverse. Isn't it ?

Things to do

Cultivate the habit of saying ‘please’, ‘thank you’ ‘sorry’ etc. Mark its effecton the people and make its entry in your diary.