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magazineOBSCUREOBSCURE SPORTSSPORTSSEPT/OCT 2010

MUSATURNS 10

FLUGTAG - FLY, FALL & SINK BEER DARTS VIRGINWHIP IT : MOVIE REVIEW AND A TONTERRITORY

MORE INSIDE!

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www.obscuresportsmag.comSEPT/OCT 2010[ Contents ][ Cover Story ] The Evolution of Immaturity: MUSA Turns 10

[ Quick Hits ] p.6 - Upon Further Review Our favorite obscure sports clips

p.7 - Do’s & Don’ts What every sports-loving fashionista needs to know

p.25 - Photo Tag Think you’re witty? Win an OSM tee!

p.31 - 1/2 PageRadball

[ Columns ]p.4 - By The GlassSeasons Change

p.14 - Virgin TerritoryBeer Darts

p.33 - Final Word“My Daddy”

Review: Whip It recently was re-released on DVD. Yeah, Michael Votto is wondering why?

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A subcultural staple of the Midwest is celebrating their tenth anniversary and Obscure Sports Magazine writer Jodi Neitzel meets with founder Joe Szatmary to hear his thoughts on the past, present, and future of Midwestern Unconventional Sports Association.

Flugtag: Fly, Fall & Sink Jess Kubis sees what Minnesota has to offer Red Bull - perhaps a world record flight?

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by the glass

Daniel B. GlassCreative DirectorObscure Sports Magazine

Fall is a time for change or transition. If you’re lucky enough to live where the leaves turn colors, you’re able to walk out the door and see bright reds and golds fill the once green trees. The leaves are the obvious reminders of the season, but there are other signs. The air gets cooler and the waves get bigger. Wildlife begins to prepare for the winter and hunters prepare for their sport. Major League Baseball

steps aside while the NFL, NHL and NBA become the center of attention.

I guess you could say transition is happening for OBSCURE SPORTS MAGAZINE, too. Don’t worry - we aren’t flying South or hibernating for the winter. We’re re-defining our outlook and transitioning into something that is more interactive with more daily content for our readers.

You will be able to count on us for your daily fix of all things Obscure Sports. We are still going to have our magazine layout that you have come to know and love, and each month you will be able to page through the obscure world of sports one by one, but that also means more blog posts, more tweets and more updates on Facebook.

Like the leaves in the fall, this transition isn’t going to happen all at once. Expect gradual changes throughout the month of October, along with a website makeover. OBSCURE SPORTS MAGAZINE is very excited for the new things ahead and hopes that you will join us in any capacity.

We are always looking for more contributors with great ideas. If you or someone you know likes to write or research, please contact us. We want to grow our team before the snow starts to fall. Use the links on our Contributors page to check out all of the other Internet playing fields we will use daily so you don’t miss out on the changes ahead. We like our friends and want to become even better acquainted.

MANBUNTER - noun Male player that bunts during a kickball game. While in some leagues this is considered strategy and acceptable, in others it’s deemed shameful and looked down upon. see also (M’unter)

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Andy ButeynDrawing Guy“Sharpies”andy@obscuresportsmag.com

Daniel B. GlassCreative Director “Glue and lots of it” dan@obscuresportsmag.com

Jodi NeitzelMarketing/Contributor “That’s an easy one - Trapper Keeper for sure” jodi@obscuresportsmag.com

Andrea SpiegelbergContributor “New clothes” andrea@obscuresportsmag.com

Kristine SzatmaryEditor/Contributor “Protractor & new notebooks” kris@obscuresportsmag.com

Jami TopolovichPhotographer/Contributor “A fresh box of crayons, the big box with the sharpener” jami@obscuresportsmag.com

Michael VottoContributor “Magnum Sharpie and a paper bag” mvotto@obscuresportsmag.com

Jake WallendalContributor“I never went to school”

Contact Us... Obscure Sports Magazine

4918 West Vliet St Milwaukee, WI 53208

414-454-0447 info@obscuresportsmag.com

check out our BLOG

Contributor Question of the Month: What was your favorite back-to-school supply?

Follow us on your favorite social networking site...

CONTRIBUTORSJess KubisContributor“Mechanical pencils”rubixkube17@gmail.com

ADDITIONAL PHOTOGRAPHY CREDITS: Michael S . Glass

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1. M & M’S BIKE POLO COMMERCIAL 1982Not quite what we are used to seeing nowadays on the court or in the grass, but you got to hand it to Mars, Incorporated for bringing some obscure sports to the surface in the 80’s.

Got a funny clip? We want to see it! Send us the link at - ufr@obscuresportsmag.com

Upon F

Urther

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2. GLOUCESTERSHIRE CHEESE ROLLINGNothing says obscure sport like chasing a wheel of cheese down a super steep hill. Not sure how you win or if anyone actually does. All I know is that watching people roll, fall and flail about is reason enough to post.

3. wORLD RECORD fLIGHT fLUGTAG Here is the World Record flight at the Red Bull Flugtag event in Minneapolis this year. Most of these “machines” just fall straight off the pier, but some geniuses thought to build one that looks like an airplane. Weird.

4. BALL BALL, THE GREATEST SPORT EvER We fell for this trick one other time and were severly disappointed. Not sure I would call this the greatest sport ever, because I am not sure it’s even a sport., but holy crap it made us laugh. What a bunch of morons.

5. ROLLER DERBY wORKOUT Hmmmm... this has a wonderful cheesy 80’s commercial vibe to it. Similiar to those Wham-O commercials we grew up with, only this one has a lot more skin. Bravo for coming up with this idea. Roller Girls rejoice!

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No wrong answers here... just doing our part to help the helpless figure it out.

Do’s & Don’ts

Send us your pictures to dodont@obscuresportsmag.com and win a t-shirt if we use it.

WiN A

T-ShirTDeTAilS BeloW

Yeah, the beer is over there toots. Exactly what you need, another drink. Look, I get it, going to your co-worker’s after-bar party just because you’re on the company kickball team is always a good idea. Team building is a recipe for success. However, when you raid Julie from accounting’s dresser drawers, well, my guess is that there will be no ‘U’ in team.

I do have to say, way to pick something classy though. Better than the leopard print matching bra and panties. Nothing says trash like animal print.

Oh, and I see you got the breath spray. Very handy in your pocket. You must have heard the rumors around the office that you are the dude with the stank breath.

Fresh breath and no back hair will get you one step closer to that promotion from team lush to team lover. Don’t forget to take your sock home - the one behind you on the stair - not the one in your pants.

Don’t worry, what’s the worst that can happen if I take this picture? It’s not like this picture is going to be in a magazine, uploaded to the internet and made fun of for thousands of people to see. It’s all good!

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Once upon a t ime adult recreat ional team sports were l imited to act ion-packed games often f i rst introduced to sk i l l fu l part ic ipants at the c lub, h igh school or col leg iate level . Softbal l , vol leybal l , and soccer leagues were popular and plent i fu l around the country.

A resurgence of interest in chi ldhood games and v intage sports has created new opportunit ies for a growing community of athletes , extroverts , wal l f lowers , and af ic ionados. The var iety of both co-ed and s ingle-sex adult recreat ional sports has exploded over the years and leagues now offer year-round opportunit ies to p lay k ickbal l , dodgebal l , wi ff le bal l and more. Tournaments for games l ike cornhole, beer pong , f l ip cup, and roshambo are organized, wel l -attended and often inc lude pr ize money. As both o ld and new leagues develop di fferent ways to cont inue the evolut ion of adult recreat ional sports , i t ’s apparent that i t takes some strategy and commitment for a league to mainta in i ts popular i ty.

The Midwestern Unconvent ional Sports Associat ion (MUSA) celebrates i ts 10 year anniversary th is fa l l and i ts longevity makes me wonder, what have been the contr ibut ing factors to i ts success? MUSA offers opportunit ies for adults to p lay k ickbal l , dodgebal l , putt-putt gol f, basketbal l , vol leybal l and soccer. Several months ago I p layed my f i rst adult k ickbal l game ever on a MUSA team. The Virg in Terr i tory ( l ink to Ju ly i ssue art ic le) exper ience made me reevaluate my percept ion of the league and real ize there was more to i t than just p lay ing a game.

To get a behind-the-scenes understanding of the league I asked founder, Joe Szatmary (aka “Da Commish”) , about MUSA’s evolut ion from an idea to a thr iv ing associat ion s ince 2000.

The Evolut ion of Immaturity: MUSA Turns 10 by Jodi Neitzel

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OSM : I s i t mind-boggl ing to you that MUSA and k ickbal l have surv ived ten years?

JS : I have mixed thoughts on th is . Yes , the fact that we have been around 10 years and grown to the s ize we have is a b i t nuts . However, when you look at the s impl ic i ty and fun of the game, i t doesn’t seem so shocking. K ickbal l has a lways been a great game and I don’t see that going away. As long as we keep doing a good job running the league and tourneys with a few fresh twists added here and there, I th ink fo lks wi l l cont inue to want to have fun with us .

OSM : Wi l l MUSA last another ten years? How, and why or why not?

JS : I t real ly depends. I f fo lks keep having fun with i t and we’re able to accompl ish some of our goals to develop league opportunit ies for a l l sk i l l levels , I th ink there is st i l l a lot of room to run with th is . The MUSA mindset welcomes a broad range of p layers and we try to keep i t interest ing for a l l . We have teams that mix wel l together compet it ively and soc ia l ly, and many indiv iduals that want to p lay more than once a week. There’s no reason for the fun to end yet .

OSM : Do you th ink k ickbal l i s the pr imary reason the league has become so popular or have the other sports contr ibuted to the league’s growth as wel l?

JS : The pr imary reason we’re st i l l around is because there are fun people who have wanted to see us thr ive as a league – a good mix of p layers and f ie ld monitors . Dodgebal l i sn’t the most user-fr iendly sport , a l though i t t ru ly i s spectacular. I th ink what we offer with league play and tourneys, as wel l as other events , rounds th ings out a b i t but k ickbal l seems to be our bread and butter.

OSM : What was the best advice you received when you tossed around the idea of start ing a k ickbal l league?

JS : I t wasn’t advice real ly, but more of a rhetor ica l quest ion. “So, you are going to go ahead and do th is , r ight? ” So I d id. After the league was created, the advice to have a spr ing season and not wait a fu l l year after the fa l l season was pretty great too.

OSM : What was the b iggest roadblock to gett ing the league started? To expand i t?

JS : At the t ime, k ickbal l wasn’t real ly on the radar so there was a st igma associated with p lay ing – a sense that i t was somehow athlet ica l ly infer ior. That was a l l wel l

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and good though because we had a sol id group that s igned up just to have a good t ime, p lay some k ickbal l and party hard afterwards. Gett ing that in i t ia l 100 people was a b i t tough, as was gett ing a parks and recreat ion coordinator to grasp that fact that adults wanted to use a softbal l f ie ld for something other than softbal l . Expansion real ly has been a funct ion of f inding the r ight people who want to run with the idea in their own market . We have been pretty hands off with our aff i l iated leagues, but do offer support with the website, insurance and inc lus ion in our Golden Lunchbox tournament at the end of the spr ing and fa l l seasons. In the end though, i f you don’t have someone to do the leg work in new markets , you can’t expand. Per iod.

OSM : Do you th ink there are enough k ickbal l v i rg ins st i l l out there and what ’s the best bait to get them on the f ie ld?

JS : Yeah, I th ink so. I t ’s real ly just gett ing the word out , and better yet having ‘em lace up a pair of shoes and start p lay ing.

OSM : I f you could inv i te 2-3 k ickbal l ce lebr i t ies and/or founders of k ickbal l leagues to d inner, who would you pick and why?

JS : Wel l , I would l ike to meet most other independent league founders and explore

how we can make k ickbal l more centra l ized. I ’m not ta lk ing a l l leagues necessar i ly under one roof, just something where there is an agreement or an attempt to promote the idea of mult i - league part ic ipat ion in every league’s major tournaments. I would l ike to get more involved with the leaders at K ickbal l365.com too, but there are a lot of d i fferences in p lay, such as s ize of the k ickbal l . A lso, manbunt ing was and general ly i s a huge taboo for us , but some leagues openly d iscuss and g ive props to guys who are good bunters . In the end I th ink a system where teams travel to c i t ies and play the ru les of the host league provides proof that a team is so l id no matter the c i rcumstances. That would be some great k ickbal l to p lay and to watch.

OSM : What ideas are you scheming up for the fa l l season?

JS : A website redesign, new bal l and dropping down a p layer defens ively. We’re a lso try ing to come up with a fun tourney format for teams that don’t make the Golden Lunchbox tourney.

OSM : Most people don’t keep the same jobs or homes ten years any more but there are people who have been play ing s ince 2000. You’ve managed to mainta in accountabi l i ty for the league and employ other people to administer i t . How were you able to start a fami ly, switch jobs, t ra in for the I ronman twice and keep k ickbal l in your l i fe , as wel l as the l ives of others dur ing th is t ime per iod?

JS : I t ry to appreciate the fact that there are opportunit ies to do th ings in th is wor ld. Not tak ing some r isks or putt ing no effort into l i fe i sn’t an opt ion for me. Admittedly, I have been stretched a b i t th in some of the past 4-5 years and appreciate the efforts of those who have helped keep the league humming. Over the years , I ’ve counted on people who’ve wanted to put in the t ime and see MUSA cont inue to grow.

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I ’m a lways interested in ta lk ing to people who want to take an idea and run with i t to improve the league.

OSM : What obscure sport would you be wi l l ing to try for an OSM Virg in Terr i tory art ic le? Or what sport would you l ike to see covered?

JS : Hook me up with some sponsors , someone who knows how to or ienteer and some other crazy bastards and I would love to do an Eco-Chal lenge adventure race. Or some ultra-running events . Give me a ca l l i f you need someone to try a sport with some running or b ik ing.

OSM : How has k ickbal l changed your pace of l i fe and what you do for fun?

JS : Four k ids have changed my pace of l i fe and how I enjoy k ickbal l . I t ’s not so much about party ing for me now as i t i s t ry ing to help promote and provide a fun league for the people that p lay in i t . Bes ides

being a b ig k id with my own fami ly, I enjoy endurance athlet ics and coming up with other goofy ideas to get people together - be i t k ickbal l re lated or otherwise. I l ike to p lay k ickbal l on one fun and one compet it ive team every season. I ’d love to try indoor k ickbal l one of these winters .

OSM: What do you th ink i t i s about MUSA and the game of k ickbal l that keeps people coming back to p lay and be part of the organizat ion?

JS : Hopeful ly, that we provide great va lue and a fun, h igh-qual i ty exper ience.

OSM : Thanks, Joe. I t ’s obvious the past 10 years have created a lot of memories and i t sounds l ike there are st i l l many more to be had. Congrats and good luck.

I t ’s t rue that the success of the league is dependent on cont inued interest and new blood. However, i t wouldn’t be what i t i s without a few key p layers . I asked two of

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the MUSA or ig inals to te l l me about their exper iences over the years .

Mark Nelson, aka Nel ly, jo ined MUSA in 2000 after hear ing about i t on campus. Pr ior to k ickbal l he was involved with local softbal l leagues and soc ia l organizat ions but says he’s become more involved with k ickbal l than any of the others . He contr ibutes h is dedicat ion to the casual atmosphere and the opportunity to meet new fr iends and stay act ive. “K ickbal l i sn’t the most gruel ing th ing , but i t ’s n ice to get outs ide and hang out with fr iends and play a sport most of us grew up with,” sa id Nel ly.

When asked i f surpr ised that MUSA is ce lebrat ing ten years , he sa id he’s most amazed by the res i l ience so many players and teams have had. “ There are many teams c los ing in on 20 seasons in the league. I t ’s pretty remarkable to look at p ictures of a l l of us f rom, say 2002, you can see a not iceable age d i fference,” he expla ined, “ That i s something you don’t real ly not ice year after year. I t ’s a lso pretty remarkable to see how i t a l l has evolved in terms of p lay ing sty le and sk i l l level . The sk i l led teams now are much better than the sk i l led teams 7+ years ago.”

Ray Roberts , more commonly known in the k ickbal l wor ld as Mundoman or Ray Ray, found MUSA in fa l l 2001 when a f r iend heard a commercia l on a local rock stat ion and ca l led h im. Ray states that k ickbal l has s ince become his l i fe and c i tes h is involvement as a cata lyst to many great f r iendships. “ This league has become my socia l out let . I have met so many great people; some don’t even play,” he sa id, “Of the 25 greatest people ever in my l i fe , 50 percent of them I have met in th is league and I am proud to ca l l them fr iends.”

Whi le the main compet it ion is to be league champions and earn the h ighly coveted “Golden Lunchbox,” there is a lso the unoff ic ia l chal lenge of coming up with the best team name. Of the over 1500 team names, Nel ly i s a fan of “Kicktospor id ium” and “Doo Doo Chop.” Ray l i sted The S i tuRayt ion, Ray ’s Anatomy and Ray-Ray ’s Angels among his favor i tes .

Over the past ten years , MUSA has evolved into a thr iv ing organizat ion and soc ia l l i fe l ine for many. The fact that more than 1700 teams have taken the f ie ld over 16,000 t imes s ince MUSA’s incept ion is

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pretty sol id ev idence that the organizat ion provides an environment and soc ia l out let many have come to re ly on. As new recreat ional sports h i t the mainstream and v ie for a spot in the hearts of obscure sport enthusiasts and weekend warr iors , the next ten years depend on the cont inued loyalty of the current members and the recruitment of new ta lent .

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Territory

by Andrea Spiegelberg Photographs by Rachel Nie lson & Andrea Spiegelberg

A few months ago, I wrote an art ic le in the May issue of Obscure Sports Magazine about unusual ta i lgate games and there was one I just HAD to try – Beer Darts . I t seemed to be the perfect combinat ion of danger and fr iendly, one-on-one compet it ion, and you even get to s i t down whi le p lay ing! Or, perhaps i t was th is awesome instruct ional

THERE WILL BE BLOOD

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video. So informat ive! So enterta in ing. Regardless of the reason, I made a vow to mysel f that I was going to p lay th is game before summer ’s end.

A Ju ly camping tr ip with 15 or so of my c losest f r iends seemed l ike the perfect opportunity to test i t out . An encouraging , informat ive emai l was sent to our camping compatr iots lett ing them know that we were going to try out a new game, but not to worry, we had a l l the equipment. Whi le th is i s a group of fo lks that love to p lay games, the prospect of beer darts was met with a b i t of t repidat ion. However, my f iancé, Kevin, was support ive of my beer dart dream and having v iewed the v ideo himsel f, was game. He even made a tr ip to Wal-Mart to p ick up the needed beer dart mater ia ls ; 2 rubber f loor mats and a pack of steel - t ip dart (we obvious ly own camping chairs) . After packing up the car for our tr ip , we real ized that we had forgotten the cardboard used as shie lds , but s ince the v ideo sa id i t wasn’t mandatory. . . .

Off we go!

The f i rst to arr ive at our campsite, Kevin and I quick ly p icked the best p lace to p i tch our tent , d ipped ourselves in DEET and we were ready for some beer dart act ion. As our f r iends tr ick led in , two by two, we f igured th is was the perfect t ime to begin our beer dart adventure. So, we set up 2 camping chairs , roughly 10 feet apart , put a rubber f loor mat in f ront of each one, grabbed 2 cans of the cheapest swi l l we had and one of the darts and were ready to pop our beer dart cherr ies .

The f i rst few rounds were uneventful , with neither Kevin nor I h i tt ing the can or even the f loor mat. This i s when we discovered the f i rst drawback to beer darts – d irt . Because, you see, i f you aren’t h i tt ing the can or the f loor mat, the dart lands in the d irt . Thus we arr ived at revelat ion #1- a cup of water a la beer pong to r inse the d irty dart . The d irt became a part icular problem once Kevin made his f i rst h i t – completely punctur ing the bottom of the can, forc ing me to down the ent i re beer in one s i tt ing. Yes , on my f i rst attempt at beer darts , I had

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photos by Kr is Szatmary

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to s lam an ent i re can of beer (something I hadn’t done s ince col lege. ) Dirt gr i tt ing in my teeth, I vowed revenge. After a few more rounds with snarky banter being tossed back and forth - SUCCESS! I h i t Kevin’s can, forc ing h im to down hal f of h is beer. Never one to back down from a chal lenge, he quick ly reta l iated, h i tt ing my can 2 t imes. By now, I was gett ing a buzz . I ’m no l ightweight e i ther, I ’m from Wisconsin! I can hold my own against the best of them! However, some of our more adventurous fr iends had arr ived and were eager to p lay, so I graceful ly bowed out , lett ing our f r iend Dan take a turn against the re igning camping champ. Dan was a much more worthy opponent, making a much more act ion packed game. Which br ings us to revelat ion #2- i f you are good at darts , i t ’s a pretty safe bet that you’ l l be able to hold your own at beer darts .

Whi le Dan and Kevin cont inued to batt le for the beer dart crown, one of our more safety-consc ious f r iends arr ives , wi l l ing to p lay, but with a hefty cardboard box in tow. “Hey, aren’t you guys supposed

to use cardboard as a shie ld or something? ” he asked. We noted the thoughtfulness of th is gesture and cont inued to p lay. I p layed a round or two against Dan, even winning a game. I seemed to be improving and was eager to test out my sk i l l s against a new opponent or two, but a las , most of our f r iends were fearful of th is new, exc i t ing game and instead were content to enterta in themselves with

more sedate act iv i t ies , such as beer pong and star ing into the f i re . This largely l imited our p lay ing t ime, as beer darts with 3-4 people can quick ly lead to out of control drunkenness. So, we decided to take a break to eat , soc ia l ize and recruit .

After fort i fy ing ourselves with gr i l led meats , we decided to resume game play, despite the threat of darkness. Soon, we actual ly recruited two new players , Mike and Rachel . They ins isted on play ing against one another, as I dec ided to take photos and Dan and Kevin are known to cause shenanigans. Their game began uneventful ly, much l ike our ear l ier games; neither p layer h i tt ing the can, the f loor mat, etc… Then, DISASTER.

I turned my head away from the act ion for just a second, but quick ly turned back once I heard a lone, quiet … oh. Shit . I look at Rachel ’s stunned express ion and scanned down. Oh. MY GOD. The steel -t ipped dart was sunk a l l the way into her ca l f. Everyone sat in stunned s i lence, not

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knowing what to do. Then someone (most l ike ly Dan) says- “ Take a p icture!” Shaking off my in i t ia l shock at seeing a metal DART stuck in someone’s leg , I gather my sens ib i l i t ies , p ick up the camera and c l ick . An unforgettable moment, captured forever.

After a few more stunned seconds. . . .minutes? Someone wiser than me advises Rachel to remove the dart f rom her ca l f. Lucki ly, an Eagle Scout was on hand, complete with a fu l ly stocked F irst A id k i t . Fortunately the b lood wasn’t copious and Rachel was a trooper. Soon she was good as new and the only th ing left to worry about was a poss ib le infect ion and what her soon-to-arr ive husband was going to do to Mike once he found out that he impaled his wife.

Mike meanwhi le i s s i tt ing in h is camp chair, f rozen in horror. You see, whi le everyone knew that somehow, some way, SOMEONE was going to get in jured on th is adventure, most l ike ly f rom beer darts , no one thought the culpr i t would be the most ly sober, cardboard-br inging father of 3 . After ensur ing that Rachel was 1. Okay and 2. Not going to k i l l h im, M i k e

declared that he was NEVER going to p lay beer darts ever again and began tak ing a straw pol l on whether the soon-to-arr ive husband was going to k i l l or sue h im. (S ince they are cousins , neither happened.)

Later on that evening , and the next day, despite a l l odds, a few of us d id resume play ing beer darts , but not unt i l we created shie lds out of the aforementioned cardboard box and only in the dayl ight . Whi le st i l l enjoyable, th is method of beer

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Rachel ’s Take

1. Did you enjoy your beer dart exper ience?

Yes. Perhaps not as much as the spectators .

2. What d id you th ink of the game and how could i t be better?

I t i s worth remembering that i f the i tem has enough force to p ierce metal , a pair of pants i s def in i te ly not going to protect you.

3. Would you play again?

Doubtful , but only because i t would be hard to top that f i rst game. I ’m looking for new hobbies .

4 . Descr ibe your exper ience in 1-3 words?

Beginner ’s Luck

5. What was i t l ike gett ing h i t with a dart?

In retrospect , I understand how fool ish th is sounds, but most ly : surpr is ing. I hadn’t real ly expected a dart in my ca l f, no matter how obvious that r isk appears to be. (Ser ious ly. I thought i t would be Joel or Dan who impaled someone, not Michael . And you’ l l not ice I d idn’t p lay with Dan, no matter how “perfect ly drunk” he was. ) I might have been just as surpr ised as everyone that the dart was in my actual leg and not just my pant leg.

Mike’s Take

1. Did you enjoy your beer dart exper ience?

More so than my opponent

2. What d id you th ink of the game and how could i t be better?

Soccer shin guards

3. Would you play again?

I ’d have to f ind someone wi l l ing to p lay with me again f i rst .

4 . Descr ibe your exper ience in 1-3 words?

Impaled my opponent

5. What was i t l ike h i tt ing someone with a dart?

I ’d say i t detracted from my enjoyment of the game, but i t was a great learning exper ience I ’d l ike to share with others: F i rst off, i f you’re going to impale your opponent make sure that their s igni f icant other i sn’t a) a lawyer OR b) a former l ine-man - Neither of these panned out for me. Then, after the inc ident , make certa in that you are the f i rst person to te l l the l ineman lawyer that you impaled their s igni f icant other with a beer dart - because someone else could twist words and make i t sound bad. Last ly, you should apologize to your opponent.

darts was a lot more unwieldy and a lot less dangerous. Despite the tragic event that occurred, I ’d st i l l recommend g iv ing beer darts a whir l . I t wi l l def in i te ly be something memorable to enhance your camping , ta i lgat ing or yard party exper ience. Of course, I wasn’t maimed in any way. However, I ’d strongly suggest acquir ing some sort of sh in guard or at the very least , use.the.freaking.cardboard. And no matter what- Respect and fear the dart .

THE AFTERMATH

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Ever seen a station wagon fly? How about a coffin? A barn? A hamburger? On Saturday, July 24th, down on Harriet Island in St. Paul, Minnesota, 90,000 spectators watched as these and other homemade flying contraptions launched into the air as part of Red Bull’s annual Flugtag event. Out of over 100 applicants, thirty-seven teams were chosen to compete in this year’s Flugtag and thirty-five teams completed the mission. A majority of the teams hailed from Minnesota, but there were others from Michigan, Indiana, Illinois, and other nearby states. One of the competing teams was the North Star Roller Girls, an organization of which I am a part. So I headed out to join the masses and see dreams take flight. Or see them crash and sink into the mighty Mississippi.

At first I wasn’t really sure what to expect from Red Bull’s Flugtag. This event has never been held in Minnesota, and my experience was limited to seeing brief commercial snippets on TV over the years. I always thought it looked extremely goofy and wondered what these poor saps were thinking trusting their lives to flying machines that looked like they were made out of popsicle sticks, chewing gum, and flimsy fabric. However, as I strolled through the hangar area to get a look at all the entries prior to the event, I was astounded at the creativity and showmanship. It was obvious to me that several teams had put hours of effort and a lot of money into their designs. The North Star Roller Girls’ entry was a giant winged roller skate, and other entries included picture-perfect replicas of the St. Paul skyline, a World War II B-25 bomber, Snoopy’s dog house, the Jetsons’ flying saucer, and the Griswold’s station wagon from National Lampoon’s Family Vacation, to name a few.

Along with the actual flying machines, all of the teams

were dressed in costumes related to their themes. There was a team of purple-clad Princes standing next to their little red Corvette, while a team of zombies stood near their flying coffin. Gilligan, Mary Ann, Ginger, and the Skipper waved to the crowd as they passed the SS Minnow. The spectators mingled among the designs, taking pictures with the costumed teams and laying bets as to which entries might actually get some air and which would immediately plummet into the river. I must say I didn’t have a lot of faith in most of the entries getting very far, but there were a few I thought had a great chance and I was hoping the winged skate would claim the North Star Roller Girls a spot in Flugtag history.

As the teams began lining up near the ramp that led to the launch platform, a group of us claimed a spot with a great view of both the platform and one of the giant Jumbotrons which would provide close-up footage of each entry’s skit, flight, and post-flight interviews. Yes, that’s right - not only did each team have to construct a homemade flying machine, but the four pushers and the pilot also had to choreograph and perform a skit that corresponded to their theme atop the platform. I had planned to stay only until after NSRG’s launch, which was at position #17. But once it got underway, there was no pulling myself away. The spectacle was too great. And a spectacle it was.

The skits mostly involved dance routines to songs about flying or to songs that corresponded directly to the theme of the entry. There were also a few sports-themed performances with a Brett Favre impersonator throwing footballs in the Mississippi River. NSRG did a little something different and highlighted how important the role of pusher was to the Flugtag by dancing to Salt-N-Pepa’s “Push It.” My favorite skit involved the zombie team dancing

FLUGTAG - Fly, Fall & Sinkby Jess Kubis Photos by Wi jadi Jodi

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to Michael Jackson’s “Thriller,” a routine they practiced for over two months prior to the event. It was very well done and an awesome sight to see.

Also awesome to see? One flying machine after another being pushed off the launch platform and plummeting directly into the river, followed closely by the team members. I would say the vast majority of the entries did not make it more than 30 to 40 feet from the platform. A few of the designs broke before even making it off the platform. Apparently homemade contraptions shaped like coffins, hamburgers, penguins, Zambonis, Corvettes, dog houses, station wagons, narwhals, and penalty boxes just weren’t meant to fly.

The record for the longest Flugtag flight was set in Austria in 1991, the first year Red Bull held the Flugtag: 195 feet. As more and more entries launched and crashed, I began to believe that record would continue to stand. Then the replica of the World War II B-25 bomber sprung into action. The glider was built by Major Trouble and the Dirty Dixies, a team of aeronautical engineers from Inver Grove Heights, MN. It began its flight atop a metal tower that detached from the glider once it was pushed off the platform. The team hoped this would give the aircraft extra altitude and keep it from nose-diving straight into the water, a fate that several of the other entries had already succumbed to. The glider also had a lever system that raised the nose

and was flown by a licensed pilot, which combined to help them surpass the 195 foot buoy marking the long-standing world record and land 207 feet from the platform. Entry #10 had already set a new world record and there were still 15 entries to go!

I wish I could say that the North Star Roller Girls’ flying skate went on to top Major Trouble and the Dirty Dixies or even come close to the previous world record. But alas, the skate plummeted to the water, launching the pilot, Aurora Whorealis, into the air before she and it hit the water with great force. However, their spirits weren’t crushed; 90,000 people cheered them on as being one of the best crashes of the day and they were later featured on the cover of the St. Paul Pioneer Press, the Minneapolis Star-Tribune, and the evening news.

If I learned anything from this spectacle, it’s that Flugtag isn’t just about flying, competing to win first place, and breaking world records, (which Major Trouble and the Dirty Dixies would end up doing after all 35 entries took flight.) It’s also about entertainment, showmanship, and the best crashes – just like roller derby. Which is why the next time Red Bull’s Flugtag comes to town, you can bet there will be another entry piloted by North Star Roller Girls. And hopefully the next skate will fly even farther. I suppose it wouldn’t hurt to start drinking that Red Bull now, if it really does give you wings.

Join the North Star Roller Girls on Facebook.

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w I N A t-s h i r t

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Making Hol lywood f i lms is so easy. No ser ious ly, i t must be real s imple but the perceived outcomes vary. Take a fantast ic cast (an Oscar winner, two others with nominat ions) and put them into a zany underbel ly - boom, a l icense to pr int money and swal low praise. Not so much in the case of Whip I t because even g iven i ts pedigree, i ts Achi l les ’ heel i s that i t doesn’t real ly know what k ind of movie i t wants to be.

Whip I t , the debut d irector ia l work of Drew Barrymore, has gained some new v iewers in the last week as the former chi ld star ’s newest f i lm, rom-com Going The Distance , h i t the theaters and she h it the press c i rcuit . In recent weeks, reporters have been ask ing what her fo l low up project would be, as i f th is was l ike ask ing Mart in Scorsese how he would answer The Departed with Shutter Is land . I won’t be wait ing in ant ic ipat ion for her next work because her f i rst f i lm plays out as i f the p lot was r ipped from the pages of Barrymore’s teenage diary. Watching a g i r l rebel in modern c inema is nothing new and, honest ly, i t has been done wel l - E l len Page, star of Whip I t , d id i t expert ly within her Oscar-nominated turn in Juno - but Barrymore is so ld on the fact that her female protagonist i s r ighteous. Sure, but compared to other characters , she is a lso fantast ica l ly bor ing.

The story wants to be about a young g ir l ’s r i se to Aust in metropol i tan underground rol ler derby fame as “Babe Ruthless” (Page) , but i t i s , t ruthful ly, a c lass ic t rojan horse: i t ’s the story of a g i r l with mommy issues. Page’s mother ( the normal ly superb Marc ia Gay Harden) wants her to be the pageant queen, which is the f i lm’s f i rst leap of fa i th. E l len Page has as much char isma and beauty to wear a t iara as I do - and don’t say “that ’s the point ” because i f i t i s , that ’s just deus ex machina in the cruelest way. Anyway, Page decides that ’s not a quirky enough fate so she decides to try out for a local ro l ler derby squad, the Hur l Scouts . This i s where the f i lm could

Sigh and Yawn: Whip It Does No Justice to Roller Derby

FILM SCHOOL DROPOUTWRITTEN BYMICHAEL VOTTO

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have been redeemed - focus ing on the sport and an interest ing set of support ing p layers would have buoyed the f i lm unt i l i ts conclus ion. I t could have been a c lass ier and less s lapst ick vers ion of Baseketbal l , but instead, the sport i s s imply there for set p ieces whi le barely holding together scenes of fami l ia l conf l ict and a lack luster romance subplot .

I can sum up my feel ings towards Page’s character in two words: who cares. Unfortunately, conf l icts of abuse and neglect are tru ly the only ones that f ict ional ly work within a good movie. The mother-daughter r iva lry p lot of Whip I t boi ls down to a g i r l screaming in h istr ionics that she wants to skate instead of sashaying down a stage. Just say i t , and you’ l l have a rocky re lat ionship with your mother for a couple of months. Oh man, ca l l Herman Mankiewicz , we got a c lass ic on our hands! E l len Page is a versat i le actress , but she’s g iven such an unforgiv ing

and s leepy role by her equal ly unforg iv ing and s leepy d irector. Page f i l l s the running t ime with a dead-eyed teenage angst that would make the most Seatt le-y grunge band weep. And her romant ic re lat ionship with brooding music ian Ol iver (Landon Pigg) i s th in ly constructed, as i f Barrymore hit “a l ternat ive guitar ist ” on a dart board when f i l l ing out the character l i st .

The most f rustrat ing e lement of the f i lm is what could’ve been the most interest ing aspect - ro l ler derby. Whi le coverage of the sport i s l imited, I ’ve l ived in a c i ty with an act ive ro l ler derby fo l lowing , and I know the joys of the game. Just l ike The Monster Squad i s amazing despite i ts chi ld ish f laws, ro l ler derby is an excel lent watch even though the p layers are not necessar i ly “type A” athletes . But that ’s the beauty of the derby - anyone with enough tenacity and spir i t can show up, k ick ass , and enterta in a crowd. This s ide of the game is represented in such a schizophrenic fashion in Barrymore’s f i lm. The d irector occas ional ly gets the message across , as she does with the presence of mother and team leader Maggie Mayhem (Kr ist in Wi ig , in a less-than-memorable performance) , but other t imes, she seems content in just lett ing people p lay stereotypes. The support ing teammates are depicted as they probably were in the in i t ia l scr ipt t reatment: token black g i r l (Eve) , foreign badass (Zoe Bel l ) , and even Barrymore hersel f p lays the bra in-dead tough chick.

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Unsurpr is ingly, the only e lement of the f i lm that holds up is Babe Ruthless ’ c iv i l ian best f r iend Pash (Al ia Shawkat) . Most wi l l recognize Shawkat as Maeby from defunct show Arrested Development . Sometimes you forget that Page is suppose to be a young g ir l as she’s p lay ing against th irty-something women in most scenes, and Shawkat ’s Pash is the only reminder of that . The setups and dia logue between Shawkat and Page are the most real ist ic in the ent i re f i lm, mainly because Pash is so damn l ikable and sane.

This i sn’t a l l Drew Barrymore’s fault - the source mater ia l i s less-than- inspired and most of the actresses that f i l l the frame are phoning in mediocre performances. But Barrymore should have reached out and found a capable editor and provided her own spin to the p lot . Hel l , Stephen King hated Stanley Kubr ick’s The Shin ing because the d irector changed too much. There isn’t enough of a voice in Whip I t , and there wasn’t a steady hand guiding i t beyond just gett ing a lot of f i lm in the can (does the f i lm real ly need to be as long as i t was?) . I f th is i s what Drew Barrymore intended to produce, then she should just quit whi le she’s st i l l gett ing act ing g igs . The f i lm and i ts d irector seem to th ink that ro l ler derby is a means to an end for a l l involved, but real ly, the sport i s just a col lect ion of misf i ts beat ing the crap out of each other.

Don’t overanalyze everything , Hol lywood.

Facebook group of the month: Women’s Flat Track Derby Association

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Superpowers for a Putt Putt Golfer (without cheat ing too much)

1. X-Ray vis ion No more guess ing which hole your bal l wi l l come out of.

2. I l lus ion Create Imaginary windmi l ls for opponents to putt around.

3. T ime Manipulat ion An opponent who takes f reakin’ ever to l ine up their putt can real ly throw you off your mental game.

Joe Beno’s Top 3

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1/2 PAGE... by Michael Votto

I probably shouldn’t be calling out my editor in the first paragraph of my article, but here I go anyway: Really Dan, you want me to cover “Cycle Ball”? Okay, but I must insist that it not be referred to as that, but instead by its more true and fantastically badass also-known-as. And do you know what that is? Radball!

Holy good god - radball? The single most succint and truthful sports name of all time? Yes, ladies and gentlemen, I present to you the best thing to come out of Germany since the Instrument of Surrender: radball.

The objective of radball is, similar to most sports in the world, to score a goal with a ball. The only difference here is the ball is filled with horsehair and the only way to score is using the wheels of a fixed gear bicycle. Two teams of two attempt to put a small ball into a roughly six-foot tall goal on both sides of a small court using only three methods of scoring: the front wheel, the back wheel, and in rare instances, the head of a player. One player, who is assigned with defending the goal, is allowed to use hands to keep lobbed shots out, but is required to drop the ball back to the playing surface. Scoring the game differs from league to league, with some adopting a time game while others play until a maximum score is reached.

If you think those rules sound more difficult than other sports, you are correct. Watching teams play radball is the only way to appreciate the athleticism and control needed for the game. Look for “radball” or “cycle ball” on YouTube to get a better glimpse of the artistry in this sport.

Surprisingly, this is not the result of recent drunken spells between the Germans and their bicycles - the sport has been around since the late 1800’s. There are over 500 cycle ball clubs and leagues around the world, most concentrated in Europe but colleges in the United States have begun to establish radball teams.

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women Seeking Men

Let’s go hiking, swimming, fishing, running, sailing, canoeing, camping, mountain climbing, bungee jumping, skydiving, spelunking, deep-sea diving, and so on until you’re so completely exhausted that you don’t care how ugly I am. #83445 You buying me dinner and a movie doesn’t mean that I’ll sleep with you. I probably will though. #69696969

Heading to Vegas soon. Heard there was a kickball tournament or something. I am looking for a champion. Enough of these losers. Time to upgrade to a new size ball. #325486

Men Seeking women

Have Viagra. Need woman. #21130

Romance is dead. So are my parents. I have recently become very wealthy and would love to show you a night on the town. #85903

Old-fashioned romantic wants to show you a lovely evening. I’ll pull out your chair, hold the door open for you, and send you dozens of roses. I’ll give you a polite kiss

on the cheek and thank you for a wonderful evening. Our eyes will meet and I’ll know from the way you look at me, that soon enough you’ll let me do you in the butt. #93029

women Seeking women

I need someone to abduct and perform experiments on. This may include but not limited to brain and bodily probing, drilling, extraction, excretion and etc. Once you have read this you may submit. Thank you for your time. #78402

Men Seeking Men

Yo ho ho! I want to dress up like pirates and have you ride my mast as I plunder your booty. Talk dirty to me in a sexy pirate way. Arrrrgh! You’ve raised my sail! #24523 My ideal woman is a man. Sorry, Mom. #254631

missed Connections

I saw you at the bar after kickball last Friday and I think you’re really hot! You might remember me. The last time I was there I was wearing a hot pink dress that was way too short for my perky

ass. The bouncer kept trying to cover me up with the t-shirts they were giving away. I’m sorry my friend got a little too wild on the pole that night too. #73902

Susan, saw you at SPiN. I was the one wearing a blue sweatsedo jacket. I know you saw me. Everyone sees me. Call me! Just get a hold of SPiN and they’ll get you my private line! I got something more exciting than ping pong. #53208

Classified

Get out of my dreams and into my 1983 Honda Civic. $75 or best offer. #95782

FREE- 1 Beer Dart Set - includes floor mats and 2 metal tip darts. Slightly used. Take it off my hands, please! #75930

Looking for someone witty and creative to join contributors team of monthly magazine. Must be dependable, interested, and eager to share ideas. Write a brief description of your interest in this magazine and include any special skills or relevant experience. Answer this month’s contributor question in your last sentence. Send to: dan@obscuresportsmag.com

Looking for that special someone or want to leave us a message?

EMAIL US

email us with your ad idea: personals@obscuresportsmag.com

PERSONALS

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FINAL WORD

Once upon a time there was a man named Joe Szatmary. And he was on the news the night I was born because he

started a kickball league called MUSA kickball . And he started it because everybody thought only kids could play kickball but he started it for grown ups so they could have fun too. And he designed a cool ball with a face on it and everybody had fun. And then they had friends on their team and everybody else got to do what they wanted and have fun. I play kickball in my backyard. I play kickball at school some times. The End.

by Ava Szatmary dbMy Daddy!

Coming Up Next Month: balls are his business: this job isn’t for everyone

across the pond: it seems the us isn’t the only obscure country

reviews - jam: tales from the world of roller derby graphic noveland so much more...

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