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P . O . B o x 2 2 L L 3 OOFTEN /d ERROR NEVER IN DOIJBT, E. cA 94L22

November, 1990 Happy Thanlrsgiving! !

I,OOsE IJTPS SYNC SETPS ! UIIJIJI VANUJLI TAKES THE BIG FAIJII

BL,AI{E IT ON THE WflAT??? As smug rock critics and anti-pop diletanti gloatover the downfal l of Mi1l i VaniI l i , a col lusive web of entertainmentl icensing congloms are having the last 1augh. Thatts r ight, the crucif ixionof the Dreadlocked Duo is another example of the escalating music industryshakedown. While Rob & Fab try to tell the true story, a German-Americancartel eagerly disseminates disinformation - irnplying that the Vanil l i boyscommitted a fraud. In reality, the true deception was comrnitted by aninternational conspiracy fueled by U.S. and European greed. What was Rob &Fabrs mistake? They wanted to sing on their next album.

The lack of slnnpathy for Rob andFab is doubly tragic because theduo had sought at severalopportunit ies to rrconfessrr therrsinsrt of their predicarnent.But the Arista-Ariola publicrelations effort si lenced anysuch confessions with a Grammy-bashing public relations effort.The industry sent a clearmessage not only to syncstersand fashion posers but to anyart ist I f you rock the boat

you risk being de-platininumized, de-popularized and exposed as a rrfake.rl

Nevermind that the international music licensing industry demands digitallyreprocessed music performed by MTV-perfect visual performers. Conned-sumerscontinue to believe the charade that instant stars such as VaniTTa fce andPebbles can actually write the music, sing the songs, dance at 90 mph, andstiI l sound exactly l ike the oversampled compact disc recording. I ' I i77iVaniTTi was simply one of a series of ful l- functioning l icensing packagescreated to dominate the U.S. and European Common Market.Although eager to dump Rob and Fab, the industry still supports Eh.e VaniTTiaTgorithm, (a perfection of the outdated llonkees formula) in which expensesare low because performers are paid scale (without packaging credit). I f thehired rrstarsrr make any demands theyrre out the door and a new group f i l ts thespot. The merchandising agent commands everything (including song publishingand l icensing) and the conned-sumer gets fuII featured satisfaction - a voice- a face - a dancing body - and a catchy song.By the end of this decade, however, the furor over l,[i77i will seem quaint andpasse music entertainment products wil l incorporate audio animatronics,virtual reali ty and digital del ivery systems and the syncsterrs function wil lno longer be in demand. We wil l witness the birth of bloodless nelr packagedstars and the functional 3-D exploitat ion of dead rnusical legends. Perhapsthen, wefl l recall with sadness - the tragic naivete of these two syncsterlegends who tr ied to speak out against a world of overpowering fungibi l i ty.

@ A&R 1990

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I real ly believe that i trs some

___- - - -- kind of- brain control. What t s

He Finds Hair in His Food H:;:3"ft!l liitlili:: t{elIie'

D€ar AtR: Last week, r was ::|f Nervoua Nell ie: Therers

eating dim sum in a ."rt"ttlii nothing wrong with you' Music

and purted out a two inch ;i;il is^ getting rouder and rouder

hair-. Needress ro say, - 5ii"T 3:?"lt#=niltuirl"3r!"ffi:::?:{:eat dim sum anymore. Y"=t"::lY: ;;;; acknowredged that theI was eating yogurt and granola ::J;and r puu6a- oit a ron{ ;;;il i?tJl::",til?

"ti:"rt",:t t};hair. I almost threw up. -:---:-Needtess to say, r don't ;5i .p.:::"""tded

nusic is a nervous'

yogurt or grranota anymore. =;;

::::"1y irritabre populace

fact , r ,n afraid to " .u '" iv : : !?bt" of being easi ly

food excepr if r n'"n"'"_]i! ffi#""1T"u;="1?";'" .tn?= tt:::;

from scratch by nyself at horne '::5:

with a hat on. what's #;;; enrarging cacophony and the

wth me? Larry ""ii]ljl ffi:t iT.1E? H ?""J"":il:i:9beargut, PA. devices and "roia-- p"ni i"

Dear rJarry! Therers nothing gatherings' Best wishes

wrong with you. T# rc

reasonabre ro want n"ir-ii"! He Hates Obvious Commentsfood. The prevalence of hair infood is because restaurant and Dear AtRs Have you noticedfood processing .emproyees_ ?r9 that everybody has an obviousopposed to.covering their high comment tnLsebays? l, ike i f I tmfashion coiffures for the sake carrying some

- plzza home

of health. However' _ a sorneLoay wil l say rSmeIIs 1ikemidwestern f irm. has produce{ a plzza.tr- or i f

- i ts raining,

hairmeter, HairWhere? Ylign -sornebody

will sdy, rrlooks f itl6wil l give you a fol l icle you got- caught in the rain. r lreading on food products. Good it reiffy rnaies me nuts. I hateluck and happy eating! it when- people say obvious

things! Whatrs wrong with me?She Wonders About Music soo Radford, Missoura; N.r.

Dear ArR: r am wonderinq if D?::f Boos Therers nothing $rrong

music is ge*ing rila"i :i:n you' But remember - in an

everlnrhere. rf seernJ rir.""iilEi :1:, "f tragedy and confusion'

r pray a new recording ori"iv !::P1" seek t'he obvious as a

stereo, it is much roua"r'?n"i ::::9" from the dav to day

when r pray an older r""".iiig conplexity' often the best

at the same setting. *n"n*iTi T?:!"":-"^l:tt olovious question

out in pubric it se;rns rir" in" 1i1: yours is an obvious

music is rouder or,: iiil :lsYer: Be patient and take

erevator and at my healtn "rJ'ul time with your fellow man'

OT & HAPPENINGIEN THTNGSTAn oonrr wnnfTHEIR. TURKEY STUFFED WIfH

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