Assalamu-alaikum wa-rahmatullahi wa-barakuatuhu (may Peace, Mercy and

Blessings of Allah be with you.)

Nour is a domestic violence organisation but new of its kind, as we seek to

use Islamic inspiration to deal with this silent yet threatening issue which is

unfortunately prevalent in our societies. When translated from Arabic the literal

meaning of Nour is light, one with connotations of peace, warmth and beauty.

Nour as an organisation hopes to be a beacon of light, a lighthouse if you will,

for those lost and suffering in the darkness that is domestic violence.

Many Muslims have so far been reluctant to come forward and seek advice and

help in regards to domestic violence for many reasons including the self belief

that they are compromising their faith. However, sabr (patience) does not mean

to suffer in silence. Additionally, there is also a misguided and incorrect belief

that Islam condones domestic violence.

We, at Nour intend to work within this field sincerely and engage our communi-

ties to tackle this evil issue in our homes. We hope to reach out to victims who

are suffering in silence and offer them hope and the much needed strength,

support and solace they deserve.

We hope you will support the work by Nour so that together, we can really make

a difference to the lives of victims of domestic violence. Together, let’s ends the

silence.

We look forward to meeting you at our forthcoming events and hope you will

follow our work and support us in any way you can.

Kindest Regards

Wa’alaikum assalaam (peace be with you)

The team at Nour

Contents

What is domestic violence? 2

What are the statistics? 2

The misunderstood verse 3

Muhammad (Peace Be Upon Him) – The perfect example 4

Who is Nour? 5

What are the warning signs of domestic abuse? 6

What are the causes and detrimental effects of domestic violence? 7

Can an abuser change? 8

What are my legal rights? 9

I need help now! 10

Frequently Asked Questions 11

Is domestic violence exclusive to women only? 11

Why is the focus mainly on women? 11

Do Muslim women have the right to ask for a divorce? 12

How can I help a victim? 12

What is different about Nour? 13

Is domestic violence exclusive to husband and wife? 13

Am I to blame? 14

What if he/she says sorry? 14

References 15

Testimonials 16

Contact Us 17

What is domestic violence?Domestic violence, as a term, is used to describe any form of abuse that

occurs within the context of a familial or intimate relationship. It need

not take place only inside the home and includes, but is not limited to,

physical, emotional, verbal and sexual abuse. Domestic violence occurs in

all cross-sections of life and affects men, women and children of all ages

and backgrounds.

What are the statistics?Statistics regarding domestic violence are difficult to pin-point as many

cases remain unnoticed or unreported. However, the Home Office, other

organisations and many researchers have done intensive investigations to

gather some findings to obtain an idea of the current figures:

• It was found that 16% to 25% of all recorded violent crimes are

reported to be represented by a form of domestic violence (Dodd

et al, 2004).

• Stanko (2000) discovered that the police in the UK receive a call

regarding domestic violence every minute. This distressingly

amounts to over 570,000 calls per year and 89% of these calls

were made by women.

• What is even more disturbing is that only between 23% (Walby

and Allen, 2004) and 35% (Home Office, 2002) of domestic

violence matters are reported to the police.

• It was reported that 45% of women and 26% of men had un

fortunately encountered one incident of violence in their lifetimes

at a minimum (Walby and Allen, 2004)

2

The misunderstood verse“... and beat them”

[Qur’an 4:34]

The verse mentioned here is widely referred to but it is consistently

misconceived. The focus tends to lie on the surface meaning, indicating

permissibility of wife beating. It should be acknowledged that reliance

on the translation alone causes misunderstanding, misrepresentation and

falsification of the original meaning.

It is not permissible to quote a part of a verse and implement it to justify

wrongdoing. The verse does not permit or condone violence, as violence

is not a way of Islam. The word “beat” used in the verse does not account

for violence. The Prophet Muhammad(peace be upon him) explained it as,

“dharban ghayra mubarrih” which means, “a light tap, as light as a feather

stroke that leaves no mark”.

The Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) discouraged his people from

implementing this. He never hit a female and emphasised that the best

of men are those who are best to their women. He articulated his intense

detestation of abusive behaviour by stating,

“How does anyone of you beat his wife as he beats the stallion camel and then

embrace (sleep with) her?”

[Al-Bukhari]

He also stressed to his followers,

“Do not beat the female servants of Allah.”

[Abu Dawud]

3

Muhammad (Peace Be Upon Him) – The perfect example The Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) is the most perfect

example as a husband, who did not deem it dishonouring to help with

household chores such as cooking and cleaning. He treated his wives in

such a manner that each of them felt they were his most beloved. There

are no narrations that will show he behaved harshly or negatively towards

his wives, but rather with love, respect and humour.

The Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) discussed issues with his

wives as companions and never failed to show them affection. Safiyyah, a

wife of the Prophet (peace be upon them) said,

“The Messenger of Allah went to Hajj with his wives. On the way my camel knelt

down for it was the weakest among all the other camels and so I wept. The

Prophet came to me and wiped away my tears with his dress and hands. The

more he asked me not to weep the more I went on weeping.”

[Ahmad]

This took place in public whilst he was travelling with all his wives, yet he

never felt embarrassed to express his affection. He managed to recognise

the emotional needs of his wife and did not hesitate to console her.

The Qur’an commands Muslims to follow the examples of Muhammad

(peace be upon him). He never harmed or oppressed any of his wives, and

as he is the best role model for Muslims, as given by God, Muslims too are

strongly instructed to not harm or oppress their spouse.

“There is indeed a good model for you in the Messenger of Allah.”

[Qur’an 33:21]

4

Who is Nour?Nour is a non-profit organisation which has been established to help raise

awareness of the deafeningly silent occurrence of domestic violence

within our homes and especially in Muslim communities. Our belief lies

principally on the importance of being pro-active rather than reactive.

We also believe that having a strong Islamic ethos, based on the Islamic

literature from both the Qur’an and the prophetic teachings, will help

us with our condemnation of this social injustice that unfortunately is

prevalent in Muslim homes. This taboo subject has long awaited attention

– particularly in the Muslim community.

“By ending the silence, you will end the violence.”

[Yvonne Ridley, Patron of Nour]

One of Nour’s main objectives is to raise awareness of the incidence of

domestic violence – and to tackle this head-on. We aim to do this via

various methods of campaigning, such as hosting informative events,

seminars, workshops, and more. Nour also aims to help victims of

domestic violence, encouraging sufferers to come forward and break the

silence.

Currently, Nour provides access to Islamic and legal advisors as well as

health advisors such as medical experts and counsellors – all of whom

are qualified and experienced in this sensitive field of work. Although

presently all advice and help is only via email contact, we anticipate that

Nour will continue to progress and we are working towards offering a

more private and interactive counselling/legal/Islamic service , God

willing, allowing greater, intensive help for the betterment of the victims.

5

What are the warning signs of domestic abuse?There are various warning signs which indicate the possibility of someone

being abused. This does not necessary mean physical abuse. Below is a

list which highlights some of these warning signs:

• Threatening to hurt or kill you, your children, your pets or even

themselves.

• Threatening to take your children away from you.

• Belittling you by calling you names or humiliating you in front of

others.

• Telling you that you cannot cope without them.

• Controlling who you can and cannot see, what you wear and

where you go.

• Checking through your possessions, e.g. your phone, your address

book, or even following you.

• Placing the blame on to you for his/her behaviour.

• Extreme jealousy.

• Intimidating actions, such as smashing or chucking items around

the home.

• Forcing you to engage in sexual activities (marital rape).

• You find you are changing your behaviour to please them or feel

you are constantly walking on egg-shells.

• You and/or your children are living in fear.

• You try to isolate yourself from your friends and family.

• You find yourself making frequent excuses to not go out with

friends of family.

• Constant verbal abuse towards you, or in general.

• Unpredictable mood swings (fine one minute, and explodes the

next).

6

What are the causes and detrimental effects of domestic violence?There are no specific reasons as to why violence occurs in the home.

Many have alleged that domestic violence starts when one partner deems

it necessary to control the other. This feeling may occur for a number of

reasons such as; having a low self-esteem, harbouring extreme jealousy,

encountering problems in ability to manage one’s anger and feelings of

inferiority. Some men with traditional beliefs and cultures consider it

within their rights to control women as they please. Others may have a

strong addiction to alcohol or drugs, leading them incapable of controlling

a violent urge.

Various studies propose that behaviour is a learnt feature, which can be

adopted via observing the behaviour of others. Thus violent behaviour

can be learnt from members of the family and community and the media.

Abusers may have been a frequent witness and/or victim of violence

themselves.

It is common for children who witness or experience domestic violence

to learn such behaviour. It may lead to them thinking violence is a

reasonable method of resolving matters. Boys in particular may learn to

treat women in the way they witnessed it, with a lack of respect, value

and honour. Studies have suggested that such boys are more likely to be

abusive towards their womenfolk as they age, and girls who witness or

experience domestic violence as they age are more likely to be a victim by

their own partners. Abuse of any form has been found to leave long-term

psychological effects.

7

Can an abuser change?It is important to try and recognise what the abuser is seeking to fulfil

and what need is there to be met. Most times, just like a child, the adult

abuser is seeking some sort of significance and certainty, connection and

variety, some sort of human need. The same can be said for the reason a

person stays in an abusive relationship. It may be that they get recognised

and live in hope that their abuser will change, and begin to live in that

hope.

The first step required for an abuser to change is for them to recognise

and accept that they have a problem, and then adopt the willingness and

determination to change their behaviour. With long-term and immediate

intervention not only can the abuser change, but also, if given the forgive-

ness and the chance, they will be a better person once he or she knows

that there are positive and non detrimental ways of fulfilling a need. Of

course, there is the deeper reason of experiencing and witnessing this

kind of abuse in their childhood, giving rise to the affirmation that this

is the correct way to communicate with another being. In either case,

therapy and patience can help leading to significant change.

There are programmes available for abusers who wish to stop the violence,

which different organisations are able to offer as well as counselling to

help the individual work through his/her problems. The DViP (domestic

violence intervention project) is one organisation which works to help

male abusers end their abusive behaviour towards a female partner. You

can find out more by accessing the DViP website for further information

and advice. Attitudinal change is a difficult and time consuming process.

People who are at the receiving end of domestic violence are not obliged

to put up with it legally or Islamically.

8

What are my legal rights?There are laws which exist to protect you from domestic violence, and any

children involved. Removing yourself from an abusive relation is difficult,

but the step towards seeking legal help is often the most difficult action

to take for any victim.

If you have fears that your ex-partner or any other family member will

be violent, threatening, harassing, intimidating or pestering you then

you must contact the police immediately. You must also consult family

solicitors, who will advice you on obtaining a court order. A court order

may also be obtained if your ex-partner or family member is encouraging

someone else to be violent and threatening against you.

Also if you have fears that your ex-partner will remove the children from

the jurisdiction of England and Wales then you must contact a family

solicitor, who will advice you on obtaining a court order preventing your

ex-partner removing the child/ren from the jurisdiction of England and

Wales.

The Community Legal Service is an organisation that has been set up by

the government to assist you with legal advice and solutions; you can visit

them at www.legalservices.gov.uk.

You can also contact the National Domestic Violence Helpline on free

phone 0808 2000 247 at any time of the day.

9

I need help now! Currently, Nour is able to provide access to Islamic and legal advisors and

a team of health professionals - who offer counselling and psychological

support and medical advice. As Nour has only recently been established,

we have a limited capacity of help and support available for victims of

domestic violence.

However, there are numerous other charities and organisations which

can offer other types of support, including how to stay safe, access to

legal support, and emergency refuge accommodation. To name a few,

if you are looking for a national domestic violence organisation, you can

have a look at Women’s Aid, Women and Girls Network, Rights of Women,

Network for Surviving Stalking and Respect. For advice regarding drugs

and alcohol, please take a look at Release, DrugScope and/or Alcohol

Concern.

In many cases, children are also victims of domestic violence. There are

organisations available for these victims also, such as; The Hide Out, Free

From Fear and NSPCC.

Lastly, if you are seeking immigration advice, you may find useful

information by visiting the Law Society.

If in a case of an emergency, please always call 999 immediately and ask

for the police, an ambulance, or both.

10

Frequently Asked Questions

Is domestic violence exclusive to women only?

No. Domestic violence does not only affect women, rather, this brutal

phenomenon affects men, women and children of all ages, ethnicities,

social class and religion.

Though domestic violence is more prevalent amongst women, this does

not mean that Nour focuses primarily on women. Nour recognises that

men can be sufferers too and should not feel ashamed in seeking help.

Abuse of any kind is unacceptable – and should not be condoned in any

circumstances.

Why is the focus mainly on women?

12% of violent attacks on men were domestic violence related whilst 50%

of those responsible for the attacks were other men in the family (1996

British Crime Survey).

44% of assaults on women were related to domestic violence and 90% of

these were males against female (current or ex-) partners (1996 British

Crime Survey).

Women are unfortunately the predominant victims of domestic violence

and it is very difficult for a woman to leave an abusive relationship

particularly if she and her children are very dependent on the perpetrator.

Fear is the overriding reason that prevents women from coming forward

and admitting to their problems. It is an accepted statistic that 1in 2

women die every week as a result of domestic violence. Hence it is very

important that many supporting organisations be available to enable them

to escape the violence.

11

Do Muslim women have the right to ask for a divorce?

It is permissible for a woman to seek nullification of her marriage if the

husband is abusive, if he is impotent, if he refuses to have sexual relations

with her or if he becomes afflicted with an illness/disease whereby she

doesn’t desire him thereafter.

A divorce may also be sought if a woman feels life with her husband has

become intolerable. This is referred to as “Khula”, which requires the

wife to return her dowry as compensation. Should the husband refuse to

accept the request, a Muslim judge will look into the reasons for seeking

annulment before passing his judgment.

How can I help a victim?

The best way to help a victim is by providing hope and courage through

being a supportive presence in their lives. It is important not to put

pressure on them to leave the abuser as this may stop them seeking you

out. Victims tend to lose confidence and have low self esteem. They need

to be assured that they have people who are more than willing to help

them by accompanying them to seek professional help like counselling

services; by helping arrange emergency shelter and helping them

overcome their problems through emotional support. It is crucial not be

judgemental towards the choices they make but to facilitate their decision

making. In addition, it is a necessity to help the victims build up their self

believe; and be prepared to fight a battle, in order for them to get back on

track and move on in their lives.

12

What is different about Nour?

Unlike other organisations, Nour identifies the cultural and religious

sensitivities which lie deeply rooted into the behaviour of people. Nour

uses these sensitivities to provide the victims with the help they may be

searching for. We provide advice based around Islam – allowing victims to

act accordingly to the teachings of their beliefs.

Nour also works to raise awareness of domestic violence, and we intend

on campaigning to put forward the fact that Islam does not advocate

violence, nor does it condone violence. We will work closely with Muslim

Scholars, mosques and other organisations to encourage victims to come

forward and to educate the community of the condemnation of violence

in Islam.

Our work also involves working in communities alongside other DV

charities to raise the profile of domestic violence and stress that no

woman, man or child should have to endure this evil.

Is domestic violence exclusive to husband and wife?

Domestic violence does not just occur between partners, but children,

siblings, parents and other members of the family may also be victims or

perpetrators.

Domestic violence can take any number of forms. Forced marriage is a

common issue where children are seen as the families’ pride and honour.

If the son/daughter disagrees to a marriage, they are emotionally

blackmailed, threatened of disownment or physically abused.

Female genital mutilation is also a form of abuse which occurs in many

cultures, causing young girls great harm.

13

Am I to blame?

Victims are often left questioning themselves to find reason and logic to

their situation and typically ask if they are to blame. There is no need to

justify the abusive action of others as no reason will ever suffice. Victims

may give numerous reasons as to why they suffer domestic abuse but

ultimately they are not to blame. Some victims do admit to provocative

behaviour, knowing full well of what the consequence may be, as some

masochists do. But each individual is responsible for their actions and

should be in possession of their own feelings. The inability to control one’s

anger, emotions and urges to lash out is a problem which requires deep

intervention. The victim, who unfortunately ends up on the receiving end,

is never at fault for the abuser’s actions.

What if he/she says sorry?

The abuser, who may feel pangs of guilt and regret. However, they fall

into a series of doing the same thing again and then apologising for their

outbursts. The problem is that this is a vicious cycle that the couple

falls into and cannot recognise. Having an expectation of regret from

the abuser forms a mist over reality, as each so-called ‘sorry’ provides a

deep, emotional connection between the couple. The reality is that the

abused should seek real emotional connection from the abuser, which can

only happen in the presence of a progressive and mature communication

to resolve the issue, allowing the real feelings of emotion to connect. A

victim does not have to accept the cycle and in fact may, by breaking it,

be helping the abuser face reality. It is not the victim’s responsibility or

obligation to put up with or help the perpetrator.

Further FAQ’s can be found at www.nour-dv.org.uk

14

ReferencesBritish Crime Survey, 1996

Dodd, T. et al (2004). Crime in England and Wales 2003-2004. Home

Office. London (from ‘Statistics on Domestic Violence’:

www.womensaid.org.uk)

Domestic violence intervention project: www.dvip.org

Home Office. (2002). Statistics on women and the

criminal justice system. London: Home Office. (from ‘Statistics on

Domestic Violence’: www.womensaid.org.uk)

Stanko, B. (2000). The Day to Count.: A Snapshot of the

Impact of Domestic Violence in the UK. Criminal

Justice 1:2. (from ‘Statistics on Domestic Violence’:

www.womensaid.org.uk)

Walby, S. & Allen, J. (2004). Domestic violence, sexual assault and

stalking: Findings from the British Crime Survey. Home Office. London.

(from ‘Statistics on Domestic Violence’: www.womensaid.org.uk)

15

Testimonials

“Insha’Allah I will be willing to support this noble cause.”

Suliman Gani

“I am and shall continue to remain a very open and public supporter of the goals

that you stand for.”

Yasir Qadhi

“I sincerely hope that NOUR becomes NOURUL-HUDA in homes where there

is darkness of Zulm (Oppresion) & a successful project for many to follow &

benefit from. Ameen ya Rabbal A’lameen.”

Rafiq Ismail Sufi Patel

“We support the very nature of what you are talking about, without doubt. This

is what Islam is teaching us, insha’Allah.”

Yusuf Estes

“I pray Allah Most High grant your organisation success and reward you for

your efforts, Ameen.”

Muhammad ibn Adam al-Kawthari

“I am keen to assist; May Allah grant you ease, assistance, facilitation, blessing,

and success in all your affairs and in this excellent project. May Allah love you

as He loves the most beloved of His servants.”

Faraz Rabbani

“I am both pleased and assured that this project is being done with the advice

and consultation of the Ulamaa and scholars, which will set this project apart

from others that may be similar to this project.”

Imaam Muhammad ibn Ismail

16

Contact UsFor more information regarding Nour, please visit www.nour-dv.org.uk

You may also email general enquiries at info@nour-dv.org.uk

You may write to us at:

Nour - Domestic Violence Charity,

PO Box 62954,

London,

N9 1BT.

Nour is a non-profit organisation, which is able to carry out the extensive

work we do via fundraising and generous donations from the public.

Please help us with our work so we can change the darkened lives of many

victims.

You can donate online via the website, set up a monthly standing order, or

send a cheque payable to ‘Nour’ to the above address.

You can also make a donation directly into our account:

Nour

Natwest

Account number: 65858557

Sort code: 51-50-03

Thank you.

Our Sponsors

17