Note: Sexual IntimacyA state of closeness and familiarity between two people characterized by the desire and ability to share one’s feelings with each other either verbally or non-verbally.

Note: SexualityHuman sexuality is the total expression of

an individual’s femaleness or maleness through that person’s feelings, beliefs, attitudes, values and behaviours. It is a complex expression of the whole person. Sexuality reinforces and affirms the individual as a human being and allows the role of female and male to develop. One’s sexuality is the integration of a multitude of personal characteristics and factors.

RelationshipsYou are at the point right now in your lives

where for the first time you may be entering into very intimate relationships with other people. The experiences you may be going through are quite different from the ones you had when you were younger. These relationships can be very exciting and exhilarating and at the same time can be stressful, emotionally trying and confusing.

For the first time you are less concerned about yourself and your needs and now are having to think about the needs and concerns of another person

Having relationships is an important part of the growth process. It develops us from an emotional and psychological point of view and contributes to our maturing as a person. The interaction and give and take that occurs in a relationship as a young person will have a great impact on how you relate to other people when you are older. The successes and failures you have now in relationships will to a large extent prepare you for other relationships in the future.

One early lesson commonly learned in first relationships is what the difference is between love and infatuation. As young people with raging hormones we can sometimes get these terms confused.

Note: RelationshipsFriendshipIs a significant relationship between two

people based on caring, consideration and trust.

Note: Levels of Friendship1. Casual Friends Are peers with whom you feel socially

connected. You may talk with these people at school but their friendship doesn’t fill some of the deeper needs humans have.

2. Close Friends Are people you are more likely to share your

inner feelings and thoughts with, You may trust these people with your secrets and will seek their advice and help when you are hurting, troubled or confused. Because you are dealing with such difficult issues and because close friends tend to be more honest with you it takes work and understanding for these friendships to stay healthy and grow.

3. Platonic FriendshipsIs a relationship with a member of the

opposite gender in which there is affection, but no sexual activity. These types of relationships can be very useful in helping us understand people of the opposite sex as we can get advice from them from their perspective.

4. Going steady Is a decision on the part of two people to take

a close friendship to the next level. Going steady implies a greater amount of commitment by the partners and can also entail more involved sexual activity. Doing this at too early an age can impair the social development that comes with dating.

Relationship AssignmentSee handout

Brainstorm with a partner what you think the top 10 characteristics of a good relationship and a bad relationship should be.

The 10 Characteristics of Good RelationshipTrust – partners are able to confide in each

other openly, knowing their confidences will be respected.

Togetherness – in a healthy relationship, two people create a sense of both intimacy and autonomy. They each enjoy each other’s company but also pursue solitary interests.

Expressiveness –partners in healthy relationships say what they feel, need and desire

Staying Power – couples in committed relationships keep their bond strong through tough times by proving that they will be there for each other.

Security – Because a good relationship is strong enough to absorb conflict and anger, partners know that can express their feelings honestly.

Laughter- humour keeps things in perspective.

Support – partners in good relationships continually offer each other encouragement, comfort and acceptance

Physical Affection – sexual desire may fluctuate or diminish over the years, but partners in loving, long term relationships usually retain some physical connection.

Personal Growth – in the best relationships, partners are committed to bringing out the best in each other and have the other’s best interest at heart.

Respect – caring partners are aware of each others boundaries, need for personal space and vulnerabilities. They do not take each other for their relationship for granted.

Eight Characteristics of an Unhealthy RelationshipExtreme jealousy or insecurityConstant put-downsPossessiveness or acting like they own youTelling you what to doExplosive angerMaking false accusationsIsolating you from your friends and familyPreventing you from doing the things you

want to do.

Types of AbuseDomestic abuse is a pattern of abusive

behaviour in a dating or domestic relationship. This abuse can be physical, sexual, verbal/emotional or a combination of these.

Physical AbuseIs the intentional unwanted contact with the

victim’s body by either the abuser or an object within the abuser’s control.

Eg) scratching, punching, kicking, burning,etc.

Sexual AbuseIs any sexual behaviour which is unwanted and

which interferes with the victims right to say “no” to sexual advances.

Examples) date rape, unwanted touching, forcing person to do things they are not comfortable doing, etc.

Verbal/Emotional AbuseIs anything that the abuser says or does to the

victim that causes the victim to be afraid, negatively affects the victim’s self esteem ,or manipulates or controls the victim’s emotions or behavior.

Examples) name calling, putdowns, yelling, threats, isolating the person, telling them what to do, stalking, etc.

How to Avoid AbuseRecognize – Learn to recognize abusive

behaviour in its many formsResist – Should someone use or try to use

offensive touching, suggestive talk , or other inappropriate behaviour, resist in any way your can. Be assertive.

Report – Get away and tell someone about the incident as soon as you can.

Relationships Issues Case Study1. What types of abuse occur in the story? Give an

example of each from the story.2. Were there any warning signs Becky should

have paid attention to?3. Why might Becky have stayed with Tom after

she was slapped? 4. What would you have done in Becky’s

situation?5. What are some of the different options that

could have been taken to handle a situation such as this?

Riddle A father and his son are involved in a horrific

traffic accident. The father is killed but the boy survives. In the operating room the surgeon about to work on the boy exclaims. “I can’t operate on this patient he’s my son!” What is the situation?

Answer –The surgeon is the boy’s mother!

Note: Gender Role StereotypesGeneralizations about how males and females

should express themselves and the characteristics each possess. Men are thought to be independent, aggressive, better in math and science, logical and always in control of their emotions. Women on the other hand are traditionally expected to be passive, nurturing, intuitive, sensitive and emotional

Male/Female DifferencesTraditionally in our society we have tended to force or impose our expectations on males and females in terms of their behaviour and actions.

BOYS GIRLS

EG) blue pink

Sexual Stereotyping

Narrowly defines roles for males and females in our society. Assigns particular traits or characteristics to a person based solely on their sex.

There are many real and apparent differences between males and females (physical, psychological). The problem exists when we take these differences and use them to control or demean one group.Right to voteHiring equityPay equity

Because we live in a male dominated society women have had to work hard to overcome obstacles to achieve their goals.

Who we are as men and women

2. PsychologicalThere is a theory that there may be differences

based on different parts of the brain. Females – left side –logic and language

- express feelings better, argue more expressively

Males – right side – shapes and spaces- building projects, spatial

concepts in athletics, math related areas

3. CulturalExpectations and acceptable behaviour taught

to us.Parents – boys play with trucks, wrestle, no

crying, learn to supress emotions. - girls play with dolls, taught

nourishment roles, non aggressive play.Teachers – unconscious biasFriends – encourage our differences

Factors that influence gender roles and sexuality

Sexuality and Gender Role Personal AnalysisUse this worksheet to reflect on how your

sexuality has been affected by various factors.

Sexuality

can be utilized to exertdominance or powerover another individual

When sexuality is used in advertising, certain values and attitudes towards sex are being 'sold' to consumers along with the products. The overriding question that must be asked when deconstructing any advertisement, is "what underlying message is being sold by this ad?"

Sex in Advertising: Comparison Ads

Compare how males and females are depicted in advertising campaigns which use separate ads focusing on men and women.

For example, both the Vuitton and Milk campaigns use a man and a woman to sell the same product, but note how the images of women are more sexualized than those of the men!

Deconstruct four advertisements from ads you have found:

You are to analyze the ads you have chosen The written responses to the questions on the

Task Sheet will also be submitted with your ads.

Note: Communication SkillsSpeaking SkillsWhen speaking, it is important to make

statements that are clear and precise. One should also recognize that inflections or changes in pitch or loudness of your voice can also play a large role in how you communicate.

Note: cont’dListening SkillsListening is an important skill as it allows the partner

to understand what is being communicated.

Body Language SkillsIt is important for non-verbal communicating to be

consistent with what one is saying to ensure the message intended is communicated to the partner.

Refusal SkillsWhen one wants to say no, refusal skills provide an

effective and direct way for the message to be communicated.

Communication DosListenLook the person in the eyesAsk questionsHear a person outResist distractionsBe open mindedAssume responsibility for a two-way dialogue

Communication Don’tsInterruptRaise your voice or yellCall names or labelBlameForce or threatenLaugh at peopleAssume you understandMake snap judgementsSay “always” or “never”Offer advice when it’s not asked for

Comparison of assertive, aggressive and non-aggressive communication

ASSERTIVE AGGRESSIVE NON-ASSERTIVE

Strong & steady voice

Loud & explosive voice

Soft, uncertain voice

Good eye contact Intimidating looks Downcast eyes

Strong body language

Intimidating body language

Shifting weight back & forth

Aware of other feelings

Insensitive Doesn’t feel comfortable talking about how he/she feels

Confident Demanding Nervous

In control Cannot control temper

Uncertain

This is what I think This is what I want My thoughts aren’t impt

“I” statements “You’d better” If you don’t then look out

“ I guess, maybe”

Effective Communication“I” messages can be an effective way if

communicating. They allow you to express your feelings without provoking resistance or retaliation. You allow the other person the freedom to respond.

1.When you use an effective “I” statement, you are describing the EFFECT of a situation or behaviour on you. You are not making a verbal attack on the other person.

2. An effective “I” statement tells the other person that you trust him/her to handle the situation constructively. By allowing the other person to assume responsibility for his/her own behaviour you enable him/her to change.

3. An honest expression of your own feelings will tend to open up communication. Interpersonal relationships and even intimacy can improve.

How to compose an effective “I” statementDescribe the behaviour or situation that is

disturbing you. (non judgementally) eg. “When you….(don’t call to say you will be late)”

State your feelings about the effect the behaviour produces for you. Eg) “I feel….(worried, angry, ignored)

State the consequences . Eg) “because…(the dinner is ruined)”

Aspects of sending effective “I” statementsEnsure that you are not giving a disguised

“you” statement. Eg) “I feel that YOU are inconsiderate”

Do not be afraid to send a strong “I” statement. Use strong words to convey strong emotions…eg. “ I was petrified when you drove through the red light because I felt we would hit someone” rater that “I don’t like it when…”

“I” StatementsCreate an effective I statement that will communicate hoe

you feel and open up communication to solve the following conflicts:

Your boyfriend wants to go to the movies but you want to stay home.

Your parent’s don’t want you going out during the week.

You have a friend that always has to have their way.You have a boyfriend that want to spend too much/too

little time with you.You have a friend that always gets drunk and acts like

an idiot but doesn’t remember the next day. You keep having to help them out of nasty situations .

You have a teacher that you think is treating you unfairly.

What is conflict?A struggle or disagreement about ideas,

values, facts , opinions, etc. Conflict occurs when individuals or groups are unable to resolve a disagreement or internal struggle. Conflict is expressed through behaviours ranging from mental anguish to physical violence.

ORConflict is an emotional state that arises when

the behaviour of one person interferes with the behvaiour of another.

Positive aspects of conflictNo violenceCommunication improvesPeople listen and respect each otherBetter ideas are produced to solve the

problemCo-operation exitsFairness is achieved

Negative aspects of conflictThreats and blame continuesFeelings are hurtRelationships are damagedTempers get out of controlPeople take sidesViolence may resultHealth problems arise

Remember the four communication styles?1. Aggressive2. Assertive3. Passive (non-aggressive)4. Manipulative

These styles also relate to the four styles of conflict resolution.

Conflict Resolution Approaches1. ConfrontationEg) I win – You lose

2. CompromiseEg) I win and lose a bit – you win and lose a bit

3. AvoidanceEg) I lose- you win

4) ManipulationEg) I might win – you lose

Complete bottom of handout

Compromise Style = AssertiveFeelings? Frustrated because you don’t get

everything you want, satisfied about what you did get, happy for and still get along with other party

Advantages?Get almost everything, problem is solved, good

feelings, no grudgeDisadvantage?Takes a lot of time and effort

ConfrontationStyle = AggressiveFeelings?Insensitive to other party, hurt feelings, power

Advantages?Quick to resolve, you are happyDisadvantage?Violence possible, 2 parties not on good terms

AvoidanceStyle = Non assertive/passiveFeelings?Your thoughts aren’t impt, other party feels

power, Advantages?Quick to resolve, no violenceDisadvantage?Possibly not best outcome, you get nothing

ManipulativeStyle = ManipulationFeelings?Hurt feelings if other party finds outAdvantages?

1 party gets what they want, feel more intelligent for outwitting

Disadvantage?Can take longer to resolve, outcome not

universal, possible violence