new ideas on the origins of shame in stuttering cindy s. spillers, ph.d. university of minnesota...

New Ideas on the Origins of Shame in Stuttering

Cindy S. Spillers, Ph.D.University of Minnesota Duluth

[email protected]/~cspiller/stuttering&shame-slides.ppsx

MSHA 2014April 11-12, 2004

Rochester, MNS

mailto:[email protected]

http://www.d.umn.edu/~cspiller/stuttering&shame-slides.ppsx

http://www.d.umn.edu/~cspiller/stuttering&shame-slides.ppsx

Stuttering & Shame (Spillers) 2

Dedicated to the Memory ofBeth Marolt Bryson

d. Oct 31, 2013

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Introduction

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The King’s Speech


Recognition of Shame as Part of Advanced Stuttering

Bloodstein, 2007; Guitar 2006; Sheehan, Cortese & Hadley, 1962; Starkweather, 2001; Van Riper, 1982

One of a constellation of emotions Often overlooked, unacknowledged, and rarely

ever talked about.

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Complex and hidden Web of conflicting & confusing

emotions Visceral response

Why?

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Premise and PurposeShame drives the fear bus

Coincidental timing of 3 developmental processes New shame theory – shame as a social emotion

These ideas help to explain why: Stuttering cuts to the soul Powerlessness over stuttering Reclaiming power requires addressing shame

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Fulcrum on which my theory balances:

Fear of loss of control develops early and causes shame (Judith, 2006)

Shame = fear of loss of connection and unworthiness (Brown, 2007; Scheff, 2000)

Loss of control is really about loss of connection and abandonment (Silverman, 2013)

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Purpose

Introduce new information on shame theory

Review what we already know about Early psychosocial development Early speech & language development Early stuttering development

Tie it all together and put a bow on it

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Understanding Shame

Defining Shame

Personal Definitions Webster’s Unabridged (1983) “Disturbed or

painful feeling of guilt, incompetence, indecency, or blameworthiness.”

Bradshaw (1988) “Painful feeling about myself as a person.”

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Social Definitions

Scheff (2000) “I nominate shame as the premiere social emotion.”

Brown (2007; 2010; 2012) “The intensely painful feeling or experience of believing we are flawed and therefore unworthy of acceptance & belonging.”

Fear of loss of connection – causes us to hide something about ourselves from others

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The Social Nature of Human Beings

We are hardwired for connection (Brown, 2007; Hanson, 2009; Scheff, 2000)

Neural circuits thick with synapses Threat to social connectivity sends strong signals

through brain and body Fight-flight-freeze

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Abraham Maslow’s Needs Hierarchy (1943)

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3 Social/Cultural dimensions of shame

Power (Brown, 2007; Judith, 2004) Cultural definitions – holding sway over other people

Dualities of strong vs. weak Internal battles of good vs. bad; greater angels vs. lesser

angels Original definition– ability to act, make changes,

transform “Inner strength” Fighting against ourselves leaves little energy for making

changes

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Worthiness (Brown, 2007; 2010; 2012; 2013) Definition – “quality of value, merit, esteem, or virtue” A quality of the soul Worthiness and Love & belonging When we feel worthy of love & belonging we tend to

Have courage to be imperfect Have compassion for ourselves and others Are more authentic

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The Skin Horse on Being Real

“What is REAL?” asked the Rabbit…“Real isn’t how you are made…It’s a thing that happens to you.”“Does it hurt?” asked the Rabbit.“Sometimes….When you are Real you don’t mind being hurt….It takes a long time. That’s why it doesn’t often happen to people who break easily or…who have to be carefully kept. …Once you are Real you can’t become unreal again. It lasts for always.”

(Williams, 1922)

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Vulnerability (Brown, 2007; 2010)

Definition – “Capable of being wounded; open to attack.”

Seat of shame, fear, & worthlessness AND love, belonging, & joy

Opening self to wounding and attack requires courage, not weakness

Vulnerability and power

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The Grocery Store Incident - Alan Rabinowitz

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Universality of Shame (Brown, 2007; Bradshaw, 1988; Judith, 2004; Scheff, 2000) Everyone experiences shame except sociopaths Every encounter we have contains the potential

for rejection Rarely identified, acknowledged, or talked about

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Shame needs 3 conditions

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Judgment

Secrecy

Silence


The Individual’s Experience of Shame Physiological & Physical

Fight-flight-freeze Posture

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Sibling humiliation – King’s Speech Classroom humiliation- Voice in Exile


Emotional – “swampland of the soul” (Scheff, 2000)

Multiple emotions – embarrassment, guilt, humiliation, shyness, failure, rejection, blame, anger

Easy to name these emotions; not easy to recognize the shame underneath

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Mental/Cognitive

Mental fog; confusion Frontal lobe shuts down with 3F response

(Hanson, 2009)

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Cafeteria scene – Voice in Exile


Spiritual

Spirituality = Finding meaning in our lives through relationships with self, others, and higher power of some kind (Frankl, 1959/2006) Inextricably connected to one another by a force

greater than ourselves (Brown, 2012) Wholeness and completeness

Shame ruptures all 3 relationships

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Psycho-social development and shame

Stage 2 Autonomy vs. Shame & Doubt (Erikson, 1963)

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18 mo. – 4 yrs.

Physical & cognitive development Voluntary muscle control Cognitive thought and development of language Speech & language form connection between thought

and action (Erikson, 1963; Judith, 2004) Beginnings of the will and willful action (vs. reflexive)

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Potty Training

2 energetic principles

“We experience shame if we cannot adequately control what comes out of us.” (Judith, 2004, p. 206)

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Holding on

Letting go


Summary Shame is a social emotion

Fear of loss of connection—loss of love, rejection, abandonment feeling unworthy of love and connection

Universal Causes hiding

Capacity for shame develops early in life (18 mo – 4 yrs)

We experience shame if we cannot adequately control what comes out of us

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+

Stuttering & Shame (Spillers) 28MSHA 2014

The Pencil Incident - Rabinowitz


Shame as a Driving Force in Stuttering Development

Review of What Know and Don’t Know

Shame is recognized as part of advanced stuttering Bloodstein – Phases 3 & 4; Guitar -- Intermediate Fear gets top billing among emotions No writings on when, how, or why shame gets

attached to stuttering

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Why so much fear?

“Why is it so bad when _____ ? “Because the other person might

reject me.”

Fear of rejection & feeling unworthy

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shame


My Thought: Shame is premiere emotion of stuttering

Loss of control separates SLDs from NDs When we can’t control what comes out of us, we feel

shame Shame tied to early experiences of loss of control

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Onset of Stuttering

Autonomy & self control


Stuttering, Shame, & Fear of Loss of Control Primal fear

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Loss of control

Loss of connection (shame)

Death


Ellen- Marie Silverman (2013, p. 5)

“…When we are 3 or 4 years old…with limited experience and an immature cognitive system, we may first experience the primal fear that arises from believing we may perish if we stutter. We may, quite literally, fear stuttering may kill us…. The loss of control of our bodies that we experience as we stutter could lead to death on the spot.”

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Primal fear overlooked by adults and by PWS when they become adults

This primal fear may be the largest contributing factor to stuttering in adulthood (Silverman, 2013).

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“Broken stuttering boy”


Shame’s relationship to other fears associated with stuttering (Corcoran & Stewart, 1998; Sheehan, et al., 1962; Starkweather, 2001)

Fear is most common manifestationof shame Cycle back to primal fear Addressing fears may not be enough

to help replace the primal fear

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Shame’s Relationship with Other Emotions and Secondary Behaviors

High correlation between shame and anger, depression, and others (Brown, 2007).

Embarrassment, humiliation, helplessness (Corcoran & Stewart, 1998)

Self-esteem (Daniels & Gabel, 2004;Ginsberg, 2000)

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Secondary behaviors Silverman (2013) loss of control

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Loss of control

Primal fear

(shame)

Struggle &

avoidance


Conclusion Shame is the central emotion in stuttering

Very young children can and do experience shame Loss of control in stuttering leads to primal fear of

abandonment(social definition of shame) and death

Primal fear (shame) imprinted deep in psyche and leads to a cascade of emotions and secondary behaviors

It is a very big deal for children & adults who stutter

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What to do about it?????

Stay tuned for Part 2 in 2015

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References Adele, D. (2009). The yamas and niyamas. Duluth, MN: On-Word Bound Books.

Bloodstein, O. & Ratner, A.B. (2007). A handbook on stuttering (6th ed.). Dependence, KY: Cengage Learning.

Bradshaw, J. (1988). Healing the shame that binds you. Deerfield Beach, FL: Health Communications.

Brown. B. (2007). I thought it was just me. NY: Gotham Books.

Brown, B. (2010) . The power of vulnerability. TED Talk available online at http://www.ted.com/talks/brene_brown_on_vulnerability.html

Brown, B.(2012). Listening to shame. TED Talk available online at http://www.ted.com/talks/brene_brown_listening_to_shame.htmlhttp://www.ted.com/talks/brene_brown_listening_to_shame.html

Brown, B. (2013). The courage to be vulnerable. Interview with Tami Simon, Sounds True Radio http://www.soundstrue.com/radio

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http://www.ted.com/talks/brene_brown_on_vulnerability.html

http://www.ted.com/talks/brene_brown_listening_to_shame.html

http://www.soundstrue.com/radio


References Corcoran, J.A. & Stewart, M. (1998). Stories of stuttering: A qualitative

analysis of interview narratives. J. Fluency Dis. 23, pp. 247-264.

Daniels, D. & Gabel, R.M. (2004). The impact of stuttering on identity construction. Topics in Language Disorders 24 (3), pp. 200-215.

Erikson, E.H. (1963). Childhood & society (2nd ed.). NY: W.W. Norton & Co.

Frankl, V. (1959/2006). Man’s search for meaning. Boston: Beacon Press.

Ginsberg, A.P. (2000). Shame, self-consciousness, and locus of control in people who stutter. J. Of Genetic Psychology 161(4), pp. 389-399.

Guitar, B. (2006). Stuttering: An integrated approach to its nature & treatment (3rd ed.). Baltimore: Williams & Wilkins.

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References Hanson, R. (2009). Buddha’s brain. Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Press.

Hooper, T. (2012). The King’s speech. The Westin Co.

Judith, A. (2004). Eastern body, Western mind. Berkley, CA: Ten Speed Press.

Kaplan, M.A. (1985). Voice in Exile. Pacific Grove, CA: Original Gravity Media.

Maslow, A. H. (1943). A theory of human motivation. Psychological Review 50(4), pp. 370-396.

Rabinowitz, A. (2010). Stuttering & the big cats. Nashville, TN: SFA DVD #6600.

Scheff, T. J. (2000). Shame and the social bond: A sociological theory. Sociological Theory 18(1), pp. 84-99.

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References Sheehan, J.G., Cortese, P.A., & Hadley, R.G. (1962). Guilt, shame, and tension in graphic

projections of stutteirng. JSHD 27(2), pp. 129-139).

Silverman, E-M (2013). Relief from stuttering. N. Charleston, SC: Create Space.

Spillers, C.S. (2011). Spiritual dimensions of the clinical relationship. In Fourie, R.J. (ed.) Therapeutic processes for communication disorders (pp. 229-243). London: Psychology Press.

Starkweather, C.W. (2001). Below the surface: Treating the emotional aspects of stuttering. ISAD Online Conference, October, 2001. Avaliable at http://www.mnsu.edu/comdis/isad4/papers/starkweather4.html

Van Riper, C. (1982). The nature of stuttering (2nd ed.). Englewood Cliffs, NJ: Prentice Hall.

Webster, N. (1983). New universal unabridged dictionary (2nd ed.). NY: Simon & Schuster.

Williams, M. (1922). The velveteen rabbit. NY: Double Day & Co.

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http://www.mnsu.edu/comdis/isad4/papers/starkweather4.html

new ideas on the origins of shame in stuttering cindy s. spillers, ph.d. university of minnesota...

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