never too much feeling

8/8/2019 Never Too Much Feeling

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Never too much feelings

ruth lotter



never too much feelings

ruth lotterVienna 2006



6

the best

the best in my life is

that I am with meand no one's allowed to say anything

I feel what I want

I lost my illusions about myself

I laugh at youcause you’re worried about me

I stopped listening to your attemptsto say what to do

I don’t mind your beliefs of

what I should be

I am dancing, laughing, crying just for me

you are so ridiculous with your efforts to say anything

I am with me



7

I dare

I dare to liveto see the best, to see the worstand when I am spread in thousand piecesI grow togetheras a new born child

I become richer and more beautifulbraver and stronger

my life allows me to start againlike a small child who never cares what tomorrow brings

everyone I meetis a hug for a new beginningand it doesn’t matter what the day looks like a new day brings new life

and courage for the next step

it tickles melike the sun on my nosethen I sneeze cause I am so surprisedI blow my nose as loud as I canI dare to live



8

Where am I

how can I leave something on earth when I don’t exist

be the beginningand the end of the world

no forwardno backward

seeI am back again

too weak for the outside worldmy power comes back

but fate strikes me down again

I am alone just not existing

from time to timeI feel me

it's cold around meand my warmth is just enough for me



9

sometimes

sometimes I am so big and so strongno one can do me any harmI can pull up trees withdraw any stormI am so strong

sometimes I am so small and fragilea breath of air is enough

to feel I am not alivelike a flower which is pulled up andfades away

sometimes I feelno questions anymoreand everything is a mysteryit could last for eternity

and be gone yesterday



10

what a misery

it could be so easyanyway it’s so hard you knowthat life is sometimes such a misery

you thinkif you try to be smallsoon everything will be over

and you lean backin your easy chair of everyday lifeand you swing forward and backwardit comforts you and it is so finesun shines and everything is perfect

suddenlya thunderstorm comes and lightning strikes

and you thinkit’s like a rusty nail in your kneeand it starts again your misery when will you stop, you stupid misery why can’t you stop you start again and again, your bloody miseryI look at youit is ok, you annoying miseryI listen to youalthough it’s the last thing I want to do.

Could you come tomorrow?or maybe the day after tomorrow?or next week, you silly misery? you’ve come a hundred times you are more stubborn than I have ever been, youdamned misery.



11

it’s ok, I know you belong to me, you are just mine you never give up and try the most stupid things for me

let’s sit down on the bench of time and we look into the countryand you tell me stories of my lifeand how you see itand you talk to my heart and my mind and my bellyit tickles and confuses me and I don’t know what

you sit next to me

you sleep with meand a day runs by and a month and a year we became friends in the meanwhile, my misery and Ibut I forgot why I call you misery



12

Don’t swallow

oh, yes, I swallowand I don’t mind if you know when you hear what I tell between the linesbecause I tell some fantasiesI was never good in telling stories

But you are the first who listen and hear the swallowthe others didn’t hear

when I opened my mouthand shout out loudand when I cry, they couldn’t stand it. they said, forget itno one was interested in my tears

I was reserved in believing themthat I never opened my mouth

but this isn’t true I was shouting into a dense forestthe word were gone as if they were never said

But I said somethingand I never stopped saying somethinglike a mill which is turning around or evil ghosts werepushing meI couldn’t stop talking it hurtbecause it made no sense



13

I cried into my pillows I don’t know that hurt more the things that happened to me orthat I could say whatever I want

and no one heart it.

finally I cut into my fingers, broke my toes and bumpmy headthis was real and I was comforteda fear remainsthat it won’t be heard the next timean unbelievable fear

if I don’t say anything I won’t be disappointed but I dare, again and again I trybecause I am so courageous, unbelievable corageousalthough it isn’t easy.



14

woman of souls

woman of souls -can't say what that means for meI feel it very softlydefinitely know you can mix it up with vulnerability

woman of souls -

can't sayhow it can be namedit's shivering in meand makes me unbelievably strongalthough you believepain makes me weak

woman of souls -

can't sayif it's mecause I am still learningto feel not only you as I did beforetoo long I was used living that waynow I know that wasn't right

man of souls -can't say what this means just thinkit's part of all of us we need courage to go forwardthan we dare to see our souls



15

what make you believe?

what make you believethat my fragile heart makes me weak? with this fragile heart I can feel mebut also you and all the people I want to feel. with this fragile soul I knowthat others have one too with this fragile life I go forward to youand I know I live.

what make you believethat my open heart makes me weak? with this open heart I allowothers to hurt me. with my open soul I am going to makethat others dare to be more open. with my open life I go forward to you

and I know I live.



16

what make you believethat my warm heart makes me weak? with this warm heart I’ll be touched

‘cause I feel the cold of your heart. with my warm soul I dareto be the hot-water-bottle of your souls with my warm heart I go forward to youand I know I live.

what make you believethat my weakness is not my strength?

with this weakness I knowthat you and I tooare fragile. with my weakness I can cryand also laughthat grasses starts to shiver. with my strengthI go forward to youand I know I live.



17

last year

last year was so exciting

I was alone. suddenly people came into my life. would you have told methat an end will be the beginning of such a beautyI wouldn’t have had that fear

Last year was so excitingsuddenly I got the courage to think of tomorrow would you have told me

that I am able to do more than workingI wouldn’t have had that fear

Last year was so excitingI stopped expecting something and enjoyed today would you have told methat this is not so difficultI wouldn’t have had that fear

Last year was so exciting you appeared and I didn’t know anything would you have told methat life can be so wonderfulI wouldn’t have had that fear

Last year was so excitingI let the old fear behind me would you have told methat I am able to do thatI wouldn’t have had that fear

Last year was so excitingfinally I can feel again that I am livingand whatever you would have told meI wouldn’t have believed

because it had to be me to see it.



18

questions everywhere

can you smell it?things happen in that worldnot only dirt and mud

my helplessness can be stolenI stand here while time is runningfasterand faster

do you still live?are you already dead?or both?or nothing?

how can I answer all your questions when your answers are given

from the very beginning.



19

don't be afraid

fear is always a prison.a prison built in the pastlikes to reign us todayfettering us for tomorrow

pain is always a burden.a burden built in the past we don’t like to look at

there will be the answer for tomorrow

with our fear we can find the key for that answer. with our pain we can find the way to the lock. just open it and you’ll get your courage to find a better lifeto change your reaction for today



20

deeply hurt

deeply hurtI've loved you the way you areI saw the best, I saw the worstI've loved what you might have beenI took the worst and hoped your heart and my love were able to show youlove is the way for a better worldI've been cheated

deeply hurt you loved the way you want me to be you saw just parts you didn't love what I might have been you couldn't see my different partsI am more than just an image you couldn't see all my sides, it hurts

I've been cheated

deeply hurtI see how different people see methey see more and morerecognizing what I amthey laugh with me and see me cry you couldn't bear my tearsnever discovered my laughter you couldn't understandthat I see only one way which knows bothlaughing and cryingI've been cheated, it hurts



21

words

do you remember when I saidthat words mean nothing?

because I need the sound of your voice,the look of your eyesand you when you say something

and nowthe leftoversare words



22

what a fear

do you remember the day

your heart was torn in piecesdevil took your heartpulled it in every direction with unbelievable pain

fear came to your lifebut you didn't like itfear was your enemy,

pulling you down your stomach became a peathere was no air

you tried to hideforbad the fearcouldn't forget the pain just forgot that your fearis sitting next to you

you startedto cut your life into piecesto see all you lovethat she can't put away everything and know when it’ll happen again

this fear belongs to you

you said you can't controlblind to see that she's a part of you you can't switch off like a light

now your fear sits next to you watching youfrom time to time you can feelshe's waiting that you understandthat she's your friend, your fear.



23

far away from home

you told me you feel like a stranger you've forgot that it is you who is like a stranger

I failed to show you you can be at homebut your loneliness prevents an embrace

in the moment I could feela small safety arise you ran away

your loneliness made me freezemy heart became coldI had to go



24

thunderstorm

yesterday I woke updreaming of a night with thunder and lightingthe morning was bright and clearthe sky clean and blue

suddenly I feltI could see with open eyes

what has happened

you stood thereunvarnishedknowing you lost your power you've had for years

now I understand

how strong I wascause I didn't forget who I was in spite of these years

yesterday I woke upand sawthat no one can come againto steal what I am



25

Let me tell you

Let me tell you,I met a man.hearts touched.till now, I feel his embrace. with my feelingsWe dreamed to escape,into nowhere land.In this month we were so close

and nevertheless so far.

There was a fearWe couldn't stand together.I feel your fear.to be hurt,to be disappointed.I feel your fear of your nearness.

Let me tell you,I met a man.Exotic.till now, I feel his hands.I didn't say anything to himWe both dreamed something,something unreal.In these hours we were close

and nevertheless so far.

There was a fear we couldn't stand togetherI smell your fear.to be hurt,to be disappointed.I smell your fear of nearness.



26

Let me tell you,I met a man.

We thought there is something growing.I can still hear his heartbreak.We talkedand didn't say a word.I dreamed about everythingand slept in peace.In these weeks we were so closeand nevertheless so far.

There was a fear we couldn't stand togetherI remember that fear.fear to be hurt,fear to be disappointed.

I remember my fear to fulfill expectationsI know that fear.

fear can tie up your throat,fear doesn't allow new things.fear belongs to your life.this fear,can be the beginningof a new life.



27

oh, love

thinking about love frequentlyignoringlove is everywhere

searchingfor the one and only loveblind for the hundred ways of love

I don't want to arrest my love anymorelove should be around andbe seen with all her faces



28

little stars

with every you,something new is coming into your lifethis new thing is a little starthat grows from the horizonand no one can take it awayonly you can forget your new little star.but you are the master of your sky with all the little stars above.

don't forget with every star your sky will be brighter, beautiful, glowing.go out and collect your stars.clean and polish them. be good to your starsand if one will leavea new one will come. always.the old one will leave his remarks in your heart. your heart will be brighter. beautiful. glowing.

don't forget.it's your life that makes you glow.



29

I can’t hear any words anymore

if I say something

it will be possiblethat someone will come in daysand saybut you’ve said something days ago

oh, I know my clinging to words you’ve said days ago but they were only words after days

but when I feel somethingI know that’s true in that very moment I feel it

I fear the moment when words cling to meunchangeable like a mountain

till half of the mountain slides awayand me in the middle of it

so I don’t say nothing I touch you, I feel you, oh, I can smell youthis is the truth I can bear now

now I am noticing that I get used to you,I want to share the air that you breathbecause it’s so wonderful

I fear I am surfing on a wavethat pulls me downthere’s no air I can breathe anymore

but I learnt somethingI won’t forget anymore

I can surf on this wave and stay above



30

you

you tell me stories and I am listeningthere are stories of laughter and I look into your facefeeling different stories of yours

you look at me and your eyes are askingas I read in your eyes and your handsfeeling different stories of yours

despite the questions I feel you are so closeI don't understand why I trust you so muchtouched by other stories of yours

you lie next to meI can't stop my hands touching youand my hands tell me stories of yours

I don't know what you've made with me

I know you make me laughI see my fear

anyway you are the first who come closeafter eternities



31

thingamajig

the thingamajig with youis the best that could happen to meI couldn't stand anything as a thingamajigI would have to run away if it was something differentI don't know what this thingamajig isbut I know is it let me breath

long ago there was a bang

that struck like lightning and covered me like aavalanchethis bang nearly killed and chocked meimagining a nightmareplaying ball with my bellynot knowing how to breathe

the thingamajig with you

let me forget tomorrow cause it happens todaydon't wait for tomorrowand if it comes I will be happythe art of falling into illusions is forgotteninstead of a bang a thingamajig is herethe day after tomorrow the breathing continues



32

feeling you

I don't know why I know what you needeven when you're not here

I don't know why I know that a step backis a step towards you

I don't know why I knowthat I could cry with you

I don't know why I knowthat our hearts touch

I don't knowif what I knowit's not just castles up in the sky

I don't knowif what I knowa stranger standing in front of me

I don't knowif what I knowis a fear appearing suddenly

I don't knowif who I knowis you.



33

simply said

confusing you?don't think about itI confuse myself all day longbut I am used to it and you're not

if I say somethingit’s said for now only for now

it's no proclamation for eternity

can't promise anythingcause I have no ideahow it’ll be tomorrow and what’ll be said

if I look back

my reactions always differthere’s no pattern which says this will be the result

that's how I am

I only know you are not the only one who takes the riskbut without risk I can't come close without risk there is no love without risk we are dead



34

excitement

it's not restlessnessit's excitementgoing through me when you lie next to me

shiver runsdown my backover my behind to the tips of my toes

so I lieand don't know howbecause it is so beautiful

and my body heats itself from inside out and the other way roundand it's so hot I have to keep distance

sleep can't catch me now

that's the restlessness you're talking aboutmy body is shakingforgetting what it is

but yesterday peace came over me when I lay next to youand your breath showed methat you've fallen asleep

Inside, deepthere was this peace which let me sleep



35

if I could do what I want

I could sit for hours and watchhow you do something

I could sit for days and watchhow you talk to people

I could sit for weeks and watchhow you sleep

I could sit all my life and be gladthat you are alive

I want to sit for hours and feel what you are doing

I want to sit for days and feel

what you talk to people

I want to sit for weeks and feel what you dream

I want to sit all my life and be gladthat you are alive

so I sit here and I am happy



36

embrace

just recently I caught myself with the question what's more beautiful

you lay in my armscompletely silent,breathing deeplyhumming softly

when my fingertips run over your face

or I lay in yoursand my hair is arisenevery part is affected by youlike a lightning going through me

or you lay in my lap

as it would be foreverI look into your faceand don't know anything more

than I am happybecause I don’t have any answers to any questions



37

I am not thinking anymore

looking to the moon yesterdayI stopped thinkingcan’t see you next week, won’t see your smile, stopped thinkingI got used to you.

feeling the sunshine on my skin today,

I definitely knowI am a blessed childand dance through my life.I definitely knowhow much love I get.

seeing the morning star rise five hours agoI certainly believe

yesterday is goneand tomorrow will come.I certainly believeour world is turning around

suddenly I tumble to the Milky WayI am happy nowbecause I met youand I’ll see you again. I am happy now you became part of my life.



38

kiss

morning dawn your lips longing to minetaste the sweetnesscan't stopnever forget just lipsdon't dare moredon't bare more

just a kiss



39

one moment

looking in your eyes more than one secondmake me drunken of the wide wild seatouching your lips more than one secondmakes me fly around the worldmeeting you more than oncemake me unable to forget you in eternityseeing you for the first timelet me forget the time before



40

reduced to survive

blind to see the love I feeldeaf to hear the love I needsweet and bitter taste the love I understand

I try to be smallto need not muchreduced to survive

to feel what I feeldon’t know what it is so new and very very



41

for now and ever ...................................................................... 5

the best ..................................................................................... 6

I dare ........................................................................................ 7Where am I ............................................................................... 8

sometimes................................................................................. 9

what a misery ......................................................................... 10

Don’t swallow ........................................................................ 12

woman of souls ...................................................................... 14

what make you believe? ......................................................... 15

last year .................................................................................. 17

questions everywhere ............................................................. 18

don't be afraid ......................................................................... 19

deeply hurt.............................................................................. 20

words ...................................................................................... 21

what a fear .............................................................................. 22

far away from home ............................................................... 23

thunderstorm .......................................................................... 24

Let me tell you ....................................................................... 25oh, love ................................................................................... 27

little stars ................................................................................ 28

I can’t hear any words anymore ............................................. 29

you .......................................................................................... 30

you .......................................................................................... 30

thingamajig............................................................................. 31

feeling you.............................................................................. 32

simply said ............................................................................. 33excitement .............................................................................. 34

if I could do what I want ........................................................ 35

embrace .................................................................................. 36

I am not thinking anymore ..................................................... 37

kiss ......................................................................................... 38

one moment ............................................................................ 39

reduced to survive .................................................................. 40

never too much feeling

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