Moving Towards a Culture of Respect…

Mary Dallman, LMFT, CEAP, MAC

Respect at Work

© Mary Dallman 2016

Objectives

• What is Workplace Bullying?

• What is Workplace Disrespect?

• What Causes These Behaviors?

• What is the Difference?

• Why Does it Matter?

• What Can be Done?

What do People Want ?

• Equity

• Achievement

• Camaraderie

Howard Schultz says…

“Creating an engaging, respectful, trusting workplace culture is not the result of any one thing. It’s a combination of intent, process, and heart, a trio that must constantly be fine-tuned . . .. At the end of the day I want each person to go home feeling that he or she made a difference.”

Characteristics of Respect

Part 1

• What is Workplace Bullying?

• Why Do People Bully?

• Why Does it Matter?

• What Can Be Done?

Some Terms

• Civility

• Respect

• Bullying

• Mobbing

• Respect Effect

What is Bullying?

Some History

• Hans Leymann…1980, 1990’s

• Andrea Adams…Bullying at Work

• Tim Field….The Field Foundation

• Gary and Ruth Namie…

Workplace Bullying Institute

The Work Doctor

Bullying…

• “The repeated, health-harming mistreatment of a target by one or more cruel perpetrators…

• Driven by the bully’s need for power and control.”

Gary Namie

Bullying is…

• Offensive Conduct

• Repeated Over Time

• Intent to Harm

• Power Imbalance

Bullying is…

• “A Silent Epidemic”

• “Aggression In The Workplace”

• “Psychological Violence”

According to the 2014 Zogby Poll:

27% of workers have been bullied at one time in their life

More Facts…

• Bullying is 4 times more prevalent than illegal forms of “harassment” in the workplace

• Many bullied individuals fail to complain

• IN 62% of the cases where employers were made aware of the bullying the problem got worse or was ignored altogether

People Who Are Bullied Find They. . .

• Are Micromanaged

• Are Isolated/Ignored

• Are Not Given Resources To Do the Job

• Are Given Mundane Tasks

• Are Often Humiliated in Front of Others

Bullying…A Process

• Is Insidious (Incidents Seem Minor In Isolation)

• Happens Over Time

• Creates Confusion on Part of Target

• How Can This Be Happening? Why Me?

According to the 2014 Zogby Poll:

65 million workers are affected by workplace bullying.

56%33%

11%

Top Down Co-workers Bottom Up

People Who Are Bullied Top Down Find…

• Job Expectations are Not Clear

• Given Unachievable Performance Goals

• Subjected to Unwarranted and Unjustified Verbal and Written Warnings

Co-Worker to Co-Worker…

• Excluded from Activities

• Malicious Gossip

• Professional Competency Attacked

• Sabotage

Bottom Up Bullying…

• Unjustified Complaints

• Sabotage

• Malicious Gossip

Bullying Is Not…

• A Personality Conflict

• An Arched Eyebrow

• An “Attitude Problem”

• A “Strong Management Style”

BullyingIS NOT Subject To Mediation

Why Do People Bully?

The Bully

• It’s Always About Power and Control

• Insecure/Inadequate

• Looks for Vulnerability

• Lack Insight About Personal Deficiencies

• Sometimes Narcissistic

• Are Good at “Managing Up”

The Bully…

Social Intelligence…

minus

empathy…

equals

AGGRESSION!

The Target

• Independent

• Competent

• Strong Emotional Intelligence

• Ethical/Sense of Fairness

• Team Player

• Workplace Politics Not a Focus

Why Does It Matter?

Impact on the Target

• Physical• Emotional• Relational• Cognitive• Financial• Occupational

Impact on the Target

• Sense of Safety and Security is Threatened

• Self-Esteem, Sense of Competence is Affected

Impact on the Workplace

• Low Morale/Poor Teamwork

• Decreased Productivity/Impact on Bottom Line

• Increased Grievances

• Increased Absenteeism/Use of Health Benefits

More Workplace Impact

• Higher Rate of Staff Turnover

• Increased Re-Training Costs

• Company Reputation Can Suffer

What Can Be Done?

What Can The Target Do?

• Address Denial…NAME IT• Keep a Diary or Record• Get Support• Identify Resources• Seek Assistance

What Can the Target Do?

Address/Confront…

• Describe the Behavior

• Inform Bully You Will Not Accept Behavior

What Can the Target Do?

• Self –Care Is Important

• Self-Reflection

• Explore Options

Key Phrases…

The Workplace Reacts ...

“It Doesn’t”•Target is Often Treated Like the

“Trouble Maker”•Supports and Promotes the Bully•Management/HR is Unable or

Unwilling to Address•Gets the Target to Leave

What Can the Workplace Do?

• Communicate Clear Expectations of Respectful Behavior

• Recognize/Address Problems Quickly

• Take Action…Investigate/Confront

• Identify Checks and Balances (360)

• Employee Survey/Employee Input

What Can the Workplace Do?

• Develop/Review/Update Policies

• Educate/Increase Awareness

• Create an Internal Well Publicized Means of Reporting and Addressing Problems

How Can You Help?

• As Management

• As Co-Workers

• As Family Members/Friends

Be A Leader

• Show Respect to Everyone

• Communicate Honestly and Directly

• Stand up for what is Right

Bullying

“We Spend Nearly One Third of Our Life Working…

No One Should Have to Suffer Like This in the Workplace.”

A Culture of Respect. . .

Part 2…

• What is Workplace Respect/Disrespect?

• Why Are People Disrespectful?

• What is the Impact?

• What Can Be Done?

Civility Checklist

2016…WHERE ARE WE NOW?

Civility in America

• 2013 Nationwide Survey…

• A “New Normal”

• Incivility Goes to Work

• The Impact of Technology

Respect

• Define Respect…

• The “Concept” of Respect

• The “Respect Effect”

Disrespect:

• To Show or Express Contempt

• Insult or Offend

• Disregard

Disrespectful Behavior

• Gossip

• Blaming

• Talking Loudly

• Complaining

• Taking Supplies

• Taking Credit

• Disregard for Boundaries

Disrespect vs. Bullying…What is the Difference?

Differences…

BULLYING

• Series of insidious behaviors

• Intent to Harm

• Element of Power

• Resulting in Physical or Emotional Illness

DISREPECT

• May be one event

• Without Intent to Harm

• Not Meant to Get Person to Leave

• Not Resulting In Physical or Emotional Illness

Legal Ramifications…

THERE ARE NO LAWS THAT PROHIBIT BULLYING OR INCIVILITY

Why are People Disrespectful?

• Stress at Home or Work

• Mental Health Issues

• Physical Illness

• Poor Communication Skills

• Poor People Skills

• Poor Coping Skills

• Learned Behavior

• Work Culture Supports OR Does Not Address

Why Does It Matter?

Costs to Organization

Cisco… A Study

If 1% of Employees Experienced Incivility…..(490 employees)…

• Lost Time Worrying…

• Weakened Sense of Commitment…

• 59 People Would Change Jobs…

• Loss of 2 Million Dollars a Year!

What Can You Do?

• Address Issues When They Occur • Avoid Assumptions• Seek First to Understand and Then

be Understood• Be Flexible• Commit to a Solution (Resolve and

Move Forward)• Sharpen Your Own Skills

What You Can Do…

• Maintain Self-Confidence and Self-Esteem of Others

• Recognize Strengths (Team Building)

• Recognize a Job Well Done

• APPRECIATE DIFFERENCES

The 12 Rules of Respect~ Paul Meshanko

12 Rules…

Be aware of your non-verbal and extra-verbal cues.

1

12 Rules…

Develop curiosity about the perspectives of others

2

12 Rules…

Assume everyone is smart about something

3

12 Rules…

Become a better listener

4

12 Rules…

Look for opportunities to connect with and support others

5

12 Rules…

When you disagree explain why6

12 Rules…

Look for ideas to grow, stretch and change

7

12 Rules…

Learn to be wrong on occasion8

12 Rules…

Never hesitate to say you are sorry

9

12 Rules…

Intentionally engage other in ways that build their self-esteem

10

12 Rules…

Be respectful of time when making comments

11

12 Rules…

Smile12

Kouzes & Posner

“For what we’ve discovered and rediscovered, is that leadership isn’t the private reserve of a few charismatic men and women. It’s a process ordinary people use when they’re bringing forth the best from themselves and others. Liberate the leader in everyone, and extraordinary things happen.”

REMEMBER THE PLATINUM RULE

REMEMBER THE GOLDEN RULE

Thank You

Questions ???