mondays and other days

Mondays and Other Days

Characters

REILLYCATHY

SAWYERMULHEARN

Setting

An office.

Mondays and Other DaysCopyright © 2004 by William Donnelly

[email protected]

Mondays and Other Days 2

1.

Two desks. A partition—or suggestion of a partition—between. At rise, REILLY isseated, working at a keyboard. In time, CATHY enters, drops her purse, removes hercoat, and sits. She exhales loudly. She picks up her phone and dials.

CATHYHi you’ve reached Cathy Piper of Liberty and Union I’m either away from my desk or onanother line so please leave your name and a brief message and I’ll get back to you as soonas I can. Thank you and have a good—

She presses a button on her phone.

Hi you’ve reached Cathy Piper of Liberty and Union I’m either away from my desk or onanother line so please leave your name and a brief—

She presses a button.

Hi you’ve reached Cathy Piper of Liberty and Union I’m either—

Button.

Hi you’ve reached—

Button.

Hi—

Button.

Hi—

Button.

Hello—

Button.

Good morning—

Button.

Hi you’ve reached Cathy Piper of Liberty and Union I’m either away from my desk or onanother line so please leave your name and a brief message and I’ll get back to you as soon


as I can. Thank you and have a good dog. Day. Thank you. Fuck.

Button.

Hi you’ve reached Cathy Piper of Liberty and Union, please listen to this entire message—

In the next cube, REILLY has stopped working. He stares out.

2.

REILLY is seated, working. CATHY enters, drops her purse, removes her coat, andsits. She exhales loudly. She clicks her mouse. After several clicks, we hear a tinny,repetitive, terribly irritating melody. CATHY laughs. SAWYER walks by. He stopsand watches with CATHY. They both laugh. The melody stops. CATHY clicks and themusic starts again. SAWYER signals to another co-worker. MULHEARN approaches,takes a look, and let’s loose with a long, wheezy laugh that deteriorates intocoughing. SAWYER starts to slap MULHEARN on the back. The song ends andCATHY clicks to start it again. She begins to dance in her chair and her co-workersdance behind her. In the next cube, REILLY has stopped working. He stares out.

3.

REILLY is seated, working. CATHY enters, drops her purse, removes her coat, andsits. She exhales loudly. She clicks her mouse. Her phone rings.

CATHYLiberty and Union this is Cathy.I just got back from lunch—I’m the fattest thing on the planet.I am.I’d have someone shoot me but the bullet probably wouldn’t get through.Ugh, I hate my chair.Hold on a minute.

She fusses with her chair.

Hey, are you going to that thing? Bunch of us are going.I don’t know . . . Lisa, Joe, Kelly . . . that whole department.

Oh, and that friend of Jamie’s who came to Dick’s that time and ralphed in the car andcouldn’t remember how to get back to his house because he usually takes the traineverywhere . . . That guy.

And Jamie and her fucking boyfriend, you should come out.


C’mon.

I’ll buy you something.

A pony. I’ll buy you a fucking drink, what do you mean, “What?” Come on . . . come out.

Why not?

Because your smile lights up a room, you big dyke.

Well, then, I’m going to have to keep asking until you say yes.

Come out.

Come out.

Come out.

Come out.

Come out.

Come out.

Come out.

Come out.

Come out.

Come out.

REILLY has stopped working. The lights go black.

4.

The lights return. REILLY is still staring out.

CATHYCome out.

Come out.

Come out.


Come out.

Come out.

Bitch.

Come out.

5.

REILLY is seated, working. CATHY is clicking her mouse.

CATHYIt’s freezing in here.Who does the thermostat?

I can’t believe it’s Thursday.

I need something sweet.I’ve been good all day.

Someone should go for mochas.Or ice cream.

I could totally eat a half gallon of anything.

I’m a tub.

It’s so quiet in here.Is everybody dead?

We need a little background noise.

She turns on her radio far too loudly. We hear Outkast’s “Hey Ya” or a similarlyinsistent, overexposed pop song.

CATHYOh my God I love this song!!

She starts to sing along, nailing few lyrics beyond the chorus.

Shouldn’t I totally be on the radio? Don’t I have a beautiful voice?

REILLYNO.


You don’t.

You should be on nothing.

Every day.Every day I sit here.Don’t you know?Don’t you recognize that there are other people in the world?

Eight hours a day, I am less than a yard from you. We’re nearly as close as two people mightbe in a king size bed. Has that ever crossed your mind?

That was an actual question.

If you have an illness, please alert me to it so that I may conduct the pertinent research andbetter understand. If you’re physically compelled to be this irritating, obviously, that meritssome latitude, but short of that—

Why would you think that all humans within earshot would want to hear what’s on yourmind? And not just occasionally . . . serially.

“I’m fat.”“I’m tired.”“I’m cold.”“I’m hot.”

For whose benefit are these announcements made?

“I can’t believe it’s Thursday.”

These are things that can remain in your mind.

I have thoughts.I have two or three thoughts nearly every day.And they stay in my head.

I’m telling you this you because I’m not certain you’re aware of that option.

I know more about you than I do my closest confidant.

I know what you eat.I know your television viewing habits.I know your menstrual cycle.

And I’d really rather not.


I . . . am just trying to work . . . to earn a living . . . to trudge through this small, shudderingexistence, until I can one day retire and die. Can I not do that without having to listen to youhowl along to “Hey Ya” when it would appear that you only know one-eighth of the lyrics?

I don’t consider myself a demonstrative person. I think I’m rather tolerant. But you . . .without hyperbole . . . are killing me.

Your actions are actually, actively killing me.

I’m just sorry it had to come out in this . . . diarrhetic manner.

CATHYI didn’t know you felt that way.

REILLYWell . . .

CATHYI was actually thinking about asking you out.

REILLYOh.

In that case . . .

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