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Feelingoverwhelmed?by Mindy Mateuszczyk

It all started with the words, “Mommy, I hadan accident.” In the midst of shuffling Andrew’sbed sheets to the laundry, Emma announcedher presence with her trademark bellow.With atoddler on my hip, I returned to the task ofbathing Andrew who was holding court with thebath toys and what used to be a full bottle ofbubble soap –but now in its bubbly form threat-ened to spill over the edge of the tub.

In the middle of Andrew’s pirate quest to findtreasure, the phone rings, so I yank him out ofthe tub, white soapy beard dripping, and wraphim in a towel. Shuttling both kids to anotherroom, I search for the phone.Three cordlessphones and not one of them are on a receiver.Normally I would just let it ring but I’m expect-ing an important call.

I’ll have to check caller I.D. later since I

notice the time and realize I’m running 20 min-utes late already. It’s only Monday and the vow Imade to myself to make homemade breakfastsall week is shattered as I search the cabinets invain for something that will pass as a whole-some breakfast for a kindergartener. Puddingsuddenly seems like a winner with its combinedproperties of dairy and chocolate. Milk, it does abody good, right?

I manage to get Emma’s diaper changed andput her in a new outfit but I can’t find her shoesanywhere. Andrew can’t find his either. In themiddle of the great shoe hunt, he produces afield trip permission slip that was due Fridayand begins to cry. I reassure him that if we sendit in with the money today that I’m sure he willstill be able to go on the trip. I begin to searchfor the checkbook when I hear Emma at thewindow, “Wheels on the bus go round and

round…”As I turn around she’s waving bye-bye to

Andrew’s school bus steaming down the road,without him on it. He begins to cry harder; fran-tic he’s going to be late for school. I momentarilywish he was a teenager, all too happy to be lateto school. I add searching for the car keys andmy own shoes to the morning’s scavenger hunt.Several minutes and a rocketing stress levellater, I somehow find everything I’m looking for,and usher the kids out the door with, “Hurry upor we’re going to be late.”These are words a 2-year-old does not understand. I pick up Emmato speed up the process and in doing so, musthave grabbed her a little too hard because shestarts crying.Trying to buckle a crying toddlerinto their car seat is about as pleasant as a rootcanal when the Novocain has worn off.

I pull into the school parking lot in the nickof time. I uncross my fingers and breathe a sighof relief that the cop I passed on the way therehad mercy on me even though I was going justa bit too fast.

Harrowed and exhausted, we make the trekto the school door. I look down and realize myunpedicured feet are in dog-chewed flip flops,my hair is falling out of its makeshift ponytailand I’m still wearing my Mickey Mouse sweats(read: pajama pants).Thank goodness Emma ishappy to be held since she is masking whatwould otherwise be the very obvious faux pas offorgetting to put on a bra before I braved goingout in public.With that thought, I look back upand turn my make-up free face into the shiningsun.Wait, that wasn’t the sun… turns out it wasthe sparkle of diamond earrings on the lobes of

the PTO president’s ears.“And how are you this glorious morning?”

She asked me with her pearly white smile. Did Ieven brush my teeth yet? I can’t remember.

Standing there, we must have looked like thebefore and after models of a makeover. Sadly, Iam the before picture, Pathetic Betty.The prob-lem is I almost never seem to shift out of thatmode. It’s only 9 a.m. and I feel like I’ve foughtWorld War III and know I will return to a housethat has the remnants of battle shredded allover it. Meanwhile, Mrs. Perfect PTO Mom is allput-together in her tailored pin-striped businesssuit, updo and matching diamond earrings.Whathas happened to me? How can some parentsstill manage to keep it together while others, likeme, feel like they are always about to go downwith the ship? If only I could get organized onceand for all. But I feel so overwhelmed, where doI start?

Do you see yourself in this mother’sjournal entry? Whether a Pathetic Betty, aPerfect PTO Mom or somewhere inbetween, most parents have felt over-whelmed by the additional responsibilitiesthat parenthood brings; not to mention howsomeone so small can so innocently derailthe best laid plans.

“Disorganization causes an enormousamount of stress,” said Robbie Deering,owner of Balance Your Life, LLC.“You sit andthink, ‘I have this mess I need to deal with it’and get overwhelmed.”

ORGANIZED:TO PAGE 10

Before

After

Get over it and getorganized

4 MinnKids – September 2010 – www.mnkids.com In the Community, With the Community, For the Community

by Meghan GutzwillerNot too many things are more nerve-

wracking for parents than putting their childinto a new childcare arrangement.There’s alot to consider and a lot at stake, since manychildren of working parents spend more wak-ing hours with their childcare provider thanat home during the weekday.

Every family deserves high quality child-care that they can depend on to be safe andenjoyable, whether it’s in your own home, ata home-based daycare or center-based care.

The ratio of childcare providers to chil-dren is an important factor to consider soyou can feel confident that your child is get-ting enough one-on-one time and attentionfrom their caregiver.

According to Minnesota’s child care licens-ing agency, the ratios of staff members tochildren in center-based care are as follows:one caregiver for every four infants (12months and under), one for every seven tod-

dlers (12-30 months), one for every 10 pre-school age children and one for every 15school age children.

Family-based care’s ratios are not as cutand dried, with Minnesota allowing for sevendifferent ratio classes depending on the num-ber of various age groups.When you visit,check to see that there is enough space forall the children to move and play freely andthat they seem to have adequate supervisionand interaction time with caregivers.

“The bottom line is the relationshipbetween the caregiver and the children,” saidElizabeth Cooper of Minnesota ChildcareResource and Referral Network, an organiza-tion that helps families find childcare andunderstand their options.“Wherever they arecared for, nurturing care really means every-thing to kids.” In addition to their expertiseand affection for working with children,providers should also have the proper safetyknowledge, such as CPR and SIDS training.

In regards to the physical environment,safety and cleanliness also deserve top con-sideration when you are checking out achildcare option outside of your own home.Is there a designated diapering area with allthe necessary equipment at arm’s reach,including disposable gloves and sanitizingspray for the changing surface? Are the toysdisinfected regularly and do they appearunbroken, clean and include plenty of age-appropriate options for your child? Otherthings to check for include outlet covers,smoke detectors, fire extinguishers and afire escape plan. Make sure that heavyobjects such as televisions or high shelving issecured so it cannot topple on a child.

If you have found an organized childcareprovider you will likely receive a variety offorms when signing your child up for care.One of the most important ones to notefrom a safety standpoint is the pick-up poli-cy.The child should never be allowed to

leave with someone other than a parentunless the parent has given a written notestating otherwise.The provider should checktheir identification before allowing yourchild to leave the premises.

Why should you decline a potential child-care option? Cooper said that if theprovider doesn’t have an open-door policywhere parents can drop in at any time, keeplooking.

“Choosing childcare is a complex set ofchoices,” Cooper said. “There’s no perfectchildcare setting for every child, but there isa perfect childcare setting for your child.”

What doeshigh qualitychildcarelook like?

Childcarearound

the worldFRANCE was one of the first

countries to create an extensivechildcare infrastructure, includ-ing many state-run facilities.TheFrench government heavily sub-sidizes childcare.

In JAPAN, lack of accessibilityto childcare forces many newmothers out of the workforce.Childcare is becoming increas-ingly privatized to help remedythe country’s shortage ofproviders.

GERMANY is noted for hav-ing one of the most difficultchildcare situations in Europe.Arecent survey by Germany’sCenter of Excellence forWomen in Science suggestedthat more than 40 percent ofacademic women choose not tohave children and many othersleave their professions uponbecoming mothers.

MEXICO has one of themost gruesome childcare head-lines in recent history, when 35children were killed in a child-care center fire last June. Thecenter had only one functioningexit and six staff members tosupervise 142 children, a ratio inkeeping with legal standards.

Minnesota Kids is a publication of SunNewspapers, 10917 Valley View Road,

Eden Prairie, MN 55344 minnkids.com

Executive Editor: Peggy Bakken

Sales Manager: Nathen Bliss

Group Publisher: Jeff Coolman

Staff Writers: Mindy Mateuszczyk,

Meghan Gutzwiller, Teri Willenbring

Cover Design: Elli Martin

In the Community, With the Community, For the Community www.mnkids.com – September 2010 – MNKids 5

by Mindy MateuszczykThe day after Labor Day is marked on almost

every Minnesota family’s calendar with school-aged children. It’s the day thousands of studentsfiled into classrooms, many of them overcrowd-ed; ready to start another year of school.Meanwhile, the three Balmanno children fromElk River will pile into their car and head south.

The post-Labor Day road trip is a tradition theBalmanno family began to celebrate Not-Back-To-School.Beth Balmanno,president of MinnesotaHomeschoolers Alliance (MHA), likes to combinecelebrating the freedom and flexibility that home-schooling has infused in her family’s life along withtravel bargains that are sure to be had after schoolis back in session. Last year the Balmannos trav-eled the west.This year they plan to make it toDallas,Texas.But Beth doesn’t worry about plan-ning out a strict itinerary for their trip.

“Part of the fun of a road trip is finding thosethings you don’t plan,” she said.“When you havetime to be flexible and to explore, some of thebest things are the unexpected things.That’s trueof homeschooling too.”

Although she has been known to follow a struc-tured curriculum and participate in radical unschool-

ing methods,nowadays Beth considers herself a clas-sic homeschooling parent blending the two philoso-phies into what works best for her family.

Balmanno first got into homeschooling 7years ago because of the multiple transitions herkindergarten-bound daughter would undergomoving from school to school over the followingthree years thanks to explosive growth in thearea they lived in Virginia.

“Although some people do, I don’t home-school for religious reasons or philosophical rea-sons; I just choose to do it because we like to betogether, to learn together and to travel.Allthose things are so much easier without outsideschedules,” said Beth.

She had so much fun the first year, she hascontinued homeschooling.Today, she is the pri-mary educator for her three children, Hayley, 11;Nick, 9 and Julia, 4.

The MHA is 400-member statewide organi-zation that provides support for homeschoolersand their parents.

“Being connected to other homeschoolers isa lifeline both for home educators and for kids,”said Beth.“There’s a huge misconception thatkids don’t socialize, but we have plenty of oppor-

tunities for that from park days to co-op learningclasses and other activities.”

Beth’s children don’t have to wait in longlunch lines or raise their hand to get permissionfor a bathroom break, but they do participate inschool supplies and clothes shopping.

“It’s so much cheaper to buy school suppliesat this time of year and by nature with the

change of seasons we go out and buy fall andwinter clothes,” she said.

Just as the Balmannos hit the road for a Not-Back-To-School road trip, she says many home-school families participate in a daylong Not-Back-To-School picnic in a local park.

For thousands of students, it’s timeto for ‘back-to-(home)-school’

HOMESCHOOL:TO PAGE 8

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6 MinnKids – September 2010 – www.mnkids.com In the Community, With the Community, For the Community

Noah Gruber, left, enjoys backstage life with Angie Ramsdell (right), ofDayton and Arie Cohen (center), of Minnetonka. The trio appeared inthe Cross Community Players production of Willy Wonka at OsseoSenior High School this past summer. (Photo by Mindy Mateuszczyk)

Home school,online classesoffer flexibility,greater challengefor local teen

Noah Gruber, 14, of Maple Grove, hasbeen home schooled since 1st grade. Hestarted 9th grade this fall. For the past 5years he has taken classes throughConnections Academy, another onlineschool available for Minnesota students.

In addition to regular core classes he’sstudied Spanish, computer programming andis starting a photography class all online.These are choices that wouldn’t have beenavailable to him in the public school at thetime he studied them online.

“It’s nice because if you need help thereare online teachers whenever you needthem,” he said.

Even though he doesn’t go back to anactual classroom in a building with newfriends, he says he still goes shopping fornew clothes and school supplies because heneeds them anyway.

“I like being home schooled because Ican do more challenging things,” Grubersaid.“I don’t have to wait for other kidswhen I want to do something else.”

As for his social life, Gruber is active incommunity theater and the 4-H Dog Bowl,a big competition about dog trivia.Throughhis extracurricular activities, he has met “aton of friends.”

Gruber has friends of all ages from allover the metro. He and another friend fromBlaine have started writing scripts anddirecting short films together.They havegotten a lot of their friends in on the act.

by Mindy MateuszczykGetting kids ready for another year of

school involves a lot of shopping. There’sshopping for clothes, shopping for lunchbox items, shopping for school suppliesand even shopping for extracurricularactivities.

From sports leagues to art classes,Lego leagues and foreign language studies,the vast array of after school opportuni-ties for youth is overwhelming. It can beeasy to get carried away with over sched-uling, especially if there’s an element of“keeping up with the Joneses” added tothe mix.

Licensed Psychologist CatherineMollner, who works with St. Paul’sMidwest Center of Personal and FamilyDevelopment, offers key insight in takingthe stress out of after school schedule.

“It’s important to ask ourselves, ‘Arewe living vicariously through our kids?’”Mollner said. She suggests parents take astep back and evaluate who is driving theexperience, particularly if there is anemotional connection for one of the par-ents. For example, if a father who playedfootball all his life signs his son up to play,it’s important to watch the child’s cues. Isthe child excited to play? Does he getready without complaining? Or is he hesi-tant and sullen?

With so many more opportunitiesnow than ever before, some parents may

After the bellrings… managingthe mayhem ofextracurricularactivities

MAYHEM:TO PAGE 9

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by Teri WillenbringButterflies in the stomach, sleepless

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“It’s a celebration, the park is empty and it’syours and your kids are out celebrating whileother kids are in school,” said Balmanno. Buthomeschooling isn’t all merry-go-rounds and pic-nics in the park.

“Homeschooled children don’t have to take

the MCAs but they must take a standardized testevery year,” Beth said.Most students in Minnesotaeither take the CAT,California Achievement Testor the Peabody.The CAT is sent to the home,parent-administered and returned to be graded bya testing service.Beth says the Peabody is hugelypopular and administered by a certified Peabodytester. It is an oral interview of knowledge wherethe tester determines on a sliding scale the stu-dent’s achievement level.

In the past few years, a new education optionhas begun growing in popularity. It’s an optionBeth says is a wonderful transitional zone formany families looking for an alternative to bricksand mortar schools but aren’t quite confidentenough to leap into homeschooling.

DING! YOU’VE GOT SCHOOLMore than 5,000 students in Minnesota have

traded in bus rides to a brick and mortar schoolfor the couch and a laptop. Online schools havepopped up all over the city, many are affiliatedwith school districts.

In Minnesota, there are close to a dozenonline school options. Some schools cater strict-ly to high school students while others offerclasses as young as Kindergarten.

Just as Beth says online school curriculumsoffer a transitional opportunity for new home-schoolers, John Huber, principal of Insight School

of Minnesota says higher level homeschoolersare a significant part of the student populationtransitioning to online schools.

Insight is an online high school in its thirdyear of operation in Minnesota. It’s affiliated withthe Brooklyn Center School District.With anadditional 18 years of experience in the bricksand mortar schools of Osseo School DistrictHuber says online schools fill a gap.

“It’s an option for students who for manyreasons, find the traditional school setting does-n’t work for them,” he says. Many students com-ment they are looking for more one-on-oneattention from their teachers or just don’t meshwell with the structure in the traditional schoolsetting. Some prefer working at their own pace,which is difficult to achieve while learning in atraditional classrooms. Other students may havejobs, are teen moms or simply want to partici-pate in courses they might otherwise not be ableto with at their neighborhood school if it isovercrowded. Students also have the option towork a little bit every day on all their subjects orto focus on one or two subjects at a time beforemoving onto the next one or two.As long as allthe coursework is completed by the semesterdeadline Huber says it doesn’t matter how stu-dents choose to work on it.

Also, learning the material becomes a biggerfactor for online schooling.The next unit isn’tunlocked to the student until they demonstrateproficiency on the test for the current unit.

“In a regular classroom, a student might fail aunit test but the class as a whole will continue tomove forward,” Huber says.The failing studentwill continue to struggle to keep up and it couldhave a snowball effect on their grades.

“The most important factor in determining ifa student will be successful in an online school isif they can work independently and are self-moti-vated,” Huber said.“The curriculum is laid outfor students to learn at their own pace.They areguided by a licensed teacher along the way withregular lessons and the ability to communicatewith teachers on a regular basis.”

But if a student is simply looking for an easierroute to a diploma, Huber says they won’t findthat with an online curriculum.

“Students will spend about as much timewith the online curriculum as in a traditionalschool setting,” he says.“The difference is onlineschool is more flexible.”

Huber encourages students to pick a timethat fits into their schedule and plan it in everyday so they don’t fall behind. For some studentsthe time they choose is much different thanwhat is offered in a traditional classroom.

“We have 5% of our students working onschool from 11 p.m. to 3 a.m.,” Huber says. Sinceteachers set their hours based on their ownschedules some are actually available to studentsduring those middle of the night study sessions.

Like most online schools, Insight provides thenecessary materials for students to completetheir course work.A laptop, printer and otheritems are offered. Students taking a photographyclass will be loaned a camera just as studentsparticipating in chemistry will be supplied withthe appropriate lab equipment to conduct theexperiments specified on the curriculum.

More interactive classes such as band, choir,theater and some art classes are a challenge foronline schools to offer. In those cases, studentsare free to participate in those classes as theyare available in their neighborhood bricks andmortar schools.They can also seek out manyorganizations that offer extra curricular activitiesto match their interests, although this optioncould require additional financing.

Admittedly, Huber believes online school isn’tnecessarily for everyone but it could be a greatmatch for even more students than participate init currently. Insight provides education to 450students in four grades.

“There’s a fear the curriculum won’t be onpar with the level offered at a brick and mortarschool,” Huber says.“But after coming out ofthat environment for 18 years, I’m impressedwith the rigor we offer.”

Families are also hesitant about the socialaspects of online learning. But just as homeschoolparent Beth says,Huber doesn’t believe onlinelearners have a more restricted social life.Thereare plenty of options for socializing both in andout of the school setting.One thing Huber offersfor Insight students is several field trips through-out the year that double as social events.

8 MinnKids – September 2010 – www.mnkids.com In the Community, With the Community, For the Community

FROM PAGE 5

Homeschool Thinking about online school?Insight School of Minnesota Principal

John Huber offers a checklist for parentsand students considering online schoolcurriculums:1. Does it meet your needs?2. Know the school’s expectations. Someschools require students to participate ata specific time every day. Others providemore flexibility.3.What are the options, the amount ofcoursework and the types of coursesavailable? 4.What is the school’s reputation forcommunication with the family? Huberstrives to offer plentiful communicationopportunities both with the student andthe student’s family.When consideringonline schools, be sure to find out aboutthe school’s tech support, teacher supportand other types of communication. Forexample, if there has been an absencefrom a student logging on, Insight studentswill receive reminder emails as will par-ents if an unexplained absence persists.

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push their children into activities theywish they could have tried when theywere younger. Mollner says it’s importantto keep in mind what the child’s interestsare and to watch for signs that they areenjoying the activities they are participat-ing in.

While the common ice breaker ques-tion in the adult world is, “What do youdo for a living?” in parenting circles thatquestion is often, “What does little Johnnydo after school?”

Some parents respond with a list ofactivities that would exhaust even LanceArmstrong. Mollner urges parents toresist filling up all their children’s timewith organized activities.

How can a parent tell if their child isoverscheduled? Mollner answers this firstby saying, “if it looks difficult on paper, itwill be even more difficult in reality.”

She reminds parents to be sure toschedule in time for the unexpected, par-ticularly when dealing with children andtraffic. Other signs of the overscheduledchild include fatigue, hunger and crabbi-ness. Alternately, a child who is over-whelmed may react by having troublesleeping or overeating to compensate forthe stress they are feeling. Slipping gradesis another clue that should alert parentsthat after school activities should be re-evaluated.

“Family time is important too,” shesaid. In addition to the scheduling night-mare, the cost can quickly become prohib-itive. Mollner says over time, the stress oftoo little time or too much cost probablywon’t outweigh the benefit gained fromany specific activity.

On the other hand, parents who arefaced with children begging to participatein an activity but struggle to find themoney to fund the venture shouldn’t giveup so easily. If the activity fits into theschedule, Mollner encourages parents toseek out scholarship opportunities and totalk to activity organizers to see if theycan work out a feasible payment plan.

“In a circumstance like this, parentsmay want to ask themselves, ‘Why am I soworried about disappointing my child?’”said Mollner. She suggests parents areoften scared to disappoint their child orfear their child won’t be as prepared fortheir future if they don’t give them everypossible opportunity available now.

Instead, Mollner believes parentsshould ask themselves what costs they arenot seeing on the surface. How much ben-efit is there from family time or free timeto explore and discover on one’s own.

Some activities such as dance can befound at various levels and price ranges.Maybe the solution is to forgo a privatedance studio and take lessons throughlocal community education programs.

Schools, churches, parenting groups,online searches and advertisements inmagazines and newspapers are primarysources when looking for all the optionsavailable. Word-of-mouth remains one ofthe most reliable sources when judging aprogram’s quality.

“We are a product of our experiencesand extracurricular activities definitelyhave redeeming value,” Mollner said. “Butit’s important to calculate in time and costfactors. Also don’t underestimate theimportance of parent involvement in achild’s life.”

There are plenty of activities that par-ent and child can participate in togetherthat will enrich a child’s life. A parent needonly look at their own hobbies for astarting point. Perhaps a mother wholoves to bake can teach her child specialfamily recipes. Although Andrew Schuster,8, of Rogers, participates in a handful ofsports throughout the year, one of hisfavorite activities is spending time on theboat with his dad fishing and listening toTwins games on the radio.

(Editor’s Note: Catherine Mollner hasnearly 20 years of experience as a licensedpsychologist and serves families all over themetro including individuals from Anoka,Woodbury, Edina and Burnsville.)

FROM PAGE 6

MayhemFrom sports leagues to

art classes, Lego leagues andforeign language studies, thevast array of after schoolopportunities for youth isoverwhelming. It can be easyto get carried away withover scheduling, especially ifthere’s an element of “keep-ing up with the Joneses”added to the mix.

Influenza is a serious respiratory ill-ness that is easily spread and can leadto severe complications, even death, foryou or someone with whom you comein contact. Each year in the U.S., onaverage, influenza and its related compli-cations result in approximately 226,000hospitalizations and 36,000 deaths.

We all are “faces” of influenza andare at risk of contracting the virus.Thisyear, the Centers for Disease Controland Prevention (CDC) issued a univer-sal influenza vaccination recommenda-tion to include everyone 6 months ofage and older.The new recommenda-tion reinforces annual influenza vaccina-tion as a public health priority and high-lights the need for people to talk totheir health care provider about gettingimmunized this season.

To help prevent influenza fromspreading and to encourage influenzaimmunization,American LungAssociation of Minnesota brings Facesof Influenza, a national educational cam-paign, to Minnesota.This multiyear pub-lic awareness initiative helps Americansput a “face” on this serious disease andrecognize annual influenza immunizationas an important preventive measure tohelp protect themselves, their loved

ones and their community every year.Vaccination is important for every-

one in the U.S. However, influenzaimmunization rates in the highest-riskgroups fall far short of public healthgoals every year.

Groups at higher risk of influenzainfection or complications include: peo-ple 50 years of age and older; children6 months-18 years of age; pregnantwomen; people of any age with certainchronic medical conditions, such asasthma, chronic obstructive pulmonarydisease (COPD), heart disease, dia-betes, and others; and residents oflong-term care facilities and nursinghomes.Annual immunization is also rec-ommended for caregivers and house-hold contacts of these high-risk groups,such as relatives and health careproviders.

This year, the seasonal influenza vac-cine will include the 2009 pandemicH1N1 strain, so only the seasonalinfluenza vaccine will be needed.Vaccination is safe and effective, and thebest way to help prevent influenza andits complications.

For more information about influen-za and immunization, visit www.face-sofinfluenza.org.

Keep yourentire familyhealthy thisseason – getvaccinatedagainstinfluenza

10 MinnKids – September 2010 – www.mnkids.com In the Community, With the Community, For the Community

After more than a decade working inadministration where she spent countlesshours creating organizational systems forbusinesses, Robbie Deering, of Minneapolis,has moved into helping families. In March21010, she began her organizing and lifecoaching business. Clients often tell her theywill walk into a room, look at it, don’t evenknow where to start and just walk away.

“For some people it can consume a lot oftime in their lives, not only constantly look-ing for things you can’t find but just thinkingabout it and having it looming over you.”

Fall is the season of transitions; a timewhen leaves begin to turn color and theworld prepares itself to hunker down for along winter, at least here in Minnesota. It’s atime when children develop new routines asthey head back to school.What better timeis there to turn a new leaf of your own andgrab the reins of a runaway house and get itback under control?

Diana Allred, owner of Efficient Spaces inWayzata, encounters people all over theorganization spectrum every day.Allred is anorganization professional who helps others,especially parents, maximize their time andspace. She is a mother of a 3 and 5-year-oldherself, so she understands the demands ofmotherhood.

“This time of year is a perfect time to gothrough closets, mud room, papers, whatdon’t we need any longer,” said Allred. “Onceyou purge things out, you are more inclinedto bring things in with less stress.”

For some, the space that needs the mostwork is the space between a person’s ears.Allred says a big part of organizing your lifeand your house is about letting go. She saysone big thing people have to let go of is theguilt.That guilt could be over the way thingslook now, the way things used to look oreven the inability to achieve an impossiblestandard of perfection.

“Being organized is not so much aboutperfection. Our society has somehow con-vinced ourselves if we can’t do it exactlyright don’t bother at all.That’s not true,” saidAllred. “There’s a mindset that the kids aregoing to mess it up anyway so why bother atall? At least get it done, even if it’s an 80/20rule.”

Finally, making up your mind to be organ-ized is much like making up your mind to eatwell and exercise. It takes willpower and abelief that the benefits are worth the effort.

Once in the right mindset, how does one

go about tackling the tangible aspects oforganization?

MAKE A PLANDeering looks at her job working with a

client as more than organizing the rooms intheir house. “It’s not just organizing people’sstuff but helping them find something thatfits for them,” said Deering. She says peoplecan get caught up in what they’ve seen otherpeople do or what the traditional expecta-tion is for a space.

“It’s more important to ask yourself, ‘Howdoes this space function for you?’”

Deering is a believer in looking at how afamily already uses the space in their homeand trying to fit together their routines tothat current use. For example, if mom paintsher nails in the kitchen, put the nail stuff in akitchen cupboard. It is more likely to get putaway in its appropriate spot if that spot isnearby than sitting on the counter clutteringit up because the stuff ’s home is upstairs.

Another way clutter sneaks up on peopleis not having a place for everything thatcomes into the house.

“Maybe your children’s school stuff is allover the house because there isn’t one spe-cific place for all of it to go,” says Deering.She suggests creating a homework station soeverything has a place.

For busy families it’s important to try tosubscribe to the “touch it once” philosophy.When papers come home from school, ifthere’s a station set up with a calendar andmom’s checkbook in hand, it’s easier to dealwith the field trip slips and lunch moneynotices right away versus setting them asidefor later and losing them.

“This is a biggie for mail and paper. If youdon’t have a set home for them, they all getmerged together and you end up not beingable to find any of it when you need it,” saysAllred.

At this point, it’s important to think abouthow to downsize also.Allred says it’s crucialto be realistic about the space available andwhat to keep or throw away.This is the timeto get tough and get creative.

Perhaps online bill pay will help with thepaper monster. Shopping at bulk stores cansave money but when it comes at the cost ofhaving your countertop full of monster sizedcheese ball containers leaving no room formeal preparation, is it worth the cost?

PREPARE TO PURGEWhen is comes to organizing,Allred sub-

scribes to the acronym SPACE. Sort. Purge.Arrange. Containerize. Edit.

“A lot of people decide they are going toget organized and go out and buy a bunch ofcontainers,” Allred says. “They wonder whythey have trouble following through. But

there’s an order to it.”She says you can’t purge without knowing

what you have first.That’s where sortingcomes into play.

“You can’t arrange until you’ve purgedand you can’t buy containers until you knowwhat’s going to be contained in them,” shesays. “Finally, you edit your area on a regularbasis so you don’t have to do the wholeacronym all over again.”

Allred and Deering have seen clients hungup on their emotional attachment to stuffwhich can get in the way of purging.

A significant struggle with emotionalattachment is a sign that a professionalorganizer could be very helpful.

“We don’t have the history behind theitem,” Allred says. “We’re allowed to be a lit-tle more objective, honest and forthright.”

It can be difficult to think of puttingsomething still useful in the trash.

“It’s amazing how many resources thereare to recycle things,” says Allred. “So manythings can be done with so many items. I tryto help my clients get into the mindset thatthey are doing something better for otherhuman beings, their environment and com-munity. It seems to help with letting go.”

Deering says it shocks some people tofind she sold her wedding dress.

“But the dress doesn’t keep the memo-ries,” she says. “I have pictures of thosememories and the dress looks way better inthe pictures than hanging in the closet.”

She tells clients getting rid of items does-n’t mean you lose the memories.

“But if it’s not fitting in your space, it’sokay to let go of that thing,” she says.

Allred tells her clients to ask themselvesthese questions when purging:

Do I LOVE it?Do I NEED it?Do I USE it?Will I use it in the next 6 MONTHS?Can I DONATE it or give it to someone

who will appreciate it more?Is it REPLACEABLE from an economic

standpoint?The last question can be helpful when a

client is wavering about a particular item. Italso helps some people to realize that if theyfind they really need an item that they threwaway, they can replace it. Of all the extra sta-plers, measuring cups and black t-shirts thattake up space on desks, in closets or oncounters most do not end up being replaced.

BABY STEPSA common mistake for some people is

getting a motivational burst to dive in andmake sense of the mess once and for all.

“Often what ends up happening is theydig in, make a huge mess and burn out

before finishing,” says Allred. “Then they canactually be worse off than when they startedin the first place.”

Allred reminds clients the disorganizationin their homes didn’t happen overnight, so itwill take time to dig out from under it.

“You don’t have to spend three 8-hourdays cleaning out the basement,” she says.“Instead, break it into smaller chunks.”

Plan to spend 20 minutes a day, set atimer and when it goes off, be done for theday.

“Don’t get so burdened that you getoverwhelmed and begin hating the job.”

It’s also easier to stay motivated if you setsmall goals and achieve them regularly versusliving in a space that’s been torn apart.

DEVELOP A ROUTINEAllred and Deering, as well as most pro-

fessional organizers, believe in developing aroutine to deal with your stuff. But Deeringsays developing a routine is not just aboutfinding time to file your paperwork.

“When you walk in the door, where doyou set your things? Where do your childrendrop their school bags?” She asks clients.“Find out the spaces where things getdropped along the way into the house.Manage that right away when you come in.”

This goes back to her philosophy of find-ing homes for items where they are mostused.

“Make it easy so you don’t have to thinkabout it,” Deering suggests.

Allred says if a regular routine includesediting items out of your home on a regularbasis, it’s not so overwhelming as it is toleave it for just a few times a year.

Allred encourages clients to pad theirtime when setting up a routine.

“We are always rushing from one thing tothe next, but we if slow down and build in alonger estimation of how much time some-thing takes, an unexpected delay won’t throwthings off so badly,” she says.

A FAMILY AFFAIRDeering loved doing dishes when she was

little. She’s not sure what her mom’s secretwas but she thinks it has a lot to do withher mom getting right down beside her andhelping her, teaching her how to do certainchores.

“It wasn’t mom telling me, ‘Go clean yourroom.’ Instead it was, ‘Let’s do it together.’ Itmade it more fun and I was spending timewith my mom,” explains Deering. “Don’t doeverything for them but don’t necessarilymake them do it all by themselves, especiallywhen they are younger.”

Both women believe family buy-in and

FROM PAGE 3

Organized

ORGANIZED:TO PAGE 11

In the Community, With the Community, For the Community www.mnkids.com – September 2010 – MNKids 11

delegating chores to all family members,including the kids, is valuable. It’s alwaysgoing to be a game of playing catch-up ifone person is trying to manage the messesproduced by a family of four or more.Atsome point, there’s just not enough time forone person to do it all. Deering believesasking children to participate in the house-hold chores builds good life skills.

“It teaches responsibility and holds themaccountable,” says Deering. “Those areimportant qualities for life.”

She believes that is the most importantbenefit families can get out of any efforts toorganize, a little more peace and a lot moresmiles all around.

“Most people want to come home andfeel relief and relaxed not tired and exhaust-ed,” said Deering. “When I help a client getorganized, they start recognizing those feel-ings and realize this is what I really need todo.”

FROM PAGE 10

Organizedover 14 years.

“Teaching your kids to be independ-ent and self-reliant is paramount,” shesaid.

What it comes down to, she said, isthat parents must stress self-sufficiency,though of course at different levels.

For example, Carson said, childrenshould be able to tie their own shoesand go to the bathroom themselvesbefore entering kindergarten.

“Some children are so coddled beforethey start elementary school that theyexpect teachers to treat them the sameway,” she said.

For those going into the higher levelsof school, parents often think that is thetime to give them more space. Theycouldn’t be further from the truth.

As kids move to middle school, theyusually go from having one or two teach-ers to having several. Responsibility at

that juncture, Carson said, means beingable to have communication skills to askquestions if they don’t understand some-thing.

“If students have difficulty with a par-ticular subject or problem, they need tospeak up and ask questions,” Carsonsaid. “Teachers are not going to alwaysask if each individual student under-stands something.”

When transitioning to high school,independence comes in a stronger way.

“Students need to be self-advocatesand be proactive in their own learning,”Carson said.

This includes, she said, finding theirway around a new, and often larger,building as well as setting up meetingswith counselors about their goals whilein high school – and beyond.

But being self-reliant is only half theequation – students also need self-confi-dence. “Students who are more socialdefinitely have an easier time transition-ing into different school levels,” TammyPeterson, a 10-year educator with theMinneapolis school district said.

In addition, Peterson said, especiallyfor kids entering middle school and highschool, being involved in sports andschool activities is important.

“Having a support system made up ofkids with the same interests helps kidsshape their identity and feel comfortablein school,” she said.

Of course, it’s sometimes easier whenan older sibling has already gone throughgrade level changes, such as LisaAnonen’s kids, Jake, 9, and Mitch, 7, whoare enrolled in the Wayzata school dis-trict.

“The best thing I ever did for my sonwas to bring him to his older brother’sschool ever since he was young,”Anonen said. “Just wanting to be with hisbig brother was what got Mitch excited.”

The most influential factor into howchildren deal with transition comesdown to parents’ own reactions.

“Parents need to show excitementabout school,” Peterson said.“Encouraging kids to be involved inactivities and supporting healthy friend-ships makes for the happiest kids.”

FROM PAGE 7

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12 MinnKids – September 2010 – www.mnkids.com In the Community, With the Community, For the Community

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