men mental health grace alliance regaining lives and ... · building your faith 7 recovery 11 god...

Men Mental Health Grace Alliance

Regaining Lives and Rebuilding Families

Families TransformedLiving Life Renewed and Resilient

The Hope and Healing Center & Institute (HHCI) is a comprehensive mental health resource dedicated to transforming lives and restoring hope through education, research, training and supportive services.

Hope and Healing Center & Institute 717 Sage Rd. Houston, TX 77056 713-871-1004contact@hopeandhealingcenter.orgwww.hopeandhealingcenter.org

Authors: Matthew S. Stanford, Ph.D. and Joe Padilla Contributors: Madeline Stiers, LMSW and Sarah Dominguez, LPC-Intern

©2019 by Hope and Healing Center & Institute

©2016 by Mental Health Grace Alliance and Matthew S. Stanford, Family Grace

This booklet or portions thereof may not be reproduced in any form without written permission from the authors.

Scripture quotations are taken from the Holy Bible, New International Version (NIV). Copyright ©

1973, 1978, 1984 by International Bible Society. Used by permission of Zondervan. All rights reserved.

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Table of Contents

Vision 4

Group Structure and Flow 5

Group Guidelines and Prayer 6

Group Sessions

Building Your Faith 7

Recovery 11

God is Bigger Than Our Weakness 16

Communication Skills 21

Medication 28

Holistic Care 33

Grieving and Grace 38

You’re not the Hero 43

Cycles and Triggers 48

Life-Giving Community 52

Handling Problems 56

Negative and Destructive Behaviors 63

Boundaries to Rebuild 67

Enabling vs. Empowering 72

Staying Ahead of the Game 76

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Vision

It is known that individuals experiencing psychological distress are more likely to seek help from clergy or

ministry staff before any other professional group. Research has shown that only a small portion of churches are

supportive of those dealing with mental health difficulties. This results from a lack of education and stigma. No

church has all the answers for the numerous challenges of a broken world, but most church leaders desire to see

their people rise up and be a part of helping overcome negative attitudes and statistics.

support |səˈpôrt|

1 to bear all or part of the weight of; hold up: 2 give assistance to; enable to function or act.

One simple way you can help is by starting and facilitating a Families Transformed Group in your area. The

Families Group is designed to provide an ongoing support structure to help the families of those living with

mental health difficulties hold one another up and give each person practical skills and tools in order to regain

their lives and rebuild their families. All of this is done in a Christ-centered environment with a clear focus on the

necessity of God’s grace for life transformation. Families Groups focus on the positive, where the goal of each meeting is to end with a greater understanding

of one’s self in regards to mental health difficulties. While the Families Group does allow some time to share

pressing difficulties, the emphasis is on learning how to filter difficulties through God’s grace and implementing

the many practical skills and tools presented during the meetings.

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Group Structure and Flow COMMUNITY AND DISCOVERY: Each Families Group session allows for sharing and relationship building.

While the group works together through each topic, personal discovery is encouraged. Group members will

each want to have their own workbook to make notes and as a personal resource to review the various

topics and tools.

FOR ANYONE AT ANY TIME: While the Families Group follows a weekly curriculum each group topic stands alone

allowing visitors to come at any point.

WEEKLY MEETINGS: The group is designed to meet weekly for 15 weeks OR can be divided up into two separate

7-8 week sessions with a break in the middle (e.g., fall, break for holidays, continue in spring).

HOW THE GROUP WORKS

❶ FAITH

Includes a scripture that looks

at a Biblical story related to the topic. A general overview of the

scripture is given.

Read the scripture together, the

short commentary, and then have a discovery discussion.

Note. Leaders should always bring

their Bible and encourage the group to do the same.

❷ FACTS

Lists specific facts related to the topic to be used for discussion. Read the fact and then use the questions for group discussion.

Many of the topics come with

additional information and practical tools.

Follow the instructions listed in

each activity section.

❸ FUTURE

Gives practical suggestions and tips individuals can immediately

apply in their daily lives.

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Group Guidelines

1. TO GIVE understanding, respect, encouragement, and compassionate support. 2. TO DISCOVER hope and to learn from one another’s journey. 3. TO NOT FIX anyone’s challenges with immediate advice and solutions,

but rather offer our story and what has worked for us. 4. TO NOT DEBATE the right or wrong doctrine or theology. 5. TO RESPECT and maintain one another’s confidentiality.

Group Prayer

Father, thank you for being with us and understanding our journey.

Give us wisdom to discover helpful insights and skills for each of our paths.

Thank you for giving us hope, grace, and Your steadfast love for better days to come.

In Jesus name, Amen.

Use these guidelines and / or sample prayer at the beginning of each group.

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Building Your Faith Guidelines and Sharing

To begin, review the group guidelines. Then, take time to share encouraging stories and/or any challenges. Pray

before starting the topic (see sample prayer).

Lesson Summary

God is with us in every struggle of our lives. The Good News of the Bible encourages us that God has removed all

distance and barriers to Himself. In Hebrews 4:16 we are encouraged to be confident to “draw near” or

“approach” the throne of grace, so that we may be reinforced with His mercy and grace. This implies, since Christ

has removed every barrier to Him, we can discover how to be reinforced with mercy and grace for every area of

our lives. This is the beauty of our ever-growing relationship with Christ. It is the only stable foundation of mercy

and grace by which we will be able to weather the storms of a loved one dealing with a mental health difficulty. In

addition, the strengthening of our faith and knowing God’s loving presence will have transformative effects on

your loved one through your Christ-like love, care, and counsel.

Key Point Jesus responded to the faith of the individuals who brought their loved one forward for healing.

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Faith

Building Your Faith (Luke 5:17-20)

Some men carrying a paralyzed man are trying to bring him to Jesus but cannot find a way inside. Not

deterred, they go up on the roof and lower the man through the ceiling right in front of Jesus. Jesus is moved

seeing their faith, and He extends grace and healing to the paralyzed man.

Your loved one may often seem paralyzed by their mental health difficulty. They feel immobilized when trying

to function at home, school, work, or in relationships. But when we come together as the body of Christ, we are

like the faith-filled men who lowered the paralytic in front of Jesus. Like those men, Jesus, seeing our faith, will

continue to reinforce us with sustaining grace for our loved ones.

Do you have any thoughts about this? What do you find interesting about the scripture? ………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….. ………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….. ………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….. ………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….. ………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….. ………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….. ………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….. ………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….. ………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….. ………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….. ………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….. ………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….. …………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………..

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Facts

Being in the Families Transformed Group ...

❶ ❷

Will deepen our faith through understanding God’s heart for those who struggle with mental

health difficulties.

What have others told you about having faith for mental health recovery? Was

it helpful? Why or why not?

Will help us see the strength of working together as a community of faith.

Up to now, what have you learned about God’s heart and how has your faith

grown?

❺

Will help us discover the presence of Christ in our journey to provide healing, and strength as we walk alongside our loved ones.

What do you hope to discover and receive from being in this group?

❸ ❹ Will help us grow more confident and hopeful Will help us see greater change within our

as we learn practical tools to implement with Christian communities, breaking the stigma of

our loved ones and ourselves. mental health difficulties in the

church and society.

Have you been a part of any other Have you felt alone or unable to share

mental health classes or groups? Were this part of your life with others in

they helpful? Why or why not? your life or in your church?

Why or why not?

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Future

❶ ❷

Families Group is a safe place to share and

support each other’s lives and loved ones.

Take time this week to pray for the other

group members and their loved ones.

❸

Think of ways to practically encourage one another

without telling one other what to do.

CLOSING PRAYER TIME

To end the group, take time to pray together as a group. Pray for anything related to the topic or any other needs.

1. No pressure for each person to pray.

2. No pressure to have eloquent or long prayers. Praying, “Thank you,” is enough.

3. Always try to end with prayer that reaffirms comfort and hope.

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Recovery

Guidelines and Sharing



Lesson Summary Treatments that focus solely on a single aspect of one’s being can bring only limited relief at best. A holistic

approach to care and treatment relieves physical and psychological distress (suffering) with medication,

psychotherapy/counseling, healthy environment, and community support, while revealing love and limitless grace

that is available through a personal relationship with Jesus. Anyone can begin the recovery journey. It is not

impossible to see life renewed. Many people suffering from the debilitating effects of mental illness have found

recovery and live full and meaningful lives. Understanding the recovery process and how it affects both you and

your loved one is important to help you and them progress towards health and wholeness.

Key Point

Understand how the recovery process affects both you and your loved one.

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Faith

Recovery (Philippians 2:13)

Paul wrote this letter to the church in Philippi while he was under house arrest in Rome. Despite his

circumstances, Paul writes with an exuberant and joyful tone to help them recognize the beauty of God working in

them. Thus, he was helping them to see from his own example, that no matter the trials, God is at work in us “to

will and to act in order to fulfill His good purpose.” This means that He provides His life, renewing strength, and

encouragement for you and your loved one’s recovery and He never pressures you to earn it.

Recovery is God at work in you “to will and to act in order to fulfill His good purpose.” This will be a journey

of learning and adapting through different periods of growth. In addition, you will experience a growing

resilience and personal renewal. It will not be easy, but God is faithful and will be present with you throughout

your recovery journey.

Do you have any thoughts about this? What do you find interesting about the scripture?

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Facts

ACTIVITY: MENTAL HEALTH CONTINUUM

Review the diagram and read through the descriptions on the next page.

Use this information for the following facts and discussion.

❶ ❷ Recovery is a process of growth you will On this continuum of recovery

experience. Process means this will be relationships change through the process.

a continuum of growth, not an overnight breakthrough or a cure.

This allows you to not always see yourself as a caregiver, but to grow and adapt.

Where do you think you and your family are on the recovery continuum?

What can be done to move you forward?

Why do you think it is important to see

yourself in different roles within the

recovery process?

❸

Recovery is a process of growth. Many get frustrated because they want to see immediate healing

and get stuck not recognizing the process. As you grow through this process you will notice yourself

becoming more resilient and experience a renewal of life.

How have you seen yourself and those closest to you become more resilient going through this process? Do you see how this can provide you

hope even when it is extremely difficult?

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Recovery Process

DISTRESS / CAREGIVER

Individuals in distress are often unable to care for themselves. They may be delusional and/or having suicidal or homicidal thoughts requiring them to be hospitalized. This is the beginning of the recovery process.

Family members at this point in the process are reduced to little more than caregivers tending to the

individual’s basic needs (e.g., food, safety, shelter).

STABILITY / MANAGER

Stability is defined as no longer a danger to self or others and cooperative with some level of treatment. At this point in the recovery process, the individual is likely living with a family member or in a residential setting with

some type of assistance.

The family’s relationship has changed from one of caregiver to manager, meaning they are managing their loved one’s treatment. Without the family’s support (management), it is likely that the individual would not continue

with their treatment and deteriorate back into distress.

FUNCTION / PARTNER

Here the individual begins to take an active role in planning and managing their own recovery. At this point in

recovery, both the individual and his family are less concerned about pathology, illness and symptoms, but instead, start to focus more on the individual’s strengths and wellness.

The family’s relationship with their loved one is now that of a partner in their recovery. No longer is the individual

fully dependant on another for his care but is empowered to get better through the support of others.

PURPOSE / FAMILY

At this point in recovery the individual has rediscovered a sense of personal identity. He is beginning to participate

in the local community and is striving to build a meaningful and satisfying life.

The family has regained their familial relationship with the individual. In other words, Mom can be Mom again, not just a caregiver or manager.

Family: Life has new meaning with your loved one, renewed life, resilient and God given purpose.

Distress Stability Function Purpose

Caregiver Manager Partner Family

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Future

❶ ❷ Continue to learn and review where you and Continue to pray and ask for wisdom how to

your family are in the recovery process. continue to grow in your recovery.

❸

Recognize that recovery is growth towards resilience and a renewed life.

CLOSING PRAYER TIME

To end the group, take time to pray together as a group.

Pray for anything related to the topic or any other needs.




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God is Bigger than Our Weakness Guidelines and Sharing



Lesson Summary

In the general public, persons with mental health difficulties are often thought to be addicts, lazy, or faking. In the

church, mental health problems are often “spiritualized” and thought to result from a lack of faith or personal sin.

Research shows that 30-40% of individuals with a mental health disorder who approach their church for assistance

are told there is no such thing but rather, that their problems are the results of sin or weak faith. With proper

knowledge and awareness, a community of believers can overcome stigma and experience God’s grace to ‘‘bear

one another’s burdens’’ (Galatians 6:2).

Key Point

Stigma can be overcome by healthy clinical and biblical concepts (i.e., education, training, and support).

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Faith

God is Bigger than Our Weakness (John 9:1-3)

One day, Jesus encountered a man who had been blind from birth. Jesus’ disciples assumed that sin was the

cause of the man’s blindness. This was a common belief of the day: sin or unrighteousness brought punishment

(i.e., sickness, poverty, a physical handicap) while righteous living brought health and prosperity. But how did Jesus

see it? … “’Neither this man nor his parents sinned,’ said Jesus, ‘but this happened so that the works of God might

be displayed in his life.’”

This blind man was stigmatized as being “cursed” as the result of sin, but Jesus saw him as an opportunity for

the works of God to be displayed in him. The works displayed in this man’s life go far beyond his physical healing.

In this section of scripture, Jesus is emphasizing his messianic authority and power by proclaiming that He is the

light of the world. Once this man sees the “light,” stigma is broken. He boldly defends Christ before the Pharisees

and then without fear publicly worships Him. He sees for the first time physically, and he sees for the first time

spiritually.


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Facts

❶ ❷ Stigma is always born out of fear and Stigma minimizes, disgraces, or dehumanizes

misinformation and can only be overcome by someone so that both inaction and a lack of

truth and education. compassion can be justified.

What fears or misinformation (stigma) Where have you seen this type of

have you felt or heard from others? behavior in relation to mental health

What fears or misinformation have you difficulties? How has this affected you?

believed yourself (self-stigma)?

❸ Mental health difficulties do not hold God back from working in you and your loved one’s lives. Wrongly

held views and beliefs (stigma) are hurtful. Don’t own them.

Can you think of one stigma that someone had against your loved one that needs to change?

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ACTIVITY: GOD IS BIGGER THAN OUR WEAKNESS

On the next page, review and read through 2-3 vignettes of men and women in church history

who significantly dealt with mental illness.

What does this reveal about God and how He views mental illness?

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God is Bigger than Our Weakness ………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….. In 1572, the reformer who penned "A Mighty Fortress Is Our God," Martin Luther (1483-1546) wrote: "For more

than a week I was close to the gates of death and hell. I trembled in all my members. Christ was wholly lost."

According to Luther's famous biographer, Roland Bainton, Luther found himself "subject to recurrent periods of

exaltation and depression of spirit." Luther himself had written that "the content of the depressions was always

the same, the loss of faith that God is good and that He is good to me."

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….. The Catholic mystic St. Teresa of Avila (1515-1582) suffered throughout her life from debilitating headaches,

seizures and depression, and what appeared to be panic attacks. As a young nun, she was diagnosed with

“shrunken nerves.” Describing her panic-like symptoms, she wrote, “Sometimes I felt as if sharp teeth had hold of

me, and so severe was the pain they caused that I was feared I was going mad." In her classic work, Inner Castle,

she states, “The depression which can afflict the soul … is comparable only with the tortures of hell.” ………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….. The famous preacher, Charles Spurgeon (1834-1892), who lit the fires of the nineteenth-century revival

movement, struggled so severely with depression that he was forced to be absent from his pulpit for two to three

months a year. In 1866, he told his congregation of his struggle: "I am the subject of depressions of spirit so fearful

that I hope none of you ever get to such extremes of wretchedness as I go [through]." He explained that during

these depressions, "Every mental and spiritual labor…had to be carried on under protest of spirit. My spirits were

sunken so low that I could weep by the hour like a child, and yet I knew not what I wept for." ………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….. A. B. Simpson (1843-1919), the founder of the Christian and Missionary Alliance, suffered with a serious anxiety

disorder. In relation to his nervous breakdown, Simpson’s physician informed him that he was in “the greatest

danger.” Simpson writes, “I was possessed with the idea that at a certain hour I was to die; and every day as that

hour drew near, I became prostrated with dreadful nervousness, watching in agonized suspense till the hour

passed, and wondering that I was still alive.” ………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….. Mother Teresa (1910-1997) founded the Missionaries of Charity in Calcutta, India in 1950. She was awarded the

Nobel Peace Prize in 1979 for her work with the sick, orphaned and dying. At the time of her death, the

Missionaries of Charity had 610 missions in 123 countries. In 2007, the publication of her letters and writing

revealed that she struggled with significant depression throughout her life. For example, in a letter to the

Archbishop of Calcultta, Ferdinand Périer, she wrote, “There is such terrible darkness within me, as if everything

was dead. It has been like this more or less from the time I started the work.”

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Future

❶ ❷ Be prepared to respond simply and truthfully to Be proactive in giving others grace and help

individuals who ask about your loved one’s educate those closest to you and your loved

condition. There is no shame in illness. one about mental health difficulties.

❸

Recognize that others’ wrongly held beliefs about mental health difficulties

are not you or your loved one’s fault, and you may not be able to change their beliefs.

CLOSING PRAYER TIME





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Communication Skills Guidelines and Sharing



Lesson Summary

Mental illness can be defined as a disorder of the brain resulting in the disruption of a person’s thoughts, moods,

behaviors, and ability to relate to others. Mental illness is severe enough to require treatment and/or intervention,

professional care, and community support. This biological disruption of thinking and mood can make it difficult for

the individual to process information, resulting in poor awareness, misunderstandings, and confusion. Thus, when

someone is struggling with significant psychological distress, trying to reason and communicate with them can be

difficult.

Key Point

There are specific ways to communicate effectively. This topic is about learning how to respond with grace rather

than reacting out of anger or fear. Your response can bring calm to the storm.

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Faith

Communication Skills (James 1:19-20)

James was encouraging a new way of looking at how our life in Christ empowers us to not react, but rather

respond gracefully. In fact, there are other scriptures that encourage us to be slow to speak and to season our

communication with grace (Colossians 4:6). This is because in Christ we have been given a whole new

temperament to respond to our challenges (John 14:27). From these scriptures and even from Jesus’ example,

communication is about listening, patience, wisdom, and responding with grace.

Your loved one’s mental health difficulty during challenging episodes and symptoms can make communication

extremely frustrating. If your loved one’s approach to communication is argumentative or evasive, it can cause you

to have a strong reaction. With good communication tools there is hope in learning how to respond with grace, not

reacting out of fear or anger.


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Facts

❶ ❷ In times of distress, your loved one’s brain is Our mind and emotions are related. When

not working correctly. Because of this, they communicating, how you respond can have

may see situations differently than reality. a huge affect on the situation and their

Arguing with them will not help them to emotions Appealing to their heart with love

see the truth. Reacting with fear or trying to instead of their mind with rationalization, can

forcefully reason with them will only intensify provide a new way of helping you and

their symptoms. your loved one communicate better.

How often have you seen this type of Have any of you tried this peaceful

conflict with your loved one? How does approach rather than trying to

your response affect the situation? “convince” them? If so, what

happened?

❸

In difficult or stressful times, your loved one may have a hard time processing their thoughts and emotions. They may be easily overwhelmed or become ultimatum-oriented or fatalistic in their thinking. By patiently helping them dissect and process the situation, you can show them the tools to regain their

peace. Stay recovery focused and avoid pressure to provide quick fixes.

Is it hard for you to stay calm when your loved one is overwhelmed?

If so, why? If not, why not?

ACTIVITY: COMMUNICATION SKILLS

Review and read through the descriptions on the next page.

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Communication Skills

WHAT NOT TO DO

REASON, CORRECT or DISCOUNT BE SILENT

Do not try to reason or logically convince them A short time apart may help, but do not use the

that their reality is off, nor should you try to silent treatment out of frustration; it

correct their thoughts and feelings. communicates rejection. Avoid trying to fix their feelings,

rather let them feel them

RAISE YOUR VOICE BE DEFENSIVE

Do not raise your voice in an attempt to control the situation.

Being fearful can lead to being reactive and

defensive which fuels the fire.

WHAT TO DO

❶ VALIDATE: Use active listening to demonstrate validation. Really listen to what the person is saying and identify the emotions associated with what they are saying. As you reflect back their emotions try, to keep emotional words simple not intense .. For example say upsetting instead of devastated or sad instead of depressed. Remember, you don’t have to agree with their emotion, only validate that they are experiencing that emotion.

“I can see that you are feeling sad, angry, discouraged, etc. and I can appreciate that” …………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

❷ AFFIRM: Build strength through affirmation. Find the strength behind what they are saying – helping them to reframe the situation into safety or control. Affirm their worth to you and to God.

“I’m amazed how in this challenge you rely on God, how you’ve endured, it says so much about you.”

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❸ RECONCILE: Use togetherness as a point of reconciliation. Reconcile means to restore harmony or peace. You do not have to have the solution for one another, rather reaffirm that you will be present for each other as you walk through this process together. This can help provide a sense of security.

“I know we don’t have all the answers right now and I will walk through this with you and discover the answers along the way.”

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Communication Skills Role-Play Role-play one of the following examples or use a scenario specific to anyone in the group to help practice these

skills. Use the worksheet on the next page to write down your responses.

1. Not getting out of bed. 2. Arguing and cursing at you. 3. Does not want to get any help (doctors or therapy).

EXTRA HELP: An example when a loved one refuses to take medication.

“I understand that you do not like taking this medication and if I were in the same situation, I’m sure I

would feel just as frustrated with all this (VALIDATE). I am so sorry this has been so difficult (VALIDATE).

I admire how you have been so willing through this process (AFFIRM). I just know that when you have

taken this medication, I’ve seen you more peaceful and not as frustrated (RECONCILE). Plus, if we stick

to the process, then we can tell the doctor about what’s working and what’s not (RECONCILE). I just

want you to consider this and I want to help you through this, because I really do care (AFFIRM).”

OTHER USEFUL TIPS

KEEP COOL Remember it’s not personal – it’s the disorder.

SCRIPTURE or GOD REFERENCE

If you choose to bring up God or scripture, it

should be simple and the dialogue short.

Reference God’s comforting character and their identity in Christ. Stay away from scriptures that

place more expectations they are unable to process well (e.g., Philippians 4:6).

HEALTHY DISTRACTIONS

Consider using other helpful ways that can help

calm the situation (e.g., going for a drive, change setting by sitting outside, short walk).

STAY FOCUSED AND FIRM

In a calm, but firm and genuine manner, and after using the guide above, address the

negative behavior.

“I understand how upset you feel and I apologize for any offense (be specific) I have caused AND I will be a part of helping you as best I can. How about we start over without

yelling?”

BEING GENERAL VS. SPECIFIC

Do not use generalizations for example: “You always get like this in big crowds.”. Be specific

to one situation at a time with a positive outlook.

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Communication Skills Role-Play

The situation:

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❶ VALIDATE: What are the specific emotions they are having? Remember, you don’t have to agree

with it.

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❷ AFFIRM: What are the specific strengths you see despite their challenge? Remind them how

much you care for and love them.

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❸ RECONCILE: How can you express safety, comfort, and togetherness? There is no need to

provide a solution.

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27

Future

❶ ❷ Prepare yourself with good communication Try to use the communication skills with your

tools. Review the skills gone over tonight loved one this week and report to the group

throughout the week. how you did.

❸

Teach these things to the community and family who interact with your loved one regularly.

CLOSING PRAYER TIME






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28

Medication Guidelines and Sharing



Lesson Summary

God created a part of us to be biological, and He can choose to remedy problems through biological treatments.

Taking medication for any illness is simply making wise use of the abundant resources provided to us by a loving

God. He is the almighty God of the universe who made us, saved us, and sustains us. As people of faith, we must

always remember that God is the ultimate agent of healing, and we should turn to Him first in times of illness.

Key Point

Mental health difficulties are brain disorders that often require medication and therapy for ongoing recovery, not

simply stronger faith to overcome them. Medication is only one part of the recovery process.

29

Faith

Medication (2 Kings 20:1-7)

Hezekiah was one of the Old Testament’s greatest kings. At the age of 39, he became very sick with a type of

boil or skin ulcer. The Bible tells us that he was “mortally ill” and close to the point of death. During his time of

suffering, Hezekiah poured out his heart to God and God graciously answered his prayer. God instructed the

prophet Isaiah to tell the king’s physicians to put a cake of figs on Hezekiah’s boil. Soon after, he recovered.

A cake (or poultice) of figs was a hot, soft mass of figs and other ingredients commonly used in ancient times

to treat lesions and infections of the skin. God used a common treatment of the day, a physical remedy, to bring

about Hezekiah’s recovery. God healed Hezekiah; the cake of figs was merely the means by which He extended His

healing grace. Similarly, psychiatric medications have proven to be a helpful piece of the recovery process. It is

merely one of the means by which God extends His healing grace.

Do you have any thoughts about this? What do you find interesting about the scripture? ………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….. ………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….. ………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….. ………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….. ………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….. ………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….. ………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….. ………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….. ………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….. …………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………..

30

Facts

❶ ❷

The primary function of psychiatric medications It is important to check that your loved one is

is to alter the way that the nerve cells (neurons) taking their medication every day, especially if

in the brain function. Every person responds they are having a bad day. It may upset them,

to medications differently, and it is normal to but it is done for their health and safety.

try several different medications until you find The frustration with medication is

the one(s) that works best for your loved one. that many depend solely on it for stability

How long did it take your loved one to Why is this your first question? Why do

find a medication that works or are they you think this upsets your loved one?

still in process?

❸

❹

Psychiatric medications treat the symptoms of

Physical remedies, such as medications, are

mental health difficulties; they do not cure or

simply another example of God’s faithful

fix everything. They minimize symptoms

provision for us.

allowing your loved one to function more normally.

When it comes to mental health Has anyone ever felt that medication

would completely cure your loved one?

difficulties, why do you think your loved

How has their medication helped?

one or others have a hard time with this?

ACTIVITY: MEDICATION

Use the “Classes of Psychiatric Medications” on the next page to complete this exercise.

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31

Class of Psychiatric Medications

Directions: Circle all the medications you have taken or are presently taking (look up on the internet if not listed). Discuss with the group if there is a pattern of one class working, not working, or how a combination of several different categories have been helpful or not.

Antipsychotics (used to treat schizophrenia and bipolar disorder)

Typical Haldol, Loxitane, Mellaril, Moban, Navane, Orap, Prolixin, Stelazine, Thorazine, Trilafon

Atypical Abilify, Clozaril, Fanapt, Geodon, Invega, Latuda, Risperdal, Seroquel, Zyprexa

Antidepressants (used to treat depression, bipolar disorder and anxiety disorders)

Tricyclic Antidepressants (TCA) Adapin, Anafranil, Asendin, Elavil, Norpramin, Pamelor, Sinequan, Vivactil

Selective Serotonin Reuptake Inhibitors (SSRI) Celexa, Prozac, Lexapro, Luvox, Paxil, Zoloft

Serotonin and Norepinephrine Reuptake Inhibitors (SNRI) Cymbalta, Effexor, Pristiq, Savella

Monoamine Oxidase Inhibitors (MAOi) Marplan, Nardil, Parnate

Atypical Antidepressants BuSpar, Remeron, Wellbutrin

Mood Stabilizers (used to treat bipolar disorder)

Tegretol, Depakene, Depakote, Lamictal, Lithobid (Lithium), Trileptal, Topomax

Benzodiazepines (used to treat anxiety disorders)

Ativan, Klonopin, Librium, Valium, Xanax

Psychostimulants (used to treat AD/HD)

Adderall, Concerta, Cylert, Dexedrine, Ritalin, Vyvanse

32

Future ❶ ❷

Take time to think about the option of Educate yourself about the types of

your loved one taking medicine, if they potential side effects of your loved one’s

are not currently taking any. Talk with medications (sources: psychiatrist, pharmacist,

a doctor or psychiatrist drug company website, etc.).

❸

Help your loved one be disciplined about taking their medication(s) and/or stay with the

process to find the right medication(s).

CLOSING PRAYER TIME





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33

Holistic Care Guidelines and Sharing



Lesson Summary

We are highly complex beings, unlike any other living creature God has made. The scriptures tell us that we are an

embodied spirit, having both physical and non-physical aspects to our being. We are the union of a physical body

with a non-physical mind and spirit. In order to have a truly balanced view of mental health difficulties, it is

necessary for us to see ourselves holistically, as God made us.

Key Point

A holistic approach to recovery takes into account all aspects of our being; spiritual, mental, physical and

relational.

34

Faith

Holistic Care (Luke 10:27)

During one of their many confrontations with Jesus, the religious leaders tested Him by asking, what is the

greatest of God’s commandments? Jesus answered them by saying, “’Love the Lord your God with all your heart

and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind; and, love your neighbor as yourself.’”

In other words, love God with your whole being and through your relationships. We are complex beings,

unlike any other living creature: the union of a physical body with an immaterial mind and spirit. Because of this, a

person living with a mental health difficulty needs a holistic approach to recovery that takes into account every

aspect of his or her being.


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35

Facts

ACTIVITY: HOLISTIC CARE

Review the diagram and read through the descriptions on the next page.

Use this information for the following facts and discussion.

❶ ❷ PHYSICAL: The physical needs associated with MENTAL: Mental health difficulties are often a

mental health difficulties go well beyond psychological battle between reality and negative

medication and include sleep, diet and nutrition, thoughts that overwhelm a person’s mind.

exercise, and relaxation. Professional psychotherapy alongside everyday

mental activities is part of the recovery process.

What are specific things or tools your

What are some things outside of loved one uses to deal with negative

medication that help your loved one thoughts? Which mental activities help

physically balance life and manage your loved one manage life or difficult

difficult symptoms? times?

❸ ❹ SPIRITUAL: God is always present. He does RELATIONAL: Comfort, encouragement, and

not neglect us or our loved ones because of support from family, friends, and those in the

their difficulties. Isaiah 57:15 and Psalm 34:17- church are vitally important in the recovery

20 reveal a God who dwells in glory as well as a process. While you can’t force your loved

God who dwells with those who are lowly or one to engage in every aspect of a

crushed in spirit, “in order to revive them.” holistic care, you can provide

Mental health difficulties do not intimidate encouragement and implement the

God. Even when you and your loved one feel practices in your life.

alone, know He cares for you in every step of

the recovery process.

Do you or your loved one struggle Who are key people in your family,

feeling alone and abandoned by God? friends and/or faith community that make

Is there anything that help you to a difference in your loved one’s life?

know God is there for you?

36

Holistic Care

A HOLISTIC APPROACH TO CARE INCLUDES

Physical: sleep, medication, relaxation, nutrition, exercise.

Mental: psychotherapy, positive coping, healthy thinking, structure and routine, cycles and triggers, creative mental activities.

Spiritual: identity in Christ, prayer, knowing God’s character and relationship with us, breaking stigma and shame.

Relational: education, life-giving community and healthy relationships, learning to handle conflict, opportunities to serve.

37

Future

❶ ❷ Evaluate your loved one’s current treatment Encourage your loved one to attend a Minds

plan. Is it holistic? In other words, are their Transformed Group.

physical, mental, spiritual, and relational needs

being met?

❸

Actively seek out a faith community that can encourage and support you and your loved one.

CLOSING PRAYER TIME





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38

Grieving and Grace Guidelines and Sharing



Lesson Summary

Much like after the death of a close friend or relative, a loved one with a mental health difficulty may also cause us

to grieve the passing of how we once knew them. It is important to remember that grieving is a normal emotional

process that takes time. In some cases, grieving can lead to situational depression that may require professional

counseling and treatment. Having support from your faith community can provide grace for the grieving process.

Key Point

Grieving is normal and a process that is unique for each person and takes time.

39

Faith

Grieving and Grace (Matthew 14:12-21)

After learning of the tragic news of John the Baptist’s death, Jesus got into a boat and went off to a secluded

place to be alone. The crowds often followed Jesus, and after some time, He returned to find the crowds waiting

for Him. Jesus was full of compassion and ministered to the sick and later performed the miracle of feeding 5,000

hungry people.

Throughout the Bible, grieving a loss was important. Caring for a mentally ill loved one is extremely difficult

and, like Jesus, we all need time to properly grieve because that is how God designed our emotions to heal.

Having a proper understanding of the grieving process allows you to be patient with yourself, receive comfort

along the way, and gracefully regain emotional strength and a sense of purpose.

Do you have any thoughts about this? What do you find interesting about the scripture? What are some things you have grieved, are grieving, or will grieve in the future?

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40

Facts

ACTIVITY: GRIEVING AND GRACE

Review and read through the descriptions on the next page. Discuss with one another where you might be in this grieving process.

❶ ❷ Grieving is a process and takes time. There is Lean upon your supportive community (family,

no time limit, some take longer than others, but friends) and allow them to bring you comfort,

understanding the process helps validate your and encouragement. God designed us to grieve

experience as part of the process toward our losses. It is His way of allowing our

comfort and hope. emotions to heal.

How long has it taken you to move Who within your immediate

through the grieving process? Did you community provides support and

realize that you were experiencing grief? what do they do? What are practical

ways to support someone

❸ If your health is affected (e.g., sleeping, eating, energy) by situational depression, seek professional help and don’t be afraid to receive treatment for a short period of time. It is just as important to take care of

yourself as it is for your loved one.

Have you seen any of these difficulties and how did you reach out for help? Or how do you

prevent yourself from getting to this difficult point?

41

Process of Grieving

❶ Shock: denial and fear

This is “God’s airbag” to cushion the initial impact of the news. Shock buys time to find strength to address the

situation. Parents may maintain hope that the diagnosis is incorrect, reject the permanence of the diagnosis or

deny that there will be an impact on their lives.

Nourishment Needs: Being able to share with someone with a supportive and listening ear. Parents may need to

be reassured of their safety and start creating a routine schedule. Patience and grace from family and friends who

don’t constantly push the parents to “face reality.”

❷ Pain: anxiety, sadness and anger

Experiencing and validating the pain and reality of the situation. There is upset in learning to change and adapt to

a new identity and relationship. The anxiety of coping with the care that will be required from the child sets in.

Parents experience sadness that the typical child they prepared for during pregnancy is no longer their reality.

Nourishment Needs: A supportive community of people who are nonjudgmental. Therapy may be needed to help

the parents to grow in their relationships and life.

❸ Bargaining: shame and guilt

Attempting to maintain a sense of control in the situation, parents will often bargain with God or begin to blame

God or others. Parents may feel their sins have caused their child’s affliction, they are not strong enough in their

faith or they have failed in some way. Trying to rationalize why this has happened to them often leads to feelings

of guilt and shame. Nourishment Needs: Strong relationships with people who will affirm their faith and God’s love for them. Find

pride in their child and the small things they are accomplishing. Therapy if depression or anxiety do not cease.

❹ Resiliency: acceptance and resolve

Regaining a new sense of normal and truly reaching acceptance of the child’s disability. There is understanding that although parenting this child will come with struggles, there will still be happiness and love found in the relationship and in the new family structure.

42

Future

❶ ❷ Actively seek out a faith community that can Use the “Process of Grieving”

encourage you; let them know how they can sheet to help you gauge where you are.

help you. Don’t judge yourself too harshly or expect perfection.

❸

Remember, Jesus took time to grieve, so allow

yourself the space to acknowledge your

condition. God has overwhelming love for you

and you can move forward into purpose.

CLOSING PRAYER TIME






EXTRA HELP: WHEN IT HURTS TOO MUCH

The situation with your loved one may be overwhelming leading to symptoms of anxiety, depression, and

possible poor coping (e.g., substance use). This is when someone feels stuck in the grieving process

(i.e., complicated grieving). It is a common experience for many spouses or family members and

we strongly encourage you to seek professional care.

43

You’re not the Hero Guidelines and Sharing



Lesson Summary

Living and caring for those with mental health difficulties can take a lot of time and energy. Depending on their

stability and behavior, it can cause significant stress and lead to exhaustion. The problem is that you are often fully

giving all you can to your loved one and you may tend to go without caring for your own personal needs. It is

common for many family members to feel tired physically, emotionally, and spiritually.

Key Point

Taking good care of yourself physically, emotionally and spiritually is just as important as taking care of your love

one.

44

Faith

You’re not the Hero (Matthew 14:12-21)

Jesus valued giving His disciples rest and comfort. After returning from a ministry trip, the disciples gather

around Jesus to share all they had done. It was very busy with many people coming and going and not having the

time to eat, let alone rest. Jesus, seeing their need, initiated a time of rest: “‘Come with me by yourselves to a quiet

place and get some rest.’ So they went away by themselves in a boat to a solitary place.”

God recognizes that rest is essential for our own health: physically, emotionally and spiritually. Many times

caring for a loved one with a mental health difficulty can be exhausting on all of these levels. It is common for

family members to not take time to rest, and they end up feeling burned out. Jesus knows that you cannot do it all,

and He can help you find creative ways for you to “come away with me ... and get some rest.”

Do you have any thoughts about this? What do you find interesting about the scripture? ………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….. ………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….. ………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….. ………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….. ………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….. ………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….. ………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….. ………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….. ………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….. ………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….. ………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….. …………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………..

45

Facts

ACTIVITY [1]: YOU’RE NOT THE HERO

Review and read through the descriptions on the next page. Use this information for the following facts and discussion.

❶ ❷ If you are not resting well, you are not alone. It You need rest at three levels: Physically,

takes time to let yourself off the hook and get Emotionally, and Spiritually.

some rest. It takes time to learn and understand

that you cannot do it all!

Have you had a hard time What sticks out for you in any of the

finding time to care for yourself? depletion signs?

❸

Some feel guilty for getting the rest they need, but to maintain good health you must get rest. You need

rest in two ways: in your daily life and a personal get-away.

When was the last time you had a vacation or just a break? Do you need one?

ACTIVITY [2]: YOU’RE NOT THE HERO

If time allows use a white board or poster board to list and discuss together more ideas for restful activities.

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46

Areas of Self Care

PHYSICAL - Sleep: 7-8 hours a night - Nutrition: Eat nutritious and healthy meals three times a day alongside healthy snacks - Exercise: Simple activity (e.g., walking, yard work, bike, gym)

Depletion Signs: - Sleep: Tired, fatigued, little sleep, fatigue causing agitation and cognitive fog - Nutrition: Overeating, not eating enough, or eating only unhealthy foods (e.g., fast food) - Exercise: Not exercising; sedentary living

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EMOTIONAL - Community: Connect with close friends and/or family - Joy & Happiness: Hobbies, special activities, events (e.g., sports, movies, reading) - Support & Giving: Educating and connecting with others who understand

Depletion Signs: - Community: Feelings of loneliness and isolation - Joy & Happiness: Not incorporating hobbies or special interests or there is no motivation for them - Support & Giving: You haven’t laughed in a while, and discouragement is lasting into weeks

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SPIRITUAL - Personal: Relationship with Jesus is peaceful, hopeful, healthy with a balanced perspective - Teaching: Motivated and encouraged by sermons or from talks with friends on spiritual truths - Others: Experience patience, kindness, and understanding; forgiving and willing to serve others

Depletion Signs: - Personal: Discouragement and frustration with God - Teaching: Discouraged hearing others talk about God’s goodness - Others: Staying busy to avoid relationship with God, loved one, emotions within yourself

47

Future

❶ ❷ Explore what helps you get rest physically, The key to finding rest is to be creative and

emotionally and spiritually. simple and to ask for help from others. Without rest,

no one can endure well, but with rest, you can love well.

❸

Come up with a list of some helpful things you personally enjoy and find restful.

CLOSING PRAYER TIME






DAILY REST IDEAS

Go to bed early

Soothing bath

Watching a comedy show or movie

Having a fun food treat (occasionally)

Reading a favorite (lighthearted) book

Going for a peaceful drive or walk

GETAWAY REST IDEAS

Plan a vacation or getaway with friends

Go on day events with friends

Visit family or old friends for fun

Take a personal weekend

48

Cycles and Triggers Guidelines and Sharing



Lesson Summary

We all have good days and bad days. It is no different for individuals living with mental health difficulties. For

some, their cycle of problem episodes can be predicted while others go through rapid cycles. Others may have an

overall mental health difficulty and may not experience different cycles. For these individuals, different stressors or

triggers can cause difficult episodes. A recovery-orientated lifestyle requires an understanding of the predictable

cycles and triggers for better life management.

Key Point

Stable and difficult times are both part of all mental health difficulties and should be expected.

49

Faith

Cycles and Triggers (Philippians 4:11-13)

The apostle Paul spent many years in his ministry dealing with persecution and trouble. He was beaten and

stoned to near death, struggled with depression (2 Corinthians. 7:5-6), had many sleepless nights, was often thirsty

and without food, and was subsequently imprisoned for years. While in jail he wrote these words that addressed

the cycles of his life, “... I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need,

and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether

well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do everything through Him who gives me strength.”

Paul was human and could have easily become angry with God for not blessing him with a “good life,” but he

learned how to be resilient and content in any circumstance, good or bad. There are many stressors associated

with mental health difficulties, but they do not limit anyone from learning by faith how to be resilient and content

in any situation.

Do you have any thoughts about this? What do you find interesting about the scripture? …………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………..

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50

Facts

❶ ❷ CYCLES: During times of stability, common TRIGGERS: Life has ups and downs, but

signs often appear that reveal a more difficult overwhelming stress can trigger symptoms,

cycle (episode) is coming (e.g., losing sleep or affecting your loved one’s stability and focus.

over sleeping, increasing irritability, not eating

or over-eating, racing thoughts or slower

cognitive processing, increasing anxiety or

nervousness).

Did you know that there are Do you know specific stressors that

signs before a difficult episode? What seem to trigger your loved one’s

are the signs for your loved one? symptoms? What happens and how

do they recover?

❸ ❹ Negative cycles triggered by seasonal changes, Your loved one’s cycles and triggers are related

events or transitional times (e.g., holidays, end to their mental health difficulties. Neither your

of school semester) can be predicted and nor them are a failure in your faith or as a

minimized. Without a plan or process to help person because of them.

minimize these cycles or triggers, life will be

driven more by symptoms affecting your

loved one’s thoughts, emotions, and behavior. What helps you to understand that these

mental health challenges are not a result

What are the most difficult times for of failing God nor a punishment from

your loved one? What type of plan do God? Is this difficult to accept?

you have for those times? Why or why not?

51

Future

❶ ❷ Take note of your loved one’s triggering events Identify and learn their therapeutic tools and

and cycles and prepare a plan with outlets (e.g., relaxation techniques, healthy

your supportive community (e.g., doctor, distractions, leave the room or event when

therapist, family, close social/spiritual overwhelmed, exercise, talk to a friend) so that

community) for how you might adjust to better your loved one’s symptoms do not become

manage stress and symptoms. overwhelming.

❸

In times of stability, simple Bible study and encouraging interactions with a faith community can help

build your personal confidence. Remember, it is Christ who gives us strength and

sustaining grace during both the good and bad times.

CLOSING PRAYER TIME






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52

Life-Giving Community Guidelines and Sharing



Lesson Summary

God has called us to “rejoice with those who rejoice, and weep with those who weep” (Romans 12:15). We are all

designed for life-giving community. Living with mental health difficulties brings up many questions, thus having a

supportive community will help each person thrive. As well, giving to others brings refreshment. The same Spirit

that connects us to God also connects us to one another. Sharing the burden lightens the load for everyone.

Key Point

An active and supportive community of believers promotes a healthy life while isolation brings frustration and

fatigue.

53

Faith

Life Giving Community (Hebrews 10:24-25)

Throughout scripture, community life is continually highlighted as a key element in encouraging and

stimulating one another towards fruitful lives in God. The New Testament church experienced many difficulties,

thus most of the New Testament was written to address how to best love, bless, and persevere as one unified

community.

Unfortunately, mental health difficulties are often misunderstood and stigmatized. This causes many to feel

isolated, frustrated, and fatigued. But there is hope! An understanding and Christ centered community can help

find creative ways to stay connected and will foster compassionate relationships that encourage and strengthen

one another’s lives. The essence of a community is not to rely on human strength, but rather on the unifying love

of Christ that flows throughout and transforms lives.

Do you have any thoughts about this? What do you find interesting about the scripture? ………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….. ………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….. ………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….. ………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….. ………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….. ………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….. ………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….. ………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….. ………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….. ………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….. …………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………..

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Facts A fruitful faith community…

❶ ❷ ENCOURAGES AND STRENGTHENS: A STAYS CONNECTED: Because of stigma,

strong community offers acceptance, comfort, mental health difficulties can sometimes cause

support, and encouragement. They gain you and your loved one to feel alone and

wisdom as they learn from one another’s misunderstood. In addition, church or other

mistakes and successes. Community life is events can cause overwhelming anxiety and

centered on like hearted understanding. They discomfort for your loved one. The stigma and

take risks together, believe in one another, and discomfort is frustrating causing many to pull

strengthen one another. away or isolate. The way around this is to stay

connected to special people who you trust and who can support you. Do not exhaust yourself

What community do you have that trying to keep up with gatherings or community encourages and supports you? events that are wearing you down.

Has your loved one found a helpful What are things that help you stay

community and how has it helped them? connected to community and avoid

isolation?

❸

BUILDS CONFIDENCE: Coming into a new community, it is normal to feel some anxiety related to

sharing with others about your loved one’s mental health difficulties. It is important to have several

understanding and trusted friends who can honor you, and allow you focus on being yourself and not

worry about always being the family with the “sick” loved one.

Who are some of those key people outside of this group and what do they do that helps you?

If not, can you think of someone who could step into the role of a trusting friend?

ACTIVITY: LIFE GIVING COMMUNITY - ENCOURAGMENT

Take some time to recognize the positive changes you have seen in one another and / or comment how being

part of this group (community) has been especially helpful.

55

Future

❶ ❷ Focus on helping your loved one develop close As you feel more confident, your friendships

friendships, which will honor them, with people will broaden and you can share more about

you both trust. Later this will allow them to yourself to them. When they see your grace,

enjoy larger group settings as themselves, not strength and confidence, you dispel stigma

exposed as “the sick one.” and become an authority on the topic.

❸

Take time to build close friendships into your life.

CLOSING PRAYER TIME






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56

Handling Problems Guidelines and Sharing



Lesson Summary

The problems associated with caring for a loved one with a mental health difficulty are overwhelming, and when

problems present, it can be a tedious and anxiety provoking process working through them. When we break down

our problems to begin working on different parts, we are able to more easily find solutions. While it may be scary

to ask, problem solving is best accomplished within community. Crisis and immediate safety concerns should

always be dealt with first.

Key Point

Seek input from knowledgeable individuals. Take one problem at a time, and each day as it comes. Learn to

identify immediate crises versus manageable problems.

57

Faith

Handling Problems (Acts 15:1-2, 6)

In this story, there arose a conflict concerning customs for new believers and there was trouble solving this

problem. To help the leaders of the early church, the apostles and elders, gathered together to look into the

matter and were able to find a practical solution based on wisdom from the Scriptures. In fact, most of the letters

in the New Testament were written to address conflicts and problems in the early church.

In families with a negative and non-compliant loved one dealing with mental health difficulties, there are

often times of conflict and crisis. Just like the early church, a faith community that has understanding and truth can

come together in love to help each other find encouragement and solutions.

Do you have any thoughts about this? What do you find interesting about the scripture? ………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….. ………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….. ………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….. ………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….. ………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….. ………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….. ………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….. ………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….. ………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….. ………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….. ………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….. ………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….. …………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………..

58

Facts

❶

SUPPORT – Problem solving is more difficult for the person in the middle of the problem. People often

fail to reach out for help because of fear and shame, feeling overwhelmed, or they simply hope it will go

away on its own. Asking for help from trusted friends and supportive people can lead to creative options

that may help solve the problem.

Have you reached out to others? If so, did it work? If not, why?

❷ ❸ TRUST – Learn to ask your faith community for RECOGNIZE CRISES vs. PROBLEMS – A

prayer and encouragement. Provide ideas of crisis involves immediate safety concerns for

how they might be involved in helping you in you or your loved one, while problems can be

small, beneficial ways. managed or addressed over time.

What are helpful ways your faith Can you give an example of a crisis

community can be involved even if versus a problem? Have you ever had to

they do not understand? use a crisis team or police?

❹

GETTING THROUGH CHALLENGES – This is not trying to “fix” you or your loved one for immediate results, but learning how to find helpful ways to navigate the challenges over time.

ACTIVITY: HANDLING PROBLEMS

Review and read through the descriptions on the next couple of pages,

Handling Problems and Handling Problems Example. …………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………..

59

Handling Problems

Have someone volunteer a particular challenge and work together using the steps provided (use eraser or poster board if available).

………………………………………………………………………….

❶ State the problem and pray for wisdom. Typically the problem is overwhelming and hard to pinpoint. Often times, problems turn into long stories. Focusing on writing down the problem helps to identify a starting point. Then, ask the Lord for His wisdom. ………………………………………………………………………….

❸ Manage the urgent and what you have control over. Many times, intervening in the areas that you have control over can help curb the situation and set you up for staying out of trouble or further conflict. You may not be able to control all aspects of the problem. ………………………………………………………………………….

❺ Identify the roadblocks and possible solutions. Identify the anticipated stumbling blocks and the possible solutions to manage or remove them. Identifying these ahead of time will lessen the stress when/if they occur. ………………………………………………………………………….

………………………………………………………………………….

❷ Dissect the problem. Look at the problem and begin to break it down. This will help you see the multiple issues that make up the overwhelming problem. It can help identify where the root of many issues arises. ………………………………………………………………………….

❹ Develop creative solutions and roles. Brainstorming with a group can bring solutions. Many times tackling smaller problems will have a domino effect, naturally affecting others. You may ask some friends or family members to pray for you, while others may be involved in developing a solution for you. ………………………………………………………………………….

❻ Prayer. Commit all unto the Lord, He will establish your plans (Proverbs 16:3). It will take time and may need to be adjusted some, but continue to ask the Lord to intervene for you. Solutions may not come as you expect them to. ………………………………………………………………………….

60

Handling Problems Example

1. State the problem and pray for wisdom – Write down the problem.

“My son is addicted to drugs and we can’t get him to see the doctor”

“Father, we ask for your wisdom and insight to help our son, in Jesus name, amen.”

2. Dissect the problem – Identify the multiple problems behind the overarching problem.

- He hangs around the wrong people (bad relationships) - He takes his money we give him for school and uses it for drugs - He is out with the car all the time - He is unable to go to school and can’t get up out of bed (unless going out with friends)

3. Manage the urgent and what you have control over – What can you control?

- Finances/money - Car - Communicating to his friends - those who will listen.

4. Creative solutions and roles – List out possible solutions and who can assist.

- Reach out to his friends and girlfriend

to bring understanding and further

help.

- Restrict the use of the car. - Talk with partners on what expenses can

be reduced or paid for in an alternative way.

- Siblings can reach out to friends and loved

one

- Mom will reach out to his girlfriend, his

brother, and his friends.

- Dad and brother will handle the

communication (he listens to his brother at

times).

- Ask faith community to pray for your

family.

5. Identify the roadblocks and possible solutions

- If he reacts to this, stay firm in your decisions so that he is forced to receive help.

- If he misuses the car, don’t let him use it at all and do not enable him. - If he still uses drugs, you will not pay for his school or needs until he cooperates. - If he starts acting strange (threatening himself/others) and he gets worse, call the police – explain his

mental illness and get mandated care and help.

6. Have the group pray for that specific problem.

61

Handling Problems Practice

❶ Write down the overall problem.

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………..

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………..

❷ Dissect the problem: What are the multiple issues contributing to this problem?

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………..

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………..

❸ Manage the urgent: Which issues can specifically be addressed (not all the problems)?

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………..

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………..

❹ Creative solutions and roles: What are the specific ideas and who can help?

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………..

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………..

❺ Identify roadblocks and solutions: What would interfere and how can they be addressed?

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………..

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………..

❻ Prayer: What is your simple and specific prayer request?

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………..

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62

Future

❶ ❷ When there is an immediate safety concern for The best solutions always result from teamwork.

you or your loved one, call your local crisis If you are feeling overwhelmed, tell the whole

intervention team or 911 and explain to the group or ask for help. Call on one or two people

police that your loved one is dealing with in your life to be involved.

mental illness and the specific concern. This can

begin a process for your loved one receiving

better care and being evaluated.

❸

Do not take on the mountain of your loved one’s problems. Take them one at a time and one day at a time.

Many of the difficulties will take time. Be patient in the process.

CLOSING PRAYER TIME






EXTRA HELP: DEALING WITH CRISIS

BE PREPARED – Always have a document with your loved one’s diagnosis and medications they take;

include numbers for crisis teams or hotlines in your area.

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

ACUTE CARE – When your loved one is unable to function and you are unable to help them, it is time to seek

professional facility care (e.g., ongoing insomnia, sleep, unable to function, psychotic symptoms causing distress

and harm, restless anxiety with debilitating fear). …………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………. CALL FOR HELP – When there is immediate safety concerns (e.g., suicidal / homicidal thoughts or actions), call 911

or a Crisis Intervention Team. A mental health warrant will be issued to mandate care.

63

Negative and Destructive Behaviors

Guidelines and Sharing



Lesson Summary

Individuals struggling with mental health difficulties process information and perceive the world around them

very differently than individuals that do not have a brain disorder. This inability to think correctly can lead to

negative, even dangerous, behaviors in some cases. Monitoring your loved one’s medication, symptoms and side

effects is essential to help minimize this type of behavior. Dealing with these situations is emotionally difficult,

but learning how to respond with grace is important.

Key Point

Recognize that negative and destructive behaviors are the result of the mental health difficulty, not the person.

64

Faith

Negative and Destructive Behaviors (Hosea 3:1-5)

At the beginning of his ministry, the prophet Hosea married a woman named Gomer, who quickly strayed

from the marriage. Emotionally, she was unstable, declaring her love for Hosea one minute and her distain the

next. She gave birth to two children as the result of adulterous affairs. Despite her unfaithfulness, Hosea remained

with her. At some point, she abandoned Hosea and the children. Fueled by an insatiable desire for material things,

she turned to prostitution as a means of supporting herself. She lost her faith, drank to excess, and begun cutting

herself. Ultimately, she found herself alone, emotionally broken, and owned as property by another man. At

Hosea’s lowest point, betrayed and heartbroken, God spoke these words to him: “Go, show love to your wife

again….”

It is hard to imagine that a woman would consider herself so unworthy and so unlovable that she would

choose a life of bondage over a life of freedom. But there is a bright side to Gomer’s story: while the Book of Hosea

describes in detail her destructive behavior, it also tells us that she was ultimately restored to her husband and

children. Some with mental health difficulties and disorders have had very destructive paths, but ultimately

responding with the grace God provides, He can lead anyone to restoration and renewed lives.

Do you have any thoughts about this? What do you find interesting about the scripture? ………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….. ………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….. ………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….. ………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….. ………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….. ………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….. ………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….. ………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….. …………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………..

65

Facts

❶ Recognize that bad and negative behaviors are

the result of the mental health difficulty, not

the person. These behaviors stem from

biological brain abnormalities and chemical

imbalances that lead to distorted thoughts,

feelings/moods, and behaviors.

Why do you think some people do not want to believe this? What has helped

you understand this fact?

❸

Many loved ones in depressive states

struggle with an inability to experience

positive emotions and have ongoing

negative thoughts. This can lead to isolation

and suicidal ideation. Being able to talk and

listen to your loved one can be beneficial.

With any of these concerns, call:

National Suicide Hotline for more practical support (1-800-784-2433).

What are ways to help a loved one who might be struggling with these types of

thoughts?

❷

Having compassion and understanding does

not mean you tolerate destructive behaviors or

lifestyles. Your loved one’s negative behaviors

can be unlearned with appropriate support,

boundaries, and structure. It may seem

childish, but you are dealing with the instability

of their mental health difficulty, not reasoning

with a healthy and stable brain.

What types of boundaries or structure

have worked for you and your loved one? What are the other areas where you need

more help?

❹ Recovery and the restoring of lives may seem

impossible, but with faith, community support,

and appropriate boundaries and structure, a

renewed life is possible. Recovery does not

happen overnight but is a process by which

God draws you and your loved one to Himself,

transforming you both forever.

What helps you to find

support and hope?

66

Future

❶ ❷ If your loved one has been depressed and Continually make it clear to the person that

isolating, find simple ways to be supportive

restoration and forgiveness are possible

and let them know that you care. Suicidal

regardless of what he or she may have

ideation can be common and talking about

done. Remember, your loved one needs to

it does not increase the risk. If they

hear they are worthy and valued. That’s

communicate active plans to harm

why you give them Christ’s unconditional

themselves, call 911 or Crisis Intervention Team

love, acceptance, and forgiveness.

❸

You don’t have to do it on your own. Continue to find support from the Group and other life-giving friends or

family. Find a therapist that will help your loved one eliminate negative and destructive behaviors (these behaviors

can be unlearned). You may want to consult with a professional for your own emotional difficulties related to your

loved one’s behavior.

CLOSING PRAYER TIME






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67

Boundaries to Rebuild Guidelines and Sharing



Lesson Summary

When behaviors and emotions (symptoms) are out of control many families and spouses feel at a loss about how

to help their loved ones. Setting appropriate boundaries is about creating clear goals to rebuild life and your

relationship. It is about reinforcing home life as a refuge, not just focusing on a set of rules with discouraging

consequences. Proper boundaries serve as a guide to restore the individual and prevent enabling behaviors.

Key Point

Boundaries are to help you and your loved one build healthy relationships and a home that is a refuge. All effective

recovery and healing has appropriate boundaries.

68

Faith

Boundaries to Rebuild (Galatians 3:26-27)

In many of Paul’s letters he is instructing the church with new boundaries of life that reflect upon their new

life in Christ. He uses phrases such as, “clothe yourselves,” “be like Christ,” “put on,” or “put aside.” These are

not rules or laws, but a reminder that we have a new nature in Christ. These create natural and loving

boundaries for respectful relationships, healthy lifestyles and godly responsibilities. They do not give room for

unhealthy or destructive behaviors.

The symptoms of mental health difficulties can include impulsive and negative behaviors. In addition, your

loved one may adopt negative coping strategies (e.g., substance use), making the situation worse. It is important

to remember that this is more from the disorder than your loved one’s heart. God will give you wisdom to apply

the principles of healthy boundaries in order to create a better living environment for you and your loved one.


69

Facts

❶ ❷ RESPECT – Many problems revolve around RESPONSIBILITIES – Families feel that they

unhealthy communication. You and your loved cannot interfere or help their loved one

one must agree to learn new ways of because of their extreme behaviors, thus

communicating and treating each other with they walk on eggshells around them to

respectful language and behavior (e.g., no avoid conflict. This only enables them to

harsh/accusatory language, cursing, silent be more in control and keeps them from

treatment, or physical abuse). full recovery.

What are some ways you know you need to change how you talk to or treat your loved one? What does your loved one need to work on?

How can you help your loved one

be more involved in their recovery?

❸ ❹

HEALTH – Many are resistant to professional

care (e.g., medication, therapy), but explore

with them the idea of holistic care. Discuss not

just having professional care, but a holistic

way to better manage their life. Invite them to

participate in the discussion, rather than

pushing medication as the answer.

Why are they resistant to you? How could you change your approach towards their health and invite them into the process?

CELEBRATION and CONSEQUENCES –

Boundaries should be built toward a reward

that celebrate progress (no matter how small it

is). You are building supportive boundaries to

improve relationships and life. If they refuse to

cooperate, then evaluate your constructive

alternatives and/or other options so that you

do not enable negative behavior.

What have you found that your loved

one responds to? Do you try to celebrate or acknowledge good work?

ACTIVITY: BUILDING BOUNDARIES

Review and read through the descriptions on the next couple of pages

Discuss ideas for boundaries and any stories of how they have worked or not

70

Building Boundaries

Boundaries establish security, not fear and guilt. So instead of focusing on the tough love rules, focus on

the grace needs, which can include:

+ Grace to find ... better professional care and support

+ Grace to find ... better schedule and routine

+ Grace to find ... daily responsibilities

+ Grace to find ... healthy and respectful communication

+ Grace to find ... healthy relationships / community support and influences

+ Grace to find ... …………………………………………………………

List out some ideas of boundaries for the areas below to help make your home a healthy refuge

+ Attitude and language

+ Aggression

+ Substance Abuse

+ Negative relationships and / or influences

+ Finances

+ Professional Treatment

+ Freedoms and Responsibilities

Other:

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………..

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………..

71

Future

❶ ❷ Be proactive and write down ideas to build If they do not cooperate, do not go back to

respect, health, and responsibility between you enabling their behavior. Stay in good,

and your loved one. respectful communication, offering them a way

for recovery, not just “fixing” them.

❸

Always show a path and direction for more help, not just rules.

CLOSING PRAYER TIME





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72

Enabling vs. Empowering Guidelines and Sharing



Lesson Summary

One of the difficult topics for families and close friends of those struggling with severe symptoms from mental

health difficulties is recognizing enabling tendencies. Enabling behaviors on your part create obligation and give

your loved one’s mental health difficulties control over you (co-dependency). On the other hand, empowering

behaviors increase self-worth in your loved one and help create healthy boundaries.

Key Point

Getting out of co-dependent and enabling relationships rebuilds self-esteem and empowers the recovery process.

73

Faith

Enabling vs. Empowering (Mark 10:46-52)

Jesus stops and focuses on a blind beggar, Bartimaeus, who refused to stop yelling for Jesus’ attention. As a

beggar, his clothes may have been dingy, and being blind, he may have slowly stumbled over to Jesus or needed

helped from the disciples. Jesus asks what he wants and Bartimaeus asks to regain his sight. Jesus responds by

telling him to go and his sight would return because of his faith. This story reminds us that we are not beggars

dependent on leftover coins, waiting for God do something for us. God desires to empower our lives and our faith

by simply being bold and asking for what we want.

Our loved one’s mental health difficulties can create patterns and behaviors that cause close family and

friends to enable them, leaving them stuck and not growing. Through small and simple steps we can stop enabling

and help empower their recovery.


74

Facts

❶ ❷ MANIPULATION and CONTROL – Your RESCUER and “SAVIOR” ROLE – It is

loved one’s disruptive moods and symptoms difficult to see a loved one suffer. Thus, to

can cause their attitude and behavior to be relieve suffering and make life seemingly more

aggressive, accusatory, and demeaning. With peaceful, many will end up doing everything for

no healthy coping strategies, they may act in their loved one. Over time, this creates

this way intentionally to get you and others dependency and decreases motivation to take

upset so you will leave them alone or give in to on any responsibility. Enabling happens when

whatever they want. Enabling happens when most of the responsibility is placed upon you,

you lose your temper, fight back, or give in. not your loved one.

Have you seen this type of behavior Have you seen this pattern between you

between you and your loved one? If so, and your loved one? Why do we as

how have you typically dealt with this? family and friends do this?

❸ EMPOWERMENT – This is about rebuilding strength and confidence through a working plan. It does not

mean throwing your loved one out on the street to teach them a lesson and to get their life back

together. It is about recognizing the specific areas where you are doing too much and discovering how

to reverse the situation. Empowerment involves setting healthy boundaries, building responsibility, and

setting up a structured plan and process to make life better.

How have you empowered your loved one?

If not, what are helpful ideas you could try?

75

Future

❶ ❷ Manipulate and Control: Recognize areas Empowerment: Begin establishing healthy

where there might be manipulative behaviors boundaries and building responsibility in your

and begin to think through different steps to loved one.

not be controlled by this behavior.

❸ ❹ Rescuer and “Savior” Role: In areas where Patience: It takes time to readjust life. Take

they are very dependent on you or others, think small and simple steps to make changes in the

about how you could begin to reverse the areas of life that need the most attention.

situation to help them to take more These small steps may feel huge to them; give

responsibility. grace for mistakes and trial and error. Keep moving forward with encouragement.

CLOSING PRAYER TIME






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76

Staying Ahead of the Game Guidelines and Sharing



Lesson Summary

As the proverbial saying goes, “Sometimes it is hard to see the forest for the trees.” In the same way, it is often

difficult for the person living with mental health difficulties to recognize early signs of problem symptoms or

behaviors. Taking a preventative, proactive approach when these signs appear will assist your loved one in

maintaining greater stability and health. It is more about building a recovery lifestyle than a survival system.

Key Point

Be proactive, not reactive. Learn the signs that predict problems for your loved one and have a plan in place to

help assist.

77

Faith

Staying Ahead of the Game (Luke 6:46-49)

Jesus has just finished sharing the beatitudes, which gave a picture of living a blessed life in the kingdom.

Afterwards, Jesus explained that if we knew the reality of these truths, we would be like a house with a strong

foundation that torrential winds and floods cannot shake. However, if we live out of our own strength, “collapse

and destruction will be complete.”

Throughout scripture God gives us wisdom and truth to apply to our lives. Jesus gave His disciples grace and

power to fulfill His purposes, even in great trial. In the same way, God gives us wisdom, grace, and strength to

build a strong and stable foundation to weather the storms of mental health difficulties. He gives this in order to

lead you and your loved one toward a lifestyle of recovery. So, when the winds and floods come, you and your

family may be shaken, but you can stand firm and not collapse in the midst of difficult circumstances.


78

Facts

❶

BEWARE OF TRIGGERS – Learn and realize which simple stressful events or circumstances can

trigger or increase your loved one’s symptoms.

What are some key events or stressors you know trigger your loved one?

❷ ❸ LEARN SIGNS AND CYCLES – Many GOD IS PRESENT – Although you cannot

individuals living with mental health difficulties avoid life’s pressures, know that God is always

follow a cycle of particular symptoms. Learn the present. Keep praying and asking for His

signs and work with your loved one to adjust guidance.

their lifestyle to manage well. Also discuss with

their therapist for added support and your

loved one’s doctor to adjust medication for

stability.

What are some early signs of problem Can you recount a time praying and

cycles/behaviors you have recognized in seeing some immediate changes that

your loved one? helped?

What plans do you have in place?

ACTIVITY: STAYING AHEAD OF THE GAME

Review and read through the descriptions on the next couple of pages.

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………..

79

Staying Ahead of the Game

Discuss the different things you do to help you and your loved one avoid difficult cycles and triggers (i.e., episodes).

BE AWARE OF TRIGGERS Learn and be sensitive to simple stressors that are triggering:

Crowds, store, church, restaurants

Loud noises (from the above settings)

Holidays and events

Certain relationships or people

Overwhelming expectations, projects, and work assignments

Transitions with work or seasonal breaks (summer, winter, and spring breaks)

Cloudy days can trigger negative moods

Positive stress (new move, new job, or new relationships)

Any big life events ………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….. LEARN THEIR CYCLES Many loved ones follow a pattern of cycling through episodes of particular symptoms. Work with your loved one to record and monitor these moods and work with their psychiatrist regarding this pattern.

Seasonal affective disorder – Moods changing with the season

Monthly menstrual cycle – This can intensify moods

Patterned cycles – Every few weeks or months

Rapid cycles – No specific pattern, but often changes within the day, weeks, etc. (many times this can be due to stress and triggers – coping and symptom management is important)

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….. RECOGNIZE THE SIGNS EARLY AND ACT The following are some of the common signs that a negative cycle or episode is occurring:

Sleep Patterns – Sleeping too much or none at all

Eating/Diet – Not eating, excessive eating (especially high sugar, fatty foods)

Crying – Crying easily, sadness, hopelessness, discouraged

Isolation and Agoraphobia – Refusing to leave the house and showing no desire to go out

Fidgeting/Pacing – Not being able to sit still, unable to focus for short periods

Glazed Look – Appearing distant or “spacey,” withdrawn and confused expression

Conversation, Ideas, and Anxiety – Excessive talking, racing thoughts and ideas, irrational and exaggerated thoughts based on true circumstance, feeling superior; non-talkative, unable to converse, easily overwhelmed in conversation, expressing everything through anxious thinking

Thinking and Process – Seemingly slower in formulating ideas and decisions, being more forgetful and off schedule (more than the usual), unable to make decisions

Agitation and Anger – Having trouble maintaining their peace, becoming easily angered, agitated

Substance Abuse – Abusing alcohol and drugs, excessive cigarette smoking

80

Future

❶ ❷ Being aware and having a plan is the key. Your loved Do not exaggerate or overreact. Each time

one is more sensitive to stress, which can serve they get upset it is not necessarily a sign of a

as a trigger. Help them recognize this and complete breakdown. Let them have a bad day

discuss what is helpful for them to manage and give them the opportunity to work through

and cope with difficult symptoms. it on their own. Only offer to help when you can tell they are not recovering.

❸ Respond to Jesus and enjoy your loved one in the process. God is with you and provides wisdom and discernment

when you pray. Most of all, remember God loves them. They may need lots of love and patience, but stability is

possible!

CLOSING PRAYER TIME






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