meet people
TRANSCRIPT
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FOUR STEPS TO DRASTICALLY IMPROVE YOUR DATING
BY ADAM WREN
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PREFACE 1
INTRODUCTION 5
ATTRACTION 7
HONESTY VULNERABILITY 15
REJECTION 20
HAVING FUN 25
CONCLUSION 29
CONTENTS
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Just over 10 years ago, I spent a year in and out of a psychiatric hospital, suffering
with severe depression. I had dropped out of school, was extremely unhappy and
had two very serious suicide attempts that brought me incredibly close to death. On
one occasion an overdose had me within inches of never waking up and left the
doctors wondering how I ever survived. On a separate occasion I had cut myself up
to such a degree that the house resembled that of a murder scene as I’d also taken
drugs to help the process along. I remember almost nothing of either of these
events but it’s safe to say I’m very lucky to still be alive.
What lead to this self destructive behaviour was a combination of growing up with
an abusive stepfather, being bullied at school from a very young age and several
deaths in the family that I just didn’t know how to deal with.
It wasn’t until I was about 19 that I had a psychologist to tell me to harden the fuck
up and do something with my life. At first, I wanted to punch her in the face but her
directness and honesty made me realise through a very long conversation that I amthe only person who is preventing me from moving forward. No amount of
medication would change my life if I wasn’t willing to step up and make changes.
I very gradually pieced my life together through a process of persistent baby steps
forward, progressively building enough momentum to support myself in life. I
managed to gain entry into university (with great difficulty given I had previously
dropped out of school).
At this stage I was still absolutely terrible with women. The thought of approaching
and talking to a stranger on the street or even asking a girl out on a date was justcompletely foreign and didn’t even register in my mind as a possibility. This led me
down a path of bitterness towards women. I would look around and become
frustrated that so many other guys had no problems (or so I thought).
What I did manage to do is make friends with a girl that had a boyfriend. The
relationship between her and I escalated very quickly from being purely platonic to
one of romance and intimacy. Any advance I had the courage to make towards her
was usually whilst we were both under the influence of alcohol.
PREFACE
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Within a few months, I was totally in love with this girl, and despite her being in a
relationship with another guy, she reciprocated the same strong feelings that I had
towards her. We would often go back to my apartment between lectures to fool
around.
Eventually her being with her boyfriend really got to me and further served to fuel
my insecurity. The uncertainty of not knowing whether she’d end up choosing me or
stay with her boyfriend was eating me up on the inside. She told me that she
wanted to be with me but kept on delaying the decision.
I gave her an ultimatum – it was him or me. I, for some reason (possibly denial),
thought that she would instantly break up with him and start a relationship with me.
Oh how naive I was. It didn’t go my way at all.
I was absolutely devastated. I had a sense of loss, felt sorry for myself, anger, and
frustration at the world in general, bitterness at her for doing that, hate for her
boyfriend and an uncanny feeling that I just wasn’t good enough. All this rolled up in
to one giant ball of overemotional shit.
This was the final straw for me. I’d never had success with women before and I just
had my heartbroken. Something needed to change but I had no idea what.
That event gave me motivation to change. I didn’t know what to change or even
how, but I was determined to try.
I spent the next year researching personal development, sales, relationship advice,
picking up, social psychology and just about anything I could get my hands on. I
went out of my way to educate myself in as many ways as possible.
I spent the first six months of that year trying traditional pickup methods. I spent the
majority of the time at shopping centres approaching women using all sorts of lines,
routines and the mentality of ‘pretend I’m not interested while I ”build attraction”’.
I tried to build an identity as a ‘bad boy’ and shaped my life in a way that I thought
women would perceive as attractive.
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The success varied. While I did get laid, the success was fairly short lived. She
would be interested at the start, but as she got to know me and my walls came
down, she would see I was still insecure and needy then lose interest very quickly.
While I did get more attention from women and I did get laid, I was still extremely
unhappy. Something had to be wrong with the “game” and pickup material that I
was reading.
So I stepped back and realised that this whole process was fundamentally flawed.These methods were designed to mask who you really are; to pretend you’re not
interested thereby manipulating women into being attracted to you.
The whole process was about trying to “win” her over regardless of what she’s like
as a person. It comes from a place of neediness instead of a place of true
confidence.
When I tried a more honest and genuine approach, my life changed forever.
I was dating more attractive women that added value to my life, I was moving
forward in life, achieving goals and most importantly, living a lifestyle that I enjoyed
rather than one that was designed to impress people.
A few friends had noticed a dramatic change in me and asked me to help them with
their dating lives. Within a few months, they had achieved awesome results as well.
I realised that helping others was something I really wanted to do – in a way that
helps men grow to be the best they can be instead of teaching guys to be sleaze
bags.
I started Get Good Game in June 2010 and have since spent my time helping bothmen and women with their personal growth and development goals. Living true to
my values, I am constantly educating myself and pushing myself forward so that my
clients can achieve their best results. I have found there is a big difference between
being good with women and being a good coach. As a result, I’ve done my best to
master both. The rest is history.
My story is by no means the worst of its kind. There are plenty of people who have
faced adversity in their journey and dealt with dark experiences. I’ve also been
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fortunate enough to witness many of these people go much further than I have in a
shorter period of time; but this isn’t about comparisons.
Despite having come from a history in which the odds were completely against me,
I have since used what I have learned and experienced to help thousands of guys
drastically improve their dating and personal lives.
And I still love every second of it.
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If I was to have one overarching goal it would be this: For every person that I have
had the opportunity to teach or provide advice to, my goal is to instill in that person
the raw inner confidence and understanding to be able to meet women that are not
only unimaginably gorgeous, but are so incredible in that they completely blow your
mind away – and to top it off, they feel exactly the same way towards you.
In effect, this eBook will pave the way for the fastest, least painful path for moving
forward with personal growth, enabling great results.
I’m sure that you, like millions of people around the world are sick and tired of one
or a few of the following issues:
! Not dating enough
! Terrible sex life
! History of shitty relationships
!
Being hurt in past relationships
! Dating the wrong people
! Not being happy with those you do date or sleep with
These are merely a few examples.
If this is the case, rest assured that you are in the majority of people in the world
who want more from their lives. Unfortunately, millions of people settle into
relationships that they are not happy in, or out of sheer complacency or fear will
stay with someone who is not compatible with them. This leads people down a path
of living very miserable lives, and contributes to society’s ever increasing rate of
divorce. There is nothing wrong with anyone that has shared an experience similar
to this; this simply calls upon a person to be very much aware that they are capable
of achieving far greater happiness.
Like most of my clients, they will share with me stories of previous toxic
relationships, lack of confidence in approaching women, dating the wrong types of
women or simply not knowing what to do to move things forward when they meet
INTRODUCTION
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someone they are interested in. It is far more common than you realize and the
great news is that it doesn’t need to be this way.
What separates you from most people in the world, however, is the fact that you
have taken a step forward to make positive changes. The fact that you are reading
this eBook may seem to be a small action, but it is a step in the right direction that
most don’t have the courage to take. If you can continue to make small steps in the
right direction, you will achieve results beyond what you could imagine.
If you have spent any time at all reading about dating advice, I’m sure you will have
noticed that most of it is either over complicated, misguided or just contradictory.
This eBook is not based on nor intended to give you all the techniques and
methods that are out there. Techniques and methods will not produce the most
fruitful, significant, fast and long-term results.
This eBook will cover the four most vital elements that will totally redefine how you
go about your dating life.
!
Attraction
! Honesty/Vulnerability
! Rejection
! Having fun
You will notice that the focus is more on you as an individual than what you say or
do with women. These four elements are the most fundamental behaviors and
mindsets that you need to develop in order to facilitate drastic changes.
These are the things that I wish had been taught when I was a lot younger, as Ibelieve that without a doubt it would have helped me move forward a lot faster and
with much less pain.
It doesn’t matter if you have never approached a woman before, or have been in
several relationships, your background, the way you were raised, where you’re
from, your age, and so on; none of it matters. What matters is how committed you
are to moving forward.
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Attraction is the core element of dating and a vital tier in all phases of romantic
relationships. Without attraction, a relationship is going to be limited to a friendship
or nothing at all.
An understanding of what is and is not attractive is going to provide you with a true
knowledge and insight as to why sometimes things work out and why sometimes
they don’t.
It’s hard to be objective about a situation when you’re emotionally involved in it. We
often can’t see the forest from the trees. Having a deeper knowledge will bring in to
action mindfulness of that objectivity.
Let’s begin by asking the obvious question… what is attraction? This is something
that has been debated at all levels for years and will continue to be for a very long
time.
“Interpersonal attraction is the attraction between people which leads to friendships
and romantic relationships. Interpersonal attraction, the process, is distinct from
perceptions of physical attractiveness which involves views of what is and is not
considered beautiful or attractive.”
(Thanks Wikipedia)
Clearly that makes it sound pretty unromantic and doesn’t mean much on it’s own.
Let’s simplify it.
Attraction is the sexual and emotional chemistry between two individuals.
ATTRACTION
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We’re going to talk exclusively about romantic attraction because this is the
fundamental precursor to sex, dating, relationships, and so on.
While there are certain qualities that are attractive, we need to focus on who we are
as an individual. We have control over the decisions we make and actions we take.
The right ones will lead to the best short and long term results.
To make it clear, attraction does not have an on and off switch. It is something that
grows, evolves and changes over the course of time and is much more of aspectrum of colour than it is black and white. While physical attraction is usually
what interests people initially, romantic attraction requires so much more.
There are a lot of factors that make someone attractive. If you look at attraction
purely from an evolutionary psychology perspective, people will tend to seek a mate
who is going to provide the greatest chance of having healthy children.
Some of these factors include:
! Health
! Status
!
Power! Money
! Physical looks
If this were the case, we would only see rich good-looking men of high status
attracting women (or at least high quality women). Evidently this fails to take into
account that there is a lot more going on than just evolutionary psychology in the
age we are living in. Since there are plenty of guys out there still dating that do not
fit that criteria, it’s safe to conclude that this is far from 100% accurate.
I personally know a guy who is in his mid 50’s, who is overweight, not at all goodlooking, doesn’t earn a great income, and yet he manages to attract some of the
most incredible women.
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The single most attractive trait that anyone can possess is that of confidence.
There are two types of confidence:
! Core confidence
! Situational confidence
Core confidence relates directly to self-esteem and how you view yourself. It is the
ability to be vulnerable, honest, and not dependent on outcomes. Core confidenceis about trusting your own abilities despite what life throws at you, doing what is
best for you in your life and most importantly, loving who you are.
Situational confidence is having trust in your ability to perform certain tasks. A
former client of mine was an actor. On stage, he had an incredible amount of
presence, energy and an uncanny ability to draw the audience into his performance.
When it came to women however, he could barely talk without mumbling, fidgeting
and looking at the ground. He had situational confidence on stage, but a lack of
core confidence and as a result, was terrible with women.
When it comes to success with women, people struggle the most with therealisation that success with women comes from internal changes.
Learning lines, routines or any pre-scripted phrases will not move you forward.
Whilst pre-scripted lines and routines can give a sense of situational confidence by
means of “having something to say”, it detracts from core confidence that comes
from trusting your own ability to know how to handle whatever happens in a
situation.
The biggest problem with traditional “pick up” advice is that it comes from a place
of neediness. The concepts inherent in most pick up advice is to teach you how to
pick up any girl regardless of what type of person she is; in other words it’s all
about how hot she is. This mentality is extremely needy as it places more
importance on getting the girl than it does on whether she’s an awesome girl or not.
There are plenty of incredibly good-looking women out there who have the
personality of a dead horse. With that said, there are just as many women out there
who are average looking but have mind-blowing personalities. There will come a
point in your life (hopefully) that you realise that it’s not all about hot women and
random sex.
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This isn’t to say that casual sex is a bad thing, it just shouldn’t be ones primary
focus.
Although scripted and methodical approach techniques can certainly give short-
term results in terms of getting a positive reaction in the early stages, it fails very
quickly when the lines and routines run out. This approach is designed to target
insecure women. It essentially teaches men how to hide their own insecurities and
suggests that you need to pretend to be someone you’re not in order to “win the girl
over”.
Once again all of this behaviour is fake confidence designed to hide true
insecurities. Fake confidence demonstrates neediness – which inevitably kill’s
attraction.
Any woman with a reasonable level of self-esteem is not going to respond to things
like “negs” (backhanded compliments or just plain insults) and using tricks to get
her to invest in you.
Ideally, you would eventually if not already want to find someone who is so good
looking that it blows your mind every time you see her, and she has a personality
that keeps you stimulated, interested and inspires you to be the best person that
you can be. That person must see you in the same regard in order for the
relationship to be healthy and sustainable.
It is vital that you place a higher importance of what you think of yourself than on
what others think of you.
Confidence in dating comes from internal factors. Internal factors are derived from
self-esteem. So where does self esteem come from?
The most vital part of high self-esteem is self-acceptance.
Self-acceptance is being 100% happy with who you are right now. Not in 10 years
time when you drive a Ferrari, live in a penthouse and have a body that looks like
it’s been hand crafted in the image of Ryan Reynolds. It is accepting the way things
are right this very moment.
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Having something to talk about means being able to discuss more than what you to
for work or how strange the weather has been. Think it’s obvious? Turns out it’s
not.
One of the biggest complaints I hear from women about previous men that they
have dated is that lots of guys actually don’t have much to talk about, and struggle
to hold a solid conversation.
This doesn’t just apply to men, but the population in general. It is amazing howmany people I meet who really struggle to be engaging in a conversation when
talking about issues other than themselves.
Here are some pro tips:
! Educate yourself
! Have interests
! Try new things
! Live an awesome lifestyle
!
Have opinions! Have values
! Know what’s happening in the world
These are things that give you something interesting and intriguing to talk about
rather than the usual garbage people say when they are talking purely for the sake
of talking. Talking for the sake of it is just verbal diarrhoea; it’s all shit and just keeps
flowing out.
Being able to hold a conversation and allow it to flow from topic to topic in an
engaging manner where you are both captivated is going to build an incrediblystrong connection.
Conversations that are both interesting and engaging are crucial for building strong
connections. So when your parents said, “Don’t talk about religion or politics” –
ignore it. They were wrong.
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I’m sure you can do this with any of your close friends, so you can do exactly the
same when talking to strangers. Most of the time people are too caught up in their
own thoughts. They focus so much on what to say next rather allowing the
conversation to take its course.
Show interest in her.
Everyone’s favourite subject seems to be themselves. Since we know our own lives
the best, it’s a pretty easy subject for us to talk about. So talking about ourselves allday isn’t the best way of getting to know someone.
Come from a place of curiosity and learn as much about her as you can. If this is
someone whom you know nothing about, it’s a chance to learn about who they are
as a person, what they stand for and most importantly, if you are going to get along.
Don’t fall into the trap of asking about meaningless rubbish for the sake of keeping
a conversation going, but find out what they are passionate about. When you’re
talking about passions, hopes and dreams, you’re finding out more about the core
of them, and it treats them like an individual rather than just a stranger that you’ve
met.
Some of the most interesting people I have ever met have been people from whom I
have expected the least. Never assume anything about anyone. Appreciating them
for who they are as an individual is an extremely attractive quality.
Don’t ask question after question or it will feel like a job interview. Allow the
conversation to flow by listening to what she is saying and respond to what she has
said rather than just asking another question.
Attraction is a fairly complex subject when it comes to the psychological aspect.There are still many areas relating to attraction that I have intentionally omitted
because they are either beyond the scope of this eBook, or don’t play as dramatic a
role.
Psychologists themselves still do not fully understand exactly how attraction works
on a neurological level, but at the end of the day, that is not what’s important.
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Playing games, pretending to be a bad boy and manipulative techniques are not
going to get you anywhere beyond the surface. If you want to be
attractive, you need much more than that.
Build your self-esteem by accepting who you are in the here and the now. Keep on
growing to be the best version of yourself. Not for anyone else, but for you.
Hold true to your values and your own identity. If someone disagrees with you,
that’s fine, not everyone is compatible. It may not even be a value that’s going tocause conflict. Knowing who you are and what you stand for is what makes you,
you.
Learn to allow conversations to flow to the point you wonder about how you ended
up on a topic. Keep it interesting, fun, flirtatious, polarising and you’ll be well on
your way! The ability to do this will make you stand out well above everyone else.
Be curious about her individuality as well. No one wants to be treated like a nobody.
Show her that you are interested in more than what she looks like and you will stand
out well above most men.
Building your confidence, self esteem and coming from the right mindset is going to
make a significantly bigger difference to how attractive you are.
Attraction is about who you are,
not what you have.
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Honesty and vulnerability are two things that are drastically lacking in the realm of
dating and relationships. Interestingly, these are two of the most important factors
that pave the way for happy and healthy relationships. This applies to just about
every aspect of life, not just dating.
Honesty needs to be our first point of focus before vulnerability. Personal growth
and development in life starts with being honest with yourself and your intentions at
all times and at all costs.
Ask yourself this: have I set my goals because they are what I want to achieve or
because I think it will make someone else happy? Am I sleeping with this girl
because she’s an absolute champion or because I'm scared of being alone?
If you’re sleeping with a lot of women to validate yourself (ego), prove to your
friends that you are awesome or to fill a void of unhappiness within yourself, then
you need to reassess and get your own shit together before you are really going tomove forward in dating.
When you are honest with yourself, you gain the ability to make much better
decisions about what you want in life and will allow you to make much better
decisions in your life. Lying to yourself about what makes you happy and how you
feel about things is a fast track to low self-esteem.
In dating, honesty in your intentions and in your emotions are absolutely vital for
success.
If you want to sleep with a girl and have no strings attached, be honest about it! If
you are looking to get married and have a hundred babies, again, be honest about
it!
There is nothing wrong with casual sex or one night stands. If each of you are on
the same page with what you want and continue that honesty, then it can be an
awesome experience. The same principle applies with one-night stands. If all you
want is something for one night, have the balls to make it clear and don’t pretend
you want something more.
HONESTY AND VULNERABILITY
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When approaching a girl out of the blue, there is nothing wrong with your first line
stating your intentions – within a socially intelligent context.
For example, if you see a short petite beautiful blonde girl with bright blue eyes
walking down the street, you can open with “Hey, I just saw you and thought you
were absolutely gorgeous because xyz”. Whilst pulling this off correctly involves a
high level of non-verbal communication, it is about going in with a totally honest
approach. You are making it very clear that the reason you approached her is
because her looks are what attracted you to her.
This approach is going to be extremely polarizing and will inevitably push some
people away. This isn’t necessarily a bad thing, because if they walk away from a
situation after you have been honest, it was never going to work out. If you had kept
quiet, anything further would be based on misconceptions or fall apart later down
the track. Remember, this honest approach is an attractive quality and
demonstrates a lot of courage.
As I've explained in the previous 'Attraction' chapter, being honest is also about
standing up for the type of behaviour you expect from others and the ability to hold
true to your values without compromise.
If you have ever had to be brutally honest with someone you deeply care about, you
would be well aware that it is not an easy thing to do. Why? We don’t want to either
upset them, or get rejected.
Honesty requires vulnerability
Vulnerability is putting your balls on a chopping block, handing someone a hammer
and saying, “come at me bro”.
Vulnerability requires you to put yourself in a precarious position in which you may
be judged, rejected, or even offend someone.
Approaching a girl on the street, going for a number, going in for a kiss, being
honest about how you feel, knowing and admitting your faults; these are all
examples of vulnerability.
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Most importantly, vulnerability requires you to be your honest self and be happy
with who you are. As the old saying goes:
“You just need to be your self.”
We were all told this was the secret to dating from a very early age. Unfortunately,
due to the lack of understanding from everyone who said it, there was a huge lack
of context behind it, thus making it totally meaningless. Especially since you didn’t
really know who you were or what you stood for at an early age.
There are some traits that you have due to genetics, and others due to the
environment in which you have been raised in or are in currently. It’s a fact of life.
While there are things that we can always improve upon, it is vital to understand
that if there are qualities that you don’t like about yourself and you look at them
negatively, it is going to be a pretty hard thing to change.
What you resist persists.
What you hate you create.
Understand that no one is perfect and no one ever will be. You can always aim to
improve but you will never achieve perfection. To improve these things, you first
need to own your faults and fully accept them.
Being vulnerable is about knowing your own faults. Being a moron is ignoring them
and pretending you are perfect.
Vulnerability is not about opening up and telling your life story to prove that you are
a vulnerable guy. Doing this with the aim of impressing her or trying to win her over
is purely neediness.
Being vulnerable and opening up does not mean that you should be giving your life
story on the first date either. This sets off alarm bells to women, suggesting that you
have emotional baggage. It’s perfectly fine for her to know everything about you,
but let her find out as time goes on. Keep a bit of mystery. Not for the purpose of
playing games, but because should both be investing equal amounts in each other
at equal times. If that happens, it’s a very good sign things are going to turn out
well.
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Being vulnerable, despite common misconceptions, is a masculine trait. It does not
mean being overly emotional, but rather knowing your flaws and being able to admit
them, whilst putting in a conscious effort to improve on whatever those flaws may
be.
What you should look for is someone who wants you for you, unashamedly;
someone who adds value to your life and brings out the best in you. This does not
mean you should cease endeavouring to grow to be the best version of yourself.
Let's look at a personal example of mine where things went wrong due to a lack of
honesty, vulnerability and a blatant lack of compatibility.
Years ago when I was first studying and learning about the concepts of honesty and
vulnerability, I was dating a girl significantly younger than me. She was a stunning
blonde with the biggest blue eyes you’ve ever seen (apparently this is my type). She
was extremely artistic, open minded, open hearted, totally selfless and overall an
incredible human being.
We started dating before we got to know each other very well and ended up in a
relationship faster than we should have (hindsight is 20/20).
As the relationship progressed and both of our walls came down it became quite
apparent that we were, in fact, very different individuals. Our differences in interests
were never the issue, but rather our differences in the way we handled our
emotions.
I had learned to be fairly open about my emotions and any insecurity I had, but
when I did, she didn’t know how to handle it and was really put off. Nor would she
open up to me about what was going on inside her head when things were going on
in her life. As a result, I found myself becoming less and less open around her.
This dynamic continued and inevitably resulted in a complete breakdown in
communication in the relationship and led to its demise.
I had to be honest with myself that we weren’t compatible, and furthermore I had to
be honest with her about that. This certainly wasn’t easy on my behalf because she
was someone whom I cared deeply for despite our differences. In breaking up with
her, I had to be both honest and vulnerable in explaining how I felt. It was made
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worse by the fact that it was the first time I saw her cry, but the reality of it was, it
just wasn’t going to work.
The lack of honesty and vulnerability occurred on both our behalves and eventually
caused the end of the relationship.
Contrary to that experience, some of the best relationships or even flings I have had
were with women with whom I have been totally open and honest, and they have
given me the same in return. If for some reason one of us ended up on a differentpage from the other in terms of how we felt, we would open up, talk about it and
decide what to do from there.
At the end of the day, taking risks is an absolute necessity if you wish to move
forward and grow as a person. If we didn’t take risks, we would stay home in a giant
bubble wrap blanket and never talk to anyone. In reality, we take risks every day.
What we are talking about here are taking risks that effect our emotions or those of
others we care about, and this can be much more daunting.
You need to take risks to do what’s best for you. Have the balls to leave the girl that
you are in love if you know deep down she isn’t good for you. Take the risk of telling
that tall hot red head at the coffee shop that you think she’s stunning and you’d
love to find out more about her. Take the risk of being yourself on a first date even
though she may not like anything about the way you live your life.
Vulnerability is the opposite of ego. Vulnerability is the difference between high self-
esteem versus low self-esteem. Ego on the other hand is something that we all have
at some level and it’s ingrained deeply within us. It is something that we see
everywhere, especially in pick up artists.
As a mentor many years ago explained to me, ego is that little voice inside yourhead that tells you that you’re okay. It’s your subconscious defence mechanism.
When things are not going well in life, dating in particular, it leads us to thoughts like
“I’m awesome with women”, when in reality you haven’t had a quality date yet or a
non—psychopathic girlfriend in several years.
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Putting on a show and trying to impress women by talking yourself up, or by
pretending you have more money than you actually do, or bragging to your friends
about how many phone numbers you got on a night out even though none of them
have called back, are all examples of egotistical behaviour.
Don’t think that vulnerability is spilling your guts and telling a girl that you are
completely in love with her. This isn’t going to make her suddenly want to be with
you. Life doesn’t work like that.
It took vulnerability for me to admit that I was useless with women. I would have
had more chance of being struck by lightning twice on the same day as winning the
lottery than I would get the number of a girl who I had just met.
Decide what you really want and go for it. If you want to approach a girl because
she is stunning, then pick your balls up and do it. Tell her why you approached her.
If it’s because she looks amazing in that dress, say it. This is being brutally honest,it takes vulnerability because she might not be the slightest bit interested and it is
extremely polarizing.
Honesty is being aware of how you feel & expressing it; vulnerability is having the
balls to express that in spite of fear of rejection or failure.
Be yourself, unashamedly and unconditionally. You have to live with yourself every
second for the rest of your life, so you may as well start building your self esteem
and love yourself.
Although you can still end up in a relationship or possibly even sleep with a few
women while you actively do nothing with your life and put on an act to trick women
into liking you, it is not going attract highly attractive women who are going to add
value to your life.
Most importantly, drop the ego; not just for the sake of being better with women but
for yourself. It’s the opposite of honesty and vulnerability.
REJECTION
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We’ve all been rejected at one point or another, whether it is by a girl we’ve just met
or someone we care about. If you haven’t been rejected, you have probably never
left your bedroom.
There are times where it can really hurt, especially if it’s by someone we love. This
can be caused by their losing interest, cheating on you or by simply not giving you a
chance in the first place.
Rejection is not as scary as it is made out to be, provided we look at it the rightway.
One of the worst rejections I have ever had was when I was at McDonalds grabbing
a quick snack. I saw a beautiful brunette sitting by herself while the place was fairly
busy. After getting my order, I decided to approach her.
I walked up to her feeling confident as hell and said something along the lines of
“Hey, I’m Adam” – nothing direct, intimidating or even bullshit. But her response I
will never forget.
“FUCK… OFF!!!!”
It was so loud that the whole place went silent and everyone started looking at me. I
didn’t even have a chance to sit down. I had no idea how to handle it. So many
things went through my head but I was in such shock from getting a reaction like
that that I didn’t even know what to say. So I walked off with my tail between my
legs and tried to pretend that nothing ever happened.
It sucked, to say the least. It’s fair to say I was pretty embarrassed. Now every
person that was there probably had his or her own opinions of what had happened,
but I realized that it didn’t matter what anyone else thought.
How I approached her, what I had said, what I was wearing, and so on would have
made little difference in this scenario. The reality of it is, that she was either in the
world’s worst mood or she was an extremely miserable person, especially to treat a
complete stranger like that. Don’t get me wrong, if I had been harassing her for
ages or had done something rude, it would be understandable. Yet the reality of it
was, I had done nothing but say hello. I would never want to date or sleep with a
person who treats people like that.
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When you approach a girl and she either walks away or says something in an
attempt to get you to leave, there is usually one of two (or both) things going on.
1. She is purely not interested in you.
Not matter how well you approach or how good your game is, there will
always be people that just aren’t attracted to you. It is a fact of life that is
completely unavoidable.
2. She isn’t in the right state of mind.
There is no way you will ever really know what’s going on inside the head of
someone else. She might have had a bad day, she might be stressed out or a
truck might have just hit her mum.
It is absolutely vital that you understand that you cannot FORCE someone to likeyou. No matter what marketing you see, or what people try to convince you, it is
absolutely impossible to trick someone into liking you for who you truly are. All you
can do is give yourself the best opportunity by being the best person you can be,
being honest and being vulnerable (we’ll get to that soon).
As attractive as you may be, you still don’t have full control over the situation. Girls
will turn you down all the time. This doesn’t mean there is anything ‘wrong’ with
you. Despite any flaws you may have, if someone is compatible with you, those
flaws won’t be an issue. Never take rejection as a personal attack on you.
Place a higher importance of your self than on someone else.
Having high self esteem and putting your own wants and needs above others
opinions is going to significantly help the way you feel about someone turning you
down. If you have a great group of friends, love your job and live a happy and fun
lifestyle, does it really matter what a girl, who you know nothing about, thinks of
you? Absolutely not.
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Let’s face it; the best stories come from rejection. It either goes well, or you have a
hilarious story to tell your friends. Provided you keep a positive attitude about
rejection or being turned down, it can only make you stronger. If you fall into the
trap of internalising a bad response and you take personally, it will affect your self-
esteem. Mentality is everything.
An objection does not mean rejection.
There will be times when you get turned down not because they aren’t interested,but because there are other factors going on. There have been hundreds of times
that I’ve gone for a phone number, first kiss or sex and been turned down. This
doesn’t mean that they won’t want to at a later stage. They may just not be ready to
take that leap of faith and invest in you yet. Every girl is different and depending on
the individual, it may take a longer time before she’s willing to open herself up to
you.
This is most evident when you first approach someone. People generally have their
guard up because you are a stranger, they don’t know your intentions and
potentially hundreds of other reasons.
If you don’t get a positive response or she isn’t jumping at the chance to find out
about you, it’s not necessarily your fault. While there may be factors such as you
having bad breath or something similar, it’s far more likely that she has her guard up
because of the circumstances of the situation.
The best way to overcome this is to learn to be comfortable with any initial
awkwardness and give her a chance to relax and open up. There’s no need to run
away with your tail between your legs if it doesn’t all go perfectly within the first 30
seconds. The same applies to dating. Some women can take a few dates before
they are really willing to open up.
An important factor in the back of women’s minds is safety, and trust is something
that we need as human beings. If you demonstrate a behavior which indicates to
her that she can’t be vulnerable around you, attraction will die very quickly. So if
you don’t react well when she doesn’t sleep with you on the first date, she’s not
going to feel safe around you.
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As a personal example: I had gone on a date with a beautiful blonde girl I had met a
few days earlier through a friend. We started off having a few drinks at a bar on the
river, and then went to the roof of my apartment building, kissed for a while, and
then I took her back inside to my bedroom.
Things started getting pretty heated until she said, “I don’t know if I’m ready to
sleep with you yet”. I was completely alright with that. Things got heated for a while,
and then we called it quits for the night. The next time I saw her, she knew she
could feel safe around me and was clearly much more comfortable, and ready totake things further.
Even though rejection can be something over which you have no control, by no
means should you become narcissistic about it and claim that it is always someone
else’s fault. You still need to take responsibility over the things you do have control
over, such as your ability to handle rejection, and have a desire to be the best
person that you can be.
Confidence isn't about being so amazing that you will never be turned down, but
rather about having the ability to move forward from rejection and not let it change
the way you feel about yourself.
Rejection can be painful, so learn to look at it from a positive perspective. Learn to
deal with the discomfort and your confidence will soar.
Become comfortable with being uncomfortable.
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If you’re not having fun, what’s the point?
Pushing yourself outside of your comfort zone is not easy. If it is, you are not
pushing yourself enough. With that said, it does not mean you can’t enjoy the
process.
The difference is in your mentality.
The way you perceive a situation will shape what inevitably happens. If you only
focus on the parts that scare you, it’s going to be a pretty average experience, yet if
you focus on the fact that you are doing something awesome for your confidence
and go in thinking “yes, it might be scary, but I can’t wait to try it and see what
happens” the ride is going to be much more enjoyable.
Safety is always the easy option, but there is a lot more fun to be had in taking risks.
The risk doesn’t need to be big; it might be as simple as going in for a first kiss orasking for a phone number. You may well get turned down, or it might go better
than expected, but not knowing what will happen is half the fun.
When you are enjoying something, your mind frees up cognitive space to think and
do more than panic and wonder what to say next.
Conversation, flirtatious behavior, sexual escalation and everything else will flow a
million times easier when you’re having fun, because when you’re having fun, you’re
relaxed.
The good thing about the human brain is that it cannot truly feel two opposing
emotions at exactly the same time, so if you’re having fun and you’re relaxed, it’s
hard to be nervous at the same time – and vice versa.
Learn to embrace the nervousness. Once you acknowledge that it is there, and stop
fighting it, it will usually subside.
HAVING FUN
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The same applies to the feeling of awkwardness. Chances are that at some stage
things will get awkward. Whether it is through rejection, or one of you says
something totally out of place.
Being able to handle awkwardness and social tension is an extremely attractive
quality as it shows huge amounts of confidence. Handling social tension and being
able to deal with silence can give the woman you are talking to the chance to start
investing in the conversation, as most of the time they won’t be able to handle that
tension and will talk just to fill the silence.
The more relaxed you are in the interaction, the more relaxed she will feel. As a
result, she is far more likely to invest and want to get to know more about you.
Play with this idea, have fun and laugh at the situation when it gets awkward. You
will be amazed at how easily a situation can be turned around when you’re both
laughing at it.
We learn things extremely quickly when we first start something new. However,
there will be a time when you reach a learning plateau. Everyone does and there is
no way of avoiding it.
Do not become frustrated by this. All that will do is make you feel like shit and the
second that happens, you’ll start going backwards.
The best thing you can do is change the way you go about things; mix it up a bit.
If you’ve been trying to meet girls during the day, try doing it at night instead.
Perhaps even step back from it completely and focus more on yourself and building
a lifestyle that’s going to make you happier on the whole, then go back in bigger,
stronger and ready to kick ass.Having fun isn’t all about dating though. Fun should be a part of your every day life.
Do not fall into the trap of doing things in life that are designed to impress or please
others. This is exceptionally needy behavior and will put people off very quickly
when they see through the façade. This is the sort of thing people do when they are
“trying too hard”.
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You need both something to strive towards, and the ability to be happy in the
present, and appreciate the process.
With an understanding of what you want and being happy with where you are, it is
then up to you to set goals to reach your ideal lifestyle.
Chances are you won’t get that million-dollar penthouse overlooking the ocean
within the year, so make them realistic, achievable and make yourself accountable
to them. It’s important that you understand that only your motivation and takingaction will help you reach your goals.
Once, I got into an argument with a psychology professor whom I used to know well
and debate with from time to time. We got discussing what it means to be happy.
My first response was “to lie on your death bed and have no regrets”. Initially she
laughed and said that no one dies without regrets. I think that’s crap. I want you to
lie on your deathbed and not have any regrets, but to be able to think:
“Wow, my life was fucking awesome!”
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Attraction is fairly complex subject on a neurological level but it is not something of
which you need a deep understanding. What is vital is that you be the best person
you can be.
Being an attractive person is not about playing games or manipulating people. You
need to be happy with who you are before you will be truly happy with anyone else.
It all starts with building your self-esteem and being the best person that you can
be.
While you can never ‘make’ someone become attracted to you, because not
everyone is compatible, by being the best person you can be you are setting
yourself up for the best chance. Put more focus on building a lifestyle that makes
you happy as an individual rather than one that is designed to impress people.
Aim to be the best person you can be for your own sake, not for anyone else’s. This
will make you significantly more attractive than any line or quick fix will.
Honesty and vulnerability is the key to building solid attraction. Be honest with
yourself, your intentions and never pretend to be someone you are not. Opening
yourself up to rejection is the secret to vulnerability. This takes a lot of courage and
is extremely polarizing.
We all have qualities that are both desirable and less desirable; it is part of being
human. This doesn’t mean you should not work on improving things. Don’t just be
yourself, but be your best self.
Rejection. Yep, it’s going to happen, get used to it. It is a natural part of life and it’s
going to easily sort out with whom you are and are not compatible.
It comes down to how you deal with it. With the right mentality and realizing that it is
not actually a big deal, your anxiety levels will drop significantly and talking to and
dating women will become a whole lot easier.
CONCLUSION
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We all make mistakes in life and we will all continue to make them. What is
important is that you learn from it and do your best not to make the same mistake
again.
Stepping outside of that nice warm and cozy safety bubble that we call our comfort
zone can be scary. If it’s not scary, you haven’t really left it. That doesn’t mean you
can’t enjoy stepping outside of your comfort zone. Think of it as going on a ghost
tour. You know you’ll shit yourself, but love every minute of it.
Taking risks is what makes life exciting – embrace whatever happens. Things won’t
always go well, but you still have control over where you put your focus. If things go
well, celebrate it. If things don’t, celebrate the fact that you took a risk.
Having one-night stands, dating, or relationships should not be a giant pissing
contest based on who has slept with the most or the hottest women. This
egotistical behavior won’t get you far.
If you can pick up the hottest girl in the club, that is all well and good, but when she
leaves in the morning and won’t call you back because you have nothing else going
for you, you are back to square one.
Dating should not be about “how I can get this girl to like me?” but is she going to
add value to my life and can I add value to hers?
Where you go from here and what you do with this information is purely up to you.
Anyone can improve and change their lives but it needs to be a conscious choice.
There is no shame in asking for direction. Even though I’ve been coaching for over
four years, I still seek guidance from other coaches with whom I work, friends,
mentors, and so on. No matter where you are in life, there is always room forimprovement.
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I want everyone that reads this to get to a point where you are able to be the most
attractive person you can be, be honest and vulnerable, handle rejection no matter
how bad it may seem, and have an absolute bucket load of fun along the way.
I can give you the best information in the world but at the end of the day, you are
the one that has to use the knowledge you take away from this.
So what did you take away from this eBook and what are you going to do with it?
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The Easy Way – Four Fundamen-
tal Steps to Drastically Improve Your
Dating
An introductory eBook that covers
four critical pillars that are going to
bring the easiest, yet most dramatic
changes to the way in which you go
about meeting women, dating and
building awesome relationships. With
so much advice out there that is of-
ten either wrong or contradictory, it is
easy to be misguided and end up no
better off than you started. This eB-
ook goes about breakings down how
most of what is being taught is wrong,
and what you can do that is right.
INSIDE