mediating with mongolian families july...

Mediating with Mongolian Families

July 2019

Presented by Katherine Johnson, PhD

(Law)

Loss fuels the meaning we give to Life

Property of Katherine Pavlidis JohnsonProperty of Katherine Pavlidis Johnson, PhD

Link with the Natural World

Honouring Mongolian Traditions

Nomadic to City

Rapidly vanishing

harmony between man

and nature

Mongolian People’s Republic, 1924 – 1992

Capturing the link with nature

Nation Building Through Mediation

Alcoholism and petty crimes

The Normative

Information Session

Presented by Katherine Johnson, PhD

(Law)

When all else fails! Mediation


Loss of Relationship

12% Success Rate Family Mediation

The constant factor of change is Loss

Loss offers an opportunity for a

better understanding of Psychology

Normative Information Session

Two stages:

◦ Working knowledge of theories the NIS

◦ Independent intake process for mediation in the Family Courts

Theories of NIS – the basis of developing

empathy

Elements of Growth through Loss Significance of relationships Mindfulness Relational Learning Transactional Analysis Extension to Observer Self DISC Model Meaning Reconstruction Chaos Theory

The NIS concentrates on the value

of human relationships

Cyclical Nature of Mindfulness

RELATIONAL LEARNING

Reality can be so complex that equally valid observations

from differing perspectives can appear to be contradictory

Observer Self

Adult

Parent

Child

Transactional Analysis and Observer Self

Social Constructionism in action, i.e.,

moving forward with the loss

accommodating the individual with society.

Relational learning and meaning re-

construction to make sense of the loss

(readiness and willingness affecting the

ability to move forward from the loss).

Relational Learning sharing personal

constructs around each other’s loss (Logic,

Willpower and Reason) attempting to make

sense of the loss.

Feelings and experiences around loss affecting

readiness to share.

Bern

e’s

Tra

nsacti

on

al A

naly

sis

Property of Katherine Pavlidis Johnson, PhD

DISC Model

Psychology

The Individual

LawThe Society

The Continuum of Dispute Resolution as an Agent for

Social Change – An Analysis of Mediation as Social

Constructionism (Micro View)

MediationThe individual

in society

Mediation as the “Game in the Making”

That is, parties sharing their experiences grounded

in their loss in a legal context to identify and address

a new set of rules around the issues, i.e, parties act

as grounded researchers (Charmaz).

The marriage between Psychology and Law

To address Loss


Chaos Theory

Unfolding relationships in mediation

resemble Chaos Theory

Parties’ Opening

Statements

Option Generation

Private Caucus

Exploration Phase

Decision Making to Social

Change

The Continuum of Dispute Resolution as an Agent for

Social Change – An Analysis of Mediation as Social

Constructionism (Micro View)

(3) Re-Constructing the

Loss Individually• Reality testing from possible to

probable options to enable

individual meaning re-

construction around loss

(Neimeyer and Sands)

(1) Identifying individual

Loss• Issue identification – each party

explaining their own personal

constructs around the Loss

(Kelly)

(5) Loss: an Agent for

Organic Social

Change: Observer

Self• From probable options to

decision making to live with the

losses through agreement. That

is:

(2) Deconstructing the Loss• Assessing the severity of the grief in

relation to the capacity to understand the

other’s perspective (Child/Parent)

• Engaging Relational Learning –

exploring the level of readiness and

willingness to understand and/or address

each other’s worldviews/personal

constructs around the losses.

• Engaging Mindfulness (Vago and

Silberswieg) to consider options which

can enable meaning re-construction

through Adult-Adult transactions

(Berne) around the losses

(4) Shared Re-Construction

of the losses• Reality test for probable options that

enable shared meaning-re-construction

around the losses

• Shared meaning re-

construction + individual

relational learning = the

formation of new social

relations = social change

Congratulations!


Guideline 1: What is Mediation?

Communicate with each other.

Understand each other’s point of view.

Explore ideas and options

Find solutions which are fair and acceptable to both of you.

Mediation is a co-operative decision making

process which is confidential and voluntary

The Mediators will assist you to:-


Guideline 2: Ways of solving conflict?

Competitive – Winning at all costs. A person tries to get what they want

at the expense of the other person. Co-operative – negotiating for mutual

satisfaction. Focus on solving problems. Collaborative win/win negotiation Meets people’s needs.


Guideline 3: What to expect in Mediation?

Mediators do not take sides. No counselling / therapy or legal

advice offered. Fair process Sharing of relevant information. Listening to each other’s point of view Future focused Mutual decisions Confidentiality – child abuse is

reported.


Guideline 4: Mapping the conflict

What is the issue/ problem/ conflict?

How many parties are there?

Write down each person’s needs- What motivated them?

Write down each person’s anxieties or fears.

List those areas we have in common?

What are the options?


Guideline 4: Mapping the conflict


Guideline 5: Mapping the conflict – Relational LearningDr Isolina Ricci’s Description of Relationships

Acquaintances or Business

• No assumptions

• Formal courtesies

• Public structured meetings

• Explicit agreements

• Low risk disclosure

• High personal privacy

Negative Intimacy

• Negative assumptions/expectations

• Distrust, disrespect, disloyalty

• Confidences not respected

• Negative implicit agreements/assumptions

• Competitiveness

• Disclosure to hurt the other

• Insecurity, discomfort

• Max intensity of feelings/emotions

Friendship

• Increased assumptions/expectations

• Growing trust, respect, understanding

• Increased emotional exchange

• Increased private meetings

Positive Intimacy

• Positive assumptions/expectations

• Trust, respect, loyalty

• Confidences protected

• Positive implicit agreements/assumptions

• Support/co-operation

• High positive disclosure

• Security, comfort

• Max intensity of feelings/emotions

• high personal privacy

Low/Formal Intensity Investment Involvement of Emotions High/Intimate


Guideline 6: Understanding the Loss The Process of Separation

• Denial & Disbelief

• Confusion

• Relief

• No acceptance of loss

Shock

• Blame – Self, partner, third partyAnger

• Depression

• Feeling of worthlessness

• Low self-esteemSadness

• Parental relationships

• Reorganising life

• Coping with new roles

Moving Forward

• Loss of trust• Withdrawal• Gradual acceptance

• Developing new roles• Personal Growth


Guideline 7: Readiness to Move Forward


Guideline 8: Understanding Conflict Resolution


Guideline 9: Preparation for Mediation

1 Define ISSUES/NEEDS for your side

- Substantive

- Relational/emotional

- Procedural

and then PRIORITISE them

- Must have

- Would like to have

- Can trade

2 SAME for the other side

3 Create some possible SOLUTIONS to satisfy the needs and priorities of both sides

4 Find both side’s best and worst ALTERNATIVE SOLUTIONS if agreement is NOT

reached at the mediation

5 Ascertain both side’s AUTHORITY to mediate

6 Decide whether to use a negotiating TEAM

7 Research the other side’s NEGOTIATION STYLE and plan strategies to work with that

style

8 Decide on LOCATION for and TIMING of the formal mediation session


Guideline 10: Questionnaire to prepare for

mediation

1 What am I hoping to achieve through mediation?

2 What are my issues and concerns and how do I rank them in terms of importance?

3 What might the other side hope to achieve by going to mediation?

4 What might be the other side’s issues and concerns and how might they rank them?

5 What are the possible options for settlement that satisfy my needs and priorities?

6 What are the possible options for settlement that satisfy the other side’s needs and priorities?

7 If I do not settle my dispute at mediation what:

- could be the best alternative?

- could be the worst alternative?

8 Does the person who will attend the mediation have complete authority to settle?

9 Should I be sending more than one person to mediation?

10 Am I prepared to completely reappraise my view of the dispute based on what I see, hear and

learn at the mediation?


The DISC Model – Personal Traits

Direct Influencer

Conscientious Stabiliser

People Focused

TaskFocused

Extravert

Introvert

25

30

35

40

45

50

55

60

65

70

75

80

85

90

95

100

25 30 35 40 45 50 55 60 65 70 75 80 85 90 95 100


Extravert Personal TraitsQuadrant D (Direct Style)

Strengths Improvement Opportunities

Organised Flexibility

Accomplishes tasks Openness

Independent Acceptance of others

Determined Acknowledgement of others

Leaders Co-operation

Goal-oriented “win-win”

Efficient Patience

Direct Encourage others

Strong willed Sensitivity

Decision makers Listen to others

Delegation

Relax


Extravert Personal TraitsQuadrant I (Influencer Style)


Creative Listen receptively

Motivating Follow through

Brainstormer Think before act

Enthusiastic Organisation

Imaginative Plan

Fun loving Do your homework

Energetic Discipline

Risking Set goals/objectives

Competitive “just the facts”

Social skills Straight forward communication


The DISC Model – Personal Traits

Direct Influencer

Conscientious Stabiliser

People Focused

TaskFocused

Extravert

Introvert

25 30 35 40 45 50 55 60 65 70 75 80 85 90 95 100

25

30

35

40

45

50

55

60

65

70

75

80

85

90

95

100


Introvert Personal TraitsQuadrant S (Stabiliser Style)


Empathetic Speak up

Assisting Act – take the initiative

Likeable Be direct

Easygoing Express point of view

Intuitive Give feedback

Agreeable Risk

Personable Prioritise

Good listeners Learn to say NO!

Loyal


Introvert Personal TraitsQuadrant C (Conscientious Style)


Logical Make decisions

Problem solvers Implement decisions

Grounded Spontaneity

Gather data Fun

Listeners Communicate

Steady Take the lead

Detail oriented Reach out to people

Systematic/Methodical

Rational

Thorough

Advisors

Knowledgeable


Negotiating Stylistic Differences

Persons with Direct Style Influencer Style Stabiliser Style Conscientious

Style

Need to learn

to:

Listen to feelings as

well as words.

Humility.

Pause, check

themselves. Count

to 10. Discipline.

Reach for goals.

Determination.

Make decisions

without waiting for

more data. Initiation.

Measure

progress by:

Results. Goal

oriented; may run

over people to get

there.

Applause. Active,

dominant feedback

from audience.

Attention. Like to

have others stroke

them.

Activity. Keep busy

and results will fall

into place.

Must be allowed

to:

Get into

competitive

situations and try to

win.

Get ahead quickly

with a fast moving

challenge.

Relax and feel good

about the people

around them.

Be let off the hook,

not cornered or

pressured.

Will ask: What? (The results

oriented question)

Who? (The

personal, dominant

question)

Why? (The personal,

non-goal question)

How? (The technical

analytical question)

Needs leadership

which:

Allows them

freedom to do

things his/her own

way.

Inspires them to

bigger and better

accomplishments.

Details specific plans

and activities.

Structures a

framework or track

to follow.

Property of Katherine Pavlidis Johnson


Negotiating Stylistic Differences

Persons with Direct Style Influencer Style Stabiliser Style Conscientious

Style

Save. Time. They come

across as busy and

efficient.

Effort. They like to

take the easy way.

Relationships.

friendship means a

lot to them.

Face. They hate to

look bad or get

caught without

data.

Take endorsement

from:

Getting the job

done well and on

time.

Social skills. They

like to be good at

winning people.

Friends. If they still

like me, I must be

doing it right.

Knowledge. They

relate to others

around information.

Become most

effective with:

Position of

authority and

responsibility.

Some structure

within which to

reach the goal.

Structure for the

goal and methods

for the task.

Place to apply

logical analysis.

Rely on the power

of:

Personality. They

hope they’re strong

enough to wing it.

Feeling. Expects

their winning ways

will carry them

through.

Acceptance. Their

ability to stroke

others will save the

day.

Expertise. When in

doubt, go to the

well and bring

more data.


Traits List ‘A’ (Task Oriented-People Focused)

Circle the number which suits you best and write the sum here: _______

Random 1 2 3 4 Methodical

Expressive 1 2 3 4 Private

Relationship-

oriented

1 2 3 4 Task oriented

Spontaneous 1 2 3 4 Calculated

Gregarious/

Warm

1 2 3 4 Aloof/

Cool

Disorganised 1 2 3 4 Organised

Impulsive 1 2 3 4 Discriminating

Close 1 2 3 4 Distant

Relaxed 1 2 3 4 Self-controlled

Unstructured 1 2 3 4 Structured

Casual/

Disorderly

1 2 3 4 Neat/

Orderly

Tolerant 1 2 3 4 Exacting/

Meticulous

Guided by

inspiration

1 2 3 4 Guided by facts

Demonstrative 1 2 3 4 undemonstrative

Trusting 1 2 3 4 Sceptical

Intuitive 1 2 3 4 Logical

Lenient 1 2 3 4 Strict

Available 1 2 3 4 Undisclosed

Inconsistent 1 2 3 4 Disciplined

Personal 1 2 3 4 Impersonal

Other-directed 1 2 3 4 Self-directed

Friendly 1 2 3 4 Reserved

Feels 1 2 3 4 Thinks

Unconventional 1 2 3 4 Conventional

Likes to work

on a team

1 2 3 4 Likes to work

alone


Traits List ‘B’ (Introvert-Extravert)

Circle the number which suits you best and write the sum here: _______

Initiating 1 2 3 4 Yielding

Firm 1 2 3 4 Flexible

Self-reliant 1 2 3 4 Supportive

Decides

quickly

1 2 3 4 Contemplates

decisions

Pioneering 1 2 3 4 Comfortable

Eager 1 2 3 4 Patient

Risking 1 2 3 4 Careful

Outspoken 1 2 3 4 Reflective

Enjoys

challenging

1 2 3 4 Enjoys routine

Takes charge 1 2 3 4 Takes direction

Direct/

Blunt

1 2 3 4 Subtle/

Tactile

Pushy 1 2 3 4 Reticent

Makes

statements

1 2 3 4 Asks questions

Insistent 1 2 3 4 Conforming

Dominating 1 2 3 4 Compliant

Acts 1 2 3 4 Ponders

Confrontative 1 2 3 4 Avoids conflict

Outgoing 1 2 3 4 Introspective

Talks 1 2 3 4 Listens

Demanding 1 2 3 4 Accommodating

Out in front 1 2 3 4 Behind the scene

Forceful 1 2 3 4 Receptive

Competitive 1 2 3 4 Cooperative

Extrovert 1 2 3 4 Introvert

Challenges 1 2 3 4 Agrees


Personal Traits

D I

C S


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