me- the importance of self-love - amazon s3...relationship start from your connection to yourself....

ME-THEIMPORTANCEOFSELF-LOVE BONNIESADIGH.COM

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ME- The importance of SELF-LOVE Bonnie Sadigh


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Who is Bonnie Sadigh? Hi! My name is Bonnie Sadigh, and I am the Co-Founder of “Wheel of Wellbeing” the hub for a “Wholistic” and integrated method to Mind-Body Wellbeing. Through the years, Wheel of Wellbeing and its unique approach to wellbeing has helped thousands of people reach peace of mind, live their lives with purpose, have magical relationships and cultivate tools for living a life of their dreams. I am a Master Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP) Practitioner, Master Clinical Hypnotherapist, Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT) Practitioner, Master Time Technique Practitioner; and Certified Transpersonal Energy. I also have a Masters Degree in Fine Arts from Queens College of New York. I am a life and Success Coach An author A blogger And a Painter I am also a life enthusiast. I say this because I intentionally want to remind myself to strive to be a better version of myself and to make the most of this life I am privileged to have! I am a lifelong learner. My curiosity and passion for learning have lead me to study and self-educate myself in many diverse fields. Together with my husband and my business partner we owned and managed several successful businesses in New York and Los Angeles. Our mutual longing and curiosity for understanding how the mind works, our pursuit of self-improvement and our love for being of service, eventually lead us to birth the Wheel of Wellbeing in 2008.


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WELCOME I have to admit; the idea of self-love was a very foreign concept to me way into my adulthood! I was excited, content and grateful to have found the love of my life at a young age of 17. I loved him, he loved me and, we were happy as two soulmates could be. He was my “everything,” and I was his “everything.” He made me happy, he made me laugh, he made my sadness go away; he became my emotional crutch for whatever that wasn’t going right in my life. I relied on him to make it better, to fulfill me and to make me whole, as he did of me. And then life happened; we got married and soon after we were blessed with two beautiful boys. Life was happening at a dizzying speed. I became a stay home mom; he became a working dad…The freshness of the relationship was surely fading and, the responsibilities of life were taking over. I was exhausted, he was drained. I wanted his validation, praise, and attention, he wanted to be appreciated, acknowledged, and nurtured. Our emotional tank was getting empty fast, expectations were piling up, and disappointments were building up. This wasn’t because we were falling out of love, but because we both misunderstood what being in love meant. We were becoming independent adults with different responsibilities, desires, needs and wants. We were becoming two separate identities that no matter how much we loved each other, we couldn’t make the other whole. The compulsion to be excessively dependent on the other for approval, acknowledgment, and wholeness was what we translated as being in love. That was as unhealthy as it could get.


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We soon realized that our co-dependent relationship was not going to work or last for that matter. Years of self-improvement books, training, workshops, therapy and counseling later, I now know that my happiness and wholeness begins and ends with me. (and yes, he does too!) You see, If I called someone else my “everything,” that meant that I was “nothing” without them. I certainly didn’t want that! As I became aware of the concept of self-love, I discovered that I appreciate and value my partner’s validation, praises, and acknowledgments, BUT, I wasn’t dependent on it anymore. I learned that for a healthy relationship to work and be strong each partner needs to remain self-sufficient and whole by themselves. Each partner needs to maintain a clear self-identity apart from the other and to be able to stand on his or her own two feet. My intention for writing this ebook is to emphasize to YOU, that you are whole and complete already. You don’t need anyone else to make you complete. You are not broken and don’t need a significant other to make you unbroken! You are unique, beautiful, talented, competent, self-sufficient, perfectly imperfect and complete all by yourself; and you can be better by starting to love yourself. If you are looking for a meaningful relationship, look for one that enhances your greatness and brings out the best in you. If you are already in a relationship, be the spice that enriches your partner’s uniqueness. It is NOT selfish to love ourselves, in fact, loving ourselves allows us to love others much profoundly. Always, always love yourself.


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PS: These ebooks are divided into three downloadable sets: ME- The Importance of Self Love From ME 2 WE- The Building Blocks of a Healthy Relationship WE- How to Maintain and Bring Back the Spark into Your Relationship Make sure to download all three!


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The Foundation of Every Healthy Relationship Starts with

SELF- LOVE How can you love another person if you don’t love yourself? How can you expect someone else to love you if you don’t love yourself? I genuinely believe that the energy we put out is the energy we attract; when we start to love and accept the fantastic, unique individual that we are, we cultivate and attract loving and accepting people. “LIKE ATTRACTS LIKE” “The law of attraction states that “like attracts like.” This means that people with a low frequency — people who are insecure and self-abandoning — attract each other, while people with a high frequency — people who love and value themselves — also attract each other.” All great things happen with self-love; if you see yourself as worthy, then you can attract a great partner, an amazing career, a loving family, and ultimately a fulfilling, happy life. Everything worthwhile in life starts with the self. Looking outside of yourself for happiness and contentment is the number one cause of relationship challenges. The health and strength of your relationship start from your connection to yourself. Self-love, self-confidence, self-trust and ultimately inner happiness, does not happen by finding the “right” person. The right partner can enhance those qualities, but they cannot instill them in you. Unfortunately, most of us are waiting for the weight to come off, or get the raise we’ve been wanting, or have the partner of our dreams to feel whole


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and loved. We love ourselves with self-inflicted conditions. We can change; Change Happens One Thought At A Time! To be able to build a respectful, loving, and compassionate relationship, one MUST first and foremost be respectful, loving, and kind towards self. The longest and most intimate relationship you will ever have is with yourself! So go ahead and give yourself permission to make it an amazing love affair. We have been misled into believing that self- love is selfish and narcissistic. That could not be further away from the truth! Self-love is not wrong; it is absolutely necessary for our wellbeing and the wellbeing of our relationships. Drop the guilt, shame, and any other negative adjective you attach to self- love and continue reading…

Don’t confuse SELF-CARE with SELF-LOVE

You might be taking care of yourself physically by working out, eating healthy and by buying yourself nice things. You might be taking care of your financial needs by working smart, having good investments, and by creating financial security for yourself. You might be taking care of your spiritual needs by meditating, praying and going to places of worship; and you might be taking care of your social and relational needs by having lots of friends, thousands of followers on your social media platforms and having night outs and lots of get-togethers, and yet feel something is still missing inside. You feel a void, you might even feel anxious, or have depressed thoughts. You might feel angry and have destructive self-talk. Despite all that you have, you might still feel lonely. Something deep inside does not quite feel right, because you are not taking care of your emotional needs.


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The need for your emotional wellbeing is the core and the foundation of self-love. Self-love happens when we are emotionally content, and when we truly and genuinely accept who we are regardless of what we have and what we don’t have.

How do you begin to love yourself?

The process of self-love is a journey within; self-gratification, instant pleasures, self-care, and positive affirmations may feel good and be satisfying at the moment; however, they only mask what we are avoiding to see and creates a false sense of self-love. Self-love is not about a state of feeling good, but rather being content and fulfilled with who you are. ALL of YOU.

• ACCEPT yourself- To love yourself, you must first get to know yourself, and then accept who you are! This means all of you; the good, the bad, the perfect you, and the imperfect you. It can be a painful and uncomfortable process; after all, we are so used to blaming ourselves and having shame about our past that we feel unworthy of love.

• Identify your VALUES- What is important to you? What matters

most to you? What do you want in a partner? What brings you joy and satisfaction? Your values reflect in everything that you do, in every decision you make and ultimately in everyone you choose to have in your lives. Your values are what allows you to live your life authentically and passionately. They are your tightly held beliefs and principles that make you who you are, genuinely. Your values also determine what you see as valuable in others. If your values are not in sync with your partner, how can you sustain a healthy relationship?


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Imagine this! If one of your top values is being faithful, how can you be happy with someone that believes in open relationships and who continually cheats? If your values are integrity and honesty, how would it feel to stay in a job where the boss unrelentingly takes advantage of his or her employees? Action TASK- Take a moment and start writing down your values, (best way to do this is to write them on sticky notes) don’t worry about putting them in order at first. Write down whatever comes to mind, and when you think you are done, take a break and repeat the process. Do this three times. Once you have everything written down, then start to prioritize and put them in order.

• When you say YES to others, make sure you are not saying NO to yourself! One of the main principles of setting personal boundaries is to know when to say YES wholeheartedly and when to say NO. It is OK to evaluate the request and assess if it works for you at that moment. If you have doubts, it is also completely ok to say, “Can I get back to you on that?” Don’t un-hesitantly say yes, because you want to be a people pleaser, and don’t say NO out of resentment and anger. Both your YES and your NO need to always come from a place of self-preservation.

• Have a PURPOSE- Having a purpose is what drives us forward; it is what gives meaning to our lives. Your purpose, however big or small, needs to excite and motivate you. It is that “thing” that you wake up in the morning for, and get lost doing with joy and enthusiasm the rest of the day. Having a purpose elevates your self-esteem; having self-esteem promotes self-love. Your purpose may be to end world hunger, to find a cure for cancer, to impact as many people as you can by your words, or be a nurturing parent and to raise responsible children. Whatever it is that warms your heart and makes it beat a little faster with excitement that is your calling. You can only be better, not perfect!


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• Take ACTION- Step out of your comfort zone and do what makes

you happy, take a step towards your dreams. Know what you want, as opposed to what you don’t want. Make it a habit of doing one new thing constantly.

• Identify your FEELINGS- Listen to your body. Our bodies constantly communicate with us through our physiology and our thoughts. Recognize what is happening in your body, our emotions manifest through our bodies. Pay attention to the cues your body is giving you. Being able to identify and name the feelings, will allow you to answer this question: “What is going on with me right NOW?”

Use this chart to help you identify and name your feelings


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• Be WHOLE- Relying on another person to complete you, is a recipe for disaster in any relationship. No one can make you feel happy, confident, and lovable. Expecting someone else to fulfill your needs, deprives you of your true identity, it makes you needy, frustrated, and lost without “the other.” No two incompletes ever make a complete circle, but rather create a void full of resentment, judgment, blame, and anger. It’s only when two complete and whole people meet that real magic happens. It’s only then that relationships become healthy, strong, meaningful, and truly magical.

“An outstanding love doesn’t come from two half-fulfilled people coming together to make one whole, complete life. Outstanding love comes from two whole people coming together to share and enhance their already full and beautiful lives.” ~Pia Scade

• Be GRATEFUL- Cultivate an attitude of gratitude; this is one of the

most powerful practices you can do to see positive results in your life. The more grateful you are; the more life will offer you to be grateful for. It’s a simple practice with immense outcomes. Every day, spend a few minutes to list the things you are grateful for and grow your list every day.

• Forgive YOURSELF- We are humans. We make mistakes; we fail; we say things that we shouldn’t. We break hearts - intentionally or unintentionally. We hurt people by our actions or our in-actions. What happens after you’ve made a mistake? First, realize the past is the past. No matter how regretful, ashamed, or guilty we feel, no amount of self- negative talk, or self-criticism will undo the past. Learn from your mistakes, identify your biggest regrets, take responsibility, and correct wherever possible. Realize that you can only do your personal best at any given moment; live by your values; be kind to yourself, forgive yourself and ultimately move on.


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Quieting the critic inside your head I am pretty sure you are all familiar with that critic. That nagging voice inside your head that wants to prove to you that you are not good enough; that voice that mocks you, intimidates you, judges you, teases you and is determined to hold you back. That voice that seems to appear from nowhere, while you are doing a project and creates doubt in you, and tries really hard to convince you, you are not worthy enough, pretty enough, competent enough, smart enough, thin enough, tall enough, rich enough…. Yes, that voice! That critical voice is robbing you of your truth, from your creativity, values, worthiness, curiosity and your greatness. Here are 3 ways to quite that inner critic:

1. Hear it, but don’t listen to it- Acknowledge the voice; talk to it; seriously! Talk back to the inner voice, almost like a rebuttal. Tell the voice it does not have power over you anymore. Tell it, so what if you think that?

2. Reverse the negative into positive- The best way to quite the critic is to reframe and switch the negative talk into a positive statement. Example: “You are a loser; no one wants to be with you.” Reframe: “Because of my great qualities I will attract the perfect partner.” If the negative talk can make you feel down, then the positive talk surely can lift you up!

3. Find out the root cause of your limiting beliefs- This may not be so easy as a DIY process. So I encourage you to seek professional support in releasing your limiting beliefs.


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Our relationship with our selves can be as complex as a relationship with another. It can go up and down; it may seem easy and effortless one day and nearly impossible the next day. However, if you learn how to accept without judgment, live by your core values, live life with purpose and passion; be able to get past your “failures” and see them only as feedback and life lessons and forgive yourself; know what your body is telling you and take action accordingly; then loving yourself and respecting who you are will become an effortless task. You are one of a kind! There is no one like you, appreciate your uniqueness, your strengths, and your weaknesses. They are what make you who you are. Talk lovingly to yourself, acknowledge yourself and give gratitude to your BEING.' Loving yourself needs practice! As in anything else that is worthwhile. Practice loving yourself a little more every day. With love & gratitude Bonnie Sadigh


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me- the importance of self-love - amazon s3...relationship start from your connection to yourself....

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