maternal absence

7/30/2019 Maternal Absence

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Maternal Absence

Sweet Dreams

Chapter 1

Piper lived in a ghetto neighborhood inPittsburgh. There, she and her mother shared adirty old apartment. Mom spent most of her life

on welfare. Occasionally, she took jobs, but theynever lasted. Most recently, shed been workingas a phone sex operator. She probably didntthink Piper knew, but she heard nearlyeverything through the walls.


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The jeans she wore were more than threeyears old. Not such a big deal for most people,but when youre growing, it looks a little odd.

Looking down at herself, she felt shame setdeep in her skin and bones. It was her only pairof pants. She knew she looked terrible. Kids atschool were happy to remind her every day.The inseam fell more than 2 inches above herankle. In the summer, they could have passedfor capris, but now, in the cold early autumn,

she looked ridiculous.

The apartment was barely 1200 squarefeet. Mom used to sleep in the living room whilePiper and her other siblings, Mandy and Bob,slept in the only bedroom. Then, almost fiveyears ago, Mom sent them to live with hergrandmother. Now, Mom slept in the bedroomwhile Piper slept in the living room.

Piper didnt know much about Mandy andBob because she was still relatively young whenthey left. Also, she didnt know much about her

father or his family. Her mother was verysecretive and refused to talk about them. Onlyshort memories of interactions and phone callswere what she had of them, and they fadedmore every year.

The one time she spoke, more in depth, to

Piper about their family was when she told herthey were a bunch of assholes; that her ownmother beat her and brought home men whotouched her. But the couple times Piper spoke


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with them on the phone, she found that theywere actually really nice.

She flipped through the channels on thecable-less television as she recalled a briefconversation she had with her grandmotheronce.

Where are you? Are you in Pennsylvania,still?

She would have said yes, but her motherhad listened to the entire conversation. Whenshe asked about where they were, Mom gaveher a death stare, grabbed a fistful of her hairand yanked her head back, painfully.

No, Grandma.

She hated to lie to her. More thananything, she wanted to scream for her to comeand get her, but she knew her mom wouldmake her regret it. Piper was anything but shortfor fourteen years of age, but she was alsoskinny like bamboo. Mom was the size of apanda, so there was no fighting back.

After a few more conversations like that,Mom stopped calling Grandma all together,except when she needed money. She knew that

putting young Piper on the phone would makeGrandma go soft. Piper felt guilty for being apart of her mothers manipulation. She alwayspromised that Mom would send money or giftsfor Mandy and Bob, which she never did.


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She never understood why hergrandmother put up with it. Every time shecalled, she sent money despite everything. But

if it were her, shed tell Mom to get lost.A day in Pipers life was a walk through

hell. Never did she get any breaks. Most kids goto school and get bullied, and then go home toa safe place to recover. Not Piper, for hermother was the biggest bully of them all.

Day and night, she fantasized about goinginto a rage right at the point when shed badgerher. Temporarily insane, shed kill her in a mostbrutal way. Sometimes by stabbing her multipletimes with a blunt knife; blood would spray herface and eyes as well as the walls, like in somehorror movie. Other times shed kill her inpretend self-defense. Mom would be pummelingher, and shed bite her hard on the neck andthen spew her bloody flesh on the floor. Shedwatch her clutch her neck as she reached forthe phone, but Piper would never let her get it.

In the end, shed always claim insanity and thejudge would let her go free.

Strangely enough, she only had fantasies,like these, of her mother. Never did she imaginedoing these things to any of her tormentors atschool. She supposed because she understood

bullying and how it happened; why theydchosen her. What she didnt understand washow her mother could turn on her.


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Pipers fantasies werent always quite sobrutal, though. Usually they were like this onlyduring or after her mother had gone off on her.

The fantasies were a release; the only way towork out aggression. Most of the time, she justwished shed get lucky, like maybe Mom wouldaccidentally wind up a victim of a speeding caror a heart attack. Maybe shed be walkingoutside and accidentally get shot or something;after all, it was a bad neighborhood.

There was one occasion where she didcome close to trying to murder her mother.Shed got home late, and Mom wanted dinneran hour ago. Mom pinned her to floor andpunched her, repeatedly, in the head. After thecops came and went, it seemed like Piper hadno other way out. Shed stab her, spend acouple years in jail, and hopefully, get outsometime in her twenties. It happened all thetime; she knew because she saw it on the news.

It was about 9:30 in the evening when she

finally passed out from the whiskey shed beendrinking since noon. Canadian Whiskey and Vscigarettes suffocated the bedroom, as all thewindows were closed as was the door until Piperhad opened it. She held her breath and closedher mouth against the odor.

Piper stood in the doorway, stiff like astatue, with a knife raised in her hand for sometime. She was brought back to sense when herlungs, of their own accord, suddenly inhaled the


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putrid air. Her eyes watered as she hacked andgagged.

She closed the door, went back to thecouch and seethed. Piper was just a coward,and she knew it. So she sat and imaginedcoming home to find her mother lifeless, lyingin bed and covered in maggots; the stench ofher loosened bowels, and the infestation thatcould swarm the room in just a few hours time,

especially in summer heat.

The day after this incident, Momspecifically said she wanted her home, and thatshe was to have dinner done by 5 pm. She

hurried up the stoop, threw her book bag on thefloor and got to making boxes of macaroni andcheese. There was nothing to drink, so she putice cubes in a glass and filled it with water.

From the other side of Moms door, she

heard voices. Thats just how thin the wallswere. Muttering traveled through the phone andthrough the walls. It was probably the samewoman she always talked to; a woman shedmet on the phone one night. Piper always knewwhen it was the woman because Mom alwaystalked differently to her, like they were friends.

There was never any sex talk involved.

Since she could already hear everythingthrough the walls, she didnt think it a big dealto bring her dinner, real quick, and leave. With


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any luck, she wouldnt have to see her for therest of the evening.

She opened the door, and quickly, ranacross the room and put down the tray. Momheld up her index finger in a motion that toldher to stay; then she, calmly and charmingly,said into the cordless hand set, Can you holdon a minute?

She lowered the phone and screamed,GET THE HELL OUT OF HERE! WHEN THEDOOR IS CLOSED YOU STAY OUT!

Shocking as it may be, this was often theway she talked to Piper. She loved to scream asloud as her voice could go. Kids on the street

would often quote what theyd heard, and thisreally was a feat, considering that her voice hadto carry over 600 square feet, down a hall andthrough the brick outline of the building.

One would think that Piper would just get

used to it, but the truth was she only ever gotangrier. Mom wasnt an average ornery, shewas insane.

When she wasnt fantasizing about killing,shed imagine a life where she could start over.Often, she had no family and was completely

alone. On television and in movies, people werealways shown to yearn for normal families andlove. Piper was different. More than anything,she wanted peace and quiet, by herself.


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Killer Clowns

Chapter 2

Mercy was moms name. Everyone who met herdidnt like her. She was belligerent and abusive,like a dog with rabies, foaming at the mouthand eyes full of crazy. She could deal insults likeone who deals cards. But what was mostembarrassing was when theyd look from Mom

to her. In her eyes, she saw the pity andconcern. They felt sorry for her and wondered ifthey should call child social services. Theynever did anything, though. Most people wouldrather not be bothered.

Moms appearance was often bizarre and

reminded her of a sinister clown shed seen ontelevision, once. They, both, wore horribly fakewigs, huge sun glasses that covered half theirfaces, and on their heads, enormous hats.Moms clothes would have been just as baggyas the clowns, if not for bulges that were barely

contained within them. On more than a fewoccasions, people pulled Piper aside to ask ifshed been abducted, and if the strange womanwas really her mom.

Oh, if only it were so.

She was extremely reluctant to leave herapartment, which made for much talk with theneighbors. Whenever people came to call, Momwould stay hidden in her room. Pipers job was


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to learn names, what he or she wanted andsend them away.

On a few occasions, she did get a wildhair and answered the door. Thats when Piper,in turn, would hide in her room, like the timeher friends mother came by to offer her someused clothes. Well, who the hell is at thegoddamn door, now? she heard.

Piper, whod just finished a shower,cracked the bathroom door and looked out.Mom stood at the front door in her underwear,and a shirt that barely covered her stomach.

The woman, who was a rosy cheekedblonde lady with a box in her hand, said, Hi,

Im Jo. I live down the street. Your daughter andmine play together.

What the hell do you want?

Not wanting to be humiliated by hermother again, she lingered inside the bathroom.

I thought that maybe Piper could usesome clothes. I need to get rid of some things.

Thanks. Piper heard her mother say,and then the door closed. She didnt even say

thank you or goodbye. Then she heard the doorreopen and her mother say, Do you have fivedollars that I can borrow?

Uh, Jo stammered. Sure.


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The door closed again.

Piper!

She couldnt keep hiding any longer.Gently, she pulled back the door and walked thefew paces into the living room, expecting to getblamed for the woman knowing where theylived.

Yes?

Get your shoes on and go to the store.Get me a pack of cigarettes!

She handed her the five dollars, walkedinto her bedroom and slammed the door.


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Morning Rage

Chapter 3

Get out of my house! her motherscreamed.

She grabbed her backpack and jacket,and slammed the door behind her. To school,she went as usual.

There, no one spoke to her, and that wasgood. She was close to blowing, and the lastthing she needed was another suspension forfighting. Piper kept her head down andpretended she were someone else andsomewhere else.

Mom made Piper wash, both, their clothesin the tub. Over the weekend, she forgot toscrub out the ring of residue that was alwaysleft behind. She didnt understand why thismade her mad because she didnt bathe orshower much. This was something that manyothers had noticed. In fact, her body odor had astrange scent that reminded her ofcheeseburgers with onions. Combine this withher cheeriness and dragon breath and you cansee why most people wanted to get away fromher. Once, in a movie, they called this place a

bog of eternal stench; it reminded her of hermother.

Mom just liked rage. There was no otherexplanation. There was always satisfaction in


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her eyes after having an episode. The more shehurt Piper, the more elated she seemed.

School was dreadful, but none of themwere nearly as mean as her mother. Sure, shewas constantly harassed by other students forher appearance, especially during lunch time,like the other day when kids flicked bits ofmashed potatoes into her long, brown greasyhair. But that was just nice; they hadnt a clue

about real cruelty and how to go about it.

Piper got home at about 4:00 pm. Herfeet made scratching sounds as she walked upthe five steps of the stoop. She twisted thecold, silver knob, but it hit metal and flippedback. It was strange because Mom didnt wantto have to get out of bed to let her in the house,and she didnt want to bother with getting heran extra key, so the door was always unlocked.

She knocked on the door several times;then she banged and pounded.

Mom MOM! I cant get in.

After a few minutes without reply, sheturned and sat on the stoop. They hadnt had acar in years and she hated taking the bus, soshe couldnt have possibly gone far. She wanted

her dinner at five o clock every day withoutexception. Mom would be back soon, she toldherself.


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But when the sky had become dark blue,Piper started to worry. Mom locked her out ofthe house before, but usually just on the

weekends. She didnt want her around in theday, but no matter what, she wanted her homein the evenings. Had she finally gotten herwish? Was her mother in a fatal accident?


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Desperate and Confused

Chapter4

It was dark and chilly; Piper shivereduncontrollably. Just like in a cartoon, her jawquivered up and down.

Keep moving, she told herself. Youllstay warmer that way.

She walked around the block as quickly asshe could, hoping to get her blood moving.Instead, she became extremely fatigued.Spotting a stone bench at the corner of MainStreet, where all the city buses stopped, shehurried over. Cold traveled up from the stone,

though she tried to ignore it and pulled hershivering legs into her chest.

Piper didnt have a watch or a cell phoneso she didnt know what time it was. However,all the night lights were on and the moon wasfull.

When she couldnt take the cold of thebench anymore, or the rushing of air as the carsdrove past, Piper walked home again.

Still, no lights were on in her apartment.

Where the hell did my mother go? Itslate and I am damn hungry and cold.

Despite her cold, trembling hands, Pipertried to keep busy by doing her homework.


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Then she doodled on a blank piece of paperwhile watching the neighbors, across the street,sit down to dinner.

Her stomach rumbled.

~~~

Some hours later, she woke with a start.Her heart pounded the way it did when she had

bad dreams. The neighbors lights, across thestreet, were out. All up and down the block,people had settled in for the night. The moonhad moved from its earlier position, over thebuildings, and now sat right in the middle of thestreet. This meant that shed been asleep forquite a while.

Despite the cold, she started to sweat.Had her mother finally abandoned her, as shedthreatened to do so many times before? Sheshould call the police, but if her mother hadabandoned her, theyd never let her stay the

night, alone, in the apartment. And with noother family or friends, who knows where theydput her.

She turned to the door again andknocked.

Mooom! I know youre there! Let me in!

That was it! She was tired and cold! Theglass was thin and she could easily break it.Shed just do like others in the neighborhoodand cover it with cardboard.


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She balled up her hand and smashed itinto the glass. Shards sprayed all over her.There wasnt enough room in the glass for her

climb through. She needed to break out more,but first, she looked around to see if anyneighbors noticed the noise.

No one stirred. Then as she was about tore extend her fist, a car, a few blocks down,flashed its bluish lights along the street.

Piper didnt hesitate. She bolted to thestreet corner and went right, and right again,until she reached an alley shed never seenbefore. Against the wall was a large greendumpster. She walked to the other side of it, soas to obscure her view from the street.

Heart still pounding, she slid down thewall until her butt hit her heels. Now, there wasno way she could go back to the apartment.What if the cops continued looking for her?

Standing up and looking into thedumpster, she noticed several ripped up piecesof cardboard boxing. She pulled them out of thecan. Just as she was about to arrange them onthe ground, so she could lay down, she caught aglimpse at the bottom of the dumpster. Therewas two feet of space, which was enough room

for her to squeeze under and sleep, providing abarricade against the wind. Best of all, shed beinvisible to passersby.


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First, she slid the cardboard under andthen slid in, feet first, herself. Although she wasstill cold and shivering, her heart and muscles

relaxed and she fell asleep.

~~~

She woke with another jolt. Forgetting

where she was, she banged her head into thebottom of the dumpster, causing a loud gong-like noise. Her body ached from shivering allnight. Her clothes were moist with dew, and herskin was clammy. The sky was a bright darkblue, as it looked early in the morning.

Stiffly, she pulled herself from under thecan, and though she told herself not to, shewent home again. As she approached the streeton which she lived, she looked ahead to see ifthere were any cops. All the glass was still onthe steps. The broken window had not been

touched. Maybe the cops didnt see her breakthe window, after all.

What should she do next? It was almostmorning, and a school day. She was dirty andwearing the same clothes as the day before.Not that this was unusual, but she always tried

to, at least, change her shirt and shower.

Her stomach rumbled. That answered herquestion: she should go to school and getbreakfast.


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At the corner of the street, there was apay phone. What if Mom had a heart attack andwas still inside the apartment? Wasnt it awful

that she hadnt called anyone?She walked up to the metal box and put

her shaky index finger to the number pad.

Hello, this is 9-1-1.

For the briefest moment, she was going tohang up, but the woman answered the call onthe half of the first ring.

Uh, my name is piper and my mom ismissing. Shes been gone all night.

When did you see her last?

Um, yesterday before I went to school.

When did you notice that she wasmissing?

Yesterday, when I came home fromschool.

Well, you have to wait until shes beenmissing twenty four hours before you can file areport. Is there any evidence that somethingbad happened? Something violent, perhaps?

Immediately, she thought of the brokenwindow.

No.


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Okay, then call back later in theafternoon. If she hasnt turned up, well a senda cop.

Piper hung up.

She should have explained that she was akid who spent the night under a dumpster. Butfor some reason, she clammed up. Piper knewwhat happened to kids who didnt have homes.

They had a few kids, like that, at school, andthough, contrary to belief, they were treatedwell, the kids were very mean to her, too.


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Learning Homeless

Chapter 5

Two days had passed since her mothersdisappearance. She called the lady back, at 9-1-1, but made sure not to be home when thepolice came.

During the two days, Piper frequented the

alley with the dumpster, under which shecontinued to sleep, until she was wokenabruptly. She hadnt anticipated theservicemen.

HONK!

Suddenly, brightness shined down on her.She jumped to standing position, raising herhands to her eyes. The sun light, blinding,gleamed off the mirror of the dump truck.Several feet above her head was the dumpsterin the trucks clutches.

Get out of here, you rat!

She ran, fast. Tears sprang to her eyes. Inall shed ever been subjected to, she never feltlower than she did at the moment. Hearing themen yell at her, as if she were just trash. How

could Mom do this to her?

She sat on the stone bench she visitedthe night before, when Mom first went missing.It was a bus stop bench. She stared straightahead and willed herself not to cry again.


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People, behind her, walked past. In theair, a scent of sweetness and bread bakinglingered.

As Piper took a deep breath, she lookedup and spotted a man in a long black coatstanding next to her, staring. A look of concernwas on his face and in his large dark browneyes; it made Piper even more self-consciousand irritated, which made it harder to control

her emotions.

She continued to look straight ahead.When the man turned and walked off, her chestlightened. A few minutes later, the same manreturned with a large cup of coffee in one handand two donuts in his other. Placing them in herhands, he asked, Are you okay?

She looked at him and could no longerhold back. The man looked surprised and hehanded her a napkin.

What is it? You look so sad.Yes, Im just a little upset right now. Ill

be fine, though. Thanks for the donuts andcoffee.

She tried to smile.

Do you want to come in for a bit andwarm up?

No, I gotta go to school.


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Well, I need to start work, but if you needanything, come in and see me.

Okay.

She turned to see where the man wouldgo. He disappeared through the glass doorbehind the bus stop. Then it dawned on her: thesmell of sugar and bread. The man ran a donutshop right behind her.

Piper started to eat her donuts and drinkher coffee. The warmth and the sweetness filledher and immediately she felt a degree of relief.As she sipped her coffee, she heard a grindingnoise and looked to her right. A small, white,truck stopped some feet ahead of the bench.

Feeling that the truck was uncomfortablyclose, Piper stood up and walked to theopposite end of the bench. The armored truckmen went into the small grocery store next tothe donut shop.

Moments later, the same two men carriedbrown bags to the truck. Guns were displayedon their hips. She sipped, ate, and watched.

~~~

Over the next few days, Piper maintainedher independence by going to school and thenhiding in the alley. Her hygiene becamequestionable rather quickly, which is why shebegan showering in the girls locker room.Although she tried to remain inconspicuous, her


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emotional state must have been apparent inher face, because she found herself constantlybeing questioned by teachers. How are you

and Are you okay? and Why are your clothesso dirty? It wasnt long before Piper decidedthat it wasnt safe to return to school.


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Cant Stay

Chapter 6

Fourteen days had passed. There was still nosign of her mother, and she was still sleepingunder the dumpster in the alley. Shedexpanded her wanderings to places where shecould spend much time inside, where it waswarm, such as the library, coffee houses, and

fast-food restaurants.

She hadnt returned to school. Instead,she spent her days reading and pan handling onMain Street. A couple of times, older menapproached her, but she knew too well abouttheir kind of business. She didnt waste time

talking to them, but she just ran. There weretoo many stories of abductions in herneighborhood.

Her teeth became gritty and yellow. Itwas the worst thing to walk around feeling an

unwashed mouth all day long. The taste andfeel affected her just as badly as the sight andsmell to others. A few times, she gagged on herown putridness.

This was how and why Piper managed herfirst feat of thievery. She stood in the aisle of

the convenience store, staring at the rack ofbrushes; across from them, tubes of toothpaste.

She was in a zone, almost like someoneelse had taken over her body. All she could hear


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was a buzzing that was only in her mind. Sheraised her hand to the brush, and while it wasstill hanging, slid the length of it down her

sleeve; with her fingers, she pushed the plasticoff the metal holder. The she did the same withtoothpaste, raising her wrist to the tube andpushing it in her sleeve. Calmly, she left thestore.

The toothbrush and toothpaste now

rested in her backpack, which no longer heldschool books, but instead her paper, pens andrentals from the city library.

She never thought the simple act ofbrushing her teeth could bring her joy. Piperfound the closest coffee house with the intent ofjust that when all of a sudden, her stomachviolently rippled. Pain spread up to her neckand down to her knees, causing her to buckle.Inside the coffee shop was even worse, as shepulled back the glass door and warm airscented with bread and croissants hit her face.

It had been two days since Piper had eaten. Atthe library, she read a person could surviveweeks without food, but never did the bookmention how painful it was; that shed be faint,sickly and have vision problems. Shed havegiven anything for a coffee and a sandwich.Briefly, she considered returning to school forlunch, but knew she couldnt. Theyd knowsomething was up.

She walked to the register to ask for thebathroom key. No one was there. On the


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counter, a clear cup half way full of dollar billsand change sat. She considered taking it andrunning. No, she said to herself. It would be bad

to become known as a neighborhood thief.

Piper continued to the back of the caf.The bathroom door was unlocked. Inside, shedropped her back pack and locked the door.

Over the sink, she covered the entire

length of the bristles with the white paste.Aaaahh, she sighed, as the bristles removed alayer of grime. After a few minutes of brushing,she spit out the paste, rinsed her mouth and thebristles, and went for second round.

Feeling orally refreshed, she stared at

herself in the mirror. The reflection was ofsomeone shed never seen before. She wasnever a beauty queen, but the girl in the mirrorwas a horror. Sunken eyes and a line on herforehead and the sides of her mouth, probablyfrom being tense all the time. Her skin was

papery white, and oil glistened on her scalp.

Once more, hunger ripped through herinsides. It took all her strength not to cry out.Her hands gripped the porcelain sink. Tearsleaked out of her eyes.

Finally, the pain lifted. Like a zombie, shepicked up her bag and exited the bathroom. Atthe front of the caf, the counter was stillunoccupied. She walked up, grabbed the cup,and then ran out.


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For many blocks, she zigzagged throughthe neighborhood, fearing that she was beingfollowed; that someone saw her with the plastic

cup in her hand. She slowed to walking whenher stomach grumbled, like an earthquakeagain, bringing her to her knees on the cement.Across the street was a fast food burger shop.The grease permeated the air.

Weakly, she pushed up from the ground

and stumbled across the street as though shewere drunk. Her stomach gave a mighty lurchwhen she walked through the door.

People milled about everywhere, so shedecided to go the bathroom first. In the stall,she pulled the cup out of her backpack andbegan counting. The cup had almost $25 in it.She was so happy that she cried again.

She put the money in her pocket anddropped the cup in the trash; then swayed herway to the line. At the counter, she ordered a

huge burger meal with chicken strips, coffeeand two hot apple pies. The man just looked ather as though she was crazy, but Piper was toobusy anticipating food to care. The guy gaveher a large coffee and she moved aside to waitfor the food.

Before, she never liked coffee. Now, therewas nothing she loved more, especially afterbeing outside all day long. She sighed when theman set her tray on the counter. Quickly, shegrabbed it and sat at the nearest table.


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Only a few minutes passed before adifferent kind of pain set in: the pain of eatingafter being hungry. Shed read it could kill, and

so could drinking too quickly after beingthoroughly dehydrated.

Slow down, slow down, she mumbled.

Despite the new pain, her mind cleared.She felt better than she had in days. She dipped

her fry in ketchup and brought it her mouth andchewed, slowly.

She needed a plan. Piper couldnt spendthe rest of her life wandering the streets andstealing tips. For days, Piper considered thatshe needed to figure out how she would get off

the streets, but no ideas came to her.

The pain in her stomach started to mount,just like the book said it would. She packed upher leftover burger, strips and pie. Thinkingabout a nap on the partly concealed soft couch

at another coffee house two blocks over, sheheaded in that direction.

~~~

Several hours later, a man shook herawake.

Im sorry but youre gonna have to go,he said meanly.

Sorry.


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She got her backpack and left.

The night was even bitterer than theprevious, and it would only get worse. Fall washere. Tomorrow, the service men would beback, so she couldnt hide in her alley. Shesettled on the stone bench of the bus stop.Piper didnt know if it was possible to die fromshivering, but she sure wished for death, at thatmoment.

The wind threw daggers in her ears andtried to peel her clothes from her body. Shelooked behind her to see if anyone was in thedonut shop. Nope, it was dark.

Her ears felt as though they would

explode. She pulled her jacket up over her headand rested her chin between her knees. She satlike that a good while until a loud grinding noisetook her by surprise. Piper looked over the topof her collar. The armored truck was back; itwas parked mere feet from where she sat.

A guy in a security outfit exited the sidedoor and walked straight into the little grocerystore. He didnt seem to notice her sitting there.

Was he alone?

She got off the bench and walked to thepassenger side: it was empty.

Without thinking or even contemplating,she walked to the back of the truck, wonderingif it really was loaded with money, just like in


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the movies. As earlier, it was like an animalinside her had taken over, only this time herconscious mind didnt try to object. This time,

there were no feelings of fear of guilt, and nobuzzing in her ears; there was only the hopeand desperation.

Someone else had decided that sheshould put her hand up to the silver clasp dooropener and give it a tug. Unfortunately, it didnt

open. She gave it a second stronger tug, butnothing. Finally, she yanked it several times, ashard as she could, while shrieking under herbreath.

The handle clicked backward, and thedoor was released. She looked inside and saworganized leveled pillar like piles of bags inevery color; some black, some brown, gray,green. Then there were suitcase sized bags inevery color that lined the floor.

She picked up a bag and unzipped it,

hurriedly. Her hands shook so hard that thezipper got caught as she pulled it, but when shelooked inside, her breath stilled. A two inch wadof money was inside. Clipped to it was a lengthof receipt. Behind it were checks and morereceipts. Quickly, she stuffed the bag in herbackpack and reached in two more times. She

only had time for a third grab at the bags whenheard the man running up to the truck. Notbothering to close the door, she ran across thestreet and down an alley. The guy screamed ather to stop.


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Escape

Chapter 7

Lying under another trash dumpster, on thedirty disgusting ground, Piper managed to hidefrom the security guard. She estimated that ithad been about an hour since she last heardfootsteps, police sirens, or talking about the girlwho got away. All they knew was that she had

long brown hair, wore a shabby blue jacket,short jeans, and had a blue backpack. Lucky forher, that could have been any kid in theneighborhood.

Despite her urge to keep running throughthe neighborhood until she got far away, she

stayed under the dumpster, afraid to sleep andafraid to move. What if she left her spot andwalked right into someone who would turn herin? At the same time, she realized that shewould need to move at some point. Policepatrolling the area would make it difficult for

her to live in the neighborhood the way she hadthe last few weeks. No panhandling or movingfrom caf to caf, trying to escape the cold.

After debating with herself for a while,she decided it was best to stay until morning.She lined the garbage can as best as she could,

with cardboard, and tried to relax.

~~~


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She woke feeling as though she had nevergone to sleep. Deep in slumber, vivid dreams ofgoing to jail played in her mind. Piper jerked her

head up, banging into the garbage can again.Some feet away, she heard people movingabout and talking. She lay there, waiting forthem to pass. Finally, it was quiet. Piper pulledback the cardboard and slipped out.

It was an even colder morning. The sky

was bright blue but with a glass-likeappearance. Immediately, she left the alley andwent right, down the street, looking out forcops. Piper picked up her pace, as up ahead shesaw a bus stop.

The people she passed didnt look or stareat her. Wondering if she had enough changefrom the tip cup, she ran to the bust stop and,not paying any attention to the number of thebus or where it was going, she stepped on.

After riding the bus for about 30 minutes

or so, Piper drifted off to sleep. She tried to stayawake but the warmth of the heater and manypeople all together made it difficult. Hermuscles ached from shivering all night. In theheat, they relaxed, making it even harder tostay awake.

An hour later, the bus pulled into the mainstation.

This is the end of the line, the driversaid into her speaker system.


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Inside, the station was old, bright anddirty. The people were just as sad looking. Linesof people waited at the attendants windows.

She picked one and waited.An hour later, she learned that a bus

would take her to the train station. That shecould leave the city whenever she wanted. Shebought a couple tickets, and left.

Piper knew it was a good idea to leave,immediately, but she needed to take care ofsome things, first. She needed to make surethat shed be able to travel without gettingstopped because of her appearance. Further,she needed to figure a better way to hide themoney and bags. One sight of them and anyonewould instantly know she should be turned overto authorities, so she left the station unsure ofwhere to start.

Down the street, she went for a fewblocks, trying to see where she could buy some

clothes without people questioning her. Afterall, it was a school day and, with the way shelooked, no one would want her in their shop.One look and theyd think she was going tosteal.

Then she approached a cheap clothing

shop and looked in the window. An Asian ladycame out and talked, fast, to her. She realizedthat she was in China Town, a perfect place togo unnoticed. They were known for mindingtheir business.


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The woman beckoned her inside all thewhile speaking so fast that she couldntunderstand her. She only seemed keen to sell

her merchandise. Piper smiled and pointed at acouple pairs of jeans and a few sweaters. Thenthe woman showed her to a dressing room.

Immediately, she opened her backpackand one of the bags of money. She pulled a fewhundred dollar bills and stuffed them in the

front pocket of her jeans.

The woman placed a couple moresweaters under the dressing room door. Shepaired a soft black cardigan with some blackjeans. Perfect, she thought, for contradictingthe shabby appearance of the girl who waslikely wanted, back in her neighborhood. Shewalked out of the room, wearing the clothesand stuffing her shabby ones into her backpack.

Looks good! Much better! said thewoman.

What about this?

She held up a couple different sweaters indifferent colors.

Yes.

She pointed at the red and the pink, andthe dark blue. Piper walked around the shop alittle longer, pointing at other things. Thewoman hardly noticed as she picked up a hair


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brush and ran it through her hair a few timesbefore throwing it up on the counter.

Twenty minutes later, Piper walked downthe street with a new backpack, filled with a fewnew outfits. The woman was so friendly anduncaring that she decided to press her luck andsee what her chances were of finding a motelfor the night. She walked along the street andalready spotted one up ahead. It was extremely

shabby but it would do.

Inside the lobby, the man spoke in just ashurried speech. He hardly noticed or cared thatshe was young and on her own. Like thewoman, what he cared about was doingbusiness. He charged her a hefty deposit, andthen picked up a key and led her to a room onthe third floor. Despite the shabbiness of thehalls, the occupants were quiet and much morerespectable than in her neighborhood ghetto.

He opened the door to her room. The

walls were cracked, yellowed and peeling andthe bed was sunken in the middle. A layer of airseparated the carpet from the actual floor, andmade a poof-like noise with every step shetook. It was the worst room shed ever seen, butthe fragrance of bleach and ammonia anddetergent led her to believe that it had been

cleaned.

You need anything, call downstairs.

Okay, said Piper.


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She sat on the bed and stared at the wallfor a good fifteen minutes. There was no reasonfor this, except that she wanted to rest but she

didnt want to sleep. Piper was simply toooverwhelmed and it felt good to just sit there afew moments.

Finally, she told herself just a little bitmore, she needed to push herself. Her survivaldepended on it.

She took off her backpack and unzippedthe back. Inside, she hadnt realized that shehad grabbed that many bags. There wereseven, in total; three green and four brown.Hoping none of them belonged to the nice manfrom the donut shop, she emptied them all onthe bed.

At first, the money didnt look like a lot,seeing how they were clipped and wrapped withrubber bands, but as she unwrapped one of thewads, she realized that there was possibly tens

of thousands of dollars. She examined thechecks and the lengths of receipts. Just a bunchof numbers, but it didnt make any sense to her.She couldnt tell which totals were what. Soshed just have to count. First, she set todestroying the checks and receipts by rippingthem up to tiny shreds and then flushing them

down the toilet, and washing them down thesink and tub. In her own apartment, just papertowels were known to clog the pipes. Hopefully,spreading the paper about would make it godown easier.


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Then she set to counting the first wad.1,2,3,4,5, 6, 7,8,9, 1000, 11, 12, 13 After afew minutes, she realized she couldnt continue

counting that way, not with how much moneywas there. So she began to count them intodifferent piles. This part was really tedious andPiper thought she would never get done.

Two hours later, she contradicted herselfand finished counting. She stared at the pad of

paper, onto which shed written the numbers ofeach pile of money. Now, she added them upinto a few smaller numbers, and then addedthose numbers into a grand total.

Piper felt a little confused, like thenumbers couldnt have been right. She wentthrough the piles once more to make sure all ofher counting was correct and when she realizedthat she had not made a mistake, she juststared at the pad in disbelief.

I dont believe it, she muttered.

$250,000.

A mixture of feelings enveloped her:happiness that she wasnt going to starveagain, at least not for a while, and sadness thatif she got caught, which was highly likely, shedspend a lot of time in jail. She learned about

larceny and the penalties from one of her playpals, whose own brother had gone to jail.

No time to fret about it. Whats done isdone, she told herself. She gathered the piles of


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money into one, large, neat pile. Then she triedto tie one of the rubber bands around it, butthat didnt work. Well, she couldnt very well

carry seven wads. She needed to condense thepile. Next, she tried taping the money to herlegs and walking about the room, but the wadssimply fell off. They also pulled, painfully, at thelittle hairs on her legs.

Perhaps she could put the money into

something, like a toy. Shed seen it done ontelevision. Money stuffed into teddy bears, butteddies could be lost. People and kids mightwant to touch or admire them.

She turned on the television. She satthere a few minutes when a commercial cameon about mattresses. If only she could travelwith her own personal money bed, she laughedto herself, and then it came to her.

The pillow!

She turned on the spot, walked over andpicked up one of the lumpy, old stuffings.

Perfect! People traveled with pillows allthe time! It was big enough to hold all themoney. If someone noticed the weirdconsistency, once it was stuffed with money,

shed simply say it was an old pillow.

Piper opened the top drawer of the deskand found a complementary needle and thread.


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~~~

Sometime later, Piper had a heavy pillowripped and re sewn. Shed pulled out all thestuffing and broke it up and re fluffed it, andthen put it back in with a mish mash of money.Then she shook it, and it made a funnywhooshing and scratching noise. It was too

loose so she ripped up the other pillow andadded that stuffing to it, too. Now, when sheshook it, the stuffing hardly moved.

The weight was still a problem, but shedidnt think anyone would think much of it. Itwas such an obscure and unheard of idea that

she doubted even most authorities wouldconsider it.

Unless they were narcotics police, shemumbled.

Okay, so her plan wasnt totally fail safebut it was the best she had.

She stood up and walked into thebathroom, feeling kind of sick with worry. Sheturned on the water and ran a bath, and peeledoff her clothes.

A few moments later, she sat in the waterand realized that shed forgotten to considerone large detail: Where she wanted to go.


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Shed always wanted to visit New YorkCity. In the movies, it always looked so busyand fun. People liked to dress up and go to

fancy restaurants. Shed like to do the same.And what better way to hide, than to besomething she wasnt, which was fancy anddressed up all the time.

The hotel had only given her a tiny soap,but she did her best to clean herself with it.

Shed never appreciated the scent of the soapas much as she did at that moment, and sighedhappily as layers of dirt and oil was releasedfrom her skin. The tub, a dark color now, sheemptied it a refilled it. She never, ever wantedto be without hot water again. Seeing theyhadnt left any shampoo, she rubbed the soapon her scalp and down through her long strandsof hair.

After shed cleaned herself, she re ran thewater once more and just enjoyed the steam.She lay back and tried to imagine where else

she would like to get lost in. Los Angeles?Boston? Chicago? Nahh

She didnt want to go someplace that shewould not be familiar with. New York, she hadseen so much on television that she was sureshed recognize it when she got there.

What about cost of living? Shed seen alisting of apartments in a newspaper. Shedheard that it was one of the most expensiveplaces to live.


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Yes, but it was always her fantasy place.Besides, she didnt have to live right in the city.

Whatever the case, she needed to leaveimmediately because she didnt fit in there. Itwas a nicer neighborhood than hers, but thatdidnt mean she couldnt still get caught. Shedheard her mother speak of taking a train to NewYorks Penn Station. It was practically nonstopall the way.

So thats it, then. Im going to NewYork.

She got out of the tub, dried herself, andclimbed into bed.


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New Day

Chapter 8

She woke up when the phone rang hours later.Apparently, she was about to sleep through hercheck-out. The man wanted her out of there.

Okay, sorry. Can you give me tenminutes?

Yes, but after that and Ill have to chargeyou.

Okay, bye.

Quickly, she got out of bed and put on her

new clothes. She brushed her teeth and herhair, and then did her best to shove as much ofthe pillow into her bag as she could.

She walked to the bus depot.

Inside, she confirmed the bus she needed

to get her to the train station that would takeher out of the state. After, she walked tonearest stand, bought a pretzel bread, and thenfound a seat and waited.

~~~

At noon, Piper found herself in the famousPenn Station. Starving again, she walked overto a vendor and grabbed a slice of pizza and asoda. She ate as she sat and watched peoplewhile thinking about how to find out where to


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get a room. Then she noticed the informationboard with lots of touristy information. The signsaid hotels, rooms, shows, etc. She finished her

pizza and then walked over.Piper picked up a map, but out of the

corner of her eye, she noticed a kiosk that saidPress Ready to start to book yourreservations, so Piper pressed ready and 16minutes later, shed booked a room with a hotel

on the West Side. Amazingly enough, when thekiosk wouldnt accept her made up seventeendigit visa number, she was able to call the hotelfrom the kiosk and book a reservation anyway.Feelings of elation made her skin warm! Shewas going to spend the night in a four starhotel, and not on the cold streets of Manhattan.

She ripped her ticket out of the kiosk andstood in line at the help desk. A few minuteslater, a lady showed her which train to take.She followed the signs and waited ten minutes,and then her train finally roared its arrival and

slid to a stop on the tracks.

Exiting the station, a few minutes later,Piper held her breath. It was so much biggerand more majestic than shed imagined. Peoplewhooshed by her, left and right, ahead andbehind, trying to get to where they were going.

She walked to the end of the street, and caughtup to a crowd of people who, without waiting forthe light, hurried across the street.


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In a way, she felt like a duck in a herd,walking face forward, trying to keep up thepace. It was exhilarating but it made her heart

race.


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New Diggs

Chapter 9

Piper walked into the ample yet dim lit hotel.The entrance was enormous with cream,multifaceted floors. People sat about the lobbyin the couches and chairs while readingnewspapers and drinking coffees. To her right, aline waited to get into a restaurant while up

ahead, another line of people waited to check-in.

After a twenty minute wait in line, shehanded over her ticket and security deposit.The desk clerk hardly paid attention to heryoung visage. She asked for identification. Piper

handed over her Pittsburgh library card. Thewoman printed off two security cards and gavethem to her.

Piper walked to the elevator and took itup to the eleventh floor. When she opened the

door to a soft carpeted room with a brand newflat screen television and a posh looking bed,she smiled.

She set her bag on the floor and fell backon the bed, bouncing.

The sound of air across the shaft roaredlike ocean waves, and from below, she heardhonking. Lying there, she wondered what to donext. She knew she couldnt stay in the hoteltoo long because people would begin to notice


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her; that and it was too expensive. She neededa place more private but it would do for a fewnights or weeks as she became familiar with her

surroundings.For the first time since taking the money,

she was excited. She felt like it was possiblethat life, for her, was going to change, and foronce, she was going to be well. Living in NewYork City was going to be the biggest adventure

shed ever had.

She got off the bed and went to thewindow. Pulling back the curtains and pressingher face against the glass, she looked leftward,out of the air shaft. Down below, she finally sawwhat people meant when they said the citybustled. Never in her life had she seen somany cars, so many people and so manybuildings in a setting.

With her excitement came a feeling offear, though. What was going to become of her?

Sure, she was going to have lots of fun, but wasshe just going to hang out until she waseighteen? What would she do for the next threeand a half years of her life?

Thats when she decided that she neededto go back to school. Besides, life was boring

enough, every day on the streets of Pittsburgh.New York, though adventurous, could turn outthe same way, she figured. She neededsomething to occupy her time.


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Then she felt lonely as she looked downat all the people going off to do something.Whom would she share her adventure with?

And whom did she have to talk and laugh withwhen things were bliss? Funny, because shealways imagined being alone, but now, morethan anything, she wished she had someone toshare the moment with.

Then she thought about her mother,

again. Would she ever know what happened toher? Or would it be a lifetime of unansweredquestions?

She lay on the bed and watched televisionfor hours until she was anxious. She needed togo for a walk, or to do something. So she took aquick shower and brushed her hair. Then shechanged into warmer clothes and left the hotelroom.

A few guests passed her by as she wentdown the hall. Never had she seen such nicely

dressed people, and it was hard to imagine thatshe was staying in the same hotel as them.

She stepped off the elevator and into thedim entrance hall. Across the lobby, an older,but still young, man stood behind a thick wooddesk. He smiled at her.

Please dont talk to me, she muttered.

She tried to walk past and ignore theman, but he asked, Can I help you?


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On a rack beside his desk was a ton ofmaps and little books.

Wheres a good place to eat?

Outside, she noticed things she didntwhen she arrived. Everyone looked so seriousand determined to get to where they were

going. Strangers flew by each other as if theywere walking on treadmills. Big grey buildingstowered over her head. Across the street wasCentral Park. Down from there, many cars andtaxis circled around an intersection. The sunmade the buildings look golden.

Catching her breath, she walked to theend of the street, made a right and found thecaf the clerk told her about.

~~~

Three days later, Piper sat in a coffee

shop and looked at the Village Voicenewspaper. She got queasy at the thought ofactually calling some of the numbers. Whatwould she say? How would the conversationstart?

Her options looked like few, as manyplaces had a lot of requirements that she wassure she wouldnt be able to provide. Theywanted things like proof of income and such.The rentals that had fewer requirements gaveher the impression that they were possibly in


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lesser neighborhoods. However, there weremany advertisements for live-in motels, andthey were already furnished.

She decided to try for an apartment, first.A motel might offer less privacy. Less privacymight mean shed have to move around a lot.

Piper took a bite of her egg, cheese andbacon bagel and chewed, thoughtfully. Then

picked up the little prepaid cell phone shepurchased and dialed the first number shecircled.

Village Rental Agency; this is Jackie.

The woman had a strange and annoying

accent.

I - I, she stammered, Im calling aboutthe one bedroom apartment?

What listing number?

I dont see, uh, oh yeah.

She read the number and waited, hopingshed say something.

I have an opening at 1 pm and at 3 pm,tomorrow. When can you come see it?

3 pm sounds good. How do I get there?


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The woman gave her directions. Piperhung up feeling relieved and hopeful. Maybeapartment searching wasnt so bad, after all.

The next day, she walked up the stoop ofa scary looking building. But like many otherplaces in the city, once she got inside, the dcorwas much friendlier. The walls were freshlypainted and clean smelling. In the corner of thelobby and mail room, a man watered some

plants. He looked at her and said, Please signin.

He nodded his head at the desk. Piper didas he asked and then walk up the steps to thethird floor. She knocked on the door and thewoman, Jackie, appeared.

The place was small but clean. It hadwood floors, white walls and a nice big windowin the living room. Piper felt a little excited asshe looked around. Shed always fantasizedabout having a place of her own; the place she

saw in her head looked a lot like the one thatshe stood in, now. No, it wasnt the richesthome in the city, she was sure, but it was nice,neat and clean. Best, she didnt have to beembarrassed about living there.

But then she went into the kitchen and

saw a cockroach in the sink. Jackie must havenoticed her shock, for she said, Its hard toavoid some pests in the city. You get so manypeople living here for so many years. The wallsnever really get re built. The best one can hope


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for is quality control. Youre not from the cityare you?

She shook her head.

Despite the lovely living room, the kitchenwas a different story. It had an old, ugly stove,the sink was yellowed, and the refrigeratormust have been from the 70s.

They made their way into the bedroom,which had a nice big closet. The bathroom hadan old toilet, sink and tub. For some reason, itwas particularly chilly.

What do you think? asked Jackie in ananxious manner. It seemed she had some other

place to be, as she looked at her watch,repeatedly.

Its nice, she said uncertainly,wondering what would happen next.

And would you like to apply?

Apply?

Yes, here, she said, handing her astapled stack of papers and looking at herpeculiarly. Fill this out. How old are you, do youmind me asking?

Piper didnt hear the question becauseshe was shocked by the amount of informationbeing requested on just the first page.


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What does this mean?

She pointed at a line on the page. Jackieleant over and said, Credit references. Youneed to provide at least three credit accountsthat we check up on, you know, to verify whoyou are and that you make your payments.

Not only did it ask for credit references,but it wanted work detail and bank account

numbers.

The lady handed her a pen.

What if I dont have all of thisinformation?

Then Im afraid you wont be able to rentwith our agency. Take the application to yourparents. Ask them to cosign for you. Dontworry; most kids dont have all therequirements to rent. Unfortunately, I cant holdthe apartment for you, though.

Crestfallen, she walked down the threeflights of stairs. If this was what she needed toget an apartment, then she was out of luck. Shewas going to be back on the streets, eventually.No doubt about it.

She went back to the motel, feeling worsethan when she first became homeless.

The next morning, someone left anotherpaper outside her door. Despite the totalhopelessness she faced in finding a place, she


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opened it and looked anyway. This time, shefound an advertisement for a place just north bya few blocks. It said all she needed was a

security deposit and identification.Immediately, she put on her shoes,

grabbed some money and walked over.

The hotel was much shabbier than theone she was, currently, in. The lobby smelled

like pine cleaner and the desk clerk wasdressed in plain clothes.

She walked up and placed the section ofthe paper on the counter.

How long you plan on staying? asked

the man.

I dont know.

Rent is due every month on the 5th. Youget a three day grace after that, but if yourenot paid, and youre still here, youll be

removed. Sign here and here.

He set a couple different documentsdown; then took her security deposit and ledher to a room.

You got any stuff?

Yeah, just not with me. Its in the otherhotel.


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The halls were dank and smelled ofcleaners, too. He opened the door to her room.It was much older than hers. It was only the

third floor, so she could hear the trafficconstantly going by. To the right was a bed withan old comforter. On the left was a small tablewith two chairs, and a television on a dresser.There was a large closet and a microwave andcoffee machine atop a refrigerator right acrossfrom the bathroom.

Housekeepers come through once perweek. You can put your valuables in that safethere. Be careful, if you forget the combination,theres $150 fee to open the safe. If you needanything, call downstairs.

That very day, she checked out of thehotel and into her new room. Although sheloved her upscale room and view, and couldhave stayed much longer, she was tired ofbeing uprooted and moving around. She wantedto get settled as soon as possible.

The only down part to her new place wasthe noise. She could hear people talking in thehalls and down below. Still, it was a relief tohave someplace to call home for a while. Sheknew she could live there, comfortably, andwithout questions for a long while. That night

was a cold and bitter one. Fall was settling in,but she slept better than she had in weeksbecause her biggest worry was done for now.


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Just Hangin

Chapter 10

Over the following weeks, Piper hardly thoughtof her mother. Instead, she indulged in all thatshed never had before. Although keeping inmind that she needed to be careful with hermoney, she managed to buy a new wardrobe,and when she wasnt hanging out at the movie

theaters or playing around on her new netbookat the caf, she was hanging out at a coolmakeup shop in Times Square. There weretimes when she was lonely, but she kept busyby doing all the things tourists did when theycame to visit. When she wasnt shopping oracting like a tourist, shed go to the park andread for hours.

Today was to be the first day of class forPiper. Although obsessed with spoiling herself,shed made time to carefully go about gettingher old high school records, and enrolling at the

West Side Learning Institute. After all, shecouldnt spend the rest of her days shopping.Besides, she was determined to try to lead anormal life, no matter what. The most normalthing she could do is finish school, but this time,she promised herself things would be different.

Back home, shed been miserablebecause of her crazy mother, hateful peers atschool and her shabby appearance. Now, shehad the ability to be a whole new person, notjust because she, now, had money, but because


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being on her own gave her new confidence. Asshe thought about everything shed beenthrough, in her entire life, it occurred to her that

fate might have intervened; that on somekarmic level, she was getting her chance tocorrect all the wrongs in her life. There was noway that shed let the chance go to waste bysitting around until she was eighteen, andfretting over what happened to herirresponsible and abusive mother.

That morning, however, butterflies filledher stomach. She lay in bed hardly able tobreathe for fear of what school in the city wouldbe like. So far, just in the streets, people wereshort and abrupt, borderline rude. If the kidswere like that at school, would she have thestrength to stand up to them? Back home, theanswer was no, but now, she had to change.Somehow, having to stand up for herselffrightened her. What if she made a fool ofherself? Or found that she wasnt strong, andher enemies, like before, easily squashed her?

Oh well, she couldnt think about itanymore. She had an hour until her first classand hadnt even eaten breakfast.

She got out of bed and took a quickshower. As she rushed down a bowl of cereal,

she slipped into her dark blue jeans and a pinkcardigan. Standing in front of the mirror, sheran her hairbrush through real quick.


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She stood, still, looking at herself in themirror. How shed changed in just a matter ofweeks. When she first arrived, she was starved,

gaunt and looked every bit the homeless personshe was. Now, she looked healthy, her skin wasbright, and for a moment, she thought shelooked pretty.

She exhaled, grabbed her new backpackand ran down the steps onto the sidewalk.

She pulled a map out of the front of herbackpack and walked along the street, trying tofigure out where the school was, as shedregistered over the phone.

When she bumped into someone,

knocking the map out of her hands; it floated onthe air, down the street.

What the hell? asked the girl. Watchwhere youre going, idiot!

The girl walked off, her long blonde hairbouncing on the air.

Muttering, Sorry, Piper looked down thestreet, watching her map fly away. How was shegoing to get to school, now?

Then she decided to try and find it on herown. She remembered which street it was on,and its number was four-thousand orsomething. So she kept on until she realizedthat she and the blonde girl were likely headedin the same direction.


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Careful to keep a few paces behind, Pipernoticed more kids were on the same block asthey were. Some walked together while others

walked separately.As she walked, she couldnt help but

notice the caliber of students they were. It waslike they all could have been fashion models,what with the way they were all dressed likewalking advertisements.

Their attitudes were also different. Unlikethe brooding, tough gangster thing she wasused to seeing, these kids were loud, boisterousand smiling and laughing; although, at thesame time, some of them were still menacing,but just in a different way. She didnt know howto interpret it, except that their menacingwasnt menacing-thug but rather menacing-fun.

In that moment, it became clear to Piperthat she was not only going to some school onthe West Side, but that it might be a school for

middle-to-upper class kids. As she thoughtabout this, her stomach became unsettledagain. Shed never been around kids from goodfamilies. Would they be nicer or meaner?

At the corner light, they were joined byeven more kids, making her feel claustrophobic,

for a moment. The girl whom she ran into wasright in front of her. Piper was self-consciousbecause two boys stood very closely behindher. If she could have, shed have walked away,but she was closed in by bodies on her left and


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right as well. She just wasnt used to having solittle space to herself. Sure, there were timeswhen she found herself walking through rush

hour back home, but it was nothing like this.She almost stumbled, trying to keep

ahead of the two boys when she accidentallystepped on the back shoe of the blonde girl.

Ow, she screamed and tripped across

the street. Then she turned around and pushedPiper who stumbled to the ground. The boyssimply walked around her with smirks on theirfaces.

The girl kept walking while the rest of thekids just went around her. Cars beeped at her to

hurry up and get out of the street.

She stayed far back behind the crowd.She was so embarrassed; it was not how shewanted her first day to start.

Up ahead, a tall grey building appeared.In front of it, teenagers milled about. Cars rodeup and let kids out onto the sidewalk. They saidgoodbyes, slammed their doors, and then thecars sped off, only to be replaced by others.

Red faced and still humiliated, Piper

walked up the steps into the long hall. Beforeher were hundreds of lockers. Kids werestanding about talking. To the right was theprincipals office, and to the left were thenurses. She went right.


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A few minutes later with a new schedulein hand, she walked up several sets of stairsand found her assigned locker. Even though she

planned to download all of her books that year,she still set a combination lock on it, and thenwent to find her class on the same floor butaround the corner.

The school was much nicer than backhome. The walls were fresh white, and the

lockers werent marked up, rusted or beat in. Itdidnt smell like urine and bleach in the halls,cigarette smoke didnt emanate from thebathrooms, and people werent screaming andyelling at each other, but rather laughing andtalking. Girls put on makeup and brushed theirhair, and showed off their outfits to each other.Boys watched the girls, talked and laughed.

She found her class. The teacher wasntin, yet, so she sat in a seat midway into theroom. A group of boys over in the cornerwatched her, their eyes going up and down,

making her nervous.

Right as she sat, the same voice shedheard earlier that day yelled, Thatsmy seat,idiot!

The blonde girls face was fuchsia.

Sorry, Piper muttered.

She stood up and found a seat evenfurther to the back of the room.


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Although shed managed to make a foolof herself that morning, she left class feelingslightly relieved. She worried about what it

would be like attending a school with kids fromgood families, but it wasnt all that bad. In fact,she found that, unlike back home, the teachersand the kids were much calmer, more politeand respectful. The teacher made requests, andthe kids obeyed, only rarely causing problems.Then the teacher asked for the prior weeks

homework, and every single student turned it inwithout a fuss.

In her old school, it wasnt uncommonthat within the first thirty minutes, the teacherwould have assigned half a dozen detentions aswell as kicked at least one kid out of class. And,homework? Forget about it.

Even the blonde girl, whose name wasAnna, wasnt as threatening as she thought.Yeah, she pushed her down in the street, butshe was just as normal as the other kids. When

class was over, and Piper walked past her downthe hall, the girl pretended like she didnt evenexist. Back home, a girl like her would havetried to put her in the hospital already.

On her way home, after school, thereseemed to be fewer kids than in the morning.She was glad because she didnt want to haveto follow Anna home. But there was one girlshed seen in the cafeteria at lunch time. She


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had her hair tied up in a tight bun and worethick black glasses.

Piper walked behind her for a while. Shewas extremely annoyed because the girl keptlooking back at her, and then staring her up anddown. She wanted to ask her what her problemwas, but instead, she hung back, taking smallersteps so that the girl got far ahead of her.

When she got to her corner, the girlturned left. This frustrated her because she wasgoing the same direction as her hotel. The lastthing she wanted was for someone, like her, toknow where she lived. It might look strange,especially considering the kind of school shewent to.

When the girl turned her head back oncemore, Piper flipped her the bird. Briefly, hereyes widened, she turned forward and kept on.

Her motel was approaching. While her

head was forward, she took the moment to runas quickly as she could through the glass doors.

Slow down! said the man behind thedesk.

Piper walked up the stairs. In her room,

she threw down her bag and went to thewindow to see if the girl had gone.

She pulled back the curtain and there shewas at the light. She turned her head back andlooked up at the hotel.


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A buzzing feeling erupted on the back ofher neck. Did the girl see her run inside? Shehad to be very careful. Next time, she wouldnt

return to the hotel, if she were being followed.Shed keep walking until she lost her stalker.The most important thing was for her to protecther secrets.

Over the next few days at school, Piperwould continue to run into the mean girl, Anna.Anna was always in the company of her closestfriend, Terry. They were in the same year asPiper, and extremely well liked. Anna wasalways dressed the best. Terry wasnt so muchbut she was a devoted underling. All the boysadmired Anna. They watched her as she walkedby, and they talked, feverishly, about her whenshed gone.

Although she was the most admired in theyear, it seemed that there were different kinds

of popularity. Some kids were popular for howthey looked while others were popular for howsmart they were, and how much recognitionthey got for it. This was another differencebetween school and back home. Back home,people werent ever respected for doing well,and they never would have been admired if

they dressed like Anna. Yes, she was nice withher cashmere argyle sweaters and Seven jeans,but in Pittsburgh, she wouldve never beenaccepted.


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Anna didnt say anything more to Piper,until one day after lunch. In the bathroom, shefound her arguing with a pale faced girl shed

seen in the cafeteria at lunch times. She satwith the same girl shed flipped off the otherday.

She had no idea what they were arguingabout as their screams were deafening the waythey vibrated off the bathroom walls. Normally,

she would have turned around and came backlater but Piper really needed to go. She tried towalk around the two when suddenly a hand flewout and smacked her right in the back of herhead. Nails scratched across her ear and cheek.

Piper was stunned. It occurred to her thatshe meant to hit the pale faced girl, but sheexpected an apology all the same.

What the hell was that for?

She dabbed the side of her cheek, which

was bleeding.Why dont you mind your business and

get the hell out of here! Anna screamed.

Piper didnt know what got into her at thatmoment. All she knew was that shed put up

with a lot from way tougher girls than Anna. Shewasnt going to let her intimidate her becauseshe was, in a way, beneath her.


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She grabbed Anna by the neck of her redsweater and swung her around and into thesink. Then she extended her fist into her face.

The pale faced girl ran out.

Anna swung her open hand at her, in anattempt to smack her. Piper caught her by thewrist, and smacked her on the cheek instead.

Her face was flushed red and livid. Shestood, stunned for a moment, and then violentlypushed her to the ground. Then she made forthe door, but Piper wasnt going to let her getthe last attack. She stood up and grabbed herby the collar again, and swung her into abathroom stall. The neck of her sweater ripped

and the sound of her splashing into the toiletechoed off the walls. Some water evensprinkled Piper in the face.

Suddenly, there was a lot of laughter. Shehadnt realized it, but the word that there was a

fight spread fast. Now, there were a dozenstudents in the bathroom, watching, and someboys, too.

Anna tried to run past Piper and head forthe door, but the pale faced girl had returned.She stuck out her foot, and Anna fell to the

floor.

The crowd roared again.

Then Annas friend, Terry, entered thebathroom. Right behind her was a teacher who


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told them all to go to class or face punishment.Then she forced her and Anna to the principalsoffice.

Needless to say, Piper and Anna wereboth suspended for the rest of the week. Piperdidnt really care because she felt the girl gotwhat was coming to her. No, it didnt look good

for her, especially being only her second weekat school, but she was glad that she stood upfor herself. And as she walked home that day,feeling good, she promised herself that shedlive up to the reputation of the fierce tigressthat came out of her that day in the restroom.There would always be someone stronger thanshe, but let those worthy of bullying her put herdown. Never, would she allow someone likeAnna to get one over on her.

Not ever again.

She was so engrossed in her thoughtsthat she didnt hear the girl coming up, behindher.

Hey, that was pretty funny how you gotAnna in the toilet bowl.

The girl whom she flipped off was walkingbeside her. Dressed in her usual black, andlooking like a mysterious librarian, she smiledwide.


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My friends were laughing about it allthrough class.

Oh, you know, its really not funny,though.

What do you mean?

Well, laughing at anothers misery.

She looked at her a moment, and thensaid, You take things really seriously, dontyou? You look like a serious type.

They walked a bit in silence. Then shesaid, Its not that we want to laugh at peoplesmisery, its just that girl is a mean girl.

Sometimes, you can try and try to talk butpeople dont hear you. Sometimes, you have tofight. Well, today, thats what you did, right? Iknow that girl was harassing you on your firstday. We all heard the stuff she was sayingabout you.

Really, she said sounding surprised. Ididnt know she was talking about me.

Dont worry about it. We hardly listened.Everyone knows what a no brain that chick is.Yeah, shes got a rich dad and all, but shes not

that cool. She even almost flunked out ofstatistics.

Piper laughed to herself.


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Yeah, I think its funny, too. If shedoesnt marry well, shell be on welfare forsure.

Despite learning what kind of kids shewent to school with, it was still appalling to hearthe girl speak that way of Anna. Back home, akid would be made fun of for passing statistics,not failing it. No one cared if people were smartand in fact, it seemed like it was cooler not to

be smart.

My name is Linda.

Piper.

You live in that hotel, huh? Its not a very

nice one. How come you dont have a house?Youre not poor, are you?

Piper didnt know what to say. Her facegot hot and her eyebrows furrowed,involuntarily.

What? Am I being rude? she saidmockingly.

Go away,

Piper walked ahead of her.

What? she said, running to catch up.Im just kidding. I dont care where you live.Hey, invite me up and we can do homeworktogether. I dont want to go home. I hate mymother. She drives me crazy.


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She looked at the girl. Eagerness was inher eyes.

I cant. I have to do chores andhomework. Plus, Im not allowed to haveguests.

Want to come over to my house, then?We could do homework there?

Im really sorry but I cant. Not today, mymother would say no.

Oh, okay, well bye, then.

Piper ran up the steps of the shabbyhotel.

Ignoring the clerk, she ran up the stairs,into her room, dropped her back pack and ranto the window. There she was, down below,waiting at the light. Briefly, she turned her headand looked up at the building.

Piper jumped to the side of the wall, heartpounding and breathing hard.

~~~

The next week at school, all eyes were onPiper wherever she went. People stared andwhispered and pointed. She didnt let it get herdown. Anna had lots of friends but she wasntgoing to let anyone intimidate her anymore. Letthem talk, she decided. Besides, she had moreimportant things to worry about, like school


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work. She was having trouble keeping up withall the assignments. Never had she been givenso much to do, and she seemed to have a

learning gap, too. It scared her more than Annaand her friends. What if she got labeled an idiot,like Anna?

At lunchtime, Piper walked into thecafeteria, tray in hand. Linda was sitting in acorner at the far end and waved her over. First,

she hesitated, but then, something made her goover anyway. Though Linda could be cruel, itwas nice having someone to talk to, that day onher way home.

Sitting across from Linda was the palefaced girl from the bathroom. She smiled asPiper came and sat down.

This is Molly.

Both Linda and Molly loved to wear black,but Linda was trying to look sophisticated while

Molly had an emo-scene thing going. They wereboth pale skinned with dark hair and pale blueeyes, although Mollys hair was shiny black andLindas was very dark brown.

Despite their fashion differences, theylooked like they could have been sisters. They

both liked to wear classic red lipstick and theirbody language was elegant.

Watching them made her self-conscious.What if she acted like a street kid?


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But they were actually pretty nice, shesoon realized.

Hey, Molly smiled. Sorry you gotsuspended because of me and Anna. Sheactually didnt mean to hit you.

Yeah, I figured that, but she just mademe so mad. Ever since the first day of school,Id wanted to get back at her.

Well, everyones talking about. Everyonewas rooting for you, Linda said as shemotioned to the room with her hand.

Me? Why?

Because nobody likes her, said Molly.Shes just a rich, dumb blonde only good fortaking beef and buying beer.

Confusion at Mollys words must haveshown on her face because Linda said, It wasjoke. Then she laughed.

Well, said Piper, trying to be chipper,you look like youre both enjoying yourselvesover here.

But Molly was distracted.

What are you looking at?

That guy over there.

Which one?


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Piper turned around while moving herhead up and down.

Ah! Molly exclaimed, and threw her faceforward onto the table. You looked! Now hesgonna know were talking about him.

She lifted her face from the table. Lindalaughed, hysterically.

The whole table was, now, looking atthem.

Hi!Linda said, waving at them.

The boy in question also turned red.Quickly, he looked away and continued talking

to his buddies.

So who is he? Are you guys going out orsomething? asked Piper.

Sort of, I think. I saw him at this pizzaplace we went to, last Friday. He came up to

talk to me. We hung out for a while, and the hewalked me partway home. We kissed in thealley for at least forty five minutes and it was sohot. See look, hes looking at me.

Piper and Linda looked just long enoughto see the guy dart his eyes away while jerkinghis head in a motion that clearly said he wasembarrassed. If he really did like Molly, Piperthought he had a funny way of showing it.


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But what did she know? Piper had neverhad a boyfriend. Shed had crushes before butbeing that she was always so ragged in

appearance, there was never any hope for herto have a guy like her back. So she didnt knowexactly what to say in response to Mollysobvious love of the guy who seemed to besnubbing her. She decided it was better to keepquiet for the moment.

Throughout the rest of the lunch hour,they talked nonsense. Piper tried to smile andparticipate, but there were some things she waslost on. Linda smiled and said, Dont worry.Well bring you along next time. Youll knowpeople, here, in no time. Everyone will want tomeet the girl who threw Anna into a toilet,haha.

When the bell rang, they walked to class,together.


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New Friends

Chapter 11

Walking home after school, Linda convincedPiper to stop for coffee with her and Molly.Along the way, they approached a cute littleshop with an array of underwear in the window.

Lets go in! Molly said.

The store was brightly lit with white wallsthat made Piper wish she wore sunglasses.Piper was blown away by the store. Never hadshe seen such sexy garments. Up on the wallwas a cork board, and thongs in every color ofthe rainbow were nailed to it. Some were fine

like gauze while others were shiny like silk.

A woman behind the counter, reading amagazine rolled her eyes at them as theywalked in.

Can I help you? she asked nastily.

No, thanks, said Molly.

The woman eyed Piper and her friends asthey looked around.

On a table was a pile of lacy camisoles.Fascinated, Piper picked one up, and when shesaw the price tag, her jaw dropped.

Feeling a bit intimidated by theatmosphere, Piper hung back and observed


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Molly and Linda walking about the store, pickingup all kinds of merchandise. Could they reallyafford all that?

When they appeared to be done, Piperfollowed them up to the register. They dumpedtheir arm loads onto the counter.

You want to buy all these?

Well, yeah, said Molly in a funny voice.

Dont you want to try any of this stuffon?

Then Molly and Linda burst into fits oflaughter.

No, we dont buy anything. We wanted tosee if youd roll your eyes at us and be as rudeto us, as when we walked in the door, if weplayed a mean trick on you. Well, bye! Mollysaid in an overly cheerful voice and then walkedtoward the door; Linda followed.

Piper, shocked, looked at the lady amoment, and then followed them out, too.

Outside, they laughed hard and clutchedtheir bellies. Piper watched. She wasnt surehow to interpret their behavior, as shed neverwitnessed anything like it before. Sure, thestore clerk was rude, but shed never behave asthey did.


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Fifteen minutes later, they sat down in acoffee shop with mocha lattes; Piper with aplain hot cocoa. Despite Mollys and Lindas

uncomfortable behavior, she enjoyed sittingthere over drinks with two friendly faces. It wasnice to be included.

They chatted about a number of things,

namely Mollys older brother whod gone off tocollege. His father threatened to disown himwhen he refused to go to Yale and study law,and so he snuck off to Cornell while he wasaway on business to study art history.

The conversation made Piper even more

uncomfortable. What did she have in commonwith these girls? She didnt know if anyone inher family had gone to college. Then theysuddenly turned the focus of their conversationto her.

Piper, tell us about your family. Whatdoes your mother do, and what brought youhere? asked Molly.

Why do you ask?

Well, youre obviously not from the city,

Linda replied.

She took a sip from her drink to stall andthink of something to say.

My parents are divorced.


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Thankfully, Molly took over from there.

Oh okay, thats why you looked so guilty,just now! Look, you dont have to beembarrassed about divorce. We may be fromreputable families but we have the sameproblems as everyone else. I live with my dadand his third wife.

Yep, said Linda, and I live with my

mom and her second husband.

Does your mom work? Molly asked her.

Piper couldnt think of a lie, so shedecided to tell the truth.

No, shes kind of lazy.

Oh, tell me about! yelled Linda. Ugh!Your mom and my mom would get along great!My mother doesnt do anything, be it in thehouse or outside of it. Shopping, working outand grooming; thats her goal in life. Shes a

house cat. No wonder she makes my step dadsick. She makes my dad sick, too! I never wantto be like her. Im gonna do something with mylife.

Piper couldnt help but smile. At that

moment, she felt closer to them than she couldhave imagined.

What? Dont look so shocked, saidMolly. We got problems, too.


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Piper never thought they didnt haveproblems. Simply, it was nice to hear thatothers hated their parents almost as much as

she hated her mother. Maybe it wasnt quite thesame thing, but at least she could be honestabout her feelings, and for that, she wasgrateful.

Does your mom work out? asked Linda.My mom might want to hang out sometime.

She asks all my friends mothers over.

Prepared this time to deflect questions,Piper spoke over her.

Molly what does your mother do?

An hour later, they split up because theyneeded to get home. As she walked in the frontdoor of her shabby hotel room, she sighed.Hanging out with Molly and Linda was the besttime shed ever had, and she hoped it didntend. Never, had she had real friends before.

Usually, people would hang out with her, butonly when they thought no one was looking.When she was a kid, no one wanted to play withher. How nice it was to have real conversationsand be accepted, even if it was a bad idea toget close to others at the moment. But as longas she was careful, shed be fine, she told

herself.

Then she reached into her book bag. Shepulled out a turkey deli sandwich and sodashed picked up on the way home.


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She had fun with Linda and Molly, andthat was great, but in the end, none of it wouldlast if she couldnt get a grip on school. So far,

shed gotten a failing grade on nearly everyEnglish paper shed written, and math was justa mess. She was doing worse than failing; shemight as well not even show up to class.

Piper just didnt understand it. Shedalways done well at school back home. True,

she got all Cs but she didnt think that was allbad. A little extra effort and she should begetting As.

But then as she sat back and chewed hersandwich, she realized that she never reallyeven earned those Cs. Every day, and as mostinner city kids know, school was not an activeplace of learning. Rather, every day, theyd goto school and the teachers would sit behindtheir desks and read their newspapers. No onewas to talk. Theyd write assignments on theboard, and the kids were to do them. The

teachers would

maternal absence

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