Mastering Difficult Conversations

A Key Skill Within Your Winning Game

PlanTerri Wallin, MHA, RN

CEO Wallin Enterprises, LLC

Outcomes Define difficult conversations &

components of healthy and unhealthy conversations

Describe at least 3 successful techniques that minimize negative consequences in conversations

Identify at least 2 ways you can improve upon your delivery with difficult conversations

What is a difficult conversation? When something is said, done or

given that causes or has the potential to cause another party to react unfavorably

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“The big three blind spots are tone of voice, facial expressions, and body language. The listener is very aware of these, the talker is not.”

Douglas Stone, AuthorDifficult Conversations: How to Discuss What Matters Most

Source: http://www.goodreads.com/author/quotes/8697.Douglas_Stone

The role of body language

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It’s not what you said, it’s how you said it…

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About Difficult Conversations…Healthy Components Unhealthy Components

• Readiness for the conversation • Accusations before having facts together

• Thoughtfulness about the impact to the receiver

• Arrogance and lack of compassion

• Respectful message delivery • Engaging your mouth before your head has time to think

• Active listening • Having to be right• Matched body language &

words• Jumping to conclusions without

hearing all sides• Proper timing for the

conversation• Unwillingness to listen

• Transparency • Not owning your part to play

Helpful Techniques with ConversationsIn advance of a conversation… Do your homework and have accurate facts Analyze if there is a possibility for an

unfavorable response Think through every possible scenario - the

worst to best reaction Think through your ideal response based

on possible scenarios Practice in advance – watching body

language & words Know your triggers and value violations

Helpful Techniques with ConversationsDuring the Conversation… Tell the truth – always! Stay defenseless and clear Make the discussion a conversation rather

than a confrontation Get to the point as quickly as possible With behavior conversations, use examples

that are real• Refrain from adjectives – describe the behavior

Seek to understand, ask questions Listen, reframe and ask receiver if you heard

correctly Use the broken record technique when

needed

Spotting signs for deterioration Watch body language Voices change – pitch, tone,

loudness Words become less tactful and

more defensive Facial changes – color, tears, etc. Sudden animation of one party

or both Disinterest/disengagement Blaming and minimal/no

ownership

There’s one on one difficult conversations, what about groups…

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Let’s talk through at least 1 scenario Hacked system over the weekend,

payroll is gone… Expenses out of whack, lay-offs are the

solution – 5 have to go from your division

Client yelling at scheduling staff or when you come to the door for a visit…

Competitor that is your best colleague and friend hires your star performer…

Let’s practice 1 of these The chronically late comers The roamers The gossipers The fast, but inaccurate The sour pickles The catastrophizers The backstabbers The inaccurate time card recorders And the list goes on…

Self-assessment

Take a moment to complete the assessment

This is not research driven, but will give you an idea for areas of focus

Place an “X” in the box most fitting to you• U if unsure• 1 if it never true about you• 2 if it is sometimes true about you• 3 if it is always true about you

“For good ideas and true innovation, you need human interaction, conflict, argument, debate.”

Margaret Heffernan

Let’s leave with this…

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