marriage & family - part 2 : making the choice & understanding roles of husband and wife

Chapter 3 : Making The Choice


Four Realms of Compatibility

Genesis 2:24 (MSG) Therefore a man leaves his father and mother and embraces his wife. They become one flesh.

Amos 3:3 (MSG) Do two people walk hand in hand if they aren't going to the same place?

Mark 3:25 And if a house is divided against itself, that house cannot stand.

Spiritual compatibilityEmotional and intellectual compatibilityPhysical compatibilityCompatibility in life's calling


Four Realms of Compatibility

Proverbs 4:26 Ponder the path of your feet, And let all your ways be established.


Watch Out For Warning Signs

Signs of immaturitySigns of lack of preparationSigns of character weaknessesSigns of parental controlSigns of parental dependence

Get insight from parents and/or spiritual mentors


Watch Out For Warning Signs

Romans 14:5 (GNB)...We each should firmly make up our own minds.

James 1:8 he is a double-minded man, unstable in all his ways.


What Do You Expect? What Can You Give?

Q1 : What kind of spouse would you really like? What traits or qualities that are really important? What traits or qualities are nice but not critical?



Q2 : What are your expectations of marriage? What kind of a home and family would you like to see

built? Keep this practical and realistic.



Q3 : What traits and qualities can I bring into my marriage for the benefit of my spouse?

Q4 : How can I help toward building my marriage and building a home and family that I would like to see as

described in my response to Q2?



Genesis 24:1-15


Is There An "Appointed One" And Only?

Rebecca could have said 'No'

Abraham's servant went out on the search for a bride and depended on God's guidance. He had his way of

discerning God's guidance.



Abraham's servant did not over-ride the choice and will of the bride's family

Ultimately it was Rebecca's decision

There are many others whom God has led differently



in doing the seeking, you are not going about trying to find the "appointed" one for your life, but the person

you recognize as the one God is guiding you to and that you determine would be best for you. The one that you choose with God's guidance then becomes

"the appointed one" for you.



Matthew 7:7 (GNB)7 "Ask, and you will receive; seek, and you will find; knock, and the door will be opened to you.

Proverbs 18:22 (MSG) Find a good spouse, you find a good life--and even more: the favor of GOD!


Doing The Seeking

Proverbs 19:14 (GNB) A man can inherit a house and money from his parents, but only the LORD can give him a sensible wife.


Doing The Seeking

Making the decision on the person you are going to marry is a combination of the leading of God’s Spirit, following the instructions in God's Word, and using

sound judgment, wisdom and godly counsel.


Doing The Seeking

Ephesians 5:17 Therefore do not be unwise, but understand what the will of the Lord is.


Discerning God's Guidance

Romans 12:2 (GNB) And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God.



Colossians 1:9 (GNB) For this reason we have always prayed for you, ever since we heard about you. We ask God to fill you with the knowledge of his will, with all the wisdom and understanding that his Spirit gives.



Does this person have the traits and qualities that are important to me?Is there alignment and compatibility in all four realms?Is the person ready (prepared) or can this be addressed properly?



Are there any warning signs and have these been adequately addressed?Is there a witness (leading) in your spirit given by the Holy Spirit? Do you have God's peace about this?Are there any other external indicators where you have seen God's hand at work in guiding you to this?



Is it mutual? Are both ready to say 'Yes' to each other?Is there support and approval from parents?Is there support and approval from spiritual elders who oversee your life?



Romans 12:12 (GNB) Let your hope keep you joyful, be patient in your troubles, and pray at all times.

Hebrews 11:1 (GNB) To have faith is to be sure of the things we hope for, to be certain of the things we cannot see.


While You Are In Waiting

No Sex Before Marriage! Just say No!Higher standards for those in ministryUntil you are married, You are NOT married


The Engagement Period

Singleness could be a choice you make for Kingdom purposes (Matthew 19:11-12)

Singleness is a gift - you are empowered for a life of celibacy (1 Corinthians 7:7-9,28)


Am I Called To Be Single?

Singleness is a choice you make to focus on spiritual pursuits (1 Corinthians 7:32-38)


Am I Called To Be Single?

Chapter 4 : Understanding Roles

1 Peter 3:7 (MSG)The same goes for you husbands: Be good husbands to your wives. Honor them, delight in them. As women they lack some of your advantages. But in the new life of God's grace, you're equals. Treat your wives, then, as equals so your prayers don't run aground.


Equals, Joint-Heirs And Interdependent

1 Corinthians 11:11-12 (GNB)11 In our life in the Lord, however, woman is not independent of man, nor is man independent of woman. 12 For as woman was made from man, in the same way man is born of woman; and it is God who brings everything into existence.


Equals, Joint-Heirs And Interdependent

Ephesians 5:21-33 (MSG)21 Out of respect for Christ, be courteously reverent to one another. 22 Wives, understand and support your husbands in ways that show your support for Christ.


A Divine Parallel : Christ And His Church

Ephesians 5:21-33 (MSG)23 The husband provides leadership to his wife the way Christ does to his church, not by domineering but by cherishing. 24 So just as the church submits to Christ as he exercises such leadership, wives should likewise submit to their husbands.



Ephesians 5:21-33 (MSG)25 Husbands, go all out in your love for your wives, exactly as Christ did for the church--a love marked by giving, not getting. 26 Christ's love makes the church whole. His words evoke her beauty. Everything he does and says is designed to bring the best out of her,



Ephesians 5:21-33 (MSG)27 dressing her in dazzling white silk, radiant with holiness. 28 And that is how husbands ought to love their wives. They're really doing themselves a favor--since they're already "one" in marriage.



Ephesians 5:21-33 (MSG)29 No one abuses his own body, does he? No, he feeds and pampers it. That's how Christ treats us, the church, 30 since we are part of his body.



Ephesians 5:21-33 (MSG)31 And this is why a man leaves father and mother and cherishes his wife. No longer two, they become "one flesh." 32 This is a huge mystery, and I don't pretend to understand it all. What is clearest to me is the way Christ treats the church.



Ephesians 5:21-33 (MSG)33 And this provides a good picture of how each husband is to treat his wife, loving himself in loving her, and how each wife is to honor her husband.



Husband’s role and responsibility1. Love as Christ loves2. Nourish your wife3. Cherish your wife4. Lead as the head of the marriage5. Know your wife6. Honor your wife



Wife’s role and responsibility1. Love your husband2. Submit to your husband3. Respect your husband4. Help your husband



1 Timothy 3:1-131 Timothy 5:8

Titus 1:6-9Titus 2:1-6


Responsibilities At Home And For The Family

1 Corinthians 7:1-6 (MSG)1 Now, getting down to the questions you asked in your letter to me. First, Is it a good thing to have sexual relations?


Enjoying Sex

1 Corinthians 7:1-6 (MSG)2 Certainly--but only within a certain context. It's good for a man to have a wife, and for a woman to have a husband. Sexual drives are strong, but marriage is strong enough to contain them and provide for a balanced and fulfilling sexual life in a world of sexual disorder.


Enjoying Sex

1 Corinthians 7:1-6 (MSG)3 The marriage bed must be a place of mutuality--the husband seeking to satisfy his wife, the wife seeking to satisfy her husband. 4 Marriage is not a place to "stand up for your rights." Marriage is a decision to serve the other, whether in bed or out.


Enjoying Sex

1 Corinthians 7:1-6 (MSG)5 Abstaining from sex is permissible for a period of time if you both agree to it, and if it's for the purposes of prayer and fasting--but only for such times. Then come back together again. Satan has an ingenious way of tempting us when we least expect it.


Enjoying Sex

1 Corinthians 7:1-6 (MSG)6 I'm not, understand, commanding these periods of abstinence--only providing my best counsel if you should choose them.


Enjoying Sex

Maintain a balanced and fulfilling sex life (vs 2)

Sex must be enjoyed with mutuality, each seeking to satisfy the other (vs 3)


Enjoying Sex

Sex is an opportunity to enable the husband and wife to enjoy each other's bodies and must not be used as a way to "hold something back" (vs 4).

The husband and wife can agree to abstain from sex for a short period of time for prayer and fasting (vs 5)


Enjoying Sex

Proverbs 31:10-31


The Virtuous Woman And Her Husband

For my wife to be a Proverbs 31 wife, I will have to be a Proverbs 31 husband.


The Virtuous Woman And Her Husband