Stouffer-Mayer Volume 7

March 2015

A Path to Commons:A Controversy

The Tribune

ne of Mayer’s time-honored traditions is arguing about which way is faster to Commons for some nommons. The scenario is familiar: walking out into the Mayer breeze-way with friends, yet some move towards the stairs causing the others to step awkwardly slow towards ZBT. “I thought we were going to Commons? Are you ditching me for Wawa mac and cheese?” Google Maps has proved once and for all that the faster way to Commons is just as resident Laura Doherty predicted: “The creepy alley, duh.” Using the measuring tool of Google Maps, we have discovered the shocking truth; taking the “creepy alley” and walking to Com-mons via 38th street is indeed shorter. Opting to walk past ZBT and around the high rises will cost you an extra 153.22ft, which added up over the years accounts for maybe 6 valu-able minutes of your life. “Laura has been super annoying about measuring distances on Google Maps,” says Rick Pezzullo, fourth floor resident and recre-ation manager, “but I guess she’s right.” Other residents aren’t as quick to admit defeat. “I refuse to go in the creepy alley on 38th street just to get to the dining hall,” says

O

freshman resident Adam Mansell. “It’s filled with cigarette butts and spilled food and once I saw a dog give birth at the top of the steps.”. Other factors play into how other Stoufferites get to Commons. Mayer resident Harvey Atkinson claims going around the high rises is the only way for him. “I can only get to Commons via stroller,” he explains. When asked to think about how this information would affect their lives, most Stouffer residents were hesitant to respond. “It doesn’t affect me at all because you never invite me to Commons,” complained Matt Lesser, resident and annoyance on the 4th floor. (Continued on page 4).

Article by: Anonymous (Laura Doherty)

1

EY EVERYONE!

Spring is right around the corner. Well the corner may be further than you would like it to be, but it’s there. Before you know it, you’ll be walking outside and finally be happy that the cold has gone for the season. I don’t know if it’s just me, but warmer weather makes me enjoy school much more. In the mean time, midterms are also upon everyone, and classes seem to be in full swing of work load. Hang in there Stouffer, as Rob Schneider puts it best, “YOU CAN DO IT!”

So I hope everyone will have a wonderful spring break. I will be at home, chilling with my family, and hopefully, not worrying about school for a little bit. I will, however, be working on putting together my architecture portfolio to start applying for grad school.

If any of you want to take pictures of things you do during the break, by all means save a few and send them in to me, so I can put them into the next issue!

H

See You All Around,

Isaiah Harris CAS 2016

Stouffer Communications Managerharrisi@sas.upenn.edu

Spring is Upon Us

Favorite and Life Changing Books for some of the Stouffer Residents

JCVisions of Cody (Jack Kerouac)Ficciones (Jorge Luis Borge)Watchmen (Alan Moore & Dave Gibbons)My Autobiography (Charles Chaplin)Invisible Man (Ralph Ellison)PhilLord of the Rings (J.R.R1. Tolkien)To Kill a Mockingbird (Harper Lee)Dune (Frank Herbert)The Foundation Trilogy (Isaac Asimov)Corruption and Government: Causes, Consequences Reform (Susan Rose-Ackerman)Escape from Colditz (Pat Reid)

HarveyPat the Bunny (Dorothy Kunhardt)1

AmandaPride and Prejudice (Jane Austen)Lonesome Dove (Larry McMurty)An Hour Before Daylight (Jimmy Carter)To Kill a Mockingbird (Harper Lee)

NoahAct One: An Autobiography (Moss Hart)Saturday Night: A Backstage History of Saturday Night Live (Doug Hill & Jeff Weingrad)George S. Kaufman and His Friends (Scott Meredith)

Info gathered by: Laura Doherty

2

What is Princeton Doing That We Are Not

nyone who knows me knows that I am not a fan of Princeton. I respect the school and I have many friends who went there, but I am not a fan. My antipathy goes back to my freshman season of rowing, when they were the only boat that beat us (we caught a buoy and stopped dead in the water, Yale was so excited that we stopped that they ran into the buoys, and Princeton sneaked by). And I went to some parties there that were awfully boring. And I still remember the days when Penn and Princeton battled for the Ivy basketball title. So I am not a fan. But Princeton has got something going on that we don’t. It came to my attention when some new faculty who had spent the previous five or six years at Princeton asked me what was going on with so many Penn undergraduates wearing suits and frowns. They were talking about OCR, but they did not know that’s what it was. And they sure were surprised when I told them. They said that at Princeton the students are far more casual about it, and do not frown quite as much. I had read that Princeton puts a lot of people into banking, but I wanted to make sure so I dug around. It turns out that in any given year between more than a third and more than half of their graduating undergrads go into finance. And in any given year roughly a third go into consult-ing. The other students go into about a zillion fields, and Princeton has very strong representa-tion in non-profits, but whatever. What I find interesting is that so many get into finance and

consulting. So I went back to my friends freshly released from Princeton and asked about recruit-ing. They all said that as far as they can tell it is lower key, that students often use recruiting to try to figure out careers they might be interested in, and that the banks kind of sell themselves as safety nets so a student can put off making a decision about careers for a couple of years. That made no sense to me, so I went back to try to learn what Princeton undergrad major in. I learned more than I wanted to about Princeton – among other things they really try to sell prospec-tive students on how close they are to Philadel-phia. Ha. I learned that their undergraduate advis-ing offices really try to push the fact that what a student majors in has very little effect on getting a job, other than of course things like taking pre-med requirements. I learned that math and economics are very popular and that astrophysics is usually among the least populated of majors but that the ten or so people who declare it each year love it. And that other than that the numbers fluctuate a lot each year, but that english and political science are usually pretty popular. When I put it all together, I came up with this. Princeton students take all sorts of classes, and don’t get ulcers over interviews, and get jobs in finance and consulting. Which makes no sense to me. So I believe that Princeton is hiding some-thing. I think that at night they all take vocational classes instead of going to boring parties (really, really boring parties). I think that they wear suits under their lacostes. I think that they are frown-ing on the inside. I think that what Princeton has that Penn doesn’t is chops at faking it. I think that it is a hoax. Because it is, after all, Princeton.

AArticle by:

Phil Nichols, Faculty Master

83

A Path to Commons

Stouffer Loses a New Friend This week in Stouffer we made a new friend: many Stoufferites affectionately called her “Philberta the bat”. Philberta took up residence in the Stouffer computer lab where she helped people with their Math104 problem sets, completed writing seminar assignments for freshmen, and even performed late night stand-up comedy for a crowd of sixteen students. The fun continued until faculty master Phil Nichols chased her out and watched her fly off into the sunset. “She is a creature of the night,” he said tearfully, “and I know one day she will find her way into a new home, probably the house dean’s apartment in Ware.” Philberta will be missed.

freshman resident Adam Mansell. “It’s filled with cigarette butts and spilled food and once I saw a dog give birth at the top of the steps.” Other factors play into how other Stoufferites get to Commons. Mayer resident Harvey Atkinson claims going around the high rises is the only way for him. “I can only get to Commons via stroller,” he explains. When asked to think about how this information would affect their lives, most Stouffer residents were hesitant to respond. “It doesn’t affect me at all because you never invite me to Commons,” complained Matt Lesser, resident and annoyance on the 4th floor. “Stop interviewing me,” said Rick Pezzullo. “This is stupid.”

Article by: Laura Doherty

(A different Laura who didn’t write “The Path to

Commons” or didn’t gather the info on favorite books) (It’s the same Laura, and

she’s the best)

4