managing_conflicts(aka difficult conversations)_v2
TRANSCRIPT
Managing Difficult Conversationsfor GGC
By Orly Amrany
Today I Will Speak About…
My background
My personal Journey
What conversations are hard for us?
Conflicts & Dilemmas
Personal notes
A Bit About Myself
SchulichSchool of Business, Toronto, CA, Marketing Major
TAURecanati MBA
Technion, BScComputer Science engineering
IDF MamramExtended Programming course
R&D CenterSW Developer
Head of Products and Product Marketing
SDK Partner Manager,QM Manager,Product Manager,Technology Platform
General Manager
Sr. SW Developer & Project Lead
VP Product
My Personal Journey
I was raised to appreciate excellency & hard skills
The year is 2007:
Things are not progressing as I wished
What am I missing here ???
Soft Skills
How to form alliances with people How to take ownership How to take responsibility: “fix more, complain less” Be positive even when things not going exactly as you wanted Create positive atmosphere around you How to make visibility to what you do & to your achievements How to manage difficult conversations & Conflicts Maturity
Which conversation are hard for us?
Disagreement with colleagues
Matrix Management, make people work for you without authority
Give your employee feedback when his/her work in not good
enough / layoff
Get feedback from your boss
Ask something from your boss (raise, more ppl, promotion..)
All Have conflicts or potential conflicts
Conflicts & Dilemmas
Basic tips to manage a conflict with a colleague : http://leanin.org/education/managing-difficult-conversations/
Listen well (even if it’s hard & you don’t agree, do not interrupt)
Inquiry/ ask questions
(what do you say? Why ? What do you want to achieve?)
Validate your understanding / summarize the counterparty
Express your view (use first person, “I don’t understand”)
Engage in negotiations
Formalize the agreement (Agree Vs Promise)
What is a ‘Good’ Conversation? When at the end of it you relate to these: I, WE , IT
I feel good about myself
The counterparty feels good
We related positively to each other
I got what I wanted
The counter party got what he wanted
Basic tips to hand conflicts of responsibility & control:
It is a process: You need to plant the ideas first, hoping they will grow over
time
Make a “lobby”, talk to people before
Come prepared (plans, research)
Show to key people, the benefits for the company
Suggest few things (hopefully some will be accepted)
Come with confidence
Try to make it sound less about ‘me’
Do not talk about others / compare to others
Dilemma #1
How to say ‘I want’:
What % of this challenge is because of my character and what %
is due to the fact I am a woman in a male environment?
Is a woman saying “I want” sounds different than a man saying
the same (“Assertive vs. aggressive?”)
Dilemma #2 Managing emotions:
Does male environment “speak” different language?
(“to the point”, “roughness”, “hide difficulties and needs”, “take place naturally w/o
effort)
Is asking to be included sounds (to the other side)
like “over-controlling”, “territorial”, “pushy”, “freak control”, “aggressive” ?
Is a male managerial environment make the challenge harder for women?
Should we control/repress our emotional communications or adopt to the male
environment?
Should we let our “feminine” emotional language be present and work on our personal
vulnerability?
What Do You Think?
Managing Emotions:The hardest part? (especially for woman? )
Personal Notes
Find your key strength (examples: work hard, attention to details,
organized work)
The bad news: It is all fair in war..(no such thing as “not fair”)
The good news: Most people are good, and usually it is not personal
against you
Try to avoid sarcasm , accusations
Personally, sometime I use my advantage: emotions are also creating
empathy, they are authentic.
It is a day-2-day struggle / way of life Authentic but not accusing Pusher but not overbearing “Want” but not “crying” Fit-in the codes without letting go of your way
Progress at work without letting go of your values and ambitions and strength
Marissa Mayer
Short Video - MadMenhttps://youtu.be/b28GqQfm49U
“You never say thank you!” “that’s what the money is for!”
“you do your job so well, and they appreciate you, you don’t have to play any game…”
“you presented like a man, now act like one..” “I want 5 $ a week more”
“see that’s why I don’t like working with women, you have no sense of humor…“
“You're fired!”
“I just saved this company, but it’s not as important as getting married!”
“I don’t know if all women are Jackie or Marilyn, maybe men see them that way..”
Questions?
Thank You!
Orly Amrany