managing the challenging - council for disabled children · 2017. 6. 9. · managing the...

Managing the Challenging With

Dr Rob Long (www.roblong.co.uk)

ANALYSE DON’TPERSONALISE

THE BEHAVIOUR YOUPAY ATTENTION TO IS

THE BEHAVIOUR THAT ISLIKELY TO INCREASE

BE SOLUTION FOCUSED

Names not labels

REMEMBER BEHAVIOURAL MISTAKES ARE

LEARNING OPPORTUNITIES

ASK GOOD QUESTIONS

Consistent to our

principles, flexible in

our practices

ASK “WHAT HAVE YOU

DONE,” NOT “WHY?”RELAPSE

IS NORMAL

ATTITUDE IS

EVERYTHING

It doesn’t have to be

perfect to be good

The future is not over yet!

Respond don’t react

Calm when they

get it wrong

Happy when they

get it right

Ask “What next?”

not“Why?”

You can’t change, what you can’t control.

FIGHT FIRE WITHWATER

THE PROBLEM IS THE PROBLEM

NOT THE CHILD

PRAISE THE PROCESS NOT THE PRODUCT

CONNECTION NOT CORRECTION

SKILLSNOT PILLS

Managing the Challenging1

3

2Changing perspectives

Project4

Facing the Challenge

Children & Young People/ Family

Professional &

Personal Issues People Skills Resilience

Managing the Challenging1 Changing

perspectives

I. A. & S.The opportunity to stand back and

reflect on how we are doing is essential.

Otherwise the we can become reactive and lack direction

“The right attitude and one arm will beat the wrong attitude and two arms

every time”

“The trick is to restrict the time we spend in the negative energy zones to necessity

and aim to get ourselves in the positive energy zones as much as possible.

Morris (2009)









ATTITUDE IS EVERYTHING

CHANGE YOUR ATTITUDE AND YOU CHANGE YOUR LIFE!

Managing the Challenging1

2Changing perspectives

Facing the Challenge

Children & Young People/ Family

Managing the Challenging

Children & Young People

“Every time you label me, you diminish me”

PRINCIPLESANDGUIDELINES

PRINCIPLES/GUIDELINES

The behaviour you pay attention to is likely to be the behaviour you are maintaining.

Children without boundaries go in search of them.

Children often have inappropriate problem solving techniques.


We are consistent to to our principles, but flexible in our practices.

Behaviour is rarely random.

Behaviour is usually functional, predictable and changeable.


The motive behind the behaviour is usually more interesting than the behaviour itself.

Behaviour is often motivated to either obtain or avoid something.

In school our aim is to increase their behavioural repetoire, not reduce it.


What skills does this CYP need to have to not have the problem behaviour?

What problem does CYP think they have for this behaviour to make sense?

Our energy needs to be how to increase behaviour, not how to decrease the inappropriate.


When we react to problem behaviour the CYP is controlling us, we need to respond not react.

Our aim is to be proactive not reactive.

The effective way is to prevent problem behaviours

Children are often trying to solve a problem, not be one.

Children & Young People with ASC.

Problematic behaviour is often a sign of stress.

Change conditions before changing the CYP.

Acknowledge distress before the behaviour.

You can only achieve,what you aim for.


Families

“In the depths of winter, I found there was within me, an invincible summer . . . .

No matter how hard the world pushes against me, within me there’s something stronger -

something better, pushing right back.”

Albert Camus

Some families are shattered and

broken by crisis events, others are strengthened and

become more resourceful

This is our childThis is your pupil

This is our lifeThis is your work

This is the creation of our loveThis is a problem for you to solve

This is our only childThis is one of your many pupils

OUR CHILD IN YOUR SCHOOL Child & Young Person with ABI

Personality & behavioural changesFamilies may be confronted many changes in this area, including:• egocentric behaviour• poor social skills• challenging behaviours• emotional outbursts• an apparent lack of gratitude• depression and/or anxiety• impulsivity and financial irresponsibility• increased or decreased libido• alcohol and drug abuse• poor frustration and stress tolerance.

Acquired Brian Injury

Acquired Brian Injury

Common reactions for parents/carers

Resentment

Guilt

Fear

GriefStress

Anger

ABI

The Stages

Stage One – ‘Please God let her live’

Stage Two – ‘She’s going to be fine’

Stage Three – ’S/he’s still making progress but it’s slow’

Stage Four – ‘He’s never going to be his old self’

Stage Five – ‘Our lives are now very different’

ABI

We feel like we had to become different people, in many ways.

We’re not the sort of people who’d want to push to the front of the

queue, but we just had to be very demanding to get what we could

for our child." Parent's experience

HELPFUL V UNHELPFUL QUESTIONS

THE STRESS OF :“WHY”?

All of us struggle with this question.

Our challenge is to accept randomness. Why did this happen? Because it did.

May be ‘why’ is not always a useful question, may be a better question is

What next?

“What Next”Means:

•YOU look forward, not backward

•YOU focus on specifics

•YOU will be more hopeful

•YOU can change things

The Serenity Prayer

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can;

and wisdom to know the difference.

Living one day at a time; Enjoying one moment at a time;

Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;


People Skillsexpert not competent


Personal Awareness

THOUGHTS

FEELINGS

BEHAVIOURS

Think about what we do

What are the feelings we experience

Putting what we learn into practice

Bio/physical responses

OPEN Known to self

& others

BLIND Known to

others

HIDDEN Known to self

only

UNKNOWN to self and others

F E E D B A C K

INSIGHTSELF-DISCLOSURE

The JoHari Window

Joseph Luft Harrington Ingham (

The JoHari Window

Joseph Luft Harrington Ingham (

Step one: Start in the open area. Make some notes about yourself. What are your strengths and your weaknesses? What are you comfortable with and willing to share with others? Try and be honest and clear about what you know about yourself already. Step two: Involve other people and ask for feedback about yourself. Be prepared to to seriously consider it. That doesn’t mean that you have to do everything that’s suggested, but you should at least listen and think about it. Give the person who provided the feedback some acknowledgement or thanks for making the effort. When receiving feedback, be respectful, listen and reflect on what has been said. It may be on receiving feedback you may want to explore it further hat can lead to discovery about yourself.

TRANSACTIONAL ANALYSIS

A CPfun

selfishnurturing

critical mature

TRANSACTIONAL ANALYSIS

A

A

C

CP

Pfun

fun

selfish

selfishnurturing

criticalcritical

nurturing mature

matureChallenging Behaviour

Behaviour is a functionbetween the context and the individual

Context Individual

What does the context bring

What does the Adult bring?

A Activating Event

BEING BULLYIED

C Consequences

A Activating Event

BEING BULLIED

C Consequences

B Beliefs

I’m a failure

I look useless

It shouldn’t be like this

MANAGING CONFLICT

TWO STAGES

1 Negotiation proactive

2 Managing aggression /violence reactive

1 Negotiation principles

1. Separate the people from the problem

2. Focus on interests not positions

3. Generate possible actions

4. Agree criteria for judging results

2 Managing aggression /violence principles

1. Empathy not sympathy

2. Fire drill - knowing how to obtain support

3. Predictability - history of aggression/violence

4. Defusing strategies


People Skillsexpert not competent

THOUGHTS

FEELINGS

BEHAVIOURS

Bio/physical responses

EMOTIONS V FEELINGS

EMPATHY v SYMPATHY1. “I KNOW HOW YOU FEEL “

V2. “I CAN SEE THAT THIS IS UPSETTING”

Which would you prefer?

EMOTIONS V FEELINGS

EMPATHY v SYMPATHYSympathy you feel as they feel

You can be overwhelmed - but can you?

Empathy you recognise how they are feeling.You can help them.

Anger

Anger

Depression

Fear

Anxiety

Panic

Shame

The Anger Mountain

1

2

3

4

5

Stages of Anger

Stages of AngerStage 1 Trigger PhaseAn event or memory starts the cycle. The person feels threatened at some level, and prepares to meet a real or imagined threat.

Stage 2 Escalation PhaseBody prepares for an explosion or implosion of anger. Adrenalin pumped into blood stream, fight or fight response. Physiological responses - rapid breathing, increased muscle tension, raised blood pressure, increase in voice tone, faster heart rate.

Stages of AngerStage 3 Crisis PhaseBody ready for a fight or flight response. Ability to make sound judgements, diminished. Feelings of rage, hostility, explosiveness, out of control.

Stage 4 Recovery PhaseBody begins to get over the shock of stress and the expenditure of energy. But adrenalin takes time to leave the blood system.

Feelings of disbelief, relief, fear, confusion and tiredness.

Stages of AngerStage 5 Depression PhaseHeart rate returns to below normal. Brain and body becomes balanced again. Brain becomes aware of surroundings and ability to think returns.Feelings of depression, guilt, regret, sadness and a low sense of self-esteem may occur.

Anger & De-escalation

De-escalation techniques go against our natural fight-or-flight reflexes.

Remaining calm and professionally detached is not natural and therefore it is a skill that will need to be practised

When to de-escalate

De-escalation techniques are most successful when used early, before the person becomes physically aggressive.

To do this, it is necessary to be aware of and spot early signs of agitation such as balled fists, fidgeting, shaking, head thrust

forward or clenched jaw. Changes in voice, such as speech becoming more rapid or

high-pitched, may also indicate aggression. These signs should not be ignored and you should never turn your back on

an angry person in the hope that they just calm down.

Pacing Pacing is a cycle of feeding off someone’s emotions

and escalating. If the person can make you as angry as them, it gives them permission to become even

angrier and the person can justify their own hostility.

You may not always know what you are going to do, but keep in your head what you are not going to do. When

the person has least control, it is time for the professional to have the most control over themselves.

Non-verbal techniques Calm can be just as contagious as fear and must be

communicated to the person. Approximately 55% of what we communicate is through physiology, 38% is through the tone of

our voice and just 7% is through the words that we use.

It is useful to remember these proportions when you are trying to de-escalate. Ensure you are modelling the behaviour you

want the person to emulate.

• Appear calm and self-assured. Make sure you are not displaying the same signs of agitation that can be seen in the person: unclench your fists, do not hold eye contact and avoid standing square to the person.

• Maintain a neutral facial expression. Even our eyebrows can indicate we are surprised or angry, and similarly our mouths can betray our emotions unwittingly. Another natural reaction we often have when under stress is to smirk or giggle, which must be controlled.

• Allow space. Entering a person’s personal space can be useful to refocus on a task when the situation is calm, but when a person is agitated this can indicate aggression and escalate the situation. Staying some distance away will also help keep you safe should the person become physically aggressive.

• Control your breathing. When we are stressed, angry or tense, our breathing becomes more shallow and rapid. If we take deeper, slower breaths, this will not only help keep us calm, but the person will begin to match our own breathing pattern. It can sometimes help to match the person’s breathing initially then gradually slow it down.

Verbal strategies • Lower your voice and keep your tone even. It is hard

to have an argument with someone who is not responding aggressively back to you.

• Distraction and diversion are extremely useful. When a person is aggressive, they are responding with their own fight-or-flight instincts and not thinking about their actions. Distract them and engage their thinking brain, perhaps by changing the subject or commenting on something that is happening outside the window.

Verbal strategies (Cont.)

• Give choices, repeat these using the broken-record technique if necessary, and do not get drawn into secondary behaviours such as arguing back, which are designed to distract or upset you.

Verbal strategies

• Acknowledging the person’s feelings shows that you have listened to them, and can be crucial when diffusing a situation; for example, ‘It must be really difficult for you ... thank you for letting me know’.

• Use words and phrases that de-escalate, such as - I wonder if ... - Let’s try ... - It seems like ... - Maybe we can ...

• Tell the person what you want them to do rather than what you do not want them to do; for example, ‘I want you to sit down’ rather than ‘stop arguing with me’.

• Give the person take-up time following any direction and avoid backing them into a corner, either verbally or physically.

Things to avoid DON’T • make threats you cannot carry through.

• act defensive or take it personally. What is being said may seem insulting and directed at you, but this level of aggression is not really about you.

• use humour unless you are sure it will help and you have a very good relationship with the YP.

• use sarcasm

After any outburst or incident, always make time to debrief, repair and rebuild, or the relationship will flounder and continue to deteriorate Sometimes, no matter how carefully and skilfully you try to de-escalate a situation, it may still reach crisis point. Know your systems for summoning help and moving bystanders to safety. After any outburst or incident, always make time to debrief, repair and rebuild, or the relationship will flounder and continue to deteriorate. Problem-solve the situation

Author details Elizabeth Smith is the assistant manager of Hillingdon Behaviour Support Team providing training, advice and support to school based staff, and delivering individual and group interventions to children and young people aged 3 to 19.

WARNING SIGNSagitated and fidgetyfacial colour deepens then goes palebreathes fasterperspirehave dilated pupilsspeaks louder and fastermoves more quicklytense muscles, contorted facehunched shoulderseasily distractible, not focused

CONFRONTATION INHIBITORSNON-VERBAL BEHAVIOURScheck that your behaviour is saying what you want it to

LISTENING SKILLSactively listen, show real concern

BE SOLUTION FOCUSEDMake it clear you are looking for a solution

TOKEN CONCESSIONThe ‘technical 1% technical errpr’

FRIENDLY GESTUREI’d like to lend you a book that might help.

CONFRONTATION INHIBITORSASK FOR THEIR HELPI’ve never

LISTENING SKILLSactively listen, show real concern

BE SOLUTION FOCUSEDMake it clear you are looking for a solution

TOKEN CONCESSIONThe ‘technical 1% technical errpr’

FRIENDLY GESTUREI’d like to lend you a book that might help.


Resilience

What is resilience:“Resilience is forged through suffering and struggle and is relationally based through

our interdependence with others.” RESILIENCE

High Frustration Tolerance

Self-Acceptance

Humour

Perspective

EmotionalControl

Support from others

Curiosity

Problem Solving Skills

Interests

Reference: Developing Resilience - M. Neenan (2009)

RESILIENCE

set new goals

Past successes

accept change

EmotionalControl Connect with

the right people

Problem solving

Listen to your needs

Activities/interests

“the part of a system with the greatest flexibility

will exert the most influence

on the outcome.”Ashby’s Law

managing the challenging - council for disabled children · 2017. 6. 9. · managing the...

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