Running head: A MEMOIR

A Memoir

Yun-Hui Tsai

University of New Mexico

Author Note

Yun-Hui Tsai, Language, Literacy & Sociocultural Studies, University of New Mexico

Correspondence concerning this article should be addressed to Yun-Hui Tsai,

Language, Literacy & Sociocultural Studies,

University of New Mexico, Albuquerque, NM 87131.

Contact: yunhuitsai@unm.edu

Abstract

In the world of globalization, being able to understand other culture comprehensively

and correctly is a must. Compare with mass media such as television shows or video

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games, which often focuses on the stereotypes, 5Fs (food, fashion, folklore, famous

people, and festivals), or even wars, literature, such as global and international

literature, provide us a good source to deepen our knowledge toward people different

from us. However, the current publishing market has a lack of literature of other

culture to better present the increasing immigrant population. Moreover, the

authenticity of a book is the social responsibility of all authors and illustrators,

regardless they are insiders or outsiders. I chose to write a memoir about my

childhood that was closely connected to Taiwanese religion, in hopes that it could let

more English readers know my country.

Keywords: globalization, culture, global literature, authenticity, memoir

Introduction

With the development of transportation and technology, communication and

connection between people around the world have increased rapidly. As Short (2011)

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stated, “our lives are going global” (p. 130). To be successful in this modern society

of globalization, knowledge and skills of the world were necessary (Short, 2011).

Culture

When speaking the issue of global knowledge, we should pay attention to the

important concept of culture. Ting-Toomey (1999) defined culture as “a diverse pool

of knowledge, shared realities, and clustered norms that constitute the learned systems

of meanings in a particular society” (as cited in Ford and Moore, 2004). Fennes and

Hapgood (1997), Hofstede (1991), and Allan (2003) used the term “interculturalism”

to refer to “understandings and relationships of diverse cultural groups that cross

outside the boundaries of countries” (as cited in Short, 2011). However, Short (2011)

argued that people usually learned other culture through television or video games,

which often consisted of stereotypes or superficial issues such as the 5Fs: food,

fashion, folklore, famous people, and festivals. Fennes and Hapgood (1997) adapted

the “iceberg concept” to illustrate that these aspects were just like the surface of

iceberg. We needed to explore the deep structure of the iceberg, which contained the

core value and beliefs, to better grasp the full picture of one culture (as cited in Short,

2011).

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Global Literature

Literature, as an important form of expression of a culture, could be a good

source. Short (2011) claimed the following:

Literature offers unique possibilities, in particular the opportunity for students to

go beyond a tourist perspective of surface-level information about another

culture. Literature invites readers to immerse themselves into story worlds to

gain insights about how people live, feel, and think around the world—to

develop emotional connections and empathy as well as knowledge. These

connections go beyond the surface knowledge of food, dance, clothing, folklore,

and facts about a country to the values and beliefs that lie at the core of each

culture. (p. 130)

Among all genres of literature, Short (2013) emphasized the “global literature”,

which referred to the books that set in international contexts and were written and

published in the United States, along with multicultural and international literature,

were valuable in variable dimensions such as addressing contemporary issues and

developing shared experiences. Lehman, Freeman and Scharer (2010) also agreed that

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these genres of literature were not only important sources of global knowledge, but

also very helpful for children’s cognitive, emotional, moral and social development.

However, there was still a marked shortage of books about other cultures

compared to the percentage of the population that these books represent (Short, 2013).

Lehman et al. (2010) further pointed out that there were less than 5% of literature that

was about global culture, and most of it was either picture books, folklore or travel

books. To improve our understanding across countries and cultures, we needed to

create, advocate and encourage more global literature.

Authenticity

To learn one culture in a more comprehensive and accurate way, just “any”

work won’t do. The content of it must be authentic. Bishop (2003) defined

authenticity as “the success with which a writer is able to reflect the cultural

perspectives of the people whom he or she is writing about, and make readers from

the inside group believe that he or she ‘knows what’s going on’” (as cited in Short &

Fox, 2003). Mo and Shen (2003) also accentuated that “cultural authenticity is not just

accuracy or the avoidance of stereotypes, but involves cultural values, facts, and

attitudes that members of the culture as a whole consider worthy of acceptance and

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belief” (as cited in Short & Fox, 2003). Although these ideas seemed to be subjective

for insiders and hard to recognize for outsiders, authors and illustrators still had the

social responsibility to create an authentic work (Short & Fox, 2003). Authenticity

was very important because insiders had the right to see themselves in a book with

true experiences instead of misrepresentations, and because outsiders could learn

about others from that book (Short & Fox, 2003).

As a Taiwanese, my aim in this paper was to write about my own story, to

address the deep structure of Taiwanese culture and belief that are lacking in the

current global literature, and most importantly, to strive for providing authentic

information. Being an insider as well, Woodson made a clear claim to this situation,

“we don’t want publishers to say, ‘Well, we already published a book about that,’ and

then find that it was a book that did not speak the truth about us but rather told

someone-on-the-outside’s idea of who we are” (Woodson, 2003, p. 45).

Non-Fiction

I chose to write a memoir to achieve my goal in this paper. Nonfiction, the

genre that the memoir belonged to, provides “definitions, terminology, and facts to

make the issues real; not just an interesting story, but something actually happening in

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the world” (Thomas & Short, 2009). Colman (2007) also pointed out that nonfiction

allowed its readers to “gain the knowledge and skills that enable them to reach sound

decisions in all arenas of life, avoid gullibility born of ignorance, and participate in an

informed and active citizenry” (p. 257).

The theme in my life story was the Taiwanese religion, Taoism. Short (2013)

explained that, “as the mainstream religious culture in the United States, Christianity

dominates children’s books. Books that portray other religious cultures, including

Buddhist, Hindu, Jewish, and Muslim cultures, are difficult to find” (p. 15). I think the

formation of memoir was appropriate for my story not only because I could write

what I do know, but also because it could “connect emotion and reason, the heart and

mind’ (Thomas & Short, 2009) with its literary plots and authentic information.

I really hoped that my country and my culture could be more visible through my

true story.

Memoir

Strangers came to my house at night.

We lived in a five-story apartment building. Each floor had two condos, with

their doors facing each other in just few steps away. It was not common in a mansion

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of five for us to have an elevator, but we were lucky to own one, especially when we

lived on the highest floor of it.

Because we owned the top-level suite, it was natural that we also owned the

rooftop of this building. Like all other top-floor owners usually did, my father built

another unit on the rooftop. Even though it was illegal to build an addition, it seemed

to be a custom to create more space up high, as a cheap rental, a small business, or a

home to sleep. If you looked down from the window of a skyscraper, it would be hard

to miss all those gable or flat roofs. Some additions were made of iron, some were

made of brick. Most of them had little insulation, extremes of temperature, fragile

structures, and mold covered on their walls. They were cheap but dangerous

constructions.

But not ours.

My father chose this building not just because of the elevator. When he heard

the builder was going to use steel that could hold seven floors on this five-story

mansion, he knew that this was the one for us. He decided to make the addition in

reinforced concrete. He utilized the best materials, adopted the hardest techniques,

and made it just like a part of the whole building. The perfect sixth floor.

This is where the strangers came.

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We didn’t sleep in this house. Neither did we rent it to a student or sell goods up

there. We made it someone else’s home: our Gods. In the religion of polytheistic

Taoism, deities originated from heaven and from hell, from ocean and from land,

from folklore and from actual personage. In this space, dozens of statues of different

Gods in various sizes were placed on a three-layer Chinese altar in order, from four

feet tall to eight inches short, the smaller in the front.

The biggest three in the back row against the wall were the main Goddess and

two auxiliary Gods of this house. In the middle was 媽祖, Mā Zǔ, the most common

Goddess of Taoism in Taiwan. She was originally the patron of fishermen and sailors,

but as time went by, she became the Holy Mother of Heaven to all the people in this

island state. Originated from the real person Lin Mo-Niang, she might be at a lower

level of the hierarchy than other Gods, but she was definitely the representative of the

Taoist deities. Our statue of Mā Zǔ was crafted in a sitting posture with a chair,

painted in golden color, covered in a dragon robe, and put on a phoenix coronet. Her

face was kindly, and when she was happy, you could even feel her smile.

On the right side was 關聖帝君, Guān Shèng Dì Jun, or Saintly Emperor Guan.

As a real life general back to Han Dynasty, there were three possible postures of this

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statue: riding a horse, standing, or sitting. Statues with a horse were very rare, because

it implied war. But it also implied being aggressive, therefore when he rode a horse he

became the patron of salesmen. Standing statues were often with the left hand holding

his beard and the right hand holding the green dragon crescent blade. This dignified

image implied justice and made the standing Saintly Emperor Guan the protector of

policemen. Interestingly, because he was also the symbol of bravery and loyalty, he

became the patron of gangsters as well. Our statue was sitting, with his right hand

holding his beard and the left hand on his knee. This posture was more general and

peaceful, but with his red face and serious expression we could still feel the

righteousness.

On the left side was 玄天上帝, Xuán Tiān Shàng Dì, or Supreme Emperor of

the Northern Heaven. He was the God of Polaris that originated from the ancient

Chinese mythology, hence had a higher level than other two main Gods in the Taoist

deity system. Our statue sat on a rock hilltop and symbolized the integral with Earth.

He held the Big Dipper sword on the right, meaning to cut off the three sins of desire,

anger and ignorance; on the left hand he adopted the Bebal Mudra, guiding people the

way to heaven; under his feet he step on a serpent and a tortoise, this not only

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symbolized that good triumphs over evil, but also meant that all these thought would

eventually under his control and became his support. He led us the way and protected

us throughout the road.

In front of them were some smaller statues. They might be the main Gods or the

auxiliary Gods at other places, but here in this house they were the guardians.

Different Gods were in charge of different duties. Mother Goddess was the deity of

childbirth, who held a pen in her right hand and the book of fertility in the left. Prince

Né Zhà, the youth protection deity of Taoism, rode on the Wind Fire Wheels, had the

Red Armillary Sash around his shoulders, and held the Fire-tipped Spear in his right

hand. Bodhisattva Guān Yīn, the Goddess of Mercy, and Gautama Buddha, the

founder of Buddhism, were the good examples that incarnated the blend of Buddhism

and Taoism exclusively in Taiwan. Lord Superior Wen Chang, God of literature and

test. Land Granny, the local guardian who had the lowest status but was closest to the

people…and so many more! There was even a Tiger General that was made just like a

real tiger in a smaller size and was put under the altar to be the helper of Land Granny

and to do the inspection.

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Seeing all these Gods in front of me, it was hard not to be stunned by this

colorful unity: golden bodies, red coronets, silver weapons, green robes. It was like at

a festival, where I could feel the passion and the solemnity, the joy and the peace, all

at the same time.

But the Gods didn’t just sit in this house. We wanted to make them be more

comfortable, feel more, like home.

When I walked in, right in front of me was a huge bronze censer, a bowl shaped

vessel made of copper, with ashes inside it to stick in the burning incense, and three

legs to hold it up. This was the censer only for 玉皇大帝, yù huáng dà dì, or Jade

Emperor, who was the only God in this house that didn’t have a statue but was “up in

heaven”. The incense we used for Jade Emperor and all other Gods were the nineteen-

inch-long joss sticks, with the bottom quarter painted in red and the rest covered with

the powder of sandalwood, aloeswood or Chinese herbs for different aromas. My

father always said the smoke of the burning incense was God’s food. Having more

smoke meant that Gods were served well. “We were proud to have this dark smoked

ceiling” he once pointed up and said.

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Between the censer and Gods there was another altar. On the middle of it was

another smaller censer for all other Gods (except Tiger General who had his own tiny

censer in front of him underneath the altar), and three small bronze cups of the holy

water. We made it by circling the water three times around the burning incense and

drank it when we felt sick or needed more strength. On the two end of the altar there

were a pair of vases for flowers on big days; a pair of lotus table lamps that were

always light up; and a pair of candlesticks for holding the red candle.

Far back to sixth century B.C., one famous Chinese philosopher, 老子 Lǎo Zǐ,

had advocated that human being should all seek the ultimate harmony and balance.

Our behavior should not damage the law of the nature and the simplicity and

cleanliness of our mind. To follow the natural flow of consonance, and to act the

inactivity, were the goal of spiritual practice.

In this house, water represented cleanliness; incense represented the inactivity;

flower represented nature; and candle represented consonance. These four items were

the most important tributes for worshiping the Gods, and these four concepts were the

most important doctrines for believing and pursuing the Taoism, not only

philosophical, but more importantly, religious.

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Yes, this illegally built sixth floor was not just a simple house. It was a temple.

My family owned a temple. Our Mā Zǔ named it 恩義宮 En Yì Gōng, the temple of

grace and righteousness.

At days, 信眾 xìn zhòng, believers came to worship. Unlike going to other

temples which had their own buildings, they had to push the elevator button, take it to

the fifth floor, pass by our condominium door, and walk the stairs to the rooftop.

Entering the temple, there was a little stand on the right hand side near the gate, with a

shelf with bundles of paper money, a vessel with bunches of incense, and a 功德箱 gōng dé xiāng, a merit box for the believers to put any amount they like for the paper

money and the incense they bought. They then put the paper money on the front altar

along with the offerings they brought, usually some fruits or snacks. They lit up nine

sticks of the incense, used two hands to hold the red part of them in front of their

body, and started the worship.

First they faced outside, bowed, and stuck three sticks of incense to greet Jade

Emperor.

Then they turned around, stood or knelt in front of the altar, and prayed.

“Dear Mā Zǔ, Guān Shèng Dì Jun, Xuán Tiān Shàng Dì, and all other Gods,”

they began to talk in silence, “my name is XXX, and I live at OOO place. Today I

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bring some fruits and snacks to worship you and serve you, ” they continued. And

they started detailing their problems, concerns, worries or even complaints: being

sick, suffering from poverty, parenting a difficult child, dealing with a bad boss,

having problems finding a life companion, taking an exam and praying for good

luck…they sometimes talked to the Gods about all these issues like they chatted with

their close friends to disguise their fear, other times they begged to Gods for solutions,

help and mercy. If they asked for specific favors, they made an offer by telling Gods

that they would buy them new coronets, cast them golden medals or make donations.

But still, there were also many believers who came worshipping as a matter of routine

and simply prayed for safety, calm and peace.

After the praying practice, they stuck another three stick of the incense into the

censer on the altar, put their palms together, and bowed. Last they crouched down to

reach the Tiger General, greeted him and stuck the last three sticks of incense into his

own small censer.

It took about an hour to burn up a joss stick. In ancient China people used this to

measure time. They had to wait about “half joss stick” for Gods to enjoy their

offerings. They chatted with each other or wandered around the temple until the

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incense was short enough to do the last rite: burning the paper money. They took up

the paper money using two hands, bowed to the Gods, and took them outside the

house to burn it in the 金桶 jīn tong, the golden barrel. The barrel was made of

stainless steel and usually painted in red. The reason it was called “golden” was

because the paper money, also called the golden money, was made from bamboo pulp

with gold leaves pasted on it. The gold was the actual money Gods received from

burning the paper. Basic money for Gods was a set of five kinds of paper, like

different banknotes of the United States dollar. A stack of money contained about one

hundred pieces of paper. You could buy as many stacks as you want for each kind of

money, but believers usually avoided the number 四 sì, four, because in Chinese it

had a homophone which meant death. After burning the paper money, believers could

finally take the fruits and snacks which were blessed by the Gods, bowed the last time

and go home.

I couldn’t be more familiar with all these rituals. I watched people do it

everyday, and I do it myself many, many times.

But things were different at night. When believers worshiped, they wanted Gods

to help them or bless them. Sometimes, however, they were eager to know the

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directions. They were more worried, like patients, or greedier, like gamblers. But they

were all lost. They need the immediate answer from God, and they need God to “tell”

them.

So here came my grandfather, 廟公 miào gong, the temple host; my

grandmother, 乩身 jī shēn, the psychics; my father, 筆身 bǐ shēn, the explainer, and

my mother, the recorder.

They called this 問事 wèn shì, inquiring.

Every Saturday night around eight pm, strangers started gathering in our temple.

My mother took their registration by writing down their names and questions. My

grandmother lit up the incense and worshipped the Gods. My father put some

sandalwood powder in a tiny censer, ignited it, held the censer in his hands and started

sweeping it around my grandmother’s body in front of the altar. This was called 淨身 jìng shēn, using the smoke of sandalwood to clean and purify the psychic. Then my

grandmother rested her head on the altar, with her hands grabbed the feet of 手轎 shǒu jiào, a tiny chair that was made of wood or stainless steel about the size of a

child chair. It was one of the tools for the communication between Gods and us. Then

she became absolutely motionless, waiting.

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None of us knew how long we had to wait. My grandfather made some tea,

prepared some melon seeds and took out some stools. People would sit down and chat

with each other, waiting.

It was maybe ten minutes, maybe half hour or sometimes even an hour. But all

of a sudden, my grandmother started shaking and retching. The signal of the

beginning of the inquiring. My father, who sat close to my grandmother the whole

time, jumped up immediately and got closer to her in case she fell. My grandfather

and my mother then led the guests went towards the altar.

The shaking and retching lasted for just three to five minutes. It was because the

God was forcing my grandmother’s soul to leave her body. If the psychic didn’t have

enough attainments from his or her Taoist practice, he or she would even had serious

stomachache, like somebody was pulling their intestine. Suddenly once again, my

grandmother stopped acting like she was sick, but started acting like she was

“somebody else”. The God was coming.

My grandmother became the God.

People surrounded the altar and my grandmother. “May I ask who is this

coming to help us?” my father usually started the inquiring with a respectful manner.

But my grandmother was just like an award-winning actress, who played every

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character so well that we didn’t even have to ask her to recognize them. If it was Guān

Shèng Dì Jun, my grandmother would walk in the Big Dipper Step and wave her hand

under her chin like soothing the beards. If it was Guān Yīn, she would walk in the

Lotus Step, adopted the Lotus Mudra and talked like an ancient lady. If it was Né Zhà,

she would jump up and down, giggle in a high tone, and even ask for lollipops!

There were indeed some fake psychics outside. They dressed up and acted like

Gods, cheated believers and asked for at least several thousand Taiwan dollars for the

inquiring.

We never asked them for a fee, though. “A true inquiring doesn’t aim for

making money. It’s a special way to help people.” My father reminded us again and

again. If believers really felt they need to thank our Gods, they put donation into the

merit box, which we collected the money once a while to purchase worshipping stuffs

or maintain the building. But it was never enough. We always had to pay it out of our

own pocket. “If we helped people, our Gods will help us in other ways”. My family

had the faith.

I was not sure if we earned more money elsewhere. But we did help many

believers.

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After my grandmother told people who she or he was, the inquiring officially

began. My father added more powder into the tiny censer. The sandalwood must be

burned and smoke all time to keep the temple absolutely clean. Seeing the smoke

curling from the censer, wreathing the whole space with its rich, deep, powerful and

meditative aroma that permeated our temple and occupied our mind, the atmosphere

became more mysterious.

As every believers asked their questions one by one, our God turned into a

physician who cured illness that doctors had no remedy for; a counselor who provided

life advices for the most complicated situation; or a judge who assured we made the

right decision for ourselves.

One day, our Mā Zǔ came down for the inquiring.

“Dear Mā Zǔ, my left arm hurt so much but the doctor said everything is

normal.” A woman came with her concern.

“You are taking birth control pills right?” Mā Zǔ replied her with marked poise.

Hearing this unexpected query, the woman was too shocked to utter any word but

“yes…?”

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“Prince Né Zhà wants to be your son, but you don't let him. He is angry and

bites you in the arm. Take a closer look at your arm, you will see the bite mark.” Mā

Zǔ disclosed the reason without hesitation.

All the people urgently circled the woman, checked her arm carefully, and

surprisingly discovered three light, little teeth marks on where her pain was. The

woman was stunned.

“But we already have two daughters. That’s why we use contraception for four

years. If this third child would really be a boy, then we will seriously consider it.” The

woman’s accompanying husband confided.

“It will. Just stop the pill and you will conceive a child on the beginning of

spring. As for your pain, I am prescribing three incantations for you,” Mā Zǔ held the

feet of the tiny chair, dipped one of its armrests into the vermilion pigment, and wrote

down some magic spells on three strips of yellow paper. “Burn the first incantation

into a glass of water and drink it; the second one into a washbowl of water and wipe

your arm; and the last one with golden money when you worship.” Mā Zǔ demanded.

The couple came back home, followed the order and the pain dissolved right

away. The woman stopped the pill, but they were too busy to count the date. Few

months had passed and they forgot the inquiring thing.

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One day when they were on the street, they amazingly saw that the obstetrician

who delivered their two daughters when they lived far away years ago, moved to this

town and opened his own clinic. This coincidence reminded them of what Mā Zǔ had

said. Several days later, when the woman encountered her long-lost morning sickness,

they came to the physician and found out that she was really pregnant.

This was not the only magic. The doctor later told them that their conception

day was very likely to be February fifth of the Lunar calendar, which was one of the

24 solar terms: the beginning of spring. The baby was finally born three days after

Prince Né Zhà’s birthday when I was seven years old and my sister was four.

These blessed husband and wife were my father and mother. The little boy was

my dearest brother. This miracle was the most precious treasure to our whole family.

The inquiring continued every Saturday night. So did miracles. Our efficacious

inquiring earned us very good reputation that we usually had around ten believers

came to ask for our Gods’ help every time. My parents and my grandparents hence

had to serve in the temple until one or two A.M.. Sometimes I was allowed to watch,

but most of the times I couldn’t join the rites because it was too late. They had no

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choice but to leave me and my two siblings in our condo. Even I knew my parents

were just upstairs, when my little sister and baby brother were asleep, I felt all along.

Several nights I couldn’t sleep, because the sound from the tiny chair right

above my head was too loud. They used the chair not only to draw incantations, but

also to write down indications on the altar with spreading sandalwood powder, if the

language that Gods spoke was too difficult to understand. The drawing and writing

when using the chair, however, was more like knocking and smacking. In particular,

if the psychics had sexual intercourse the night before the inquiring, they would be

considered not clean. The chair, then, instead of the psychics, would be possessed by

the God. In this case, my grandmother and my father would each hold two feet of it

loosely, and let it move by its own will. It would answer the question by writing on

the altar the whole time.

And this knocking sound kept reminding me “Gods were there”.

When I heard it, the image up there came into my mind at once: the chair

shaking like crazy, my grandmother talking fiercely, or strangers sobbing. Part of me

was relieved because I didn’t need to be there and witness all these scenes. But maybe

it was also because that, deep in my heart, I was afraid that I would lose my

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consciousness under the dense smoke and the heavy smell of the burning sandalwood

powder, like my grandmother lost hers. Yet another part of me was anxious. If I didn’t

stay with my family, would I be left down here when they were in “another world”?

When these thoughts came to my mind, I took out the Walkman my mom

bought me as a birthday gift, put on the earphone, played the pop songs from my most

favorite idol, and listened to sleep.

I was awed by my own God.

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