My name is Jenny I would like to share with you

my own journey and my families experience of

mental illness.

Both my sister and I have been diagnosed with

mental illness as well as my late father.

I was brought up in a working class family, I

had 2 parents and a younger sister.

My childhood was generally happy, similar to

most kids I liked playing outside, going to the

park and spending my pocket money on a bag of

lollies.

During my school years however, I was

physically and verbally bullied by kids both in

primary and high school, after one incident the

police were nearly called in. I spent most of

my primary school years by myself at lunchtime.

When I started high school my results were

below average and I was having difficulty

keeping up with homework and assignments, but

on the bright side I had a lot of friends in

different age groups that I got on well with.

On the downside I stopped having birthday

parties because no one would come. The last

party I had was when I turned 12.

In year 10 we had to reapply to continue in

Year 11 & 12 – my application was rejected and

I had to leave at the end of the year, I left

behind friends I had grown up with and familiar

surroundings.

I was forced to to start again at a public

school, it was a very challenging time for me.

I was the new kid on the block, I found it hard

to make friends, adapt to a new timetable/new

rules and new surroundings that I wasn`t use

to. I did however manage to complete my HSC but

my results were very poor. When I went to

school we didn`t have much in the way of

support services like a counsellor, special

education teacher or peer support program.

I noticed that over many years Dads behaviour

was changing, after he lost both his job and

his own mother to cancer. he was talking to

himself, playing music very loud, staring a

lot, pacing up and down the hall way and was

verbally abusive towards me and the rest of the

family he was very hard to live with. He was

unpredictable and socially withdrawn. I started

to notice something was wrong when I was about

12 years old.

My mother once had surgery which was supposed

to be a simple procedure but there was a

mistake made during the operation and as a

result she nearly died but luckily she got the

right treatment and after a longer stay in

hospital she was on the road to recovery.

This event seem to affect the family a lot

especially Dad, soon after he had some

psychotic episodes and he thought Mum was using

drugs, poisoning his food, then in one instance

he poured the coffee out of the jar for my

sister and I to check for drugs – one of the

episodes occurred on Mother’s Day. On that

particular day after lunch we assumed he had

just gone for a walk like he did on most days

but it become apparent to us that as the

afternoon progressed something may have

happened to him because he did not return home

and had been gone for quite a while, we started

to get very worried. Mum noticed the Medicare

card was not in it’s usually place – he later

called and confirmed he had been to a local

medical centre and that the doctor sent him to

the local psychiatric hospital. He only stayed

overnight, typical of Dad he discharged himself

and came home the next morning without being

assessed.

The local mental health crisis team came to

visit, they tried to convince him to go back to

hospital but he wasn’t interested and refused

their help, he was then referred by our GP to a

local psychiatrist but he only ever saw him a

couple of times and started taking an anti

psychotic drug which he did not take all the

time, he thought he didn`t need it, therefore

his moods were very unstable, because of recent

events my mother separated from my father for a

few months fearing for her own safety. I was

also very scared because I did not understand

what was happening.

In those days as a family we weren`t give any

information which made the experience of mental

illness very difficult. If someone at the time

had explained it to us, it would have given us

a better understanding of what we had to deal

with.

It was during this time I started to develop

what I thought were stress related symptoms –

shaking hands, rapid heartbeat, insomnia, upset

stomach, shortness of breath and welts on my

skin. During the separation I spent one week

with Mum and the other week with Dad.

Mum eventually returned home, Dad was still

extremely hard to live with, Mum decided to

return to the workforce, I was always in and

out of training courses, casual jobs and

government employment programs, I couldn`t get

any permanent work. I applied for lots of jobs

and went for many interviews, but I was

rejected every single time.

My sister was also dealing with her own

problems with suicidal thoughts, panic attacks

and self-harm she did get some help from a

local adolescent health unit but the

psychiatrist she saw refused to put on her

medication and wouldn`t give her a definite

diagnosis. She ended up quitting school before

sitting her HSC exams. She also had learning

difficulties that were assessed in primary

school but never followed up on and as a result

she missed too much school.

She wasn`t coping at home with Dads behaviour,

she thought he was trying to make life

difficult for her she started going out all day

every day to avoid him. One day unexpectedly

she walked out and moved into a crisis refuge

which then lead to a placement in supported

housing.

During this time she became depressed started

hearing voices, and attempted suicide by

overdosing on medication. On her last attempt

her stomach was pumped with charcoal, she

didn`t overdosed again. The local mental health

crisis team at first weren`t very helpful. They

kept changing her medications and that made her

more unwell they were also reluctant to

organise follow-up care.

Mum got hold of an intervention officer and my

sister was assigned a case manager who was also

a psychologist.

After two years of supported housing my sister

had no choice but to move into private rental

accommodation which did not work out for her.

Her case manager suggested she should try

shared accommodation that has support workers

available. She was only there for a few months

before she decided to finally return home,

since then she has linked up with the local

living skills program, respite service and many

other support services. She is currently stable

on medication and sees a psychologist regularly

as well as our family doctor. One of her

medications was recently increased after a

psychiatric review.

Dad had cancer for nearly 2 years, this was

another difficult time for the family – it was

a rare blood cancer called multiple myeloma,

unfortunately he lost that brave battle in 2005

and passed away on my birthday November 15. I

am thankful I had this time with him because

during his treatment he was given

antidepressants and somehow he was back to the

person that Mum first knew. It made a real

difference in all our lives. He was a

completely different person, His attitude

changed, and he was much easier to get along

with, looking back now he probably should have

been on both types of medication from the very

beginning.

However I have learnt since then that he had a

very difficult childhood, he was an only child,

was sexually abused, and he had no father

figure, his dad walked out on him and his Mum

at a very young age. My Mum told me a lot about

the early years of his life that would have

contributed to him having mental illness.

His Mum my grandmother many years ago was also

taking an anti-psychotic drug amongst her other

medications. Mum saw the bottle once but at

that stage did not know what it was for.

After working as a preschool assistant for a

few years I decided that I would become a

primary school teacher I applied and was

accepted at a local university as a mature aged

student. It was always something I wanted to do

from a very young age. But unfortunately it

wasnot working out for me no matter how hard I

tried. I did not pass all my assessments which

meant I had to make up the marks in the exam to

gain a pass grade I was putting a lot of

pressure on myself to do well. In the end I

passed 3 out of 5 subjects in first semester.

We then had 3 weeks of practice teaching in a

school, my placement was with a Year 6 class I

had been working with them during the semester

so I knew the kids well, we were very limited

in the subjects we could teach in first year it

was only Maths and English.

I didn`t last 3 weeks, At the beginning of the

second week I asked my university supervisor

directly if I was failing she said no, however

the next day unexpectedly she arrived at the

school with an envelope which had a letter

inside and told me that I was at risk of

failing the placement even though I had been

improving each time I`d taught a lesson, she

also told me the senior university supervisor

would be coming in to observe me teach the

class at the end of the week, I had 2 days to

prepare for what could be my final lesson as a

student teacher I was under a huge amount of

pressure and felt really anxious.

It was the first lesson of the day and the

senior supervisor was watching me from the back

of the room. I tried to stay as calm as I could

while teaching even though I was really

nervous, after my lesson the kids left the room

for their PE class he then spoke to my class

teacher about what he observed while I waited

in the room next door, he then walked in and

spoke to me, provided me with feedback about

the lesson but ultimately it was decided that

my teaching skills were not up to the standard

required and I was given a fail grade. I burst

into tears, the final decision had been made

and I was asked to leave the school that day. I

was told I’d be better off not coming back for

the third week. I cried all the way home.

Unfortunately I didn`t receive much support

from either, the class teacher or from the

university.

I was totally devastated as I tried so hard to

improve but my best wasn`t good enough. I did

however go back to uni for second semester but

that was a total disaster so I decided to leave

at the end of the year. In the finish I felt

that I had no other choice.

After that my own mental health took a turn for

the worst I became very depressed, I didn`t

seem to be coping with life I lost confidence

in myself and my abilities, I kept telling

myself, I wasn`t good at anything I didn`t have

many friends, I`d lost interest in my usual

activities, and felt I was worthless to

society, I gave up on everything I previously

enjoyed and I didn`t know what to do. I was

happy enough just to lay on my bed or sit

around doing nothing and watch the world go by.

I knew there was something wrong and I had to

take action so I saw my GP who is very aware of

our family history and she started me on anti-

depressants and I had some counselling. I also

struggled for the first few months after Dad

died it was a very challenging time for me. But

I got thru that with the support of my Mum and

sister. My medication was increased for a short

time during this period of grieving.

I always remember Mum and Dad telling me to

take one day at a time. Before Dad died he told

me to be happy and to get on with the rest of

my life. I have been stable on medication for

several years now. I have a good relationship

with my Mum and sister who understand that I

have a mental illness. My sister and I have

grown closer together over the last few years

and we are able to help & support each other.

I have learnt a lot about myself in recent

years. I think to survive a mental illness you

need courage, resilience and perseverance as

well as a good support network.

Today I am generally well and I am a survivor

of mental illness. I think the most important

thing is to take baby steps with whatever

challenges life throws at you. No matter what

you are going thru there is light at the end of

the tunnel, sometimes it might just be a matter

of taking 2 steps forward and 1 step back. And

remembering when one door closes another door

opens, which was one of my Dads favourite

quotes.

In 2015 I decided it was time for me to learn

as much as I could about mental illness in

order to help my sister in the future.

I have completed several courses including a

Consumer Advocacy Course, Mental Health First

Aid, Wellways MI Recovery and Partners in

Depression. I have attended a local carers

group and completed workshops they facilitate.

I am part of a local Consumer Advocacy Group

that was established thru Partners in Recovery

which we now run independently. I participate

in regular activities that Inner West Respite

Services oversee.

I`m a Mental Health Consumer Adviser for the

Sydney Local Health District and I currently

sit on 2 committees.

I`m also a mental health educator for Remind in

which I share my story of lived experience with

other people, my main objective is to educate

the public and reduce the stigma surrounding

mental illness, in this role I have been able

to conquer my fear of public speaking and

develop my presentation skills.

Based on what I have achieved so far, I was

chosen by the Remind team to be a case

study/success story for the SFNSW Annual Report

and FOCUS newsletter which has since been

published, It was a lovely surprise that I

wasnot expecting and It`s great to be

recognised for the work I am doing. Even my GP

wanted a copy.

I am currently working towards becoming a peer

educator with South Eastern Sydney Recovery

College. I am in the process of completing

their Educator Training Program and I`m gaining

practical experience within their local

community mental health centre education

program.

I`m working as a volunteer on the telephone

referral information support service (TRISS) I

attend a weekly shift where I make outreach

calls to people who have limited social contact

and are isolated because of mental health

issues and need extra support. I`m also a

member of the SFNSW Consumer Committee.

My Lived Experience Story appears on the

WayAhead and NSW Mental Health Commission

websites.

I consider myself to be very lucky because one

opportunity has led to another and I`ve had

fantastic support from everyone. My level of

confidence has dramatically increased and I`m

doing things now that I never thought I could

or would do. Mum said to me once she can`t

believe what I have accomplished in such a

short period of time, to be honest neither can

I. I sometimes wish my Dad was still alive so

he could see all the great things I am doing in

my life now.

Even though I am involved with a lot of

different activities I make sure I spend time

doing things I enjoy like art/craft & colouring

in, writing short stories/poems and reading.

It`s an outlet for me to be creative, a way to

relax and have some fun. I have been going to a

local cardmaking group for over 12 months, in

that time I have learnt new techniques to

create birthday and Christmas cards. I enjoy

attending local craft shows during the year.

Mental illness is however only one small part

of me, I should be recognised, acknowledged and

treated as an equal just like everyone else in

the community rather than discriminated

against. In reality mental illness can and does

happen to anyone. Be aware it can strike anyone

at anytime.

Thank you for listening.