LEVERAGING OUR CHILDREN’S GLOBAL EXPERIENCEIn the context of the living in Beijing

Dr Lyn Wren

Western Academy of Beijing31st January 2013

Our Aim Today

EXPAT CHILDREN THE NEW PROTOTYPEGlobal citizen, first culture, second culture, third culture and cross cultural kids – these are all terms that may be used to refer to our living in Beijing children.

The prototype citizen of the future is said to be the global citizen – especially the children that are at ease with moving within and across cultures, building bridges and making connections.

But is is all good news? Studies have shown that these global children have a unique set of challenges to overcome.

The pressure of moving to a new city, exposure to a foreign culture, starting in a new school, having to make new friends and watch friends leave, all create stress. These stressors are then linked to many emotional and physical health problems. Behavioral issues, anxiety, depression, eating and dieting disorders, alcohol & substance use and suicide, can all be triggered by the stressors our global citizen children are facing.

As a parent, understanding how to turn these challenges into assets is absolutely essential.

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CROSS CULTURE & THIRD CULTURE KIDS

CROSS CULTURAL & THIRD CULTURE KIDS

Cross Cultural Kids: meaningful interaction with 2 cultures during the developmental years

Third Culture Kids: 1st culture is your ‘home’ culture; 2nd culture is the one you moved to; 3rd culture is the one you make in your ‘new home’ which is usually a combination of the two.

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THE NEW ‘NORMAL’= GLOBALCITIZENS

THE NEW ‘NORMAL’= GLOBALCITIZENS

LEVERAGING IT TO OUR ADVANTAGE

“ TCKs are cross-culturally mobile children, born into a first culture and raised in one or more additional cultures. Their emergent life-style produces a third culture that lacks national or cultural boundaries. TCKs are marginal, mobile in body, soul, and intellect. Their roots lie in uprootedness. They fit in everywhere, nowhere in particular. They are simultaneously insiders and outsiders….”

Ayla Delin, Istanbul, writing in Time, March 1, 1993

Parenting & Our Global Citizen Children - Advantages

Parenting & Our Global Citizen Children - Advantages

Problem Solving

FlexibleWORLD

VIEW

Strong FamilyTiesMature

ToleranceADAPTABILITY

SkilledCulturallySensitive

Linguistic Skills

Empathy

Parenting & Our Global Citizen Children - Challenges

Parenting & Our Global Citizen Children - Challenges

Feelings of being rootless

Worsen ADD/ADHD Behavioral

Problems

Depression & Suicide

EducationOut Of

Phase

Stress & Anxiety

Insecurity

Clashes with different

value systems

Eating &Dieting

Disorders

Unresolved grief & sadness

Alcohol & Substance

Use

Individual Response To Stressors Depends on Many Factors

PARENT POWEREvidence Based Research Confirms…

Part 1

THE LOVE LANGUAGESLearning how to communicate love in a language your children understand

Communicating LoveA strong family is one where the members genuinely feel loved

Research has concluded: To feel loved is the primary human emotional needIt is like each of us has an ‘emotional love tank’

Conflicts and issues are more easily received, discussed and resolved if the parties feel loved & accepted

With our children our aim is to increasingly lead by the strength of our relationship NOT by the power of our authority

Of course we DO LOVE THEM but our expressions of love may not make our children FEEL LOVED.

GENERAL PRINCIPLES – No formulasGENERAL PRINCIPLES – No formulas

The Idea of Love Languages

Love is expressed as an ‘emotional language’There are 5 basic languages of loveEach person is different – what communicates love to one person may not communicate love to anotherEveryone needs a little of everything but people have ONE language that speaks LOUDER than all others (some are bilingual)

Children under the age of about 5 years need ALL 5 love languages

5 Love Languages

Part 2

Our goal is to raise children that have their own “moral compass” rather than just ‘rule obeyers’.

Instilling A Moral CompassUsing the power of influence rather thanthe power of our authority as parents

IntroductionIntroduction

We have established that growing a healthy, loving child-parent relationship is the MOST important

The next step is ‘TRAINING’

Love and “training” have to go together

Our goal is to lead by the strength of our relationship NOT by the power of our authority

Our goal is to equip our children with a moral compass, so they can make good choices as they navigate the challenges of living in Beijing

What Is A Moral Compass?What Is A Moral Compass?

A value system that has been ‘inbuilt’ over the yearsA value system that enables children, teenagers, young adults & adults make good, morally responsible decisions for themselvesA value system that keeps ‘steering’ them in the right directionA value system that is independent of ‘rules’ and ‘the law’.How we instil this moral compass changes as the phases of parenting change

How Do We Instill A Moral Compass?How Do We Instill A Moral Compass?

Teach them the reasons ‘why’

The reasons ‘why’ need to be genuine/accurate

Teaching them ‘why’ instills in them a set of values and morals which they will keep with them for the rest of their life

The GOAL is to empower them to make decisions for themselves

We want to raise morally responsible young adults….NOT rule obeyers!

Down Side of Instilling A Moral CompassDown Side of Instilling A Moral Compass

Takes more time than just saying ‘because I’m the parent and I said so’

YOU need to know the reasons ‘why’

Parents need to MODEL the moral values they are seeking to instill

Expect rich discussion on all the reasons ‘why not’ and ‘why you’re wrong’

It might still come down to ‘well I appreciate your opinion BUT….”

Even in this situation, you have instilled the value even though you have to fall back on parental authority

Moral Compass Versus Rule-ObeyersMoral Compass Versus Rule-Obeyers

Rule Obeyers

Obey when there ARE rules

Can ‘disobey’ when there is no one watching

Can ‘disobey’ when they think they can get away with it

Motivated by an inbuilt ‘moral

compass’

Can make decisions:

Independently of whether there are rules

When there is no-one watching or telling them what to do

To do the right thing even if there are no rewards or punishments

How We As Parents Can Make All The Difference

How We As Parents Can Make All The Difference

BeFlexible

Make them Feel

LOVED

Keep aHealthy marriage

KeepFamily

Traditions

Change Your

Parenting Style as Your

Kids Grow

BuildStrongFamily

Relationships

Be INVOLVED

Learn howTo be a

‘coach’ as your kids get

older

Be an informed

parent

Look forOpportunitiesTo teach Your

Kids‘Why’

Get supportIf you

need it

Conclusion Conclusion

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