let’s savor milestone · 2016-12-06 · margaret moore, aka coach meg, mba founder/ceo,...
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www.ncchwc.org www.nbme.org
let’s savor milestone
Margaret Moore, aka Coach Meg, MBA Founder/CEO, Wellcoaches Corporation, Co-Founder/Co-Director Institute of Coaching,
Co-Founder, Board member, National Consortium for Credentialing Health and Wellness Coaches
Inner Family & Immunity to Change
Harvard Health book published by William Morrow September 2016www.organizeyouremotions.com
Do I contradict myself? Very well, then, I contradict myself. I am large, I contain multitudes.
Walt Whitman
Coaching the Multiplicity of Mind:A Strengths-Based ApproachJuly 2013
Pixar 2015: Inside Out
Transcendence, Benevolence, Peacemaker, Harmony, Gra5tude, Meaning, Purpose,
Wholeness, Congruence Achievement, Contribu5on
Respect, To maCer, To be valued, To be validated, To be heard, Acknowledgement,
Jus5ce, Fairness, Integrity
Authen5city, Individuality, Responsibility, Self-determina5on, Choice, Control, Freedom, Independence, Space
Physical survival, Safety, Sustenance, Security, Sleep, Relaxa5on, Exercise, Nutri5on, Balance, Familiarity, Conserva5on, Health, Healing
Self-efficacy, Competence, Strength, Power, Protect, Compe55ve
Crea5vity, Beauty, Celebra5on, Flow, Play, Leisure, Humor, Self-expression, Procrea5on
Clarity, Produc5vity, Reliability, Work, Problem-solving, Organiza5on, Order
Openness, Sensory s5mula5on, Adventure, Wonder, Explora5on,
Discovery, Novelty, Challenge, Learning, Consump5on, Risk
Love, Empathy, Support, Connec5on, Interdependence, Belonging,
Community, Coopera5on, Soothing
MeaningMaker
Standard-Se.er
Rela1onal
CuriousAdventurer
Execu1veManager Crea1ve
Confidence
BodyRegulator
Autonomy
3rd person perspective…
a part of me feels, says, thinks, knows...
Kross, Grossman (2011). Boosting Wisdom: Distance from the Self Enhances Wise Reasoning, Attitudes, and Behavior
ambivalence emerges…
….from competing needs and drives
Immunity to Change parts who want me to improve
parts who don’t want me to improve
hidden conflicts keep us stuck 1. Parts of me want to get
better at... 2. Parts of me are sabotaging
the good intentions. 3. The sabotaging parts need to
protect me from something terrible.
4. I can help those parts shift their beliefs and assumptions
1. Improvement Goal
2. Doing/Not Doing
(vs. #1)
3. Hidden Competing
Commitment
4. Big
Assumption CRITERIA: • True for you • Implicates you • Room for improvement • Important to you
CRITERIA: • Behaviors (not inner states) • That work against col. 1 • Not Why? or What you should do about it.
WORRY BOX
CRITERIA: • Follows from the fear • Commitment to self protection • Show why column 2 behaviors make good sense! • Feels powerful
CRITERIA: • See how it sustains immune system • Has a ‘Big-Time Bad’ conclusion for you • Shows a bigger world for you (“I must not enter”) • Feels powerful
example 1 • I want to go to the gym
regularly • I buy a gym membership.
• I don’t go to the gym regularly.
• I’ll become a dumb jock.
Kegan, Lahey, Helsing, (2015). Right Mind, Right Weight
example 2 • I want to make better food
choices • I buy healthy foods.
• I buy unhealthy foods. • I dislike following other
people’s rules about what is healthy.
Kegan, Lahey, Helsing, (2015). Right Mind, Right Weight
example 3 • I want to make eat healthier in
social situations with unhealthy food available.
• I eat what my friends eat. • They will think I’m a girl and I
won’t belong.
Kegan, Lahey, Helsing, (2015). Right Mind, Right Weight
example 4 • I want to engage in lifelong
healthy habits, not fads • I set unrealistic goals that
assure failure. • If I succeed I’ll have no
excuses.
Kegan, Lahey, Helsing, (2015). Right Mind, Right Weight
what are examples of parts keeping me
stuck?
harm my relational belonging
• Being rejected • Avoiding conflict • Avoiding looking selfish • Seen as ungrateful • Not fitting in
Kegan, Lahey, Helsing, (2015). Right Mind, Right Weight
harm my status with others
• Losing respect • Appearing weak • Disappointing people • Letting people down • Looking like failure
Kegan, Lahey, Helsing, (2015). Right Mind, Right Weight
harm my self-worth
• Feeling worthless • Feeling like a failure • Letting myself down • Don’t deserve to be
happy or successful
Kegan, Lahey, Helsing, (2015). Right Mind, Right Weight
harm my identity • Having to be a different
person • Having to meet others’
expectations • Being insignificant • Unable to be authentic • Sacrifice part of myself
Kegan, Lahey, Helsing, (2015). Right Mind, Right Weight
harm my sense of control
• Losing free will or choice
• Being vulnerable • Being overwhelmed • Being in chaos
Kegan, Lahey, Helsing, (2015). Right Mind, Right Weight
failure • I will fail • Letting myself down • Losing my excuses • Finding out that I’m not
as good as I think I am
Kegan, Lahey, Helsing, (2015). Right Mind, Right Weight
risks to safety • Weakness • Illness • Injury
Kegan, Lahey, Helsing, (2015). Right Mind, Right Weight
too few resources • Not enough time • Not enough energy • Sacrifice something I
need
Kegan, Lahey, Helsing, (2015). Right Mind, Right Weight
other unmet needs
• Feeling deprived of enjoyment
• Missing spontaneity • Feeling bored
Kegan, Lahey, Helsing, (2015). Right Mind, Right Weight
more suffering
• Loss of way to self-soothe
• Will have to feel discomfort
Kegan, Lahey, Helsing, (2015). Right Mind, Right Weight
coaching demonstration parts who want me to improve
• parts who don’t want me to improve
• Hidden beliefs and commitments
• Shift perspective?
parking lot
Needs & Drives: Body Regulator
Safety Security Stress & recharge Balance Vitality Sustainability
Needs & Drives: Curious Adventurer
Novelty Risk Adventure Change Exploration Zest Sense of wonder
Needs & Drives: Confidence
Competence Strength Power Protect
Needs & Drives: Standard Setter Self-esteem Self-image Measure Evaluate Judge Critique Fairness
Needs & Drives: Relational Love Compassion Nurture Serving others Loyalty Trust Benevolence Belonging
Needs & Drives: Autonomy
Self-determination Self-actualization March to own drummer Authenticity Freedom to choose Control of destiny
Needs & Drives: Creative
Spontaneous Nonlinear thinking Generate ideas Impulsive Play Humor
Needs & Drives: Executive Manager Organize Plan Think through Make decisions Linear analysis Productivity Time management Self-regulating
Needs & Drives: Meaning Maker
Quest for answers Find meaning Identify higher purpose Zoom out to big picture Gratitude
Margaret Moore, aka Coach Meg, MBA Founder/CEO, Wellcoaches Corporation, Co-Founder/Co-Director Institute of Coaching,
Co-Founder, Board member, National Consortium for Credentialing Health and Wellness Coaches
Inner Family & Immunity to Change