learning to understand ourselves: an inquiry into feelings
TRANSCRIPT
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Who am
I?
Learning to Understand Ourselves
The Kindergarten child enters a new classroom environment,encountering the new faces of children and teachers. Asfacilitator the teacher becomes aware of the process andjourney through which the individual identity of each childwill need to be celebrated and shared, in order for the group identity or class community to emerge, develop and grow. The individual child needs to be given many opportunities to discover his or her own identity to enable him or her to feel comfortable to share with the group. We
were determined to continue on this path of identity, because we knew that the young child’s thoughts are continually evolving. We wanted to pursue the notion of what it is to be somebody. We could see the children’s faces. We were able to identify a sense of self but what was that child really like? A sense of self has to develop gradually. Being yourself is about knowing who you are. Fortunately time is a component that will play a huge role in the path of this investigation that we have chosen.
Through this inquiry we understand how we have a role to play in our own physical, mental, social and spiritual health and contribute to that of others. Each person is dynamic and through cultural experiences develops his or her own set of values and view of the world. We will explore the idea that individuals are interconnected.
Through this inquiry we understand how we have a role to play in our own physical, mental, social and spiritual health and contribute to that of others. Each person is dynamic and through cultural experiences develops his or her own set of values and view of the world. We will explore the idea that individuals are interconnected.
Through this inquiry we understand how we have a role to play in our own physical, mental, social and spiritual health and contribute to that of others. Each person is dynamic and through cultural experiences develops his or her own set of values and view of the world. We will explore the idea that individuals are interconnected.
Enduring Understanding:Each person is unique but we all share things in common.
Compelling Ques5on:•How can I understand more about myself?• How do my experiences make me unique?• How are we part of each others’ stories?
Concepts:RelaDng -‐ Listening and EmpathyResourcefulness -‐ CapitalisaDon, Making links, Imagining
“To give oneself an iden/ty is a long and /ring process. It is like being born a second /me. It is the need of each one of us to give ourselves a face, a body, gestures, ac/ons, thoughts words and imagina/on. It is the sen/ment of being that dis/nguishes us from others, in order to recognise and be recognised, to recognise ourselves in others and in others to find a part of ourselves. It is in fact a dialogue, confronta/on and discussion with the other ways of being and thinking, that the image of oneself takes on awareness and defines itself.”
Loris Malaguzzi
Looking within....I invited the children to look into themselves, to try and form a deeper understanding of who they are, to listen carefully to their rhythms. The children bravely accepted and offered profound insights into their feelings and sense of being. There was trust in the recognition that every individual is whole, capable, wise and responsible for their response to life. That in being compassionate with ourselves and others we can move through life doing the best we can. In paying attention to the here and now, we discover that things change, moment to moment.
What are your ideas about feelings?
I was touched by the level of depth to their responses. The children began by sugges<ng some of the feelings that they have,
“I can feel happy.”“I can feel angry and sad.”“If I am nice to my friend, they feel nice and I feel nice.”“On the bicycle I feel happy going super fast.”“I feel happy when I see rainbows and bu=erflies.”
“Building with magnets makes me happy.”
As the children iden<fied different feelings, I was surprised at how they were already aware of the extent that we are connected to others through our emo<ons. There seemed to be some understanding that the way other people feel can affect the way we feel and also that we can affect the feelings of others.
“I was happy because I had friends. My friends help me. We play together and take turns.”“Monta make me happy.”“Be kind to your friends, it makes me feel happy. And if they are feeling sad and blue it makes them feel be=er.”“You can share and be nice, it makes me feel good and happy and kind.”“It makes me sad when people are sad.”
The conversa<on developed into sharing theories about what is going on inside you when you experience different feelings. I find it fascina<ng to explore ideas about the invisible and challenging children to consider what can not be seen, thus ac<va<ng the meaning-‐making competencies of children as a basis of learning.
“It comes from our brains and hearts.”“Your brain gets the idea and then you tell your heart and then you say.”“If you are sad all of your body is sad.”“From whole inside your body.”“They work together as a team, your brain and your heart.”“The blood turns red when you are angry.”“The blood is red and helps you to think and feel angry or sad or happy.”“The heart gets black when you are angry.”
The children made graphic representa<ons of their theories and shared their drawings. For some of the children, it is easier to express their thinking through drawing rather than verbally. For some children drawing helps them to clarify their ideas as they find ways to illustrate their ideas on paper.
“The heart and the brain makes you smile.”
“Inside it’s like a volcano exploding. Hot lava and rocks coming when you are geKng mad.”
“Hugging makes me happy. The brain and the heart work together. They are a team.”
‘When I feel happy, it’s like flying.”
“Feeling mad. Big sharp teeth. The bones and the heart are geKng ready to punch. They are angry too. Tornado in my brain. Steam is coming out of my ears. My head is almost exploding.”
“I have a volcano in me when I am angry. I have a volcano in my belly.”
“When I’m happy it’s like I have rainbows and colour dots in my body. It’s like the sun is shining.”
“My brain goes black when I am sad.”
“When I’m angry ... I’m drawing many brains because they are bouncing around, like my brain is going nuts. I’m doing my face red.”
In pausing to think about joyful events or unpleasant events, in paying aDen<on to events in daily life, what happens in your minds , thoughts, hearts and bodies, the children are becoming more completely aware of the current feeling state or emo<on. The children are really feeling their feelings.
Anger....
In our discussions, many of the children talked about angry feelings. In response to these acknowledgements of less comfortable feelings, we read, ‘Angry Dragon’ by Thierry Robberecht. I selected this book as it shows the power of our emo<ons and how we can be overwhelmed and transformed by how we feel. The children made thoughFul comments about the main character in the story, a young boy who feels his anger rising, building inside him and turning him into a giant dragon and then how the boy is soothed and the fire inside of him dissipates. The metaphor of the dragon inside connected well with the children’s descrip<ons of a volcano in their stomach that exploded when they are angry or mad.
Anxiety...
The children bravely discussed events that they feel worried about,
“When I was first coming to school I felt excited and nervous. Excited to see my new class. Nervous there might be new friends, they might not like me.”
“I worry about the thunder, lightening, noises, dreams. It scares me when it thunders and lightening. When I splash in the puddles I feel be=er.”
“I worry about the dark and lightening. When it’s dark I can’t see. I am scared of the lightening. I need to go to my mum and she hug me and kiss me. SomeRmes I go there to sleep.”
“I’m worried about when me dad takes me to school and he has to go and I am staying alone in school unRl 2 o’clock.”
“I’m scared of my mum and my sister going somewhere in the car. My mum and my sister going to everywhere but not school, I am at school. I think it will always be a long Rme but actually it isn’t a long Rme.”
“When my bus is here, I don’t have any Rme to hug my mum and dad. I’m sad when my mum and dad is gone.”
“When I am asleep alone, I worry about a monster saying, ‘I am going to eat you!’ When my mum comes, when my mum sleeps with me, I feel be=er.”
“I’m scary, I’m worry lightening go to my body.”
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When listening to some of the children describe what they do to feel beDer, it seems to be important that we help children to feel connected to parents, teachers and caregivers and to provide a stable and happy environment where children can be comforted when they are overloaded with stress. These discussions further reinforce the vital importance of rela<onships. It serves as a reminder about the way we get along with children and how this influences them. The environment must be set up to interface the cogni<ve realm and the realm of rela<onship and affec<vity. My hope is that over <me, we can provide a safe context for children to learn to understand and love themselves and to develop empathe<c understanding of others.
“Holding hands with my friends makes me happy again.”
“I outside and play, I feels good again.”
“When you are angry you can take a deep breath.”
“Going on the slide makes me happy again.”
“I pretend I’m on a cloud.”
“Holding hands with Milo makes me feel be=er.”
“A sunny day makes me feel be=er.”
“I close my eyes and imagine a happy feeling, like excited for something like a birthday, my birthday or my friends birthday.”
“Making funny faces makes me laugh again.”
“Yes, laughing makes me feel be=er.”
It was interes<ng to me that many of the sugges<ons from the children about how to manage stress
seemed somewhat similar to adult versions, including,
• deep breathing-‐taking long slow deep breathes, • autosugges<on -‐ dropping into the mind key phrases or images that induce a sense of physical relaxa<on, • physical contact of a loved one• physical presence of a loved one• nature• exercise or physicality
Managing our worries...
How can we manage our anxieties and worries?
Holding hands with my friends makes me happy again.
If go outside and play feels good again.
More time for playing is good.
Being in my house makes me feel better.
Doing somersaults makes me happy again
I think about flowers and rainbows and I feel better
Holding hands with Milo makes me feel better.
Thinking about hearts makes me happy again.
Being with my friends makes me happy again.
A sunny day makes me feel better.
When I am angry I take deep breathes.
I pretend to be a ninja when I am angry.
When you are angry you can take a deep breath.
Going on the slide makes me happy again.
Being with Nanako and friends make me happy.
Being upside down makes me feel better.
I pretend I’m on a cloud.
I think about hearts and butterflies and I don’t feel sad any more .
Laughter...
Many of the children suggested that laughing makes them feel beDer if they are feeling angry or sad. They seem to have a sense that when laughter is shared, it binds people together and increases happiness and in<macy. Humor is infec<ous. The sound of roaring laughter is far more contagious than any cough, sniffle, or sneeze. I decided to discuss laughter with the groups to find out more about the children’s ideas.
“Every body laughs.”
“I laugh at jokes.”
“Audra is sRcking her tongue out at me and it makes me laugh.”
“It’s like you’re doing funny faces and saying silly words and you laugh a lot a lot.”
“Playing soccer with Makoto make me laugh.”
“When my dad blows a raspberry on my tummy. It Rckles and I laugh . He does it at bed Rme.”
“When I Rckle on my foot it really Rckles.”
“When I got Rckled under my arm it really Rckles.”
Even talking about laughing caused much laughter. Children shared jokes with spontaneity and made silly faces to encourage more laughter.
“I like to make people laugh by saying silly things.”
“I like people to laugh and be happy.”
Some of the children really enjoy making their friends laugh and have a desire for others to be happy. We
laughed together as a group, beginning with fake laughter that quickly became contagious and real, just hearing laughter seems to prime your brain and readies you to smile and join in the fun. An emo<onal sharing that has the capacity to build strong and las<ng rela<onship bonds, also contribu<ng joy, vitality, and resilience.
The feelings were so strong, we were moved to compose poetry about laughter.
Frustration....
Many of the children described frustra<on at being rushed or not having enough <me. The children came to the conclusion that it does make them angry or frustrated when they have to stop something or they are interrupted, but they understood that it is usually because their mums cared for them and wanted them to be healthy and strong.
“I hear my mum and I listen to her.”
“Your mum wants you to get strong and grow.”
“If you eat and go to bed you might get strong.”
“Otherwise you will be grumpy in the morning.”
“You have to eat something to be healthy.”
“So you can be strong.”
“If you watch too much TV your eyes need glasses or the TV gets hot.”
“Your mum wants to sleep good so you have your beauty sleep.”
The children’s comments reflected their busy schedules and the ways in which <me is organised for them. Perhaps the children would benefit from <me off from a hec<c, hassled rou<ne to rest and restore and to be simply present in the moment.
It seems clear that the children find interrup<ons frustra<ng and have a desire for prolonged periods of <me for explora<on and discovery. I hope that the structure of our day at school reflected the needs of the children, that our schedule allows for flow and
nego<a<on and to accommodate differences in the children. Things happen in their own <me and space without the forced nature a rushed schedule or over scheduling gives. There are events in each day that the children can an<cipate such as class mee<ngs, snack, lunch, projects, outside explora<on and home <me. It follows the same predictable order but without fret. We try and give ample <me and space for children to make connec<ons in their own <me. We try to make sure that we have enough <me to talk, to listen, to reflect and to be together.
The children have a sense of trying to fit too many things into a day. When we try to rush the children or move them on to something else when they are deeply engaged in an ac<vity causes tension and frustra<on.
Gandini talks of the connec<on between <me and space for an atmosphere for learning,
“The consideraRon of the children’s own needs and rhythms shapes the arrangement of space and the physical environment, while in turn, the Rme at disposal allows for the use and enjoyment, at a child’s pace, of such carefully thought out space.”
(Edwards, C., Gandini, L. and Foreman, G. (1993), p.140, The hundred Languages of Children. Norwood, NJ:Ablex)
There is much to be said for providing <me for the children to make connec<ons to their own world, in their own <me as competent individuals. If we see the children as competent to construct their own knowledge then the children must be given <me to do this.
I would like more time...
...to play football with my friends.
...to get chocolate milkshakes and vanilla milkshakes with
my family. Me and my Daniel and my Alex and my dad
and my mum. I would like so much to be with my family.
I would like more time...
...to swimming. I want swimming in the ocean with daddy.
...to watch flowers and rainbows for as long as I want.
...to do ballet with Ms. Chris5ne and Nanako.
...be in the Atelier. I like to make rainbows and flowers. I love them. I like it in the Atelier.
.... for riding my bicycle with two wheels so fast. With my sister. I like to ride my bicycle with my sister.
Reacting...
Harmonious rela<onships stem from a founda<on in speaking and listening with mindfulness. Instead of mindlessly spou<ng whatever pops into our thoughts, we speak mindfully when we use words that reflect our values and a deeper connec<on to ourselves. Mindful listeners are those who make you feel heard and understood and who offer a natural presence and kindness just by virtue of their listening skills. Both mindful speech and mindful listening can be taught and prac<sed. Both involve aDending to another person with full aDen<on while being aware of your own self, body, thought and emo<on. Given this we talked about how we can react to others, par<cularly when they upset or displease us.
The children are at varying levels in their development and skills at being able to communicate effec<vely with others when a situa<on has upset them. Whether we are young children or grown ups much stress, unhappiness and difficulty can arise in our less than skillful communica<on with others. We all benefit from thinking about how to listen deeply to ourselves and others and then communica<ng more clearly and compassionately. We try to work on ways to support the children during difficult communica<ons by helping them to learn to pause to consider what they feel they want, what another person feels and wants, and how they might work things out. These steps could also nurture empathy and compassion for yourself and others and lay a founda<on for crea<ve problem solving and true coopera<on. We talked about taking a moment and trying not to just react and blurt out thoughts and feelings as they appear in the heat of the moment.
•What do I feel?
•What do I want?
•What does the other person feel?
•What does the other person want?
The combina<on of paying aDen<on to our own feelings and wants and then considering the feelings and wants of others helps us be kinder to ourselves and kinder to other people.
“When you threw my toy in the trash, you broke my heart.”“Ha, ha, I hate you.”“Stop it, stop saying that.”“Sorry.”
“Stop throwing the block. It makes me sad and it hurts and it might hurt my friend.”
Relating with love and kindness....
Over our <me so far in Kindergarten, the children have come a long way in becoming more compassionate towards them selves and others.They have a heightened sensi<vity towards being loved, feeling worthy of love and feeling lovable just as they are. We have talked a lot about our own feelings and ways of managing them and as we grow to love and understand ourselves we are more able to love and understand others. We had a beau<ful session where the children remembered a simple moment when they felt cared for or loved by someone, recalling the details of the moment -‐the <me, the se[ng, the person’s voice-‐ and allowing the feeling of being cared for, or loved, fill them. We then sent caring and loving messages to the person who made us feel loved. It was touching to listen to the children appreciate their parents, brothers, sisters, grandparents and friends and acknowledge what these people do and that the children themselves are loved by many.
The verbal wishes of kindness metamorphosised into tangible wriDen and drawn messages. With love and kindness the children created notes and delivered them to delighted recipients.
“To mummy, I love you mummy.”“To daddy and mamma, I love you.”“To Shub, you are the best.”“To mum and dad, I love you and I will never forget you.”
“To mum, I love you you are my best friend.”“To Lauren, you are my best friend. I love you.”“To mum, I have drawn you a love machine so you are loved, and here is the hearts.”“To mum, thank you for taking care of me when I am sick.”
We hope that the children remember that they can send love and kindness to themselves and others.
Our learning lives on
Our inquiry into understanding ourselves and others is con<nuous and we hope that we provide a favourable and recep<ve context for the children to discover and love who they are and who others are. We hope to grow self compassion, based on the understanding that all human beings, ourselves included, have difficulty and simultaneously deserve kindness. Self compassion intertwines kindness toward oneself, an understanding of our common humanity, and mindful awareness. Self-‐ compassion enhances well-‐being, our ability to build strong rela5onships and increases resilience. Compassionate ac<on and altruism are perhaps the highest forms of moral behaviour and offer us op<mism for the future of humanity.
Daniel Goleman reminds us that, “
..our deepest feelings, our passions and longings, are essenRal guides, and that our species owes much of its existence to their power in human affairs.”
(p.3, EmoBonal Intelligence, 1995)
We will endeavour to build children’s perspec<ve taking skills enabling them to understand how their own ac<ons will be experienced by others, and take into account other’s needs, informa<on and expecta<ons. To foster empathy, making possible both the understanding and sharing of emo<ons. To give children a reasonable amount of control over their own ac<ons and emphasise that they have this control. Perhaps then we will fulfill our mission to develop passionate, inquisi<ve and crea<ve learners who take ac<on to be best for the world.