LEAD 0510LEAD 0510Leadership DevelopmentLeadership Development

Influencing OthersInfluencing Others

Life’s Basic AssumptionsLife’s Basic Assumptions

• No two people see the world the same way

• No two people react the same way

• No two people communicate the same way

Group ComparisonGroup Comparison

You come home and see coats, sweaters, shoes, bags and books near the door.

“You should consider yourself fortunate to have this person on your team.”

“As we look at changing patient and family needs and operational constraints, we should take into account that we have some tried and true ways of operating.”

In-Charge Chart-the-Course

Get-Things-Going

Behind-the-Scenes

Core Drive Urgent need to accomplish

In a timely manner

Pressing need to anticipate and have a point of reference

Urgent need to involve others and be involved

Pressing need to integrate and consider sources

Aim Get an achievable results

Get a desired result Get an embraced result

Get the best result possible

Core Belief It is worth the risk to go ahead and act or decide

It’s worth the effort and time to think ahead

It’s worth the energy to involve everyone

It’s worth the time to integrate and reconcile many inputs

Some Talents • Supervise• Mobilize• Mentor• Execute actions

• Plan• Illuminate• Give guidance• Monitor progress

• Facilitate• Share• Explore options• Explore options

• Support• Clarify values

and issues• Produce

Decision Making

Quick Decisions Deliberative Consensual decisions

Consultative decisions

Type Codes ESTP, ESTJ, ENTJ, ENFJ

ISTP, ISTJ, INTJ, INFJ

ESFP, ESFJ, ENTP, ENFP

ISFP, ISFJ, INTP, INFP

Reflections on Interaction StylesReflections on Interaction Styles

• How might others interact with you more effectively?

• How might they speed read you?

Aligning Your Communication StyleAligning Your Communication Style

How would you modify your communication style when speaking with an “In-Charge” team mate?

Aligning Your Communication StyleAligning Your Communication Style

How would you modify your communication style when speaking with a “Chart the Course” team mate?

Aligning Your Communication StyleAligning Your Communication Style

How would you modify your communication style when speaking with a “Get-Things-Going” team mate?

Aligning Your Communication StyleAligning Your Communication Style

How would you modify your communication style when speaking with a “Behind-the-Scenes” team mate?

ReflectionReflection

• Identify key people• What do you appreciate

about them?• What do you think their

communication style might be?

• What can you do to enhance the quality of the relationship?

Turbo TeamworkTurbo Teamwork

• Each person must touch each ball based on the established sequence

• Only the first person may touch more that one ball at any one time

• The balls must travel of their own volition• The balls must travel in numeric order• All teams must meet the time

requirements

DevelopingDeveloping Other-Centeredness Other-Centeredness

• Balance inquiry and advocacy

• Ask powerful questions

• Remain flexible

Focus on Advocacy

Focus on Inquiry

Discuss “I hear but I

don’t listen; I tell but I don’t sell”

L

L

H

H

Debate “I am right, you

are wrong; I don’t want to

listen to a word you say.”

Dialogue “I want to

understand your perspective and

have you explore mine.”

Defer “I will listen only

to your ideas; mine are of no consequence”

Potential ApproachesPotential Approaches

What is Dialogue?What is Dialogue?

• Bring your unique pool of meaning

• Make it safe to add others meaning to shared pool

• Be conscious of expanding pool

• Focus on possibilities

Our Shared Meaning

My Meaning

Your Meaning

When people purposefully withhold meaning from one another, individually smart people can collectively do stupid things.

• Kerry Patterson

DialogueDialogue

At the core of every successful conversation lies the free flow of relevant information. People openly and honestly express their opinions, share their feelings, and articulate their theories.

Paterson, Grenny, McMillan, Switzler: Crucial Conversations

Practice OpportunityPractice Opportunity

“What is one thing you like to do – and wish you could do more of?”

Asking Better QuestionsAsking Better Questions

• Explore for greater understanding

• Display genuine curiosity

• Look for what’s missing

Use Questions AppropriatelyUse Questions Appropriately

• Closed Questions

• Open Questions

A Process-Oriented ApproachA Process-Oriented Approach

Every door you open reveals

more of the other person’s mental

models.

Open/Directive Questions

Closed Question

Open Question

Closed Question

Open Question

Closed Question

Open Question

Closed Question

Open Question

Effective Questioning BehavioursEffective Questioning Behaviours

• Use questions appropriately

• Establish eye contact

• Summarize and paraphrase

ListeningListening

Learned

Behaviours

Selective

Ignoring

Attentive

AffectiveIntuitive Listening:

Empathetic

Learned

Behaviours

Affective ListeningAffective Listening

• Be fully present

• Invite intimacy

• Show you care

• Focus on empathy

• Delight in the unknown

Practice OpportunityPractice Opportunity

What are the biggest opportunities for change you have in your current role?

Lunch!!!!Lunch!!!!

• Enjoy lunch as a team

• Begin to pray and think about what you may want to focus on for your presentation

• How will you apply lessons learned to date?

The Emotionally Intelligent PersonThe Emotionally Intelligent Person

Our Behaviors

Emotional Connectedness

Emotional Self-Management

Self Awareness

The Emotionally Intelligent PersonThe Emotionally Intelligent Person

Our Behaviors

Emotional Connectedness

Emotional Self-Management

Self Awareness

The Emotionally Intelligent PersonThe Emotionally Intelligent Person

Our Behaviors

Emotional Connectedness

Emotional Self-Management

Self Awareness

The Emotionally Intelligent PersonThe Emotionally Intelligent Person

Our Behaviors

Emotional Connectedness

Emotional Self-Management

Self Awareness

Intention vs. ImpactIntention vs. Impact

Intention ImpactEmotions Behaviors

How the Human Brain WorksHow the Human Brain Works

Brain Stem – Basic Functions

• Temperature

• Breathing

• Heart Rate

• Reflexes

How the Human Brain WorksHow the Human Brain Works

Limbic Ring

• Amygdala

• Site of emotional memory

• Site of learning

• Answers critical questions of human survival

How the Human Brain WorksHow the Human Brain Works

Neo-Cortex

• Site of IQ

• Site of working memory

The Emotional HijackThe Emotional Hijack

• Increased heart rate

• Blood to large muscle groups

• Adrenalin

• Cortisol to neocortex

Typical ResponsesTypical Responses

• Fight

Typical ResponsesTypical Responses

• Fight

• Flight

Typical ResponsesTypical Responses

• Fight

• Flight

• Freeze

Typical ResponsesTypical Responses

• Fight

• Flight

• Freeze

• Freak

What does this mean?What does this mean?

• Our capacity to think is impacted by our emotional state

Hardwiring of the BrainHardwiring of the Brain

• EMOTION comes before THOUGHT

• We FEEL before we THINK

An Emotional HijackAn Emotional Hijack

Body responds

• Increase in heart rate

• Increase in breathing

• Increase in reflexes

An Emotional HijackAn Emotional Hijack

Body responds

Working memory decreases

• 4 variables

• 4 --------- 3,2,1

• Default to 1 for protectionIf unaddressed,

the effect lasts 18 minutes

Multiple optionsMultiple options

A minor trigger….A minor trigger….

Stress increases….Stress increases….

Perceptual narrowing

under stress.

Full blown hijack….Full blown hijack….

Before you know it, you’re just seeing red.

An Emotional HijackAn Emotional Hijack

Body responds

Working memory decreases

Brain toxicity occurs• Chemicals release into blood

Takes 3 – 4 hours for blood to clear

Internalizing AwarenessInternalizing Awareness

• Identify triggered moments

• Capture your ‘story’

Coming to the Boiling PointComing to the Boiling Point

Time

Toxicity

First Trigger

Second Trigger

Third Trigger

Full Scale Hijacking

Managing the physical responseManaging the physical response

• Exhale!

• Ask questions

• Develop a ‘learner’ mindset

JudgerJudger LearnerLearner• What’s wrong?• Whose at fault?• How can I stay

in control?• How could I

lose?• How could I get

hurt?• Why bother?

• What’s right?• For what am I

responsible?• What are my

choices?• What’s useful

about this?• What can I learn?• What’s possible?

Marilee C. Goldberg: The Art of the Question

Inner Critic ExerciseInner Critic Exercise

• What does your inner critic look like?

• Is it male / female?• What is your it’s name?• What does your inner

critic say to you?

New Studies in Neuro-leadershipNew Studies in Neuro-leadership

• Change can provoke massive doses of stress - if we cling to old models

• We resort to what we know best

• The threat response is more powerful than the reward stimuli unless we “rewire” the brain– Memory is a set of interactions of neurons –

a network of neural activity, not a “location”

Strategies for RewiringStrategies for Rewiring

• Symbolic labeling vs discussion– 1- 2 words: Strength 1 to 10– Enables the PFC

• Ask “What would I/you like to see?”

• Reappraisal

• Mindfulness

Leadership and EI: The RisksLeadership and EI: The Risks

• Leaders often create conditions of uncertainty– Positional power raises the stakes

• Human nature abhors a vacuum– People will make up their own stories

• Strongest presence in the room– Stimulate mirror neurons

• Decisions without input create feelings of helplessness

Five Leader-Driven TriggersFive Leader-Driven Triggers

• Arbitrary change in status

• Increased uncertainty

• Reduced autonomy

• Lack /removal of relatedness

• Perceived absence of fairness

Leadership and EI: The StrategiesLeadership and EI: The Strategies

• Anticipate potential triggers and reduce or eliminate them

• Be aware of your presence

• Intensify your mindfulness

• Manage the emotional bank accounts (7:1)

• Build empathy

OvernightOvernight

• Reflections on today

• Review Rost