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474-A142 pnoduction editon

clN THE CGIVEFI:IR|]C - INTERNATIONAL RACE OF CHAMPIONSDAYTONA, FL(]RTDA 1973. SHOl^lN HERE - THETHE CLASSIC DUEL BETI^IEEN PETER REVSON

@ FoFlscHEMPoFlllJM@

Our prices meet and usually beat those you seein Pano, so why mail your order off to themand wait? We can and will get it to you quicker.Let us know if there is anything eìse you want.Spend your auto trinket allowance with us.

John Lacko, Porschemporium, 2146 tJaite,Kalamazoo, Michigan 49008

@ ALLES@

CRAIG PAULL2.43-7313TFIEASUFIEFI:

OLENYK874-8142SECFIETAFIY.JOHN LACKO344-4764

VICE- PFIESiltrIENT:GAFìY YL774-042

CHAItrIMAN:E

I¡

245-C,981PAST PFIESItrIEI\IT:CHAFìLIE DUNNSFEEtrl EVEI\IT I

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trICK FILEY4=E-g,932

Ueen ALLES sTAFF:¡{NCY DUNN - editonial ediron243-8106s_LYNNE QLENYK fearune ediron874-A142

IDENT I CALVERSION OF IROC

AND BOBBY UNSER, DRIVINGPORSCHE CARRERAS, hllvlR'SUIILL BE A PART OF HOLIDACOMING JULY 2ND AND 5RD.

Y ON WHEELS THIS

@) PoFrs¡cHEMPoFulJM@ @ l<ALEI\ttrla.Fl @

lr¡v 14 VWIR GRATTATI DRIVSRS :CHOOLPorschemporium is your primary source for PorscheGoodiesi tte're talking about all the icons andartifacts passed on down to the faithful byNational H.Q. as well as the best of the unique

EHäqH18äEË

merchandise that onlBuy it from the l¡'lMR

benefit our region.

Hat, Porsche Crest BlueHat, Porsche Crest BìueHat, Porsche Red (ditto)

Book, PoRSCHE 0I,NER'S CoIIPANIoN (More than aBook, UP-FIXII{ VOL IV ('72-'76 Best of Pano)8ook, UP-FIXII{ VOL V ('77-'80 Best of Pano)Bra, Black 924 (Only bra your wife should fi

vPo

Binders, Panorama (Get them organized, finalìy).Book, Porsche Coìoring Book (Check the new color).

surfaces in PAN0RAMA.rschemporium and the profits

manual )

nd in car)

JUNE 19 h[.lR "I,R,o,c, AT IoNIA" Il''i WAYIANID

dtË%rü8ffi-

JULY 2,3 h,14R I.CILIDAY ON WHEELS

8ffiIztt6[fi'

SCHEDULE UPCOMI NG

Car Badge, PCA enaneled retal (show your coìors)Car Badge, I'll,lR nêtat (Price reduced from $7.00)Car Cover, fits 356, 914, 9lt (protect that paint:).Decal, PCA 2" water transfer (perfect for your Lawn Boy)Decal, PCA 3-l14" front stick (inside window display).Decaì, PCA 3-l/2" back stick (tool box or helmet).Emblem, PCAl/2" enameìed metal (epoxy it anywhere).Emblem, PCA l" enameled rnetaì (almost anwhere)Hat, PCA Red &.llhite (Do you really drive a Cat?).Hat, PCA Blue & I'lhite (or¿ Pete?)

$ 9.502. 00

I 4.507. 00

ì2.0030.0015.005.00

30. 00.10

I .50I .002.002.505. 505. 50I .00I .00I .004 .002.504. 007.504.007. 007.002.003. 002.009.005.006. 006.006.006. 502.502. 505 .00

12.50

12.5012.50t 2.507.s0

OFPOSS TINRS

our price, cheap()ur price, cheap

Key Case, PCA leather (a nice touch)Lapel Pin, PCA (an ôlternative to jeweled flag).License Pìate Frame, "Think Porsche" Chrome (or" just think)License Plate Frame, Black, "I'd rather be driving my 914"License Plate Frame, Black (specìal night fighter edition)l.lodel Car, 928, Silver, l/43rd (perfect 2nd Porsche)Îllodel Car, 928, Red, l/43rd (perfect 3rd Porsche)Patch, PCA, 3" (looks better than an alligator)Patch, PCA,4" (and they are bigger tool). . . .Patch, tlltlR, 4" (Better than a polo player)Sweat Shirt, ttl¡lR, Blue size 38-40 (jog tog).Sweat Shirt, }llilR-IR0C '80, Blue, size 38-40 (slog tog)T-Shir.t, !,lMR, Blue, Chitds 6-8 (ti¿ tog)T-Shirt, I'l[i'lR, Blue, Childs l0-12 (prep tog)T-Shirt, t'lltlR, Blue, Childs l4-16 (teen tog)T-Shirt, llMR, Blue 34-36 (small tog)T-Shirt, !'ltlR, Uhite/Red trim, 34-36 (check price).T-Shirt, t't!4R, Hhite,/Btue trim,34-36 (it's correct).T-Shirt, l,ll,lR-IROC'80, Bìue Ladies medium (gog toÌ,). . . .rTie, Porsche Crests, Bìue (4 in hand = 5 on floor)Tie, Porsche Crests, Brown (with a 930, it matches . . .

your shorts)Tie, Porsche Crests, Grey (could be ôshen grey).Tie, PEsche Crests, Red (Accentuated nicely by brakeìites)Towel, Þorsche 20" x 44" (for Concours or: crying).

MAY 4thJanet Langdon2517 Abb'ington SE

Grand RaPids, MI245-0981

JUNE 1StPeggy Riddle1379 Vineland Ct.Grand RaPids, MI

24t-1263

SE

PORSCHE UBER ALIIS is tfE offlci0l ü-blicotim of tfþ lþstem Hichism Reslon, Porsche

Clró of Amrlco, Inc,, o rìon-profit orgalizotim resisterd in tfrc stote of Michism tdissued l]Dnthly.. Stotsrslts md æinicns mpeoring herein ore those of the outhor cnd do

not necessorily represent tfp officiol position of l#lR-PCA, rcA, its officers or nsrbers,

The editors reserve tfìe riçñt to edit oll Ínteriol for plblicotion ad to pt-blish mlv$nt nnteriol yrtlich is felt to be in tlE best interest of tfE reSi0l cnd rcA' Permiss-

im is qronted for clnrtered PCA Ræims to reprint orticles, providins credit is given

to the AJTHoR, t/t"lR'S P0RSCIIE UBER ALlfS, ad provided c0pvrifit is rot in\oh€d, A

return 0f your ne,¡sletter is req.psted.

ùìe yeor sLbscriptirt price ls $10.m. All correspordence, contrihltitrls slnuld be sent

to offlce of prbllcotim, clo C,Olenyk, 6416 ESypt Volley Rd. NE, Rockford, MI 4931{1

1

F:=Ðf-lFl--H-

= ALLES@ @U-ËËRALLEs@JOHN LA-KOEveryone likes to see their name in print and their pixare even better. In addition, among our 100+ members,it would be a safe bet to say that there is a lot ofundiscovered common interests and shared experiences.So, UBER ALLES would like to start helping us aìl learnmore about one another. To do this, we need yourhelp. Please comp'lete this form with as much or as littleas you would like to volunteer. If you have a photoof you and your car, include it províding it js blackand white and sharp and clear.

Name:

Address:

Phone:

Spouse & family:Occupation:

Porsche

Model :

Year:

MÍ I age:

Col or:Major work done:

Other facts:Interest in club activities:

Other auto related interests:

Other general interests:

Plans for your Porsche this Year:

Events you are p'lanning to attend:

WANTED I

L973-1977 gLI cALL ME IF You

HAVE ONE YOU WANT TO SELL'

CALL: TOM AARDEMA

KALAMAZOO

381-3805

FOR SALE:

9lL pnnrs

TAIL LENS, RT ONLY, PRE-CRASH

BuMPER $15.00K & N ¡¡n FILTER Houslncs oNLY,

cARB oR mecH F.l, oHt-v $6.00 sEr

srrNGERs, 2.0 on 2.2 uten25,00 pn

FILTRONS FOR WEBERS OR HECH.

F. I ,, cot{ptere $35,00

KoNrs, 82n-1647 Fr, oNLY FoR

sne e 0. E,i{ , $40, 00 pn

914 pnnrs

KoNrs, 82r-I722, REAR, GooD.

coNDtrroN $40,00 Pn

ANsA EXHAUST sYsrEM/ 7975-76oNLY $15,00FTLTRoNs ron 914-6, coMPLETE

$35.00FRONÍ STOCK SWAY-BAR, COI'TPLETE

$45,00AM-FM STEREO, EXCELLENT CONDTTION

$50,00?cAR MASK, 1975-76 o¡uv 120.0C

185/70 x 15 Xþl( rIREs, ¡DEAL FoR

LocAL AUTocRossEs, rtr 911 nuo

91II-4 FREE

ANY AND ALL OFFERS CONSIDERED,

DoN'T BE sHY. wE Do tr BY

VOLUMN.

CALL: UNCLE FRANK

616/245-6666 pRvs or¡tv

231

FOR SALE I

1972 BIll 2002, wx¡re wIrH NAvY

INTERIOR, LOWERED, SUNROOF,

NEw PAINT ¡ulv 1981, NErt ENGINE

30,000 MILEs AGo, NEtr BRAKES

4,000 Ntles AGo, GooD, srRoNG

RUNNER, NEVER DRIVEN sY,LAnnY ,

GROVER HONEST/ NEVER RACED HONEST.

ïhnr ro BUY PoRscHE oR I wouLD

NEVER SELL,

CALL: J¡HET U¡¡EOOH

245-0981 oR Ar HoRK 957-0600.

FOR SALE!

1975 91rl 2.oLrTER, RED, NEWLY

RESToRED, P3's, HEw cLUTcH,

MUFFLER. Jusl t¡ttEo, BEAUTIFUL

AND oNLY 54,000 t4ILEs, A sUPER

CLEAN cAR, 37500.

CALL: TOM AARDEMA

K¡t.ntlnzoo381-3805

FOR SALE:

914 pnnrs

1.7 He¡r ExcHANGER (PnsseneEn

stoe), EXcELLENT coNDlrIoN $90'00

22um rnonr roRsIoN snns $10C Pn

BTLsTIEN rRont srRuts (ttot

¡Hsenrs) - RAcING u¡rtrs $200 Pn

PANAsPoRT 15 x7 wHEELS - No

NIcKs oR DINGs $400/ser

BILSTIEN REAR SPORT SHOCKS

$100 pn

LOTS OF BRAKE¿ SUSPENSION'

INTERIORJ TRIM PARTS -TALK TO ME ABOUT A PACKAGE

DEAL.

CALL: BOB SHEDD

(616) 2q3-2109

@ ]<LAsslnEcl @

KLASSIFIED IS A FREE SERVICE TO

ALL PCA I4EÎ'IBTRS, ALL ADVERTISE-

]'|ENÏS I{ILL RUN FOR T}'lO Í'IONTHS.

FOR SALE:

1973 914 1.7 n¡nr BLUE, NEtt

fIREs, IN sroRAGE, $5,000,00OR BEST OFFER

CALL: ItR. PETERSON

2399 rnou-vlEtr s.w.WYOMING, MICHIGAN

532-6q47 DAYS, EVENINGS

FOR SALEI

1969 911T couPE, suReuNov/

BLAcK, lsr rr cuss 1981PARADE coNcouRs (a suRe tr¡NNER

READY FoR 1983 panmeÍ) 5

SPEED, KoNts, ntloYs, 5 xEw

)(lfi's, BLAUPUNKI, uNGo Box.oRIGINAL INSIDE & oUT, DETAIL

PHOTOS AVAILABLE. I4UST SELL.

DELIVERY IN ENCLOSED TRA¡LER

CAN BE ARRANGED.

CALL¡ BARRY E, GIBBS

2/50 ruonrnaven,su¡re 207

DALLAs/ rx 75229QIq)24I-2002ßI7)430-35t+3

FOR SALE

JUDY cuLL's 914 2.0 LIIER IsOFFERED FOR SALE FOR A SUM OF

$7500.00. "cANDY" Is "Box srocK"BAHIA RED IN COLOR AND HAS

q0,000 oRTGINAL r''uLEs oN HER

ODOMETER,

CALLi JUDY CULL

t+52-0787

ALLES@FOR SALE]

HoNDA AccoRD r-x - 1978 5-sPEeP,

HATCHBACK. A¡R, POWER STEERING,

STEREO. RUSTY JONES RUST PROOFED.

LIKE NEW. NEVER AUTOCROSSED

gonesrl LARRY GRovER HAs NEVER

DRTvEN THE cAR, HoHesrl $q,950'00PHoNEf 219-362-3925 o¡n

FOR SALE:

1974 911 cARRERA couPE,

911 4¡100263 sPEctAL BLAcK

PAINT, SUNROOF, LEATHER SEATS,

KONI SHOCKS, EXCELLENT CONDIT¡ON

ORIGINAL OY'INER. STORED WINTERS

$19,995cALL: JEnnv (stl¡e) roLx

408 w. 25rx srneerHoLLAND, MIcH. 49423

676/392-2238

' FoR SALE ¡

wHEEL - 9II/9L2/9I2e/356c l5-sott92U944, roun 5L x 14 rncronvFoRGED ALLoYs 911.361,016.10.AS NEw coND¡TtoN (rRom concouns76 9I2ù ltlrH MouNrED GooDYEAR

lrrNcFoor NCTs - 195/70 w¡rx 60ÍTREAD. ï525, wtLL sEPARATE -wHEELs $150, r¡nes $185, BUYER

PAYS sHIPPTNG. nlso, (1)

6 x 16 FoRGED ALLoY,

911.361,020.43, sRRHo rEw $125.

CALLr cRAIG wtLLIAMS

213 wesrgnoor on.sPRINGFIELD, ttt, 62702277-787-7876 (¡-ve)

Please fill inword(s).

the blank with the most appropriate

If there were no such things as Prosches, I wouldown a

My Porsche comes before my

I am always embarassed when Iin my porsche.

After driving my porsche, I always

At 55 MPH, my Porsche is just about to

The perfect vanity plate for my Porsche would be

My says that my Porsche is too

The most ideal accessory for my Porsche would be

Compared to my everyday car, my Porsche feels like

My Porsche js clearner than my

I do not allow any in my Porsche.

If I could have any model Porsche, my choice wouldbe

Most memorable Porsche experience:

Please return this form to UBER ALLESby June

.l5. A compìete list of all l^lMR members willbe published in the August Uber Alles and this infor-mation will supp'lement what we have already fromyour membership appl ication.

-

30 3

-@ ALLES@ @UHËËIALLES@

JANETPIJSHEtrIS

PEFIS¡OI\IALITIES

0ur membership meetings th'islast month were a greatersuccess than I thought possi-ble. tle had a great turn-out for both the Kalamazooand Grand Rapids meetings andhave already gotten four newmembers because of them. Iam also expecting to hearfrom a few more attendeesthat were interested in thecl ub.

New from Kalamazoo:

Bruce and Chris Dillon8ì 05 l{ayì eeKalamazoo, Michigan 49002323-3305

Bruce and Chris drive a 1966red 9.l2 coupe. They areinterested in social activi-ties, rallyíng, speed events,tours and driver's schools.They al so are the proud ownersof a 1953 356 and a 1973 914.tJe hope to see them bring oneof these three out for thenext event.

4

rc^/t

Joe and Debbie Riley6.13 SanwoodBattle Creek, Michigan 4901s968-4421

Joe and Debbie drive a l97lwhite 911T coupe. They havealso owned a .1968 glll.Their interests are speedevents, driver's schools andtech sessi ons. t^le hope thatyou can make it out to one ofthis summer's events.

From Grand Rapids:

Thomas Pletcher6105 Lakeshore DriveMontague, Michigan 49437894-4590

Tom drives a .1959 white 3564coupe. He is interested insocial activitjeso ra'llying,speed events and tours. Hehas previously owned a 1954356 coupe, and has irwned aPorsche since 1957. So howcome we never met you before?I^le'|l, we hope that at leastwe wíll see a lot of you now.

Traverse City Tour - JanetLandgon: Three confirmationsso far. Meeting place willbe decided once more confirmationare recei ved. The pl ace w'i I Ibe as convenient as possible forthe participants.May Drìver's School - Frankt^lagner: Chuck 01enyk i s tech.chairman. Phil Cull is cornerworker chairman. Peggy Riddleis handl ing pre-registration.Janet Langdon and Marcy Thiemewjll be working the gate.Regi strat'ions have a1 readystarted to come in. Adecent turnout is expected.Instructors who do not drivetheir own cars will not haveto pay registration fees.Mercedes Benz Nat'ional Meet -Gary Peterty'l : hle have con-firmed to the MB Club that wewill cooperate. They wantFriday practice timing, somore volunteers are needed.

June Event - Craig Paulì:Still trying to finalize.A rally is the alternativeto an autocross. A gimmickstyle gymkana in the Waylandarea is the first choice.This would be a famíly event.Renting the go-cart track inthe tlayìand area would be apossible companion event.No event chairperson hasbeen selected yet. The dateis still June 19.

Elkhart Lake Memorial Day:Registration now open. Runoff 1982 PCRs.

29

Michigan Indiana Region:Possible conflict with ourTraverse City tour and theiranniversary event.I.R.0.C. - Bilì Moses:Question has come up from otherregÍons as to why we don'tuse Grattan as a competítiveevent. Frank trlagner answersthat it is more õt a rreaàãcñewith more organization andmore expense. l,lMR justdoesn't have the resourcesto do it successfully.

n\l

êvorybody eats tharef4 Locations

440 Bridge, N.W.10OO Michigan, N.E.449 Bridge. N.W.602 Leonard, N.W.

PRESENT ÎHIS AD F'ORA FREE HOT DOGI

Meeting adjourned at 8:49 p.M.

tG)PcIFts¡cHE Pc¡ssE @ ALLEs@Minutes of April 6, 1983Board Meeting, l,JesternMichigan Region, PorscheClub of America, he'ld atthe hleersma's 2325 Co'l1ing-wood S.E., I'lyoming, MI.Recorded on audio tapecassette and transcribedby the absent John Lacko.

Present: ClassifiedMinutes of Last Meeting:Accepted as pub'lished inUBER ALLES.

Treasurer's Report:Chuck 0lenyk: A graph ofcash balance on a month bymonth basis. This pro-jection was based on sixof our eleven events thisyear will be break-even on expenses. Eventsin March, May, June, and0ctober have been or willbe profitable for t'lMR.Projectíon was based uponhistorical data fromprevious years events.UBER ALLES should cost$1300 this year. Porschern-porium should not costanything. At present,l^lMR has $421 in our generalchecking account right now.This figure doesn't includePorschemporíum funds.l,le started the year with $1500in cash. The projectionshows that we have bottomedout thís month. Fundsreceivable include adverti-s'ing revenue, national rebate,and the deposit from the GR

membership meeting. In responseto a question, Frank Wagnerstated that Grattan events arepayable at the end of the event.The trophies for Holiday onþJheeìs are one prepaid eventexpense. A genera'l discussionof the importance of trophiesfol I owed.

Porschempori um Report :

Chuck 0'lenyk: Based on figuressupp'lied by Lacko; Total Costof Inventory $483.54, checkingaccount balance $237.65, cash onhand $47.00.Membership Report:Janet Langdon: March member-ship meetings $rere successful.tJe have four confirmed newmembers and expect to hearfrom at least three more.Presentìy, Ì¡JMR has l0l members.

-

Usual'ly over the l,linter, welose some members who don'trenew.

Uber Alles Report:Chuck 0lenyk: Two newadvertisers will be in thenext issue who did not makethe April issue. In addition,the l,lai te' s frame shop wi I I beadvertising starting next month.Total advertising revee for thisyear up to approximately $ZSO.

National News - Craig Paull:No news from National.Membership Meetings -Craig Paull: KalamazooMembership Meeting and GrandRapids Membership Meeting bothhad equal turnouts.

Joe and Jerri Gee

7321 White Lot 64l:luskegon , Mi chi gan788-5028

49442

Joe and Jerri drive a l97lblue 914 (previously owned byChuck and Lynne 0lenyk), andit is the first Porsche theyhave owned. They are inter-ested in rallying, speed events,driver's school s, concours,tours, social activities,tech sessions, and leadership.They are al so the proud parentsof three year old Joseph anda neu, baby boy, Justin (hewas just three weeks old atthe time of the membershipmeeting). We hope to seethe whole fami'ly out soon.

Porsche Club Anniversaries

Gene Gibelyou

Jim and Kathy Karholis

Larry and Lisa MillerDave Kramer

Randy and LuAnn ParrottJemy and Teri Knapp

Bob Shedd

I year

2 years

4 years

5 years

5 years'10 years

l0 years

5

=

BRilNN'g¡T SHOUID COST MORE . . . .

BUT IT DOESNCOCKTAILS I DINNERSL.UNCHES T BANQUETS

= W€ HONOR ALL MA.tOn CREDIT CARDS =FOt t G.t. alEA locarloNg

sE MAÑ^GIUÉÑl

O JOHN BRAl{f{'S2053 DIVISION S

243-366r

O IIIKE & JOHNNY BRAÍ{N'SET LTONARD NW

r5+9368O TOI{fÚY ERANN'S

4l5t DrvrsroN s.5:!r-5421

@ BRANN'S Of{ AtPIilE50@ ALHilE ilW784-2100

n x[aM^zoo - vlslTaRAS'S STEAX & SEAfOæ

536 S. nIVERVIEW - PAßCtf¡¡

WE CUT OUR OWN MEAT

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28

=

P.EI.B.¡sPRODUCTION DEPARTMENT OUOTATIONS

H-EK OLENYK!'lill it sell in [email protected] with an extra $21,800in disposab'le income, that is.That's where Chevrolet officialìyhas pegged the base price ofits new fiberglass roadwarrior. It'll probably sell,whether Peoria approves ornot.Source: Autoweek, April ll, 1983

German Saab StoryWell, the Germans have done itaga'i n . For the th i rd stra i ghtyear, readers of the topWest German automotivemagazine, Auto Motor undSport, chose the Saab 900as the "best imported car inGermany under 2,500cc. "The Swedes al so captured thenumber-two spot with theVolvo 244 furbo, whilethird p'lace went to theFrench Citroen CX GTI.Source: Autoweek, April ll,I 983.

Taq Turbo UnveiledSeventeen months agothere was but an idea anda clean sheet of paper.Today there is the TTE-POl (it sounds like some-thjng out of Star l^Jars,but stands for TAG TurboEng'ines-Porsche No. 0l ) 6

ALLES@

Formula I engine has beenbench-tested al ready(devel op'i ng approximate'ly600 bhpl) and awaits install-ation in a McLaren chassis.

It has taken just under ayear and a half for Porscheto conceive and bench testa turbo engine specìficallydesigned for Grand Prixracing. The German manufac-turer has always been knownfor its great achievements,but everyone's hat is off tothis latest feat. 0fficiaì'lyannounced during a pressconference at the InternationalGeneva Motor Show, the TAG-backed Porsche V-6 is anextreme'ly wel I -des j gned uni t,weighing in a 150k9, alli ncl uded.

At present the engine is beingbench tested with an electronicinjection system for bothrel iabi'lity and compatibil ity.0n March 28 the eng'ine will bemountged in a MarlboroMclaren ¡4P4/ID which isplanned to run through4000 miles of private testsat the Porsche developmenttrack in t^J'iessach. Follow-ing that, an all newMclaren l4P4/2 will be ready toreceive the TAG engine which

}/'HIGH ZECH-.,IARADIALS å

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ln Peúonance. Prc¡u, ptedictoble l,ondling-ullra.

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AdvantageTlA Radict TlA70160

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ASK ABOUT OUR DISCOUNT TO r,.lMR/PCAeT,s

= ALLES@The last type if the best.For automotive use, it isusually filled with halon, agas specifical ly compoundedfor the types of fires thatoccur in automobiles and air-craft. It is an inert gas,heavier than air. It simp'lydisplaces the oxygen necessaryfor burning and puts out thefire. Since it is inert, ie.it does not react with othercompounds, it does no damageat all to the materials onwhich it is used, even if usedon an interior.

Porsche's factory built racershave halon systems builtinto the cars. The frametubing has built-in paths whichdirect the halon from a centraltank to all fire hazard areasof the car. This approachhel ps I ower the morta'l i tyrate of the cars and drivers.Other advantages of the halontype are i ts ' 'l i ghter wei ghtand more compact dimensions.

The better halon units alsohave an infinite shelf life,they do not require periodicrecharges or checking.

hlhere do you get the halonunits? You might have aìreadyguessed that Stoddard sel I sthem. His is a model he

Niki Lauda will drive inGrands Prjx. A productionbatch of around l5 enginesis planned, but no exactfigure was mentioned byPorsche personnel -- nor wasa specific race destinedfor the McLaren-Porscheto make its debut. Itsdebut will depend uponthe success of thetesting program.Source: 0n Track,

Apriì 7, 1983

It Never Looked That Goodilefoiè It Was Stolen TheManhattan la'uJYer fi rs tdoubted his sanitY. His blueBMW, which he usuallY keePsout of town, was gone when he

returned to the Park Avenuespace in the 60's where, hewas sure, he had parked itovern i ght.

feels isand rel iuse. Itchemi calabout $lof varyiavai I abl

most convenientable for automotivece

)g

5n

osts around $60 (dryxtinguishers are. Other model spackaging are

nt part is havingsher and havingll not in itselfe. Because if youuy with the littleunhappy when it

hink how you'd feel

e from other sources.

The importaan extinguione that wicause damagthink thePontiac waburnt up,Íf your pin smoke.

ride and joy went up

(Reprinted from the April.l983 issue of the KansasCÍty Region' s Newsletter,Der Sportwagon. )

g

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7

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26

ALLES¡@Thehadnj ustcos tyear

police said his car't been towed ah,ay -stolen, probably. It$7,000 in 1976, the lastthe 2002 model was made.

During 12 days of alternateanger and resignation, thelawyer thought about theblack market in strippedcar parts, worth more totheives than the car itself.Then the poìice called.Picking up two men for anothercar theft, they had recoveredthe BMW.

He didn't recognize it. Itwas still blue, but it hadbeen waxed and the tanínterior was now black. Ithad expensjve racing seats,wíre wheels, a fancysteering wheel , fog l'ights anda "much better" radio."Hoh, can I swear it'smjne?" he thought, wjthlicense plates and regfstra-tion card also different.

But his key fit. He has hiscar back with an est'imated$2,000 to $3,000 in "improve-ments" (stolen, perhaps, fromsomeone else?) "They seem tohave done a nice job,"the lav'Jyer said. "Another weekand I might have had a sun roof."Source: The New York Times,November

.l2, 1982.

=

P.EI.B.¡sPRODUCTION DEPARTMENT OUOTATIONS

H-EK OLENYK!'lill it sell in [email protected] with an extra $21,800in disposab'le income, that is.That's where Chevrolet officialìyhas pegged the base price ofits new fiberglass roadwarrior. It'll probably sell,whether Peoria approves ornot.Source: Autoweek, April ll, 1983

German Saab StoryWell, the Germans have done itaga'i n . For the th i rd stra i ghtyear, readers of the topWest German automotivemagazine, Auto Motor undSport, chose the Saab 900as the "best imported car inGermany under 2,500cc. "The Swedes al so captured thenumber-two spot with theVolvo 244 furbo, whilethird p'lace went to theFrench Citroen CX GTI.Source: Autoweek, April ll,I 983.

Taq Turbo UnveiledSeventeen months agothere was but an idea anda clean sheet of paper.Today there is the TTE-POl (it sounds like some-thjng out of Star l^Jars,but stands for TAG TurboEng'ines-Porsche No. 0l ) 6

ALLES@

Formula I engine has beenbench-tested al ready(devel op'i ng approximate'ly600 bhpl) and awaits install-ation in a McLaren chassis.

It has taken just under ayear and a half for Porscheto conceive and bench testa turbo engine specìficallydesigned for Grand Prixracing. The German manufac-turer has always been knownfor its great achievements,but everyone's hat is off tothis latest feat. 0fficiaì'lyannounced during a pressconference at the InternationalGeneva Motor Show, the TAG-backed Porsche V-6 is anextreme'ly wel I -des j gned uni t,weighing in a 150k9, alli ncl uded.

At present the engine is beingbench tested with an electronicinjection system for bothrel iabi'lity and compatibil ity.0n March 28 the eng'ine will bemountged in a MarlboroMclaren ¡4P4/ID which isplanned to run through4000 miles of private testsat the Porsche developmenttrack in t^J'iessach. Follow-ing that, an all newMclaren l4P4/2 will be ready toreceive the TAG engine which

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the main course, the movie"Rendezvous". I wish I coulddescribe it proper'ly to thoseof you who didn't see it.Unfortunately, I can't do itjustice, so I won't even try.If you did see 'it, you know whatI mean. There was an encoreshowing at both meetings bypopular demand.

At the G. R. gathering, therewas a special addit'ion.Galìery 28 in Grand Rapidsdonated a beautiful poster(no folks--not one of the racingones, but a Porsche posternonthel ess ) . l^le deci ded to

give it away as a door prize,and Lynne 0lenyk was the def ightedlwinner. I should mention herethat this arrangement wasfacilitated by long-time membersJerry and Terry Knapp.

Finally, there was the mainstayof every PCA event, just plainta'lking about our favoriteautomotive past time. l^lhile youwouldn't have known 'it by theweather, everyone there knewit was almost spring, and thep'lanning was obviously beingdiscussed in earnest. All inall, it was a great way tosw'ing 'into spri ng.

FRANK \A/AGNEtr

Safety in motoring has beenan issue in recent years.Both the vehicle manufacturersthe government and PorscheClub of America have beenpushing the topìc. Yetmany of the P.C.A. regionsand members I've met over theyears have had that thoughtfor much 'longer then the feds.You notice this at most ofthe high speed autocrossesyou can attend throughoutthe M'idwest.

Nord Stern Reg'ion not onlyrequires seatbelts, helmets,but also on-board, mountedfire extjngishers in eachautocross vehi cl e. t^lestcoast autocross vehiclesmust be equipped with rollbars, if theh have removabletops. tlhen you attend thePorsche Parade you must weara cotton, l ong sl eeved sh'irtand big boy pants, if youdrive the autocross.

ALI*ES@ ALLES@

The car clubs will never tellthe factory that the standardseatbelt systems leavesomething to be desired.Not jf they want to keepgood relations with theirmarque. Yet stock belts canbe uncomfortabl e, hard torelease, and at the wrongtìme, unreeling. They aiedesigned with simpl icityfor the average driver,commuting to work each day.

Lights are also coming up fordjscussion several years agoquartz iodine (0. t. ¡ headl ightsand driving/fog lights werea no-no. Today even U.S. carmakers are providing sealbeam type t^l.I. headlìghts insome of their cars. A stepin the right direction finally.Over the years I've been involvedwith foreign and domestjcsports cars, I've tried manya product. Most have providedbetter performance than thestock equipment ìt replaced.Any car I planned to keepfor awhile would get the treat-ment. Q.I. headlights, 3"lap competition type belts,Halon fire extinguisher, andusual'ly some type of paddedsteering wheel or steeringwheel cover. Natural 1y the carwould receive the usual checkon steering rack (box),ti res , brakes , and suspens'ion .

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AUTOMOTIVE ARTPORSCHE AND OTHER AUTOMOTIVE POSTERS

DOWNTOWN.OTTAWA AT PEARL.454-4544

UPTOW¡{ CEAND 9

@uËilËTRALLEs¡@ G) ÉvENT ffir@Safety equipment that startsat the autocross level carriesover to the street. Competitionseatbelt harnesses hold yourseat, in your seat, even upsidedown. Padded steering wheelsnot only I imi t s'l i ppi ng ofyour hands, but actua'lìyprovìde some cushion on impact.0n board Halon fire extinguishersprovide extra protection forthose unexpected fuel 'injectionor a'ir filter fires. Fuelinject'ion systems have 30 poundsper square inch pressure intheir fuel lines. Many a 914owner now carry extinguishersin their cars. Halon won'tdamage the expensive metalsthat most of our engines arebuilt with. Improved light-ing speaks for itself, especia'lly'in rural areas. The addit'ionalfootage of extra 'light oftenmeans the dífference between

a deer in the trunk, or on 'it.(0r hoodn whichever the casemay be).In my opinion it boilsdown to, what is my vehicle,or physical well beingworth? The price of aset of headlights andseatbelts win out every-t'ime.

NOTE: Michigan is the onlystate in the Union thatfeels Halon is unsafe.If three people are in anenclosed,Sxl0footroom, with absolutelyno ventilation, and a2'¿ 1bs. Hal on exti ngui sher'i s used compl eteìy, i tcan be hazardous to yourhealth. Most enginefires we've seen however,are not in that type ofsi tuati on.

JOHN LAÍ:KO

General Membership Meetings

To help us a1l get set forspring, we brought back oneof the popular events fromthe past, general membersh'iPmeetings. There is a dualpurpose behind such an event-- first, to promote the clubto new prospects, and second,to get the existing membershiPtogether for a soc'ial event.t^le did introduce one change forthis year, however, and thatwas two meetings. The firstwas held in Kalamazoo on March17, and the second was held inGrand Rapids on March 19.

I am pleased'to report that wesucceeded at both sides ofthese meetjngs, and had agood time while we were atit. To promote the meetingsto prospective members, weused public service announce-ments. The legwork for these

was provided courtesy of JohnLacko and Gary Peterty'l .

They must have worked, aswe figure that IJMR will gainsix (0) new members as a resultIn addition, of course, therewas the turn-out of existingmembers. (I will note herethat attendance was the samein Grand Rap'ids as Kalamazoo).In fact, some people liked itenough on Thursday to berepeats on Saturday.

To serve as an introduction toPCA 'in general and I^JMR

specìfically, we had a slideshow that demonstrated thevarious facets of l'ife as aPCA member. My thanks to BobShedd and Chuck 0lenyk for sl'idrdonations that helped lendthe desired atmosphere andexplanation. After this briefinterlude, we then served up

õ

8yþpoinlment942-92462347 28rh S.E.

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=@ ALLES@ @ ALLES@Change the terms of references'lightly -- imagineChevrolet petitioning forrelief in Corvette sa1es,forinstance, agai nst Porsches944's -- and the degree ofour involvement becomesobvi ous .

(An ironjc footnote is thatHarley also is hooked up wìthPorsche Engineering inGermany to develop a new linecf cycles calIed "Nova."These models would retain thefamiI iar Iong'itudinaì -Vengine configuration Harleyhas used from i ts beg'inn'ingbut could use water coo'ling andprobably overhead cams. )

This feature is based on thearticles by Steve Thompsonand Jake Kelderman appearingin the April llth and 25thissues of Autoweek.

ST0CK (N0 improvements/ Care to join me? Rules are below:modi fi cati ons )

PRTPARED (equjva]ent to race STREET PREPARED CATEGoRY

car allowed preparations) A vehicle may compete in srRtET

MODIFIED (beyond prepared specs,. pREpARtD CATÉGORY'if the prepara_open wheel cars or specials) tion of the vehicle has not'

scll.cl trBILL MOSES

Historically SCCA has had 3cl asses :

After a year trial period theyhave added STREET PREPARED.

This class goes FAR beyondour PCR Improved cl ass, butdoes give us a place to drivePorsches against non-Porschesprepared against the same rules.

I personally am go'ing to havea go at STREET PREPARED byadding bumpers, top.streetexhaust and DOT tires.

s I:sdc(

(I

-+---

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Want to see what all theexcitement is about?AUTOWEEK is one of thefastest growing magazinesaround and there's manygood reasons: weekly, timely,and broad based. It's the onlyweeklyjournal that covers allthe motorsports events, plusclassic cars, concours eventsrpersonality profiles and lotsmore. What makes it evenmore desirable is the price -30 issues for $13.20.

Ætfp/lffæk7ORTSHSTREET . CH|CAGO, t160611 . (312)ô49-5223

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22 11

= ALLES@ @uËtËnALLEs¡@exceeded the allowable modifica-tions of ST0CK CATEGORY, exceptas specified below. However,the distinction between differ-ent years/models used in STOCKCATEGORY does not apply ÍnSTREET PREPARED CATEGORY.

Example: All Porsche 9llmodels that are in the sameclass are considered the same,as are all Corvette Stingrays.

A. Authorized Modifications

STREET PREPARED vehiclesmay onìy be modified inexcess of ST0CK CATEGORY

rules in the following ways.Any modification not speci-fical'ly authorized by theSTOCK CATEG0RY or STRETTPREPARED rules is prohibited.No unauthorized modificationsare permitted in order toaccommodate authori zedmodifications ('i.e. - non-stock hood scoops or holesnecessary for carburetorcl earance. )

Al I al lowable modificationspermitted in ST0CK CATEGORY.

2.Equipment and/or specifica-tions may be exchanged betweendifferent years and modelsof a vehicle if (a) theitem is standard on theyear/model from which itwas taken, (b) the years/

models have essentially thesame body/chassis, (c) theyears/models are in theclass. If exchanged equip-ment makes the vehicle intoanother category vehjclewhjch competes in anothercl ass , the vehi cl wi'l I competein the other class

3.Engìnes must have standardspecifications for valvetimìng and stroke, butmay have any oil pay (Accusumptype systems allowed), oilpump and pickup, oi1 coolers,oil or fuel filters.4.Any ignition system may beused.

5.Air cleaner may be changedor removed, velocitystacks may be added;emission control devicesmay be modjfied or removed;carburetor adjustments andjetting may be changed.The replacement of thecarburetor(s) and necessaryintake manifold is permitted0n vehicles with fuel injec-tion, the richness controlsmay be adjusted outsidefactory specs; fuel linesand pumps may be changed,added, deleted, removed,relocated, or replaced as

To the commissioners, ìt madesense. To a canny enthusiast,jt does not. Har'ley argued thatthe buyers for imports and itsown bikes were the same.Can this be so? Any famil iaritywith the moto-world suggests notTo buy a Ferrari 308-GTS is tosay something substantiallydifferent about oneself fromthat which one would say bybuying a Corvette. An yet tothe ITC, these cars are"essentially identical and- djrectly competitive," as1re, according to its rules,larley tJide Glides and KawasakiGPz ì100s. l^li th nothing" more than a nodding acquaint-ance with the true H-D

- fanatic, the notion becomesabsurd. The importerstried to argue exact'ly that,say'ing that Harley owned aunique and unduplicatableimage and speci al 'ized

clientele, but the ITCthought not. It is anamusing it unproductivethought to picturecommj ss'ioners suggesti ngto a Fat Bob rider that hismachine is identical to a

Suzuki Kantana, and he,therefore, more or lessidentical to a Suzukirider. To say that hewould not appreciate iti s serious'ly to underesti -mate the power of the Harley-Davidson myst'ique amoungits faithful

2112

But if the stiff tariff ofTA-201-47 wil I not hel pHar'ley and wjll not deterimport buyers, what willjt do? Sad'ly, too much.It will further convincemotorcycl ists who mightbe wil'ling to give Harley'supcoming "new-generati on"machines a chance that thecompany is the jingoistredneck that its criticsproclaim it to be, and soslow the machines'acceptance by the high-performance communi ty.And 'it wi I I el imi natesome statisticallyunimportant but emotional ìyvital European machinery fromthe marketplace.

By far the most serious resultof TA-201-47 could well beits value as a precedent.The commj ssioners consideringHarley's petitfon did nothesitate to use previousru'lings as guides, and so,if this ruling is accepted,subsequent ITC people canbe expected to apply itsapparent logic to future issuesinvolving the rarefjed worldof the enthusiast. The ITCaìready has said -- with TA-201-44 that any passenger caris like any other passengercar. l^lith this ruling, itsimi lar'ly erases the I inesbetween bi g motorcyc'l es ,lines so clear to enthusiastsand so dim to regulators.

,@l NAT¡otvAL t\tE\rvs¡ @)

Harley-Davidsonvs. the world

International Trade Commis-sion Tariff TA-201 -47 isentitled "HeavyweightMotorcycles, and Engines andPower Train Subassembl iesTherefor" and is the resultof a petition by Harley-Davi dson Motor Co . for " rel 'ief "from import competition.

long as they do notpose a safety hazard.The addition of superchargersor turbochargers is prohìbjted6.Exhaust manifolds andmuffler systems are free,except that they must bequiet and terminate behindthe driver.7.Any c'lutch or f'lywhee'l thatuses the standard attach-ment to the crankshartmay be used; dowel pinsmav be added.oo.Engine fan may be removed,rep'l aced, or madi f i ed.

9.

0n two-cycìe engines, theports must be of standardheights, size and configu-ration; crankcase volumnand reed p1 ates must notbe al tered..l0.

Suspension springs maybe changed provided theyare the same type asorigina'l (coi I , 'leaf

,torsion bar, etc. )and use the o/igina'lattachment points. Rideheight may be alteredonly by modifying thesprings, by using lower-ing bìocks between leafsprings and the orig'ina1attachment points to theaxle, or by conventionalwheel a1 ignment.

1.l. Suspension bushings maybe replaced with bushingsof any materiál (exceptmetal) as long as they fitthe original locatjon.Offset bushÍngs may beused.

12. Anti-sway bars, tractionbars, panhard rods, orother auxiliary axlelocating devices maybe used.

13. Aerodynamic devicesare permìtted.

14. Any brake line, single ordual master cylinder,brake proportioningvalve may be used.Safety breakers areal I owed.

15. Wheels are free. AnyD.0.T. - Approved tireis permitted.

16. Fenders may be modifiedfor tire clearence andflairs added, but arenot requìred.

17. Limited sìip differentialsare permitted.

'lB. Any fully padded andupho'lstered seat maybe used. Any steeringwheel may be used.

ALLES¡@

0n April Znd, PresidentReagan approved tariff TA-201-47 and imported motor-cyc'les di sp'laci ng more than700cc will face immediatetari ff hi kes , wh'ich wi I Irema'in in force for fiveyears. They will startat 45 percent in the fjrstyear, and then taper off to'10 percent jn the final year.This is, says the commission,necessary to give Har'ley-Davidson tjme to comp'leteits "modernization" program,a program which H-D claimswill se several key newmodels introduced, as wellas new factories crankedup. 0n the face of it,this seems an understandableand reasonable action.

Harley-Davidson has beenmaking miscalculations sincel,rlorld l^lar II, trying manyunsuccessful strateg'ies tocombat its imported rivals,which came first from EuroPe

in the early 1950s and, 1atelyfrom Japan. l^lhen the Japanesetook notice of the H-D cruisermarket, and then began buildingmachines to enter it, Harley'slast bastjon was threatened;havi ng 'l

market t1 960s, tmarket t

ostothenot

first the "sporting"he British in thethe "touring"

he turn-keytourers from Japan (andAmerican-built versions ofJapanese bikes), and now tohave vee-engined cruisersstealing customers was thelast blow.

To wit: The enthus'iast markethas been saying that H-Ddoesn't build what jt wants,and Japan, Inc. has beenbuilding it. As a result,buyers have voted with theirwallets - and Harley lost.The result was petition.

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TECHNICALFRED SCHROEDER

I had to do a little researchto be able to respond toJim's request in the lastDER SP0RThIAGEN. My knowledgeof fire extinguishers waslimited to a vague awarenessthat there were several typesand that the most readilyavailable was 'likely to dograve damage to a Porscheeng i ne.

So I called a couple of peopìewho are Porsche experts.This artÍcle is based oninformation I obtained in aconversation with ChuckStoddard.

TÌrlk about Saab's front-wheel drive, four-wheeldisc brakes, fuel-injected engine, Pirelli radials,15-inch wheels and orthopedically designed, elec-trically heated seat, and no one will ever guess thatit's also got an acceleration of 0-60 in 9.7 seconds.

That is, unless they're SAABdriving in the next lane. rn".or tcarawbuitt.

There are four basic typesof fire extinguishers: oliquid, dry chemical, C0",and inert gas.

KEEhIAN CARCO$nB The Professional's Car

3340 S. Division, Grand BapidsPh.616-241-5623

Liquid extinguishers arenot very common, thoughas they once were. Thereis good reason for thejrcurrent scarcity - theyare most often based oncarbon tetrachloride,a toxic substance.

The most common and cheapesttype of extinguisher is thedry chemical. This type isavailable in many stores:discount stores, auto partsstores, hardware stores.

I

25

ALLES@It is also commonly availablein sizes appropriate toautomotive use.

The prob'lem with the drychemical type of extinguisheris the damage the chemicalscan do to light meta'l castingsand pìastics. If you carryone of these in your Porsche,you are going to be moreprotected than without anextÌnguisher, but you may ruinan engine to save the restof your car. People who haveused them on thei r Porscheshave real horror stories totel I . Mel ted fan shrouds,disolved or coated castings,ruined wiring and plasticpi eces .

The danger from dry chemicalextinguishers is not only frompurchasing one. If youshould suffer a fire and callthe fi re department or haveone occur in a fiì'lingstation, this is likely to bethe type used on your car.

The C02 fire extinguisher hasa lot to recommend it. Itis safe. It doesn't damagep'lastics or metals and itefficiently puts out firesby robbing them of oxygen.

However, the 5 lb. charge necessary to put out an engine firerequires a bu'lky 20 lb.conta'iner which must bechecked and recharged period-ical ly.

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and the need for protectiveclothing. Moments after I gotmy nerve up to try the welderout for the second time, themessage came home. I squeezedthe old trigger and exitedonce again from the bowels ofthe Red Tub at breakneck sPeed.Ragged b'lue jeans full of moltenBBs was akin to someone shoot-ing a hornets' next under one'sdress. If I wore a dress,which I don't. (But I can'tthink of a better metaphor. )I would have been better off,because by the tjme the BBs

burned through my ieans and skinthey were still lot but not hotenoúgh to burn tl-eir way bacR--out when I rolled over.

To continue, I created beautifulstalagtites in steel, warPeda few pane'l s ( tfris can ' t happenaccording to the boõkfãndburned everything imaginablethat was flammable. Thecrowning blow came, whenanswering Mother Nature'sCa]l. t^lhen I dive into aproject, I usually push on- ignoring everything,including Mother Nature'ssubtle call until I absolutelyhave to make a break for thelittle boys' room. I am

usually a "filthy" mess andmarriage is tenuous, at bestat this point, when it concernsmy mistress in the garage, sotrips through the house arekept to a minimum.

ALLES@ ALLES@0n a particularly bittercold day (no heat in mygarage) Mother Nature was

"screaming" that the old tankwas full and the kidneYs wereabout to back fire. So

I beat a hasty retreat tothe place where all majordecisions are reached, onlYto discover that the ziPPerto my jump su'it was weldedshut! Ever see a front traPdoor in a set of bloomers?t^lell, my jump-suit has apermanent one now.

I can tell with some authoritYon the do's and don'ts of MIG

we'lding. I'm a bon-a-fideexpert on the don'ts and someday I mìght be one of the do's,-.toó. (blear pants w'i th buttons ! )

As a f inal note to th'i s l 'ittl etale, I would like to let Youknow what happens to a bodYwith those handy littletools used to grind Yourwelds smooth.

A fan blade broke loose andimbedded itself in my leg.Before I passed out, Icursed Monkey t'lards in twolanguages. I went out andpurchased a neat "new"little grìnder. First timeout of the box, I found outwhat happens when a little4r, inch grinding d'ish turning10,000 RPMs accidentìy comesinto contact with an o1d Pa'ir

APO CHE TO R Ef{

BY BOB STONEROCK

For those of you who don'tknow about me and my 356,I'l I give you a quick synops'isof the events leading upto the latest misadventure.

I gave up 91 I s and other formsof sanity in the pursu'it ofa dream I'd always had. Iwanted to restore and learnto majntain a 356. l.lhya 356? Fewer cylinders,no fuel injection, a'irboxes , tími ng cha'ins,etc., etc. l^Jell, I fina'llysecured a relatively "rustfree" 65 Coupe with apedigree equal to that ofthe classical "mutt" straydog.

Certain nameless individual s(nudy & Bamy) bo]stered myconfidence level to a 9.5+.That was prior to laying-onof the first wrench. Fromthe time the "Red Lady"entered the garage, it'sbeen all downhill. I keep

thjnking things have gotto better soon, but as You'

'l Isoon read, I'm still waitingfor the black clouds to lift.

Ì^lell, after dismantling thebeast down to her bareknickers and hand scraPingl0l pounds of undercoating,the telltale cancer came intosight. After a ljttlesurgery here and there, Ihad a tin can with a lotof holes in it. .020 metalbandages were fabricated tobutt-weld over all the gaPingwounds.

Now what do I do? I'venever welded anything th'is'large and the car can ' t bemoved! Ask for help?!? Whilewaiting for the cavalrY toarrive, it finally sunk in thatshort of divine he1P, theonly help I was gojng to getwould come from a book and mY

own two hands. Well, Iread a text on welding, con-sulted the various "gurus"and after a period of time,jumped with both feet andrented a MIG l,'lelder. (ffremistake was made the daY Ibought a 356.) I was well onmy way by this time, to beingcommitted anyway, so whatdid I have to lose?

lst problem. How do Iget this $1500 monster home?

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It was too big for my wagon andI couldn't find anyone in theClub with a pickup to savemy soul. For a small fee,the "sol utjon" wãi-Tînaì 1ydel ivered to my home.

I got home late the night theMIG was delivered, so it wasn'tuntil Friday evening that Iwas able to check 'it over. Yep,it was exactly as it had beendemonstrated for me at thewe'lding shop. But ---!There was this nretal safetycap on the top of the Argongas tank, into which thereguìator valve needed to beattached. This wasn't in thebook ! How do I get the capoff? I'm a doctor and I'msmart", I kept telIing mYselfand this js a simple matter,right? trJrong! l^lell, I walkedup to it and tried to unscrewthe cap. N0 WAY, JOSE! Itdidn't budge. There wereseveral peculiar lookingholes on the sides and Ifigured that this was likeeverything on my Porsche.Special Tool #71147WY, etc.,and you're in business. It'sFriday night and the weldingshop doesn't open untilMonday. So what do I donow? Thjs sucker is costingme $5 a day to rent! A

strong armed neighbor gaveup 20 mjnutes later.Thoroughly intimidated,

t6

ALLES@) ALLES¡@)we retreated to my bar toreassess the situation.Naturally, as we sat there,my wife emerged from thegarage, bearing the nemesis-of-a-cap and presented it tous with an all-too-familiarfeminine smile of superiorityon her face.

Next came the big moment.I fired it up and quicklyrediscovered another oldadage: " It aj n 't as easyas it looks". I meltedhol es i n every scrap p'i eceof metal I could 1ay myhands on. Finally, Iproduced what I considered tobe a weld "worthy" of thisamateur. Now it's onething to weld two piecesof new, thick metal togetheron a flat surface from above.The real trick is to welda very thin, somewhat rustyPorsche, to a new pieceof metal - with your backunder the ass-end of it,with no head room and one handdeep in the bowels of somepanel - holding thingstogether. 0n1y a trained yogainstructor could attack theproject before me. And soit began. A squeeze ofthe trigger and a shower ofmol ten spl atterì ng stee'lseconds later, led me toquickly discover that mylittle surgeon's cap wasindeed, highly flammable.

Murphy's Laws were becomingrapidly apparent. Whilemaking a hasty retreat fromthe depths of her innardsand trying to beat out theflames to save what littlehair remained on my head.I managed to brush the electrodeagainst the edge of the wheel-well. My finger somehowpu'l'led the trigger as thegun brushed the arch.Another shower of sparksfollowed the damages. Theedge of my wheelwelì lookedlike someone had blown a

hole through 'it with a 45'p'istol at point blank range.Three seconds of fireworksand 5 hours to correct thedamage. Right on course.

Needless to say, at this point,I reassessed my situation.I'm a pro at it now, reassessingmy position, that is. I don'tthrow things quite as far nowas I did earlier on in thisproject. The long waìk tothe end of the driveway toretrieve whatever tool Ihappened to have in my handat the time of the traumais sufficient. Besides, myneighbors got tired offoreign missiles sailing overthejr fences and started keep-ing the b'loody tools. Priceany too'ls ìateìy?

The experiences continued.The books tal ked about thespattering of a MIG welder

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and the need for protectiveclothing. Moments after I gotmy nerve up to try the welderout for the second time, themessage came home. I squeezedthe old trigger and exitedonce again from the bowels ofthe Red Tub at breakneck sPeed.Ragged b'lue jeans full of moltenBBs was akin to someone shoot-ing a hornets' next under one'sdress. If I wore a dress,which I don't. (But I can'tthink of a better metaphor. )I would have been better off,because by the tjme the BBs

burned through my ieans and skinthey were still lot but not hotenoúgh to burn tl-eir way bacR--out when I rolled over.

To continue, I created beautifulstalagtites in steel, warPeda few pane'l s ( tfris can ' t happenaccording to the boõkfãndburned everything imaginablethat was flammable. Thecrowning blow came, whenanswering Mother Nature'sCa]l. t^lhen I dive into aproject, I usually push on- ignoring everything,including Mother Nature'ssubtle call until I absolutelyhave to make a break for thelittle boys' room. I am

usually a "filthy" mess andmarriage is tenuous, at bestat this point, when it concernsmy mistress in the garage, sotrips through the house arekept to a minimum.

ALLES@ ALLES@0n a particularly bittercold day (no heat in mygarage) Mother Nature was

"screaming" that the old tankwas full and the kidneYs wereabout to back fire. So

I beat a hasty retreat tothe place where all majordecisions are reached, onlYto discover that the ziPPerto my jump su'it was weldedshut! Ever see a front traPdoor in a set of bloomers?t^lell, my jump-suit has apermanent one now.

I can tell with some authoritYon the do's and don'ts of MIG

we'lding. I'm a bon-a-fideexpert on the don'ts and someday I mìght be one of the do's,-.toó. (blear pants w'i th buttons ! )

As a f inal note to th'i s l 'ittl etale, I would like to let Youknow what happens to a bodYwith those handy littletools used to grind Yourwelds smooth.

A fan blade broke loose andimbedded itself in my leg.Before I passed out, Icursed Monkey t'lards in twolanguages. I went out andpurchased a neat "new"little grìnder. First timeout of the box, I found outwhat happens when a little4r, inch grinding d'ish turning10,000 RPMs accidentìy comesinto contact with an o1d Pa'ir

APO CHE TO R Ef{

BY BOB STONEROCK

For those of you who don'tknow about me and my 356,I'l I give you a quick synops'isof the events leading upto the latest misadventure.

I gave up 91 I s and other formsof sanity in the pursu'it ofa dream I'd always had. Iwanted to restore and learnto majntain a 356. l.lhya 356? Fewer cylinders,no fuel injection, a'irboxes , tími ng cha'ins,etc., etc. l^Jell, I fina'llysecured a relatively "rustfree" 65 Coupe with apedigree equal to that ofthe classical "mutt" straydog.

Certain nameless individual s(nudy & Bamy) bo]stered myconfidence level to a 9.5+.That was prior to laying-onof the first wrench. Fromthe time the "Red Lady"entered the garage, it'sbeen all downhill. I keep

thjnking things have gotto better soon, but as You'

'l Isoon read, I'm still waitingfor the black clouds to lift.

Ì^lell, after dismantling thebeast down to her bareknickers and hand scraPingl0l pounds of undercoating,the telltale cancer came intosight. After a ljttlesurgery here and there, Ihad a tin can with a lotof holes in it. .020 metalbandages were fabricated tobutt-weld over all the gaPingwounds.

Now what do I do? I'venever welded anything th'is'large and the car can ' t bemoved! Ask for help?!? Whilewaiting for the cavalrY toarrive, it finally sunk in thatshort of divine he1P, theonly help I was gojng to getwould come from a book and mY

own two hands. Well, Iread a text on welding, con-sulted the various "gurus"and after a period of time,jumped with both feet andrented a MIG l,'lelder. (ffremistake was made the daY Ibought a 356.) I was well onmy way by this time, to beingcommitted anyway, so whatdid I have to lose?

lst problem. How do Iget this $1500 monster home?

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f8 15

-

r'--J \

er ALLES¡@)of tennis shoes containgone foot. Scratch one tenn'issf oe. -l¡-flen I qui t I jmPi ng 'I may retrieve that newgrinder from the treein my front yard.

My next adventure i s al readYunderway. It might best be

ti tl ed "The Peri I s ofAcetylene t^Jeld'ing", or "5M'inutes of Mi stakes and 50

Hours of Correction", or"How to l^larp Your PorscheAs Quickly As You Can SnaP

Your Fingers".

See you aga'in soon

(Reorinted from the APrilI 983 i ssue of the KansasCi ty Regi on ' s ltlewsl etter,Der Sportwaqon. )

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