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Osgood, Tony (2017) Ancient Wisdom? What we think we know about supporting families duringPositive Behaviour Support. In: BILD Centre for the Advancement of Positive Behaviour Support- Coaches Network. (Unpublished)

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TonyOsgood:[email protected]@protonmail.com

AccompanyingpapertoBILDCAPBSCoachesNetworkSummit,May2016

1

AncientWisdom?

WhatwethinkweknowaboutsupportingfamiliesduringPositiveBehaviour

Support

TonyOsgoodLecturerinIntellectual&DevelopmentalDisabilities,TizardCentre,UniversityofKent/PrivatePractitioner

AnUpfrontAside

Thisisapersonalperspectiveonkeyactions(andreadings)forPositive

BehaviourSupport(PBS)coachesandfacilitatorsinterestedinfostering

supportivemethodswhenworkingwithfamilies.

BeforebecomingalectureratUniversityIspentagooddealofmylifeworkingin

private,voluntaryandNHSservices.Thiswasoftenasfrustratingasyoumight

imagine.WhatIfoundmostinteresting(andsustaining)wereidiographic

solutionsforindividualissuesoflearningandservicedelivery,yetIwasworking

(andtoanextentrepresented)nomotheticparadigms.*Inmorestraightforward

terms,beingpartofabigsystemmadeithardtorespondtoindividuals.Why?

Wewereobligedtomeetcentralisedgoals(oftensetbythoselackingapparent

insightaboutrealpeople**butwhocouldrecogniseaneasy-to-collectdataset

fromahundredmetres–forexample,afocusonthemetricofthenumberof

peopleprofessionalsmetratherthanmeasuringqualityorsuitabilityor

outcomesofsuchencounters).Wehadtofollowrigidpathwaysofcare(don’t

wanderfromthepath,LittleRedProfessional),andatreatmentmodelsteepedin

thetropesofthemedicalmodel(open,treat,close,repeat,open,treat,close,

repeat).Addtothisfrustrationsarisingfromcareermanagers(IfTheyQuestion

TheyShallLeave,IfTheyBowTheyArePromoted),well,Iheard(andmyself

contributedto)muchkvetching.Paperworkwasdominant(Mansell&Elliot,

2001),peoplerequiringservicesalmostunheard.Allthesethingscombinedto

oftengetinthewayofeffectiveworkandperson-centredoutcomes.Thisisthe

priceofworkinginorganisationsconceptualisedasmachines.Ifwethinkof

organisationsasmechanisticprocesses(input,process,outcome)prettysoonwe

allbegintoresembleacogtosomeone(Morgan,1986).

*Idiographicandnomotheticdescribetwowaysofknowing–sotermedbyphilosopherWilhelm

Windelband–broadlyindividualandqualitativewaysofknowing(idiographic)andbroadly

generalisedquantitativeknowing(drawnfromlargenumbers–nomothetic.Insummary,

idiographicisaboutindividuals,Nomotheticaboutgroupsofpeople.

**Families,kidswithdiagnosesofinterestingbehaviour,adultswithdisabilities,youknow,real

people



2

SohowdidIcometobepartofamachine?Asafamilymembertryingto

understandthebehaviouranddisabilityofasibling,Irememberthinkingthat

onceIworkedformallyasanemployeeindisabilityservices(youknow,gained

status,somethingoftenlackingforfamilies)Imighthavesomeinfluence.Things

mightchange.Asasupportworker,Ispokewithothersupportworkersandwe

wereprettyclearoncewewereseniorsupportworkers,we’dbeabletoenactthe

changewesought.Asaseniorsupportworker,thesameconversationsoccurred.

Asmanagers,likewise.Asareamanagers,evenmoreso.Inpsychologyservices,

ditto.Eventuallyarecognisablepatternemerged.Wewereoftensoconsumedby

frustrationatwhatcouldn’tbedonewewereblindsidedtowhatmightbe

achieved.

Re-readingHerbLovett’sLearningtoListeninthelate1990skeptusacutely

awareitwasn’tusthatwerebrokenbuttheverysystemsintendedtoenable

goodoutcomes.Communitymodelswerethebrightpromisetoreplace

institutions.Butinstitutionsarenotplaces;institutionsliveasthoughtsand

storiesincommunityservicedesignsandstaff.Gettingoutofinstitutionsdoes

notresultinbetteroutcomesifyouarestillservedininstitutionalways.Lovett

recordedanotefromapersonalcommunicationwithNirje,whohadobserved

‘hierarchiesmakepeoplestupid’.Buthavingnochoiceisachoice,andmany

peopledecidedtowalkouttowalkon(Wheatley&Frieze,2011).Choosingto

listen,todowhatIcould,tobuildrapport,tobeempathic,tobesolution-

focussed,thesewerealsochoices.

Myreasonforsuchpersonalrevelationsismerelytonotethatwhenworking

withparentsandpeopleusingservices,youwilloftenhearthesame(sometimes

angry)frustrationsthatprofessionalsespoused.Noonelistens!Everyone

moanedaboutCommissioners:theykeptbuyingthewrongthingsforthewrong

people.Professionalsareofteninthefiringlineofangryparentsandangry

parentsareofteninthefiringlineoftiredprofessionals.Butprofessionalsare

notoftenexcludedfromdecisionsquitesoreadilyasparentsorpeopleusing

services.Often,noonewaslisteningtoanyone.Everyoneseemedpreoccupied

withtheirownlegitimacyandtheirownvoices,theirownagenda.

Sowhatif–here’sthepointofthisaside–whatifwe’reallofusinamachine,

treatedlikecogs(largelybyotherbiggercogs)?Wouldn’titmakesensetonot

treatothercogsasadversaries(‘don’tgothatway,comethisway!’)butas

collaborators?(‘Ifweallturntheotherwayperhapswe’llgetthingsdone?’)

Now,thisisn’tnew.Anditcertainlyisn’tinsightful.It'soldasthehills,thisartof

listening,thisartofcraftingmeaningbetweenus.Weknowthemorewetalkthe

lessweseemtolearnorhear.Themoreweshutup,themorewediscover.But

justbecausewere-discovertheblindinglyobviousdoesn’tmeanit’snotnovel,

it’snotrevelatory.

AsWillRogersnoted,goodjudgementcomesfromexperienceofbadjudgement.



3

TheUpsideofReading

Intheearly1990smanyofusencounteredwhatwastobecomeknownasPBS:

theapplicationofbehaviouraltechnologyinasociallyresponsiblemanner.For

usPBSwasarebalancingofclinicalvalidityatanycost,towardanequal

emphasisonsocialvalidity.

TheearlyPBStractswerelargelyAmericanandremindeduspeoplewewerein

servicetomatterwhenitcametothedesignofinterventiongoals.Thewaywe

workedandconductedourselves,themannerinwhichweappliedthe

technology,thewaywelearnedtolistentothehopesandaspirationsofpeople

inservicesandinfamilies–allthesethingschanged.PBSgaveourgrowing

uneaseattheapplicationofbehaviouraltechnologyineverydaysituationsa

solution-shapeddesign.ForusPBSandpersoncentredplanning(PCP)werepart

ofacontinuum.Colleaguesconductedasmanypersoncentredplansas

functionalassessments.Weco-authoredasmanyinteractionguidesasbehaviour

supportplans.Wemeasuredsatisfactionasmuchaschallengingbehaviour.

Mainlywemodelleddecenthumanityandappliedwhatweknewaboutwhat

goodsupportis,whilstavoidingwhatgoodsupportisn’t.Thepersonwasthe

arbiterofquality,notcentralisedspecifications.

Inlate1996BrookesPublishinginBaltimorehadaproblemwiththeirpostal

servicetotheUK.Somehow,fourcopiesofPositiveBehaviourSupport:Including

PeoplewithDifficultBehaviourintheCommunityarrived.Amidsttheclinically

rigorouschaptersandcasestudiesofthiseditedvolumeafewthingsstoodout–

primarilythefocusonfamilycontextsinworkingtounderstandandrespondto

challengingbehaviour–becauseeventhoughitisasocialconstructionandnota

legitimatediagnosis(moreaclinicalaccusation),challengingbehaviourcanhurt

lives.Inthisbookwediscoveredfurtheraccountsofcontextualfit–makingsure

ourcollaborativesuggestionsfittheenvironmentandfamily;wefoundaccounts

ofpartnershipworking,groupactionplanning,teachingreciprocity.We

discoveredaccountsofbelonging,socialinclusion,friendshipandToddRisley’s

seminalcallforpractitionerstobeginhelpingpeopleto‘getalife’.Wewere

hugelyrelievedtoreadDonKincaid’saccountofpersoncentredplanning.

In2002anothereditedvolumeonPBSappeared-thisonefocussedonfamilies:

FamiliesandPositiveBehaviourSupport:AddressingProblemBehaviourinFamily

Contexts.Thisbookfurtherexploredtheaccountsofpartnershipapproachesto

behaviouralsupportandteachingnewskills,amendingenvironmentsand

interactions.UnfortunatelyPaulHBrookeshadtheirpostroomproblemssolved

andonlyonecopywasreceived.Whatstruckmanyofuswasthededicationof

authorsdeterminedtosummarisetheirlearningfromworkinginpartnership

withfamilies.Familymemberswrotechapters.

InthesameyearPersonCentredPlanning:Research,Practice&FutureDirections

waspublished.AmongthemanypowerfulchaptersKincaid&Foxwroteabout

correlationsandoverlapsbetweenPBSandPCP.MightPCPcontributeto



4

abolishingoperations,thesocialvalidityofPBS,enrichmentofhome,the

collaborationbetweenfamiliesandpractitioners?Mightdrumsmakeasound?

(LikeTerryPratchett’stavernTheBrokenDrum,whenitcomestoperson

centredapproaches,youcan’tbeatcollaboration.)

Nowallthesebooksarealmostancienthistorytomanystudentstoday.(There

againsomestudentsdon’tknowthelegacyofMargaretThatcher.Somedon’t

thinknormalisationisathing.)Buthere’sathought:thereisnothingnewunder

thesun,includingtheevidentneedofhumanstokeeprevisinghistoryandto

forgettheirpasts.Muchofthematerialinthesethreebooksremainsessential

reading.(Maytheychangeyourpracticeastheydidours.)

SeveralofuswerefortunateenoughtoworkwithJimMansellinservices(he

providedaprotractedinductionwhenIworkedinaSpecialDevelopmentTeam

project.Jimdidn’tjusttalkandwrite,Jimdid.That’swhywemisshimsovery

much).Jimwasunfortunateenoughtoinspireustostudywithhim(whetherhe

wantedustoornot)andbydintofashortstrawhetaughtmeduringformal

Master’sstudiesandduringashort-livedUniversityAffiliatedProgramme.In

factheaskedsomeofustoteach–probablysohecouldkeepawatchfuleyeon

us.WhatJimtaughtuswaschallenging:servicesandfamiliesarenotblank

canvasses.Jimtaughtusourjobwasnottoprejudgeanysituationbutratherto

turnup,shutupandlisten.Heemphasisedtheneedtoputknowledgeinto

serviceofthosewhorequiredit:families,peopleusingservices,and

commissioners.Allthetechnicalknowledgeintheworldwon’thelpifyourears

arestuffedwiththefluffofyourownlearning.

Thereisadifferencebetweenknowingfamiliesandworkingwithfamilies.

Knowingafamilymeansyouhaveaccesstotacitknowledge.Workingwitha

familymeansyouhaveaccesstoafile.(Andwhoconductsreliabilitytestson

suchnotes?)

PBSandpersoncentredactioncomplimenteachother,theyprovideatoolboxof

eclecticmethodstolistentothelivesandviewsofpeople,notmerelytheir

discreteresponses.

FamiliesandPBS

Notwofamiliesarethesameanditisthereforeproblematictogeneralise‘wants’

and‘needs’withoutimmediatelythinkingofexceptions(“Well,onefamilyI

workedwith…”).Therearealwayslimitationsinanyresearch(hencethe

wisdomofconsideringasignificantnumberofsuchstudiesorverbalaccounts)

andthelessonswemightdraw,buttherearesomepossiblesummary

conclusionswemightuseasawaytoinformourpractice.

Firstly,familyisasfamiliesare.Forgetdemographicsanddefinitions.Ifagroup

ofpeopleidentifyasafamily-regardlessofnumber,orientation,gender,



5

abilities–sobeit.Thesethingsmightnotbeyourchoiceofsituationbuttobe

fairthisreallyisn'taboutyou.Itmaynotbewhatyouwouldchoosetocalla

familybutfamilyitsurelyisnevertheless.Getoveryourself.Beingaskedto

attendafamilyisaninvitationtoengageourempathyaswellasourknowledge:

it’ssomethingofaprivilegeevenindifficultsituations.

AtaworkshoponSupportingFamiliestwoveryexperiencedbehaviour-support

professionalsworkingincommunityserviceswerescathingaboutmanyofthe

familiestheyworkedwith.Thattheirnegativeexperiencecontaminatedtheir

viewsoffamiliesofchildrenwithIDDandbehaviourthatchallengesseemedin

littledoubt.Everyargumentoffered,eachpieceofresearch,wasmetwitha

stonecoldwallofcynicismbuiltfrommanyyearsofnegativeexperiences.Now

kvetchingisgoodforthesoul.Likeeating,wealltendtokvetch.Butkvetchingso

muchyoulosesightofthepositivesisunhelpful.Nooneenjoyshangingoutwith

aperennialgrouch.BytheendoftheteachingIwonderedwhetherencountering

newfamilieswhileharbouringsuchcynicalviewsmightnotpredicttheoutcome.

Somefamilieshavejustificationforcomplainingthatsupportmighteasilyturn

outtobenotsomuchacollaborativejourneybutmoreajudgementalburden.

Likeresearch,nofamilyisperfectbutthenagainneitherareprofessionals.How

wethinkaboutfamiliesimpactsoureffectivenessasprofessionals.Ifwetalk

overfamilies,they’llceasetospeakandshare.Asifonanextinctionprogramme,

theymightbegintoyell,theirsharingmightfadeaway.Soprotocolsandplans,

howmeetingsareheld,theeaseofreferrals,theseareallartefactsthattellus

whatindividualsandservicesreallythinkoffamilies.

Secondly,researchdoestendtosuggestmanyfamiliesofchildrenwith

disabilitiesseekinformationaboutdisability,aboutservices,about

understandingandbest-practice(Santellietal.,2002).(Families,frommy

experience,wanttoknowwhatishappeningandwhatthefuturemightlooklike,

too.)Santelli’sworknotesadviceaboutkeepingfamiliescoherentisalso

important.RichardHastings’sworkonstressesforstaffandfamiliesneedsmore

attention(e.g.,Hastings&Taunt,2002)-asdoestheinterestinmindfulnessasan

approachoftenhelpfulinsupportingcoping.Inonestudytheinformalsupports

seemedkeytoparentalwellbeing:accesstoserviceswasn’t(White&Hastings,

2004).Onekeypointtheseauthorsmakeisthatparentalwellbeingimpactedthe

child’sbehaviour.

Li-Tsangandcolleaguesnotedthatmanyparentsofchildrenwithdisabilities

experiencejoyaswellasstress.Specialneedsaredifferent,theynote,from

problems(Li-Tsang,Yau,Yeun,2001).Theseauthorsfocussedonseekingto

determinethosestrategiesbeneficialatfosteringadaptivecopingand

constructiveattitudes.Mightchildrenwithdisabilitiesinfamiliesalsobeacting

ascontributorstofamilycohesion?Whattheirstudysuggestedwasa

confirmationofpreviousinvestigations.Realisticpositiveexpectationsofthe

childseemtohelp,asdidgoodlevelofparentaleducation,pragmaticproblem

solving,andresilientpersonalities.Sufficientfinanceshelp.Thekeyfindingof



6

thissmallstudywasthatparentswithgoodadaptiveskillssoughtoutlocal

networksofsupport.Soonequestiontoaskishowweascoachesand

professionalscontributetosuchthings.Oftenourapproachandattitudeinform

familyperceptionsofservicesandtheirabilitytocope(Bromley,etal.,2004).

Thirdly,rememberthatnomatterhowskilledtheprofessionalitisdoubtfulthe

‘sharedexperiences’ofdisabilityorbehaviourarethesameasthoseofparents.

Professionaltrainingmightsuggesttopractitionersoneinterpretationofwhatis

seenbutitmaynotbethewholestory[oreventherightnarrative]especiallyif

theprofessionalisn’tgoodatbeingseenasavailabletohear.Parentsmaybe

simplytired,notsad(Green,2007).Itshouldberememberedthatregardlessof

methodsused“wecannotrepresentothersinanyothertermsthanourown”

(VanMaanen,1988,p.12).Sobesttoshareandco-constructtheterms.

Acohesiveblendingofthesepointscanthenbemadeforcommunity

involvementandnotarelianceonservicesystems.Services,asO’Briennoted,

canneverbeenough(O’Brien,1987).Parenttoparentmodelsofferawayof

gainingsupportandunderstandingthatdon’tnecessarilyrelyonbusy

professionals.Expertiseisdispersedinsuchmodels–thereisnosingle

authority.Parenttoparentmodelscanprovideinformationandemotional

support.

Theemotionalsupportprovidedbypeoplewhohaveexperiencedsimilar

situationsisinvaluable.Emotionalsupportmightincludeknowingonecancall

onanallywhoisreliable,whohas‘walkedthesamepath’,whowillprovide

practicalsupport,whowillremindpartnersoftheirabilitytocope,andwho

acceptstheirpartner‘wartsandall’.

The‘informationalsupport’mightincludeknowledgesharedaboutspecialist

serviceprovision,family-focussedplacesandopportunitiestocontributetheir

ownknowledgetoothers.

Anetworkoffamilies(theparenttoparentmodel)isakintoacommunityof

practice–aninformalgroupofpeoplesharingcommoninterestsandskills.

Thesetooprovideemotionalandinformationsupports,butalsoaplacefor

identities.(Beingafamilyincludingachildwithdisabilitiesisoftenexhausting

andjoyful–beinganyfamilyisthis,too,butdisabilitiesbringarangeof

additionaldemands,notleasttherequirementstobringothersintothevery

heartoffamilytraditionsandwaysofbeing.Belongingtoagroupofother

familieswithsimilarexperiencescanhelppeoplewhocompriseafamilytonot

feelsoisolated.Networksorcommunitiesprovideearsandshoulders.)

Thishasimplicationsforhowwelookatfamily-sensitivePBSandits

implementation.Havingparentsaspractitionersorcoachesmayhaveuntold

benefits.



7

AgoodexampleofparentsmakingalltherunningistheChallengingBehaviour

Foundation(CBF).Startedbyparents,thishasbecomeasourceofinformation,a

locationtogainsupport,andhasbeenincreasinglyinfluentialintermsofpolicy

andresearchagendas.NotonlydotheCBFofferparentssupport(both

informationalandemotional),theyofferresourcestoprofessionals,policy

makers,trainingandahostofotherfunctions.

Insummary,thereismuchacoachorprofessionalcouldlearnby‘justhanging

outwithpeoplewhoknow’.Buildingintothe‘process’ofworksuchlisteningis

oneoftheearlyinnovationsPBSincluded.Contextsandstoriesaredata.

Training&Families

Trainingisoftenthoughtofasclassroom-based.Trainingisoftendesigned

aroundlearninggoalssignificanttothetrainerortheiremployer,butthesemay

notberelevanttothedifferentcontextsexperiencedbyfamilies.Whilstthis

traditionaltypeoftrainingmayhaveitsplaceasavenueforinformationsharing,

realtraininghappensduringworkinrealsituations.Byrealtraining,Imeanof

courselearning.Goodlearningisachievedbydoingactivitiesinrealsituations.

Coachingistrainingplusmentorshipinrealsituations.Forparents(andformost

people)tocomprehendPBS,rapport,peg-feeds,oranything,ithelpstoseethese

thingsdone.Showinganddoingisremembering.Alltoooftenclassroom-based

teachingisanexerciseinforgetting.(Youshouldcometomylecturesto

appreciatethisfully.)Thereforeifwewishtotrainparentsinspecific

interventions,itmakessensetoteach,do,reflect,primarilyineveryday

situations.

Coachesandpractitionershavetobepresentforfamilies.Familiesaren’tthere

forprofessionals–IamstillamazedhowoftenIspeakwithfamilieswhoare

gratefulforcrumbsfromthecaptain’stable:familiesarethetableandthe

captains.Professionalsaretheretoservenotcontrol.Professionalsandcoaches

havetobepresentphysically,usefully,andpsychologically.Theyshouldnot

strivetobeweirdUncleBartywhoturnsuponlyatChristmasbearinggiftsand

askingforastiffbrandy,butlikeAuntHazel,whocallsinwhenshecan,who

respondswhenasked,andforwhommanyofthesmallrequeststhatlitterfamily

lifearenotsosmalltheyareignored.Beingpresentmeansthelessonswepass

onandthelearningwegainfrombeingpresentarenotseenastraining.The

similaritytopracticeleadershipisobvious.

Trainingandnotdoingisformanypeoplebetterthanrealwork,butmaynotbe

agooduseofscarceresourceorintellect.Learningthroughdoingiskey.Coaches

andfamiliescanlearnfromeachotherthroughwhatwemighttermlegitimate

peripheralparticipation(beingpresent).Trainingisvitalforpractitioners,

competencyinpracticeevenmoreso;butforeveryBCBAwithpristine



8

credentials,foreachnewlymintedpsychologistornurse,I’dliketoseedouble

thenumbersofears.

FamiliesAsResources

Ratherthanviewfamiliesasreceiversofservices,wewoulddowellifwe

consideredfamiliesassourcesofexpertknowledge.Inthesamewaythoseofus

whoworkandliveatthepersoncentredactionendofthecontinuumthatPBS

hasbecomeconsiderpeoplewithdisabilitiestobetheexpertonwhattheyneed,

wemightwellbenefitfromanequivalentstartingpointwithfamilies.

Alltoooften,however,weheartalesofthevoicesoffamiliesbeingsilencedor

ignored.Itisasifthestoriesfamiliestellandtheknowledgetheyhaveacquired,

notbeingcertificatedtoUniversitylevel,canthereforebedismissed.Suddenly,

expertknowledgeoutweighslocalknowledge.Suchanapproachisself-defeating

ifourgoalistheameliorationofchallengingbehaviourandanincreasein

understandingofwhatworksbest(Danforth,2000).Ifwemakefamilies

dependentuponprofessionalswedisablefamilies.

Whenbeingtoldthenewsofadisability,“parentspreferprofessionalswhoshow

agenuinecaringattitude,whoencourageandallowthemtotalkandwhoshow

understandingoftheiremotionalresponses.Sensitivitytobothinformational

contentandparents’reactionsiscritical”(Jan&Girvin,2002,p.81);such

sensitivelydoesn’tstoponceadiagnosisismade.

Notacknowledgingfamilyknowledgeisalittlelikewatchingpeopleeatinanice

restaurant.Imagineseeingtouristslookinginarestaurantwindow.These

touristsaretalkingloudlyaboutwhattheysee.Theyspeakabouthowwarmit

looksinside.Howsmalltheportionsseem.Theyarecommentingonthe

behaviourofonefamilygroup–locals-whoaretalking,gesticulating,arguing,

laughing.Thesetouristsareametaphorforprofessionalbutdistancedworkers-

foranyonewillingtocategoriseandmakejudgementsaboutpeopleorplaces

withoutanyfirst-handknowledge.Whilstthetouristsmightsaywesawthis

happen,weheardthatbeingsaid,thatwasthelimitoftheirknowledge.

Judgementsaboutthedishes,thearomas,thetastes,thetextures,freshness

cannotnotbevalidatedorreliable.Judgementsofthequalitiesoftheexperience

aresimplyprojectionsoftheirownperspectives.

Unlessinsidetherestaurant,eating,talking,sharing,howmightanyofussafely

saywhatisreallyoccurring?Thatiswhatfamiliesexperiencetoooften.People

outsideascribingqualitiesandcritiquesoftheirexperience.Ourviewascoaches

andcontributorstosolutionsisasifthroughthewindowandwillbeincomplete,

asimplifieddescription;ourdiagnosesaremerelymetaphorsforwhatwethink

weknow–orperhapstheechoingofancienttropes.



9

TheNub*orBehavioursFamiliesMightFindHelpful

Forastart,dumpthedoom.Noteveryfamilyisexperiencingheartacheor

bereavement.Plentyare,butmanyaretoobusyforgingnewwaysofbeinga

familyortoobusy‘doingfamily’tofocusonwhattheydon’thave.They’re

celebratingandenjoyingtheirsituationandmembers(Summers,Behr,Turnbull,

1989).Beforeanydisabilityachildisachildinafamily.Thesonhangingfrom

thefirstfloorwindowsingingoffensiveversionsofthePolishnationalanthemis

neitherangelnordevil.(Norreferral.)Theboyissimplyasonwithafascination

forself-depreciatingnationalanthemsandaloveoffreshair.They’reasonfirst.

(Wesometimeshearpeoplementiontheword‘suffer’,inthatthechild‘suffers’

fromepilepsy,orthey‘suffer’fromFragile-X.Tenminutesinaroomwitha

familyoradvocateandthepersonmumblingsuchnonsensewordsmayhavea

completelydifferentperspectiveonsuffering.Childrenwithdisabilities(perhaps

childrenperse)are“mygreatestjoyandmygreatestheartache”(Myers,etal.,

2009).Becarefulofattributionsandlanguage:wordscanhurtandshapethe

viewsofothers.)

EricEmersonnotedpsychologistscouldeasilybemoreplumber,lessIvory

Tower,meaningbeingpresentwhenneededandspecificwhenasked(Emerson,

Hatton,Bromley,Caine,1998).ThisissoundadviceforanycoachandPBS

practitioner,too.Somysecondpointistobeuseful.Notsolelytoyour

organisation,nortoyourbankbalance,buttothefamily.Whatcanyoubringto

theparty?Familiesusuallywantpartnersnotcritics.Findingapartnerwho

listensremains,fortoomanyfamilies,aremarkableevent:itwouldbegrandto

witnessremarkableeventsbecomecommonplace.

*Meaningquintessence,onlywithoutthehubris.**

**BeingEnglish,andofacertainage,meansWinnie-the-Poohisnotsomuchafavourite

childhoodcharactermoreaguru.Example?Listentothis:“Idon’tseemuchsenseinthat,”said

Rabbit.“No,”saidPooh,humbly,“thereisn’t.Buttherewasgoingtobe.WhenIbeganit.It’sjust

thatsomethinghappenedalongtheway.”Nowthinkofthepromisescommunitysupportedliving

madeatinception.Another?(Thisisabouthubris,akapomposity,akasuperiority.)‘Youcan'thelp

respectinganybodywhocanspellTuesday,evenifhedoesn'tspellitright;butspellingisn't

everything.TherearedayswhenspellingTuesdaysimplydoesn'tcount.’Nowthinkofallthose

timesyou’vebeentemptedtoinsertthetermestablishingoperationsordifferentialreinforcement

intoconversationwithparents.***

***OneofthepiecesofadviceIgivetostudents(whotendtoignoremebecausethey’reyoung

andI’mold)istoreadbeyondthecoreliterature.HenceIrediscoveredthewisdomofPooh

becauseIdidn’tfeelguiltyatnotreadingonlypeer-reviewedjournalsandexpensiveacademic

books.Itfollowsthattounderstandtheimportofsocialvalidityandcontextualfitstudents

shouldn’treadCooper,Heron&HewardbutratherKesGrey&NickSharratt’sEatYourPeas.In

thereyou’llfindthedifference.



10

LanguageAsCode.ActiveListeningisaninterpretiveactandhasbeenwidely

discussedinPBSformanyyears.Itismostoftenmadementionofwithin

reactivestrategies.It’steachingappearslesscommonthanit’smention.In

summary,tobeanactivelistenerrequiresustoceasebeingliteralistandtoseek

whatmightbemeantnotwhatissaid.Applyingthiswithfamiliesmightbe

helpfultocoachesandpractitioners.Languageisacode.

Whencoachesorpractitionersareaskedintoafamilythatinvitationisoften

crouchedintermsofspecificbehaviours.Thebehaviouritselfmaybeimpactful

butweruntheriskoffallingintothedisputed‘weakcentralcoherence’

schemataifwe’resofocussedonwhatissaidwefailtohearwhatismeant.

Neurologically-typicalsarenotoriousfor‘notmeaningwhatwesayandnot

sayingwhatwemean’(muchtothefrustrationofmanylivingtheirlivesonthe

spectrumwecallautism).Beingawareofthenuancesofcommunicationandour

ownresponsibilitiesinourcommunicationpartnershipssetsapartthosewho

achieveandthosewhostruggletoformgoodrapportwithfamilies.

Whatthisalsosuggestsisthatthelanguagewechoosetouseshouldnot

obfuscateorconfusepeoplebutilluminateunderstanding.Sosheathyour

stimulussatiationanddiscriminativestimuliandspeaktoeachinamannerthe

situationrequires.Toooftenlanguageisusedtobelittletheknowledgeor

experiencesofparents.Onetoomanypositivereinforcementsandyourunthe

riskofbecomingasignalforbeingshownthedoor–andmoreimportantly,

excludedfromtacitknowledgeheldbyfamilymembersyourexpensive

vocabularymightalienate.Coventryisnice,butaninadvertentoreven

intentionaluseoftechnology-speakwillmeanyou’llbevisitingthatparticular

cityalone.Languagecanhelpyoualignwithfamilies.

Behonest.Sometimesbehaviourisawful.It’sfrighteningandmystifying.Butit’s

goodtoknowthatbehaviourislawfulevenwhenawful.Yourjobistokeep

remindingfamilymemberswhomightbeattheraggedyedgeduetosleep

deprivationandsneersfromneighboursthatthisissomethingtheycanworkout

andworkthrough.Thelastthingtodo,though,istodownplaytheawfulness.

Don’ttellfamilymemberstojust‘buckup’orcheerfullyto‘workthroughit’.

Don’ttellthemtheattributionsabouttheirdaughterhittingherselfaremerely‘a

socialconstruction’.Youhavetobehonestinacknowledgingthatthecrap

doesn’tsmelllikeperfume.Itstinks.But…workingtogethermeansfinding

solutions.

Don’tbeahero.Beahost.Thisisatrickyone.Whodoesn’twanttobeahero?

ButasWillRogersissaidtohavenoted,beingaheroistheshortest-lived

professiononearth.Ienjoyinterdependence.Sure,Icouldlivealoneandwrite

pastichesofGreatRussianNovels(theyalldieinthesnow,youknow)butbeing

inafamilyandbeinglovedisfarmorefunthanindependence,atleastforme.

Wepractitionersmightdowelltorememberitisn’tusupat3amtryingto

implementastimuluscontrolprogrammeforakidwithsuddenlyfivearms,six

legsandtheabilitytospitthroughtheeyeofaneedleatseventeenmetres.



11

Listeningtothesetalesmeansouranalyticalexpertisemaynotbeofprime

import(‘LetmejustreaduponthatforyouintheJournalofAppliedBehaviour

Analysis…Hereitis.Look.Youseewhatyoudidwrong?’).*Howcanyousupport

thefamilytolearn,reflect,andgrow?Heroesarefineonthecinemascreen

butinreallifeenablersandteamplayerstendtotrumpmostcrises.

ComeDownFromTheCrossWeCouldUseTheWood.ThislinefromTom

Waitsseemssoundadvice–it’seasytoblameourselveswhenpeopledon’t

listen,whenourcarefullycraftedplansheadSouthforawhile,andwhenpeople

giveusshort-shriftforgenuineefforts.Ratherthanbemoan,gnashteethor

condemn,getyourownsupport.Nooneisanisland(thoughplentyofpeopleare

abitruggedandpronetostrongwind)sogetyourselfsupport.Everyoneseems

tokvetchabouteveryoneelse–that’sfine,butdon'tdoittoyourself.Ihearda

story(IthinkfromaDavidPitonyaktalk**)ofonepersonadvisinganotherto

‘treatothershowyouwouldwanttobetreatedyourself’butanotherperson

notedmostpeopletreatthemselvesterribly–alwaysblamingthemselves,never

gettingenoughfamily-time,workingallhours.You’reallowedtogetsadbut

thengiveitback.Workouthowtoavoidfeelinglikethatinfuture.Thebottom

lineisPBSandABAmakerocketscienceseemsimple.Humansarecomplicated!

Fearanduncertainty(andperformanceanxiety)areoldfriendstothose

supportingpeopletounderstandchallengingbehaviour.Socutyourselfabreak.

Don’tBeReductionist,BeExpansionist.InPBSwe’reallowed(nay,expected)

tothinksystemicallytosomedegree.Duringyourexploring(assessment)of

situationsdon’tsimplyfocusontargetbehaviourstoreduce,plantoincrease

family-enhancingbehavioursandaccomplishments.Whilstthechildmaybethe

focus,familymembersareequallyimportant(alliesbringaboutchange).Once

you’venailedthedefinitionsoftheissue,nailthecontexts,too.Younever‘treat’a

singlebehaviour,youworkwitharepertoireandfamily.Youwillfindyourself

beingasourceofinformation–aboutmarriageguidance,aboutstressreduction,

abouteducation,abouthistoryandfutures,aboutlove.Oftenchallenging

behaviourismerelyasymptom.

Reducingbehaviours,increasingothers,arebothsimpleandcomplex:whatPBS

strivesforisafargreatercomplexity.Thissometimesfreakspeopleout.PBS

aimstolookbeyondthechallengingbehaviourtolifestylesandfutures.PBSis

focussedonrobustsciencebutalsohope.PBSlooksatbehaviour,butalsothe

accomplishmentsofextra-ordinarylives.

*WillRogers:‘Anignorantpersonissomeonewhodoesn’tknowwhatyoujustread’.

**Imightbemistakenhere.However,Itendtoattributeeverythinggoodandinsightfulinthis

woundedworldtoDavidPitonyak–whoremainsasourceofinspiration.



12

Loveisakeyfeatureinfamiliesandweoverlookitatourperil.Butloveisnever

simpleorelegantorpronetoformulation.Loveoftenfeaturescontradictionsand

fears.Beingaparentofteninvolvesincompatibleobjectivesandstates.“Parents

whowantsimultaneouslytoloveandhealtheirchildrenareoldhandsat

finessingthefactthatcaringrequiresthatwebelieveincompatiblethingsatthe

sametime.Thatis,parentscanacceptthevalueandimportanceoftheirchild’s

obsessionsandthebeautyoftheirdifferentwaysofexperiencingtheworld

aroundthem,evenastheyworktofreethemfromrestrictions...”(Silverman,

2012,p.235).Thismeansagreedplanscanchangesuddenly.Learntodance.

Insummary,then,

• Buildpartnershipswithfamiliesandotherprofessionals:worktoachieve

cohesion

• Respectfamily-centredprinciplesthroughyourexploringandyourdoing

• Supportthefamilytovoiceafuturethatismeaningfulforthem

• Repeatthemantra:thisproblembehaviourisjustalearningissue,solet’s

getteachingalternatives

• Communicationiseverything–forthechild,forthefamily,foryou

• Functionalassessmentisessentialtounderstandfunctions:a

questionnaireoftenwon’tcutit.Getinthereandlook.Justhangoutwith

peoplewhoknow

• Everychildisanindividualandeverysupportplanistoo.Don’tcutand

paste

• Ensuretheplaniscollaborativeandfitswellwithreality.Socialvalidity

mattersasmuchasclinicalvalidity

• Alignplanswitheverydaylife.Makethempartofthefamily

• Bethere,bepresent,beuseful.Don'tassessthendisappear,reviewand

critique.Beavailable

• Checkthingsareoncourse.Adjust,amend,learn:isthisstillwhatthe

familyneed,whatworksforthefamily?

• You’retheretoservenotdirect

TheabovebulletpointsareofcourseAncientHistory.Thesearederivedfroma

remarkablechapterwrittenbyLucyshyn,Horner,Dunlap,AlbinandBenway

backin2002(Lucyshyn,etal.,2002).BeforeiPhones,already.Thatold.Canwe

remembertoremember?

Alternatively,thereisasimplermethodthanmemorisingAncientWisdom(no

matterhowgooditis):thebestmethodmightbetoturnup,shutup,andlisten,

asJimadvised.It’seasiertoaskfamilieswhattheywantfromyouandifthey

cannotsay,activelylistenandofferaninterpretation.Often,eachmemberwants

differentthings.That’sthemomentyoubegintocraftcoherenceandclarity

(Bromley,2008).

Theaboveprinciplesarenotnewbutancient.Ifhistoryteachesusanythingitis

peoplestruggletolearnfromhistory.Howcanweavoidbeingforgetful?Perhaps

weembedwhatweknowinwhatwedo.ThusAncientWisdombecomes



13

everydaypractice.Forexample,ifwebelittlethesubjectiveexperienceofpeople

wesupport,wemaysimplybewritingourselvesawarranttodowhatweplease.

Becauseourvoiceshavemoreauthorityasourwisdomisdrawnfrom

nomotheticscience,whereastheirsissimplysubjective.

Adoptingablindadherencetoprinciplesthatserveduswellinancienttimesis

itselfanerror–ifevolutionarypsychologyteachesusanything,itisthatpatterns

ofoldbehavioursareoftenasusefulastheappendix(thinkxenophobia–when

thatburstsopenyousurenoticeit,evenindemocraticsocieties).Science

necessarilychallengesoldtropes–that’sessential.Butaswerushtocapture

researchfundingtoreplicatestudiesordiscovernewthings,wemightstanda

riskofforgettingusefulolderthings.

(Someofusaresufficientlyoldtorememberourteacherswarningaparentthat

sparingtherodspoilsthechild.Wemayhavewantedtoreassureourparentsthat

particularperspectivewasnothingmorethanapainfullie!Butweknewfew

listentomouthyorsarcastictenyearoldsinEnglishprimaryeducation.Now

manysubscribetoit’soppositethroughevidence:usingtherodspoilsthechild

anddoesn’tparticularlyhelpthepersondoingthehitting.Andyetwesee

authoritarianpoliticiansdominateelectionsinmanyplaces.Soonethingis

worthconsideringthough:“ItisnotGodwhoisauthoritarian,butus”(Blaug,

2000,p.96).)

Now,theaboveperspectivesmayseemcommonsense(remember,common

senseisnotaprotocol,itisnotsocommonitshouldn’tbeconsideredasuper

power),butcommonsenseismerely,asJimManselltaughtus,clinicalintuition.

TogainthisremarkablepoweronehastomerelypracticePBSandperson

centredapproachestimeandtimeagain,andreflectonwhatdidn’twork,what

did,andhowtodomoreofthelatter,lessoftheformer.Aristotlesaidwe

becomeexcellentatwhatwepractice.Foradeadphilosopherhecontinuesto

haveapoint.Themoreexperiencewegainandthemorewelearnfromlistening

topeoplewhoseliveshavebeendevalued,themorewelistentofamilymembers

whosewordshavebeentoooftenignored,themorewelearntotalkandwalk

gently.

AndThenComesLeadership

Leadershipcomesafterhavinginvestedinlisteningtofamilies.Familiesare

likelytolistentotheadviceofcoachesandpractitionersiftheyhavebeenheard

themselvesandifsufficientrapporthasbeenbanked.

Inreality,leadershipisnotfixedandisnotassociatedwithoneperson.The

conceptofdispersedleadershipcomesclosesttothemodelthatseemsbestto

workinfamilysituations:atdifferenttime,differentindividual’sdescribethe

visionanddirectiontowhichallmembersalignwithtofollowandwork



14

towards;assituationsalter,differentpeople’sleadershipsskillsdrawnfrom

theirparticularknowledge–specifictothatsituation–cometothefore.

Leadershipisgrantedbythegroupnotimposed.Whatkeepsaleader

temporarilyrelevantare‘willingfollowers’.Asanymanagerwilltestify,

leadershipisfundamentallyimportantbutvastlydifferentfromleadership.

Whilstorganisationsadopthierarchicalmodelsofmanagement,functional

familiesmaynot.Whatworksfororganisationsmaynotbeefficientinfamilies.

Itisultimatelyfutiletoassumeleadershipisgrantedduetoyourqualifications,

certificationorappointment,orindeedyourgenderandage.Ifonlyyouhavethe

finalsayon‘allthingsbehavioural’you’vesimplycreatedabenevolent

enslavement.Allthatmighthappenisaprompt-dependencyhamperingthe

family.

AnadditionalhazardisfoundinAncientWisdom:Deweysuggestedthatthose

withspecialprivilegesoftenacquiremyopiaintermsofcognition(Dewey,

1988).WhilstIamnotarguingcoachesandpractitionersadopttheRoman

modelthatsawtriumphantparadingCaesarsbeingfollowedbyslaves

whisperingrememberyouaremortal(Blaug,2010),itisinterestingtonotethat

evenwithintheexcessesofRomesomethoughthadbeengiventothehuman

tendencytoimagineourselvesallpowerful.Butthoseinleadershippositions

needevenmoretolearntolisteninordertoremainrelevantandnotcorrupted.

Corruptionhereimpliestheoldmeaning,namely“thegeneralfailuretoorientto

thecommongood,acrisisofmoraljudgementandanaggrandisedandhubristic

distortionofindividualthinking”(Blaug,2010,p.2).

SuttonusestheAmericanvernaculartoprovideawarningoftheeffectsoftoo

muchleadershipandnotsufficientlistening.He’saStanfordprofessorandhas

earnedcertainlatitudeinlanguage:hewarnsofadopting‘anasshole’persona

(Sutton,2010,2011).Sutton’sworkmightbeexpressedsimply:thoughmostof

usarebornpossessingone,thereisneedforustoresistbecomingone.Sutton

suggestsorganisationsandpressuredsituationsoftenresultinsuchapersona

developing:thelitmustest,Suttonargues,istoseeifthesuspectlicksup,kicks

down.Doessheorhecontributetothegrowthofpeersandshoulders

responsibilityforcreatingsharedsolutions?

Leadershipisanidentityweclotheourselvesin(orfindourselvessodressed)

butlikeallidentities,thesechange.Wengerarguesidentityisadevelopingsense

ofbelongingsomeplacewithsomepeople(Wenger,1998,p.72-85).Identityis“a

pivotbetweenthesocialandtheindividual”whichavoids“asimplisticindividual-

societydichotomywithoutdoingawaywiththedistinction”(ibid,p.145).For

Wengeranidentityisaconstantpractice,produced“asalivedexperienceof

participationinspecificcommunities”(ibid,p.153).Becausewearemembersof

multiplecommunitiesofpracticeorsocialgroups,ouridentityisnotfixed

(coach,mother,daughter,colleague,friend)butnuancedandmany,attuningto



15

differentsituations;weare,ineffect,chameleons.(Astaunchradical

behaviouristmayusementalistictermsfrequentlyifconditionsallow.)

Garfinkelsuggesthumanscanbeorganisationally‘incarnate’(Garfinkel,1967)

whileAhrnesuggestpeoplethatjoinsocialgroupingsororganisationsmight

becomehalf-humancentaurs,absorbingandembodyingthedominantidentity

rolesoforganisations(Ahrne,1994).Ouridentitiesthenareforgedbycontexts.

Ourrolesinformwhatwedoandhowwedoitandwhomwethinkare;ourroles

andplacesinsocialgroupsandorganisationscontributeto“makinguppeople”

(Hacking,1995).

Thisimplieswecaneachcraftanenablingleadershipstylemoreeasilyifwe

experiencebeingenabledourselves.Ifweexperiencebullyingmanagement,

authoritarianfigurescruellyhurtful,nobodyshouldbeintheleastsurprisedas

toitseffectoncultureandidentity.(Culturecanbedefinedintraditionallybroad

anthropologicalterms,ascomprising“theideas,beliefsandknowledgethat

characteriseaparticulargroupofpeople”(Fetterman,2010,p.16).Cultureishow

familiesdothingsandwhotheythinktheyare.Therearebenefitsforcoaches

fromtakingethnographicmethodswithfamilies.)

Identityissomethingcraftedinthedoingofwork,intheexchangesof

relationships,inplaces.Wengerarguesidentity“isalayeringofeventsof

participationandreificationbywhichourexperienceanditssocialinterpretation

informeachother.Asweencounteroureffectsupontheworldanddevelopour

relationswithothers,theselayersbuilduponeachothertoproduceouridentityas

averycomplexinterweavingofparticipativeexperienceandreification

projections”(Wenger,1998,p.151).Socialgroupscombinewithasenseofselfto

obligeustowriteourselveseachday,oftenusingsharedtropes(Giddens,1991;

Linde,1993).

Leadershipinfamiliesrequireseachoftheleaderstochallengepeopleandsay

enoughtalk,whoisgoingtodowhat?ThereisastoryassociatedwithJeanVanier

toldbypeoplewhoknowhim:followingoneinspirationalspeechonbelonging

andrenewalofL’Arche,Vaniercalledleadersofcommunitiestoameetingwhere

heslammedhisfistonthetable:“Sowhatarewegoingtodo?”Leadersknow

whentostoptalkingandstartdoing.

Leadersconstructmeaninganddirectionfromexistingknowledgeothersposses.

Theygivevoicetowhatisalreadythere,andifneedbe,askdemanding

questions.

WhatCounts?

Workingwithfamilieshastaughtmanyofustospeakless,soitfeelsrighttostop

writing–youmustbeboredbyallthefootnotes–butithasalsotaughtplentyof

ustospeakfromwithindifferentparadigmsandtropes,andtorespectthosewe



16

don’tknowenoughabout.Weknowthescienceofbehaviourisafundamental

startingpoint,butweknowhumanshavedifferentunderstandingsthatcan

enrichourwork.Therearedifferentpathstothesameend.

Myexperienceoffamiliesanddisabilityandbehaviourcomesfrommystory.

Dismissingthisexperienceasunreliablebecauseitisnotpartofarobust

researchprojecttellsyoumuchaboutthenomotheticandidiographicviews.My

experiencesalsocomefrombeingapractitioner.Thishasobligedmetofindthe

humaninthescience,andloveamidstobjectiveformulations,whethertheseare

peer-reviewedornot.Becauseobjectiveissubjective:valuesandnarrative

informthedataweselect.Mylessonsarisefrommyworkingforchange

alongsidefamiliesandstudents.Itcomesfrommakingmistakesandnot

followingmyownlearningthenrememberingtodoaquicksteptoavoidSutton’s

warning.

Whatwecountmightnotcounttofamilies.Whatmatterstofamiliesmight

notmattertothemetricsofeffectivenessouremployersseek.Ourrolethenisto

supportbylisteningthoserequiringaccesstoourexperience,andtoeducate

thoseresponsiblefordesigningprovisionandservices.Becausecurrentmetrics

ofefficientservicedeliverydon’taccountforlove.

DavidPitonyakasksustothinkaboutthis:if,whenyougethome,thepersonyou

areexpectingisn’tthere–ifyourparents,boyfriend,girlfriend,flatmates,

husband,wife,partner,childrenaren’tthere–ifyourfamilyisgone–andinstead

thereisastrangersittingatyourtable,Davidsuggeststhechancesareyou’dbe

prettytakenaback,notalittleupset.Theremightbechallengingbehaviour.

WhereisthepersonIlove?youmightholler.Thestrangeranswersdon’tworry,

I’managencynurse;wehaveyoucovered.Howdoyoufeel,Davidwantstoknow.

Howdoyoureact?

PhilipLarkinwroteapowerfullyquietpoemcalledTheMower;wefindLarkin

sombrebutmovedbysmallthings.*Difficulttomeasuresynapsesmakeme

wonderifthehedgehoginthepoem,anditsuntimelyfate,representmorethana

favouritegardencreature’sdemisecausingthepoettowonderatthefragilityof

preciouslives.

Thesmallthingsafamilyseeksarenotsmallthingstothem.Thesmall

reductionssignedoffbycommissionersarenotsmallthingstofamilies.

Austerityhaswroughtapathofhurtthroughfamilies.Thisisinevitablewhenwe

thinkservicesaretheonlyanswertotheneedsoffamilies.Ourapproachto

takingtimetolistentofamiliescanaddsalttothewoundornot.That’suptous

inlargemeasure.It’shelpfultoreflect,asLarkinsays,whilethereisstilltime.

*http://www.wussu.com/poems/pltm.htm



17

We’realwaysseekingsummaries,or‘takeaways’,keypointstohold.Butsimple

summariesinvariablyendupelegantlywrongbecausetheyarenotnuancedto

contexts.Butbroadly,coachesandpractitionerswillbenefitfromlistening

carefully–withoutprejudice–tofamilies.Parkingwhatyouknowbecausewhat

youknowmaynotbewhatfamiliesneed.Whatyouknowcanfillyourearswith

flufftosuchadegreeyouwillnotbeabletohearwhatissaidandwhatismeant

bythecodeoflanguage.Leadershiptendstofollowlistening.

ThebenefitsofPBSaremany:contextually-sensitiveuseoftechnologycanbring

claritytocomplexsituations.Youcan,asapractitionerorcoach,beexactlywhat

thefamilyneed,orpreciselywhattheydon’t.Therearemanypowerfulexamples

ofthepositiveimpactonfamilyandfriendshipsPBScan,atitsbest,enable(e.g.,

Fleisher,Ballard-Krishnan&Benito,2015).Butlet’snotbezealotsforPBS.Letus

behonest.ThereareexamplesofawfulnessthatclaimtobePBS(inhospitals,in

units,incommunitywork)thatAncientWisdom(andbooks)mightsuggestbear

thesamesimilaritytoPBSaspornographydoestolove.Wehavetoremember

thatvaluesasmuchassciencewerethefoundingprinciplesandremainthe

primarymethodsofPBS.

Challengingbehaviourisnotwhollyaboutbehaviour.Listeningtofamilies*can

widenouroptionswhenseekingtounderstandandrespondtobehaviourthatis

impactful.Thesemayincludeworkonstoriesaboutwhothechildisandwhat

familymeans.Often,achallengingbehaviourisbothoperantphenomenaeasily

reducedtocontingencyformulationandasymptomofanunquietlife,an

unheardcomplaintoranunmeasuredjoy.Challengingbehaviourisacalltoarms

toteachnewwaysofdoing,newwaysofbeing,andareminderforusto

rememberwhatwe’veforgottenweknow.Challengingbehaviourhasmultiple

meanings.

Behaviourmatters,butlivesmattermore.Responsesmatterbut

accomplishmentsmattermore.Ourknowledgematters,butservicematters

more.

*Winnie-the-Poohonlasttime?“Ifthepersonyouaretalkingtodoesn'tappeartobelistening,

bepatient.Itmaysimplybethathehasasmallpieceoffluffinhisear,”explainedPooh.Now

thinkoftiredparentsnotlisteningtoyou-thefifteenthprofessionalthey’veencounteredinas

manyweeks.Imaginethesheerdensityoftheflufflikelytoaccrueintheearsofparentswhofeel

aloneandunheard.



18

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