Leilanie A. Nicodemus, MD, MScM-FM Chair Department of Family Medicine Seamen’s Hospital

  The pictures used in the presentation were downloaded in the worldwide web. They are used to emphasise some issues and were not meant to promote or advocate sensitive issues that may challenge values or norms.

  Discuss family’s influence on health.

  Discuss common issues affecting Family dynamics and relationships of seafarers families.

  Present practical ways to keep family relationships healthy...and sexy.

  Divorced and unhappily married men and women have poorer immune function than those in healthier marriage. (Psychosomatic Med 1987;49(1):13-14)

  Conflict and criticism between family members can have negative influences on blood pressure, diabetes and immune function. (Behavioral therapy 1984;15(5):478-84)

  Women with few or no family support have 2 to 3 times mortality rate compared to other women who are recovering from Myocardial infarction. (Ann Intern Med 1992;117(12):1003-9)

 Newly married couple

 Psychological and sexual intimacy

 Development of roles, values and system

 Family with young children

  Providing security (emotional and environmental)

  Parenting

 Family with adolescents

  Discipline (control versus freedom)

  Social and sexual exploration

  Human capacity for Love is felt as Joy

  Human capacity for understanding is felt as Security

  Human capacity for choice is felt as Control

During transition

  Interrupted love is felt as Grief

  Loss of understanding is felt as Anxiety

  Denial of choice is felt as Anger

Role displacement

 Sense of redundancy in terms of domestic responsibility upon returning home.

 A result of partners of seafarers able to manage family and emotional responsibilities in their absence.

Absentee parenting (?)

  Sharing ideas, thoughts and feelings to the members of the family.

  It entails skill and attitude to be effective in conveying the message to others.

  Geniuneness - acknowledging personal weakness

  Empathy - seeing the perspective of the other

  Unconditional positive regard - suspending pre-judgment

“setting aside our feelings and thoughts temporarily so that we can put on the lenses of the other person thus enabling us to see the world from his/her point of view...”

Dionisio A, 2006

Active Listening - talking and listening from the heart

  Use “I” messages than “YOU”

  Better to start with what you need as member of the family rather than demanding for sensitivity or anticipation for your needs.

  Make “TEMPORARY SILENCE” a part of communication to give space and time for reflection.

  Experiment what works in your family.

Intimacy involving psychological and physical components of sexual relationships

Intermittent separation affects sexual relationship

 Misperceptions about being promiscuous

 Regaining intimacy upon returning home is difficult because of loss of familiarity or stress from work

Enhance physical attraction

  Physical fitness

  Proper grooming

  Sexy ways and actions

Improve foreplay

 Understand that women needs more enticing and encouragement

Provide more “couple time” upon returning home

  Re-establishing connection and psychological intimacy

Do more “cuddling and hugging”

 Re-establishing physical connection (smell, body contour)

Show deeds of affection

 Understand the “love language” of each one

 Use the effective techniques used during courtship days.

Seek professional help… a physician

a psychologist

If I had my child to raise a! over again, I’d build self-esteem first, and house later.

I’d finger-print more, and point the finger less. I would do less correcting and more connecting.

I’d take my eyes off my watch, and watch with my eyes. I’d take more hikes, fly more kites.

I’d stop playing serious, and seriously play. I would run through more fields and gaze more stars.

I’d more hugging and less tugging.