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grief recovery

We have all been educated to acquire things. We have beentaught how to get an education, get a job, buy a house,etc. There are colleges, universities, trade schools, and

technical schools. You can take courses in virtually anything thatmight interest you.

What education do we receive about dealing with loss? Whatschool do you go to learn to deal with the conflicting feelingscaused by significant emotional loss? Loss is so much morepredictable and inevitable than gain, and yet we are woefullyill-prepared to deal with loss.

One of the most damaging killer cliches about loss is: "Timeheals all wounds." When we present open lectures on the subject of 

Grief ❣ Recovery®

, we often ask if anyone is still feeling pain,isolation, or loneliness as the result of the death of a loved one20 or more years ago. There are always several hands raised inresponse to that question. Then we gently ask, “if time is going toheal, then 20 years still isn’t enough?”

While recovery from loss does take some time, it need nottake as much time as you have been led to believe. Recovery is

totally individual. There is no absolute time frame. Sometimes attempt to conform to other people’s time frames, we do oursgreat harm. This idea leads us to another of the killer cliches: should be over it by now."

It is bad enough that well-meaning, well-intentioned frieattack us with killer cliches, but then we start picking on ourseWe start believing that we are defective or somehow defibecause we haven’t recovered yet.

If we take just the two killer cliches we’ve mentioned so facan see that they have something in common. They both implya non-action will have some therapeutic or recovery value. Thwaiting, and letting some time pass, we will heal. Let’s add a

cliche to the batch: "You have to keep busy." Many grievers fothis incorrect advice and work two or three jobs. They fill theirwith endless tasks and chores. At the end of any given day, ahow they feel, invariably they report that their heart still feels broall they accomplished by staying busy was to get exhausted.

Now, with only three basic killer cliches we can severely and restrict our ability to participate in effective recovery. It is

Killer Clichés About LossSubmitted by Clary Funeral Home

William L. Harris, DDS

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only that people around us tell us these cliches, in an attempt tohelp, but we ourselves learned and practiced these false beliefsfor most of our lives. It is time for us to learn some new and helpfulbeliefs to assist us in grieving and completing relationships thathave ended or changed.

QUESTION: I have heard that it takes two years to get over thedeath of a loved one, five years to get over the death of a parent,and you never get over the death of a child. Is this true?ANSWER: Part of the problem is the phrase "get over." It is moreaccurate to say that you would never forget a child who had died,any more than you would ever forget a parent or a loved one.Another part of the problem is one of those killer cl iches we talkedabout, that time, of itself, is a recovery action. Although recoveryfrom loss does take some time, it is the actions within time thatlead to successful recovery.

The primary goal of Grief ❣ Recovery® is to help you “grieve andcomplete” your relationship to the pain caused by the emotionalchanges caused by death, divorce, and other losses. Successful

application of the principles and actions of Grief ❣ Recovery® allowyou to have fond memories not turn painful and help you retake ahappy and productive place in your own life. In addition, you regain

the ability to begin new relationships, rather than attempting toreplace or avoid past relationships.

This article was written by Russell P. Friedman, Executive Direc-

tor, and John. W. James, Founder, of The Grief Recovery Institute.

For more information about their programs and services, visit their 

website at www.griefrecoverymethod.com.

For your time of need, contact Clary Funeral Home, family 

owned and operated because it makes a difference. Please ask 

about our pre-planning options. Located at 3004 West Lake

Avenue, Peor ia, IL. Call us at 309-686-0166. Visit us on-l ine:

www.claryfunerals.com.

“Grief ❣ Recovery ®

allows you to have fond

memories not turn

painful and helps you

retake a happy and

productive place in

your own life.”

Find out more at www.CouriCenter.com

309-692-68386708 N. Knoxville Ave | Suite 1 | Peoria, IL 61614

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