AASK-Adults Adopting Special Kids April-June, 2011 Volume 7, Issue 4

Heart Times

AASK is a

collaborative program

of Catholic Charities

North Dakotaand

PATH

OUR MISSION

AASK commits to building

permanency for children from

foster care through

adoption by stable and nurturing families.

Meet Garret, an energetic, smiley 14-year-old who is very excited to nd a family he can have forever! Garret has already begun working toward his dream of becoming a famous author by writing a number of chapter books! His favorite thing to write about is Greek Mythology. Not only is Garret an aspiring author, but also a talented artist. He loves to spend time either writing, reading, drawing or thinking of different inventions. Recently, Garret said that if he doesn’t pursue writing or art, he’d like to become an adoption worker. He decided that he’d love to help children nd families, just as he is going to nd his “forever family!”Garret would like everyone to know that he cares for people who care about him. “I like looking out for my younger siblings.

I like to hang out with my family. I really like dogs. I am good at getting good grades in school. I want a family who will be there for me when I need them.” Garret describes his ideal family as one who enjoys doing activities with him. He dreams of one day having a family game night, as he loves to play Monopoly and is great at Scrabble! He has shown excellent sportsmanship during games and is happy for whoever wins. Garret thinks it would be fun to be an only child but would be happy with siblings of any kind, as well. He looks forward to taking family vacations some day. While Garret is very excited to spend time with a future family, he also enjoys his own space at times. He understands that trust is something that is earned and is ready to show that in a family setting.This creative teen has been described as “likeable” by those that know him and wants people to know that he is a ‘good kid’; an outgoing, kind young man who would love to have a family who loves him back. Garret is currently in the 8th grade and is able to achieve above average scores on all of his intellectual tests. He needs a family who will be there to encourage him with his schoolwork and be willing to access any supports that he may need.Garret has worked very hard in a highly structured environment to nd strategies to help him control his anger and have a more positive outlook on his situation. He is very proud of the progress that he has made in this area! He has needed to overcome many obstacles in his past and sees his treatment needs as just one more to triumph over. This is truly a determined young man! To learn more about this charismatic, imaginative boy, please contact Andrea Lang today at (701) 839-8887.

Meet our Featured Child ... Garret

Embrace the Role of Birth Parents in Adopted Children’s Lives by Ellen Singer, LCSW-C and Madeleine Krebs, LCSW-C, ©2011In their 1992 book, Adoption and the Family System, renowned adoption experts Ken Watson and Miriam Reitz de ned adoption as “a means of providing some children with security and meeting their developmental needs by legally transferring ongoing parental responsibilities from their birth parents to their adoptive parents; recognizing that in so doing, we have created a new kinship network that forever links those two families together through the child, who is shared by both.”The statement emphasizes the central role of the birth family in adoption, but many parents nd it hard to integrate this adoption reality into everyday life. If they are to promote their children’s best interests, adoptive parents must nd ways to accept and value birth relatives’ signi cance to adopted children. (...continued on page six)

Catholic Charities North Dakota Phone: 701-235-4457 Toll Free: 877-551-60545201 Bishops Boulevard - Suite B Fax: 701-356-7993Fargo, North Dakota 58104Andrea Donais AASK Worker 701-356-8027 adonais@catholiccharitiesnd.orgCorey Ernst AASK Program Supervisor 701-356-7987 cernst@catholiccharitiesnd.orgJennifer Foss AASK Worker/WWK Recruiter 701-356-7985 jfoss@catholiccharitiesnd.orgNancy Germain AASK Worker 701-356-8023 ngermain@catholiccharitiesnd.orgLeanne Johnson AASK Director 701-356-7986 ljohnson@catholiccharitiesnd.orgSonja McLean AASK Worker 701-356-7981 smclean@catholiccharitiesnd.orgKathy Quaife AASK Worker 701-356-8039 kquaife@catholiccharitiesnd.org

Catholic Charities North Dakota Phone: 701-775-4196311 S 4th Street - Suite 105 Fax: 701-775-0129 Grand Forks, North Dakota 58201 Tricia Heck AASK Worker 701-775-4196 theck@catholiccharitiesnd.orgAndrea Olson AASK Worker 701-775-4196 aolson@catholiccharitiesnd.org

PATH ND, Inc. Phone: 701-839-8887 2000 East Burdick Expressway Fax: 701-839-8990 Minot, North Dakota 58701 Andrea Lang AASK Worker 701-839-8887 alang@catholiccharitiesnd.orgAmanda Sem AASK Worker 701-839-8887 asem@catholiccharitiesnd.org

PATH ND, Inc. Phone: 701-662-4913 Toll Free: 800-766-93891820 East Walnut Street - Suite 5 Fax: 701-662-4963 Devils Lake, North Dakota 58301 Deanne Johnson AASK Worker 701-662-4913 djohnson@pathinc.org

PATH ND, Inc. Phone: 701-224-9611 Toll Free: 800-766-9279 418 East Broadway - Suite 25 Fax: 701-224-9747 Bismarck, North Dakota 58501 Joan Allen AASK Program Supervisor 701-224-9611 jallen@catholiccharitiesnd.org Kathy Watson AASK Worker 701-224-9611 kathy@catholiccharitiesnd.org

PATH ND, Inc. Phone: 701-225-3310 Toll Free: 800-766-9351 135 Sims Street - Suite 204 Fax: 701-225-2208Dickinson, North Dakota 58601 Linda Gregory AASK Worker 701-225-3310 lgregory@pathinc.org

PATH ND, Inc. Phone: 701-477-0525 Toll Free: 800-303-4961 Turtle Mountain Fax: 701-477-0527 PO Box 1970 Belcourt, North Dakota 58316-1970 Phone: 701-477-0525 Fax: 701-477-0527

AASK Staff Contact Information

Director’s Corner by Leanne JohnsonWhile preparing for my participation in the Fargo Marathon’s 5K and 10K events, I found myself doing a lot of self-talk that went something like, “I think I can! I think I can!” I chuckled, remembering the childhood story of The Little Engine That Could. I was also struck with the realization that this particular quarter holds so many special recognition events: Mother’s and Father’s Day and Foster Parent Awareness Month, to name but a few. I wondered how many parents, grandparents and caretakers were feeling at the end of their ropes but found the inner strength, likely with the support of their Higher Power, to move forward; to move from the “thinking” to the “doing” and possibly even to the “doing, doing, done!” stage of active parenting.

They say anything worthwhile is never easy. I thank each and every caregiver for the impact you have on each child and youth who have entered your life’s path. I’m humbled by the energy, determination and commitment of the families this program has been honored to serve. You are an amazing group of individuals. As I reached the 10K nish line, I knew the blisters, sore muscles and exhausted body was worth it! May each of you nd your blessing in the midst of your day-to-day struggles!

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John is a sweet and funny 10-year-old who loves to tease and give lots of hugs! This young man is an animal lover and says he would like to be a farmer one day.To tell you about himself, John says “I love to eat lasagna, lettuce, carrots and cabbage. I love to play games on the computer and play with marbles. I love to color. I love horses, cows,

ducks, kittens, dogs and puppies. I love basketball, soccer and volleyball. I want to say hello to my new family!”John is in the third grade. Right now, he says he likes math the best. He has made great gains academically and is already becoming a wonderful reader and cursive writer! John responds best to patience and consistency and does well when he is given choices. When he gets upset, it’s helpful for him to leave the situation and have a chance to relax before returning to it. Playing with marbles and toy animals is a good relaxation tool.John has 4 brothers and 1 sister. He loves being with them and hopes for this contact to continue once he is adopted. He is also close to his foster family and would like this relationship to continue, as well. John says his ideal family is one that lives in the country, loves animals and likes to play games! He needs a dedicated family who will be patient with him and encourage him to do his best. John is also a member of a Native American tribe, so the tribe’s order of preference will need to be regarded when considering families. To nd out more about John, please contact Amanda Sem right away at (701) 839-8887.

Meet Our Waiting Children

This guy is a real charmer who is certain to tug on your heartstrings! Dimitry is a very soft-spoken and engaging young man, who will be turning 14 this summer. On the ip-side, he has an incredibly sharp wit and dry sense of humor and loves to horse around and be silly. Dimitry loves to tease and poke fun at those he knows well. He isn’t really into sports but does enjoy listening to rock or pop music, eating at McDonald’s or Wendy’s, playing video games and going to movies. Dimitry likes solving word- nd and Rubik’s Cube puzzles and playing ‘cops’ with other kids. He wants to be a police of cer when he’s an adult. Dimitry just LOVES a great crime- ghting thriller, his favorites being “Criminal Minds” and the “CSI” series. He loves the challenge of analyzing the plot and probable outcome of each episode.

Dimitry was adopted from Russia at a very young age and takes great pride in his Russian heritage. He learned English after moving here. Dimitry is physically-healthy and recently underwent a successful surgery to correct the strabismus in his right eye. He wears a retainer on his teeth and will need follow-up with an orthodontist. Dimitry is open to be adopted by a family who has other children, but would like to be the oldest child, if possible. Dimitry has no allergies to pets. He loves dogs but it would help if the dog in his home was an older, quieter one.

Dimitry’s ideal adoptive family will not be on-the-go constantly and will be able to support and respect his need for some at-home family time. Dimitry’s team would like to nd a forever family for him who is able to assist him with organizational skills and who demonstrates an ability to be consistent, structured and nurturing at the same time. Most importantly, Dimitry needs a family that is willing to give him unconditional love and acceptance. If you feel that yours is the family for this wonderful young man, please contact Nancy Germain at (701) 356-8023.

Man, does this kid love his ice cream! At a recent trip to Perkins, Sawyer , 12, was able to put down an entire chocolate shake PLUS a cookie-and-ice-cream sundae! Sawyer is de nitely in a growth spurt and he has the appetite to prove it. His most recent (and very proud) accomplishment was passing the ve foot mark!Sawyer is enjoying spring and liking the extra time outside. If he could, he’d spend hours outdoors exploring. Sawyer is also into both watching and playing sports and would love to play on a school's football and basketball teams. Speaking of school, Sawyer does well academically. Math seems to come easy for him and he enjoys Social Studies. Sawyer has an older brother and younger sister with whom he would like to maintain contact. Although his brother's family is not a long term placement option for him, they have been a tremendous support for Sawyer and would be for his adoptive family as well. Sawyer has phone calls every couple of weeks with his younger sister in which you can really hear the kind, gentle and nurturing side of this young man shine through! While Sawyer continues to love his birth family, he also understands that he deserves a family that will be his forever. Sawyer is featured in this year ’s Heart Gallery. Check out his wonderful photos at www.ndheartgallery.org. If your family would love to follow the local basketball game up with a celebratory ice cream treat, you may just be the right match for Sawyer! Please contact Andrea Olson at (701) 775-4196. 3

More Waiting Children

Here is a young man who is sure to put a smile on your face! Antonio, 11, is energetic, full of life and enjoys telling jokes and making people laugh.

Antonio, who prefers to go by Tony, loves to play indoors and out. He loves winter weather for snowboarding and playing in the snow but also loves spring so that he can ride bike and play sports outside. He also likes to play indoors, especially with Beyblade toys and remote control cars!Tony is initially quiet when you rst meet him. However, once he gets to know you, he’s very talkative and unafraid to ask questions and joke around! He’s also a physically affectionate and caring kid who enjoys spending time with others. This young man will melt your heart with his energy, enthusiasm and ability to make you laugh.Tony is very bright and states he likes school. He is able to get good grades when he focuses on his work. Tony is a child who thrives on positive reinforcement and affection. Tony is of Native American and Dominican descent and speaks uent Spanish. It is important that his forever family support and encourage his cultural identity and provide positive role models for him to grow in this area of his life. Also, it is important that his forever family support ongoing use of his second language.Tony has two siblings with whom continued contact is recommended. It will be important that Tony’s forever family be open to continued contact with his younger brother as well as his sister and her family. Tony’s sister has been a great support for him throughout his time in care. Although due to circumstances beyond their control the children are not placed in the same home, their bond remains strong and healthy.Tony is a fun-loving, active young man with a lot of love to offer. If you believe Tony could be a part of your forever family please contact Andrea Olson at (701) 775-4196.

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Caleigh is 13 years old and in desperate need of an adoptive family to call her very own! She has been through much trauma, change and loss over the years and deserves a family who is completely invested in her well-being. Recently entering the teenage world, Caleigh had a blast celebrating her birthday with her younger sisters at a bowling party! Caleigh enjoys a variety of activities such as roller blading, jumping on her pogo stick, going shopping or out to eat,

swimming at the lake or in a pool, bike riding and playing games, such as Dominoes and Monopoly. Caleigh experiences challenges in school due to being easily distracted, restless and unorganized. She can feel inadequate at school and give up easily when faced with challenges. Next year she will be in the regular classroom with the ability to access a co-teacher if she is struggling in a subject area. It is important for Caleigh to have exposure to reading as often as possible. Caleigh will need exposure to various social activity opportunities, as she is in the process of developing age appropriate social skills. Her ideal family would consist of possibly one or two other children at most. They would have a love for animals (especially cats!), enjoy playing board games, have a warm, inviting home atmosphere and the ability to love unconditionally. They’d have a sense of adventure and humor and most of all, a strong desire to be her family forever. Caleigh’s forever family will need to be extremely patient with her as she works through her losses and begins to attach to them. Caleigh needs a family who is dedicated to her, no matter what the circumstances, and who will never give up. Caleigh’s forever family will need to understand the importance of and be open to ongoing connections with her sisters, grandparents and her foster family, as they all have positive relationships with her.

Please contact Jennifer Foss today at (701) 356-7985 to learn more about Caleigh.

“It has been said that adoption is more like a marriage than a birth: two (or more) individuals, each with their own unique mix of needs, patterns and genetic history,

coming together with love, hope and commitment for a joint future. You become a family not because you share the same genes, but because you share love for each other.”

- Joan McNamara

Meet More Waiting Children

To learn more about some of these Waiting Children,

please visit the at www.ndheartgallery.

Zackery (who is known as Zack) is anxious to meet his forever family!Some of his favorite activities include coloring and playing outside. He likes to play with Play-Doh, watch movies and play Wii. Zack would rather play gentle than be "rough and tough" with other boys. Zack is six years old but plays best with children older than himself.Zack is enrolled in Kindergarten for next fall. His foster mother states

that he is ready for Kindergarten academically, as he knows his ABC's, counting and can spell his name. Kindergarten will be a good way for him to continue to learn socialization skills. Zack currently goes to a small home daycare where he has many friends.An adoptive family must be willing to implement provider recommendations for day-to-day parenting. Zack's adoptive family must be willing to commit to being an active part of long term therapy with him.Zack would do best in a two-parent home with children older than himself, as he can be competitive for attention and can be jealous of other children his age. His team is recommending a slow transition into an adoptive family's home to ensure stability for Zack. His foster family is open to being a continued sup-port to Zack and his forever family. Zack is very excited that his team is looking for an adoptive family for him! If you would like to learn more about Zack and his needs, please contact Sonja McLean right away at (701) 356-8027.

Compassionate, resilient and intelligent…three qualities that make Makenze unique! Eleven-year-old Mak likes to learn and is inquisitive beyond his age. He is able to compromise and has the potential to do great things. Mak is sweet and huggable, funny, courteous, well-mannered and truthful. He has good insight and can admit to his wrong-doings. Mak needs a family that will commit to him and work with him through trying times. Mak's family will need to be consistent and straight-forward, while also offering him lots of love and support. They need to be committed and patient, with the ability to be exible. Mak responds well to clear and immediate expectations and consequences. He would do best in a family that enjoys the outdoors but is not overly active, so as to enjoy some family downtime at home together. Mak likes playing games, drawing and making paper airplanes. He is fun to play with and be around. Mak likes to joke and be silly, but knows when to be serious, too. When asked what makes him special and unique, Mak said he is good at sports and origami, "… and I'm perfect! Ha! Ha!" Mak loves playing outside and thrives from physical exertion. He does best when his mind is challenged and his hands are busy. Mak loves building with Legos and tinkering with things he can build or try to x. He is curious, creative and inventive. When asked what three things make him most happy, Mak responded, "Playing, gaming and eating." He loves riding his bike and spending as much time outside as possible. Mak said that one of the most

important things to him, however, is to " nd a forever family where I can have my cat." Winchester is declawed and not used to the outdoors, so a family who would allow Winchester to continue being an indoor cat is essential. Mak is excited to nd and meet his forever family. He looks at adoption with hope and excitement. Mak wants a nice family that does not yell and "one that is there, no matter what." Mak would greatly bene t from a strong, actively involved father. He would also like a mom that is not too busy to go outside and play. Mak enjoys helping others and is willing to help with things around the house, especially if it means more time to play with Mom and Dad! If you feel you are the family for this smart, caring, charismatic young man, please contact adoption worker Trich Heck today at (701) 775-4196.

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Embrace the Role of Birth Parents in Adopted Children’s Lives (continued) (...continued from page one)Case One: Johnny, age 3, was placed in foster care with the Browns due to neglect. They grew to love Johnny and hoped to adopt him. Ms. Marshall, Johnny’s birth mother, never missed a visit and grew close to the Browns, but it was obvious she could not keep Johnny safe. Johnny’s permanency plan became adoption. When she learned that Johnny could not come home, Ms. Marshall agreed to relinquish her parental rights if the Browns signed an open adoption agreement. Much to everyone’s surprise, the Browns refused. They were convinced that the agreement would undermine their parental rights. Would the Browns permit contact without an agreement? They were noncommittal.Case Two: Siblings Alicia and Brandon were placed in foster care with Mr. and Mrs. Hall

after their mother’s boyfriend was charged with abusing the children, then ages 8 and 7. When the Halls adopted the children 2 years later, they agreed informally to maintain contact with the children’s birth mother, a woman with whom they had come to feel comfortable. After nalization, however, the Halls moved to another state, leaving no forwarding address.Adoptive Parents’ Attitudes Toward Birth Family Members: Like many foster/adoptive parents, the Browns and the Halls struggled with the question of what birth family members meant to their children and agonized about the role birth family members should have in their children’s/family’s lives. This issue is just one of many complex forces that come into play during parents’ adoption journeys.While many parents choose to adopt rst or to expand their family through adoption, others come to adoption along the painful road of infertility. For many of these deeply disappointed, battle weary and grief-stricken adults, adoption may be their second or even third parenthood choice. They dream of regaining some semblance of normalcy, of raising children as their friends and colleagues do.For couples with an infertility history, birth parents signify another potential disappointment. Would-be adoptive parents may empathize with birth parents, but the birth parents’ loss is the adoptive parents’ gain and emotions are complicated. Whether parents adopt an infant or a child from care, there are nagging concerns: “Will this child return to her birth family?” “Will the birth parents relinquish the child if we agree to an open adoption?” “How long will it take for parental rights to be terminated?”An infant or child in foster care may have been prenatally exposed to drugs or alcohol or suffered abuse or neglect within his birth family, realities that cast a negative light on birth parents. Pre-adoptive parents may also worry that children will be distressed by a sense of con icted allegiances; adoptive parents want children to attach and leave past trouble behind.Though adoptions were open until the mid-20th century, the closed adoption practices and mindset that followed left a damaging legacy. Closed adoption, by severing all ties between the birth and adoptive parents and their child, effectively devalues birth parents and leads some adoptive parents to believe that birth parents should be completely absent in their children’s lives. Adoptive parents don’t want to have to compete for authenticity, their right to parent or their right to create a secure sense of family belonging for their adopted child.Not surprisingly, many parents don’t know how to incorporate the birth family’s signi cance as they work to secure the child’s place in his new family. Even the most secure adoptive parents fear that they will lose the child’s love to his birth parents or never win the child’s love at all. Parents also want to protect children from painful feelings evoked by birth parent contact. They cannot fathom how a child can love a birth parent who mistreated him or did nothing to keep him from being mistreated by others.Through the Eyes of Children: Years of research and practice con rm that adopted children think a lot about their birth parents. In fact, a 2003-2004 C.A.S.E. survey of children transitioning into adoptive homes found that they thought about their birth parents “all the time.” Thoughts often involved unanswered questions: “Does my birth mom ever think about me?” “Why didn’t my parents come back for me like they promised?” “Where are my birth parents?” “Do I have any new brothers or sisters?” “Am I going to be just like my mom or dad?”We see grief in their behavior, the anger, the sadness and the confusion. In counseling sessions, adopted children share how painful it is to keep thoughts about their birth parents to themselves; how they have to hide their interest in reconnecting with birth family members or the fact that they have already made contacts. Some youth struggle with loyalty con icts, accurately sensing how threatened their adoptive parents feel when birth parents are even mentioned.In Ambiguous Loss: Learning to Live with Unresolved Grief, author Pauline Boss explains the dynamics of losing someone’s physical presence (like an adopted child’s birth parent) but keeping the person psychologically present. She describes the anxiety and confusion that arise from a loss that has no closure. (continued on page 8) 6

CONGRATULATIONS!Congratulations to these families who recently celebrated the

legal nalization of their adoptions!

Miley with Johnny and Christine

Aries and Jordan with Loren and Kandi

Bristol, Keira, Levi and McKenzie with Richard and Windy

Grace and Tearzyn with Martin and Barbara

Ja’cquez, Kashawn, La’Riya, Nehemiah and Quintesha with Myron and Linda

Chloe and Mackenzie with Tammie

Vincent with Jennifer

Avia with Jacob and Andrea

Faith with Todd and Deborah

Nicholas and Samuel with Dean and Kim

Mykel with Leonard and Rocky

Aaron and Amber with Sandra

Shana with George and Tammy

Keityn with Kara

Deacon, Gaven, Hailey & Rhiannon with Donald and Coleen

“I realized at the start that whether a child is biological or adopted, one does not know all the ingredients in the package. That is what growth is all about. A child is the slowest ower in the world, opening petal by petal, revealing the developing personality within.” - Robert Klose

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Embrace the Role of Birth Parents in Adopted Children’s Lives (continued) (continued from page six)

Unless a birth parent dies, an adopted child will experience physical loss but cannot rule out the possibility of regaining contact with his rst family. The constant and ongoing absence of a living birth parent makes a child think more about that person. How Adoptive Parents Can Help their Children: To promote the adoptive family’s well-being, parents must let go of fear, mistrust and anxiety so they can provide the help their children need. Adopted children and teens need parents to guide them as they work to identify, understand and cope with feelings about their birth parents. Adopted adults repeatedly tell us that as they were growing up, they most valued support, not efforts to protect them from painful feelings. First, adoptive parents must realize that their children must be deeply distressed by their birth family’s absences - even if they were removed due to neglect or abuse. Adopted children who lived for years with their birth family were taken from a familiar setting and

familiar people with whom they had some good experiences as well as dif cult times. It was all they knew.In their adoptive family, adopted children need permission to hold on to birth family memories and to share them without fear of reprisal. In addition, to help a child feel good about herself, adoptive parents need to express some genuinely positive validation of her birth family. This is no small task for parents whose children were hurt and traumatized by their birth family, but it is key for positive identity formation.Second, adoptive parents must learn how to communicate with children about the children’s birth parents. They should read, attend workshops and talk with other parents and professionals about sharing the adoption story with their children - especially when the story involves dif cult information about members of the birth family. Betsey Keefer and Jayne Schooler, in Telling the Truth to Your Foster or Adopted Child, offer guidelines for these conversations.In talking with children, parents should carefully distinguish between birth parents as people with good qualities and the problematic behavior that arose from their poor choices. People who make bad choices are more sympathetic to children than bad people. If they grasp the concept of choice, children should also realize that they are not destined to have their birth parents’ problems.Birth Family Contact: Birth family contact is not a one-size- ts-all model. There is no special time or way in which connections can occur. Especially in adoptions from foster care, birth family/adoptive family relationships can be very complicated and parents may need professional support to navigate potentially rough waters.Obviously, personal contact with birth parents is not always possible. A parent may be severely mentally ill, addicted to drugs or in prison. Other birth parents might be so angry that there is no basis for trust between them and the adoptive family. There are, however, still safe options for contact, like monitored letters and emails or visits limited to public places or a therapist’s of ce. As people and circumstances change, contact arrangements can be revised.Because her birth mother had a long history of substance abuse, Mary and her older siblings spent years in foster care. Mary was adopted at age 4 without her siblings, but her new family kept in touch with the birth family. When Mary turned 14, she asked to see her birth family again. Despite their misgivings, her parents agreed to the request and prepared for the reunion.After both families spent time together, Mary’s parents allowed her to have some alone time with her birth family. When they were alone, Mary’s birth mother and several of her siblings began to disparage Mary’s adoptive parents and tell lies about them. Only one sibling set the record straight.With help from her therapist, Mary decided that she would continue contact only with the truthful sibling. She didn’t feel ready to allow her birth mother and other siblings further into her life for at least several years.For many children, it is also important to maintain connections with prior foster parents and other adults the child remembers fondly. Adoptive parents should strive to honor their child’s prior connections. When possible, parents can help their children reconnect with favorite foster parents, coaches, teachers or other mentors.Adoption expert Sharon Roszia, author of The Open Adoption Experience, spoke at C.A.S.E.’s 2005 conference for adoptive parents and children. In her keynote address, “Honoring Children’s Connections,” Roszia reminded the audience that, when it comes to the link between adopted children and birth families, the question is not, “To whom does this child belong?” but “Who belongs to this child?” Adoption does not and should not erase prior relationships; instead, it should be a safe place from which children can make sense of their past and gain con dence about their future.From Adoptalk, published by the North American Council on Adoptable Children, St. Paul, Minnesota; 651-644-3036; www.nacac.org. Reprinted with the permission of Ellen Singer, LCSW-C of The Center for Adoption Support and Education. Ellen Singer is an adoption therapist and educator and Madeleine Krebs is the clinical coordinator at the Center for Adoption Support and Education, Inc. (C.A.S.E.) in Maryland. Learn more at www.adoptionsupport.org. 8

Meet our Featured Family ... The Derrys!

Spotlight on Staff: Jane Dickerson

Meet David and Susan Derry! They are a fun-loving couple who love to be out exploring the world with each other and their two sons, Ryan and Christopher. It was about eleven years ago when David and Susan began to discuss adding children to their family. David and Susan prayed about beginning a family and came to the conclusion that they were to grow their family through adoption. David and Susan adopted their two sons from the Ukraine through an intercountry adoption in September, 2000. What a blessing Ryan, now 11, and Christopher, now 10, are! The boys are excited to share their home with new brothers or sisters. David is the owner of his own business, which does corrosion inspection prevention. Susan is enrolled in the Medical School at the University of North Dakota. She is completing her residency rotations now and excited both to be nishing in the near future and to begin her practice. As the owner of an established business, David is able to have a exible schedule and Susan is able to adapt her schedule to meet the needs of her family as well. This suits the couple well, as their boys are involved in community activities and the family likes to take an occasional long

weekend to go on mini-vacations at local points of interest!David and Susan both grew up on the west coast, where the majority of their family remains, but they have found that for their lifestyle, the quality of living here in North Dakota is a better match for their family. They enjoy the sense of community offered in Grand Forks. David and Susan are active in their faith community. Theirs is the home on the block where neighborhood children like to gather. Their large back and side yards offer room for all kinds of activities, including football games, jumping on the trampoline and even fort-building. David and Susan are hoping to add at least two more children to their family. They are open to sibling groups, but also know that if their hearts are drawn to single children that they will accept God’s direction in that case and simply adopt again in the future. As licensed foster parents, David and Susan have had the opportunity to have young girls in the home and Susan knows in her heart that she is longing to have at least one daughter. The xing of hair and playing of Barbies quite simply puts a smile both on Susan’s face and in her heart! Best wishes to this wonderful family as they continue on their adoption journey!

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Hello! My name is Jane Dickerson. I have been the AASK Administrative Assistant since April, 2009. I work with Leanne Johnson in the Fargo of ce and love my job. Each day brings new challenges and experiences; there’s never a dull moment!I’ve lived in the Fargo-Moorhead area since moving here with my family at the age of 5. I grew up with 3 sisters in rural Moorhead. During high school and while I studied Mass Communications at Moorhead State University, I was a volunteer with the Rape and Abuse Crisis Center. Years later, after 8 years in the Circulation Department at The Forum, I became secretary for the Rape and Abuse Crisis Center, where I worked for almost 4 years. After 9 years with the National Electrical Contractors Association, I was fortunate enough to be welcomed into the AASK team. I feel honored to be even a small part of this awesome program. It feels great being part of an organization that makes such a positive difference in so many people’s lives. Plus, I have never known such kind, caring people as my co-workers. My husband, Todd, and I recently celebrated our 12th anniversary. Our daughters, Skyler (9) and Avery (8), bring so much joy into our lives and keep us busy with Girl Scouts, piano lessons, gymnastics, swimming and their many other activities.

Between my work here with the AASK program and my wonderful family, I truly do feel blessed.

What’s Cooking! Submitted by Julie Hoffman, State Adoption Administrator ~ Asian Chicken Slaw ~

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Part chicken salad and part coleslaw, this unique dish uses a prepared mix so it can be made quickly, especially if you buy a roasted chicken. Serve as salad or sandwich wrap.

INGREDIENTS1 (16-ounce) bag coleslaw mix 1 pound cooked chicken, shredded 2 cups broccoli orets, blanched DRESSING INGREDIENTS1 cup sugar snap peas 1/4 cup soy sauce1 red bell pepper, thinly sliced 2 tablespoons white vinegar1 cup sliced scallions 2 tablespoons smooth peanut butter1/2 cup chopped cashews (optional) 1 tablespoon sugar 2 cloves garlic, minced 1 teaspoon freshly grated ginger 1/2 cup canola oil 1 tablespoon sesame oil INSTRUCTIONS In a large bowl, toss together the coleslaw mix, chicken, broccoli, snap peas, red pepper and scallions. In a medium bowl, stir the soy sauce, vinegar, peanut butter, sugar, minced garlic and grated ginger until well blended. Slowly whisk in the canola oil and sesame oil. Season the mixture with salt and pepper to taste. Toss the salad with the dressing. Offer chopped cashews on the side as a crunchy topping, if you like. Makes 10 servings.

~ MANDAN, NORTH DAKOTA ~Below is a list of the PRIDE Trainings currently scheduled to be held in the Executive Room at the Seven Seas in Mandan. Friday night sessions run from 6:30-9:30; Saturday from 8:30 a.m. to 6:30 p.m. Please keep in mind that you must attend both weekends to complete the 27 hours of training. To schedule in Mandan, please contact Janna Stein at the Bismarck PATH of ce at (701) 224-9611 or (800) 766-9279.

Fall 2011 Winter 2012 Spring 2012 Fall 2012October 14-15, 2011 January 6-7, 2012 March 2-3, 2012 October 26-27, 2012October 28-29, 2011 January 20-21, 2012 March 23-24, 2012 November 16-17, 2012

~ FARGO, NORTH DAKOTA ~Here are the PRIDE Trainings currently scheduled to be held in the St. Gabriel Room at Catholic Charities North Dakota in Fargo. Friday night sessions run from 6:00-9:00; Saturdays from 8:00 a.m. to 5:00 p.m.September 17, September 24 and October 8: To schedule, contact Rose Vaudrin at (701) 239-6804.October 14-15 and October 28-29: To schedule, contact Clare Mark at (701) 280-9545.

Upcoming PRIDE Schedules

Kids’ Corner: Mosaic Flowerpot

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Preserve old treasures while creating a useful gift! Materials NeededNewspaper Pieces of broken pottery, tiles, beads, marbles, beach glass, shells or charms Ceramic tile grout (available at hardware stores) Plastic knife Terra-cotta owerpot Sponge Instructions Cover your work area with newspaper. Before starting to decorate the pot, a parent should sort through the pottery pieces and discard any with sharp edges.Spread a heavy layer of tile grout onto the owerpot with the plastic knife. Press the tile pieces into the wet grout. When done, spread a little more grout between the pieces so most of the broken edges are covered. After the pot is dry, wipe off any grout lm with damp sponge.

Heart Times Newsletter OnlineDid you know that you can access the Heart Times newsletter online?

Just visit the AASK Program’s website at www.aasknd.org. If you would like to view the newsletter online instead of receiving a copy in the mail, please contact

Jane at (701) 356-7988.

May is National Foster Care MonthEach May, National Foster Care Month provides an opportunity to shine a light on the experiences of the more than 400,000 young people in the foster care system. The campaign raises awareness about the urgent needs of these young people and encourages all citizens to get involved, as foster or adoptive parents, volunteers, mentors, employers or in other ways.

With the help of dedicated people, many formerly abused or neglected children and teens will either reunite safely with their parents, be cared for by relatives or be adopted by loving families. Many children wouldn’t have to enter foster care at all if more states provided support/services to help families cope with crises early on.Thanks to the many advocates, child welfare professionals, elected of cials and support groups around the country, the total number of children in foster care has decreased over recent years. But more help is needed. Every year, approximately 30,000 young people leave the foster care system without lifelong families, most at age 18. On their own, these young adults must navigate a weakened economy offering fewer jobs and less support for vital services such as housing. They need and deserve caring adults who love and support them.We call on all Americans to join us in helping to change a lifetime of a child in foster care. No matter who you are or how much time you can give, you can help create permanent, lifelong connections for these youth. All children, including the 424,000 American youth in foster care, deserve a safe, happy life. Please visit www.fostercaremonth.org to nd out more about the many ways you can get involved and make a lasting difference for America’s children!

ADULTS ADOPTING SPECIAL KIDS CATHOLIC CHARITIES ND 5201 BISHOPS BLVD - STE B

FARGO ND

The month of May is National Foster Care Month. It is a time to remember children in foster care and also a time to honor families who have stepped forward to meet the challenges of providing care to these children.

A ribbon-tying ceremony was held at the West Acres Mall in Fargo for National Foster Care Month on May 9, 2011.

In Cass County alone, there were 193 children in foster care placement and 70 children in therapeutic foster care placement as of February, 2011.

In that same month, 81 licensed family foster homes and 59 licensed therapeutic foster homes were available to these children in Cass County.

May is National Foster Care Month