Dedication

Therearemanythingsinlifethatsuck.Joyisn’toneofthem.

Toallwhohavetaughtmetoaccessjoy,especiallyinmydarkesthours,thankyou.

Contents

Dedication

INTRODUCTIONHowILearnedtoBeJollyforFunandProfit

CHAPTERONEJoyBecomesYou

Surprising(andNot-So-Surprising)BenefitsofMindTraining

CHAPTERTWOJustOneBreath?SurelyYouJestHowJoyCanBeginwiththeFirstBreath

CHAPTERTHREEFromOneBreathtoOneGoogol

SettlingintoSustainableJoy

CHAPTERFOURWhat,MeHappy?

IncliningtheMindTowardJoy

CHAPTERFIVEUplifttheMindinSecondsTheJoyofHeartPractices

CHAPTERSIXHappinessIsFullofCrapWorkingwithEmotionalPain

CHAPTERSEVENTheGreatMindIsBetterthanSexAnExplorationBeyondWorldlyPleasures

EPILOGUEDon’tStopandDon’tStrain

Acknowledgments

Notes

AbouttheAuthor

Praise

Credits

Copyright

AboutthePublisher

INTRODUCTION

HowILearnedtoBeJollyforFunandProfit

Letmetellyoumystory.Onceupona time, therewasasmartandhappyboywho,attwenty-one,hadgrownintoajoyful,confident,andwell-adjustedyoungman.Thatwasn’tme.

I was born in Singapore in 1970. That year, tiny Singapore was a poordevelopingcountrywithnonaturalresources.BythetimeIturnedtwenty-one,Singaporehadbecomearichcountrywithoneofthehighestper-capitaincomesintheworld.ItwastheSingaporeeconomicmiracle.Myfamily’sfortunegrewintandemwiththatnationaleconomicmiracle.Myfatherhadstartedhiscareerasaten-year-oldhawkersellingwaresalongthestreetsofdowntownSingapore.AfewyearsbeforeIwasborn,hejoinedthearmytogetoutofpoverty.WhenIwasaninfant,weweresopoor,mymotherresortedtoeatingonlyoneandahalfmeals a day to conserve what little money we had. Fast-forward twenty-oneyears:my father had retired from the army as a high-ranking officer and hadgoneontobecomeawealthybusinessleader.

WhenIwas twelve, I taughtmyself toprogramacomputer,whichback in1982,wasabigdeal.Byfifteen,Iwonmyfirstofmanynationalprogrammingawards. Almost fifteen years after that, when I was twenty-nine, myprogrammingskills landedmea jobasoneof theearliestengineersata smallstartupcompanycalledGoogle(whichhasgrownalittlebiggersinceIjoinedin2000).AtGoogle, Iwas so notorious formy jolliness andhumor thatmy jobtitlebecame“JollyGoodFellow(whichnobodycandeny).”Itstartedasajoke,but it stuck after it made the front page of The New York Times.1 I also didsomethingatGooglethatshouldbequiteoutofcharacterforanengineer:Iledthecreationofamindfulness-basedemotionalintelligencecoursecalledSearchInsideYourself.ItbecamethemostpopularcourseatGoogleandthesubjectofaninternationalbestsellingbookofthesamename,endorsedbytheDalaiLamaand JimmyCarter, former President of theUnited States.Almost overnight, Ibecamewidely recognized as an expert on topics that a geekyAsian engineer

should have no business being associated with: emotional intelligence,mindfulness, compassion, and inner joy. I spoke at the White House aboutdeveloping kindness and delivered a TED Talk at the United Nations aboutcompassion.260Minutesinterviewedmeforastoryonmindfulness,3andCNNdidastoryonmy“algorithmforhappiness.”4

From this story,youwould think that Ihavealwaysbeenhappy.Actually,nope. In fact, I spentmostofmyearly lifeon thewrongendof thehappinessspectrum.UpuntilIwastwenty-one,Iwasmiserable.Miserywasmyconstantcompanion,and thisconstantcompanionsmelled like ithadn’t showeredsinceNixonwaspresident.

Happinesswasnotsomethingthatcamenaturallytome—itwasaskillIhadtolearn.

HappinessIsHighlyTrainable

Onceuponatime,aChineseguywenttoseeafortune-teller.Afterthefortune-tellerreadhispalmscarefully,shesaidtohim,“Youaremiserablenow,andyouwillcontinue tosuffermiseryuntilyouturnforty.”Heaskedexcitedly,“Whathappensafterforty?Willmymiseryfinallygoaway?”Andshesaid,“No,afterforty,you’llgetusedtoit.”Thatwasnotmeeither.

Fortunately forme,my story had amuch happier ending. IwasmiserableuntilIwastwenty-one.Thatyear,Ilearnedthattheabilitytoaccessjoyishighly

trainable.Idevelopedtheskillstoaccessjoy,andIbecamehappy.Thisbookisaboutthoseskills,sothatyou,too,canlearnthemandbehappy.

Studiessuggestthatpeoplehavearemarkableabilitytoadapttobothgoodandbadfortune,andthatweeachhavearelativelystablelevelofhappinessthatwe eventually return to even after major positive or negative life events. Afamous 1978 study, for example, shows that even people who won a lot ofmoneyinthelottery,orwhowereparalyzedinaccidents,eventuallyreturnedtotheir average levelsofhappiness.5A1996 study involving twins suggests thatroughlyhalfofourhappiness isassociatedwithourgeneticmakeup.6Noneofthe other factors studied, including socioeconomic status, education, familyincome,maritalstatus,orreligiositycouldaccountformorethan3percentofthedifferenceinpeople’shappiness.Inotherwords,youarebornwithahappinesssetpointthatismostlydeterminedbyyourgenes.Alargepartofourhappinessdependsonourluckinthegeneticdraw,andIjusthappenedtodrawabadhand.Igotalowhappinesssetpoint.IimagineacartoondeityreadmygeneticchartasIwasbornandwent,like,“Sorry,bro,suckstobeyou.Bye.”

Ohno!Whattodo?Fortunately,Ifoundthesolution.Inthesamewaythatphysical qualities such as strength and agility are highly trainable, mentalqualitiessuchasjoyandcalmnessarealsohighlytrainable.

Pretendthatyouknownothingoftheconceptofphysicalfitness,andpretendthatIjustshowedyouhowtodobicepcurlsbymovingadumbbellupanddownwithonearm,andthenItellyoutodothesame.YoumayreasonablythinkI’m

stupidor something.Thequestionyoushouldaskme is,“Why?Whywould Iwant to waste my time and energy moving a heavy object up and down?”(AmongsomeengineersIknow,thisisknownasWTF?Forthoseofyouwhohavetoask,WTFstandsfor“Whatishappening?!”)

Once you understand the ideas behind exercise and physical fitness, bicepcurlsmakeperfect sense.Every timeyoumoveadumbbellupanddown,youstrengthenyourmusclesalittlebitmore.Ifyoudoalotofbicepcurlsandotherweight-lifting exercises, you gain a physical quality known as strength.Withstrength,youcandothingsyoucouldneverimaginedoingbefore.Forexample,you can now open really stubborn pickle jars and literally throw out the badboyfriend.Inadditiontodevelopingstrength(andgainingtheabilitytoliterallythrow out the bad boyfriend), though, you also develop something evenmoreimportant: physical health and fitness.With physical health and fitness, everysingleaspectofyourlifeimproves.Youhavemoreenergy,yousufferfewersickdays, and you becomemore successful at your work because you havemoreenergyandfewersickdays.Youlookbetterinthemirror,youareconfident,andyoufeelgreat.Ifyouhaveneverheardoftheideaofphysicaltraining,theclaimI just made should blow your mind, because I’m claiming that you candeliberately effect life-changing physiological changes with simple trainingexerciseslikerepeatedlymovingaheavyobjectupanddown,andindoingso,improveeverysingleaspectofyourlife.

Inmylongstrugglewithmisery,quitebyaccident,Idiscoveredthementalequivalent of physical exercise. I found that one can deliberately effect life-changingmentalchangeswithsimpletrainingexercises—ifyouwill,bicepcurlsforthemind.Wecandevelopmajormentalskillsliketheabilitytoaccessjoyondemand,andindoingso, improveeverysingleaspectofour lives.Thementalequivalentofphysicalexerciseismeditation.

Meditationisanotherwordformindtraining.Itisscientificallydefinedas“afamily of mental training practices that are designed to familiarize thepractitionerwithspecifictypesofmentalprocesses.”7Tomeditate,youjustneedto have a mind. To practice meditation is to practice with your mind, to getbetter at doing certain things with it, such as experiencing joy. Of particularinteresttousisaformofmeditationknownasmindfulnessmeditation.Itisoneofmanyformsofmeditation,inthesamewayjoggingisoneofmanyformsofexercise. Mindfulness is defined as “paying attention in a particular way: onpurpose, in the presentmoment, and non-judgmentally.”8 Somindfulness is aspecificwayofpayingattention, andmindfulnessmeditationmeanspracticing

thiswayofpayingattention.IstartedmeditatingbecauseIwasmiserableenoughtotryanything.Backin

thosedaysinmypartofAsia,meditationwasn’tcool.Infact,itwastheoppositeofcool—itwaskindofweird.Wedidn’thavehippiesinSingaporewhenIwasgrowingup,butwedidhaveourshareoffolkswhomfamilymembersgossipedaboutwithanoddmixtureoffascinationandembarrassment,andthosewerethetypeofpeoplewho tended tobeassociatedwithmeditation.Worse still, therewereno secularmeditation teachers, so theonlyway to learnmeditationbackthen was in Buddhist centers (which is why I came out of this experiencedeterminedtomakemeditationpracticesaccessibleinasecularformsopeopledon’thavetobeBuddhiststobenefitfromthem,butthat’sanotherstory).Evenworse still, in those days, Buddhism was perceived in some parts of Asia,includingSingapore,asold,dusty,boring,andprofoundlyuncool.Soaskinny,awkward, geeky youngman trying hard to look cool to his friends had to bereallydesperatetotrytolearnmeditation,andthatwasme.

Evenbackthen,Ihadthevaguesensethatmeditationwasthesolutiontomymisery,butIdidn’tknowwhyorhow.ThebreakthroughcameinSeptemberof1991, when I was a new undergraduate student at Nanyang TechnologicalUniversity, in Singapore. I attended a lecture on campus by a woman calledVenerableSangyeKhadro.SangyeKhadro,alsoknownas theauthorKathleenMcDonald,isanAmericanwomanwhowasordainedasaTibetanBuddhistnun.ThefirstthingInoticedaboutherwasthecalmandjoyfuldignityinthewayshestood,walked,sat,andtalked.Iwasimmediatelyimpressed.Then,right inthe

middleofherlecture,therewasthisonesentence,“Itisallaboutcultivatingthemind.”When I heard that, in an instant, everything inmy life suddenlymadesense. Everything. I made two life-changing decisions right at that moment.First, I told myself, “From this moment on, right here, right now, I am aBuddhist.”Second,Idecidedtolearntomeditate,nomatterhowharditwouldbe.

Anyway,verysoonafter Idecided to learn tomeditate, Imetmyfirst realmeditation teacher.There is a popular saying inmeditation circles that “whenthestudentisready,theteacherappears.”Eitherthat,oritwaspuredumbluck.Inanycase, Imeta reveredmeditation teacher fromSriLankacalledGodwinSamararatnewho,inmyopinion,deservedeveryounceofthetonsofreverencepeople heaped upon him.Despite his profoundwisdom, hewas able to teachmeditationinawaythatevenIcouldunderstand.HewasthefirstofmanywisepeoplefromwhomIhavelearnedthathappinessistrainable,onejoyfulmomentatatime.9

There isnownodoubt inmymindwhatsoever thatmeditationcan lead tohappinessinreallife.IknowthisbecauseIammyselfaratherextremeexample.Mybaselinehappinessused tobemisery,whichmeant thatwhennothingwashappening,Iwasmiserable.Itmeantthatifsomethinggoodhappened,Iwouldfeelhappierforawhilebuttheneventuallyreturntomisery.Anditmeantthatdespite the prosperity and recognition and other kinds ofworldly success thatcame as I grew up, I wasn’t happy. In a couple of years after I startedmindtraining,mybaselinehadshifted to jolly,whichmeans thatwhennothingwashappening,Iwasjolly.WhenIexperiencesomethingpainful,it’spainful,butIeventuallyreturntobeingjolly.

Wow.People used to assume that baseline happiness is unchangeable, but I am

livingproofthatitcanbemovedfromhighnegativetohighpositivewithonlyafew years of practice. I am certainly not the only one. Even the masters ofhappiness needed training to get towhere they are. Take theDalai Lama, forexample, to whom joy comes so readily that once, when asked by a reporterwhatwasthehappiestmomentofhislife,heanswered(withamischievousglintinhiseyes),“Rightnow.”Even theDalaiLamawasnotalways jolly,evenhehadtotrainhismindtobehappy“rightnow,”andevenhehastopracticeeveryday.

Eventhe“happiestmanintheworld,”theTibetanBuddhistmonkMatthieuRicard, whose happiness has been famously measured and reported on since

2007,10would be the first to tell you hewasn’t born happy.He has achievedlastingstatesofinnerpeaceandjoy(andwhathemodestlycalls“somelevelsofinner freedom and compassion”) thanks to a lifelong training inspired by hisspiritualteachers.WhenIspoketohimaboutthis,heemphasizedthatthisisnota cliché about a small number of people being special. It is really about thetrainingthatheandhisfriendswentthrough,whichanybodycanderivesimilarbenefitsfrom.Anotherpersonwhohasachievedextrememeasuresofhappinessis Mingyur Rinpoche, in neuroscientist Richard Davidson’s pioneering lab inMadison,Wisconsin.Heopenlyadmitsthathesufferedseverepanicattacksasachildandthatheovercamehispanicattackswithhismeditationpractice.11

Ithinkthisisnoaccident—itisprobablybydesign.WeknowthisbecauseevenasfarbackasduringthelifetimeoftheBuddha,around500BCEorso,anIndian king made the observation that Buddhist monks seemed remarkablypeacefulandhappytohim.Moreconvincingly,tome,aretheparticipantsinmySearchInsideYourselfclass.Thevastmajorityofthoseparticipantsdidlittleornomeditationbeforetheclass,butafterjustafewdaysorweeksofmeditation,manyofthemreportedmeaningfulincreasesinhappiness.A2003studyyieldsasimilarfinding,thatjusteightweeksofmindfulnesstrainingisenoughtocausesignificantchangesinthebrainassociatedwithincreasedhappiness.12

These days, I’m in a good place—halfway?—on this continuum betweenUnhappyAverageJoeorMiserableAverageJillatoneendandHisHolinessandothermastersofhappinessattheother.Thesedays,Irecentlyrealized,Ialmostnever losemysenseofhumoranymore.ArchbishopDesmondTutuoncesaid,“Ifyouwanttobecomeanagentofchange,youhavetoremembertokeepyoursenseofhumor.”Iagree:joyisanimmenselypowerfulresource.

Okay,maybeI’monlyaquarterof thewayto immutable joy24-7,but themore important point is that it’s a continuum. That is, joy and happiness arehighlytrainable.Precisely:thisiswhytheycomesoreadilytoHisHolinessandother very happy people. They have been practicing their whole lives. Thisdoesn’tmean you have to be an octogenarianmonk before you can be reallyhappy,however,because longbeforeyoumasterhappiness,allkindsof thingsstarttogetawholelotbetter,aswewillsee.

JoyIndependentofSensualandEgoPleasures

Therewasamanwhohadaskinconditionthatmadehisskinitchallthetime.Every timehe scratchedhis itch,he felt good.Thenoneday, a skillfuldoctorcured him of his skin condition, and he didn’t have to scratch anymore. Herealizedthatscratchinghisitchhadfeltgood,butnothavingtoscratchanitchatallfeelsevenbetter.

We have a mind condition that makes us itch for two types of pleasure:pleasureof thesensesandpleasureof theego.Whenoursensesarepleasantlystimulated,aswhenweeatsomethingtasty,orouregoispleasantlystimulated,aswhenwearepraisedforsomethingwedid,wefeeljoy,whichisgood.Whatis even better is ifwe can feel joy independent of sense or ego pleasure. Forexample,whenweareeatingchocolate,weexperiencejoy,andwhenwearejustsittingtherenoteatingchocolate,westillexperiencejoy.Inordertodothis,wetrain themind toaccess joyevenwhen it is freefromstimulation.This isalsothesecretofraisingyourhappinesssetpoint.

Totrainthemindtoaccessstimulus-freejoy,weneedtounderstandhowjoyarises independent of sensual stimulation and then cultivate those skills. Theyarethree:easing,inclining,anduplifting.

1.EasingintoJoyThefirstskillweneedinsupportofjoyondemandisrestingthemindtoputitintoastateofease.Whenthemindisatease,joybecomesmoreaccessible,sopartofthepracticeislearningtoaccessthatjoyinease,andtheninturn,usingthe joy toreinforce theease. Icall thiseasinginto joy:beingjoyfulat rest,noego stroking or sensual pleasure required. Cultivating this form of inner joybegins to freeus fromoverrelianceon sense and ego stimulation for pleasure.Thismeansjoybecomesincreasinglyavailableanyplace,anytime.

2.IncliningtheMindTowardJoyNext,welearntonoticejoyandgiveitourfullattention.Welearnwheretolookinordertoseeandappreciatejoythatisalreadyavailabletous,inmomentsthatwehadn’tnoticedbefore.Thereisjoytobefoundinacalmingbreathandinthepleasuresofordinaryactivities.Weinvite this joyin. Invitingandnoticingjoybecomepartofourmeditationpracticeaswellashabitsineverydaylife.Intime,withpractice, themindstarts toget toknow joy. Itbecomes familiarwith joylike a close family member we can count on. The more the mind becomesfamiliarwithjoy,themoreitperceivesjoy,inclinestowardjoy,andeffortlesslycreatestheconditionsconducivetojoy.

3.UpliftingtheMind

3.UpliftingtheMind

Here, we learn to uplift the mind with wholesome joy, especially joy arisingfrom goodness, generosity, loving-kindness, and compassion. Thewholesomeness of such joy benefits mental health the same way wholesomefoodbenefitsphysicalhealth.Such joyalso leads themind intoamorestable,collectedstatebecauseitdoesn’thavetofightwithanythinglikeregretorenvy.In turn, the stable, collectedmind is more conducive to wholesome joy, thusestablishingavirtuouscycle.

With training in easing, inclining, and uplifting the mind comes theincreasing ability toaccess joyondemand inmostnormal life circumstances(i.e.,intheabsenceofoverwhelmingdifficultiessuchaslosingalivelihoodoralovedone).

After Google director Jonathan Berent learned these skills, he noticed aprofoundimpactonhislife.Hetoldme,“IhavefoundthatIcanatanymomenttakeaconsciousbreathandaccessjoy.Infact,thishasbeensohelpfulthatIusemywatch’schronometertoremindmetotakeatleastonebreathperhourwhenI am fully present to it. A couple years ago, I would have thought this waspointless.Joyondemand?Youhavetobekiddingme.Nowitisarealitytome,andIknowit’spossibleatanymoment.”

SomeoneelseIknowexperiencedachangefromdoingonesmallpracticeinthis book for a very short time. Janie hadbeenunable to sleepwell formanyyears.Afterpracticingattendingtothejoyofloving-kindness(seeChapter5)for

twominutes,thatnightshesleptbetterthanshehadinyears.Nowshepracticesloving-kindnessdailyandhasbeensleepingbettersince.

But wait, there’s more. The same mental equipment we use to train inuplifting our minds, inclining toward joy, and easing into joy gives us thestrengthandskillsweneedtodealwithdifficultiesandemotionalpain.Icannotpromise that your life will be nothing but joyful in one breath or hours oftrainingor by the timeyou reach the endof this book, but I canpromise thatwheneveryoucandothesethreethings—easing,inclining,anduplifting—whatappearstobepainfulwillbelesspainful,whatisneutralwillbecomejoyful,andwhatisjoyfulwillbecomeevenmorejoyful.

(Thisiswhereyousay,“Wow.”)Ifyouhavebeenunhappy,oryouarehappyandaspiretobeevenhappier,

knowthatyourhappinesssetpointcanbeupgraded.IknowbecauseIdiditandIhaveseenmanyothersdoitinthemindtrainingprogramItaughtatGoogle.Ihave also seen scientific studies that have measured it. Of course, Buddhistmonksandothercontemplativepeoplehavebeendoingitforthousandsofyears,butit’snotsomethinginthewaterintheHimalayas—it’ssomethingyoucandotoo,whereveryouare.

Youmaywell ask, if this kind of reliable and lasting joy is so accessible,why haven’tmore people found it?Why does it seem so elusive? I think themainproblemismostpeoplearen’tawarethatjoyindependentofsensualoregostimulation is even possible. Or if we’ve heard of it, many of us think it isunattainable so we don’t even try. We don’t know it’s something that everysingleoneofuscanlearn.Somebelieveyouneedalotofmoneytoexperiencejoy,whileothersbelieveyoucanonlyfindhappinessifyougiveupeverythingandliveinahutinthewoods.Youmightthinkyouneedtomeditateformanyyearstoaccessjoy,butasyouwillseeinChapter2,youcanbegintoexperiencebenefitsinonebreath.

Ifwethinkjoycomesonlyfrombuyingstuff,consumingstuff,becomingasleazytycoon,orrunningforpresidentafterbecomingasleazytycoon,thenjoywillbeelusive.

Inmodernsociety,withmoderntechnology,pleasureismoreaccessiblethanever,allaroundus,ondemand.Ourlackofjoyiscertainlynotforlackofwaystogratifyouregosandsenses.However,thejoythatcomesfromthesesourcesisinherently problematic since it depends on external factors out of our control.(ThatYouTubeselectionseemscompletelywithinourcontrol,untilourInternetaccessstopsworking.)

Bycontrast,joythatcomesfromwithin—fromapeacefulmindasaresultoftakinga fewbreaths, joy frombeingkind towardothers (which involvesotherpeople but does not depend on them), joy from our own generosity, joy fromdoingtherightthing—allthisjoyisourstohave,independentofcircumstances.If we do accidentally lose our joy, or something really bad happens andoverwhelmsus,there’sstill joyinknowingwecangetitback.Weallhaveaninfinite resource at our disposal, no matter how constrained or difficult ourcircumstances,andthatresourceisjoy.Joyisn’telusivewhenyouknowwhereandhowtolook.

JoyLeadstoSuccess

Lifeisweird.Sometimesyoufindsomethingonlywhenyoustoplookingforit.Once, for example, I needed a specific cable for my computer. I searchedeverywhereinthehouseandcouldnotfindit.Afteranhour,IgaveupandtoldmyselfI’dbuyanothercablethenextday,andafewminutesafterIgaveup,Isawitsittingonashelfthreefeetinfrontofme.

I discovered I had a similar relationship with success. When I started tobecomeskillfulataccessingjoythatisindependentofsensualoregopleasures,Ibecamemuchhappier,andmydesperatedesireforworldlysuccessalsobegantowane. Since I could now be happy with or without being rich, and with or

without“provingmyself”totheworld,Ididn’tseewhyIshouldbesoobsessedwith being “successful” anymore. I thought I was giving up on my shot atworldly success and I would end up as a cautionary tale for all Asian “tigermoms.”TheoppositehappenedandIbecameevenmoresuccessful.

Ilaterfoundoutwhy:joyleadstohappiness,andhappinessleadstosuccess.Butfirst,whatisthedifferencebetweenjoyandhappiness?IliketoletMatthieuRicarddefinehappiness.Ifigure“thehappiestmanintheworld”oughttoknow.AsMatthieupointsout,happinessis“adeepsenseofflourishingthatarisesfroman exceptionally healthy mind . . . not a mere pleasurable feeling, a fleetingemotion, or a mood, but an optimal state of being.”13 Joy, in contrast, is apleasurable feeling. It is an emotion. It is in the moment, while happiness ismore of a net effect, over time, of mental health and fitness and personalflourishing. Joy is a building block of happiness. A happy life ismade up ofmanymomentsofjoy.Whilehappinessdoesn’tmeaneverymomentispurejoy,thereisnosuchthingasajoylesspathtohappiness.Theabilitytoaccessjoyondemandenabledmetobuildahappylife.Inthissense,joyleadstohappiness.

Whatabouthappinessandsuccess?ItturnsoutIhaditallwrong.MyAsianupbringinghadledmetobelievethatsuccessleadstohappiness, thatoneday,whenIamsuccessful,Iwillbehappy.Infact,theoppositeistrue.Successdoesnot lead to happiness; instead, happiness leads to success. This relationshipbetweensuccessandhappinesshasbeenextensivelystudied.MyfriendShawnAchorbrilliantlycallsitthe“TheHappinessAdvantage,”whichisalsothetitleof his bestselling book.14Citing hundreds of studies carried out over decades,Shawn makes a convincing case that happiness is a major advantage in thepursuit of success. As he summed it up in a 2011Harvard Business Reviewarticle, “The single greatest advantage in themodern economy is a happy andengagedworkforce.”15Happinessraisessalesby37percent,productivityby31percent,andaccuracyontasksby19percent.Happinessalsomakespeoplemorepopularandbetterattheirjobs,orbetterinschooliftheyareinschool.Itmakespeople healthier, too, and better off by myriad other quality-of-life metrics.Happinessevenincreasescreativity,aswewillseeinChapter1.Thiswouldnotbesuchgoodnewsifhappinesswereoutofourcontrolandsimplyamatterofluck. It is greatnewsbecause joy andhappiness are trainable, and that’swhatJoyonDemandisabout.

Ifyouwanttobesuccessful,Ihighlyrecommendlearningtobehappyfirst.It is possible to become successful without first learning to be happy, but Istrongly recommend against it, because if you are unhappy before you are

successful,youarelikelytobeevenmoreunhappyafter.Forexample,basedonmyown experience becoming financially successful and that of otherwealthypeople I know, I have foundwealth to be a personalitymultiplier. If you arecruelandunkind,thenbeingwealthywillmakeyouevenmorecruelandunkind,because you don’t even have survival-related reasons to be nice to anyoneanymore.If, instead,youarekindandgenerous, thenbeingwealthywillmakeyoumoreso,becausewealthprovidesmoreopportunitiesfordoingso.

Sincewealthisapersonalitymultiplier,itisalsoanexperiencemultiplier.Ifyou are miserable when you are middle class, you will likely be even moremiserablewhenyouarewealthy,becauseallthementalstatesthatcauseyoutobemiserable,suchasgreed,cruelty,paranoia,andinnerturmoil,getmultiplied.Similarly, if you’re happywhen you’remiddle class, you’re likely to be evenhappierwealthy,forthesamereason;mentalstatesthatbroughtyouhappiness—such as generosity, kindness, and inner peace—multiply, thereby multiplyinghappiness.

Soitisalwaysgoodtolearntobehappy,anditisespeciallyusefultodoitbefore becoming successful. Then, it will help you become successful, and itwillhelpyouenjoysuccess.

AVirtuousCycle

Somemotivation for this book arose from the response of readers ofmy firstbook, Search Inside Yourself, thatwhile they appreciated themanywondrousbenefitsoftraininginmindfulness,itseemedlikealotofwork.Itwasdauntingtothinkthattheycouldn’tenjoyitsbenefits(hint:joy)withoutmeditatingforanhour a day. This really isn’t necessary. Very simple, efficient changes inperspective and easy practices that anyone can do have the power to effectdramaticchangeandenormousbenefit.

Fortunately,beingalazymeditatormyself,IknowhowtomakemeditationeasierthaneventhesimplepracticesIwroteaboutinSearchInsideYourself,andthekeyisjoyfulpractice.

Confucius once said, “Never buy just one when you can buy two for thesameprice.”I’mjustkidding—Confuciusdidn’tactuallysaythat,buthecouldhave,beingwiseandall.

Therearesomereallynicethingsinlifethatnaturallyreinforceeachother,andindoingso,theyformvirtuouscycleswitheachother.Forexample,ifyouenjoyperforminganactivitythatrequiressomelevelofskill(suchasjuggling,surfing,orplayingamusical instrument),youmay findyourselfdoing it a lotandgettingbetterat it.Andasyougetbetterat it,youmayderiveevenmoreenjoyment from it.Andwhenyouenjoy itmore,youdo it evenmoreandgetevenbetterat it, andsoon.So in thiscase, skillfulnessandenjoyment formavirtuouscycleinwhichonestrengthenstheother—henceyouendupbenefitingfrombothatonce, atnoextracost, thuswinning theapprovalof the fictitiousConfuciusImadeup.

Joyandmeditationareanotherpairofreallynicethingsthatformavirtuouscyclewith eachother.Meditation is trainingof themind. Joybecomeshighlyaccessible ina trainedmind.With training, themindlearns toaccess inner joywith increasing ease and frequency. At the same time, the joyful mind is atpeace, a peaceful mind is easily focused, and a focused mind becomes moretrainable, thereby making meditation practice even more effective. Thus avirtuous and joyful cycle forms. Once you put it into motion, the meditationpractice that perhaps you thought you’d never have can be sustained, and joybecomesadominantfactorindailylife.

Inthisbook,wewillexplorethisrelationshipandwaystoinitiatetheturningofthispowerful,joyful,virtuouscycle.Itisthroughthiscyclethatweeventuallyarrivewherethemastersofhappinessare,whereeverymomentis thehappiestofourlivesbecausewealwayshavejoyondemand.

TheWondrousBenefits,InCaseYouHaven’tHeard

TheWondrousBenefits,InCaseYouHaven’tHeard

Itgoeswithoutsayingthatonebenefitofjoyondemandis:joy.Duh.Moreandmore,asyoupractice,yourdayswill fillupwithmomentsandevenextendedperiodsofjoy.Noteverymomentwillbejoyful,butknowingthatyoucancountonjoytohappenagain,andinincreasingamounts,tendstoimproveyouroverallmood.

Inner joy relies on inner peace, so that is our practical starting point:Chapters2and3showyouhowtoeaseintojoy.Youwilllearntocalmthemindand find some peace in the midst of this crazy, speedy world where joy canhappen.

In the next chapter, we incline toward joy. If you are reading this bookbecauseyoufeellikeastrangertojoy,IinviteyoutoChapter4,whereyouwillbe(re)introducedtothejoyinyouandthejoyintheworld.Thischapterhelpsyou get acquainted with your inner joy. With practice, you can become soinclinedtowardandultimatelyfamiliarwithjoythatitbecomesahabit.

Compassion and kindness arise from inner peace and joy. Compassion isboth the fruition and the multiplier of joy—another one of those cycles ofgoodness.Inotherwords:joymakesyouakinder,morecompassionateperson,andkindnessandcompassionbringyoumorejoy!Chapter5describesthiscyclein more detail, with exercises that will help you keep it going. This is theupliftingpart.

With innerpeace, inner joy,andcompassion,youget thewholeenchilada:confidence and charisma, creativity and innovation, self-awareness,well-beingandemotionalresilience,happiness,humor,popularity,courage,andsuccessineveryarena,pluspersonalfreedomandworldpeace.Joyisthewellspringofallgoodthings,evenluck.WewillrelishthesebenefitsinmoredetailinChapters1and7.

Chapter6isaboutdealingwithpain.Iwishyouallthejoyintheworld,myfriends,butthefactisthatsometimesterriblethingshappen.Sometimeswehavereallyshittydays(ormonths).Alwaysthereissufferingintheworld.Sometimestheoddsof circumstance stackup sohigh against joy that allwe cando is tohunkerdownandbearwitness.Thischapterexplainshowtoapplytheskillsyouhavealreadybeenpracticing(fromthepreviouschapters)whenyouarefacingemotionalpain. It also revealspain’sbest-kept secret,whichmaysurpriseyou(spoiler alert): joy and pain can coexist. Just because you are in pain doesn’tmean you can’t also access joy. Don’t worry, youwill get better at this with

practice. And this is the silver lining of pain: whatever else it is, it’s anopportunity to practice getting better at working with pain. Remember, withpractice,whatisjoyfulwillbeevenmorejoyful,whatisneutralwillbejoyful,andwhatappearstobepainfulwillbelesspainful.

Myfriends,weareverylucky.Wehaveanunprecedentedopportunity.Welive inanagewhenthings thatwedidn’t thinkwecouldstudyscientifically—happiness, kindness,mindfulness, peace, and soon—nowwecan, becausewehavethetechnologytomeasurethem.Overthousandsofyears,humansufferinghasn’t qualitatively changed.What has changed is themeeting of science andancientwisdom,makingpowerfulpracticesthatgiveusaccesstojoyondemandwidely understandable, and because they are widely understandable, they canbecomewidelyaccessible.

I wrote this book to help make joy on demand more understandable andmoreaccessibletoyou.Ihopeyouwillenjoyit.

CHAPTERONE

JoyBecomesYouSurprising(andNot-So-Surprising)BenefitsofMindTraining

Confuciussaid,“Ifyoucannotchoosebetweenoneofmanygoodoptions,justchoose themall.”No,Confuciusdidn’tsay thateither—Imadeitup,butonceagain, he could have said it because he is so wise and all. It is a commonmisperceptionthatcertaingoodthingsaremutuallyexclusive.Forexample,youmightthinkthatinordertobesuccessful,youcannotbecompassionate,becauseeverybodyonWallStreetknowsthatcompassionisforchumps.Orsomepeoplebelievecalmandcharismadon’tgotogether.Theyassumecharismadependsonwildenthusiasmandmanicsmiles,andbeingcalmisboring.Infact,aswewillseeinthischapter,compassionandsuccess,calmandcharisma,andmanyothergoodthingsinlifefromcreativitytoresilience,aremutuallyreinforcing.

Andtheyallcomefromjoy.Orifnotdirectlyfromjoy,theyturnouttobesideeffectsofthetrainingthatenablesustoaccessjoy.Forwhenyoulearntoaccess joy on demand (see: this book) the effects go far beyond isolatedmoments of joy. Joy can improve every aspect of life. It resets happiness setpoints, turningmiserablepeopleintojollyones.Withpractice, joycanbecomeyourpersonalityandyourwholelife.Asifthatwasn’tenough,italsomakesyoumoreattractive.Joybecomesyou,ineverysenseofbecoming.Joyisverymucha package deal. Confucius would approve. Welcome to the whole enchilada,withextrasauceandafreetoy.

EventheBasicBenefitsofMindTrainingAreLifeChanging

Reliable access to joy beginswithmind training. In the beginning,meditationwasverydifficultforme.(Remember,meditationismindtraining.WhenIamreferringtospecificmeditationpracticeslikesittingmeditation,Iwillsayso.)Itdidn’tseemtohaveanythingtodowithjoy.Happily,onceIfiguredouthowtodo it, itwasn’t long—afewshortmonths—before it started tochangemy life.AndnowIseemindtraininghaseverythingtodowithjoy.Withthisbook,youget the benefit ofmy experience of learning the hardway so you can expectthingstogetbetterforyouinevenlesstime,andwithlessdifficultyandmorejoy,thanIhad.You’rewelcome.

Thefirst,mostbasicandpossiblymostimportantbenefitofmindtrainingistheability to calm themindondemand.Eventually,withpractice, youwillfindyourselfabletoabideinacalmmindduringmostsittingmeditations.Betterstill,youwillalsofindyourselfincreasinglyabletoapplythisskillin“reallife”outside of sitting meditation. This one skill alone may be life changing. Forexample, one student in my class, after just a few weeks of training, foundhimselfable torefrainfromsayingsomethingnasty tohismother-in-law.Thatchangedhislife,nodoubt.

Theabilitytocalmthemindondemandalsohasprofoundimplicationsforleadership.Imagineyou’reinameetingroomwithyourcoworkersinthemiddleof a crisis. Everybody is frazzled, but you alone can calm down and think,becauseyoualonehavedevelopedtheskilltocalmthemindondemand.Whathappens?Everybodyin theroomisgoingto lookatyouandsay tohimselforherself,“Wow,thispersonisaleader.”Andtheywouldberight,becausethatisleadership.Akeypartof leadershipispreciselytheability to thinkcalmlyandclearlyunderfire.Hence,bytrainingyourselfincalmingthemind,youbecomeamoreeffectiveleader.

Thesecondbasicbenefitofmindtrainingisclarityofmind.Withcalmnessofmindcomesclarity.Actually,no,formanybeginners,withcalmnessofmindcomes sleepiness, but once you develop the ability to remain calm withoutnecessarilybeingsleepy,thenyougettoabideinadeliciousstateofmindthatiscalm and clear at the same time. It is like a pot of sediment-filled water leftundisturbed for a while—when the water is calm over a period of time, thesedimentsettlestothebottomandthewaterbecomesclear.Similarly,whenthemind is calm over a period of time, some of the noisymental activity quietsdownandthemindbecomesclear.

The obvious effect of this clarity is increased self-awareness.As themindclears, so does our perception into the process of emotion, the process ofcognition,andtheprocessofself.Thisstrengthensat least twoaspectsofself-awareness:emotionalawareness,wherethesubtletiesofourmoment-to-momentexperience of emotion become increasingly discernible; and self-assessment,where we consider our own identity, inclinations, resources, and weaknesseswithmoreobjectivity.

Thethirdbasicbenefitofmindtrainingisemotionalresilience,especiallyinresponse to emotional pain.Aswewill see inChapter 6, emotional resilienceworks in three steps: attentional, affective, and cognitive. When hit by an

episode of emotional pain, first we apply an attentional strategy, temporarilyredirectingattentiontothebreathandthebody,andbydoingthat,calmingthemind.Byitself,calmingthemindsolveshalftheproblemonthespot,butthat’sonly the first step. In the second step, the affective step, we manage theemotionality involved. Here, we mindfully and objectively perceive theemotionsastheyhappeninthebody.Afterawhile,wemayrecognizethateventhese afflictive emotions are merely sensations in the body and that they areconstantlychanging,arisingandceasingovertime.Wethenmanagethefeelingsby treating themwith kind friendliness if possible, or if not possible, at leastsitting with them in equanimity. At this point, we arrive at some degree ofcomposure.With the third, cognitive step,wegainabroader,wiser, andmorecompassionateperspective.Withacomposedmind,weareabletoseethingsinadifferentlight.Forexample,wetakethisopportunitytounderstandourselvesandtogrow.Iftheemotionalpainarisesfromasituationinvolvingotherpeople,we can take this opportunity to understand them and their suffering. If theemotionalpainarises fromfailure,wecanfigureouthowtouse itasbuildingblocksforfuturesuccess,rememberingthattheChinesewordforcrisissuggestsboth danger and opportunity. In other words, we apply the cognitive step toincreasingourwisdomandcompassion,andindoingso,reducingthecausesofourownfuturesuffering.

Mind training enables emotional resilience. In mind training, we practicecalming the mind in difficult situations, perceiving the process of emotion athigh resolution, and cultivating compassion and objectivity, therebystrengtheningourabilitytotakeallthreestepswhenwe’refacedwithemotionalpain.

Anyoneof the threebasicbenefitsofmind training—mentalcalm,mentalclarity, andemotional resilience—is,by itself, life changing, andwithpracticeallmeditatorscanacquireallthree.Withoutadoubt,meditationchangedmylife(for thebetter, incaseyouneedtoask).Withincreasingcalmness,clarity,andresilience,Ibecameincreasinglycapableofovercomingthesufferinginmylife.Meditation turned out to be the solution tomymisery.Honestly, that doesn’tsuck.AndIknowitisn’tjustme.Forexample,lookingbackonthetimewhensheranastartupcalledLocket,founderandCEOYunhaKimdescribeshowthebasicbenefitsofmindtraininghavemadeadifferenceforher:

Iwasunderalotofpressure.Themoremoneyweraised,themorepressure I felt—not just formycompany’ssuccessbutalso formy

performanceasayoung,first-timeentrepreneurandleader.Later,wehad topivotourproductand layoff half of the team,manyofwhichIworkedandlivedwith.Ican’treallydescribehowstressedandmiserable Iwas during that time. Iwasn’t sleeping or eatingenough, and the uncertainty of the company’s future reallyconsumedme. Yet, I had to put onmy happy and confident CEOfaceforothers.

Idecided toseea therapist,who introducedme tomindfulnessand meditation. I was skeptical at first, because I thought it wassomethingonlyhippiesandmonksdo.IwasraisedasaChristian,andIhesitatedto tryanythingassociatedwithotherreligions.Butafter tryingmeditationa few times, Iwassurprised to findclarity,both in my heart and in my mind. So I began to meditate everymorning for ten minutes. It’s been a couple years now since Istarted,andit’smadeadifferenceinmylife.Atfirst,Ienjoyedtheclarity it brought to my thoughts. But over time, I came toappreciatethecalmnessofmind.

Thereare timeswhen Iam restlessandcrankybutwithoutanobvious reason. I feel it in my body—my breath is shorter andshallower,my hands and feet fidget.Meditation helpsme identifythesource.Forinstance,Ioncediscoveredmyrestlessnessatworkresulted from an unresolved argument with my mother the nightbefore.Inanother instance,Iwasanxiousatadinnerwith friendsbut observed that I was restless over a promised e-mail I wasexpecting from a colleague. It’s been fascinating to me how mymindsnowballsasmallargumentoramissede-mailintosomethingominously bigger.Meditationhasn’t solved everything forme, butthedailypracticehasoftenhelpedmesimplifymylifebyuntanglingsomeofmymind’scomplexity,bothbigandsmall.1

Butwait, there ismorestill.Beyondcalmness,clarity,andresilience, thereareothercompellingbenefitsthatIwasnotexpectingwhenIstarted.

Creativity:It’sNotaBug—It’saFeature!

The calm and clear mind is alert and relaxed, especially when suffused withinnerjoy.AndIhavefoundthealertandrelaxedmindtobehighlyconducivetocreativity.

Iinitiallymadethisdiscoveryinanannoyingsortofway:alotofgoodideasand insightscame tomewhile Iwasmeditating. If IhadaproblemIcouldn’tsolve,orIgotinvitedtogiveaspeechwhereIdidn’thavetheslightestideawhattotalkabout,theanswerswouldcometomewhileIwasmeditating.Atfirst,Ifounditreallyirritating.HereIwas,tryingmybesttofocusattentiongentlyonmybreath,andthenagreatideawouldarise,andIwouldgetallexcited,butmyformal meditation would effectively be over. It always used to end with mescoldingmyself, “Oh, great job.Now seewhat you’ve screwedup this time.”Overtime,though,Ilearnedtoacceptthisasanaturalprocessofthemindandtotakeadvantageofit.Themindthatisalertandrelaxedsometimesgetscreative,andwhenthathappens,I’llinviteittocalmdownsoIcangetbacktomyobjectofmeditation,butifitdoesn’t,I’lljustallowthecreativitytorunitsfullcoursewhile I observe the experiencewith equanimity. I’ll comeout of itwith somenewideasandsomepracticeofequanimityinthemidstofexcitement.

Or as a good software engineer would say, “That’s not a bug—that’s afeature!”

Infact,both the ideaforwriting thisbookand theentire frameworkof thebookaroseinmymindduringmeditation.MonthshadpassedafterIpromisedasecond book tomy agent, Stephanie, and still therewas no book proposal. Infact, therewasnota singleword fromme (nopun intended).WhenStephaniestartedcallingmeaboutit,ItoldherthatIwasstillwaitingforthebooktowriteitself.IsaidthereweretwothingsIknewaboutthisbook:First,ithadtowrite

itself.Andsecond,whenthebookwasreadytowriteitself,Iwouldknow.ThatassurancedidnotimprovethequalityorquantityofStephanie’ssleep—Idon’tknowwhy.

Then, one day, duringmy dailymeditation,mymindwent into a state ofdeep calmness, and suddenly, out of nowhere, two thoughts arose. The firstthoughtwas,“Thebookisnowreadytobewritten.”Thesecondthought,whicharoseimmediatelyafterthefirstbuttookthenexttwoorthreeminutestofullyform,wastheentireframeworkofthisbook.Ta-da!

WhenIrealizedhowconducivethealertandrelaxedmindwastocreativity,the first question I askedmyself was, “Is it just me?”Maybe I was the onlyperson who became creative during meditation, maybe because I’m weird orsomething. I certainlyhaven’t seen aZenmaster jumpingup in themiddle ofsitting meditation and wildly shouting, “Eureka! Eureka!” But over time, theevidence I’ve seen convincedme that this effect is highly replicable.The firstpiecesofevidencecamefromsomeof thestudents inmyownclass, theearlyparticipants of the Search Inside Yourself course at Google. Several studentsreported becoming more creative at solving problems, especially during orimmediately after their sittingmeditation.One engineer even toldme that thesolutions to the twomost difficult engineering problems he had to solve bothcametohimduringmindfulnesspractice,andbecauseofthat,hegotpromoted.

Howdoesthiswork?Fromafirst-personperspective,Icandescribeitwithapebbleanalogy.Ifyoucometoalakewherethewindisstrongandthewaterischoppy,andthenifyoudropapebble into that lake, itwillcausearipple,butbecausethewaterischoppy,youcan’tseetherippleclearly.Dropapebbleintoa calm lake, however, and it makes a beautiful, circular ripple that you canclearlysee.Creativityseems tohappenwhen randomideasariseand themindperceives them clearly and, more important, captures the novel, remote, orunexpectedassociationsbetween these ideas. If themind iscluttered,noisy,oragitated,itislikedroppingpebblesintoturbulentwater—youdon’tseealotofnice ripples, and you can’t see how the ripples formpatternswith each other.However,whenthemindisalertandrelaxedatthesametime,relaxationgivesrandom ideas space to arise and play, and alertness lets us see them and theirconnections,justlikedroppingpebblesintoaplacidlake.

Beyondmyownfirst-personexperience,Ilaterlearnedthattherelationshipbetweenrelaxedattentionandcreativityiswell-knownamongpeoplewhorelyoncreativityforaliving.SteveJobs,forexample,famouslysaid:

Ifyoujustsitandobserve,youwillseehowrestlessyourmindis.Ifyoutrytocalmit,itonlymakesitworse,butovertimeitdoescalm,andwhen it does, there’s room tohearmore subtle things—that’swhen your intuition starts to blossom and you start to see thingsmore clearly and be in the present more. Your mind just slowsdown,andyouseeatremendousexpanseinthemoment.Youseesomuchmorethanyoucouldseebefore.It’sadiscipline;youhavetopracticeit.2

AnotherexamplecomesfromDavidKelleyandTomKelley,whostronglyadvocatewhattheycall“relaxedattention”asafoundationofcreativity.Iwouldthink the Kelleys know something about the topic. David and Tom are,respectively,founderandpartnerofIDEO,theglobaldesigncompanyrenownedinternationallyforcreativityandinnovation.

This topic has also been studied scientifically. For example, the work ofneuroscientists like JohnKounios,Mark Jung-Beeman, JoydeepBhattacharya,and others established a link between the ahamoment and alpha brainwaves.Creative insights often come along with alpha waves, especially in the righthemisphereofthebrain.Alphawavesarerelatedtononarousal.Theyareoftenassociatedwithrelaxingactivitiessuchasstrolling,takingawarmshower,andyes,meditation.

Inpractice,creativetypesalreadyknowinstinctivelythatanalertandrelaxedmindishighlyconducivetocreativity,andtheyknowhowtoactivatethatstateofmind.That iswhy theyknow togo forwalks, playgames, or take awarmshoweriftheygetstuckwhilesolvingaproblem.However,myownexperienceandthatofsomeothersstronglysuggestthatifyoualsoaddmeditationtoyourrepertoire,youcanhaveevenmorecreativebreakthroughsasyoulearntoreachhigher levels of both alertness and relaxation, and you can do so on demand.NeuroscientistJohnKouniostalksaboutanexpertZenmeditatorwhotookpartinoneoftheCRA(CompoundRemoteAssociate)insightexperiments.Fortheseexperiments, participants have thirty seconds to think of a word that can becombined with each of three other words, for example sauce, crab, and pine(answer: apple). In the meditator’s case, at first, his ability to focus workedagainsthim,andhecouldn’tsolveanyofthepuzzles.Thenhefiguredouthowtousehisextraordinarypowersofcognitivecontroltoun-focus,toletgoandlethis brain make what Kounios believes were the necessary associations in theright hemisphere of the brain for the solution to occur. After that, he was

unstoppable,solvingallthepuzzlestheexperimentersgavehim.3Not only is the alert and relaxedmind highly conducive to creativity, but

studies have shown that a joyfulmind is also highly conducive to creativity.4Onestudyevenshowsthatajoyfulmind’sinfluenceoncreativitylastsuptotwodaysafter thepositivemoodwasfelt.5 Inotherwords, ifyouarehappytoday,youaremorecreativetoday,tomorrow,andthedayafter,regardlessofhowyoufeeltomorrowandthedayafter!Whyarejoyandrelaxationbothsoconduciveto creativity? I think it is because, aswewill see in thenext chapter, a joyfulmind is a relaxedmind (also vice versa); therefore, similarmental factors areprobablyatplay.

Iwassurprisedthatmymeditationpracticewasconducivetocreativity.Tome,however,themostsurprisingbenefitofmindtrainingcamenext.

SurprisinglyConfident

Oneofthebiggestsurprisediscoveriesofmylifeisthatself-confidencecanbetrainedbyputtingmybuttontoameditationcushion.

WhenIwasyounger, Iwascocky.Imistookmycockinessforconfidence,buttheyturnedouttobevastlydifferentcreatures.Thebiggestdifferenceisthatcockiness, unlike confidence, is necessarily fueled by conceit. Another bigdifferenceisfragility.Cockinessisveryfragile.Whensomeexternalconditionsfeedmyconceit,cockinessfliestodizzyingheights,andthenwhenIexperiencesome failure, the cockiness immediately breaks in midair and crashes to theground with pain directly proportional to the altitude of the previous height.Confidence,however,ishighlysustainablebecauseitisindependentofsuccessor failure.Cockiness is also inauthentic.When I feel cocky, there is always afacadeIhavetoputuptoshowtheworldhowwonderfulIsupposedlyam,whiledeepinside,Isufferagonizinginsecurityanticipatingthenextcrash.Confidence,incontrast,hasitsbasisonseeingthingsastheyare,sobyitsverynature,itisquiteincompatiblewithinauthenticity.

Aftera fewyearsofpracticingmeditation, Ibegan todiscovera feelingofconfidence growing inside of me that, I realized later, is different fromcockiness.Over theyears, this confidencehas successfullyweatheredboth thegiddy disorientation of success and adulation, and the soul-crushing pain offailureanddishonor.Forme,discoveringthatmeditationcanleadtoconfidencewasverysurprising.Theideathatsomebodyasflawedasmeiscapableof,overtime, shifting some distance from cockiness to confidence is even moresurprising.

Uponreflection,Irealizedthatthisconfidencehasthreewholesomesources:

1. Confidencearisingfromknowing

2. Confidencearisingfromequanimity

3. Confidencearisingfromresilience

1.ConfidenceArisingfromKnowingKnowledgeisconfidence.Therearethreeaspectsofconfidencethatarisefromknowing. The first aspect, which has very little to do with meditation, isknowingyourstuff.Ifyouwalkintoaroomtotalkaboutaspecifictopicandyou are familiar with the materials, or better still, you’re an expert, or evenbetter,youareoneoftheworld’stopexperts,thenyouwalkintothatroomwithconfidence.Thatgoeswithoutsaying.

There is, however, another aspect of confidence that arises from knowingthatisevenmorepowerfulthanthefirst,andthatisknowingyourself.Knowingyourselfmeansstrongself-awareness,bothat the levelofemotionalawareness(discerningyouremotionsinyourbodyfromonemomenttothenext)andself-assessment (knowing your abilities, limitations, resources, and habits). Withenoughself-awareness,youknowhowtoplaytoyourstrengths,youknowhowto compensate for your weaknesses, you can navigate skillfully in mostsituations, and there’s no skeleton in your closet that you don’t already knowabout,sothere’snothingaboutyouthat’sgoingtoshockyou.Occasionallyyoudiscover thingsaboutyourself thatsurpriseyou,butbyand large, theyarenotsurprisingenoughtoflooryou.Becauseofthat,youarecomfortableinyourownskin.Whenyouarecomfortableinyourownskin, itshows.Whereveryougo,there’sacertainquietconfidencethatjustpresentsitself.

What does this come from? It comesmostly frommindfulness.Whenyoupractice mindfulness of body and mindfulness of emotions, over time, youdevelopastrongself-awareness,andthisself-awarenessleadstothetypeofself-confidencethatcomesfromknowingyourself.

Whatifthereissomethingyouneedtoknowbutdon’tknow—whereistheconfidenceinthat?Thereisanadditionalaspectofconfidencethatarisesfromknowing:knowing thatyoucanknow. Inotherwords,whateveryouneed toknow, you are fully capable of learning. The person who best illustrates thisaspect of confidence tome is oneofmymainmeditation teachers,meditationmasterShinzenYoung.

When Shinzen was becoming accomplished as a meditation teacher, hedevelopedaconviction,whichItotallyagreewith,thatifmeditation(whichhecalls“theinternalscienceandtechnologyoftheEast”)weretosuccessfullymateandcross-fertilizewith the science and technologyof theWest, itwill changetheworlddramatically,forthebetter.Sohesetouttogainexpertiseinscienceinorder to become an active participant of intelligent dialogue between themeditationworldandthescientificworld.Therewasonlyoneproblem:hewasterribleatmathandscienceinschool.Thatwasoneofhisbiggestpainpointsinhisyouth—itscarredhimemotionallyformanyyearsthereafter—andnow,asamaturedadult, ithadbecomethebiggestbarrier towhathefeltwasoneofhismostimportanttasks.Whattodo?Whattodo?

Shinzenponderedonitandrealizedhewasnowadifferentpersonfromthekidwhodiddreadfullyatschool.Hewasstillterribleinmathandscience,buthehad one important skill he hadn’t had when he was a kid: he now had some

masteryoverhismind.Heconjecturedthatwithhismasteryofmind,hecouldlearnanything,anything,even(gulp!)math,andonceheacedthemath,hecouldace thescience.Sohestarted teachinghimselfmathandscience, startingwithmultiplicationtablesandfifth-grademath,andtheneventuallyworkinghiswayup tograduate-levelmath and science.Today,he is an admiredpioneer at theintersectionbetweenmeditationandscience.

HowdidShinzendoit?Hesaidthreethingshelped.First,henowhadgreatpower of concentration. In the past, after the second or third time he readsomething in amath textbook he couldn’t understand, hewould just give up.Now,hewouldjustkeepcomingbackwiththesameintenseconcentrationuntilhe got it. Second, he was able to manage the negative self-talk. He had aconviction that he could not do math, he had frequent and strongly negativeemotional reactions against learningmath, and the incessant self-talk that keptsaying,“Whoareyoukidding?You’llneverbeabletodothisshit!”(Yes,evenwidely admired meditation masters use the s-word). He dealt with them bybreakingthemupintomanageablechunksandthenusingtechniquessimilartothe attentional, affective, and cognitive strategies you’ll find in Chapter 6 fordealingwith painful emotions. The third thing he didwas apply his power ofempathytogaininginsightsintomathematiciansaspeopleandtheninternalizinga“mathgeek”intohisownpersonality.Feelinglikehewassomeonewhocoulddomath, identifyingasamathgeekfromtheinsideout,hewasn’t intimidatedbymath anymore. In time, he went from somebodywho had to relearn evenmultiplication tables to someone with expertise in graduate-level math. Mathwentfromalong-runningsourceofemotionalpaintoahugesourceofjoyforhim.6

ThelessonfromShinzen:Withmeditation,yougainsomemasteryofmind,andonceyouhave that, youcangain expertise in any subject.That assurancethatyoucanlearnanythingcreatesconfidence.

2.ConfidenceArisingfromEquanimityThe second source of confidence is confidence arising from equanimity. Thiscomesinpartfromtheabilitytocalmthemindondemand.Asmentioned,theability to calm the mind is one of the basic benefits of meditation. Withsufficientpractice, itbecomesaskill:youcancalmthemindondemandsomemeaningfulpercentageof the time,nomatterhowbad thingsget. Ifyouknow

youcandothat,youcanwalkintoanyroomwithsomedegreeofconfidence.When you hear people dispensing advice like this, you wonder if they

actually practice what they preach. In my case, quite unfortunately, I get topractice this a lot becausemywork requiresme to be in the public spotlightmore than I like to be. (It is no accident that the next three examples all takeplace in public speaking situations.) Being in the public eye is always nerve-racking because when you screw something up, it’s very public. On oneparticularday,IwasgiventhewonderfulopportunitytoscrewuponTV.IwasonCNBC,beinginterviewedontheflooroftheNewYorkStockExchange.Itwas a live interview being broadcast nationally and worldwide. And then, Iforgotmy lines. Iwasplanning to talkabout the threeways tosettle themind(seeChapter3).WhenIgottoitemnumbertwo,Iforgotwhatitemnumbertwowas. “The second way to do it is . . . (blank).” I had my Rick Perry oopsmoment.OnliveTV,broadcastworldwide.Ohno!Whattodo?Whattodo?

Icouldfeelpanicarisinginmybody.ThenmytrainingkickedinandIwasable to calm the panic downbefore it showed. I stayed composed. It tookmefivesecondstorecover,whichwhenyou’reonliveTV,isaverylongtime.ButI remained so calm that when I later saw the recording, it didn’t look like adisaster.ItappearedlikeIwas“deliberating”onwhatIwasgoingtosay.Noneofmy friendswho saw it knew that anythingwasgravely amiss.Sonowyouknow my secret. The next time I look like I’m deliberating, maybe I’m justgentlypanickinginside.

Anotheraspectofconfidencearisingfromequanimityistheabilitytoholdyouregoverylightly.Idescribethisasthewillingnessforyouregotobeasbigas amountain and as small as a grain of sand at the same time.Once again,being an occasional public figure gives me plenty of uncomfortableopportunities to practice this. It happens, for example, when I get invited tospeaktoanaudiencethatIbelieveisfarmorequalifiedthanIam.Once,Iwasinvited to speak in anAsiancountry to anauditorium fullof the topBuddhistleaders in that country on the topic of Buddhism in themodernworld. Thereweremanysenior,serious-lookingmonastics,headsofmajortemples,leadersoflayBuddhistorganizations,andleadingacademics.AndwhowasI?AsfarasIwasconcerned,IwasjustsomeengineerfromCalifornia.

Hereagain,Iwasabletoapplymytraining.IlookedattheaudienceandfelttinybecauseeachpersonintheaudienceknewtentimesmoreBuddhismthanIdid with one hand tied behind their back. However, I also felt tiny in awholesomeway:Iwasthereentirelytoservethisgroupofpeople,somyown

egoandneedsweretotallyirrelevant.Atthesametime,inorderserveinawaythatthisaudiencedeserved,IneededtobelievethatIdeservedtobestandinginfrontofthem,speakingtothemasifIknewsomethingthattheydidn’t.And,infact,Idid.Imaynothaveone-tenththeirBuddhistscholarshiporpractice,butitispossiblethatImaybeamongthetopexpertsintheworldintheapplicationofwisdompracticesinthemodernsetting,andbecauseofthat,Ilikelyhavesomehard-earnedinsightstosharethateventhetopscholarsmayfindvaluable.Therehad to be a voice in my head willing to say those words to myself: “I am amasterofthissubjectmatter.Ideservetobehere.”(Andasecondvoicearisesinreactionthatsays,“Me?”Andtheoriginalvoicereplies,“Yes,you,andgetusedtoit,<expletiveusedtorefertooneself>.”)Basedonthat,Iallowedmyegotobe(almostembarrassingly)bigenoughtofillthewholeroom.Hence,Iallowedmy ego to simultaneously be tiny and humongous at the same time.The trickwas to focus on two attitudes: service and humor. Focusing on serving thepeopleinfrontofme,Iallowedmyegotobeanysizeitneededtobeinordertoserve,andImaintainedmyhumorattheabsurdityofthesituation.

Near the end of the session, a stern-lookingmonk sitting in the front row(presumablyverysenior,ashegottositfrontandcenterwithanameplateathisseatinalanguageIdon’tread)askedmeaquestion,which,Iimagine,onecaninterpretasa loadedquestion.Heasked, throughsimultaneous translation,“OfthefourlevelsofenlightenmentasdefinedintraditionalBuddhism,whichlevelare you at?” I noticed some tension in the roomas he spoke. I looked at himintently,flashedmyusualnaughtysmile,madeacircularshapewiththefingersofmy right hand, and clearly pronounced, “Ze-ro.”And then I laughed. Thatmonk started laughing, the translator was laughing into my earpiece, andeverybody in the auditorium was laughing. After the laughter died down, Ifurtherexplained,“Seriously,youarethetrueBuddhistmasters,andI’mjustanengineer.WhatdoIknow?IjusthopethatwhateverlittlebitIknowwasusefultoyou.”Themonknoddedslightlywithasmile.

I think that talkwentwell.Howdid I know?WhenBuddhist nuns clamoraroundyouforselfiesafteryouspeak,youprobablydidsomethingright.

Inretrospect,IrealizedthatIhadhandledthatmonk’squestioninthemostskillful way I could without even thinking. I could have been defensive,offended,angry,orinsecure,andIcouldhaveactedinaveryunskillfulway.Ilearned that if I just focus on service and humor, then I will most likely notscrewitup.

The ability to calm the mind comes from the focused-attention aspect of

meditationtraining.Theabilitytoholdyouregoverylightlycomespartlyfrommindfulnesstrainingandtheself-awarenessthatcomesfrommindfulness.Italsocomes from the sustainable joy that arises froma calmmind and the senseofservice thatcomes fromcompassion training (seeChapter5).And,yes, ifyoupracticemindfulnessofyourowneventualdeathatleastonceaday(seeChapter4),youregobecomesquitemalleable.

3.ConfidenceArisingfromResilienceWhat happens on dayswhen knowledge fails and equanimity also fails? Thatbringsus to the third sourceof confidence, confidencearising from resilience.One aspect of confidence arising from resilience is the ability to recover:knowing that when things fail, I can always eventually recover. I know mypractice is sufficiently strong that if somebody says something tomewhere Ifeelembarrassed,offended,ortriggered,IknowthatevenifIlosemycool,Icanrecover it in five to ten seconds under most circumstances. That gives meconfidencewalking into a room. In the somewhat longer run, I know that if Isuffer some sort of very unpleasant setback—say I’m publicly insulted bysomebodyIthoughtwasanallyorIfindoutIdidn’tgetthepromotionIthoughtI deserved—I know I can recover in four to five hours in most situations,twenty-fourhoursatmost.Thatgivesmeconfidencedoingmyday-to-daywork.And ultimately, I have faith that nomatter how bad things become, if I loseeverything,ifIbecomecrippledinacaraccident,IknowthatIwillprobablygothrough some period of severe depression, but I also know that atmy currentlevelofpractice,Icanrecovermysanityandcomposureinnomorethansixtotwelvemonths.Thatgivesmeconfidencelivingthislife.

Ihaveanalmost-funnyexampleofpracticingrecoveryinashorttimescale.Onthatparticularday,IwasgivingaTEDTalkhostedattheUnitedNations.Itwas themost nervous I’ve ever been about public speaking. I knew thatTEDTalks get watched a lot, so I knew that eventually some ridiculously highnumber of people (perhaps approaching one million) would see it, especiallysinceitwashostedattheUnitedNations.IarrivedinNewYorkearlyjustsoIcould spend an entire day practicing my fourteen-minute speech in my hotelroom, in front of a mirror, dressed in my Chinese suit (literally a full dressrehearsal).Itturnedout,eventhatpreparationwasnotenoughforme.

WhileIwasdeliveringmyTEDTalkonstage,halfwayintomytalk,Igotso

nervousmy right leg started shaking.At least I had the clarityofmind to tellmyself,“Ifyoudon’tfixthisproblemsoon,historyisgoingtorememberyouastheguywho felloff the stageatTED.”Withmymeditation training, Iwasatleast able to calm my mind enough to continue speaking as if nothing waswrong,buttheshakingdidn’tstop.SoIsubtlyshiftedmyweighttomyleftlegandcontinuedspeaking.Afterashortwhile, the right legstoppedshaking,butthe left leg started shaking, so I subtly shiftedmyweight back and continuedtalking.

Afterafewminutes,Irecovered.I’mhappytoreport thatIdidnotfalloffthestageatTED,hencetheannalsofhistorycontainonefewercomedicstoryatmyexpense.WhenIlatergottowatchthevideoonted.com,Iwasastonishedtoseetheguyonstageconfidentandshowingnosignsofnervousness.AndIwasthere—thatguywasme! Iknowprecisely theanxietyhe felt inside,butat thesame time, hewas very composed, evenwhile holding that anxiety, confidentthathecouldrecover.ThatwaswhenIrealizedthattwentyyearsofmeditationpracticewasnotacompletewasteofmytime.

Anotheraspectofconfidencearisingfromresilience ismorepowerful thanall the other aspects of confidence we have talked about, possibly powerfulenough that even if youmaster only this one aspect alone, you can live yourentirelifewithimpeccableconfidence.Thisisthewillingnesstobearwitnesstoourownpainandfailure.Tobewillingandable toclearlysee thisself—this wretched, useless self—to see all his pain, to see all his failings, hisdesperateclingingontoallthingspleasantandhisfrenziedaversiontoallthingsunpleasant,toseeallthesufferinginvolvedinhavingthishumanformmanifest

inhim,tobewillingandabletobearwitnesstoallofthatwithcomposureandkindness—that is an immense source of confidence. Better still, if you canwitness all that pain and failure within yourself and have the composure andkindnessbesufficientlystrongforagentlejoytoariseandpermeateeveninthemidstofwitnessingall thatpainand failure, thenyouwillhavenomore fear,andyouwillembodytheconfidenceoffearlessness.This isoneof thehighestlevelsofconfidenceyoucanhave.

Someyearsago,whileIwasstrugglingwithanextendedepisodeofsevereemotional distress, Imade the stupid decision of scheduling a ten-day formalmeditation retreat right in themiddle of it. In general, meditation retreats aretoughformostpeople.Yourbackhurtsfromsittingforhoursaday,youbattlesleepiness(andguilt)whileyou’resitting,butyoudon’tsleepwellatnightwhenyou’resupposedto,youcan’ttalk,thecommunaltoiletiseithertooclosetoyourroomortoofaraway,andyou’reawayfromallthingscomforting:lovedones,familiarroutine,Internetaccess,andjunkfood.Blahblahblah.Thingsarehardenoughastheyare.Ifyou’realsohavingtofacesevereemotionaldistress,thatmakesthingsmuchworse.

Duringthosetendays,Ispentalmosteveryoneinintenseemotionalpain.Ihadnothing todoalldayexcept to try to focusmyattentiononmybreath. Inotherwords, I couldn’t do anything all day except to confrontmy unbearableemotional pain in the midst of physical discomfort. All day. Every day.Remarkably,abouthalfwayintoit,arounddayfive,therewasatwenty-five-hourperiodwhenmymindbecameeffortlesslyandintenselyfocusedonthebreath,andfilledwithdeepcalmnessandrelaxation,plussomedegreeof joy.Itcameout of nowhere, and in twenty-five hours, it completely disappeared. Weird.Outsideofthattime,though,IwasonthePainChannel:allpain,allday.Icameoutoftheretreatthinkingthat90percentofitwasacompletewasteofmytime.Ihatedit.Ihadfarbetterthingstodo,thankyouverymuch.

When I returned to my regular life, however, I noticed a suddentransformation.For reasons I couldnotexplainat the time, Iwas fullof innerconfidence.Whenmyfriendssawme, theyallhadthesamereaction.Theyallaskedsomevariationof,“Whathappenedtoyou?Youlookgreat.Youlookso...confident.”

When I reflected on itwithmy teacher, I figured outwhat had happened.Sometimeafterday twoor so, Igrew tiredof fightingmyemotionalpainandoverwhelming sense of failure, so I decided to just allow them to occupymyentirebodyandmind.Soonthereafter,IdecidedthatIwouldalsostoplookingawayfromthem.Instead,I’dlookintentlyatthemandbearwitnesstothem.Allthoseunpleasantsensationsinthebodyinvolvedintheemotionalityofpainandfeelingsoffailure,all thosethoughtsofunworthiness,eventhatawfulself-talkthattoldmeIwasnotevenworthyofbeingalive,Ijustsatandborewitnesstothem.By this time, Iwas already a seasonedmeditator, so I knew that Iwassupposedtolookatallinternalphenomenawithequanimityandkindness,butinthiscase, thedepthofmypracticewasnotyet remotelycapableofgeneratingequanimityandkindnessinthefaceofthatmuchpainandfailure,soallIcoulddowasbearwitness.Notwithequanimity,notwithkindness,justwitnessing.

Today,withhindsightfromthevantagepointofamorematuredpractice,Icanseethatthekeyingredientinmytransformationwasthemerewillingnesstobearwitnesstopainandsufferingwithinmyself.Justtobewillingtodoitwashuge.Uponreflection,IrealizedthatthereisawordintheEnglishlanguagethatdenotes willingness to confront all things bad, and that word is: courage.Without knowing it at the time, I had spent those difficult days cultivatingcourage.Attheendofit,whatcameoutwasasmallbutperceptibleincreaseinmy courage in the face of emotional pain. And that was what explained my

suddenincreaseinconfidence.Itwastheconfidenceofcourage.

MeditationMakesYouAttractive

Once,Iwasinterviewedbyareporterdoingastoryonmeditation.Heaskedmeaboutthebenefitsofmeditation,soIgavehimafairlylonglist:improvesyourhealth, reduces stress, increases emotional resilience, makes you a moreeffectiveleader,etc.,etc.,etc.Thereporterthrewuphishandsandsaid,“Okay,is there anything that meditation does not improve?” I pointed tomyself andsaid,“Itdoesn’tmakeyousexy.”Webothlaughed.ButthenwhenIreflectedonitlater,IrealizedIwasn’tentirelyright,becausemeditationcanmakeyoumoreattractive.Howso?Inabig1995study,morethan1,500menandwomenfromtheUnitedStates,Russia,andJapanwereaskedwhattraitstheymostdesireinmarriage partners.7 Among both men and women in all three very differentcultures,thenumberonemostdesiredtraitisbeing“kindandunderstanding.”Inotherwords,kindness is extremely attractive. In addition, aswewill see inChapter 5,we know that kindness is highly trainable; therefore, you can trainyourself to be a very attractivemarriagepartner bydoing thepractices in thatchapter.(IcanalreadyimagineabadTVadforthisbookwhereagrinningmansittinginhisbedroomtellsthecamera,“Ididtheexercisesinthisbook,andmygirlfriendthinksI’manewman!”)

Thereisanotherwaymeditationcanmakeyoumoreattractive,notjustasa

potential marriage partner but also to people you work with:meditation canincrease your charisma. According to my dear friend and author of TheCharismaMyth,OliviaFoxCabane,charismaistheresultofspecificbehaviors:behaviors of presence, behaviors of power, and behaviors of warmth.8 Allthreearecritical.Behaviorsofpowercomefromauthenticself-confidence,andaswediscussed in theprecedingsection,meditationcangiveyou thatkindofconfidence.

Behaviors of presence, in my opinion, involve being totally here, in thepresent moment; and being totally with whomever you are interacting with.Mindfulnesspracticemakesyougoodatbeingtotallyhere.There’sanicestoryto illustrate being totally with, which is a short story by Tolstoy called “TheThree Questions.” The ultra-short version of that short story is this: A kingdecided that ifheknewtheanswer to threequestions,hewouldalwaysdo therightthing.Andthethreequestionsare:One,whenisthemostimportanttime?Two,whoisthemostimportantperson?Three,whatisthemostimportantthingtodo?Eventually,helearnedtheanswersfromawiseman.Themostimportanttime isnow,becausenowis theonly timewhichyouhavesomecontrolover.The most important person is the person you’re interacting with. The mostimportant thingtodois todoyourbest toservethepersonyouare interactingwith.Knowthese,thewisemantoldtheking,andyouwillalwaysdotherightthing.Inordertohavestrongpresence,beinthepresent,treatthepersonyouareinteractingwithasthemostimportantpersonintheworld,anddoyourbesttoservehimorher.Thetrainingforpresence,therefore,ismindfulness(Chapters2and3)andcompassion(Chapter5).Practicethesetwothingsandyouwillhaveastrongpresence.

Behaviors ofwarmth, inmy opinion, can be reduced to a single sentence:“I’m so happy to see you.” If youmeet somebody and tell yourself, “I am sohappytoseethisperson,”itshowsupnaturallyinyourfaceandinyourbody.So just by doing that, you will project warmth. The training for warmth isloving-kindness (Chapter 5). The stronger your loving-kindness practice, themoreorganicallyandeffortlesslyyoucanprojectwarmth.

Hence, by practicing mindfulness, loving-kindness, and compassion, youwillbecomemorecharismatic.That,andmaybeeverybodywillwant tomarryyou.

TheLuckoftheHappy

Mindtrainingcanmakeyoulucky.(No,I’mnottalkingabout“gettinglucky”—that’stheprevioussection,maybe).

Afriendonceaskedmewhatthesecretofmysuccessis.IliketosayIamsuccessful because I am smart and hardworking, but that is not entirely true,becauseIknowpeoplewhoaresmarterandharderworkingthanIamwhoarenot doing aswell.Upon reflection, I realized the secret ofmy success can beencapsulatedinasingleword:luck.IamsosuccessfulbecauseIamlucky.

Fortunately,luckisnotcompletelyrandom.Iamblessedwiththreekindsofluck that led me to become successful, and of the three, only the first iscompletely random. I have some power over the other two, though of course,thisbeingluck,thereareno100percentguarantees.Thethreekindsofluckare:

1. Beingbornintotherightcircumstances

2. Beingintherightplaceattherighttime

3. Beingsurroundedbygoodpeople

1.BeingBornintotheRightCircumstances

Iwasbornintoafamilythatwaspoorbutcaring.Inmyentirelife,Ialwayshadenough toeat (and Iknowmymomsometimeswenthungry toensure that). Ialways had shelter. I never suffered a single day of war nor a single day ofhomelessness.Despitebeingborninwhatwasthenapoor,developingcountry,mycountryhadalwaysgivenmecleanwaterontap,freevaccinations,andfreeeducation.BillionaireWarrenBuffettfamouslyreferredtothosewhogrowupinprosperityas“membersoftheluckyspermclub,”9andgiventhecircumstancesofmybirthandgrowingup,Itooconsidermyselfamemberofthatclub.Therearemanymillionsofpeoplewhoarebornintocircumstancesinwhichtheydonotevenhaveaccesstobooks,muchlesstoeducationorcleanwater.Ifyouarereadingthisbook, it is likely thatyouareblessedwithat least thesameluckIwas.

Ihavenotdoneasinglethingtodeservethiskindofluck—Iamjustlucky.TheonlythingIcandoispayitforwardbycommittingtomakingtheworlda

betterplaceinmylifetime.

2.BeingintheRightPlaceattheRightTimeThis kind of luck is not completely random. We all have some power tocontribute to it, and inmy case I have done two things.One is toalways beprepared for opportunity in case it arises. I always try to domy best,mostoutstandingwork.WhenIwasaninternatIBMin1999,CEOLouGerstnertooktime to speak to the interns. One of my fellow interns asked him what hadcontributedmosttohisownsuccess.Hesaiditwasalwaysdoinganoutstandingjob,nomatterthework.Evenifit’sathanklessjob,evenifit’sataskthatoffersno promotion prospects, always do outstanding work. If we do, eventuallysomebodywillnotice,andwhenareliablepersonisneededforanimportantjob,somebody will say, “How about that Lou guy? He always does outstandingwork.Maybewe shouldgivehima try.”Lou said that is the storyofhis life,howhekeptgettingpromoted to takeonmore andmore responsibilities.Thishasturnedouttobetrueinmyexperience.

Another way I prepare for opportunities is by constantly prioritizing mypersonalgrowth,sometimeswithspectacularresults.Inearly2000,whenIwaslooking for a job, itwas theheightof thedot-comboom,andanybodywithapulseandasoftwareengineeringdegreecouldgetajobinSiliconValley.Beingan award-winning software engineerwith straightA’s froma top university, IcouldhaveanyjobIwanted.Idecidedtojoinasmall,unprofitablestartupwitha silly name called Google.Why? Because I decided I never want to be thesmartest person in the room. If I am the smartest person in the room, Iwon’tlearn anything.Hence, tomaximizemypersonalgrowth, I chose towork in acompanywherepeople seemed tobemuchsmarter than I, and itwasGoogle.And,boy,didthatdecisionworkout.

Then, I bravely jump at opportunities when they do arise. Takingadvantageofbigopportunitiesoftenrequiresus tomakemajor transitions,andthose can be scary.My dear friend ScottKriens, the admired formerCEO ofJuniper Networks, compares it to flying between trapezes: there has to be amomentwhenyouarewillingtoletgoofatrapezeandbeinmidairwithoutanysupportwhatsoever.Ifyouarenotwillingtodothat,youwillneverbeabletofly between trapezes. Taking advantage of major opportunities often requirescompletely lettinggoof something safe and comfortable, andventuring into adeeplyuncomfortableunknown.Doingsotakestwothings:theself-confidence

to put yourself in very uncomfortable situations, and the self-awareness toclearlyknowyourvalues,priorities,andpurposeinlife.

Inlate2007,whenIwasservingasanengineerinGoogle,Iledthecreationofthemindfulness-basedemotionalintelligencecurriculumcalledSearchInsideYourself in my free time. A few months later, Google’s People Operationsdepartment(whichiswhatwecallourhumanresourcesfunction)offeredmeaposition to work on Search Inside Yourself full time. I would be the firstpracticingengineer in thehistoryofGoogle to transfer intoPeopleOperations.In the engineering department, I was a respected, pioneering member withvaluableskillsthatIhadspentalifetimehoning,whileinPeopleOperations,Iwould be a questionable transplant who knew zilch about HR.At the not-so-tender age of thirty-seven, I would have to rebuild almost everything fromscratch, including my professional skills, connections, credentials, andcredibility.Well,ofcourseIshouldhavesaidno.However,IcheckedinonmyvaluesanddecidedthatwhileIlikedwritingcode,whatreallygavemepurposewas scaling inner peace, inner joy, and compassion worldwide, and PeopleOperationswouldprovidemetheopportunitytodoso.AndsoIheldmybreathand flewbetween trapezes.By 2012, Iwould be internationally recognized asthepersonwhopopularizedmindfulnessatGoogleandtherebyhelpedlegitimizemindfulnessinthecorporateworld.IthinkImadetherightmove.

In life, opportunity knocks fairly often, but if you are unprepared for it orunwillingtojumpatit,thenitwillpassyouby.Thathappenstomanypeople.If,however,youarepreparedforopportunities,youarealwaystryingtogrowandalwaysdoingyourbest,youarekeenlyawareofwhatgivesyoupurpose, andyoudevelopthecouragetoanswerwhenopportunitiesturnupatyourdoor,thenyouwillbeabletotakeadvantageofthem,andtheywillchangeyourlife,andthepeoplearoundyouwillwonderwhyyouaresofrequentlyintherightplaceat the right time. In fact, you probably don’t get anymore opportunities thantheydo—thedifference isyoucananddo takeadvantageof theonesyouget.The skills you need to do this are the self-awareness that gives you clarity ofpurpose,theself-confidencetoknowyouarecapableoflearninganythingatanyage,theresiliencetodooutstandingworkeveninunpleasantsituations,andthecourageto“flybetweentrapezes”andputyourselfinuncomfortablesituations.Everyoneoftheseskillscanbeimprovedwiththemindtrainingpracticesinthisbook.

3.BeingSurroundedbyGoodPeopleMysuccessdependsonbeingconstantlysurroundedbygoodpeoplewhowanttohelpme.Forexample,whenIneededhelpwithmymeditationpractice,someofthegreatestWesternmeditationteacherssuchasJackKornfieldandShinzenYoung offered to personally tutorme, despite their busy schedules.WhenmyteamwasdesigningSearchInsideYourself,amazingfolkslikeDanielGoleman(wholiterallywrotethebookonemotionalintelligence)offeredtheiradviceandassistance.When Ineeded to formavolunteer teamatGoogle toworkon theOneBillionActsofPeacecampaign(whichwaslaternominatedfortheNobelPeace Prize by Archbishop Desmond Tutu and six other Nobel Laureates), ahundred people volunteered. I stand on the shoulders of many giants. I amsuccessfulonlybecausesomanygood-hearted,outstanding,andcapablepeoplehave given me so much help. I am lucky to always be the recipient of theirkindnessandgenerosity.

Onceagain,Ifindthatmygoodluckonthisfrontisnotcompletelyrandom.Threethingshelpedtremendously.Thefirstisgenuinelylovingpeople.Idothatby treatingeverybody Imeetwith loving-kindness.Another thing thathelps isearning the respect of people. I do this by behaving with integrity, honoringcommitments with outstanding work, and practicing self-confidence based onequanimity.Perhapsthemostimportantthingistoconstantlyaspiretoservethegreatergood.Ifyoualwaystrytopracticecompassionandyouarealwaystryingtobenefit thepeoplearoundyouandbeyond, thegoodpeoplearoundyouwillloveyouandwanttohelpyou.

Essentially, this third aspect of luck comesmost from loving-kindness andcompassion.Fortunately,botharehighlytrainableandaredescribedindetailinChapter5.

Wehaveallheardtheexpression“Wemakeourownluck.”Unfortunately,peoplesometimes take this tomean that if someone isunlucky, it is theirownfault.Thisisnothowluckworks.Ifwecouldcontroleveryaspectofourluck,we wouldn’t need the word. However, many qualities we can train—such asself-knowledge, confidence, courage, loving-kindness, and compassion—cangreatlyincreaseourluck.Thesequalitiesalsoallcomewiththeterritoryofjoy.Thus,ifyoudothetrainingsinthisbook,youwillnotonlyexperiencemorejoy,butyouwillalsoimproveyourluck.That,Icanguarantee.

Hopefully by now you’re so excited about the multiple benefits of mindtrainingthatyoucan’twaittoreadtherestofthisbook.IknowI’mexcitedforyou,hereatthebeginningofthisjoyfuljourney.Nothinglessthancalm,clarity,emotionalresilience,self-awareness,creativity,confidence,kindness,charisma,luck,andyes,joyawaityouinthechapterstocome.

CHAPTERTWO

JustOneBreath?SurelyYouJestHowJoyCanBeginwiththeFirstBreath

Ifmindtrainingissogood,whyisn’teverybodydoingitdaily?Onedifficultywithmindtrainingisthatitcanbeveryhardtostart.Another

difficulty is, even when successfully initiated, it can be very hard to sustain.Fortunately,Ithinktheseproblemsarehighlysolvable.

Let’s again use the analogy of exercise. Everybody knows that exercise isgoodforus.Everyman,forexample,wantstohaveFabio’sbody(I’mguessingmanywomenwanttohaveFabio’sbodytoo,butinadifferentway).ThereisasimplereasonnoteverymanhasFabio’sbody:it’sreallyhardtogetintosuchamazingshape.Ittakesthousandsofhoursofhardtraining,andmostofusmendislikethattrainingmuchmorethanwedislikeourcurrentun-Fabio-likebodies.Fortunately,wedon’tneed to look likeFabio to enjoymanyof thewonderfulbenefits of physical fitness—all we need is twenty minutes of exercise threetimesaweek togain the typeofphysical fitnessweneed tochangeour lives.Sadly,eventhatishardforverymanypeople.

Every year, some large number of people haveNewYear’s resolutions tostart exercising.Many start going to the gym or jogging. After some days orweeks, somepeople just give up, usuallywith sore bodies.Thosewho persistwillfindtheirbodiesbeingconditionedtoexercise.Aftertwoweeksorso,theirbodiesareno longer sore, andafter aboutweeksevenoreight, they find theirexercise beginning to have life-changing effects. They’re healthier, they havemore energy, they lookbetter, and they feel great about themselves.And thenwhat happens? Some number ofmonths later, some large percentage begin toexerciselessandless.Theirexerciseregimensstarttotaperoff.Why?Becausethey have “no time.” It’s boring, it’s tedious, it’s hard work, and they’re toobusy,ortired,orsomething.

Whattodo?Thereareatleasttwoobvioussolutions.Thefirstiscommunity.Simply, if you have people to exercise with, for example gym buddies orrunning buddies, then you’re more likely to do it. The second solution isincorporatingexercise intodaily life.For example, insteadofdriving towork,youchoose tobike towork,so thedailycommutebecomesdailyexercise.Or,forthelessgung-hotypes,youtakethestairsratherthantheelevator,soyougetsome exercise during the workday (which is probably easier here in low-riseSiliconValleythaninmostofManhattan).

Thereis,however,athird,lessobviousbutmostimportantsolution:joy.Therearetwopartstoincorporatingjoyintoexercise.Thefirst isaskillful

ramp-up, which means that at the beginning, you put the trainee onto theexerciseregimenskillfully.Atthisstage,thekeyiseasingintoit,skillfully.Theskillful trainer doesn’t work the trainee too hard at first because this tends toprovoke psychological resistance to the training, but at the same time, thetraining cannot be so easy that it has nomeaningful impact. The trainermustunderstandtheminimumeffectivedoseofexerciseandtrainatanintensitythatisslightlyhigherbutnottoomuchhigherthantheminimumeffectivedose.Thismakestrainingbotheasyandeffectiveatthebeginning;thetraineeeasesintotheexercise and gradually ramps up. More than anything, this requires properunderstandingofthetrainingprocess.

Thesecondpartof incorporatingjoyintoexerciseismakingitfun. Ifyoucanmakeexercisefun,thenpeoplewilldoit,andtheywillneverhave“notime”becausepeoplewillalwaysmaketimeforfun.Thereisawordthatencapsulatesthis solution: sports. People play tennis, basketball, and other sports because

they have fun doing so, and in having fun, they get exercise. If sports wereinventedbyusengineers,wewouldhavecalledit“gamifiedexercise.”

In otherwords, the solution to sustaining an exercise routine is tomake itjoyful,throughskillfulapplicationofeaseandfun.

Inmyexperience,wehavesimilarproblems in training themind,and theycan be solved with similar solutions. Each year, people hear about thosewondrousbenefitsofmeditation,andmanydecide togive it a try.After somedaysorweeks,manypeoplejustgiveup,thinkingit’stoohard.Thosewhogetthehangofitandpersistforawhilewillfindtheirtrainingbeginstohavelife-changing effects.They’re calmer,more focused, happier, andkinder, and theyfeelgreatabout themselves.And thenwhathappens?Somenumberofmonthslater,somelargepercentagesee theirpracticestart to taperoff.Why?Becausethey have “no time.” It’s boring, it’s tedious, it’s hard work, and they’re toobusy,ortired,orsomething.

Allthreesolutionsforsustaininganexerciseroutinealsoworkforsustaininga meditation practice. Historically, people have used community, meditatingtogetherandsupportingeachother’spractice.Thishasn’tseemedtoworkverywell in themoderncontext. I thinkpartof the reason is that, formeditation towork really well, it’s good to practice around twenty minutes a day, and inmodern society it’s hard to gather your buddies for twentyminutes a day foranythingthatdoesn’tinvolvebeer.Incorporatingpracticeintodailylifeisalsoacommon solution.We call them “informal practices,” such as walking to thebathroommindfully,ortakingmindfulbreathswhilewaitingforthecomputertostartup. Informalpracticesareverybeneficial,but inmyexperience, theycanonly complement formal sitting practice, not replace it, because they lack the

rigor of formal sitting practice. It’s like trying to develop stamina by takingwalks in the park. Walking in the park is good for your health, but notsufficientlyrigorousfordevelopingstamina.

Thatmeansweneedtorelystronglyonjoyasthesolution,justaswedoforexercise.

Thereisapointineverymeditator’spracticethatIimaginativelycalltheJoyPoint.Thisisthepointwherethemeditatorgainsreliableaccesstoinnerpeaceand inner joy, at least during meditation. The reason is, when a meditator’spractice reaches a sufficient depth, she can access inner peace on demand, atleastduringsittingmeditation,andthatinnerpeacecreatestheconditionsforthearisingof inner joy.Therefore,withenoughtraining,she isalsoable toaccessinnerjoyondemand.There’sacaveat,whichisthatsomepeopleexperiencethejoyaspectmorestronglythanpeaceandsomemayexperiencethepeaceaspectmorestronglythanjoy,sotheremaybesomedisagreementaboutwhichaspectisstronger,butwhatisclearisthatbotharepresent.IdecidedtocallittheJoyPointratherthanthePeaceandJoyPointbecauseI’mtoolazytotypethatmuch.

Themost important thingabout this isself-sustainingmomentum.Onceaperson hits the Joy Point, the virtuous cycle of joy and skillfulness keeps hergoing. She has the skill to reliably access inner peace and inner joy, whichmakes her practice joyful, so she practices more and becomes more skillful,whichmakes her practicemore joyful, and so on.This is the pointwhere shestopscomplainingtotheauthorofSearchInsideYourselfthatshecannotsustainhermeditationpractice.

Hence,thekeyquestionwemustaskis,howdoweacceleratetowardtheJoyPoint? In thinking about the problem, I realized that the solution is not toacceleratetowardjoybutinsteadtofrontloadjoyintheprocessofmindtraining.Thismeansintroducingjoyfromthebeginningratherthanwaitingtodiscoveritatsomepointyearsfromnow—andriskingthatwedon’tgettothatpoint.Betterstill,thejoy/meditationvirtuouscyclecanbekick-startedwithverylittleeffort:as little as one hundredminutes of practice (about the time it takes to watchFrozen,flyfromSanFranciscotoLasVegas,ormakeapiefromscratch),whichwewillexploreinthischapter.

Don’tWorry,BeLazy

Benotafraidoflaziness:somearebornlazy,someachievelaziness,andsomehavelazinessthrustuponthem.

Thefirststepinapplyingjoytomeditationiseasing.Thisiswhereyoueaseinto practice and arrive at the realization that meditation does not have to behard.Infact,itcanactuallybequiteeasy.Asyousettleintoease,asenseofjoyarisesthatisbornofease,andwhenabidinginthatjoy,themindrelaxessomemoreandeasebecomesmorefirmlyestablished,thuscreatingavirtuouscycle.Thisishoweasingisthefirststeptoestablishingandapplyingjoyinmeditation.Howdowebegintoestablishthisease?Withlaziness,ofcourse.Not justanylaziness,butwiselaziness.

AtGoogle,whereIspentmostofmyengineeringcareer,wehiresomeofthebestengineersintheworld.Isayhalf-jokinglythatIliketohireengineerswhoarelazy,becauselazyengineersalwaysfindthemostefficientwaytodothings.For that to work, however, they must be lazy in a very specific way. Theseengineersmust be highlymotivated and proficient, they care about producinghigh-qualityresults,buttheyaretoolazytodounnecessarywork,sotheytakethetimetogainthoroughinsightsintoasysteminordertofindtheeasiestwaytoaccomplishwhattheyneed.

This iswise laziness.Using insight andwisdom tomaximize easewithoutsacrificing quality of results, thereby benefiting yourself and all others whocome after you. I like to applywise laziness to the process ofmind training,mostlybecauseI’mstrivingveryhardtobelazy.

HowLongBeforeIGettheBenefits?

Manybeginners askone important question aboutmeditation that seldomgetsproperlyanswered.Thatquestion is, “How longdo Ihave topracticebefore Istart to see meaningful benefits?” In my experience, the answer given byteachers is almost always some variation of, “Don’t think about it, just sit.”When I was a beginner, I was frequently annoyed by that non-answer. Whydon’ttheyjusttellittousstraight?Inhindsight,Ithinkonereasonwasbecausetheybelievedit’dtakeadiscouraginglylongtime,sotheydidn’twantustobelooking out for the goal. I imagine they especially didn’t want to tellme theanswerbecausetheyweretookindtosaytome,“Maybeoneyear,butforyou,Meng,tenyears.”

Ilearnedthatmanypeople,teachersandstudentsalike,maketheassumptionthat meditation takes a long time to bring about meaningful benefits. Thisassumption probably has cultural origins, because over the past few thousandyears, meditation was taught and practiced in cultures where almost allmeditatorspracticedfulltimeforyears.Therefore,meditationtrainingprogramswere optimized for full-time practitionerswith lots of free time and notmuchelse to do, and theywere designed for arriving at nothing less than profoundmastery over the mind. Because that target audience and use case had notchanged in thousandsofyears, everybodyassumed thatmeditationnecessarilyrequires long periods of rigorous practice over many years, and nobodyquestionedthatassumption.Nobody,thatis,untillazyengineerslikemewithachronic shortage of free time started learning meditation.What is one of themost important (and annoying) things highly effective engineers do? Wequestionassumptions.

The first crack in the assumption for me came from observing that manyparticipants in mindfulness-based courses such as Mindfulness-Based StressReduction(MBSR)andSearchInsideYourself(SIY)reporttheirliveschangingduring the short seven or eightweeks of their training.Based on that, I did arough tally and arrived at the conclusion that it takes nomore than a hundredhours of practice before a meditator begins to experience benefits that aresignificant enough to be life changing. After that, whenever people askedmehowlongtheyhadtomeditatebeforeitbeginstochangetheirlife,Iwouldsay,“Aboutahundredhours.”Thesedays,however,Isay,“Aboutfiftytoahundredhours.”Why?BecauseIfoundoutthatwhentheDalaiLamawasaskedasimilarquestion, he said, “About fifty hours.” I had to adjust my answer so that theDalaiLamaandIcanbothbecorrectatthesametime.

Iwas in for amuchbigger surprise. It turnsout thatbenefits are availablewellbelowthefifty-hoursmark.A2007studybyChinesescientistY.Y.Tangshowed that a hundred minutes of meditation training is sufficient to effectmeasurable changes.1 One hundred minutes! Not ten thousand hours, not ahundred hours, not even two hours. Wow. A much more recent, 2013 studyreinforced the hundred-minutes finding.2 In this study, studentswho practicedmindfulness meditation for ten minutes a day for two weeks, a total of 140minutes,hadmeasurablyimprovedGREscores.Yes,justtwohoursandtwentyminutes to improve your GRE scores. I can already see Asian “tiger moms”rushingtoenrolltheirkidsinmindfulnessmeditationclassesaftertheyreadtheprecedingsentence.

Butwait,whoneeds140minuteswhenyoucanderivebenefitinonlyfifteenminutes?Another2013studyshowsthatamerefifteenminutesofmindfulnessmeditation can measurably improve your decision making by reducing yourvulnerability to something called the sunk-cost bias, which contributes to baddecisions (like going to a movie you don’t actually want to see because youboughtanonrefundableticket).3

Itgetsbetter. It turnsout thatmind trainingcanaffectchangesevenat theepigeneticlevelinasurprisinglyshortamountoftime.Agroundbreaking2013study by my dear friend and pioneer in contemplative neuroscience Richard“Richie”Davidsonshowedthatwhenexperiencedmeditatorsspenteighthoursin intensive mindfulness practice, their gene expression started to change.4Specifically,therewasareductionintheexpressionofpro-inflammatorygenes,which correlateswith faster physical recovery from a stressful situation. Jaw-droppingstuff.

Givenall thesedatapointsandtheexperienceofparticipants inmySearchInside Yourself classes, I arrived at a belief that meditative skills may bedevelopedatratescomparabletoskillsforothercomplexactivities.Takepianoplaying for example. It takesmaybe one or two hours to learn to play a verysimple song. Once you can play a simple song, you have the experience ofmakingmusic.Yay!True,youonlyknowhowtoplayasinglesong,butthatisameaningful, objectively measurable improvement in your music-makingabilities.Togobeyondonesong,however,tobeabletoplaysomesmallnumberof simple songs, takesa significantly largernumberofhours,maybe fifty toahundred.Atthatpoint,youcannotclaimtobegoodatthis,butatleastyoucan

nowtellyourselfthatyoucanplaythepiano.Tobeverygood,however,takesamuch larger number of hours. Perhaps after one or two thousand hours ofpractice,youbecomeverygoodatthepiano,goodenoughtobeinvitedtoplayin your local church regularly, or to be asked to teach your neighbor’s kids.Finally,togainmastery,forexample,tobegoodenoughtoplayprofessionallywith a symphony orchestra, it takes a very large number of hours of practice.Author Malcolm Gladwell reports the number is ten thousand hours, and Isuspectthisislikelycorrect.Ineithercase,ittakesmanyyearsofpracticetogetthere.

I believe the numbers are comparable for training inmeditation. To learnenough of the basics to derive meaningful benefit, akin to learning to play asimplesongonthepiano,takessomefairlysmallnumberofminutestoaverysmall number of hours.The research, as Imentioned earlier, suggests roughlyfifteenminutestotwohourstoexperiencebenefits(dependingonthebenefit—some takemorepractice thanothers).But that isnotenough formeditation tostart changing your life. For it to begin to change your life takes fifty to ahundred hours.At that point, your practice is good enough that you can quiteoftentastethesweetnessofpeaceandjoyinyoursitting,oryoustarttobecomeresilient in the faceofpainful experiences, andyou seeyourpracticebegin toaffect your daily life. For some people, this experience is life changing; forothers, they at least understand how meditation can change their lives. Tobecomeverygoodatmeditation,goodenough,forexample,thatyouareabletoaccesspeaceandjoyinsittingmeditationabout95to99percentofthetimeinnormalcircumstances,andgoodenoughforyoutocalmyourmindindifficultsituationsmore than half the time, takes about one thousand to two thousandhours of practice. This is the reason why I want all Search Inside Yourselfteachers to have at least two thousand hours of lifetimemeditation practice; Idon’tneedallofthemtobemasters,butIneedthemtoatleastbeverygood.Tobe amaster ofmeditation takesmany thousands of hours of practice. I don’tknowtheexactnumber, ten thousandsounds likea reasonableestimate tome,butIalsoknowitisaveryroughestimatewithalotofvariance.

Thekeypointis,meditationtakesalongtimetomaster,butitisveryeasytolearnand it takesonlya shortamountof time formeditation to startchangingyour life. In that sense,meditation obeys an aphorism calledBushnell’s Law,named after Nolan Bushnell, founder of the video games company Atari.Bushnell’s Law states, “All the best games are easy to learn and difficult tomaster.”

Thisleadsustoaquestiononlyashamelesslylazyengineerwouldask:whatistheabsoluteminimumamountofmeditationpracticebeforethereisanysortofbenefit?Myanswer:onebreath.

JustOneBreath?SurelyYouCan’tBeSerious

Iamserious.Anddon’tcallmeShirley.5Here, try it rightnow. Itdoesn’tgeteasierthanthis,Ipromise.

FORMALPRACTICE:ONEMINDFULBREATH

Youmaycloseyoureyesorkeepthemopen.Takeoneslow,deepbreath.For thedurationof thatonebreath,giveyourfullattentiontoyourbreathinagentleway.Totalandgentleattentiononfeelingyourbreath,thatisall.Ifyoupreferamorespecificinstruction,bringattentiontothefeelingineitheryournoseoryourbellyasyoubreathe.

When I guide this exercise in a classroom setting, I like to joke that allparticipantsjustearnedthemselvesnewbraggingrights:theyjustspentanentiremeditationsessionwithout losing theirattentiononevenasinglebreath.Jokesaside, though,notice that alreadyyouare likely tobea little calmerandmorerelaxedafter thebreath thanbefore it.Youalreadygainsomebenefitwith theveryfirstbreath.

Therearetworeasons,onephysiologicalandonepsychological,whytakingthat one mindful breath induces calmness and relaxation. The physiologicalreasonisthatbreathstakenmindfullytendtobeslowanddeep,andtakingslow,deep breaths stimulates the vagus nerve, which in turn activates theparasympatheticnervoussystem.Thatlowersstress,reducesyourheartrateandbloodpressure,andbasicallycalmsyoudown.Thepsychologicalreasonisthatwhenyouputyourattentionintenselyonthebreath,youarefullyinthepresentforthedurationofthebreath.Tofeelregretful,youneedtobeinthepast,andtoworry,youneed tobe in the future.Hence,whenyouare fully in thepresent,youaretemporarilyfreefromregretandworry.Carryingregretandworryislikehaulingaheavyburden,andtobetemporarilyfreefromregretandworry,evenforthedurationofjustonebreath,isliketemporarilyputtingdowntheburden.Itallowsthebodyandmindtoenjoyapreciousmomentofrestandrecovery.

The ability to rest and recovermayhave game-changing consequences foryou,sometimesliterally.Afriendofminewhoisanavidtennisplayertellsmethat one very important thing that distinguishes the best tennis players in theworldistheirabilitytoresetandcalmdowntheirbodiesandmindsinthetentofifteensecondsbetweenpoints.Whenthenextpointbegins,theyareinamorerestfulstatethantheywereattheendofthepreviouspoint.Becauseofthis,theycan sustainhighperformanceover andover again,which is how theywin theGrand Slams. I found that insight fascinating, but for a long time I could notverifyitbecauseIhadnoaccesstothebesttennisplayersintheworld.Andthenoneday,IhadthefortunetomeetNovakDjokovic,oneoftheverybesttennisplayers in thehistoryof thegame.ThefirstquestionIaskedhimwaswhethertheaboveclaimis true.Heconfirmedthat it is indeedtrue.More thanthat,hesaidthatathislevel,tennisisnolongeraphysicalgame—itisamentalgame,andakeypartofthatmentalgameistheabilitytostaycalmwhateverhappens.

Ifyoueveraspiretobecomeoneofthebesttennisplayersinthehistoryofthegame,youknowwhattodo.

GentleandIntense

Simply taking one mindful breath under any circumstances is beneficial.However,forthosewishingtooptimizeitsbenefits,forthatonebreathtoworkvery well, it is good to have generous helpings of two key ingredients:gentlenessinattitude,andintensityofattention.

Attendingwith intensity and gentleness is like gazing at your baby or theway your puppy looks at you. The attention is intense but also gentle andeffortless.Theideaistobringthesameintensityandgentlenesstotheobjectofmeditation,inthiscase,thebreath.Atraditionalanalogyisholdingasmallbirdinyourhand (whichmayormaynotbeworth two in thebush,but Idigress).Yourgraspisgentleenoughthatyoudon’tkill thebird;at thesametime, it isfirmandintenseenoughtokeepthebirdfromflyingaway.

Gentlenesscomesnaturallytosomepeople,butifitdoesn’tcomenaturallytoyou,don’tworry.Therearethreequalitiesyoucanuse,anyoneofwhichcanhelpyouget there.The first isphysicalrelaxation.Putyourself ina situationthatisphysicallyrelaxingforyou.Forexample,sitinyourfavoritechair,goforajog,ortakeabath.Whenyoufeelrelaxed,payattentiontothisfeelingsothatyour mind becomes familiar with it. Where there is relaxation, gentlenessfollows. The second quality is the sense of mental ease. Remember thatmeditationcanbeeasy.You’renotdoinganythinginparticular,youaresimplynoticingthebreath,whichhappensbyitselfanyway.Evenbetter,youaredoing

it only for the duration of a single breath. It’s so easy, evenMeng can do it.Thereisnowheretogo,nothingtodo,nogoaltoachieve.Wherethereisasenseof ease, gentleness follows. The third quality is loving-kindness. The reasongazing at your baby is so effortless is because love and kindness are bothinvolved.Seeifthereisanywayyoucanbringuploving-kindness,byapplyingiteither toyourself, to theexperienceof thebreath,or to thepresentmoment.Alternatively,callupamemoryinvolvinganabundanceofloving-kindnessandenjoythatmemorybeforedoingtheOneMindfulBreathmeditation.Whenthemindisimmersedinloving-kindness,gentlenessfollows.

Intensity is important because themore intensely you are attending to thepresentmoment, themore temporary freedomyougain from regrets about thepastandworriesaboutthefuture.Furthermore,themoreintenselyyoupractice,the longer the benefits linger after the practice. Tibetanmasters compare it toverystrongperfume.Ifyouhaveasmallbottleofveryintenseperfume,ifyouopenthecapforevenjustafewseconds, thefragrancewill linger in theroomfora long time.Similarly,whetheryouarepracticingconcentration,calmness,present-momentattention,orloving-kindness,themoreintenselyyoucanbringitup,thelongeritwilllingerandbenefityou.

Thereisanobservationinthefieldofsportssciencethatprovidesadramaticdemonstrationofthepowerofintensity—inthiscase,physicaltraining.ItcomesfromaformoftrainingcalledHigh-IntensityIntervalTraining(HIIT).

OneparticularHIIT training regimen called theTimmons regimen (namedafter Jamie Timmons, a professor of systems biology at the University ofLoughborough) was illustrated on a BBC documentary program called “TheTruth About Exercise.”6 In this documentary, two subjects were shown. Onesubject biked at a speed he could sustain for thirty minutes a day. The otherbiked intensely formerelyoneminute aday,goingallout for twenty secondsuntilhewasexhausted,restingforafewminutes,andthengoingalloutagain.Hedidthisthreetimes,foratotaltrainingtimeofoneminute.Weekslater,theybothachievedthesameimprovementsinatleasttwoimportantmeasures:VO2max, the amount of oxygen the body is capable of utilizing, and insulinsensitivity,whichmeasureshowsensitive thebody is to the effectsof insulin.Oneminuteversusthirtyminutes,bothachievingthesameimprovements.Wow.I am a practitioner of the Timmons regimen myself, and it appears to haveworkedverywellforme.Iapplythesameprincipletomydailymeditation:atleast some fraction of my daily meditation involves intense attention to mybreath.

Ahigh levelof intensity inmeditation iswhen theobjectofmeditation, inthis case the breath, occupies all your foreground attention.Themindmaybeawareofotherphenomena,suchasthoughts,sounds,orimages,buttheyareallinthebackground.Intheforegroundofattention,thereisnothingbutthebreath.

ThereisaZenstorythatillustratesaveryhighlevelofattentionalintensity.A Zen master asked his students, “How long is one lifetime?” The studentsvolunteeredavarietyofanswers,“Fiftyyears.”“Seventyyears.”“Onehundredyears.”Toeachanswer,themasterreplied,“No.”Finally,whentheroomwentsilent,themastersaid,“Monks,rememberthis:alifetimeistheperiodbetweentwobreaths.”

Inresponsetothisstory,oneofmyfriends,anadmiredBuddhistmeditationteacherherself,joked,“Yes,theperiodbetweentheveryfirstbreathandtheverylastbreath.”(Itistrue,advancedBuddhistmeditatorsareahumorousbunch,uptoandincludingtheDalaiLama.)

Jokesaside,thestorygivesyouanideaofattentionsointensethatitisasifalloflifeexperienceisrighthere,inthisonepresentmoment.Themomentfeelsalmosttimelessbecausewhenthemindissostronglyinthepresentthatpastandfuturearemerelyconcepts,theonlyexperienceishereandnow.Thatexperiencedoesnotrequiretenthousandhoursoftraining—itcanbetastedhereandnow,for thedurationofonebreath.Wecanallalreadydo itwithout training.Whatten thousandhoursof trainingdoes isenable themind toconcentrate thiswayfor however long it wants at whatever depth it chooses, effortlessly. But thebasicqualitativeexperienceisalreadyavailabletoallofus.

It is imperative that we apply gentleness at the same time as intensity. Inotherwords, if intensity comes at the cost of gentleness, then it is not a price

worthpaying.Forexample,ifbeingintenselyfocusedonthebreathcausesyouto feel stressedout, thenyoumust lower the intensityuntilyouno longer feelstressed.Hereisanimportantgeneralrule:if,forwhateverreason,youcanonlychooseone,alwayschoosegentlenessoverintensity. Inthiscase,attendverygentlytothebreath,andovertime,asyoubecomeaccustomedtogentlenessandgetcomfortablyrelaxedwiththebreath,thenincreaseintensity.

MakeBreathingaHabit

OneofthebestthingsabouttheOneMindfulBreathpracticeisthatsinceitissoeasy and takes so little time, you canpractice anytime and anywhere. In geekspeak,Isayitishighlyportable.That’sthegoodnews.Thebetternewsis,byitsnature, it canbe turned intoahabitveryeasily.According toCharlesDuhigg,authorofThePowerofHabit,ahabitisaloopthatconsistsofthreeparts:acue,aroutine,andareward.7Thecueissomethingthatactivatesthehabit—itleadsto the routine. The routine is the behavior itself—it leads to the reward. Thereward is the perceived benefit that comes from doing the behavior, and itreinforcesthehabitsothatthenextoccurrenceofthesamecueismorelikelytoautomaticallyactivatetheroutine.Thusaloopforms.Oneexampleofthishabitloopisbrushingmyteethtwiceaday.Therearetwocuesforme:gettingoutofbedinthemorningandgettingreadyforbedatnight.Whenthosecueshappen,Iautomatically—almostwithout thinking—walk tomy bathroom to activate theroutine,whichistheactualbrushingofmyteeth.Therewardisthesensationandsatisfactionassociatedwithcleanteeth.

In thecaseofdoingonemindfulbreath, theroutine is tobringattention tothenextbreath(and,whenpossible,agentleandintenseattention).Therewardis the senseof calmness that comes from the routine.Allyouneed is thecue.Onceyoufindtherightcue,youwillbeabletoformahabitloopandyouwillhaveatleastafewbreathsperdayofmeditationyoucanbenefitfrom,whichIpromiseyouisfarbetterthanzero.

Thereareanumberofcuesyoucanconsider.Youcanusethefirstmomentofyourdayasyourcue.Themomentyouwakeup,takeonemindfulbreathandknowthatyouhavejustbeengiventhegiftofanotherdaytolive.Youcanalsouse themoment you lie down in bed at night as your cue, inwhich case themindfulbreathrelaxesyou inpreparationforagoodnight’ssleep.Oryoucanaddanhourlychimetoyourwatchorsmartphoneandgetamindfulbreathonceeachwakinghour.Theseareallgreatcues,andIuseallofthem.TheoneImosthighly recommend, however, is this: every time you have to wait, take amindfulbreath.Ispendalotofmytimewaiting,andI imagineyoudotoo.Iwaitattrafficstopsandatlunchqueues.Iwaitattheairport,atthetrainstation,and at the taxi stand. Iwait formeetings to begin, forVIPs to arrive, formy

computer to startup, forwebpages to loadup.Somuchwaiting.Every time Ineedtowait,Itakeoneormoremindfulbreaths.

Thisisawonderfulpracticewithmanybenefits.First,Ineverwasteanytimeanymore,becauseeverymomentIwaitisamomentIgettospendproductively,practicing mindfulness meditation. Second, if the waiting causes me anyagitation,Igettousethebreathtocalmdown.Andperhapsbestofall,onceyoudo thispracticeoften enough that it becomesahabit, youwill neverbeboredanymorebecauseboredomitselfbecomesacue.Atthefirstsignofboredom,themindgoeslike,“Yay!Igettomeditate.”Andthenthemindjustspontaneouslyengagesinmeditation.Nomoreboredom.

Actually,thereareexceptions.Formyself,inthepasttenyearsorso,Icanremember exactly two times Iwas bored.Onewas near the end of a ten-daymeditationretreatwhenIwassotiredwithpractice,Itemporarilylostmyabilitytomeditateforaday,andduringthatday,Iexperiencedboredom.AnothertimewaswhenIwasinanaudiencewatchinganextremelybadstageproduction.Itwassobad,Icouldnotbeartowatchanotherminuteofit,butitwassoloud,Icouldnotdropintomeditationatthetime,soIwasbored.However,inthefirstcase,Iwassufferingdespair,andinthesecondcase,agitation,sobothtimes,Iwas suffering from something farmore intense than boredom, hence boredomitself wasn’t really a problem. Therefore, the number of times in the past tenyearsorsowhenboredompersewasarealproblemforme:zero.Ihavefoundthistobeacommonexperienceamongseasonedmeditators.

This is yet another cool benefit of mind training: you will suffer lessboredom until, with practice, you reach a point where you will very seldom,almostnever,experienceboredomagainfortherestofyourlife.

Even more important, once the cue-routine-reward cycle of one mindfulbreathisstronglyestablished,it’samentalhabit,andwiththishabit,verysoon,the mind gets familiarized with meditation. Through familiarization, formalmeditationpracticebecomesbotheasiertodoandeasiertosustain.Allthat,plusall those one breaths add up over time. This practice yields benefits here andnow, it yields even greater benefits in the future, and it takes almost no extratime.Lifedoesn’tgetmucheasierthanthis.

INFORMALPRACTICE:CREATINGAHABITOFTAKINGMINDFULBREATHS

Chooseacue,somethingthat,whenitoccurs,activatesthehabitoftakingamindfulbreath.ThecueImosthighlyrecommendisanysituationwhenyouhavetowait.

Wheneverthecueoccurs,takeoneslow,deepbreathandbringsomeamountofattentiontothatbreath.Forsafetyreasons(forexample,ifyou’rewalkingordriving),youmayneedtomaintainanappropriateamountofattentiontoyoursurroundingsasyoupaysomeattentiontoyourbreath.

Iftakingthatmindfulbreathmakesyoufeelanybetter,simplynoticethat.Itwillbetherewardthatreinforcesthehabit.

JoyStartsHere,withtheFirstBreath

Atthispointinyourpractice,afteryouhavedonesomeiterationsofonemindfulbreath,youmayalreadybegintotasteatinyhintofthejoyofpractice.Itmaybetoosubtleat this timeforyoutoconsciouslynotice it; inwhichcase, it is finebecause as your practice deepens, the joywill get stronger andyour ability toperceiveitwillalsogetsharper,soitisonlyamatteroftimebeforethejoyofpracticebecomesperceptible.

Atthispoint,youmayexperiencejoyfromanyoffoursources,twoofwhichareshort-livedandtwoofwhichareveryimportantandhighlydurable.

The two short-lived sources of joy are the joy of novelty and the joy ofperceived agency. The joy of novelty is the excitement of experiencingsomething new, which obviously fades away very quickly because, bydefinition, thingsdon’tstaynewforvery long.The joyofperceivedagency isdiscovering thatwhat you initially thoughtwas totally beyond your control issomething you can make some choices about. That joy is also short-lived

becausewehabituatetoitveryquickly.Tome, the best illustration of these two sources of joy came from a little

babygirl.Oneday,whenmydaughterwasaboutthreemonthsold,shortlyaftershegainedcontrolofherownhandsandfingers,Igaveheratoycarforthefirsttimeandshowedherhowtoplaywithit(bypushingitforward).Shewatchedthe demonstrationwith fascination, as ifDaddywas the coolest guy on earth.Shepickedupthecar,pusheditforwardtoseeitmove,andthensheburstintolaughter, as if that was themost amazing thing she had ever done in her life(whichitprobablywasatthetime,sinceherrepertoireatthatpointmostlyhadtodowiththeprocessessurroundingingestionanddigestion).Andthenshedidit a second time,pickedup thecar,pushed it forward, andburstout laughing.And a third time, and so on. It went on for a few minutes, after which thelaughter faded. The fascination with the car lasted a few more minutes. Iconjecturedthatmydaughterhadjustexperiencedthejoysofnovelty(atoycarthat can bemade tomove) and perceived agency (discovering that she couldmakeachoicetocausethetoycartomove).Ofcourse,Icouldonlyconjecturesince three-month-old babies do not usually engage in analytical discussionsinvolvingthesubtletiesoftheirmentalstates.

Adultscanalsoexperiencethejoysofnoveltyandperceivedagency,butforus, the experience is extremelymuted compared to babies becausewe sort oftakeagencyforgranted(“Heylook,IcanmoveasmallobjectfrompointAtopoint B, big deal.”) and things usually have to be fairly intense to trigger anoveltyresponseinus.Still,itispossiblethatwemayexperienceahintofthesejoysindoingmindfulbreathing,especiallyifweweresomewhatagitatedbefore

themindfulbreathandthenbecamemeaningfullycalmerafterit.Theremaybeanovelty feeling of “Whoa, cool, Iwasn’t expecting that.”And theremaybe arealization of agency, knowing that “There is actually something I can do toreducemyagitationinaveryshortamountoftime,wow.”Knowingthatyouarenotentirelyatthemercyofagitationcanbringsomejoy.

However, even if you experience joy fromboth sources, theywill be veryshort-lived,soletmetellyouabouttwoothersIhavefoundtobeveryimportantand highly sustainable. How sustainable? Twenty-plus years of meditationpractice later, Istillexperience thesekindsof joya lot,andIexpect tofor therest of my life. The first highly sustainable source of joy is the joy ofmomentary relief from affliction. The mind is very often in some state ofaffliction. Sometimes, the mind suffers from debilitating affliction such asdespair, depression, or hatred. Quite often, it suffers from potent but notnecessarily debilitating affliction such as greed,worry, remorse, fear, envy, oranger.Very often, even in the absence ofmore acute affliction, there is somesubtle affliction such as low-level restlessness and agitation. Attending gentlyandintenselytoonebreath,wefindsometemporaryrelieffromaffliction,andconsequentlyjoyariseswiththatrelief.Thisreliefandjoyareavailablestartingfromthefirstmindfulbreath.Withpractice,theycanexpandinbothdepthandtime.Inotherwords,reliefandjoycanincreaseinpowertocounterstrongerandstrongerafflictionsforlongerandlongerdurations.WewilltakeanotherlookinChapter4whenwetalkaboutthejoyofnotbeinginpain.

The second highly sustainable source of joy is the joy of ease. This issomething youmay experiencewhen you’re sitting in a hot tub, in a state ofalertness(notdozingoff)andrelaxationatthesametime.Inahottubthereis,ofcourse,joyfromsensualpleasure,butinadditiontoandmostlyindependentofthat,thereisthejoyofease.Partofthisjoyofeasecomesfromtheeaseofthesituation,thatthereisnothingparticularlydifficulttodoatthemoment,andtheotherpartcomesfrombeingateasewithoneself. Inmyexperience, the joyofease is alwaysavailablewhen themind isbothalertandrelaxed at the sametime.Thathasprofoundimplicationsbecause“alertandrelaxed”ispreciselythedescriptionofthemostbasicmeditativestate.Therefore,asyoulearnmoreandmorereliablytobringthemindtothebasicmeditativestate,youalsogainmoreandmore reliableaccess to the joyofease.Evenbetter,withenoughpractice,thisjoycangrowinstrengthuntilitappearstoenvelopeone’sentiredomainofexperience.Itisagentlejoythatappearstofillone’sentirebeing.

The preceding paragraph leads us to a mind-shattering, life-alteringconclusion,which is thatwith sufficient proficiency in nothingmore than themostbasicmeditativestate,onemaygaintheabilitytoreliablyaccessahighlysustainablesourceofgentlejoy,joythatisdeepenoughtoappeartofillone’sentire being.Yes,my friends, it is a big claim, and I am boldlymaking it. (IknowweareonlyatChapter2—Ipromisethisisnottheclimaxofthebook.)Aswehaveseen,youalreadyhavethisability.Withpractice,you’llgainreliability,the“ondemand”partofjoyondemand.Inmycase,ittookmeverymanyhoursofpracticetogainthislevelofproficiency,butyoumaybeabletodoitinlesstimebecauseyouhavebegunthistrainingwithamuchbetterunderstandingoftheprocessthanIhadwhenIstarted.

TheStupidestAdviceGopiHasEverReceivedCamefromMe

I have a dear friend namedGopiKallayil. Gopi is best known as theGoogleemployee (called a Googler) who started the group called Yoglers, Googlerswhopracticeyoga.Heisalsoknownas theGooglerwhoorchestrated thefirstGoogleHangoutsmeeting between theDalai Lama andArchbishopDesmondTutu,butthatisanotherstory.

Convincedofthemanybenefitsofmeditation,Gopiaspiredtomeditateforan hour a day but hadn’t succeeded at doing so. One day, he asked me foradvice.Howcouldhemanagetomeditateforonehouraday,heasked.Isaid,

“Easy,justcommittoonebreathaday.Anythingafterthatonebreathisbonus.”Gopi gave me a look that said, “You’re <expletive> kidding me, right?” Hethought,“ThisisthestupidestthingIhaveeverheardinmylife,”buthedidn’ttellme thatuntila fewyears later.At thatmoment,allhesaidwas,“Really?”(Ofcourse,ifhadhesaid,“Surelyyoucan’tbeserious,”Iwouldhavesaid,“Iamserious.Anddon’tcallmeShirley.”)

Iexplainedtohim,“First,rememberthatmeditationismentaltraining.Thatmeans the intention to do that one breath is itself ameditation, because everytimethatintentionarises,yourmindinclinestowarddoingmeditationpracticealittle bitmore.Therefore, even just having that daily intention alone is useful.Furthermore,onemindfulbreathissoeasyandtakessolittletime,youhavenoexcusenottodoit.Youcansayyoudon’thavetenminutestodaytomeditate,butyoucannotsayyouhavenotimeforonebreath,somakingitadailypracticeis extremely doable. Once you do one breath a day, you will generatemomentumforyourpractice,andwhenthedayarrivesthatyouarereadytodolongsits,themomentumisthereforyou.”

Gopirespectedmeenoughthateventhoughitwasthestupidestthinghehadeverheardinhislife,hegaveitatry,justbecauseIsaidso.Buthedidn’tjuststartwithonebreath.Hestartedwithtenbreathsaday(whichtakesaboutoneminute)becausehe isanoverachieverandwanted todo ten timesmore thanIasked.Sohedidtenbreathsadayforafewdays,andthenherealizedsomethingveryimportant.Herealizedthatonehourofsittingissimplyalotofonebreaths

stringednext toeachother—that’sall.Over time,hisdailysitsgot longerandlonger,andwithinafewmonths,hesucceededinhisgoalofmeditatingforonehouraday.

Remember,myfriends,neverunderestimatethepowerofonebreath.Mentalfitnessandjoyondemandbothstarthere,withonebreath.

CHAPTERTHREE

FromOneBreathtoOneGoogolSettlingintoSustainableJoy

Pretendthatyouareapoor,starving,landlesspeasantinancientIndia.Oneday,the king announces that he is opening the doors of the royal treasury andanybody can take as many coins as they want from it. There is only onecondition:youmayonlytakewhatyoucanpersonallycarry.

Freecoins!Ifyouarewise,youwilltakeatleastalittlebitofit.Youmaytakeonecoin,andyoucan feedyour family fora fewdays.This isgood,butwhystopatonecoin?Ifyoutaketwohandfulsofcoins,thenyoucanfeedyourfamilyformonths.Evenbetter,ifyoutakethetimetorepairyourpocketssothatwhen you reach the royal treasury, you can stuff your pockets with coins inadditiontothoseyoucanholdinyourhands, thenmaybeyoucanbuyasmallfarm and feed your family for life. Even better, if you take the time tomakeyourself a strong sack, thenyoucancomehomewitha sack fullof coinsandyoucanberichforlife.Evenbetter,ifyoualsotellallyourfriendsandfamilyaboutit,sothatallofthemcanbenefitaswell,youcanincreaseyourfamilyandcommunitywealth.

Doing only the OneMindful Breath practice is like taking only one coinfrom the royal treasury—you arewise to do it and youwill derive immediatemeaningfulbenefit,butwith justa littlemoreeffort,youcouldhavebenefitedmuchmore,sonotgettingmoreisahugewastedopportunity.Doingahundredminutesofmeditationpracticeislikegrabbingtwohandfulsofcoins—it’sabigimprovement for only a little effort, but still, you can gain even more.Accumulating fifty to a hundred hours ofmeditation practice is like repairingyourpocketsandstuffingthemwiththeroyalcoins.Ittakessomeeffort,butyouwillbegin tochangeyour life.Accumulating thousandsofhoursofmeditationpracticeislikegoingtotheroyaltreasurywithastrongsack.Yes,youwillneedto spend timeandeffortmakinga sack, andyes,youwill exert a lotof effortcarryingallthosecoinsbackhome,butyouwillderivelifelongbenefitsbeyondyourwildestexpectations.Finally, teaching thepath toothers is like tellingallyour family and friends about the kinggiving awayhis coins.You elevate alltowardpeace,joy,andgoodness,andallofsocietybenefits.

Thefruitsofmeditationpracticearelikefreecoins,theyareavailabletoallwhowant them,andhavebeenfor thepast thousandsofyears.Theonlythingonehastodoistogetthem.Theyhavebeenindependentlyrediscoveredinoneform or another in all faith traditions, and they are now also available in thesecularworld.Ihopetoseethevastmajorityofhumanityfillingpockets,sacks,wheelbarrows,andpickuptruckswithmeditationpractice.

In this chapter, let us explore ways to skillfully extend the ease of ourpracticesfromonesinglebreathtoafortune.

TheBasicTraining:SettlingtheMind

Sometimes,yougetluckyinlife,whenthemostimportantthingyouneedtodoturnsouttoalsobethesimplest.Oneexampleisbreathing.Breathingisthemostimportant thingwe need to do in our lives, and formost of us, it is also theeasiest thing we ever do. If you belong to the population of people who canbreathe effortlessly, you are so lucky! The same turns out to be true formeditation,thatthesimplestskillinmeditationisalsothemostimportant.Whatisit?

Thesimplest,mostfundamental,mostbasic,andmostimportantmeditativeskillofallistheabilitytosettlethemind.

Whatdoes itmean tosettle themind?Pretendyouhaveasnowglobe thatyouareconstantlyshaking. If Iaskyou tosettle thesnowglobe,whatdoyoudo?Youputitonthetable,orthefloor,oranyotherstationarysurface.Oneofthe literalmeaningsof theword settle is “tocomedownontoa surface.”Youliterallysettlethesnowglobedown,thatisall.Soeasy.Oncethesnowglobeissettled, thenover time, thewater in itbecomesstill, the snowflakes fall to thebottom,andthesnowglobebecomescalmandclearatthesametime.

Settling themind is similar. To settle themind simplymeans resting it sothat it approaches somedegree of stillness.There aremanyways to settle themind,butIliketosuggestthreemethodsthatareeasyandhighlyeffective.

The first method is anchoring. This means bringing gentle attention to achosenobject,andifattentionwandersaway,gentlybringingitback.Thinkofanchoringasashipdroppinganchorinchoppyseas.Theshipstaysclosetotheanchoringsitedespitethemovementofwindandwater.Inthesameway,whenattentionisanchoredtoachosenobject,itstaysclosetotheobjectdespiteothermental activity. For the object ofmeditation, youmay choose any object thataffordsthemindsomemeasureofattentionalstability.Thestandardmeditationobject(andmypersonalfavorite)isthebreath,butyoucanalsochoosethebodyor any sensory experiences such as sights, sounds, touch, or internal bodysensations,oreven theentire sensory fieldall atonceasa single largeobject.OnepersonIknowfoundthesensationonthesolesofhisfeettobehisfavoritemeditationobject.Thatguyisobviouslyverygrounded.And,yeah,I thinkhisideahaslegs.

Ifanchoringistoohardforyou,hereisthesecondmethod:resting.Restingmeans exactly that, to cease work or movement in order to relax, that is all.WhenI’mphysicallytiredafterahardworkout,Isitdownonmycomfychair

andrest.Similarly, torest themind,allIdoissitdownandallowmymindtorelax.Onewaytorest themindis touseanimage.Imagineabutterflyrestinggentlyonaflowermovingslowlyinthebreeze.Inthesameway,themindrestsgentlyonthebreath.Anotherwayistousethismantra,“Thereisnowheretogoandnothingtodoforthisonemoment,excepttorest.”Restingisaninstinct—weallknowhowtodoit.Theideahereistoturnrestingfromaninstincttoaskill.

If resting is still too hard for you, here is the thirdmethod:being. Beingmeans shifting fromdoing tobeing. Itmeansnotdoinganything inparticular,just sitting and experiencing the presentmoment.You can think of it as non-doing,orsittingwithoutagenda,orsimplyjustsitting.Thekeyingredientofthispractice is being in the present moment. As long as your attention is in thepresent,youaredoing it right.Alternatively,andslightlymorepoetically,youcanthinkofthekeyingredientasknowing.Aslongasyouknowyouaresitting,youaredoingitright.

All three practices above, and all practices that settle themind in general,havetwofeaturesincommon:theyallinvolvesomedegreeofmentalstillnessandattentiontothepresentmoment.Becauseofthat,theyallleadtothebasicmeditative state,which is the statewhere themind isalert andrelaxed at thesametime.Whenthemindisalertandrelaxed,overtime,itwillcalmdownthesamewaythesnowflakesinthesnowglobesettledown,andthemindabidesinastatewhereitisbothcalmandclear.

Letusgiveitatry.

FORMALPRACTICE:EXPLORINGWAYSTO

FORMALPRACTICE:EXPLORINGWAYSTOSETTLETHEMIND

Letusdoashort,five-minutesit.Wewillspendthefirstthreeminutesexploringeachofthethreemethods of settling the mind, for one minute each. We will then spend the last two minutesfreestyling,practicinganyofthethreemethodsthatyoumostprefer,oranycombinationofthethree.

SetupSitinanyposturethatallowsyoutobealertandrelaxedat thesametime,whateverthatmeanstoyou.Youmaykeepyoureyesopenedorclosed.

Anchoring(1Minute)Foroneminute,bringgentleattentiontothebreath,orthebody,oranysensoryobjectthataffordsthemindsomemeasureofattentionalstability.Ifattentionwandersaway,gentlybringitback.

Resting(1Minute)Forthenextminute,restthemind.Ifyoulike,youmayimaginethemindrestingonthebreaththesame way a butterfly rests gently on a flower. Or say to yourself, “There is nowhere to go andnothingtodoforthisonemoment,excepttorest.”

Being(1Minute)For thenextminute, shift fromdoing tobeing.Sittingwithoutagenda. Just sit andexperience thepresentmoment,forthedurationofoneminute.

Freestyle(2Minutes)For the next twominutes, youmaypractice any one of the threemethods above,whichever yourfavoriteis,oryoumayswitchbetweenthematanytime.

After doing one or a few rounds of the above exploration, it is useful todecide whichmethod of settling the mind is your favorite. This will be yourprimary method for settling the mind. Don’t worry about making a “wrong”choice—thereisnowrongchoice,plusyoucanchangeyourmindanytime.Itissort of like choosing your favorite flavor of ice cream—there is no wrongchoice,andyoucanchangeyourmindanytime.

Irecommenddoingtheexerciseofsettlingthemindatleastonceaday,forat leastoneminuteaday.Most teachers Iknowrecommend twentyminutesaday,butyoumaydoit foranydurationyouwant,knowingthatnodurationistoolong.Evenseasonedmeditatorsonformalretreatsmaychoosetodothisonevery basic meditation for ten or more hours a day, so don’t be shy aboutpracticingsettlingthemindforaslongasyouwant.

FORMALPRACTICE:SETTLINGTHEMIND

FORMALPRACTICE:SETTLINGTHEMIND

Choose one of the three methods of settling the mind (anchoring, resting, or being) to be yourfavoritemethod.Sitinanyposturethatallowsyoutobealertandrelaxedatthesametime,whateverthatmeanstoyou.Youmayopenorcloseyoureyes.

Settleyourmindusingyourfavoritemethodforanydurationoftime.Youmayswitchbetweenmethodsatanytime.

DifferentMeditativeStrokesforDifferentMeditatingFolks

Why did I present threemethods to settle themind?Why not just one? Is itbecauseI’mgreedy?No,itisnot(just)becauseI’mgreedy.Ididthatbecauseofaveryimportantfactaboutmeditativetrainingthateverymeditationteacherandtrainee needs to be keenly aware of, which is that each person has a slightlydifferent mental disposition, and therefore, different training methods workbetterfordifferentpeople.

Even among these three simple methods for training the most basic ofmeditativestates,onemethodmayworkbetterforsomepeoplethanothers.Oneperson might find anchoring difficult because he gets stressed out trying toanchor attention on the breath.Another person struggleswith the being (non-doing)methodbecauseshekeepsbeingbotheredbythequestion,“AmIdoingitright?” For her, anchoring might be more comfortable because she knowspreciselywhensheis“doingitright.”Anotherpersonmightbeattractedtotherestingmethodbecausesheplaysalotofsportssosheknowspreciselywhatitmeanstorestandshecanaseasilydoitforthemindasshedoesforthebody.Giventhatsettlingthemindis themost importantofallmeditativepractices,Idecidedtosuggestthreedifferentmethodsthatcoverafairlywidespectrumofdispositions. In general, it is important for teachers and trainees not to be tooattachedtoanyonetrainingmethod.Inaddition,inmyopinion,itisimperativeforateachertounderstandhowatrainingmethodworks,itsprosandcons,andthenbeabletoexplainittothetraineetohelphimfindtheoptimalmethodsforhimself.

Itisalsousefultonotethatevenforthesameperson,theoptimalmeditationmethodmay change according to the situation. For example,myown favorite

methodofsettlingthemindisanchoringtothebreath,butonsomedays,havinghadaveryexhaustingdayatwork,Imaydecidethebestpracticeisresting,notanchoring.

Thatleadsustoanimportantpracticalquestion:howdoweknowwhatisthebestpracticeatanygivenmoment?Overtime,withsufficientpractice,youwilldevelopanintuition.You’llbecomelikeaskillfulsushichefwhocanintuitivelyadjust for slight variations between one batch of rice and another to alwaysprepare perfect sushi rice. In the same way, you can intuitively vary yourpractice to adjust for day-to-dayvariations in your state ofmind.What if youhaven’tyetdevelopedtheintuition—whattodo,whattodo?Noworries,allyouneed to do is experiment. First, you experiment to figure out your favoritemethodforsettlingthemind.Then,ateverymeditationsession,startwithyourfavoritemethod.Ifforanyreasonyoufeeltheneedtochangethemethod,feelfree todo so at any time, and after changing it, if you feel youwant to comebacktoyourfavoritemethod,comebackatanytime.There isnodownsidetoexperimenting, and there isnoway todo itwrong; it’s agame rigged inyourfavor—ifyouplay,youwin.Whenindoubt,youcanjuststicktoyourfavoritemethod and trust that it is fine. It’s like a novice sushi chef who hasn’t yetdeveloped the skill to adjust for slight variations between different batches ofrice.Aslongashefollowsthestandardrecipe,hecanstillproducetastysushirice.Hisricemaynotalwaysbeperfectlikethemaster’s,butitisstilltasty.

In general, never be shy to experiment, and never be afraid to vary yourpracticefromdaytoday.Ofcourse,ifyouprefertostaywiththesamepracticeformanyyears, don’t be afraid to do that either.Nobody is going to call younames.

IDon’tSettletheMind—TheMindSettlesItself

The snow globe analogy yields an important insight about what you can andcannotcontrol.Youhavedirectcontrolofwhetheryoushakethesnowglobeorsettle iton the table,butyouhavenodirectcontrolover thestateof thewaterand snowflakes in it.Youcannot, for example,putyourhand inside the snowglobe tohold thewater downandyou cannot pushdown the snowflakeswithyourfingers.However,beingwisetothelawsofphysicsandall,youknowthatbysettling thesnowglobeon the tableandgiving it time, thewaterwillcalm

downandthesnowflakeswillsettlebythemselves.Therefore,ifyoudesirecalmandclearwater in the snowglobe,youknow thatyouneed to settle the snowglobeonthetableandthenallowthelawsofphysicstodotheirthing.

Itissimilarwiththemind.Wereallydonothavedirectcontroloverwhetherthemindissettledornot,butwhatwecandoiscreatetheconditionsconducivetothemindbeingsettledandthenallowthemindtotakeitsowntimetosettleitself.

This is an important lesson you will learn over and over again in yourmeditativepractice, thatavitalkey topractice is toputeffort intocreating therightconditionsforwhatyouwanttohappen,andthentoletgoandallowthingstohappen(ornothappen)ontheirown.Inthissense,meditationislikefarming.A wise farmer creates all the conditions conducive for crops to grow—sheprepares the ground, plants the seeds, andmakes sure there is enough water,fertilizers,andsunlight,andthenshethinks,“IhavedoneallthatIcan.NowIallownaturetodowhatitdoes.”Thisanalogyisespeciallyappropriatesincethetraditional Sanskrit word for meditation is bhavana, which literally means“cultivation.” A key aspect of meditation is the skillful combination ofwiseeffortandlettinggo.

Thesnowglobeanalogyhasitslimitations.Itdoesnotcapturetheimportantfact that the more often you practice, the more quickly and easily the mindsettles,duetoafeatureofthemindcalledfamiliarization.Themorethemindisin contactwith anymental quality (such as calm or joy), themore familiar it

becomes with it, and the more familiar the mind becomes with that mentalquality, themore quickly and easily it gets it. Familiarization is the other keyaspect of meditation. Familiarization is so important in meditation that theTibetanwordformeditationliterallymeans“tobecomefamiliar.”

Evenrighthere,workingonthesimplestandmostbasicofmeditativeskills,youseetheimportanceofwiseeffort,lettinggo,andfamiliarization.Thesethreequalities apply toallyour training, fromhere rightup tomastery.Know themwell—theywillbeyourconstantguidesonthisjourney.

MeditationIsNotAboutNotThinking

Oneofthebiggestmisconceptionsaboutmeditationisthatitinvolves“emptyingyour mind of all thoughts.” This one misconception is more responsible forturning people away from meditation than any other that I know of. Manybeginnersmistakenly think that they are supposed to have no thoughts duringmeditation, and then when they find thought after thought after thoughtcascadingendlesslyanduncontrollablyinthemindlikearagingwaterfall,theydecidethatmeditationisimpossibleandtheygiveup.

No, meditation is not about suppressing thoughts. Instead, meditation isabout allowing the mind to settle on its own terms, in its own time, whichincludesallowingthoughtstoariseasandwhentheywantto.Itistruethatovertime, with practice, as the mind becomes more deeply settled, the stream ofthoughtsslowsdownandeventuallygoesfrombeinglikearagingwaterfall tobeinglikeafast-flowingriver,thenmorelikeaslow-flowingstream,andfinally,themind is like a placid lake.Over time (inmy own case, aftermany,manyhoursofmeditationpractice),themindlearnstoquietdownondemand,butthatdoesnotcomefromsuppressingtheprocessofthinking—instead,itcomesfromlearning to give the mind the space and time to settle on its own terms.Meditationisnotwhatyouthink,ornotthink.

MindTrainingIsLikeCooking:TheThreeMentalFactorsinMeditation

When Iwasgrowingup,oneofmyneighborswas anice ladywhom I calledAuntie Stella.Auntie Stellawas, by far, the best cook in the neighborhood. Irememberher fondlybecauseaftermymomstarted to learn tocookfromher,she (Mom)becameagreat cookand Iwasabeneficiary. I rememberonedaywhenIwasinmyearlyteens,IaskedAuntieStellaforthesecrettobeingagreatcook.Ihadmynotepadreadyanticipatinganelaborateanswer,butno,shejustsaid,“Itisverysimple—itisallaboutthecontrolofthefire.”Iwasincredulousat first. Surely it can’t be that simple, I protested. She illuminated me withnumerousexamples.Shesaid,forexample,thereisareasonsheusedaclaypotratherthanametallicpotforaparticulardish,whichisbecauseofthewayclaypotsdistributeandretainheat.Thereisareasononeputsinthegarlic,andthenthemeat, and then the vegetables in a stir-fry, and that is because each cooksbestatadifferenttemperature.Thereasonyoucookriceincoldwater,nothotwater, is because if you put the rice in hot water, the outer layer of the ricebecomesan insulating layer thatprevents the inner layer frombeingcooked. Iwas fascinated. She was right, the secret to effective cooking is the skillfulmanagementofenergy.

IrelearnedthesamelessonyearslaterwhenItookupmeditation.Thesecret

toeffectivemeditatingistheskillfulmanagementofeffort.TheBuddhaofferedasimilaranalogy,butbecausehedidn’thavethefortuneofbeingAuntieStella’sneighbor,hisanalogydidnotinvolvecooking.Insteaditinvolvedgoldsmithing.TheBuddhataughtthataskillfulgoldsmithdoesthreethingswhileworkingonapieceofgold:periodicallyhestrengthensthefire,periodicallyhesprinkleswaterontothegold,andperiodicallyheexaminesthegoldclosely.Similarly,askillfulmeditatorperiodicallydoesthreethings:periodicallyhearousesmentalenergy,periodically he calms the mind, and periodically he watches the mind withequanimity.1Thesethreefactorsbalanceeachother.Ifthereistoomuchmentalenergy,themindmayberestless;if thereistoomuchcalmness,themindmaybedull;andifthereisonlyequanimouswatchingwithouttheotherfactors,theremaybeinsufficientconcentrationtoadvanceintodeepwisdom.

Simply put, skillfully managing energy in meditation boils down tobalancing three mental factors: mental relaxation, mental energy, andequanimouswatching.Onaday-to-daybasis,weneedallthreeatonce,alwaystogether, supporting and bringing the best out of each other, sort of like theThreeStooges.Whensomebodyneedstoactbossy,Moestepsup;whenafiddleneedstobeplayed,it’sLarry;andwhenyouneedaboxerintheringtoraiseathousanddollars for theorphanage, that’sCurly.Eachof the threestoogeshashismoment in the spotlight, but in reality, theyare always theThreeStooges,alwaystogethersupportingeachother’sroles.

Similarly,it isimportantnottoneglectanyofthethreementalfactors.Buthow?Turnsout, it iseasierdone thansaid.Thekey is topracticeequanimouswatching,basicallyjustwatchingyourselfwhileyoumeditate.Ifyounoticetoomuch tension, then apply mental relaxation, and if you become sleepy, thenapplymentalenergy.Thatisall.Itisliketheskillfulgoldsmithworkingonhisgold,regularlywatchinghiswork,andheeitherstrengthensthefireorsprinkleswaterasneeded.Thekeyiswatching.

PuppyDogMeditation

Here is a fun way to systematically practice all three mental factors—mentalrelaxation,mentalenergy,andequanimouswatching—inthesamesitting.Thinkofitasstretchingyourmentalmuscles.Thismeditationcomesinfivesteps,eachwithitsownstory.

The first step is to relax. The story begins with you and your cute littlepuppysittingunderatree,justrelaxing,doingnothinginparticular.Yourpuppyisyoung,energetic,andcurious.Shelikestowanderaround,butshealsolikesyou,soshegenerallylikestostayclosetoyouevenwhilewandering.Everynowandthen,though,shewanderstoofarforyourcomfort,andwhenthathappens,yougentlyandlovinglycarryherbacktothebaseofthetree.Awwwwww.Socute.Thetreerepresentsyourbreath,andthepuppyrepresentsyourmind.Inthisstepofthemeditation,justrelaxandallowthemindtowanderalittle,andifitwanderstoofaraway,justgentlyandlovinglycarryitback.Howfaristoofar?Ithinkaslongasthebreathisinthebackgroundofattention,oryoucompletelyforget the breath but for no more than a few seconds at a time, it is good.Actually,itdoesn’treallymatter,becausethekeypracticeatthisstepismentalrelaxation,soaslongasyouarerelaxed,allisfairgame.

Thesecondstepistorejoice.Atthispointinthestory,thepuppyhasspentsome timewithyou,herhuman.Shehasbecome familiarwithyou, she lovesyou, and she generally likes to sit next to you.When she does, you rejoice,havingsuchalovelybeingsittingnexttoyou.Shestilllikestowanderaround—sheisstillapuppyafterall—sosheisnotalwayssittingnexttoyou,butevenwhensheisrunningaround,youstill lookatherandrejoice,“I’msohappytohavethispuppy.”Similarly,themindatthistimeisalittlemorerelaxedandalittlemoresettled.Beingsettled,itisnoweasiertobringthemindtothebreath.Whenyoudo,takethetimetorejoice,thinking,“Mindissettledonthebreath.Iamhappy.”Andevenifthemindiswanderingaway,takethetimetorejoiceinhavingabreathbeforebringingitback.

Thethirdstepistoresolve.Atthispointinthestory,thepuppyhasgrownintoabeautifulyoungdogandisnowoldenoughfortraining.Duringtraining,youaregentleandloving,butatthesametime,youarealsoafirmenforcerofdiscipline.Youshowacertainresolve.Whenyousay,“Sit,”youexpectthedog

tosit,andshewillgetnocookieandnopositivereinforcementfromyouuntilshedoesso.Whateverorderyougive,youresolveforittobeobeyed,andyouenforcedisciplineinafirmbutgentleandlovingway.Inthisway,youtrainthedog.Similarly,themindatthistimeisalittlemorereceptivetotraining,andyouresolvetotrainit.Specifically,youresolveforyourfullattentiontostayonthebreath.Wheneverattentionwandersawayfromthebreath,firmlybutgentlyandlovinglybringattentionbacktothebreath.

The fourth step is to refine. At this point in the story, your young dog isproperly trained and it is time to refine her skills. She now obeys basiccommandstosit,stand,andsoon.Nowyoustepbeyondthebasicstotrainherinamoredemandingtask,suchashuntingfortruffles.Shedevelopstheskillstoknowthetrufflessheissmellingfor,findthemintheground,digthemout,andhave the discipline not to eat them. Similarly, your attention at this time hasgainedsomelevelofstability,anditistimetorefineitalittle.Specifically,theinstructionisto“attendtothesubtlenatureofthebreath,”whateverthosewordsmeantoyou.

Thefinalstepisrelease.Atthispointinthestory,yourdogiswelltrained.Youunleashher,allowhertorunaround,trustinghertodowhateverneedstobedoneandtocomebackonyourcall.Similarly,themindatthistimeisrelativelysettledandrefined,soletgoofalleffortandallowthemindtojustbe.

That is thepractice. It covers all threemental factorsofmental relaxation,mental energy, and equanimouswatching. “Relax” and “rejoice” covermentalrelaxation, “resolve” and “refine” cover mental energy, and “release” coversequanimouswatching.Aspartofphysicaltraining,itisalwaysgoodtodosomestretchingsothatyourmusclesandtendonscancovertheirfulldynamicrange.Ithinkof thePuppyDogMeditationasthemeditativeequivalentofastretchingexercise.Itisveryhealthy.Iencouragedoingthisoften.

FORMALPRACTICE:PUPPYDOGMEDITATION

You can do the Puppy DogMeditation for any length of time. In this exercise, let’s spend twominutes ineachof thefivestepsfora ten-minuteexercise,butyouarefree toadjust the lengthofeachstepinanyway.

SetupSitinanyposturethatallowsyoutobealertandrelaxedat thesametime,whateverthatmeanstoyou.Youmaykeepyoureyesopenorclosed.

Relax(2Minutes)Relaxandallowyourpuppytowander,but ifshegets toofaraway,gentlyandlovinglycarryherback.Inthesameway,relaxandallowthemindtowander.Thekeyistorelax,butfeelfreetobringthemindbacktothebreathatanytime.

Rejoice(2Minutes)Now,thepuppyisfamiliarwithyouandlovesyou,andshelikestositnexttoyou.Whenshedoes,you rejoice. If you catch herwandering, also rejoice at having such a lovely puppybefore gentlybringing her back. In the sameway,when you find themind being settled on the breath, rejoice,thinking, “Mind is settled on the breath. I am happy.” If the attention wanders away, rejoice,thinking,“Ihaveabreath.Iamhappy.”Thengentlybringattentionbacktothebreath.

Resolve(2Minutes)Now the puppy is a young dog and is ready for training. During training, you resolve to firmlyenforcediscipline,inagentleandlovingway.Inthesameway,youtrainthemind.Resolveforyourfull attention to stay on the breath.Whenever attentionwanders away from the breath, firmly butgentlyandlovinglybringitback.

Refine(2Minutes)Nowthatyouryoungdogisproperlytrained,itistimetorefineherskills.Inthesameway,itistimetorefinethetrainingofthemind.Fortwominutes,attendtothesubtlenatureofthebreath,whateverthosewordsmeantoyou.

Release(2minutes)Yourdogiswelltrainedandcanbeunleashed.Inthesameway,themindcanbereleased.Letgoofalleffortandallowthemindtojustbe.

Oh,Ididn’ttellyouthenameofthedog,didI?Sincesheisafemaledog,Icallher“Karma.”

Depending on your cultural background, life circumstances, and mentaldisposition, relaxation may or may not be your first challenge. Whichevermental factor needs themost work tends to appear more prominent.My firstmeditationteacher,thelateGodwinSamararatne,hadafunnywayofputtingit.HecamefromSriLankabuttaughtallovertheworld.Hesaid,“WhenIteachinAmerica, I keep having to tellmy students, ‘Relax.Don’twork so hard,’ butwhenIteachinSriLanka,Ikeephavingtotellmystudents,‘Don’trelax.Workharder.’”

WhenIfirststartedmeditation,itwasabigstruggleforme,andironically,the struggle was to learn not to struggle. I must really have been the worstmeditator in the world because I had one big problem that nobody else had:during meditation, I could not breathe properly. Why? Because I was toointense.IwasastereotypicalAsianoverachieverwithafragileego,soIalwaysputalotofpressureonmyselfineverythingIdid.WhenIwasnineteen,Itookacartoon drawing class taught by an elderly Indian gentleman with exactingstandards. After he saw the stiff look on my face during one of the drawingsessions,hetoldme,“Relax,youngman,it’sokay.It’sonlycartoons.”AnAsianteachertellingmetorelax—thatwashowintenseIwas,allthetime.

Ibroughtthatsameintensitytomymeditationpractice,andno,itdidnotgowell.Iwassostressedaboutdoingmeditation“right”thatIevenlostmyabilityto breathe properly. To solve that problem, following my modus operandi, Istruggledevenharder.Surprise,surprise,thatdidnotworkonebit.Aftermonthsof daily struggles, I finally gave up. But fortunately for me, I gave up in adisciplined manner: I continued sitting as I had committed to doing—I juststopped trying tomeditate, that was all. I decided I would sit on a chair andliterallydonothing.ItturnedoutthatnothingwaspreciselywhatIneededtodo.Afterjustafewminutesofsittinganddoingnothing,Ibecameawareoffeelingsinmybody,soIjustsattherebeingawareofbodilysensations.Someminutesafter that, I noticedmyself breathing. And then I toldmyself, “Oh, so this iswhat it is like toknow thatyouarebreathing.”Following that, I sat thereandcontinuedtosimplyknowthatIwasbreathing.Ifeltatease.Myattentionstayedonthebreathforawhile,andsuddenly,myentirebodyandmindwasenvelopedwithasenseofgentle joy. It lastedforabout thirtyminutes.Thatwas thefirsttime I managed to “meditate.” It was also my first experience of the joy ofmeditation.Itwasthejoyarisingfromease.

Formanymonthsafterthat,thisgentlejoycameandwentwhenIsat.Ittooka long time before I developed the skill to stabilize it, and then to access itreliably.However,fromthatoneexperience,Ilearnedthemostimportantlessonin all of meditation practice: first and foremost, establish relaxation, and ifrelaxationbreaks,reestablishrelaxation.

Relaxationisthebasiccompetencyinmeditationthatenablesalltheothers.Mind training without relaxation is like a tree without strong roots—it is notsustainable.Theskillfultraineeestablishesrelaxationfirstandthenbuildsontopofit.Whenrelaxing,oneshouldapplyaslittleeffortaspossible,fortheobvious

reason that effort has a tendency of breaking relaxation. If the mind is notrelaxed,dowhateverittakes,includinggoingforashortwalk,lyingdown,evenallowingyourmindtowanderalittle.

After I realized how important it was, I spent many hours practicingrelaxation inmeditation. Inotherwords, Ispenta lotof timesittinganddoingnothingexceptknowingthatIwasbreathing.Afterawhile,relaxationbecameaskill forme. I got calmer,my health improved, I started responding better tostress,andIbecamelessofadickthanIusedtobe.

Paradoxically,whenIgotquitegoodatrelaxation,Ibecamerestlesswithit.EventhoughIwasrelaxed,Ihadtwomajorproblemsatthatpoint:myattentionkept wandering away from my breath, a lot, and I kept falling asleep inmeditation,alot.Inmeditationparlance,Iwaslackingattentionalstability.Thatlackofattentionalstabilitywasbecomingincreasinglyannoyingtome,soIsetout to fix it. But how?Once again resorting tomy old overachiever’sMO, Iapplied discipline and effort, but with a twist from what I’d already learned:relaxationfirst.Andthetwistworked.Igavemyselffirminstructionssuchas,“Iwill attend to every single in-breath and out-breath, not losing attention to asinglebreath, for thirtyminutes.”Therewasonlyonerule, the relaxationrule:first and foremost, establish relaxation, and if relaxation breaks, reestablishrelaxation.Inotherwords,Iwouldnotlettheeffortstressmeout.AnytimeIfeltstressedout,Iwouldtemporarilyabandoneffortandreturntorelaxationbeforereintroducingeffort.

That worked. With increasing effort, my attentional stability startedstrengthening. And then I decided to try something naughty, something thatevery one of my teachers at that time had wisely told me not to do: as anexperiment,Iturnedmymeditationintoacompetitivegame.

I’m an engineer—I like gamifying things. Iwas on a private retreat at thetime,andIdecidedtocompetemeditativelywithmyself.Itimedmyself(withastopwatch) to see how long I could gowithout droppingmy attention from asinglebreath.EverytimeIlostonebreath,I’dnotethetime,resetthestopwatch,andstartagainfromzero.Iwouldsetmy“bestscore”andthentrytobeatit.

“Madness,”youmaysay,butasusual,mymadnesshadamethodbehindit.Ifigured that the reasonmeditation teachers tell you never to have any goal inmeditation,muchlessacompetitivegoal,isbecausedoingsobreaksrelaxation,and breaking relaxation is counterproductive.However, I reasoned that inmycase, I already had reliable access to joy arising from ease, and because mymeditationwasalreadypermeatedwiththatjoy,Icouldapplyahighdegreeofeffort toward a competitive meditative goal without breaking relaxation. ThatwasthetheoryIdecidedtotest.

Theresultof thatexperimentwasacceleratedprogress.Injusteightyhoursofpracticeduringthatretreat,my“bestscore”wentfromsixminutestothirty.Inotherwords,Idevelopedtheabilitytokeepmyattentiononthebreathforhalfanhourwithoutlosingattentiontoasinglebreath,andtodosowithoutstressingout.

Looking back at that experience from the vantage point of amorematurepractice, and also from talking to other teachers, I realized I had quiteaccidentallydonetheskillfulthing.Mentaltrainingrequiresaskillfulbalanceofdisciplinedeffortandjoyfulrelaxation,whichmeansthemorejoyfulrelaxationyoucanalreadycounton, themoredisciplinedeffortyoucancommit,andthemoreofbothyouhave,thefasteryoucanestablishattentionalstability.

With this and the previous chapter, you have everything you need to starteasing into joy. As you practice this skill, you will begin to experience thefreedomofpeaceandjoythatdoesn’tdependonstimulationofyoursensesorego. Because inner peace and inner joy are independent of worldly

circumstances, they are available to you anyplace and anytime. The skill ofeasingintojoyisthefirstofthethreeskillsthatwillenableyoutoaccessthemanyplaceandanytime,ondemand.Inthenextchapter,we’lllearnthesecondoftheseskills:incliningthemindtowardjoy.

DailyPracticeforMindTrainingwithEase

Puttingitalltogether,thefirststepistounderstandthatmeditationcanbeeasyandthatevenasinglemeditativebreathisbeneficial.Recognizethatthereisjoyeven in the first breath.Do theOneMindfulBreathpracticeoften—make it ahabit.

Next,understandthatwedonotsettlethemind—themindsettlesitself.Allwe do is create the conditions conducive for the mind to settle. This takesunnecessaryburdenoffusbecausewearenotresponsibleforwhetherthemindsettles; we are simply responsible for creating the conditions. With thatunderstanding, do longer sits. Twentyminutes ormore a day is optimum, butanylengthofdailypracticeisgood,evenjustforthedurationofasinglebreath(and ifyoudon’tbelieveme,askGopi). Ifyou like,youcanspend thewholetimedoingyourfavoritemind-settlingexercise(anchoring,resting,orbeing).Ifyouprefer,youcanalsodothePuppyDogMeditation.Whensittingforlonger,understandtheroleofthethreementalfactors,mentalrelaxation,mentalenergy,andequanimouswatching,andadjustaccordingly.

Aboveall,beateaseandjustenjoy.

CHAPTERFOUR

What,MeHappy?IncliningtheMindTowardJoy

In the introduction, we talked about three steps to accessing joy: easing,inclining,anduplifting.Chapters2and3addressedeasingintojoyandrestingthemindthere.Inthischapter,wewilllearntoinclinethemindtowardjoy.

FlowtheRiver

Thereisabeautifuldescriptionofmentalinclinationinsomeancienttexts.Theycompare it to mountain slopes.When the ground is sloped in a certain way,waterflowseffortlesslyaccordingtothedirectionofinclination.Similarly,whenthemindisinclinedinacertainway,thoughtsandemotionshappeneffortlesslyaccordingtothenatureofitsinclination.Ifthemindisinclinedtowardjoy,forexample,thenjoyfulthoughtsandfeelingstendtooccureffortlessly.

This simple but critically important insight leads to an equally importantpractical implication, that the skillful way to train the mind is not to exertforcefulcontrolovertheminditself,buttochangeitsinclinationsothatthoughtsandemotionsoccureffortlesslyinthedirectiononeintends.

InChinesehistory,duringthereignofEmperorShun(wholivedsometimearound 2200 BCE), what was then known as China was plagued by frequentdestructive floods along the Yellow River. The emperor ordered a noblemancalledGun to solve theproblem.Gun’s strategywas tobuilda seriesofdikesanddamstoblocktheflowofwater.Giventhetechnologyavailableatthetimeandthemassivescaleoftheproblem,thatstrategywasprobablyboundtofail,and it did, spectacularly. After nine years of building dikes and dams, thestrategyproved itself to be a dam-ed failure.AfterGunpassed away, his son,Yu, tookover the job.Yuhadhadnineyears toobservehisfather’sworkandfigure out how it failed.As a result,Yu’s strategywas the reverse. Insteadoftryingtostopthewater,hewouldworkwithit.Hedredgedtheriverandclearedits bottlenecks to allow it to flow more freely toward the ocean. Even moreskillfully,Yualsobuiltasystemofirrigationcanalstoturnsomeoftheformerlydestructive floodwater into water for growing crops. Yu is remembered inChinesehistoryasYutheGreat.

Like Yu the Great, a skillful meditator gainsmastery of, in this case, themindby inclining it rather than fightingwith it. Incliningdependsononekeyfaculty:familiarization.Wenotedearlierthatmeditationmeans familiarization,in this case, to familiarize themind with joy. The more the mind becomesfamiliarwithjoy,themoreitperceivesjoy,inclinestowardjoy,andeffortlesslycreatestheconditionsconducivetojoy.InEnglish,thewordfamiliariscloselyrelated to theword family. In this sense, to familiarize themindwith joy is to

turnjoyintoacloserelative,afavoritememberofthefamily,someoneyoucanalways rely on to be there for you. To become close with somebody, youwelcome the person into your life and spend time with her, treat her withopenness,paycarefulattention toher,andget toknowherwell.Similarly,wewillfamiliarizethemindwithjoybywelcomingit,stayingopentoit,spendingtimewith it, paying careful attention to it, and getting to know itwell.We’llspendtherestofthischaptergettingtoknowjoy.Hello,joy.

What,IWasHappy?IDidn’tNotice

For themind toget familiarwith joy, first ithas tonotice it.Sowe train it toperceivethinslicesofjoy. In life,manymomentsof joyabound,but theyareeasy tomiss because they are usually fleeting and not super intense. In otherwords, they come in thin slices both in time and in space. Once the mind istrainedtoseethem,itcan,andnaturallywill,inclinetowardthem.

Thetrainingissimple.Itissimplytonoticejoy.Wheneverthereisanyjoyarisinginourfieldofexperience,evenifitismerelyasubtlehintofjoy,simplynoticethatthereisjoy,thatisall.Thatistheentirepractice.

Noticingjoyislikenoticingbluecars(orcarsofanycolorofyourchoosing)on the road.When you’re in traffic, blue cars pass you by all the time and,usually, youdon’t notice themat all.But if youplay a gameof noticingbluecars, you’ll find that they are everywhere. There is joy to be found in manymomentsofour lives, though itmaybesubtleandfleeting.Forexample,withthatpleasant feelingofwarmwateron theskinasweget into theshower, joyarises immediately,butweseldomnotice it and it fadesaway in seconds.Thepractice is simply tonoticewhen joy is there.Themoreyounotice these thinslicesofjoy,themoretheyappeartobeeverywhere,becausetheyhavealwaysbeenthere.Youjustnevernoticedthembefore.

Noticingsoundstrivial,butitisanimportantmeditativepracticeinitsownright. Why? Because noticing is the prerequisite of seeing. What we do notnotice,wecannotsee.Andwhatwedon’tsee,wecan’tunderstand.Oneoftheultimate goals of mind training is to completely understand four things: thenatureofsuffering,thecausesofsuffering,thenatureoffreedomfromsuffering,and causes of freedom from suffering.Complete understanding relies on clearseeing.Buddhisttextssemi-crypticallyrefertoitas“seeingthingsastheyare.”Seeing thingsas theyarebeginswithnoticing things in the firstplace.Hence,themereactofnoticingbecomesameditation.

Letusbeginbyseeingifwecannoticejoyinasinglebreath.

FORMALPRACTICE:NOTICINGJOYINONE

FORMALPRACTICE:NOTICINGJOYINONEBREATH

Do the One Mindful Breath exercise from Chapter 2, which is simply to take one deep breathmindfully.Ifanyhintofjoyarisesanytimeduringtheexercise,simplynoticeit,thatisall.Ifnohintofjoyarises,noproblemeither;wesimplynoticetheabsenceofjoy.

Bythistime,knowingwhatyouknowaboutthehabitloop(seeChapter2),youcanseehownoticing joycouldbecomeahabit.Cue, routine,and reward:Thecueiswheneverthereisanyexperienceofjoy,theroutineisthesimpleactofnoticingit,andmerelybeingawareof joyis intrinsicallyrewarding.Hence,all three components required to form a habit are effortlessly present.All youhave todo isnotice joy.Do this forsomenumberofexposures(maybe thirty)andahabitwillbegintoform.It’ssosimple,evenSimpleSimoncandoit.

INFORMALPRACTICE:NOTICINGJOYINDAILYLIFE

Wheneverthereisanyexperienceofjoy,justnoticeit.Thatisall.

AttendingtoJoy

Once you begin to notice joy, the next step is to attend to joy. What is thedifference?Thedifferenceisinthelevelofcare.Imaginethereisasickchildinyourhouse.Tonoticethesickchildistosimplyknowthatthereisachildandheis sick, that is all.Thatmayormaynot lead to further actions, but the act ofnoticingstopsrightthere,atmerelyacquiringknowledge.Attendingisdifferent.To attend to a sick childmeansyou takedirect responsibility for his care andnurture.You feed him, you help him relieve his pain, you nurse him back tohealth,andsoon.Toattendtakesyououtofmeredataacquisitionintonurturingresponsibility.

In the same way, noticing joy is very useful, but even more useful isattendingtothejoy.Tooftennoticejoybeginstofamiliarizethemindwithjoy.Toattendtojoyistogoonestepfurther,whichistoconsolidatejoyinthemind.Theway todo that iswith intensityof attention.Allyouneed todo is topayintenseattentiontojoy,thatisall.

OnereasonIliketheEnglishwordattendisbecauseitsuggestsbothdirectedawareness(as in“payingattention”)andnurturingresponsibility(as in“doctorattendingapatient”). Inattending to joy,bothsensesof thewordattend comeintoplay.

JoyonDemand

Let’stryashortexperiment.I’dlikeyoutotakethreebreaths.Inthefirstbreath,bring full attention to the process of breathing. In the secondbreath, calm thebody.Inthethirdbreath,bringupjoy.Giveitatrynow.

Wereyouabletobringupjoyforthethirdbreath?Somepercentageofyoureadingthiswillbeabletodoit,becausethefirsttwobreathsstillthemindandcalmthebody,respectively,causingthejoyofeasetoarise.Thoseofyouwhohaveacquiredtheskillofseeingthat joywillbeabletoholditandamplifyit.For those of youwho are unable to do that, no need to fret—there is a verysimpletoolthat’llallowyoutocausejoytoarise.Thatsimpletoolis:smiling.

Ourfacialexpressionsreflectouremotionalstate.Itturnsout,however,thatthecausation flowsbothways.Facial expressions reflect emotional states, andtheycanalsoaffectemotionalstates.OnepersontodiscoverthisistheeminentpsychologistPaulEkman.Paul is apioneer in the studyof emotionsand theirrelationtofacialexpressions.Oneofhismaincontributionsisthediscoveryofhow emotions are encoded in facial muscles. Through years of careful study,Paulknowspreciselywhichfacialmusclesareinvolvedforeveryemotion.Paulalso trained himself to manipulate those muscles in his own face in order todemonstratetheexpressionforanyemotion.Intheprocess,heandhisassociatenoticed thatwhen theywereworking on expressions of anger and distress allday, they felt terrible at the endof the day.Then they startedmeasuring theirbodies while they were making faces, and they discovered that their facialexpressions alone were sufficient to create marked changes in the autonomicnervoussystem.Forexample,whenPaulcreatedthefacialexpressionforanger,heraisedhisheartratebytentotwelvebeats,andhishandsgothot.1

Given this insight,we can effectively invite joy just by smiling a genuinesmile. Smile as if you are really happy. When you do this, you may createchangesintheautonomicnervoussystemrelatingtohappiness,andfromthesechanges, you may experience joy. This works for me almost every time. Itdoesn’tevenneedtobeafullsmile—ahalfsmileworksaswell.

Letusmakethisintoashortformalpractice,startingwiththreebreaths.Inthefirsttwobreaths,bringfullattentiontothebreathandcalmthebody.Inthethirdbreath,bringupjoy.Ifnecessary,bringupasmileorahalfsmile,whateverthewordshalfsmilemeantoyou.Ifthereisanyjoyarising,attendtothejoybybringingfullattentiontoit.Ifyoulike,youmayrinseandrepeat.

FORMALPRACTICE:INVITINGANDATTENDINGTOJOY

Sitinanyposturethatallowsyoutobealertandrelaxedat thesametime,whateverthatmeanstoyou.Youmaykeepyoureyesopenorclosed.

Letustakethreebreaths.Inthefirstbreath,bringgentlebut intenseattentiontotheprocessofbreathing.Inthesecondbreath,calmthebody.Inthethirdbreath,bringupjoy.Ifnecessary,bringupasmileorahalfsmile,whateverthewordshalfsmilemeantoyou.Ifanyjoyarises,bringfullattentiontoit.Ifyoulike,repeatthisthree-breathspracticeafewmoretimes.

WhenI takeslow,deepbreaths,Ibreatheatarateofroughlysixbreathsaminute,sothispracticetakesmeonlythirtyseconds.Youcaneasilyextendthethree-breathspracticetothreeminutesbyattendingtothebreathforoneminute,followed by calming the body for the next minute, and bringing up joy and

attending to it in the final minute. Or, if you like, you may play with theparametersinanyway—thereisreallynoharminexperimenting.

With thispractice, themindgets familiarwith joy.With thispractice, youcanbegintodeveloptheabilitytobringaboutjoyondemandinmostordinarycircumstances. Why is this simple practice so powerful? Because it containsthreeelementsconducivetojoyallinoneplace:stillnessofmind(fromthefirstbreath), ease and relaxation (from the second breath), and invitation andawarenessof joy (from the thirdbreath).Eachof these is highly conducive toinner joy by itself. When combined, and when the mind is familiar with thecombination, itgetsverypowerful.Theonlymental factors Iknowof thataremore conducive to joy are loving-kindness and compassion, which we willdiscussindetailinthenextchapter.

TheJoyfulMindRocksatMeditation

OneofthemostimportantthingsIhaveeverlearnedisthecentralrolejoyplaysin meditation. This understanding set me firmly on the path of joy in mymeditationtrainingandinmylife.IntheancienttextsofEarlyBuddhism,whichisthetraditionofmyownmeditationtraining,joyisveryfrequentlymentioned.One particularly important text, The Discourse on Proximate Causes (theUpanisaSutta),statesemphaticallythat“theproximatecauseofconcentrationisjoy.”2 In other words, joy is the condition most immediately responsible for(meditative)concentration.

“The proximate cause of concentration is joy.” There are three importantnuancesinthisstatement,oneinitstranslation,oneinitscontext,andoneinitsimplicitassumption.Thenuance in translationcomes fromtheword translatedas“concentration.”InPali,theoriginallanguageofthequotedtext,thewordissamadhi. Samadhi is usually translated as “concentration,” sometimes as“serenity” or “stillness.” Unfortunately, all three translations are inadequatebecause each one captures only a partial meaning of samadhi. Samadhi is allthree. Samadhi is a state of mind that is calm, serene, and relaxed, and one-pointedlyconcentrated,meaningattentionisperfectlystableandstill.Samadhiisextremely important in meditation—the ability to abide in it is one of thehallmarks of a highly accomplished meditator. I think the best translation ofsamadhiis“collectedness,”basedonitsliteralmeaningof“toputtogether,”or

“tocollect.”ThereasonI’mmentioningthisistopointoutthatjoyissousefulinmeditation,itleadsallthewaytosomeofthehighestmeditativestates.

Thesecondnuancerelatestothehappyfactthatthereismorethanonekindofjoy.TheProximateCausestextactuallyreferstothreedifferenttypesofjoyinmindtraining,notone.Thethreetypesofjoy,intheiroriginalPaliwords,arepamojja, piti, and sukha. Pamojja is often translated to “gladness” and isdescribedasthekindofexcitementthatcomesfromfindingsomethingthatyoulike, something that you feel well-disposed to, in this case, the gladness infindingtheteachingsandseeingthembenefityourlife.Inasense,pamojjaisthegladness relating to hope. Piti is often translated to “rapture,” sometimes to“uplifting joy” or “energetic joy,” and it is the rapturous joy that elevates themind. Sukha is often translated to “happiness,” sometimes to “bliss,”“contentment,”“pleasure,”“nonenergeticjoy,”or“gentlejoy,”anditisthetypeof quiet, sustainable joy that leaves you content. When used in a day-to-daycontext, outside of meditation, sukha also means general happiness, whichsometimes confuses the sukha out of people reading the ancient texts. Theproximatecauseofcollectedness is sukha,butpamojjaandpitiplay importantrolesthatleadtoit.ThereasonI’mdescribingthisnuanceistopointoutthefactthatmeditativejoyisfascinatinglymultifacetedandflavorful.

The third nuance comes from an assumption not specific to this particulartext but sprinkled widely across texts in Early Buddhism: the idea of“wholesome”sourcesofjoy.Wholesomemeanssomethingthatisconducivetothewell-beingofselfandothers,inthepresentandinthefuture.ThePaliwordthat is translated to “wholesome” is kusala, also often translated as “skillful,”whichIfindtobeaskillfultranslation(makingitmeta-skillful,Ithink).Kusalais sometimes translated as “profitable,” and I promiseyou this translationwasnotsponsoredbyWallStreet.Agrosslyoversimplifieddefinitionofwholesomethatdoesn’tdoitalotofjustice,butissufficientforthepurposeofthisbook,isthis: awholesomesourceof joy isone that isnotcontaminatedwithgreed, illwill,ortheseedsoffuturesuffering.Kindnessisawholesomesourceofjoy,forexample,whilejoyderivedfromcrueltyisunwholesome.Joyfromwholesomesourcesismostconducivetocollectednessofmind.Joyfromanunwholesomesourceleadsthemindawayfrompeace,contentment,andcollectedness,makingitcounterproductive,atleastforthepurposeofmeditation.Soremembertoonlyuseanuncontaminatedsourcefullofwholesomegoodness.

Youdon’thavetoreadtheancienttextstogetthetimelesspoints:therearedifferentflavorsofjoy;therearedifferentsourcesofjoy,notallcreatedequal;and the ability to remain calm, cool, and collected has a lot to do with joy,specifically joy from the right sources. In meditative terms, a joyful mind ishighly conducive tomeditation, and ameditativemind is highly conducive tojoy.Onceyoustartthecyclerunning,theyreinforceeachotherandleadyouintoadeeperpracticeandamorejoyfullife.Hence,donotbeafraidtousejoyasavehicleforyourmeditation,anddonotbeafraidtousemeditationasavehicleforajoyfullife.Youwillprofitinbothplaces,inawholesome,skillfulway.

AttendingtoJoyinRealLife

Complementing theformalpracticeof inviting joy insittingmeditationare theinformalpracticesofattendingtojoyinreallife.Yay!

Therearethreesourcesofwholesomejoyindailyactivitiesthatwecantap.One source is the type of behavior that uplifts the spirits, such as behaviorinvolving generosity, loving-kindness, and compassion. These get a wholechaptertothemselves,thenextchapter.

Ethicalbehaviorisanotherday-to-daysourceofwholesomejoy.“Doingtheright thing” contributes incrementally to a clear conscience, and from a clearconsciencearisesajoythatisveryeasytomisscalledthejoyofblamelessness.In ancient texts, cultivating the joy of blamelessness is compared to a farmerclearingthegroundbyremovingweedsandstonesbeforeheplantshiscrops.Byclearing the ground, his crops will grow better. In the same way, the joy ofblamelessness clears themind of some significant percentage of shame, guilt,worry,andregret, therebyaffordingthemindtheeasethat ishighlyconducivefor meditation. In turn, attending to the joy of blamelessness gives the mindpositivereinforcementforethicalbehavior,therebymakingsuchbehaviormorelikely in the future.Every timeyoumakeanethicaldecisionorengage inanyethicalbehavior,Iencourageyoutotakeamomenttothinktoyourself,“Ihavedoneanethical thing.Myconscienceisclear.Iamhappy.”If joyarises,bringfull attention to that joy for at least one moment. This is the joy ofblamelessness.

INFORMALPRACTICE:ATTENDINGTOTHEJOYOFBLAMELESSNESS

Whenyoumakeanethicaldecisionorengageinanyethicalbehavior,takeamoment(inthepresent,or a little later) to think to yourself, “I have done an ethical thing.My conscience is clear. I amhappy.”Ifjoyarises,bringfullattentiontothatjoyforatleastonemoment.

Another source of wholesome joy is attending to pleasant experiences inyournormal,everydayactivities.Thepracticeissimple:whenyoudosomethingthat involvesapleasantexperience, takeat leastonemoment toattendfully tothe joy thatpleasantness invokes.That isall.Forexample,at lunch,bring full

attention to theenjoymentof thefirstbite.Thefirstbite iswhenyouaremosthungry,so it isalso themostdeliciousbite.There isa thinbutverysatisfyingsliceof joy in there—don’tmiss it.Attendfully to that joy.Thispracticeonlyasksthatyouattendfullyforonebite,soifyou’rehavinglunchwithsomeone,itdoesnot takeyouaway fromyour conversation. Imentionedanother examplebefore:whenyoufirstgetintotheshower,attendtothejoyofthemomentthewatertouchesyourskin.Whenyou’rewithsomeoneyoulove,takeonemomenttoattendfullytothejoyofhisorherpresence.Therearemanyopportunitiestopracticeattendingtothejoyofpleasantexperiencesthroughouttheday.Attheminimum, if you eat, there are at least as many opportunities to practiceattendingtopleasantsensoryexperiencesas thereare thenumberof timesyoueat,soatminimum,manypeoplecanpracticethisatleastonceaday.Ifyouarereading this book, chances are you belong to the populationwhoget to eat atleastonceaday.

INFORMALPRACTICE:ATTENDINGTOTHEJOYOFPLEASANTDAILYEXPERIENCES

Wheneveryouengageinanactivitythatinvolvesapleasantexperience,takeatleastonemomenttoattendfullytothejoythatpleasantnessinvokes.Someexamples:

Ateachmeal,attendfullytotheenjoymentofatleastthefirstbite.

Whenseeingalovedone,especiallyabelovedchild,takeonemomenttoappreciatethatheorsheisthere,andattendfullytothatjoy.

When holding handswith a loved one, take onemoment to attend fully to the joy of thatcontact.

When takinga shower, attend fully toat leastonemomentof theenjoymentof thebody’scontactwithwater.

Whenrelievingyourself in the toilet,attendfully toat leastonemomentof thepleasureofrelief.

Whenoutonaniceday,takeonemomenttoattendfullytotheenjoymentoftheweather.

Whenwalking,takeonemomenttoattendfullytothejoyofbeingabletowalk.

Ingeneral,whenseeing,hearing,smelling,tasting,ortouchingsomethingpleasant,bringfullattention to the joy for at least onemoment, andwhen interactingwith a beloved person,bringfullattentiontothejoyofbeingwiththatpersonforatleastonemoment.

Thisone,simple,almosttrivialpracticehasmanyverycompellingbenefits.The first compelling benefit is that relationships become more fulfilling. Formanyofus,wedonot fullyvaluepeoplewe loveuntilweareseparated fromthem.Forexample, it’sonlyafteryourkidsgooff tocollege thatyouwish toyourselfthatyouhadpaidmoreattentiontothemwhileyoustillhadthem.Thispracticepreemptsalotofthatregretbygivingyoumanymomentsofjoyinfullyvaluingtheirpresencewhiletheyarestillhere.Everytimeyoupayamomentoffullattentiontothejoyofalovedone’spresence,youvaluethemalittlemore,you enjoy them a little more, you are happier, and the relationship becomesstronger.

Thenextcompellingbenefit isasignificantincreaseinhappiness.Manyofushavesomanyjoyfulmomentsthatwetotallymissbecausewe’renotpayingattention to them.With this practice, we don’t just notice them—we revel inthem by giving them at least onemoment of full attention. Joy increases, butmore important, it leads to something else: gratefulness. Very soon, as youbegintofullyenjoyalltheselittlepleasuresinlife,youtakethemlessandlessforgranted.Youbecomemoreandmoregrateful.Alotofresearchhasshowngratefulness to be an important cause of overall happiness in life.3 Regularlynotingthingsyouaregratefulforinagratitudejournalcansignificantlyincreasehappiness.4 My friend Shawn Achor, author of The Happiness Advantage,suggests that spending two minutes a day scanning the world for three newthings you’re grateful for, and doing that for a mere twenty-one days, is thefastestwaytolearnoptimism.5Shawnalsosuggestsanicedailypracticehecallsthe “doubler,” which is to recall one positive experience of the day in detail,

because the brain can’t tell the difference between visualization and actualexperience,sobydoingthis,youdoubletheexperience.

Keeping a gratitude journal, finding new things to be grateful for, andrecallingajoyfulexperienceeverydayareallgreatideas.However,takingonemomenttofullyattendtoeveryjoyfulexperiencehastheadvantageoftakingnotimeandnoeffort.Youcandoitmanytimesaday,inrealtime,withzerodelayingratification.

This practice also benefits meditation practice in at least two ways. First,everymomentofpayingfullattentiontojoyamplifiesattentionalittlemore,andsinceattentiontrainingliesatthecoreofmeditation,thatmomentofpayingfullattentiontojoyisinfactamomentofmeditationpractice,andovertime,itaddsup.Second,andmoreimportant,thisjoythatyoucultivateinordinaryactivitiesmakes themindmoreattuned to joyduring sittingmeditation.Sometimesas Isit, the mind suddenly notices, “Oh look, this breath is so pleasant, I’m sohappy.”Outofnowhere,Igetabonusjoltofpitiandsukha(energeticjoyandgentlejoy)tofuelmymeditation.Themoreyouinclineyourmindtowardjoyinreallife,themorejoyfulandproductiveyourmeditationswilltendtobe.

“Someday,IWillDie,”andOtherHappyThoughts

Oneofthebiggesthindrances,possiblythebiggesthindrance,toperceivingtheverymanymoments of joy in daily life is a phenomenon calledhabituation,whichforourpurposesimplymeanswetakethingsforgranted.Imaginegettingthepromotionyoualwayswanted.Initially,you’llexperienceeuphoria,butafterafewdaysorweeksormonths,youremotionalreactiontoyourpromotioncanbe summarized in one very descriptive word I learned from teenagers:meh.Samethingwithgettingyourdreamcar,ordreamhouse,ordreamjob,ordreamanythingelse.Aftersometime,meh.

Therearethreewaystoovercomehabituation,twoofwhichwehavealreadydiscussed.Thefirstwayisbydeployingattention,forexample,byattendingtojoy.Intheory,itispossibletocompletelyovercomehabituationwiththemasteryof attention. One of the early scientific studies on Zen monks looked at thisphenomenon way back in 1966.6 The study measured people’s neurologicalreactiontoarepeatedclickstimulusatregularintervalswhiletheymeditated.Anovicemeditator’sbrain,unsurprisingly,habituatestothesoundandafterjustashort while stops reacting to that sound. In contrast, a master meditator canchoose to not habituate to the sound. So even after many clicks, the highlytrainedmindisstillreactingtoeachclickalmostasifhearingitforthefirsttime.Zentraditionpoeticallyreferstothisas“Zenmind,beginner’smind.”Evenforthose of you reading this bookwho are not Zenmasters (you knowwho youare), the more you practice mindfulness, the more likely you will be able todown-regulate habituation on the strength of your mindfulness and enjoy thepleasuresofthedayanew.

Thesecondway toovercomehabituation iswithgratefulness.Gratefulnessbrings intoproperperspectivehowpreciouseach joyfulexperienceactually is.Someexamples:ThatpromotionIgotissoprecious—IknowbecauseIworkedyearsforit.Owningmycarandmyhousearebothprecious,andIknowbecauseIsavedupforyearsformyhouseandmycar.Havingachildwholovesmeissoprecious—Iknowmanypeoplewhodonot.Havinggoodhealthissoprecious.Havingagoodlivelihoodissoprecious.Livinginapeacefulcountry(i.e.,notinthemiddleofawarzone)issoprecious.Havingreadyaccesstofoodandcleanwater is so precious. Being able to see the blue sky and green grass is soprecious.Infact,everythingpleasantinlifeisprecious,becauseanythinggoodcandisappearwithvery littlewarning. I can losemyhealth; I canget laidofffrommy job; I can go blind in an accident; war can happen; civilization can

collapse.Gratefulnesshelpsusseethateverythingisprecious,andthemoreyoucanseehowpreciousthingsare,thelessyouwilltakethemforgranted.

The thirdand,possibly, themostpowerfulway toovercomehabituation iswithastrongawarenessofmortality.Someday,Iwilldie.EverysinglepersonIlove will die, some of them before I do. Even if science and technology canextendthehumanlifespantoonethousandyears,ortenthousandyears,oreventen million years, eventually, I will die, and everybody I love will die.Awarenessofdeathisoneofmymaindailypractices;everyday,atleastonceaday,IremindmyselfthatIwilldieandeverybodyIlovewilldie.Beingawareof mortality changes everything. At the very least, it puts things into properperspective,itgivesusclarityintowhatisreallyimportantversuswhatisnotsoimportant, and it therefore changes howwe prioritize things in our lives.MyfriendEhon,forexample,witnessedhisbestfriend,whowasthesameageashewas, suddenly die in his twenties. That shocked him into realizing how short,precious,andfragile life is. ItchangedEhon’sdirection in lifeand turnedhiminto the successful young entrepreneur he is today. Steve Jobs, in hismovingStanfordcommencementspeechin2005,whichhedeliveredafterlearningthathisowndeathwasimminent,said:

RememberingthatI’llbedeadsoonisthemostimportanttoolI’veeverencountered tohelpmemake thebigchoices in life.Becausealmost everything—all external expectations, all pride, all fear ofembarrassmentorfailure—thesethingsjustfallawayinthefaceofdeath, leavingonlywhat is truly important.Remembering thatyouaregoingtodieisthebestwayIknowtoavoidthetrapofthinkingyou have something to lose. You are already naked. There is noreasonnottofollowyourheart.

It’ssurprising thatsuchamorbidsubject is linked tohappiness.Onestudyshowsthatthelesstimesomeonefeelsshehasremainingonthisearth,themorelikely she is to derive happiness fromordinary experiences, and therefore, thehappier she is.7 One BBC story titled “Bhutan’s Dark Secret to Happiness”suggeststhatpeopleinBhutanaresohappybecausetheythinkaboutdeathfivetimesaday.8 Italsoquotesa2007study that shows thatsubjects instructed tocontemplate theirowndeatharemore likely toconstructhappywords suchasjoywhenasked tocompletestemwordssuchas jo_.9So it isentirelypossible

thatakeenawarenessofone’sownmortalityisoneofthesecretsofhappiness.Mydailyawarenessofmortalityhasoneotherwonderfuloutcome:itmakes

itveryhardtostayangryatalovedoneforverylong.Ithink,“HowwouldIfeelif thispersondied tomorrow?”Well, Iwouldbeverysad,and Iwouldwish Ihadbeennicer toherwhile shewasalive.With that thought, it’sveryhard tostayveryangryforverylong.

My recommendation to all of you: at least once a day, remember thatsomeday, you will die, and that everybody you love will die. If for no otherreason,thanbecauseitistrue.

INFORMALPRACTICE:AWARENESSOFMORTALITY

At leastonceaday,either in themorningshortlyafterwakingupor in theeveningshortlybeforesleep,oranytimeintheday,remindyourselfofthesetwothings:

• Someday,Iwilldie.Iwilldie.EverymomentIhaveisprecious.

• Someday,everysinglepersonIlovedearlywilldie.Theywillalldie.EverymomentIhavewiththemisprecious.

TheJoyofNotBeinginPain

To not be in pain is one of the greatest joys in life. Once, I had a terribletoothache.Ihadawisdomtooththatwasgrowingsidewaysthatbrokeintothemolarinfrontofit,andIwasingreatpain.Ineededpainfulsurgerytoremovethatwisdomtooth,andIwasinpainfordaysafterthat.Ialsohadtorepairthemolarwithafillingontheside,whicheventuallybrokeandsunkintothefleshonmygums,andIwasingreatpain.Ihadtohaveemergencydentalsurgerytofixthatproblem.Thedentistgavemearootcanal,butthetootheventuallybrokeanyway, and I had to have another surgery to fix that problem,which causedgreatpain.Ateverystepofthatprocess,Ithought,“IfIdidn’thavethispain,Iwouldbe so happy!”Anda fewdaysafter thepainwent away, I forgot tobehappy, until the next time I suffered similar pain again, at which point I toldmyselfagainthatifIdidn’thavethispain,Iwouldbesohappy,andonceagain,

Iforgottobehappyafewdaysafterthatnewpainwentaway.IfIneverforgettobehappythatIamnotsufferingthepainofatoothache,I

wouldalwaysbeexperiencingthejoyofnotbeinginpain.Isthereawaytodothis?I realizedtheanswer isyes,anditbeginswith incliningthemindtowardjoy.

My own discovery of the joy of not being in pain began slowly andgradually.Iwasdoingthepracticesfromthischapter,incliningthemindtowardjoybypayingfullattentiontothejoyofmyfood,takingwalksinniceweather,noticing sunsets, and all that. I wasn’t really doing anything special beyondattendingtojoy.Overtime,Irealizedthatthenumberofitemsinmycategoryofexperiencesthatqualifiedas“pleasant”keptincreasing.Experiencesthatusedtobeneutral(neitherpleasantnorunpleasant)keptfindingthemselvesmovedintothe“pleasant”category.Why?SimplybecausethemoreIpaidattentiontojoyinsimple experiences in life, the less I took them for granted, and the more Iappreciated previously “neutral” experiences, the more they then appearedpleasant.

Thenoneday,Ireachedatippingpoint.AsIwasdrinkingaglassofwaterinmykitchen, a powerful thought suddenly arose inmymind and refused to goaway.Thethoughtwas:“Atthismoment,righthere,rightnow,Iamnotinpain.” Specifically, at that moment, I realized I was temporarily free fromphysicalpain.Iwasnothavingatoothache,forexample.Suddenly,foronce,Irememberedtobehappytonothaveatoothache.Andtonothavebackpain,or

shoulderpain,orpainanywhereelse.And Ididnothaveanypainwalkingorsitting or lying down.More than that, I’d just had access to drinkable water,whichmeansIwasunafflictedby thirst. Iwasunafflictedbyhungerandcold.More than that, in those particular few seconds, nothing particularly bad washappeninginmylife.Iwasunafflictedbythemental torturesofhatred,anger,jealousy,envy,betrayal,anguish,grief,fear,orsorrow.Iwasunafflictedbythemental agitation of greed, want, loss, worry, or restlessness. Dude, I was justgettingwaterinthekitchen.

Andthenitbecamecleartome, thegreatestfreedomthatIenjoy,andalsotheoneItakecompletelyforgrantedandhavebarelynoticedmyentirelife,ismytemporaryfreedomfrompain.IknowthatIamsubjecttooldage,sickness,injury, trauma, betrayal, sorrow, fear, and death, so I knowmy freedom fromphysicalandemotionalpainistemporary,butstill,righthere,rightnow,Ihavethatfreedom.Ispentmylifethinkingoffreedomasthefreedomtodostuff,butthatfreedomturnsouttobetrivialcomparedtothemuchgreaterfreedomfromaffliction.Iamfreefrommostafflictionsmostminutesintheday,andIhadnotpaidthatfreedomoneiotaofattention,norrejoicedinitforonemoment.Hence,ifIcanlearntoabideinthejoyofnotbeinginpain,Iwillhaveplentyofjoyfulmoments. Right there in my kitchen, I had stumbled on one of the greatestsourcesofjoyinlife.

Onemightask,“Whydoesn’titcomenaturally?Whyaren’tweallborntoautomaticallyalwaysbe joyfulwheneverwe’renot inpain?” I think there isasimplereason,whichisthatabidinginthejoyofnotbeinginpainrequiresustonoticetheabsenceofpain,andnoticingtheabsenceofphenomenadoesn’tcomenaturallytous.Whenwearestimulatedbythearisingofaphenomenon—suchasasightorsound, forexample—wesense it,perceive it,cognize it,and thenthoughtsariseoutof it. Inotherwords, themindisstimulatedtoparticipate inthat phenomenon. In contrast, the absence of a phenomenon produces nostimulus to lead to sensation,perception,orcognition.Theonlyway themindcanparticipateistovolitionallybringawarenesstotheabsence.Wecanlistentothesoundofsilence, forexample.So it takessomevolitionaleffort tobecomeawareoftheabsenceofsomethingnothappening,whichiswhyitdoesn’tcomenaturally.Thegoodnewsis,thisawarenesscanbetrainedasamentalhabit.Themoreyoumakeapointofnoticing theabsenceofcertainphenomena, the lesseffortittakes,andthemoreyouwilldoitautomatically.

Totrainthemindtobecomeawareoftheabsenceofpain,fromtimetotimesimplychecktoseeifyouareinanypain,andwhereyouarenot inpain, just

remindyourselfofthat,andifanyjoyarisesfromthatthought,justattendtothatjoy.Ifyoudonothaveatoothacherightnow,remindyourself,“Idonothaveatoothache right now,” and attend to any joy that arises. Even if you areexperiencing pain in one way, it is possible to remind yourself you are notexperiencingpaininanotherway.Forexample,Imaybehavingbackpain,butnothavingatoothache,soIcanstillremindmyself,“Idonothaveatoothacherightnow.”

Even more powerful than noticing the absence of physical pain, you cannotice the absence ofmental and emotional pain. For example, if you are notexperiencinganyhatredrightnow,remindyourself,“Iamnotsufferingthepainofhatredrightnow,”andagain,attendtoanyjoythatarisesfromthatthought.

INFORMALPRACTICE:NOTICINGTHEABSENCEOFPAIN

Periodically,perhapsonceaday,perhapsmorefrequently,bringawarenesstothebodytoseeifthereis any experience of pain. Do you have a headache, a toothache, neck pain, back pain, or astomachache?Ifanyof thosepartsof thebody isnot inpain,youmayremindyourself,“Idonothaveaheadache toothacheneckpain,etc., rightnow.” Ifany joyarisesdue to that thought,bring

attentiontothatjoy.Periodically,perhapsonceaday,perhapsmorefrequently,bringawarenesstothemindtoseeif

thereisanyexperienceofmentaloremotionalpain.Areyouexperiencingthepainofgrief,sorrow,hatred,anger,jealousy,envy,want,grasping,fear,ordesperation?Ifyouarenotexperiencinganyofthosesourcesofpainrightnow,youmayremindyourself,“Iamnotafflictedby thepainofgriefsorrowhatred,etc.,rightnow.”Ifanyjoyarisesduetothatthought,bringattentiontothatjoy.

JustNoteGone

There is a simple practice that can greatly enhance your ability to notice theabsenceofpain,thoughitisn’tonlyconcernedwithpain.“JustNoteGone”isapowerfulwayofpracticingwithanyphenomenon,wherebywetrainthemindtonotice that something previously experienced is nomore. For example, at theend of a breath, notice that the breath is over.Gone.As a sound fades away,noticewhenitisover.Gone.Attheendofathought,noticethatthethoughtisover. Gone. At the end of an experience of emotion—joy, anger, sadness, oranythingelse—noticeitisover.Gone.

This practice is, without a doubt, one of the most important meditationpractices of all time. Meditation master Shinzen Young said that if he wereallowed to teachonly one focus technique andnoother, itwould be this one.Here are the instructions for the informal practice of Just Note Gone, fromShinzen’sarticle“ThePowerofGone.”10

INFORMALPRACTICE:JUSTNOTEGONE

Wheneverallorpartofasensoryexperiencesuddenlydisappears,notethat.BynoteImeanclearlyacknowledgewhenyoudetectthetransitionpointbetweenallofitbeingpresentandatleastsomeofitnolongerbeingpresent.

Ifyouwish,youcanuseamentallabeltohelpyounote.Thelabelforanysuchsuddenendingis“Gone.”

If nothing vanishes for a while, that’s fine. Just hang out until something does. If you startworryingaboutthefactthatnothingisending,noteeachtimethatthoughtends.That’sa“Gone.”Ifyouhavealotofmentalsentences,you’llhavealotofmentalperiods—fullstops,Gones!

Andherearemysuggestedinstructionsforformalpractice.

FORMALPRACTICE:JUSTNOTEGONE

Sitinanyposturethatallowsyoutobealertandrelaxedat thesametime,whateverthatmeanstoyou.Youmaykeepyoureyesopenorclosed.

Sitinmeditationforasmanyminutesasyoulike.Applyintenseattentiontotheendofeveryout

breath,clearlyseeingthemomentitends.Attheendofanoutbreath,ifyoulike,youmaysilentlynotetoyourself,“Gone.”

Ifanythoughtorsensationarises,seeifyoucanwatchituntilitfadesaway.Ifitceasesatanytime, even if for one moment, note its cessation. If you like, you may silently note to yourself,“Gone.”

Youmayend thismeditationat any time.At themoment themeditationends, takenoteof itsending.Ifyoulike,youmaysilentlynotetoyourself,“Gone.”

The Just Note Gone practice changes the way we perceive phenomena inthree importantways.First, it bringsbalance toourperceptionof sensory andmentalevents.Everysensoryandmentaleventhasthreeparts:arising,presence,andceasing.Mostofus are awareof arisingandpresence,butweare seldomawareofceasing.Inotherwords,ourexperienceofsensoryandmentaleventsisunbalanced—weoftenseethecomingbutseldomthegoing.Bynoticinggone,yourestoreperceptualbalance,thusmovingtowardseeingthingsastheyreallyare.

Second,evenmoreimportantthanbringingbalancetoperception,JustNoteGonehelpsusclearlyseeimpermanenceinallphenomena.Ineveryexperienceofsight,sound,smell,taste,andtouch,thereisamomentofgone.Everysensoryexperiencehasagone.Everysensualpleasurehasamomentofgone.Even(orespecially)thepleasureofsexualorgasmhasagone.Byfrequentlyseeinggone,themind comes to understand the nature of impermanence.Themind realizesthat,“Whatever is subject to origination is all subject to cessation.”Whenthemindintimatelyunderstandsthenatureofimpermanence,itbeginstoseethegratification of sense pleasures as an unsatisfactory way of creating lastinghappiness. So it stops clinging so desperately to sense pleasure, and the lessdesperatelyitclingstosensepleasure,thelessitsuffersfrombeingtheslaveofsensepleasure,themorefreedomitenjoys,andthemorejoyfulitbecomes.

Third,andperhapsmostimportant,istheabilitytoseethatselfisaprocess,notanobject.Weusuallyexperiencetheselfasanobject,asifthereissuchathing called a self. To a highly trainedmind, though, things are a littlemorenuanced. When you can perceive mental processes in sufficiently highresolution, youmay find that themind continuously creates a sense of self inreactiontosenseinputandthoughtsthatarise.Whenthemindissocalmitdoesnot react compulsively to sense input,nordoes it generate any thoughts, theremaybemomentswhenthesenseofselfdoesnotarise.Whenthemindiscalm,sharp,andtrainedtoclearlyseegone,itmaybeabletoseethemomentswhenthe sense of self has faded away, before the sense of self is re-created by themind.Itcanthenperceivetheselfasacontinuouslyrunningprocess,notasolidobject. Recognizing this, our sense of self becomes delightfully fluid and wegainajoyfulsenseoflightnessinlife.

DoNotExpectEveryMoment,Meditation,orDaytoBeJoyful

As you begin to incline the mind toward joy, your meditation sessions maybecomeincreasinglyjoyful.Youmayhavemorejoyfulmomentsinyourday.Imustwarnyou,though,topleasenotexpectjoyallthetime.Ingeneral,themoreyoupracticewithjoy,themorejoywilloccurandthemoreyouwillnoticejoy,but it is unrealistic to expect every meditation or every minute to feel good.Why?

Thefirstreasonisnormalday-to-dayvarianceinlifeconditions.Somedays,youmightbetiredbecauseyoudidn’tgetenoughsleep,oryourbackmightbehurting,oryousuddenlyrememberafightyouhadwithyourspousethreedaysago that you’re still fuming over, or you ate too much at dinner, or you’restressedfromwork.Somedaysyoudon’tevenknowwhyyoufeeldown.Evenifyoumanagetobringupjoy,therewillbedayswhenitfadesawayquicklyandyou’retootiredtobringitback.Soitiseasiertobringupjoyonsomedaysandharderonothers. Inanycase,evenif thedifficultypersistsfordays,pleasedonotthinkthatyourtrainingisfailing.Itissimplyareflectionofimperfectmindintheday-to-dayvarianceinanimperfectworld.Evenanaccomplishedrunnermayfindonsomedaysthatshedoesnotenjoytherunorcannotperformatherusual level. This doesn’tmean her training isn’tworking; it justmeans she ishavingsomebadornot-so-gooddays. Inmind training, too, it isokay tohavebadornot-so-gooddays.

The second reason is sometimes terrible things happen. Emotional painnaturally occurs then, even for experiencedmeditatorswho can access joy ondemandinlessextremecircumstances.Thepaincanlastformonths.Undersuchcircumstances, it is important to continue formal and informal meditationpractice, not despite it being hard, but precisely because it is hard. It is likephysicaltherapyforarunnerwhogetsseverelyinjuredwhensheishitbyacar.She may not be able to run for months, but this does not make her a failedathlete. Her painful struggles in rehab are not signs of weakness. On thecontrary,herwillingnesstostruggleshowsspiritandstrength.

I have gone through very painful periods when my practice was not yetstrong enough to keepme frombeing overwhelmed by emotional pain. I beatmyselfupextrahardbecauseIwasanexperiencedmeditator.Iwassupposedto

beable todothis,butIwasclearlyfailing—failingatbringingupjoymostofall. “I must be more worthless shit than even I knew,” I told myself. Itunnecessarily added tons to my suffering. The example of the injured athletehelpedme out ofmy painful rut. Iwant to caution everyone in training to becarefulofthispitfall,especiallyonthepathofjoy.WewillcomebacktothisinChapter6,whenweexploreworkingwithemotionalpain.

On theotherhand,youmaybe surprised.Whenyoupractice inclining themindtowardjoy,joytendstohappen,evenwhenyouleastexpectit.Whentheslope of the mind—to use that beautiful metaphor again—tilts toward joy, itbecomesthatmuchmorelikelytohappen.Chris,astudentofmeditationteacherSoryuForall,observedthatasaresultofhispractice,hestartedsmiling“fornoapparentreason”:

Iamhappierandmorejoyfulthaneverbefore.Here’showIknowIammorejoyful:I’msmilingmore.Infact,

thatwasoneof the first indications tome thatmymeditationwasgoingwell. I used to thinkmy progress would bemarked by big,mind-blowing experiences. Instead I discovered something muchsubtler.Overtime,somethingIrefertoasthesmile-reflexbegantoemerge.Iwouldbesittinginmeditation,physicalpainwouldarise,and then I would smile, for no apparent reason. This began tohappen off the cushion as well. I might find myself in someuncomfortable situation, maybe a little confused, nervous, orscared,and Iwould reflexively smile.Over time,as Ipracticed, itjustbecameeasiertosmile,arealtruesmile.Atruesmilecontainsjoy.Andthatstartedtobubbleupmoreandmoreinmylife.Iusedto be depressed, and I’ve always been socially anxious, but beingable to trulysmileand therebyaccesssome joy,even ifonly foramoment,hasbeenreallyempowering.Whenyou’resmilingthere’snotalotofroomfornegativity,andpeopleseemtonotice.It’skindof hard to explain, but I think I am happier and therefore lessnegative,andpeopleseemtobeattracted to that. I recentlyhadajobinterview,anddespitebeingnervous,Iwasabletosmileandletsomejoyout.Itseemedtowork;Iwasofferedthejob—theprincipaleventoldme,“Ilikeyou!”

Lifeisstillhard—Istillgetsweptawaybystressandfear,butIalwaysrebound.SomehowIbouncebacktothishappinessandthe

sensethateverythingisjustperfectasitis.Asaresult,I’vegrownthe confidence to tackle whatever issues present themselves. Irealize there are difficult things I need to do in this world, but Ican’t do them without an inner happiness to rely on. Life is soseriousthatitnecessitatesjoyandfun.Ihopethatmakessense.11

DailyPracticetoInclinetheMindTowardJoy

Firstandforemost,notice joy.Cultivate theskill toperceive thinslicesof joy,bothinformalmeditationandalsoindailylife.Youdothatbyattendingtojoy.Themoreyouattendtothinslicesofjoy,themoreeasilyyoucanaccessthem.

Theinformalpracticesinthischaptercanvastlyimproveyourqualityoflifewithout taking any time. For example, the practice of attending to pleasantexperiencesineverydaydetails,suchasbringingfullattentiontothefirstbiteofeachmealor the firstmomentofeveryshower, isguaranteed to increaseyourhappiness in life. In addition, I highly recommend the formal three-breathspracticeofInvitingandAttendingtoJoy.

If you are a seasonedmeditator, the JustNoteGone practice is especiallyimportant foryou. It cangreatly accelerateyourmeditativegrowth. Ifyouarenotaseasonedmeditator,youshouldprobablyfocusontheeasierpractices,suchasnoticing joy in thebreath,but still, I recommendpracticingJustNoteGonefromtimetotime.

If you do the practices in this chapter, you will soon incline your mindtowardjoy.Eventually,yourmindwillbesostronglyinclinedthatjoybecomesquiteeffortless,bothinmeditationandinlife.

CHAPTERFIVE

UplifttheMindinSecondsTheJoyofHeartPractices

Canyouturnanotherpotentiallymiserabledayatworkintoyourhappiestdayinsevenyears?Janedidit injusteightyseconds.Wewillseehowshediditandhowyoucandoittoo.

So far,we have learned to ease themind into joy and to incline themindtoward joy. In this chapter,wewill learn the lastof three steps in training themindtoaccess joyondemand.Here,weuplift themindbygivingitahealthyshot of wholesome joy, a cocktail of three sublime mental states: loving-kindness,compassion,andaltruisticjoy.

Loving-KindnessandtheHappiestDayinSevenYears

Inmanyofmypublictalks,Iguideaverysimpleten-secondexercise.Itelltheaudiencememberstoeachidentifytwohumanbeingsintheroomandjustthink,“Iwishforthispersontobehappy,andIwishforthatpersontobehappy.”Thatis it. I remind them to not do or say anything, just think—this is an entirelythinkingexercise.Theentireexerciseisjusttenseconds’worthofthinking.

Everybody emerges from this exercise smiling, happier than ten secondsbefore.Thisisthejoyofloving-kindness.Itturnsoutthatbeingonthegivingendofakindthoughtisrewardinginandofitself.Tosimply think thatIwishfor one other person to be happy makes me happy. I suspect there is anevolutionaryreasonbehindthis.Humansareultra-socialanimals.Wesurviveasaspeciesbecausewearecapableoflivingandworkingcloselytogetherinlargenumbers.MyfriendthepsychiatristandauthorTomLewis,hasafunnywayof

talkingaboutultra-sociality.Hesaidhewasatthelocalzoolookingatthetigerswhenazooemployeetoldhimtheycannotputtwomaletigersinthesamespacebecausetheywillkilleachother.Tomsuddenlyrealizedthereweretenthousandvisitors in the zoo that day, and none of the five thousandhumanmaleswerekilling each other. That, he toldmewith an impish grin, is ultra-sociality. Inordertohaveultra-sociality,wemusthavetheneurologicalmechanismforultra-sociality to exist, and I think the ten-second exercise illuminates theunderpinningof thatmechanism: the joyof loving-kindness, that simplybeingonthegivingendofakindthoughtisintrinsicallyrewarding.

Ifthatistrue,wemayhavejustdiscoveredoneofthemostimportantsecretsof happiness.All other thingsbeing equal, to increaseyourhappiness, all youhave to do is randomly wish for somebody else to be happy. That is all. Itbasicallytakesnotimeandnoeffort.Thisisanotherkeylife-changinginsightinthisbook.You’rewelcome.

Howfarcanyoupushthisjoyofloving-kindness?Onetime,IgaveapublictalkinameditationcentercalledSpiritRockinCalifornia.Asusual,Iguidedtheaudience in this ten-second exercise, and just for fun, I assigned themhomework. Iwas speaking on aMonday evening, and the next day,Tuesday,wasaworkday,soItoldtheaudiencetodothisexerciseforTuesday:Onceanhour, every hour, randomly identify two people walking past your office andsecretlywishforeachofthemtobehappy.Youdon’thavetodoorsayanything—justthink,“Iwishforthispersontobehappy.”Andsincenobodyknowswhatyou’re thinking, it’s not embarrassing—you can do this exercise entirely instealth. And after ten seconds of doing that, go back to work. That’s all. OnWednesdaymorning thatweek, I receivedanemail froma total stranger, Jane

(notherrealname).Janetoldme,“Ihatemyjob.Ihatecomingtoworkeverysingleday.ButIattendedyourtalkonMonday,didthehomeworkonTuesday,andTuesdaywasmyhappiestdayinsevenyears.”

Happiestdayinsevenyears.Andwhatdidittaketoachievethat?Ittooktenseconds of secretly wishing for two other people to be happy for eightrepetitions, a total of eighty seconds of thinking. That, my friends, is theawesomepowerofloving-kindness.

Once I spoke to a class at Stanford University and assigned the samehomework, to wish for two people to be happy once per hour during schoolhours.Oneofthestudents,Mischa,likeditsomuch,shecalledither“happinessray gun” and added a “pew, pew” sound effect in her headwhen she secretlywishedforpassersbytobehappy.Pleasefeelfreetodothesame.

INFORMALPRACTICE:WISHINGFORRANDOMPEOPLETOBEHAPPY

Duringworkinghoursorschoolhours,randomlyidentifytwopeoplewhowalkpastyouorwhoarestandingorsittingaroundyou.Secretlywishforthemtobehappy.Justthinktoyourself,“Iwishforthispersontobehappy,andIwishforthatpersontobehappy.”Thatistheentirepractice.Don’tdoanything;don’tsayanything;justthink.Thisisentirelyathinkingexercise.

Ifyouprefer,youcandothisatanytimeofthedayforanyamountoftime.Youcanalsodoitatanyotherplace.If there isnobodypresent,youcanbringsomeonetomindfor thepurposeof thisexercise.

Ifyoulike,youmaypretendyouarefiringa“happinessraygun”atthemandmake“pew,pew”soundeffectsinyourhead.Batteriesnotrequired.

FamiliarizingtheMindwiththeJoyofLoving-Kindness

Therearemanywonderfulthingsaboutthejoyofloving-kindness.First,itcanbeinitiatedwithasinglethought,andthoughtsareeasytoinitiate.Comparedtoothersourcesofjoy,forexample,thejoyfromsensorypleasurerequiresaccessto a pleasant object that the mind hasn’t already habituated to, which is notalwayseasytocomeby.Eventhejoyofease,welearnedinChapters2and3,requiresyoutoputthemindintoastateofease,whichrequiressomeamountofpractice for some people. In contrast, all it takes to initiate the joy of loving-kindness is a single thought, “I wish for this person to be happy.” Everyconscious human being I have ever known in my entire life knows how toinitiateathought.Hence,thejoyofloving-kindnessishighlyaccessible.

Second, this source of joy is verywholesome. InChapter 4,we defined awholesomesourceofjoyasonethatisnotcontaminatedwithgreed,illwill,orthe seeds of future suffering.Loving-kindness fits this definition to a tee, andmore important, it is an antidote for ill will, giving it the extra wholesomegoodnesseverymomapprovesof.

Third, like all otherwholesome sourcesof joymentioned in thisbook, the

joyandthewholesomementalstateitarisesfromreinforceeachother,formingavirtuous cyclewith each other. In this case, the joy of loving-kindnessmakesonemorelikelytofeelkindandloving,whichinturnmakesonemorelikelytoexperience the joy of loving-kindness. Therefore, a key way to optimize thefunctioning of this virtuous cycle is to familiarize the mind with the joy ofloving-kindness. Themore themind becomes familiarwith that joy, themoreclearly that joy is experienced, and the more strongly it creates the futureconditionsforloving-kindness.Whatisthebestwaytofamiliarizethemindwiththisjoy?Yes,theanswerisrepeatedattention.Byattendingtothejoyofloving-kindnessrepeatedly,themindbecomesfamiliarwithit.

Hereisashortandpowerfulpracticeforfamiliarizingthemindwiththejoyofloving-kindness.Weonlyhavetodothisforasmallnumberofminutes.Atthestartofeachminute,bringtomindsomeoneyoucanveryeasilyfeelloving-kindness for. In general, the best person is someone forwhomyou have totalunconditionallove,suchasyourchild.Afteryoubringthispersontomind,wishforhimorher tobehappy.The joyof loving-kindnesswill likelyarise,and ifthathappens,bringfullattentiontothejoyuntilitfadesaway.Fortherestoftheminute, just rest the mind. And when the next minute begins, start the cycleagain.

FORMALPRACTICE:ATTENDINGTOTHEJOYOFLOVING-KINDNESS

Sitinanyposturethatallowsyoutobealertandrelaxedat thesametime,whateverthatmeanstoyou.Youmaykeepyoureyesopenorclosed.

Repeat this cycleonceperminute:Bring tomindsomeone forwhomyoucanveryeasily feelloving-kindness.Wishforhimorhertobehappy.Thejoyofloving-kindnessmayarise,andifthathappens,bring fullattention to the joyuntil it fadesaway.For the restof theminute, just rest themind.

Whenthenextminutebegins,startthecycleagain,foratotalofthreeminutes.

Youcandothisforhowevermanyminutesyouchoose.Youdon’thavetostick toaonce-per-minute regimen—feel free to restyourmind for as longasyouwantbetweeneachcycle.Thetimingisnotimportant;theonlythingthatisimportantisattendingtothejoyofloving-kindness,thatisall.

Loving-KindnessIsthe“GatewayDrug”toCompassion

Practicing loving-kindness leads to another very important quality that has thepower to uplift themind: compassion.What is the difference between loving-kindnessandcompassion?Simplystated,loving-kindnessisthewishforselforotherstobehappy,andcompassionisthewishforselforotherstobefreefromsuffering. They sound like the same thing, but there are at least two majordifferences. First, compassion necessarily involves a motivational component,whilethatisnotalwaystrueforloving-kindness.Ifyouseesomebodysuffering,and if a strong feeling of compassion arises, you experience some degree ofmotivation to do something. That motivation, which may feel almost like acompulsion,isalwayspresentintheexperienceofcompassion,tosomedegreeor other. In contrast, that same motivation is not always present in loving-kindness. If youwish for somebody tobehappy, andhe isn’t, sometimesyoufeelmotivatedtodosomething,butothertimesyoujustshrugandgolike,“Eh,maybehe’llbehappytomorrow.”

IhadaconversationwiththeeminentpsychologistPaulEkman,inwhichhetoldmeastorythatbroughthomethecompulsivenatureofcompassion.Hetoldmeofastudyonheroes.Thereturnsouttobeatleasttwocategoriesofheroes.Oneisthecategoryofpeoplewhorunintoburningbuildings,diveintorivers,orjump onto train tracks to save the lives of total strangers. Amazing humanbeings.Paul toldmethere isanother,evenmoreadmirablecategoryofheroes,which includes, for example, people living under Nazi rule who hid total

strangersintheirownhousestoprotectthem.Thefirstcategoryofheroesmadeasplit-seconddecision,nothavingalotoftimetothinkaboutconsequences.Incontrast, the second category had time to think about the dangers they wereexposing themselves and their families to, and day after day, they made aconsciousdecisiontocontinuehidingperfectstrangersintheirhousestoprotectthem.Sothesecondcategoryofheroesisevenmoreamazingthanthefirst.Thequestion is, why? Why would anybody risk their lives and limbs for totalstrangers,withnoexpectationofrewards?Andwhywouldanybodyconsciouslydothatdayafterdayformonthsoryears?Paultoldmethatwhentheheroesinbothcategorieswereinterviewed,theyallgavedifferentvariationsofthesameexactanswer:Ididn’thaveachoice.Theywould,forexample,say,“Icouldn’tjust let themdie.Whatchoicedid Ihave?”Or theywould say, “Thatkidwasdrowning,whatelsecouldIdo?Icouldn’tjuststandthereanddonothing.”Inotherwords,allgenuineheroismhasonethingincommon:thecompulsionthatarisesfromcompassion.Loving-kindnessseldominvolvesthesamecompulsion.

The second major difference between loving-kindness and compassion isthat loving-kindness is easier for an untrained mind. To bring up loving-kindness, all one has to do is think, “I wish for this person to be happy.”Following that thought,awarmandpleasant feeling isexperienced in theareaaroundtheheart,andjoyarises,whichmayormaynotalwaysbeperceptibletotheuntrainedmind,butineithercase,theexerciseiseasytodo.Inmostcases,itleads to a fewmoments of delightful joy, but even in theworst case, nothinghappens, there is no downside or difficulty. Compassion, in contrast, issignificantlyharderbecauseitforcesustocomeface-to-facewithsuffering.Topracticecompassion,youneedtothink,“Iwishforthispersontobefreefrom

suffering.” At the very least, it means you need to recognize suffering. Veryoften,youalsoneedtoperceivethesuffering,feelthesuffering,stareitrightinthe face. In the untrained mind, to stare suffering in its face, whether thesuffering isone’sownorothers’,often invokes fear,panic, aversion,orat theveryleast,greatdiscomfort.Hence,thenaturalinstinctistolookaway.

WhenIwasanovicemeditator,Idecidedthatcompassionwastoohardforme.“Hey, look, I’mnosaint,” I toldmyself.Lookingat suffering ishard, toohardforalowlymeremortallikeme.Therearemanysaintly,heroicpeopleinthe world who are much better human beings than I, so they can do thatcompassionthing,andI’lljustsithereandchill,thankyouverymuch.Andyet,somethingkeptnaggingatme.Instinctively,Iknewcompassionneededtobeacentralpartofmypractice,butIdidn’tknowwhy,andIwastoochickentofindout.

What changed formewas reading about a scientific study conductedon aFrenchman calledMatthieuRicard.Matthieuwas a young scientistwho, aftergettinghisPhDincellgeneticsatthePasteurInstitute,decidedhereallywantedto dedicate his life to studying with great Tibetan spiritual masters and topractice Buddhism when he grew up. Forty years of monkhood and fortythousand hours of meditation practice later,Matthieu became one of the firstmeditatorsintheworldwithmorethantenthousandhoursofmeditationtrainingto have his brain studied with fMRI (functional magnetic resonance imaging,whichmeasuresbrainactivitybydetectingassociatedchangesinbloodflow).Itwas thefirst timeanybodywasdoing thesestudieswithscientificrigor,so theresearcherswerenot sure at allwhatwould comeout of it.Theydecided thatthey would study a few of the many meditation techniques, in particular themeditationonunconditionalcompassion,andthey’dseewhathappened.WhenMatthieuwasintheMRImachinemeditatingoncompassion,andwhenhedidthe same with 256 electrodes on his scalp for an EEG study, the changesrecordedbytheequipmentweresofaroffthechartsthattheresearchersthoughttheywereprobablymeasuringsomekindofartifact,sotheyhadtorechecksomeof the equipment. But very similar resultswere obtained time and againwithMatthieu and with many other long-term meditators, both monastic and laypractitioners,menandwomen,comingfromtheEastortheWest:thedifferencebetween these meditators and untrained subjects was not so much due toindividual special qualities—although there were indeed some differencesbetweensubjects—but to thenatureof the training theyhadgone through.Allthemeditatorswithmore than ten thousand hours ofmeditation trainingwere

abletoreproducesimilarresultsinthesamelab.Besidesnotbeingasaint,Iamalsonotabrainscientist.Ireadthechartsand

itwasn’tcleartomehowtounderstandthemexperientially,soIaskedmydearfriend,RichieDavidson,theleadinvestigatorinthesestudies,toexplainittomeintermsthatevenIcanunderstand.Richiesaidtome,imaginetheemotionalityinvolved in seeing an elephant charging right at you, imagine instead havingpositive emotions of that intensity, and imagine being able to bring it up ondemand,inafewseconds.That’swhatMatthieu’sandothermeditators’brainscando.Wow.

Themost jaw-dropping thingabout this experiment formewasMatthieu’srecordedhappinesslevel.Inameasureofhappinessinhisbrain,wherezeroisneutralandincreasinglynegativenumbersdenotethemagnitudeofhappiness,–0.3 being described as “beatific,”Matthieu’s happiness ismeasured at –0.45.1ThepressnicknamedMatthieuthe“happiestmanintheworld.”

Iwasshocked.Compassionisthehappiestmentalstateevermeasuredinthehistoryofneuroscience.Tome, Ihadalwaysassociatedcompassionwithsuffering,butthedatajusttoldatotallydifferentstory.Manygreatteachersinalargevarietyofspiritualandreligioustraditionsovermillenniahavetaughtthatcompassion is a divine, joyful state ofmind. I had always thought of the ideathat compassion is a joyful state as an empty nicety typical of what spiritualteacherstell thecivilianswhentheyhavetogivespeechesaftermeals.Butno,the data shows that compassion is themost joyful state evermeasured in thehistoryofneuroscience.IlateraskedMatthieuinpersonandheconfirmedthat,

inhisownpersonalexperience,thereisnothingmorejoyfulthancompassion.But how can this be? Isn’t compassion all about seeing suffering? In fact,

even the word compassion, from its Latin roots, means “co-suffering,” orsuffering together. How can a state ofmind so deeply embedded in sufferingpossibly be associatedwith joy,much less the greatest joy?After I found thecourage to actually practice compassion, I found the surprising answer: it ispreciselythenecessityoffacingsufferingthatleadstothefacultyforaccessinggreat joy.Howso?Irealizedthat ifIstartbybringingthemindtoacalmandstablestate,andthenletinnerjoyariseandpermeatethemind,andinthatstate,Iopenmyselftotheexperienceofsuffering,anoverwhelmingfeelingofsadnesswillsoonstarttooccupythemind,leadingtogreatdiscomfortinbothbodyandmind.ButifImaintainthecalmandstablemind,andifthefoundationofinnerjoy is so strong that it never completely disappears, I can experience sadnesswithequanimity.

When I experience sadnesswith equanimity, three qualities arise: courage,confidence,andmostimportant,selflesslove.Couragearisesbecausewhenthemindseessufferingtotallyenvelopingitselfandstillisabletostayequanimous,its fearofpresent-momentsufferingweakens.With thatcourage, themindhasless fearofsuffering in the future.Hence,confidencearises too.Withcourageand confidence, themind sees all that suffering with clarity and fearlessness.Whenamindthatisclearandfearlessmeetssuffering,ittakesonthequalityofalovingparentorgrandparenttenderlycradlingasickchild,wantingtoseethatsuffering relieved. The sense of self-importance fades out, a feeling ofinterconnectednessfadesin,andwiththat,selflessloveisawakened.TheGreekword for selfless love isagape, which some have described (correctly, inmyopinion)asthehighestlevelofloveknowntohumanity,onethatiscommittedtothewell-beingofothers.Ithinkthisselflessloveistheheartofcompassion—itgivescompassionitsdivinequalityandyieldsprofoundjoy.

Imyselffinditchallengingtomaintainthisstate.Forme,Ihavetomusterafairlyhighlevelofinnerpeaceandinnerjoybeforeitworks,andittakesalotofpractice(perhapsthousandsofhours)tobeabletodothatreliablyandsustainit.However, even at my fairly immature level of practice, I can already feel itspotency,andIcanseewhyitcaneventuallyleadtoanunparalleledlevelofjoy.

Once Iwas diningwithMatthieu in a Parisian café.By this time,we hadbecome good friends, but in reality, I see himmuchmore as amaster than afriend. Eager to learn from him, I wanted to test if my understanding ofcompassionpracticewasapproximatelyright,soIaskedhim,“Thereisalotof

sadness in the experience of compassion, yet compassion is supposed to be ajoyful state, sohow is compassion simultaneously a sad and joyful state all atonce?”Matthieu’sanswerconfirmsthatmypracticeisontherighttrack,buthetakesaslightlydifferentapproachtoarriveatthesameconclusion.Hesaysitisimportant to understand there is a difference between healthy sadness andunhealthy sadness.He calls healthy sadness “the courage of compassion.”Hesays this is the type of sadness that inspires a loving response in you thatcompels you to take courageous action to relieve suffering. The differencebetweenhealthyandunhealthysadness isdespair.Healthysadness issadnesswithoutdespair.Sadnesswithoutdespaircomes fromtheconfidence thatyouhavetheinnerresourcestodealwithdifficulties.Wheredothoseinnerresourcescomefrom?Trainingthemind.

Compassion is more potent than loving-kindness, but loving-kindness ismucheasier.Moreimportant,loving-kindnesspavesthewayforcompassion.Ifyour wish for somebody to be happy becomes sufficiently strong, then younaturallyalsowantthatpersontobefreefromsuffering,sointhatway,loving-kindness leads to compassion.Hence, the lazyway to cultivate compassion issimply to master loving-kindness. Just do a lot of loving-kindness practice,whichiseasyandjoyfultodo,andeventually,yourloving-kindnesswillbesostrong that every human being you see, your first instinct is to wish for thatperson to be happy. Ancient texts describe this state of mind like a vigoroustrumpeter who can make himself (or herself) heard in all directions withoutdifficulty. In the same way, the meditator’s loving-kindness flows in alldirectionswithoutdifficulty.Fromthatpoint, tomovefromloving-kindness tocompassion,allyouneedisalittlenudgetobecomekeenlyawareofsuffering.Themindsuffusedwithsufficientlystrongloving-kindness,whenkeenlyawareof suffering, always becomes compassionate.That is the easy, lazy path—andthereasonIthinkofloving-kindnessasthe“gatewaydrug”tocompassion.Youstart doing easy, gentle loving-kindness, and pretty soon, you’ll end up doinghard-corecompassion.

Or,astherenownedIndianBuddhistmasterKamalashilaisbelievedtohavesaid,“Ifyoutemperyourheartwithloving-kindness,andprepareitlikeafertilesoil,andthenplanttheseedofcompassion,itwillgreatlyflourish.”

Aslightlymoreformalwayoflookingatthepathtowardcompassionisthis:compassionisnotsustainableunlessitisbasedoninnerjoyandequanimity.Atahigh level of skill, compassion can create its own inner joy and equanimity,settingoff themental equivalent of self-sustainingnuclear fusion.However, it

takesalotofpracticetoreachthatlevel.Lessexperiencedpractitionerssustaincompassionwith the joy of loving-kindness, plus the joy and equanimity thatcomefrominnerpeace.Innerpeacecomesfromtheabilitytocalmthemindondemand, which in turn comes from calmness meditation (see “One MindfulBreath,”page66,and“SettlingtheMind,”page90).

Let us do a formal practice that paves this path from calmness to joy toloving-kindnesstocompassion.Tome,themostimportantpartofthispracticeisthejoyofselflesslove.Ifandwhenitarises,attendtoitsoastofamiliarizethemindwithit.Themorethemindisfamiliarwithit,themoreitbecomesafriendofthemind,themoreoftenitwantstocomevisitandhangout.

FORMALPRACTICE:CULTIVATINGCOMPASSIONTHROUGHPEACE,JOY,AND

KINDNESS

SetupSitinanyposturethatallowsyoutobealertandrelaxedat thesametime,whateverthatmeanstoyou.Youmaykeepyoureyesopenorclosed.

SettletheMind(2–5Minutes)Settle the mind either with anchoring, resting, or being. You may anchor your attention to anysensory object such as the breath, or youmay rest themind on the breath like a butterfly restinggentlyonaflower,oryoumaysimplysitwithoutagenda.Inanycase,allowthemindtosettleonitsown.

AttendtoJoy(2–5Minutes)Ifanyjoyarises,bringfullattentiontoit.Ifnecessary,bringupafullsmileorahalfsmile,whateverthewordshalfsmilemeantoyou.Ifanyjoyarises,bringfullattentiontoit.

Loving-Kindness(2–5Minutes)Bringtomindsomeoneforwhomyoucanveryeasilyfeelloving-kindness.Wishforhimorhertobehappy.Thejoyofloving-kindnessmayarise,andifthathappens,bringfullattentiontothatjoyuntilit fades away. Repeat this cycle as many times as you like, resting for any amount of time inbetween.

Compassion(2–5Minutes)Bring tomindanybodywhoyouknow isexperiencingsuffering (whomaybe the samepersonasabove).Bringattentiontohisorherpain.Sadnessmayarise,anditmayevenenvelopeyourentirebodyandmind,causingdiscomfort.

If you are able to experience this sadness with equanimity, do so. If you cannot experiencesadnesswithequanimity,youmaysimplysitwith thesadnesswithoutequanimity. If thatgets toouncomfortableforyou,youmayshiftattentionawayfromtheexperienceofsadnesstothesensationsinthebody.Ifeventhatistoouncomfortableforyou,feelfreetodisengagefromthissadnessatanytime.

SelflessLove(IfAny)Ifatanytimeduringthecompassionexercise,selflesslovearises,bringfullattentiontoit.Thisloveis like the mind of a loving parent or grandparent tenderly cradling a sick child. This love isunconditionalanddivine.Ifanyjoyarisesfromthisselflesslove,bringfullattentiontoit.

Closing(2Minutes)Let’sendthissessionbysettlingthemindagainfortwominutes.

Thankyouforyourattention.

RejoicinginAllthat(Juicy)Goodness

Loving-kindness leads tooneotherquality thatuplifts themind: altruistic joy.Altruisticjoyisusuallydefinedasjoyderivedfromthesuccessandgoodfortuneof others, but it can also refer in general to joy that is free of selfishness,resentment, jealousy, and envy. It is the direct opposite of the German wordschadenfreude,whichispleasurederivedfromthemisfortunesofothers.

Altruisticjoycanbedeliciousbecauseotherpeople’sgoodfortunetendstobe quite visible, so if only I’m capable of rejoicing at other people’s goodfortune, Ican rejoicea lot.Forexample,everyyear inmycompany, therearetwo promotion cycles. Lots of people get promoted, and usually, it’s notme.Hence,ifotherpeoplegettingpromotedbringsmejoy,I’llbeplentyjoyful,Itellyou.

ThemostsurprisingthingIhavelearnedaboutaltruisticjoyishowharditisto cultivate. In my experience, altruistic joy is much harder to cultivate thanloving-kindness and compassion. Some meditation masters appear to havearrived at the same conclusion. The revered German-born Buddhist scholar-monkNyanaponikaTherasaid,forexample,that“itisrelativelyeasierformantofeelcompassionor[loving-kindness] insituationswhichdemandthem, thantocherishaspontaneousfeelingofsharedjoy,outsideanarrowcircleofone’sfamily and friends.”2 Why is that so? I’m not sure why, but even amongtoddlers, compassion seems easier than altruistic joy. For example, when onetoddler iscrying,anotherwillgiveherahug to try tomakeher feelbetter. Incontrast,whenonetoddlerisgivencandy,anothertoddlerdoesn’tgolike,“Yay!You havecandy, I’msohappy!”Thecandy-less toddler is likely to cryoutofenvyorjealousy.

Having said all that, there is goodnews.There is a subsetof altruistic joythatiseasyanduplifting,andthatisrejoicingintheinnergoodnessandaltruisticbehaviorofothers.Itiseasyandupliftingbecausewearehardwiredtobeawedandinspired.Bringtomindsomebodywhoyouknowisverykindandgenerous,andyoufeelawed,inspired,anduplifted.Rejoice!Whenyoureadofawomanwhospendsallherdaysvolunteeringatthelocalhospitaltobringjoytocancerpatients,youfeelawed,inspired,anduplifted.Rejoice!Whenyouhearofamanrunningintoaburningbuildingtosaveatotalstranger,youfeelawed,inspired,anduplifted.Rejoice!

Onegreatfeatureofthisaspectofaltruisticjoyisitcanbeappliedevento

oneself.Youcanrejoiceatyourownaltruisticacts.Somepeoplemaythinkthatanyactionthatbenefitsselfinanyway(inadditiontobenefitingothers)cannotbeconsideredaltruistic.Inotherwords,selfmustnecessarilybeexcludedfrombenefit in order for an act to be considered altruistic. I definitely disagreebecause,asameditator, it isobvious tome thatone’sownmind isalways thefirstbeneficiaryofanyaltruisticintention;therefore,itisimpossibletocommitany act out of true altruistic intent without first benefiting oneself. Takecompassion for example. TheDalai Lama teaches, “Many people . . . assumethatfeelingcompassionforothersisonlygoodfortheothersandnotforoneself.Thisis . . . incorrect.Whetherornotourkindnessbringsbenefit tootherswilldependonagreatmanyfactors,someofwhichwillbeoutsideourcontrol.Butwhetherwesucceedinbringingbenefittoothersornot,thefirstbeneficiaryofcompassion is alwaysoneself.”3He evenhalf-jokingly calls compassionbeing“wise selfish.” I think it is important to be aware that all intentions ofcompassionandaltruismnecessarilybenefitself(at theveryleast, theybenefitone’smind).It isevenmoreimportanttoapplythemskillfullytopractice,andonewaytoapplythemskillfullyistorejoiceatone’sownaltruisticacts.

If you have taken time and effort to cultivate loving-kindness withinyourself,orhavemadeagenerousdonationtocharity,orbeenkindtosomeone,or even saved somebody’s life, rejoice! In the tradition ofmyownmeditativetraining(EarlyBuddhism),itisconsideredwholesomejoytoreflectonthegoodthingswehavedoneand to takedelight in them.This isespecially true in thecaseofgenerosity.Infact,inonelecturetolaypeople,theBuddhawentsofarasto list out the worldly benefits of generosity, including being dear to people,beingadmiredbygoodpeople,andgainingagoodreputation.4Whatthatsaystomeisthateventhecoarse,worldlybenefitsofmyaltruisticdeedsaccruedtomeareworthreflectingonandrejoicingin,aslongasIdidthedeedswithsincereintentofbenefitingothers.

Rejoicinginone’saltruisticdeedsisconsideredwholesomejoybecauseitisjoy uncontaminated with greed, ill will, or the seeds of future suffering. Inaddition to that, it provides three important benefits. First, it gives a rewardsignal to the mind and therefore inclines the mind toward goodness, makingaltruistic deedsmore likely in the future. Second, it uplifts themind.Third, itcountersself-inadequacyandself-loathing.

I’msurprisedbyhowwidespreadtheproblemsofself-inadequacyandself-loathing appear to be. Actually, to tell you the truth, I myself suffer from alifelong, persistent sense of inadequacy, constantly feeling that I’m not good

enough.Ihavetheappearanceofmanyworldlysuccessesinmylife.However,beingsuccessfulnevertookawaymyfeelingofinadequacy—itonlyaddedtoit.Why? Because at the height of every achievement, I’d look around and say,“Actually,IwasjustluckythatIwasintherightplaceattherighttime.Idon’tdeservethis.”IhavealotofproblemsowningmysuccessbecauseIknowforafact thatonlya smallpartof it isdue tomyown intelligence,hardwork, andgood-heartedness, while most of it is due to external conditions beyond mycontrolthatIhadnoroleincreating.Idon’townmostoftheconditionsofmysuccess,andtherefore,Icannotownmostofmysuccess.Thereis,however,onethingIcananddofullyown,whichistheintentionbehindmyactions.WhenIdonatemoneyoutofanintentionofgenerosity,Iownthat intention—thatwasme.WhenIsit inmeditationwiththeintentionofbecomingacalmer,happier,kinderhumanbeing,Iownthatintention—thatwasme.Hence,oneofthefewthings inmylife thatcanreducemyconstantsenseof inadequacyisreflectingonmysincere,altruisticintentions,andbyextension,thegooddeedsthatresultfrom the intentions and theoccasionalgoodoutcomeof thosedeeds (on thoseoccasionswhenmygooddeedsgounpunished).

TherewasaperiodinmylifewhenIwasfacingsuchgreatdifficultiesthatmy sense of inadequacy became acute. It got so bad that during my dailymeditation,Ikeptbeinginterruptedbythisinnervoicethattoldme,“Youareacompletelyuselesspieceofshit.”TheworstpartwasIactuallybelievedit.Mymindwasdominatedbyanguish,andIcouldnotsettle it.Thenawise teachertoldme,“Youknowwhatyourproblemis?Youdoalotofgoodforothers,butyoukeepignoringthatfact.Atthebeginningofyournextmeditation,Iwantyouto reflect on the good you have done for others.” I followed the instructions.WhenIsatdowntomeditatethatevening,IreflectedonafewpeoplewhohadtoldmethatsomethingIdidforthembroughtthemgreatjoyandchangedtheirlives.Ireflectedonmyintentionbehindthosedeeds,andtheywereallintentionsofgenerosity.Reflectingonthose intentionsanddeeds inspired joyinme,andthemindwasuplifted.Onceitwasuplifted,IregainedmysenseofhumorandrepliedtothevoicethattoldmeIwasacompletelyuselesspieceofshit,“No!Iamnotacompletelyuselesspieceofshit,only95percentuseless.”Itwasfunny,and I laughed to myself inside.With uplifting joy thus established, the mindsettled. The mind was still dominated by anguish, but it was also capable ofsettling, and because of that, it was able to experience the anguish withequanimityandwithafirmfoundationofjoythatnevercompletelydisappeared.In doing so, compassion arose toward myself. Altruistic joy had, therefore,

createdthefirmfootingforequanimityandcompassiontotakehold.

Ilaterfoundoutthatsometeachersteachthisasaskillfulwaytobeginanymeditation.At thebeginningof everymeditation session,uplift themindwithaltruistic joy. There are two ways to do it. The first is by reflecting on youraltruistic deeds and the pure intentions behind those deeds (as I describedabove). The second is by reflecting on the goodness or altruistic deeds ofsomebodyyougreatlyadmireandwhomyouaspiretobecomewhenyougrowup(formyself, thatpersonis theBuddha).Withthemindupliftedbyaltruisticjoy, all three meditative joys will begin to arise: pamojja (gladness), piti(energetic joy), and sukha (gentle joy). As we learned in Chapter 4, theproximatecauseofmeditativeconcentrationare themeditative joys; therefore,altruistic joyat thebeginningof sittingmeditation is a skillfulwayofquicklygettingintoasettledmeditativestate.

Letusgiveitatry.We’rejustgoingtodoasimplesettlingofthemind,butuplift themindwith altruistic joy at the beginning. See if that improves yourexperienceinanyway.

FORMALPRACTICE:UPLIFTINGANDSETTLINGTHEMINDWITHALTRUISTICJOY

SetupSitinanyposturethatallowsyoutobealertandrelaxedat thesametime,whateverthatmeanstoyou.Youmaykeepyoureyesopenorclosed.

UplifttheMind(2–5Minutes)Takeafewminutesto:

Bring to mind one or more people to whom you have brought joy or benefit out of purelyaltruistic intent. Reflect on the deed(s). Reflect on the good intention(s) behind the deed(s). Takedelightinyourgoodintentionsanddeeds.

ORBring tomind somebody you greatly admire andwhomyou aspire to become.Reflect on the

innergoodnessorthealtruisticdeedsofthisperson.Takedelightinthegoodnessofthispersonandhisorherdeeds.

SettletheMind(5–10Minutes)Settle the mind either with anchoring, resting, or being. You may anchor your attention to anysensory object such as the breath, or youmay rest themind on the breath like a butterfly restinggentlyonaflower,oryoumaysimplysitwithoutagenda.Inanycase,allowthemindtosettleonitsown.

Closing(1–2Minutes)Closebynoticing if there is any joypresent in themind, and if so, attending to it foroneor twominutes.

Inadditiontotheformalpractice,Ialsorecommendtheinformalpracticeoftakingamomenttorejoiceininnergoodnessandaltruisticdeedswheneveryouseethem.

INFORMALPRACTICE:REJOICINGININNERGOODNESSANDALTRUISTICDEEDS

Wheneveryoumakeadonationoftimeorlabor,ordosomethingoutofaltruisticintention,takeamoment to think, “I am doing this out of altruistic intention. Having this intentionmakesme sohappy.”

Whenever youmeet or bring tomind an admirable, inspiring person, take amoment to think,“Thereexiststhiswonderfulpersoninthisworld.I’msohappy.”

Whenever you see somebody performing an altruistic or heroic act, take a moment to think,“Moregoodisbeingdoneinthisworld.I’msohappy.”

SoMuchGoodness,SoLittleTime

The three qualities in this chapter, loving-kindness, compassion, and altruisticjoy,arethreeinacollectionoffourbeautifulqualitiescalledbrahmavihara.Thefourthmemberofthatclubisequanimity,whichisthemindthatremainscalmand free in the face of eight worldly conditions: gain and loss, honor anddishonor,praiseandblame,andpleasureandpain.Equanimity,whenappliedtotheotherthreebrahmaviharastates,alsocarriestheflavorofimpartiality,whichmeans that loving-kindness, compassion, and altruistic joy apply to all beingsequally. I almost never see brahmavihara translated literally in English.Brahmavihara literallymeans“supremeabode,”but themostcommonEnglishtranslation I’ve seen is “the four sublime states.” Themost common Chinesetranslation literallymeans “the four immeasurables,” almost certainly becauseancient Chinese translators decided to use the synonym for brahmavihara, thePaliwordappamanna,whichliterallymeans“boundless”or“immeasurable.”Ihope you’re not immeasurably confused. The most amusing translation ofbrahmavihara I’ve come across is “best home.” (“Where do you get yourbrahmavihara?” “AtBestHomeDepot.”)Anyway, for the rest of this book, Iwillsticktothecommonlyusedtranslationof“foursublimestates.”

Thefirstquestionyoumighthaveaboutpracticeis,whichonetodofirst?Somany sublime states, somuch goodness, so little time!Of the first three, oneshoulddefinitelybeginwithloving-kindness,becauseitiseasiestandmostuser-friendly. In fact, the friendly nature of loving-kindness is even reflected in itsname. The original Pali word that gets translated to loving-kindness ismetta,which is etymologically close to the Pali word for friend,mitta. That is whymettaissometimestranslatedtoloving-friendliness.

Loving-kindness has many powerful benefits. The first benefit of loving-kindnessisthatitishighlyconducivetojoy.Youmayhavealreadyexperiencedit yourself with only a few seconds or minutes of doing the loving-kindnesspractices in thischapter.Theeffectsof loving-kindnessonemotionshavealso

been investigated scientifically.A2008 study, for example, ledbypreeminentpsychologist Barbara Fredrickson showed that, “Participants who invested anhourorsoeachweekpracticing[loving-kindnessmeditation]enhancedawiderange of positive emotions in a wide range of situations, especially wheninteractingwithothers.”5Thestudyalsoreports,“Thefindingsareclearcut:Thepractice of [loving-kindness meditation] led to shifts in people’s dailyexperiencesofawiderangeofpositiveemotions,includinglove,joy,gratitude,contentment,hope,pride,interest,amusement,andawe.”Anotherbenefit,whichistotallyunsurprising,isifyou’restronginloving-kindness,peopletendtolikeyou. The ancient texts claim that even animals tend to like you and behavefavorablytowardyouifyouarestronginloving-kindness.

More important, in mind training, loving-kindness is highly conducive tomeditativeconcentration.Onewhoisstronginloving-kindnesscanmoreeasilysettleandconcentrate themind.Infact, Iknowofmeditationmasterswhouseloving-kindnessastheirmainvehicleforarrivingatstatesofperfectmeditativeconcentration. Perhapsmost important, loving-kindness paves theway for theother three sublime states, so someone who is very strong in loving-kindnesswill find the other three sublime states requiring very little extra effort tocultivate. (“Buy loving-kindness now, and you’ll get the other three sublimestatesforjust$19.95!Shippingandhandlingchargesmayapply.”)

Allfoursublimestatesareverybeneficial.Ifyouhavetochooseonlyone,definitely choose loving-kindness. Given its ease, friendliness, and awesome

power,youcan’tgowrongwithit.Ifyoudoonethinginadditiontoloving-kindness,Irecommendrejoicingin

theinnergoodnessandaltruisticdeedsofyourselfandothers,mostlybecauseitiseasytodoandyieldscompellinglylargebenefitinproportiontothetinyeffortrequired.Allittakesisafewminutesofreflectingonandtakingdelightinthegoodness and altruism of yourself or others in formal meditation, and a fewmoments of doing so in daily life, and this kind of altruistic joy can result inmajormind-uplift.

Ifyoudoonemore thingafter that,definitely it shouldbecompassion.Ofthe first three sublime states, compassion is themost potent. It is the one thatdirectlyaddressessufferingrightinitsface,itistheonethatmotivatesaltruisticsocial action and heroic behavior, and it is the one that brings about themostselflesslove.Itisbecauseofitspotencythatcompassioniselevatedtothestatusof the highest virtue inmany schools in Buddhism. This stuff is hard-core. Imost strongly recommend practicing compassion, and doing so after somefoundationinloving-kindnessisfirmlyestablished.

Asforthelastsublimestate,equanimity,well,youhavebeencultivatingitalready.The seedswereplantedwhenyou tookyour firstmindfulbreath.Therootsgroweverytimeyousettlethemindintoastateofeaseandinnerjoy.Youwater the roots every time you incline the mind toward wholesome joy. InChapter7,wewilltalkabouthowwebringabouttheblossomingofequanimity.

EnemiesNearandFar

When foraging for mushrooms in the wild, the biggest danger comes frompicking a toxic mushroom that looks a lot like the edible mushroom youintended to pick. For example, if you’re foraging for the delicious morelmushroom, the danger doesn’t come from accidentally picking a death capmushroom—theylookverydifferentfrommorelsandyouknowtoavoidthem.The real danger comes from picking a falsemorel,which looks like amorel,exceptitistoxic.Hence,inforagingformushrooms,themostimportantthingistorecognizethetoxiclook-alikes.

In the same way, every sublime state has one or more toxic look-alikes,whichintheparlanceofthetraditionaltexts,areknownasnearenemies.Everysublime state also has one ormore far enemies,which are the direct oppositestates.Weallalreadyknowtoavoidthefarenemies—itisthenearenemies,dueto their close resemblance to the sublimestates, that cause themostproblems.It’simportanttorecognizethenearenemies.

Thefarenemyofloving-kindnessis illwill,especiallystrongillwill,as inhatred.Loving-kindnesshastwonearenemies,bothofwhichareoftendominantinromanticrelationships,whichiswhythoserelationshipstendtogosourovertime.Thefirstisthetypeofaffectionthatkeepsyoucompulsivelythirstingformore, almost like an addiction. In loving-kindness, the absence of the otherpersondoesnotleadtopain,agitation,orthirst,becauseifitdoes,itisclinging,not loving-kindness. Loving-kindness is always wholesome. The second nearenemyisconditionallove,oraffectionthatdependsonwhethertheotherpersonexistsinacertainway,doescertainthings,orprovidesyouwithacertainsetofsensory or ego pleasures. For example, if your tender loving feelings for himwill fade if he is no longer successful and confident, or if your tender lovingfeelingsforherwillfizzleout ifsheisnolongerbeautiful, thenno, that isnotloving-kindness.Loving-kindness is alwaysunconditional and selfless.Havingsaidthat,weshouldnotethatunconditionalloving-kindnessdoesnotmeanthatwedonotsetboundaries toprotectourselvesfromharm.Forexample, ifyourhusband is abusive, your loving-kindness should not stop you from getting arestrainingorder.Youcanwishforhimtobehappy,butyoudon’thavetowishforhimtobeinyourhome.

Thefarenemyofcompassioniscruelty.Compassionhastwonearenemies.The first isgriefbornofdespair.AsMatthieuRicard says, truecompassion isbased on the type of healthy sadness that inspires both a loving response andcourageousaction.Incontrast,thetypeofgriefthatcauseshelplessness,despair,andpowerlessnessisunhealthy.Itneedstobetransformedintohealthysadnessforcompassion toproperly function.Thesecondnearenemyofcompassion ispity. To pity somebody necessarily (and often unconsciously) means you areputting yourself above that person, and that (often unconsciously andinsidiously) reinforces an unhealthy ego. In contrast, compassion does not putyou above or below the other person.Compassion is always selfless and ego-busting.Itisalsoalwayswholesome.

Thefarenemiesofaltruisticjoyarejealousyandenvy.Altruisticjoyhastwonear enemies. The first is the type of joy for others that is tinged withidentification of “I,” “me,” or “mine.” For example, when a young person

workingformegetspromoted,IsaytomyselfthatI’mhappyforhim,whichistrue, but I’m also happy because his approval by the promotion committeereflectswellonme,theboss.SothatjoyIhaveforthisyoungman’spromotionis tinged with it looking good on me because he is “my” guy, and this isthereforenotaltruisticjoy.Thesecondnearenemyofaltruisticjoyisrejoicinginthe unwholesome joy of others (and also of self, for that matter).6 If, forexample,somebodyexperiencesjoyfromabusinganarcotic,orsomebodyelseiscelebratingthejoyofgettingfilthyrichbycheatinglittleoldladiesoutoftheirlife savings and/or causing a global financialmeltdown, then no, rejoicing forthemisnotwholesome.Thereasonisthesourcesoftheirjoyarecontaminatedwithgreed,illwill,ortheseedsoffuturesufferingforthemselvesandforothers,making those sources unwholesome. To rejoice in joy from unwholesomesources is itself unwholesome, meta-unwholesome even. It is therefore notaltruistic joy. Like loving-kindness and compassion, altruistic joy is alwaysselflessandwholesome.

Thefarenemiesofequanimityarementalfactorsthatcauseagitationinthemind,suchasrestlessness,anxiety,craving,andhatred.Equanimityhastwonearenemies. The first is disengagement, whenwe simply ignorewhat we do notwant to see. The second near enemy of equanimity is apathy. Withdisengagement, aperson ignoresanddoesn’t see;withapathy, theperson seesbut doesn’t care. In truth, equanimity both sees and cares.Remember thatwepractice equanimity alongside the other three sublime states, so it does seehappiness and suffering, it cares about happiness and suffering (our own andothers’), and at the same time, it involves calmness and clarity.Equanimity isunperturbedbyallthepleasureandpainthatpassesthroughthemind.Toequate

equanimity with disengagement or apathy is like equating courage with safedistance.Ifwefeelbraveonlywhenweareasafedistanceawayfromdanger,thatisnotcourage.Inthesameway,ifwefeelcalmonlywhenwestopcaring,thatisnotequanimity.

Once you learn to recognize the near enemies of loving-kindness,compassion,altruisticjoy,andequanimityforwhattheyreallyare,thenyouwillnot end up like one of those situations in a bad horror movie where theprotagonistunknowinglymarriesthemurderouseviltwinofhistruelove,andhedoesn’tevenknowthatshehasatwinuntilneartheendofthemovie,bywhichtimeheisalreadytrappedinalockedroomwithnothingtodefendhimselfwithexcept a deadly weapon somehow lying conveniently on the floor. You canavoidthatfate.

SoThat’sWhyThey’reCalledHeartQualities

It turns out that the sublime states have a lot to do with the physical heart.Physiologically, we usually experience them in the region around the heart,whichiswhytheyarecalledheartqualities.Infact,thebrainandthehearthaveclose functional connections with each other, a phenomenon fancily calledneurocardiac coupling. In the experienceof the sublime states, thisbrain-heartconnection shows up especially strong. The main conduit is the vagus nerve,which also helps regulate heart rate, blood pressure, glucose levels, immune

response, and many other things. In a state of kindness or compassion, forexample,yourvagusnervegetsactivated.One thing thatdoes is it relaxes themusclesaroundtheheart,soyouexperiencethephysicalsensationof“openingof the heart.” So the experience of “kindness opening my heart” has aneurologicalexplanation,andsomeofyouthoughtitwasjusthippiebullshit.

Frequent activation of the vagus nerve turns out to be very good for yourphysical health. If you often have thoughts of kindness, compassion, andaltruistic joy,youactivate thevagusnerve a lot, andafter awhile, yourvagaltone improves.7 High vagal tone is correlatedwith a healthy heart,while lowvagal tone predicts heart failure and mortality after heart attacks. High vagaltone increases resilience to stress and the likelihood of positive emotionalexperiencessuchasjoy,interest,serenity,andhope.8Italsoshowsupsocially.Peoplewithstrongvagal tonedevelopricherrelationshipsand, fascinating,aremorelikelytobetrustedinstinctivelybyotherpeople.9Somehow,weknowtotrustpeoplewithstrongvagaltone.Asifallthatisnotgoodenough,peoplewithhighvagaltonesalsodemonstratesuperiorcognitiveflexibility,includingbetterworking memory and directed attention. They also show fewer negativeresponsestoenvironmentalstressorsandshowgreaterself-regulatorycapacity.10

Many years ago, when the Dalai Lama first became interested in helpingscientistsstudyBuddhistmeditationscientifically,heinvitedagroupofTibetanBuddhistmonks in amonastery in India to become experimental subjects.Ofcourse,TibetanBuddhistmonks sortofdon’t sayno to . . . er . . . invitationsfromtheDalaiLama.AteamofWesternscientists,includingthedistinguishedChileanneuroscientistFranciscoVarela,visitedthemonkswiththeirequipmentand, through an interpreter, tried to explain to the monks what they wereattemptingtodo.Theytoldthemonksthattheywantedtomeasurecompassion,and to demonstrate, Francisco put on an EEG cap that measures electricalactivityonthesurfaceofthebrain.Allthemonksthenburstoutlaughing.ThescientistsassumedthemonkswerelaughingbecauseFranciscolookedsillywithanEEGcapon.Butno,that’snotwhytheywerelaughing.ThescientistssoonfoundoutthatthemonkswerealllaughingbecausetheythoughttheWesternerswerebeingsilly,becauseiftheywantedtomeasurecompassion,theyshouldbemeasuringtheheart,notthehead.Duh.Thescientistswereaghastandattributeditto“culturaldifferences,”implyingthatthemonksdidn’tknowwhattheyweretalkingabout.Manyyearslater,withthebenefitofnewscientificunderstandingintotheneurocardiaceffectsofcompassion,wenowknowthatthemonkswereright.NeverunderestimatearoomfuloflaughingBuddhistmonks.

SelflessLove,aShortPoem

Iwouldliketoendthischapterwithapoemthatbeautifullycapturesthespiritofthe sublime states. Itwas sharedwithmeby the reveredCatholicBenedictinemonkBrotherDavidSteindl-Rast,bestknownforhisteachingsongratefulness.IseeBrotherDavidasarealbrother,sothemostconvenientthingaboutBrotherDavidisthathehasaself-documentingname,atleasttome.

BrotherDavidtoldmeof thispoemthatdescribestherelationshipbetweenself and other as selfless love gains strength. ForBrotherDavid, “other” hererefers toGod,but itmayalso refer to anythingelse: theuniverse,Nirvana,orotherpeople.

Inthebeginning,thereisonlyself,thereisnoother.Andthen,thereisself,andthereisother.Lateron,selfandotherareone,thereisnoseparation.Finally,thereisnoself,thereisonlyother.

CHAPTERSIX

HappinessIsFullofCrapWorkingwithEmotionalPain

Greatspiritualteacherstendtobefunnypeople,andsometimes,theyeventalkshit. I know of at least two analogies of the meditative mind that involveexcrement.Inone,themindiscomparedtoapieceofpuregoldhiddeninsideabig ball of cattle dung.The gold represents themind in its underlying nature,perfect and happy,while the cattle dung represents themental conditions thathindertheperfect,happynatureofthemind.Thegoldisalreadythere—itdoesnothavetobecreated,soallwehavetodotogettothegoldiswashawaythecattledung.Similarly,happinessisalreadythere,sowedon’thavetocreatethemental conditions for happiness; we merely have to remove the mentalconditionsthathinderhappiness.

Theotheranalogyisthestoryofamansteppinginabigpileofdogpooponhiswayhome.Thesolesofhisshoesarenowfullofdogpoop,andhecaneitherwalkintothehousewiththoseshoesanddirtyhiscarpetwithdogpoop,orhecanwashhisshoes inhisbackyard, therebyusingthedogpooptofertilize thesoil.Thedogpooprepresentsthesuffering(thebadshit)inourlives.Whenbad

thingshappentous,wecanchoosetoeitherletoursufferingpermanentlystinkup our lives, like the man who tracks dog poop through his house, or let itpromote our spiritual growth, like themanwho turns the dog poop into lawnfertilizer.

In life, painful emotions are unavoidable. We grow old, we get sick, weexperience physical pain, and we face death (our own and that of our lovedones).Also,veryoften,lifeforcesustobewiththingsthatwegreatlydislike,oritpreventsusfromgettingwhatwedesperatelywant,orwelosewhatwehavethat is dear to us. In every case, some emotional pain is unavoidable. EvenMatthieuRicard,the“happiestmanintheworld,”withsixtythousandhoursofmindtrainingandcounting,tellsmethatitisimpossibletobejoyfulallthetime,becausepainanddifficultiesinlifeareinevitableandthereissomuchsufferingeverywhere. Therefore, as we train ourselves in the art of joy, it is equallyimportanttoalsolearnsuffering.Themeditatorwholearnsjoywithoutlearningsufferingislikethefighterwholearnstoattackwithoutlearningtodefend—hertrainingisgrosslyincomplete.

Inthischapter,wewilluseinnerpeace,innerjoy,innerclarity,andloving-kindnesstoworkwithsuffering.Isuggesttherearethreestepsindoingthat:anattentionalstep,anaffectivestep,andacognitivestep.

Thesestepsareusefulinallsituationsinvolvingemotionalpain,whetheryoufeelsad,orangry,orhumiliated,orbetrayed,orhateful,oranyotherbadshit.Wewilldiscussthesestepsinsomedetail.Sometimes,however,ourdifficultiesaresointenseandtheemotionalpainissoseverethateventhesethreestepsfail.Intimeslikethose,wepracticetheartofsuffering.

Step1inWorkingwithEmotionalPain:TheAttentionalStep

Thefirststepinworkingwithemotionalpaincanbesummarizedinthreewords:calmthemind.

WheneverIamafflictedwithapainfulemotion, theveryfirst thingIdoiscalmthemind.Idothisbydeployingmyattention.Iturnmymindfulnessontofullpower,andthenIbringattentiontomybreath,awayfromthethoughtsthatare fuelingmypain.Sometimes it takesa second, sometimes it takesminutes,but eitherway, simplybybringinggentlebut intense attention to thebreath, I

calmmymind.BackinChapter2,wetalkedabouthowthisworks.Bringingattentiontothe

breath calms themind in twoways, one physiological and one psychological.Physiologically,attendingtothebreathmakesitsloweranddeeperandtherebystimulates the vagus nerve, which then launches the relaxation response.Psychologically,attendingtothebreathintenselybringsthemindtothepresent,awayfrompastandfuture,andsotemporarilyfreesthemindfromregret(aboutthe past) andworry (about the future). Under normal conditions, it is easy tocalmthemindbyattendingtothebreath,butitishardertodosounderstressfulconditions,preciselywhenyouneeditthemost.Fortunately,ifyoupracticeitalot under normal conditions, then in times of need, in themidst of emotionalpain,youwillbeabletoactivateitinstinctively.Itislikegoingtothegymalottobuildupyourstrength—ifyou thenfindyourselfhangingfromacliff,yourphysicalstrength isavailable toyou topullyourselfup.Similarly, training the“muscles”ofyourattentionwillmakeyourattentionalpowersavailabletoyouwhenyoufindyourselfinverypainfulsituations.

Howhelpfuliscalmingthemindinthemidstofpain?Letmeillustratewithanancientstory.

OnceuponatimeinIndia,therewasawomancalledPatacara.Shewasthebeloveddaughterofawealthymerchant.Whenshewas sixteenyearsold, shefellinlovewithoneofherfather’sservants,andtheyeloped.

The young couple lived a hard life in a village far away.When Patacarabecamepregnant,shebeggedherhusbandtotakehertoherparents’houseinthetownofSavatthitogivebirth.Herefused.

Sooneday,whileherhusbandwasaway,shemadethetripunilaterally.Herhusbandmanagedtocatchupwithherandpleadedwithhertoreturnhome,butsherefused.BeforetheyreachedSavatthi,though,shegavebirthtoason.

HavingnomorereasontogotoSavatthi,theyturnedbackandheadedhometothevillage.WhenPatacarabecamepregnantagain,shemadethesamerequestto her husband, and again he refused. So once again,while hewas away, shemade the trip to Savatthi without him, taking her son along. Once again, thehusbandcaughtupwithher, triedpersuadingher to turnback,andonceagain,sherefused.

Onthisday,therewasanunseasonablyheavythunderstorm.Thehusbandsetout to chop somewood tomake Patacara a shelter.While doing that, hewaskilledbyapoisonoussnake.Meanwhile,Patacaragavebirthtoasecondson.Inthemorning,shefoundherhusbandlyingdead.Distraught,sheblamedherselffor his death. She continued on her journey toSavatthi andwas blocked by ariverthatwasswollenduetotheheavyrain.Unabletocrosswithbothchildrenatonce,shelefttheolderoneontheshoreandcarriedthebabyacross,planningtocomebackfor theolderone.Halfwayonherreturn,aneagle tookthebabyaway for food. Patacara screamed at the eagle.When the older boy heard thescreams,hethoughthismotherwascallingforhim,soheenteredtheriverandwassweptawaybythestrongcurrent.Totallydistraught,PatacaracontinuedherjourneytoSavatthiandfoundoutherparentsandheronlybrotherhadallbeenkilledaftertheirhousecollapsedduringthestormthepreviousday.Inasingleday,Patacaralosteverybodydeartoher.Inextremepain,shewentstarkcrazy,toreupherownclothesandstartedwanderingthestreetsofSavatthihalfnaked.

Eventually,PatacarawanderedintothegrovewheretheBuddhawasstaying.WhentheBuddhasawher,thefirstthinghesaidtoherwas,“Friend,calmyourmind.” Patacara responded. She calmed her mind, regained her senses, andsuddenlyrealizedshewashalfnaked.Somebodyofferedherasetofrobes,andshe quickly wrapped them around herself. Her healing had begun. Patacaraeventually gained enlightenment and became one of the most noted femaleBuddhistmonastics.

IlearnedofthisstoryalongtimeagowhenIwasanovicemeditator.Itwassostark,Ihaveneverforgottenit,andthelessonstuckpermanentlyinmymind,whichisthatnomatterhowbadthepainis,nomatterhowhorriblethesituationisalways,firstandforemost,trytocalmthemind.

Step2inWorkingwithEmotionalPain:TheAffectiveStep

This step deals with the feeling of the emotionally painful experience. Theprevious attentional step is necessary, but often insufficient. It is necessary

becausewithoutfirstcalmingthemind,youcan’tbegintocopewiththedifficultemotion,but it is insufficientbecause,quiteoften, theemotionwillcomebacksoonafteryoustopactivelycalmingthemind.Whenthathappens,thisaffectivestepisrequired.

Therearetwopartstothisstep.Thefirstistobewillingtoexperiencejoyinthe midst of emotional pain. The second is to be willing to experience theemotionalpainitself.

WillingnesstoExperienceJoyDoes it surprise you to hear that it is possible to access moments of pure,unadulterated joy in the middle of emotional pain? It surprised me. In thepreviouschapters,wetalkedabouteasingintojoy,attendingtojoy,andupliftingthemindwith joy—inotherwords, the ability to access joyondemandundernormal (non-painful) circumstances, both in meditation and in daily life. Thefact that it is possible to access joy on demand in those circumstances wassurprising enough tome. So Iwas astonished to discover that it is sometimespossible,tosomedegree,evenunderverypainfulcircumstances.

AsIdevelopedmoreskillataccessing joy inmeditation, I realizedIcoulddoitevenwhenIhadacrappydayandIwasfeelingsad,angry,ordisheartened.Sometimes,allIhavetodoiscalmthemindand,loandbehold,themindeasesinto joy, sometimes for minutes, sometimes for the rest of the day. At othertimes, Imeditate on loving-kindness and this uplifts themind into joy, again,sometimesjustforafewminutes,sometimesformuchlonger.

I learned two things from this experience. First, I learned, as the mastershavetaughtoverthousandsofyears,thatpeaceandjoyarethedefaultstatesofmind. They don’t have to be created—they just need to be accessed. Themindinitspeacefulandjoyousstateislikethemoon—theemotionsthathinderpeace and joy such as sadness and hatred are like dark clouds in the skyobscuringthemoon.Thedarkcloudsonlyobscurethemoon,notdestroyit,andthemereabsenceofthedarkcloudswillrevealthemoon.Similarly,thepainfulemotionsmerelyobscurethedefaultpeaceandjoyofmind,notdestroythem,sothemere absence,orparting,of thepainful emotionswill revealmentalpeaceandjoy.Toaccesspeaceandjoy,wedon’thavetodoanythingexceptletgoofthepainfulemotionsthatobscurethem.Second,Ilearnedthateventhoughpeaceand joy are thedefault statesofmind, accessing them isnot always easy, andsometimes,isnotevenpossible.AndevenifIcanaccessthem,Icannotalways

maintain that access in the midst of painful emotions. Sometimes, the accesslastsnomorethanaminuteorevenjustafewseconds.Ondifficultdays, it islike doing a handstand: just doing it is hard; maintaining it for more than aminute is even harder. On impossible days, it is like trying to see a moonthroughcloudsinathunderstorm—onesimplyhasnochoicebuttohunkerdownandwaitfortheweathertochange.

The mind accessing joy in the midst of great emotional difficulties isillustratedbyabeautifulZenparableinvolvingatigerandastrawberry.

TheTigerandtheStrawberry

Onceuponatime,amanwasbeingchasedbyahungrytiger.

Asheran,hefelloffasteepcliff,butjustashewasfalling,hemanagedtograbholdofabranchgrowingontheedgeofthecliff.Thatstoppedhisfall.Hewasalive,fornow,buthewasalsostuckinaprecarioussituation.Hecouldnotletgoofthebranch,becauseifhedid,hewouldfalla thousandfeet tohisdeath.Healsocouldnotclimbbackupbecausethetigerwaswaitingforhimatthetopofthecliffonlyafewfeetabovehim.

As he was hanging on precariously, two mice appeared andstartedgnawingawayat theverybranchhewasholdingon to fordearlife.

Justthen,themannoticedastrawberryneartohim.

He reached out, plucked the strawberry, and ate it. It wasdelicious.

This famous parable illustrates mental peace and joy in the middle ofimpossibledifficultiesinlife.Whenwedeveloptheskillstoeasethemindintojoy, attend to joy as it arises, and uplift themind, then even in themiddle ofgreatdifficulty,wemaysometimesfindmomentswhenwecanaccesspeaceandjoy.Eachmoment of peace and joy in themidst of emotional pain is like theoccasionaloasisinavastdesert.Theoasesletyoucrossthedesert.Inthesameway, having access tomoments of peace and joy lets you navigate emotionaldifficulties,evenwhentheyarevast.

Thatwasaparable.Howdoesitlookinreallife?IlearnedthisfromaNobelPeacePrizewinnernamedRigobertaMenchúTum.

JustBecauseYou’reinPainDoesn’tMeanYouCan’tBeJoyful

Rigoberta was awarded the Nobel Peace Prize in 1992 for her life’s work inpromotinghumanrights.WhenImether,Ifoundhertobeexactlywhatyou’dexpect of a stereotypical Nobel Peace Prize winner: she was wise, kind, andjoyful.Sheisfriendlytoeveryoneandtreatseveryonewithkindness.Shegivespeopleahugesmileandwarmhugs.Sheisburstingwithjoy.Rightbeneaththesurface,however,thereisahugereservoirofpain.Herfatherwasburnedalive.Hermotherwasrapedandtorturedbeforeshedied.Herbrotherwasmurdered.She lost her youngest son. Shewatchedmany thousands of people oppressed,tortured,andmurdered.WhenIrealizedtheamountofpainshewasholding,Iwanted to cry.Oneof the signsof truegreatness is the ability to hold a largeamountofpain, not justwith courage andequanimity,but alsowithkindness,compassion, and joy. Rigoberta showed me what greatness looks like. I wasmoved.

WhileIwasonstagewithRigoberta,Iaskedherwherethatgreatnesscomesfrom.Is itsomethingshewasbornwith,or is itsomethingshegrewinto?Shesaid it comes fromdeep spiritual practice, and in her case, practices fromherownMayantradition.(SheisfromGuatemala.)Offstage,whileweweretakingawalk, she pointed tome and said, “You know,myMayan spirituality, not sodifferentfromyourBuddhistspirituality.”Webothlaughed.

ThemeetingwithRigoberta ledme to an important insight concerning therelationshipbetweenjoyandoverwhelmingpain.Irealizedthatjoyandpaincanexist solidly side by side.When joy is much stronger than pain, the joy candisplacethepain,butwhenthepainissostrongitcannotbedisplaced,thenthejoycanexistalongsidethepainwithoutdisplacingitordissolvingitaway.Therehavebeendarkperiods inmy lifewhen Ihavesuffered tremendousemotionalpain, and at the same time, thanks tomymental training, I have been able toaccessgenuinejoyintermittentlyinthemidstofthepain.Sometimes,thosetwothings,thepainthatwassounbearablethatIwantedtodieandthejoythatfilledupmy entire mind, appeared just minutes apart from each other. Until I metRigoberta,itmadenosensetomeatall.Whydidthejoynotdissolveawaythepain?Conversely,ifthepainwassobad,whydiditnotdissolveawaythejoy?IthoughtIwasgoingcrazy(morethanusual,Imean).

Rigoberta’sexamplehadansweredmyquestion.Sheshowedmethatwhenpainisoverwhelming,joydoesnotdissolveawaythepain.Instead,itbecomesaskillful container for the pain, limiting its damage and allowing the healingprocesstowork.Itisalittlelikeputtingacastaroundyourlegwhenyouhaveaseriousfracture.Itpreventsfurtherdamageandallowsthelegtohealovertime.

Rigobertademonstratedtome,byherownexample,howonecanholdimmensepain,gently,withjoy.

Themutualinsolubilityofjoyandpainhasanotherimportantconsequence,whichmyverydear friend and fifteen-timeNobelPeacePrizenomineeDawnEngleputsverynicely:“Justbecauseyou’reinpaindoesn’tmeanyoucannotbejoyful.”

Thekeylesson,myfriends:neverbeafraidtoexperiencejoyinthemidstofgreatpain.

WillingnesstoExperiencetheEmotionalPainComplementingthewillingnesstoexperiencejoyinthemidstofemotionalpainisthewillingnesstoexperiencetheemotionalpainitself.

Emotional pain has two components: the feelings experienced in the bodyandthethoughtsthatsparkandthenfuelthecontinuationofthosefeelings.Weexperience emotion in the body, so we must work with them in the body.Difficult emotions always involve unpleasant sensations in the body. Forexample,when I’mdistressed,my face tenses up, Imay feel the urge to shedtears,andIhaveanextremelyunpleasantfeelinginmychestandstomach.Myheartpounds,mybody tensesup, I feel sick in the stomach, and I feel averyuncomfortableconstrictioninmychest.Thewillingnesstoexperienceemotionalpain is, in largepart, thewillingness to experiencegreatunpleasantness in thebody.

Therearefourstepstoworkingwithpainfulemotionsinthebody.Thefirstistoclearlyperceivethattheseemotionsarejustunpleasantsensationsinthe

body.ThisanguishIamfeelingissimplyaterriblyunpleasantsensationinmyface,mythroat,myshoulders,mychest,andmystomach.Itisonthesamelevelasatoothache—theyarebothsimplyterriblyunpleasantbodilysensations,thatisall.Thesecondstepistorecognizethecentralroleplayedbyaversion.Whenweexperienceanunpleasantbodilysensation,thesensationleadstoperception,theperception leads toaversion, and theaversion leads to suffering.Wedon’tlike feeling this way. We think we can’t stand to feel this way. The mostimportant insight here is that aversion is the proximate cause of suffering.Therefore, to reduceor eliminate suffering, thepointof attack is aversion: themorethisaversioncanbereduced,thelesssufferingoneexperiences,despitethesensation and perception of emotional pain. In other words, the feeling(sensation and perception) is the same, but the feeling about the feeling isdifferent. The third step is to apply the first antidote to aversion: loving-kindness.Byseeingthepainfulemotionclearlyforwhatitis(bodilysensations)and then applying loving-kindness both to the emotion and to the self, onebeginstosoothethepain.

ThereisanoldIndianparablethatillustratesthispointintheformofafunstory.Onceuponatime,therewasamonstercalledAngerMonsterthatfedonanger.Hefoundplentyoffoodinthehumanrealm,andhelivedwell.

One day, on his vacation, he traveled to the heavenly realm and, quite byaccident, discovered that even the gods get angry, and their anger tastedheavenly.

Hedecidedhewantedtofeastontheangerofthegods,buthowdoesonegetplentyofgodsangryallatonce?AngerMonsterdiscoveredthatSakra,thekingof gods, was away, perhaps on some sort of business trip, so AngerMonsterdecided to sit on Sakra’s throne.When the gods found out, they got angry athim. They all came to Sakra’s throne, screamed at Anger Monster, anddemanded thathe leave.AngerMonster fedonall their anger, andbetter still,thankstoalltheheavenlyvitaminsandmineralsintheangerofthegods,everytimeAngerMonsterfedonagod’sanger,hegrewbigger.Soon,hewassobigthatnoneofthegodscoulddoanythingtohim.Sometimelater,Sakrareturnedfromhistriptofindaginormousmonstersittingonhisthrone.

Ohno,whattodo?Fortunately,theheavenlykingwaswise.First,heclearlysaw Anger Monster for what he was, and then he treated the monster withloving-kindness. He spoke kindly and lovingly to Anger Monster, and witheverywordhespoke,themonstergotalittlesmaller.Eventually,AngerMonstershrunktothesizeofapea,andthewisekinggentlytookhimoffthethrone.

Ifitistoohardtobringuploving-kindnesstowardyourselforyoursituation,trydoingitforsomebodyforwhomitiseasyforyoutohaveunconditionallove,becausethatfeelingalonewillgosomewayinsoothingemotionalpain.

Thefourthandfinalsteptoworkingwithpainfulemotionsinthebodyistoapply the second antidote to aversion: equanimity. Having applied loving-kindness, I try to apply equanimity by keeping my attention on the level ofsensationasmuchaspossible, justwatching thesensations inmybody.Everynow and then, I remind myself, these emotions that I feel, they are simplysensationsinmybody—theseemotionsarenotme.Inaddition,thosethoughtsthat come alongside these bodily sensations, they are simply thoughts—thesethoughtsarealsonotme.Themindislikethesky,andthoughtsarelikecloudsinthesky—thecloudsarenotthesky.Similarly,thesethoughtsarenotthemind—they are not me. By coping in this way, seeing emotions simply as bodilysensations, and thoughts simply as a streamofmental phenomena, I allow allthesefeelingsandallthesethoughtstooccupymybodyandmind.Iallowthemtostayaslongastheywant,causeasmuchpainastheywant.AllIdoiswatchthemwithequanimity.Somemeditatorscallit“sittinginthefire.”

Jonathan Berent, a director at Google (whom we met in the introduction,settinghiswatchtoremindhimtobreathe),describeshowequanimitychangedhisexperienceofpainduringaparticularlydifficulttime:

My journey to joy on demand has not been without some reallyseriousthingstodealwith.Ayearago,mywifeandIlearnedthatshewouldneedtohavethreeseparate,unrelatedsurgeries.Oneoftheserequiredsixweeksoffwork torecoverandanall-liquiddiet

duringthat time.Another, toremoveabenigncyst fromunderherarm, meant she couldn’t drive for at least a month. I had beenpracticingmindfulnessmeditation foronlyaboutsixmonthsat thetime, but evenwith this limited amount of practice, I was able towitness thestress, the frustration,and the feararise in themind.Isoonrealized,whenIletmymindidentifywiththeseemotions,Iwasnotpresentformywife.However,whenIsimplywitnessedthemascloudsintheskyofmymind,Ifoundadeeperrealitybehindthem.Compassion.WhenIletgoofmyfear,mythoughtsof“God,whyallthis?Whyallatonce?”IfoundIcouldlovemywifewithalevelofdepthandempathyshehadnotexperiencedbefore.

Nowallthreesurgeriesandrecoveryperiodsarebehindus.Mywiferecentlysaid,“Ithinkthisyearofmarriagehasbeenthebest.”Holyshit.AndIhundred-percentagreewithher.1

Insummary,theaffectivestepbeginswiththewillingnesstoexperiencejoyin the midst of emotional pain, allowing the joy to surface whenever andwherever it wants. After that, cultivate the willingness to experience theemotional pain itself. Do this by perceiving the affective experience of theemotionalpaininitscomponentparts(bodilysensations,thoughts,andaversion)clearly, just as they are. Then, apply loving-kindness to yourself as much aspossible;thensitwithwhateverbodilysensationsandthoughtsyouexperience,doing so in stillness and equanimity, allowing all those bodily sensations andthoughtstocomeandgo,knowingthattheyarenotyou.

Step3inWorkingwithEmotionalPain:TheCognitiveStep

The cognitive step in working with emotional pain involves rethinking thesituation that brought about the emotional pain. It is about taking the skillfulperspective, seeing the big picture without our objectivity being clouded byafflictive emotions. It very often involves reframing or reinterpreting themeaningofthesituationwithtwothings:objectivityandcompassion.Thisstepisoftennecessarybecauseifweonlytaketheattentionalandaffectivesteps,the

underlying causes of the emotional pain likely remain unresolved, andunresolved issues often strike back. The cognitive step is about dealing withunderlying issues in the most objective and compassionate way that, to theextentpossible,benefitseverybody.

Cognitivereappraisalisoftenrequiredforonesimplereason:ourperceptionofrealityisoftenseriouslyflawed.First,theinformationwegatherisnecessarilyincompletebecausethereisaseverelimittohowmanythingswecanperceiveandpayattention to at anyone time.Howsevere? Inoneof themost famousexperimentsinpsychology,researchersfromHarvardUniversityaskedpeopletowatchashortvideo inwhichsixpeoplepassbasketballsaroundandhad themcount thenumberofpassesmadeby the threepeople inwhite shirts.At somepointinthevideo,somebodyinagorillasuitwalkedrightintothemiddleoftheaction, faced thecamera, and then left.Fullyhalf thepeoplewhowatched thevideoandcountedthepassesmissedthegorilla.2

To make things worse, we often unconsciously fill in the missinginformationwithour imaginationand thenourbrainsdon’t take the trouble todifferentiate between imagination and facts. In other words, our brains oftenmakecrapupand thenpretend thecrap is real.Evenworse,ourbrainshaveastrongnegativebias.Theyperceivethings thataffectusnegativelymuchmorestrongly than things thataffectuspositively.Forexample, imagineyouareanauthor and your first book has a hundred reviews on Amazon.com, of whichseventy-five are five-star reviews, and only two are one-star reviews. Guesswhichreviewsyoupaythemostattentionto?No,Idon’tknowwhereIgotthisexample—Imusthavemadeitup.

Onemajorconsequenceofourseriouslyflawedperceptionofrealityisthatitcreatesalotofunnecessarysuffering,anditdoessoinatleastthreeways.First,itdamagesourrelationships.Weoften judgeothersby jumping toconclusionsabouttheirintentionsbasedontheeffectstheiractionshaveonus,whichoftenaremorenegativethantheiractualintentions.Forexample,ourfeelingsarehurtandwe assume the personmeant to hurt our feelings. That hurts our feelingsevenmore,not tomention leavesus thinking,“Thatperson isa jerk.”Clearly,thishurtsourrelationshipwiththatperson,whomayinfactbehorrifiedtoknowourfeelingswerehurt.

Second, thewaywejudgeourselves tendstobefarmorenegativethanthefactscanjustify.IrealizedIsufferfromthismyselfinacomicalway.WheneverIdosomethingimportant, thereisalwaysapartofmeconvincedI’mgoingtomessitup.Onetime,Iwasabouttodeliveramajorspeech,andItoldmybestfriend,Rich,“I’msogoingtofruitthisup”(whichmeanstomessthingsupbad,in case you have to ask). Beingmy best friend, Rich got sick of hearingmesayingoverandoveragainthatI’mgoingtofruitsomethingup,sohedecidedtoappeal to theengineer inmeandaskedme,“Showmethedata:whenwas thelast time in a similar situationyou seriously fruitedup?” I hadno answer.Hewasright—thedatadidnotjustifythedegreeofthenegativitywithwhichIsawmyself.

Third,ourseriouslyflawedperceptionofrealityleadsustobefarlesshappythan our life circumstances justify becausewe tend to downplay the positivesandoverplaythenegativesinourlives.AsthecomedianLouisC.K.famouslysaid to Conan O’Brien, “Everything is amazing right now, and nobody’shappy.”3

Again, I have a comical example. Many years ago, a young person from

Singapore received her first credit card,whichwas kind of a big deal for herbecause personal credit control used to be very tight in Singapore, so youngpeopleheragedidn’tusuallyearnenoughtoqualifyforcreditcards.Whensheopeneduptheenvelope,shewasveryexcited,butitonlytookafewsecondsforherexcitedsmiletoturnintoafrown.Why?Becausetheprettynewcreditcardhadsomelightscratches.Herbrainhadquicklydownplayedthejoyofherhard-earnedfinancialvictoryandoverplayed thenegativityofa few lightscratches.Sheaskedmewhattodo,soIsaidtoher,“Doyouknowhowbigtheuniverseis?Theneareststartooursisfourlight-yearsaway.Ifwetravelatthespeedoflight, it’llbe fouryearsbeforewe reachanother star.Ourgalaxy is ahundredthousandlight-years indiameter,containingmillionsandmillionsofstars.Thenearestspiralgalaxy toours, theAndromedaGalaxy, is2.5million light-yearsaway.Ifwetravelatlightspeedfromtheedgeofourgalaxytothatgalaxy,wecan travel for 2.5 million years, twenty-five times longer than the entireexistenceofHomosapiens,andallwe’llencounterisspace.Nothingbutspace.And that’s just the distance between two closest galaxies. There are probablymillionsof thesegalaxies in the universe.Theuniverse is unimaginablyhuge.Andbackhereonearth,onewoman is concernedabout light scratchesonhercreditcard.”Shelaughedandwasnolongerupset.

Given all that, it is skillful to cognitively reappraise every situation thatcausesussufferingbecauseitisverylikelythatatleastsomelargepercentageofour suffering originates from some amount of imperfection in perception. Isuggestreappraisinginsixways:

1. Withkindnessandcompassiontoothers.Ifyouremotionalpainiscausedby theactionsofanotherperson, it isbest todo loving-kindness towardthatsameperson, remindingyourself that thisperson is likeme in threeways:sheishuman,justlikeme;shewantstobehappy,justlikeme;shewantstobefreefromsuffering,justlikeme.Keepthatinmindandgiveherthebenefitofthedoubt.

2. With kindness and compassion to yourself. See yourself in the eyes ofyourcaringbestfriend.Yourbestfriendwouldverylikelytellyouthingsarenotnearlyasbadasyouthink,andobjectively,heorsheislikelytobe more accurate than you. Keep that in mind and give yourself thebenefitofthedoubt.

3. Bynotbelievingeverythingyouthink.Rememberthat thebraindoesn’t

usuallydifferentiatebetweenimaginationandfact.Keepthatinmindandalwaysbewillingtobewrong.

4. By seeing the long term and the big picture. In the long term, everymistake is anopportunity for learning andgrowth. It is alsogood tobealways aware that someday we will die—it puts things in properperspective.

5. By seeing everything for themiracle that it is. Zenmaster ThichNhatHanhpoeticallysays,“Therealmiracleisnottowalkeitheronwaterorin thinair,but towalkonearth.Everydayweareengagedinamiraclewhichwedon’t even recognize: a blue sky,white clouds, green leaves,theblack,curiouseyesofachild—ourowntwoeyes.Allisamiracle.”4Or, asLouisC.K.put it, lesspoeticallybutmorehumorouslywhenhetalked about people complaining on airplanes, “Did you partake in themiracle of human flight, you noncontributing zero?You got to fly! It’samazing!Everybodyoneveryplaneshouldjustconstantlybegoing‘OhmyGod!Wow!’You’reflying!You’resittinginachair,inthesky!”5

6. Withjoyandhumor.Because,like,whynot?

BeingVeryGoodatWorkingWithEmotionalPain

The three steps for working with emotional pain (the attentional step, theaffective step, and the cognitive step)work bestwhen executed in that order.Withouttheattentionalsteptocalmthemind,theothertwostepsareimpossible,butthatattentionalstepisusuallyonlythebeginning.Theaffectivestepisoftennecessary, but it doesn’t always resolve theunderlying causes of the problem.Thecognitivestepisusuallyneededtoresolveunderlyingissuesortheproblemwill keep coming back, but this step cannot be taken when judgment is stillcloudedbyemotionalpain,andthereforeitneedstorelyontheothertwosteps.

What is it like to be very good at doing this? I can think of at least twopeople who excel at working with emotional pain, both of whom are Zenteachers,oneofwhomIknowinpersonandtheotherbeingoneofthegreatestZen masters in history. The one I know is a dear friend whom I admire, a

meditation teacher deeply influenced by Zen, Soryu Forall. One thing I mostadmireabouthimisthewayhehelpspeopleinpain.Inhisjobasameditationteacher,peoplebring theirpain tohimall the time.When somebody tellshimhowsheissuffering,Soryumakeshimselffullyvulnerable,openshisownbodyandmindtoallhersuffering,andforamoment,hesuffersexactlylikeshedoes.Fromthat lowpoint,heallowshispractice to resolve thesuffering inhimself,and as he does, he describes what is happening in such a way that the otherpersonunderstandshowtodoit.I’mawedbyhismethodology.Itis,tome,themostdifficultandalso themosteffectiveway tohelpothers inpain. It isalsocountertomyowntraining.Manyyearsago,whenIreceivedsometrainingincounseling,Iwastoldtonevertakeontheotherperson’spainbecauseifIdidthat,allIwoulddowastransfersomeoftheotherperson’spaintomyself,soshewouldfeelbetter,butIwouldfeelworse,andtherewouldbenonetgainintheworld. In contrast,Soryumakeshimself asvulnerable ashe canand isutterlywithout resistance to the pain. He is totally open to it. He doesn’t resist itsarisingoritspassing.

WhydoesSoryudothis?Hetoldmeitwasbecauseofaconversationhehadwith a Zen master midway through his Zen training that changed his life. Itstartedwhenheaskedthemasteraninnocentquestion,“Doesabuddhaeverfeelsad?”Thatis,ofcourse,asillyquestionforaBuddhist.EveryBuddhistknowsthattheanswerisno.Abuddhaisonewhohasperfectedthemindineverywayandis therefore totally immunefromallsuffering,soobviously,abuddhawillneverfeelsad.ThemasterofferedSoryuasurprisinganswer.Hesaid,“Whenabuddhameets a sadperson, thebuddhabecomes sad foronemoment.Why isthis? Because if he didn’t, the sad person would have no way to meet thebuddha.”Fromthatdayon,Soryudecidedhewouldnotshieldhimselffromthesufferingofotherpeople.Hewouldreceivetheirsufferingandworkhiswayoutof that suffering togetherwith them, because if he isn’twilling to sufferwiththem,hewouldnotbeabletohelpthem.Heaskshimself,“IfIamnotwillingandabletoescapefromthissuffering,howcanItellthemhowto?”

Soryu shows the courage of compassion, but more important, hedemonstrates his confidence in the practice. He iswilling to descend into thedepthsofpainbecauseheisconfidentofbeingabletoflybackoutthankstothestrengthofhispractice.Whathepracticesissimilartowhatyouhavelearnedinthis book—the only difference is he has put in a lot more hours (Soryu hasclockedabout twenty-fivethousandhoursof lifetimemeditationpracticeat thetimeI’mwritingthis).Soryutellsmethatforhim,“Itisasiftheexperienceof

suffering is the experience of love, and of the joy that comes from directlyexperiencingthepurificationthatarisesfromandreturnstolove.”6Asyougainmorepractice,youwillbegintofindthatthesamepracticesthathelpyouaccessjoyondemandcanhelpyounavigate thesuffering in life,andverysoon,youwillbegintodevelopthesameconfidenceinyourself.

AnotherexampleofwhatitisliketobeverygoodatworkingwithemotionalpaincomesfromastoryIreadinthe1957classicbookZenFlesh,ZenBones.Iread itwhen Iwasnineteenor twenty, and it awedme somuch, it pulledmetoward the practice (which I finally picked up at twenty-one).The story is anaccountofapivotalincidentinthelifeofthegreatJapaneseZenmasterHakuinEkaku(1686–1768),oneofthemostimportantZenmastersinJapanesehistory.Before this incident, Hakuin was already a locally well-known and highlyrespected Zen master, but after the incident, he was propelled to widespreadfame.ThestoryisbeautifullyrenderedinZenFlesh,ZenBoneswiththetitle,“IsThatSo?”

IsThatSo?

Abeautiful Japanese girlwhose parents owned a food store livednear him. Suddenly, without any warning, her parents discoveredshewaswithchild.

This made her parents angry. She would not confess who themanwas,butaftermuchharassmentatlastnamedHakuin.

Ingreatangertheparentswenttothemaster.“Isthatso?”wasallhewouldsay.

AfterthechildwasbornitwasbroughttoHakuin.Bythistimehe had lost his reputation,which did not trouble him, but he tookvery good care of the child.He obtainedmilk fromhis neighborsandeverythingelsethechildneeded.

A year later the girl-mother could stand it no longer. She toldherparents the truth—that therealfatherof thechildwasayoungmanwhoworkedinthefishmarket.

ThemotherandfatherofthegirlatoncewenttoHakuintoaskforgiveness,toapologizeatlength,andtogetthechildbackagain.

Hakuinwaswilling. In yielding the child, all he saidwas: “Isthatso?”7

FailureIsNotanOption,ItComesPreinstalled

The three-step formula in this chapter forworkingwith emotional painworksmostofthetimebutmaynotworkallthetimeforyou.Thereasonisthecurrentdepth of your practicemaynot yet be consummatewith themagnitude of thesufferingyouface.Highermagnitudesofsufferingoftenrequireadeeperlevelofpracticetoovercome.Forexample,let’ssayyouhavedevelopedtheskillstocalmyourmindwhendealingwithunreasonable customers.Previously, you’dgrityourteethandpretendtosmile,butnow,thankstothetraininginthisbook,youareabletodealwiththemwithperfectcalmnessandjoy(you’rewelcome!).Allyourcoworkerswillbeinaweofyourcool,but thatdoesn’tmeannothingwill ever throw you off ever again. An event that causes a much highermagnitude of suffering, such as a cancer diagnosis,might still throwyou intodepression.Andevenafterenoughtrainingtostaycalmandjoyfulinthefaceofa cancer diagnosis, theremight still be events that causemore suffering thanyou’reabletodealwith,suchasfindingoutthatyourwifecheatedonyou.

Agoodanalogyfor thisphenomenonis juggling.Ifyoutrainedyourself tojuggle three balls, it doesn’t automaticallymean you can juggle four balls. Ittakesyousomepracticetogofromthreetofourballs,andthenfourtofive,andso on, because each additional ball requiresmore skill. To expect ameditatorwith the ability to calm his or her mind in a three-ball situation to have no

troublewithaseven-ballproblemisnotrealistic.

To make matters worse, there is always a delay between developingawarenessofafflictionanddevelopingtheabilitytoresolveit.Forexample,let’ssayyouhaveatendencytobehaveincertainwaysthatgetyouintotrouble.Atfirst, you are unaware of it.After some hours ofmindfulnessmeditation, youbegin toseehowyourunskillfulmental inclinationssetyouupfor the typeofbehaviorthatgetsyouintotrouble,buttoyourhorror,youfindyourselfunabletostopthebehavior,eventhoughyoucanclearlyseetheharmitiscausing.Itislikewatchingyourselfdriveacarrightintoawallandnotbeingabletosteponthebrakes.Itisonlyaftermore(sometimesmuchmore)practicethatyoulearnto correct those unskillful mental inclinations and change your behavior. Thetime between being able to see the unskillfulness of the mind and resultingbehaviors, and developing the necessary mental skills to do different, feelshorrible. During this period, you are likely to blame yourself and feel like afailure.Hereisaparable,inspiredbythebeautifulpoemtitledAutobiographyinFive Short Chapters written by singer, songwriter, actress, and author PortiaNelson,thatcapturesthisphenomenon:

Day1:Iwalkdownthestreet.Thereisadeepholeinthesidewalk.Idonotseethehole.Iwalkrightin.

Day2: Iwalkdown the samestreet. I see thedeephole in the sidewalk. Iwalkrightin.

Day3: Iwalkdown the samestreet. I see thedeephole in the sidewalk. Iwalkaroundit.

The hardest day is Day 2. OnDay 2, you can clearly see the hole in thesidewalk,andyoucanclearlyseeyourselfwalkingrightintoit,andstill,youareunable tostopyourself.ButDay2 isaprerequisiteforDay3.Onlywhenyoucanclearly seehowyou failwillyoubeable toovercome thecausesof thosefailures. So when you find yourself in Day 2, know that this is a naturalprogressiontowardDay3andifyoukeeppracticing,youwillsoondeveloptheabilitytowalkaroundthehole.

Returning to theanalogyof juggling.Ateverystepofyourgrowth,expectfailure.Lotsoffailure.Whenyouarelearningtojugglethreeballs,youexpecttodropballsallthetimeuntilyoucankeepthreeballsintheair.Onceyoucanjuggle threeballsandyouwant to learn to jugglefour,whathappens?Failure,failure,failure.Youwillkeepdroppingballsasyoupracticeuntilyougainthenewability.Eventually,youhavenoproblemjugglingfourballs.Ifyoudecide

togoforfive,whatthen?Yes,failure,failure,failure,untilyouacquirethenewskill.

Whenyouaregrowing, itoftenfeels likeyouarefailingall the time,butIencourageyoutolookbackatyourjourneyeverynowandthentoseehowfaryouhavecome.Forexample,whileyouaredroppingballsallovertheplaceinyour practice to juggle five, thinkbackonyour progress from two to three tofour.Ateverystep,youtoldyourselfhowgreatitwouldbetojuggleonemoreball,andateverystep,youeventuallysucceeded.Understand that failure isanintegral part of the growth process. Do not just see the failure—also see thegrowth.Whenyoudo,youwillexperiencethejoyofgrowing.

TheArtofSufferingIsLove

Whatifyoursufferingissointensethatitcompletelyoverwhelmsyourabilitytoworkwithit?Inthatcase,youneedtolearntheArtofSuffering.

Afewyearsago,asmymeditationpracticematured,Ireachedapointwheremyaccess to innerpeaceand inner joyhadbecomeso strong that Iwasquitegoodatovercomingsuffering.Whenever Iexperiencedsuffering, Icalmedmymind,Iactivatedjoy,andbecausethisfoundationwassofirm,Icouldtaketheattentional, affective, and cognitive steps in dealingwith emotional pain quiteeasily. And that became a problem. How? It created a big blind spot in mytraining.The greatZenmasterThichNhatHanh teaches something called theArtofSuffering,andIneverreallylearnedit.Iwaslikethekungfufighterwhowas so good at blocking punches, he never developed the skill to roll with apunch, so on the occasion that an incoming punch was so powerful he wasunable to block it, he got completely knocked out.And that happened tome.There was a time in my life when my suffering was so completelyoverwhelming,myskillataccessingcalmnessandjoywasnotstrongenoughtoovercomeit,soIcouldn’tevengetonthesteps.Iwashelpless.

During that period, Iwas very lucky to spend three dayswith themaster,ThichNhatHanh,himself.Hetaughtmetosufferskillfully.IlearnedtheArtofSuffering.AndthenIrealizedwhatwasmissingfrommypractice.

From my (probably imperfect) understanding of Thich Nhat Hanh’steaching,therearethreestepsinsufferingskillfully:

1. Don’tthink,justfeel.Asmuchaspossible,justfeelthepresent-momentsensationsinthebody.InthewordsofThichNhatHanh,“Comehometoyourself,comehometothepresentmoment.”

2. Cradlewithtenderness.Figurativelycradletheselfinpainlikeamothercradleshercryingbaby.Themotherdoesn’tknowwhythebabyiscrying,but she cradles thebaby anyway, and just bydoing that, the baby feelsbetter.Similarly, treat the self inpain likeababyandcradle it tenderlywithlove.

3. Cultivate compassion from this suffering. Compassion arises fromunderstandingsuffering.Suffering is likemud,compassion is like lotus,andyouneedthemudtogrowthelotus.Sounderstandthesuffering,andallow that understanding to turn into compassion. When compassionsuffuses the mind, suffering naturally weakens, and sometimes fadesaway.

WhatThichNhatHanhtaughtmeastheArtofSufferingaddsoneextremelypowerfultooltomytoolboxfordealingwithsuffering:love.Ifthereisonewordthat summarizesall three stepsabove, I think thatword is love.Loveyourselfenough to allow yourself the space to suffer, without shame or judgment. Insuffering,thereisnothingtobeashamedof,thereisnoreasontohide—it’sjustthenaturalexperienceofthehumancondition,that’sall.Aslongaswepossessahumanbodyandliveahumanlife,therewillbepain.Loveyourselfenoughtoallow the space and time to heal. Love yourself enough to cradle yourself inpain, tenderly with kindness. And love all sentient beings enough to want tocultivatecompassion.

TheArtofSufferingislove.Matthieu Ricard and fellow researcher Tania Singer, while researching

altruisminthebrain,madeafascinatingdiscovery.WhenMatthieurecollectedadisturbingvideoofhandicappedchildrendyingfromabandonmentandhunger,partsofhisbrainassociatedwithpainwereactivated.However,whenhedidthatwhile he meditated on altruistic love and compassion, the cerebral networkslinkedtonegativeemotionsanddistresswerenotactive,whilecertaincerebralareas associated with positive emotions were, for example, parts of the brainlinked to feelings of affiliation and maternal love.8 Matthieu and Taniademonstratedscientifically thataltruistic loveandcompassionareantidotesfor

suffering.I am reminded of a story I heard from the yoga master Sadhguru Jaggi

Vasudev. I have not found awritten source for this story, but it is a beautifulstory, and I’d like to end this chapter with it. Here, it is written the way IrememberhearingitfromSadhguru.

Onceuponatime,therewasayogiwhohadbeenpracticingvigorouslyforthirtyyears.Thisyogimet thegreatyogamasterRamakrishnaandaskedhim,“Even after allmy years of hard practice, there is something not inme that Isenseisinyou.WhatdoIneedtodosothatwhatisinyouisalsoinme?”

Ramakrishnaasked,“Asayogi,haveyoueverlovedanybodyoranything?”The yogiwas initially offended. “No, of course not,” he said.But aftermuchprodding byRamakrishna, he admitted to once loving a cowmanyyears ago.Theyogilivedintheforestfarawayfrompeoplesohecouldconcentrateonhispractice,buthehadkeptacowinhishutfor themilk.Afterawhile,ouryogistartedtoreallylovethecowandbecameveryattachedtoit.

One day, awandering yogi passed by the hut and asked to stay for a fewdays.Ouryogiwelcomedhimwithopenarmsandinvitedhimtostayforaslongas he wished. But after just one day, the wandering yogi left the hut in themiddleofthenightwithouttellinghishost,whichinIndiancultureonlyhappenswhentheguestisdeeplyoffendedbythehost.Whenthehostrealizedhisguestwasmissing,hechaseddownthewanderingyogiandaskedwhyheleftinsuchamanner.Thewanderingyogisaid indisgust,“It isobvious thatyou love thecow.Youarenotatrueyogi.”Ouryogirealizedthevisitorwasright,sohegavethecowaway.

WhenRamakrishnaheard thestory,he told theyogi,“Here iswhat Iwantyoutodo.Iwantyoutogetacowandtakecareofitforoneyear.”Theyogididthat.He learned to love thecow, this timeknowing thathecouldn’tkeepher.Andayearlater,hemetRamakrishnaagainandsaidtothemaster,“Whatisinyou,Inowalsohaveitinme.”

CHAPTERSEVEN

TheGreatMindIsBetterthanSexAnExplorationBeyondWorldlyPleasures

Onceuponatime,therewasastudentcalledPeterstudyingtheoreticalphysicsat CambridgeUniversity.One fateful day, Peterwent on ameditation retreat,duringwhichhemanaged togoverydeep intohismeditationandexperiencedtheprofoundjoyofdeepmeditation.Herealizedthisjoyheexperiencedwasfarmoresatisfying than thepleasureof sex,andheknewbecausehe justhadsexwithhisgirlfriendaboutaweekbefore the retreat. Itblewhimaway.His firstthoughtwas,“Whydidn’tanybodytellmeaboutthisbefore?”Thatwaswhenhedecided tobecomeaBuddhistmonk.1Petergrewup tobecomeAjahnBrahm,oneofthemostprominentandrespectedBuddhistmonksintheWesternworldtoday.

Meditation offers far more than just stress relief, mental concentration, orcreativity and worldly success. Asmeditation practice deepens, it opens up avastandfascinatingworld,andIwould love toexplore thatworlda littlewithyouhere.Inwritingthepreviouschapters,Itookontheroleofthelocalnativeguide,showingyouthepathsthatI’mfamiliarwith,notbecauseI’mbetterthan

you in any way, but simply because I have traveled those paths and theirshortcutsoftenenoughthatIknowthemwell.Inthischapter,Ihopetoshedtheroleofthelocalnativeguideandspeaktoyouasafellowadventurer,exploringwithyouthefascinatingspacesthatIhaveonlynewlyexplored,orhavescarcelytraveledmyself,oraboutwhichIhaveonlyheardamazingtalesfromthemasterguideswhohavetraveledmuchfartherthanIhave.

Letustakeashortexcursionintotherealmofdeepmeditationpracticesandjoybeyondworldlypleasures.

JoyIsNottheOnlyPath

Before we explore any advanced topic on meditation, there is something weneedtomakeclear:thatthepathofjoyisnottheonlypathindevelopingasolidmeditationpractice andmental fitness.There are actually verymanypaths. InBuddhism, for example, there are supposed to be eighty-four thousand paths,whichtheBuddhistscall“Dharmadoors,”ordoorstotheteachings,andbehindeveryoneofthosedoorsisthesameexactprize(whichisprobablywhyitneverbecameapopulargameshowonTV).

Onceagain,thephysicalfitnessanalogyisinstructive.Tobecomephysicallyfit, you can apply the easy and funmethodologywe talked about,which is tofind an easyway to ramp up and thenmake regular exercise fun. But that isobviously not the onlyway.You can, for example, force yourself to exerciseregularlywithsheerdiscipline.Youcancreatetheconditionsforotherstoforceyou toget fitby, forexample, joining theUSMarineCorps.Youcanaim forgreatnessbyjoininganOlympictrainingteam.Orsometimes,lifecircumstancesforceyou toget fit.Forexample,yougetamedicaldiagnosis that says ifyoudon’t get in shape soon, youwill die, and thatwould be greatmotivation forexercise.

Similarly,inmindtraining,thejoymethodologyisagoodwaytoprogress,but not the onlyway. There are peoplewho apply sheer discipline. There arepeople who deliberately put themselves into situations where they have nochoice but tomeditate. For example, whenmeditationmaster ShinzenYoungwasyoung,beforehehadany formalmeditation training,heboughthimself aone-waytickettoJapanandcheckedhimselfintoaremoteBuddhistmonasteryso he could not easily chicken out. That was his first introduction to serious

meditation practice.You can also resolve to become ameditation teacher andusethatasmotivationforyourpractice.Iseethatalotbecausemyorganization,theSearchInsideYourselfLeadershipInstitute(SIYLI,pronouncedas“silly,”ofcourse), trains Search Inside Yourself teachers and I insist that all of themacquiretwothousandhoursofmeditationpractice,somanyofthoseteachersaremotivatedtopracticeinordertoteachSearchInsideYourself.

Very frequently, though, people take the path of pain. For example,manypeople signed up for Jon Kabat-Zinn’s Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction(MBSR) class because they were in serious physical pain that their doctorscouldn’tdoanythingabout,sotheirentireearlymindfulnesspracticewasaroundpain. I myself came to meditation because of my chronic and persistentemotional pain. In fact, among people ofmy generation or older, almost 100percent of all meditators I know came to meditation because they weremiserable.ThatmakessensebecausewhenIwasgrowingup,meditationwasfarfrommainstream,sothepopulationthatself-selectedintomeditationhadtohavevery strongmotivation to venture that far out, and in almost every case, thatmotivationwasunbearablepain.Iknowofonlyasingleexception.Thereisoneperson I know, the cofounder of a very successful and very famous Internetcompany,whocametomeditation(andBuddhism)entirely“becauseBuddhismmakesperfectsense.”Oneperson.Allotherswereinitiallymotivatedbypain.

Anotherpoint tonoteis thepathsarenotmutuallyexclusive.Forexample,youcanuseeaseandfunasawaytostartexercisingregularly,andafewyearsafterthatyoudecideyouwanttobecomeveryfit,soyoutakethepathofrigorand discipline by joining theOlympic training team or theUSMarineCorps.Similarly,yourmeditationpracticemaystartonaneaseandjoypath,andthenwhen you begin to get fairly good at it, you may decide you really want toswitch to amore rigorous, disciplined approach.The thing about the differentpathsisthateachhasitsownupsidesanddownsides,sotheyworkmuchbetterforsomepeoplethanothers,dependingongoals,inclinations,aptitudes,andlifesituations.Forexample,theeaseandjoypathisgoodathelpinglargenumbersofordinarypeopleestablishasolidpractice,butifyouaresomeonewhowantstoestablishadeeppracticeinasmallnumberofmonths,youcan’tbeatbuyingaone-way ticket to Thailand and checking yourself into a Buddhist forestmonastery in themiddleofa thickrainforestwithanenlightened,no-nonsensemaster. Sometimes, your life situation temporarily restricts your choice ofpractice. For example, my main practice is joy, but on days when I sufferemotionalpainthatissostrongitoverwhelmsmyabilitytobringupjoy,Ihave

nochoicebut topracticekindnessandequanimity inpain.That,plusmywifewould never let me buy a one-way ticket to Thailand to checkmyself into aforestmonasteryinthemiddleofathickrainforest,sothatoptionisoffthetableformeaswell.

Giventhattherearealargenumberofpaths(84,000?),whydidIdecidetowriteabookonmeditationwithjoy?Whynotoneoftheother83,999paths?

First,itisbecausethepathofjoyismyownmainpractice.Ilikethingstobeeasyand joyful.Ease isgood, joy isgood. I’m too lazy to take thehardpathsunless absolutely necessary.Thosewho take the hard paths are like legendaryheroesridingferocioustigers.Me?I’dratherridegentle,smilingunicornswithrainbowscomingoutoftheirrearends.

Second, and most important, I hope to benefit the maximum number of

people. Toomany people tellme theywant tomeditate butmeditation is toohard.Somefindittoohardtoevenbegin;mostothersfindittoohardtosustain.I know it doesn’t necessarily have to be hard. From my own experiencepracticing and teaching, I know it is possible to initiate and develop a solidpracticeprimarilywitheaseand joy. Ihope thisapproachwillbebeneficial toverymanypeople.

WhenMeditationBecomesEffortless

Likemanyotherseasonedmeditators Ihavespoken to, Ihaveexperienced thelongjourneyofmymeditationpracticeinthreedistinctstages:

1. Relaxation

2. Attentionalstability

3. Effortlessness

Inthefirststage,Ilearnedtorelax,tonotstruggle,andtobeateasewithmybreath. In the second stage, I learned to apply an immense amount of skillfulefforttoestablishattentionalstabilityuponthatfoundationofrelaxation(IspokeaboutmyexperiencecultivatingbothrelaxationandattentionalstabilitybackinChapter3).Afterthat,Iarrivedatthethirdstage,inanunexpectedmanner.

IhadputsomucheffortintodevelopingmyattentionalstabilitythatIgainedtheabilitytostayrelaxedandkeepmyattentiononthebreath—andnotmissasinglebreathfortwohoursatastretch.Ithoughtthemomentumofmyprogresswasunstoppable.Andthen,loandbehold,mypracticehitawall.ForreasonsIdid not understand at the time, no matter how hard I tried, I could make nofurther progress.My serenity did not deepen, and Iwas unable to extendmymeditativeconcentrationbeyondtwohours.Whattodo?Whattodo?

Bycoincidence, Imetwith theKoreanZenmasterSubulSunim.Near theendofourmeeting,Itoldhimthatmypracticewasmakingnofurtherprogress,and Iaskedhimwhat I shoulddo.Hegavemeaverysimplepieceofadvice,“Now,abandoneffort.”HethenelaboratedwithateachingthatbearsatouchofZenpoetry,“Toacquirewisdomisveryhard,buttoabandonitisevenharder.Youhaveobviouslyaccumulatedalotofwisdom,andyourwisdomhasbroughtyou to this point, which is very good. But to advance further, you need toabandonthatwisdom.”

WhenIheardthat,IknewitwaspreciselytheteachingIneededtobreakoutofmyrut.SuchZenteachingswerenotunfamiliartome.Ihadreadaboutthemformanyyears,butnowsuddenlyIcouldusethem.Thisisagoodexampleoftheright teachingat theright time.TheZenteachingssurroundingabandoning

wisdomandeffortwouldhavebeentotallyuselesstomeatthestagewhenIwastrying to establish attentional stability, but they are precisely the teachings IneededonceIwasabletodothat.InEarlyBuddhism,thetraditionofmyownmeditative training, the Buddha taught that there are four kinds of teachings:teachings that are truthful and useful, teachings that are untruthful but useful,teachings that are truthfulbutnotuseful, and teachings that areuntruthful andnot useful. The Buddha told his students to only speak the teachings that aretruthful and useful. I realized that many, possibly all, of the teachings in thecategory of “truthful but not useful” are there entirely because of timing. Forexample,theteachingtoabandonwisdomandefforthasalwaysbeenatruthfulteaching,butitwastotallyuselesstomeatonestageofmypractice,andthenitbecamethemostimportantteachingtomeatanotherstageofmypractice.Theswitchwasentirelyduetothetimingofmyprogressasapractitioner.Ifyouarelearningtoteachmeditation,pleasetakenote—thisisaveryimportantpoint.

AfterMasterSubulspoke,oneofhisassistantswalkedinwithsomeurgentpaperworkforhimtoattendto.ItooktheopportunitytomeditatewhileIwaited.Idroppedintoameditativestate,andthenIabandonedallmentaleffort.Withinseconds, therewas a deep sense of calm, stability, and vividness. And it waseffortless.Afewminuteslater,whenthemasterwasdonewithhispaperwork,Iopenedmyeyesandreportedtohimwhathadjusthappened,andhesaidtome,“Yes,thisisit.”

Suddenly, Isawthat thebiggestbarrier tomyprogresswasmyeffort.Theveryeffortthathadacceleratedmyprogresswasholdingmebackfromthenextstageofmygrowth.Withattentional stabilitynowfirmlyestablished, thenextthingthatneededtohappenwasforallmentalactivitytoquietdown.Effortwasitself gross mental activity; therefore, it had become a hindrance. Like theboosterrocketsonaspaceshuttle—withoutthem,theshuttlecannottakeoff,butoncetherocketfuelisspent,thoseverysamerocketsbecomedeadweightandneedtobeejectedfortheshuttletogohigher.AndIhadarrivedatthatstage.

Beyondattentionalstabilityiseffortlessness.Byfirmlyestablishingstability,the meditator puts the mind on track in a meditative state where it is alert,relaxed, and stable, and then he withdraws all mental effort, allowing themeditationtohappenbyitself.Itislikeacartthat’sbeengivenastrongpush—itkeepsrollingandwedon’tneedtokeeppushing.Themeditatoronlyreapplieseffortwhenattentional stabilitywanes (andwithdrawseffortagainsoonafter).Witheffortwithdrawn,themindglidesintoadeeplycalmandquietstate.Inthebackground,thereisattentiontothebreath,butintheforeground,theattentionis

objectless. There is simply a thus-ness. Thus it is, thus it shall be. Moreimportant,joybecomesmoreprominent.Thesubtle(buthighlysustainable)joyarising from ease that was ever present in the background now comes to theforeground.Withthemindeffortlesslystable,weexperiencejoymorevividly.

When I was a novice, I had heard many meditation masters say that“meditation should be so effortless that it does itself.” I had never understoodwhatthatmeant,butnowIdid.Ittookmeahugeamountofefforttogettothateffortlessness.Itremindsmeofafunnysaying,“Ittakesaverylongtimetobeanovernightsuccess.”

Later on, my dear friend, meditation teacher Soryu Forall, told me of abeautifulparablefromtheAvatamsakaSutra(FlowerOrnamentScripture) thatgaveme the words tomake sense of this development. It is the parable of apersonpushingasailboattotheocean.Beforearrivingattheocean,thesailboatispushedwithmucheffort,butonceitreachestheocean,pushingisuseless.Onthe water, the sailboat is effortlessly propelled by the wind. The distance ittravelsontheoceaninonedayisfartherthanitcouldbeforcedoverlandinahundredyears.2

The sailboat analogy carries two important lessons. The first is thateffortlessnessoftenneedstobeprecededbydeliberateeffort.Ifweneverpushthesailboattotheocean,ifinsteadwefoolishlysitinthesailboatwhileitisonlandhopingforittobe“propelledwithouteffortbythewind,”wegetnowhere.Inmeditation,effortlessnessmustbeestablishedonthefoundationofattentionalstability; otherwise it is really justmindwandering and awaste of your time.Thesecondlessonisthatwhiletheeffortfulstageisimportant,itsmainroleistoenableeffortlessness.Ameditatorwhodoesnotunderstand this is likeasailorwhokeepspushingthesailboatwhenitisalreadyinthewater,orworse,liketheguywhopusheshissailboatallthewaytothedestinationoverlandratherthanpushingittothewaterwiththeintentofsailingtothedestination.Heiswastingvaluabletimeandeffort.

I’dratherbesailing.

WhatIsItLiketoBeVerySeasonedatMeditation?

We can think ofmeditation as having three pillars: calm-abiding, insight, andsublimestates.Astable stoolmusthaveat least threestrong legs. In thesameway,awell-roundedmeditatormustbestronginallthreepillarsofpractice.

Calm-abiding practices are meditative practices that bring the mind to acollected state so that it becomes calm and relaxed, and at the same time,attention is concentrated and vivid. In the Pali language, the term that getstranslated as “calm-abiding” is samatha (SAH-mah-tah). Insight practices aremeditativepracticesthatsharpenthemindsothatitcanperceivephenomenaatvery high resolution, specifically three processes: the process of emotion, theprocessofcognition,andtheprocessofself.Practicesthatinvolvewatchingthearising,presence,andcessationofthoughtsandsensoryexperiencesareinsightpractices.ThetermthatgetstranslatedfromPalias“insight”isvipassana(vee-PAH-sa-na).Sublimestates,orbrahmavihara(BRAH-ma-vih-ha-ra),areloving-kindness,compassion,altruisticjoy,andequanimity,thefourstatesweexploredin Chapter 5. All three pillars are covered by the practices in this book, forexample,SettlingtheMind(Chapter3)trainssamatha(calm-abiding),NoticingJoy(Chapter4),andJustNoteGone(Chapter4)trainvipassana(insight),andall

thepracticesinChapter5trainbrahmavihara(sublimestates).That leadsustotwoquestions:Whatis it likehavingamaturepracticefor

eachpillar?Andwhatismasterylike?

MaturityofSamatha(Calm-Abiding)PracticeWhenyour samathapractice reachesmaturity, in formalmeditation, in aquietroom,whennothingparticularlybadishappeninginyourlife—forexample,youhave not just been fired from your job, you didn’t just lose your entire lifesavingsincommodityfutures,andyou’renotinthemiddleofanastydivorce—youcanbringthemindtoadeepstateofcalmnessbetween95and100percentofthetime.Inthatstateofmind,fourqualitiesbecomeverystrong:relaxation,joy,attentionalstability,andperceptualvividness.Themindisjoyfullyrelaxed,not holding on to anything, yet attention on the chosen object (such as thebreath)isstable,andperceptionisvividbecausethemindisnotdrowsy.Itisaqualityof concentration that is relaxed, easy, open, andalmost effortless.Youcanmaintainthisstateforatleastonehouratastretchwithoutdifficulty.

With a mature samatha practice in difficult situations in real life—whenthingsarefallingapart,peopleareshoutingatyou,oryouhavejustbeenfired—you are able to calm themind amajority of the time, and themind is able tomaintain some meaningful degree of calmness, relaxation, and stability, evensomejoy,rightinthemiddleofashitstorm.Maybenotallofthetime,butmorethanhalfthetime.

MasteryofSamatha(Calm-Abiding)Ihavenotgainedmasteryofsamathamyself,butaccordingtotheancienttexts,and also according to many meditation teachers I personally know, one whomasters samatha can reach those profound states of meditative concentrationcalledthejhanas,wherethemindreachesperfectionindirectingandstabilizingattention, in invoking joy (specifically, in energetic joy and gentle joy, or pitiand sukha), and in concentrative one-pointedness (unification of mind withobject).Oneteacherdescribedthejhanastomeasstateswherethemind,totallyenvelopedin joy,canstayperfectlystill,concentratingperfectlyon thechosenobjectwithoutanywaveringofattentionoranydistractingthoughtarising,foratleast four hours at a stretch, and emerge from those four hours of intenseconcentrationfeelingrestedandreadyfor“realwork.”

Iknowofonlyoneneurologicalstudywherethebrainofaveryexperienced

meditator was scanned while he was in various stages of jhana, and it isfascinating.3Themost interestingpart, tome,is theresearchteam’sattempttostudy thecomponentofprofound joy in jhana.Theydid thisbymeasuring theactivation of the dopamine reward system in the brain, and yes, the researchpaper does describe it as “better than sexual orgasm.”One key question is, ifjhana is indeed more pleasurable than sexual orgasm, does it then put thedopaminerewardsystemintooverdrive?Andifso,isn’titlikedrugabuse(or,inmore technical parlance, “drug-induced hyperstimulation of the dopaminepathways”)? The study revealed something surprising. According to the braindata, the activation of the reward system in jhana was actually fairly small.However, cortical activity in thebrainwas reduced; therefore, amuch smallerrewardsignalcouldbedetectedandperceivedasmoreintense.Inotherwords,in jhana, there is only a small activationof thebrain’s reward system,but thebrainissoquiet,itexperiencesthatsmallactivationasanintenseamountofjoy.I find this fascinating because generations of meditation teachers have taughtthat themind abiding in calmness is a joyful mind, and this studymay haverevealedtheneurologicalmechanismbehindit.Wow.

MaturityofVipassana(Insight)PracticeWhenyourvipassanapracticereachesmaturity,informalmeditation,youhavehigh-resolutionperceptionofsensorydata.Specifically,youhavetheability toperceive the rising and passing ofminute sensory phenomenamore than onceper second. A key measurable indicator of maturity of vipassana practice isstrong heartbeat interoception, which means the ability to feel your ownheartbeatinthebodyasandwhenyouwantto.Thisabilityishighlycorrelatedwith robust activity in thepartof thebrainknownas the insula,which is alsohighlycorrelatedwithself-awarenessandempathy.4

When you have a mature vipassana practice in daily life, you nevercompletelyloseyourmindfulness,evenindifficultsituations.Forexample,evenwhenyouaresocompletelytriggeredthatyoulosecontrolofyouremotion,younevercompletelylosethemindfulnessofwatchingthingsclearlyastheyhappen,almostasathirdperson.Younevercompletelylosetouchwiththeinsights:“Mythoughtsarenotme—theyaremerelythoughts.Andmyemotionsarenotme—theyaremerelyemotions.”

One of the most important markers of maturity in vipassana practice incombinationwithmaturityinsamathapracticeisequanimityinthefaceofpain,

especially mental and emotional pain. Every sensory event follows the samepattern:itbeginswithcontactbetweensenseorganandobject,followedbythearising of sensation, then perception, and usually followed by clinging oraversion. Clinging is when the mind desperately holds on to a pleasantexperience, wishing it would never end, and aversion is when the minddesperately holds back an unpleasant experience, wishing it would end rightnow.Everythoughtfollowsasimilarpatterntoo:firstthereisconceptionofthethought, followed by an emotional response, followed, usually, by clinging oraversion.AswesawinChapter6,thedirectcauseofsufferingistheclingingoraversion, not the sensation or the thought. Therefore, the more the mind canexperience a sensory event or a thoughtwithout clinging or aversion, the lesssufferingitexperiences.Withamaturevipassanapractice,youcanperceivetheentirechainfromcontactorconceptiontoclingingoraversion,seetheclingingand aversion as the direct cause of suffering, and, if you also have a maturesamatha (calm-abiding) practice, you canmaintain equanimity, a statewithoutclingingor aversion, thus creating thepossibilityof experiencingpainwithoutsuffering or at least with less suffering. In this way, maturity in both calm-abidingandinsightcreatestheconditionsfortheblossomingofequanimity.Thestrongeroneisinsamathaandvipassana,themoreonecanremaincalm,even,and free in the face of eight worldly conditions: gain and loss, honor anddishonor,praiseandblame,andpleasureandpain.

My friend and Tibetan Buddhist master the Fourth Trungram GyaltrulRinpoche, who is also the first Tibetan lama reincarnate to earn a PhD fromHarvardUniversity,offeredmewhatIthinkisthebesttechnicaldescriptionofamature vipassana practice from a traditional perspective. He bases hisdescriptionontheBuddhistconceptofnama-rupa(literally:“nameandform”),whichreferstotwoprocessesofexperience.Nama (literally:“name”)referstothe mental aspect of experience, while rupa (literally: “form”) refers to thephysicalaspectofexperience.GyaltrultellsmethatinTibetanBuddhism,nama-rupaisseenontwodimensions,namaonthey-axisandrupaonthex-axis.Rupaisthespatialdimension—allofrupaiscontainedinspace.Namaisthetemporaldimension—allofnamaisinpast,present,andfuture.Thepracticeconcerningnamaistokeeptryingtosliceoffpastandfuture(thetopandbottompartsofthey-axis) from experience until nama becomes very thin, while the practiceconcerningrupaistokeepexpandingituntilitcoversallthespacethatcanbeperceivedbythesenses.Thatis,tofocusyourexperienceonthepresentinsteadof the past or future, and to broaden your experience of the present until it

includeseverythingthatishappening.Ifoundthisframingtobeveryusefulformyownpractice.WhenI triedit

out,Ihadasuddenchangeinperception.Initially, thebreathwasperceivedasbreath,andbodilysensationswereperceivedassensationsinthebody.Butwhenthe experiencing of nama got to be sufficiently thin, there was a phase shift.Suddenly, themindexperiencedsensationsasacacophonyofmicroevents.Asudden tingling here, a tingling there, a sound here, a vibration there, anexpansion here, a contraction there. There was somuch input, so noisy. Andthenitoccurredtomethateventhebreathitselfisaconcept,aconceptmadeupof many successive moments of sensation that the mind integrates as theexperienceofbreath.Ialsosawthatthenumberofphenomenanoticedbymindgoesup substantially fromaboutoneper second toabout tenper second.AndthenIrealized,oneofthemarksofamaturevipassanapracticeistheabilitytoeffortlesslyswitchbetweenthetwolevelsofperception,theconceptuallevelinwhichwenormallyoperate(things,people,actions)andthepreconceptuallevelbefore the mind integrates sensory data and thought streams into operationalconcepts.Inotherwords,theabilitytoseethingsinmorethanoneway.ThisisterritoryI’mnewlyexploringmyself.

MasteryofVipassana(Insight)Ihavenotreachedthemasteryofvipassanamyself,sothisisterritoryIknowofonly from what the masters have taught me. As far as I know, there is noconsensusonwhatconstitutesmasteryofvipassana,butI’mfairlysureIknowthe bare minimum qualification, what meditation master Shinzen Young

describedtomeas“therealizationthattherehasneverbeensuchathingcalledaselfwithinme.”Shinzenalsohelpfullyexplainedthatdifferentpeopleperceivethis realization differently, depending largely on their spiritual tradition.Buddhists,forexample,tendtoexperienceitasanabsenceofself.Taoiststendto speak of it as oneness with all things, whereas contemplatives in theAbrahamic religions (Judaism, Christianity, Islam) tend to formulate it as theunionofthesoulwithGod.Inallcases,thecommonpointisthedisappearanceofthesenseofthesmall,immutable,andbounded“self.”Ihaveheardthatsamestatedescribedbyothermastersas“realizationleadingtothecompletebreakingof identification with one’s mind and body” and also as “the realization thatthereisnoboundaryorseparationbetween‘self’andothersatall.”Itisactuallyveryhardtodescribethisstatebecauseitisnotacommondailyexperience,soplease treat every description as a poor approximation. Ancient teachingscomparetheverbaldescriptionofprofoundmeditativerealizationstodescribingthetasteofhoneytosomeonewhohasnevertastedsweetnessinhislife,soallsuchdescriptionsarenecessarilyunsatisfactory.

InPali,theabovepointofrealizationislabeledsotapatti(literally:“enteringthe stream”) and in Japanese, it is labeled kensho (literally: “seeing [true]nature”)orsatori(literally:“understanding,”usuallytranslatedas“awakening”).Shinzencomparesittotheparadigmshiftsthatoccurperiodicallyinthehistoryofscience.Forexample,taketherealizationthatlunareclipsesarecausedbytheshadowoftheearthbeingcastonthemoon:onceyougainthatrealization,youwillneveragainbelieve(asoldChinesecustomsdo)thatlunareclipseshappenwhen theHeavenlyDog tries to eat themoon again, and therefore you neveragain desire to make loud noises to scare away the Heavenly Dog (as mygrandparentsusedtodo).Aparadigmshift insciencepermanentlychangesthewayweviewcertainaspectsofrealityand,therefore,changesourmentalstatesandbehaviors.Inthesameway,therealizationthattherehasneverbeensuchanimmutableobjectcalledaselfpermanentlychangesthewayyouperceiveyourown personhood. From then on, you will only see self as a process, not anobject.Extendingthemetaphorregardinglunareclipse—theeclipsestillhappensanditstilllookslikeamonstereatingthemoon,butyounolongerinterpretitassuch. After stream entry, mental images, mental talk, and emotional bodysensationsstillarisejustlikebefore,buttheyarenolongerinterpretedasathingcalledself.

That has obvious implications for suffering. A large percentage of oursuffering comes from the sense of I,myself, andmine, all ofwhich originate

fromthesenseofasolid,substantialself,sooncethesenseofselfisrealizedtobe a process that is completely mind-generated, then a lot of suffering eithergoesawayorisgreatlyreduced.IaskedSoryuForall,howmuchdoessotapattireduce suffering? Soryu said he was unable to quantify it, but he toldme anancienttextsaysthatbeforesotapatti, thevolumeofsufferingislikeanocean,andaftersotapatti,itisreducedtoateardrop.Holymoly.

Asafellowadventurer,IcansharewithyouadescriptionofthetinybitofterritoryIhavepersonallyexploredonthissubjectofnonself.Itisnowherenearwhatthemastershavedescribed,butsincemyexplorationismuchclosertoourday-to-dayworldly experience, itmay be helpful to you. Inmy exploration, Ilearned that there are at least two flavors of nonself, one weaker and onestronger.Theweaker flavor is the experience that there isonly theobserver,andtheobserverhasnoidentity.Thisflavorisactuallyquiteeasytodescribeand fairly straightforward for someone with strong samatha and vipassanapracticetoarriveat.Whenwesleep,wesometimesdream.Inourdreams,wearesometimes an entirely different person from the person in real life. In otherwords,inthosedreams,wehaveanentirelydifferentidentityasthepersonwhois awake.During theprocessof falling asleepandgetting into thatdream, themind abandons one identity and takes on another.My experience of the firstflavor of nonself took that path.Once, as Iwas in deepmeditation, themindbecame subtle enough to enter that dreamlike statewhile beingvividly aware,and it arrived at the state after themind abandons one identity but before themind takes up another. In that state, there was only the observer, and theobserver had no identity whatsoever. There was no “Meng,” that “Meng”completelydisappeared.Therewasonlytheobserver.Iwasabletostayinthatstate for roughly thirtyminutes, and that experiencewas life changing. Inmylife, some large percentage of my suffering arises from issues involving myidentity(“Howdaretheytreatmelikethis?Whodotheytakemefor?”“WhyamI not lovable?” “Why does he treat me like I am incompetent?”) When theobserverhasnoidentity,theobservergainsexperientialrealizationthatidentityisentirelymind-made.Identityhasnosubstancewhatsoever—itisnothingbutamerecreationofmind.

Havingexperiencedthatrealization,whenonegetsbacktoreallife,identity-relatedproblemssuchasbeingtreatedlikeI’muselessorunimportantstillsting,butthemindalsoknowsthatthereiszerosubstancetothatidentityanyway,sothesufferingismeaningfullyreduced.

ThestrongerflavorofnonselfthatIexperiencedisthereisnoobserver—there is only the observation. This is currently exploratory territory to me(whichmeansyes,theremaybeanotherbookcomingfrommeinafewyears,thankyouforasking).Ihaveonlyexperienceditafewtimesmyself,andIhavenot yet developed the ability to stabilize it. The first time I experienced thisflavorofnonselfwaswhenIwasattendingintenselytosound.Iwastolditisforprecisely this reason that some Zenmasters consider sound to be the king ofmeditationobjects.Theadvantageofmeditatingonsoundis,unlikethebreathorthebody,theminddoesnotperceivesoundasanembodiedexperience.Instead,it perceives sound as an experience “outside.” Because of this lack ofembodiment,itismucheasiertoexperiencesoundwithouttheobserverarisinginresponsetotheexperience.Inthisflavorofthenonselfexperience,themindobservesthesoundbutdoesnotexperiencethepresenceofanobserver,andthenonemomentlater,themindconstructstheobservertocognizetheabsenceoftheobserverinthepreviousmoment.Iknow,thismaynotmakemuchsensetoyou.At this point, all I know ismymeditation teachers tellme that this ability toexperiencetheabsenceoftheobserver,whenIcultivateandstabilizeitandlearnto turn itonoroffatwill, leadseventually tosotapatti. I’ll reportback toyouwhen I learn more (except the version of “I” doing the reporting will be anobserverwithanidentity,sorry).

MaturityofBrahmavihara(SublimeStates)PracticeWhen your brahmavihara practice reaches maturity, you can, in formalmeditation,bringup loving-kindness,compassion,oraltruistic joyondemand,andyouareabletomaintainitforthedurationofafairlylongsit.Indailylife,inanormalsettingwherenobodyisshoutingatyouortreatingyoubadly,youcanfeel loving-kindness toward 95 to 100 percent of every human being you see.Even in a difficult situation,when someone is hurtingyoubadly, you can seethispersonwithsomekindnessandcompassion.Youcanseehissuffering,andyoucan seehowhis suffering causeshisunskillful behavior.Becauseyouareabletodothat,somemeaningfullylargepercentageofthetime,youareabletouseloving-kindnessandcompassiontoresolvedifficultsituations.

It is important to understand that even if you are able to deal with everysingle difficult situation using loving-kindness and compassion, it does notguarantee that youwill be successful in resolving everydifficult situation100percent of the time.What loving-kindness and compassion do is increase theprobability of successful resolution, and that increase is often meaningfulenoughtobelifechanging.Agoodanalogyisthebattingaverage.Inbaseball,the batting average is defined as the number of hits divided by at bats,whichbasically means the percentage of time that a batter hits the ball when he issupposedto.Inamajorleagueseason,thebattingaverageissomewherearound.260(itwas.268in2007and.251in2014),whichmeansthataMajorLeagueBaseball player hits the ball about 26 percent of the time.Typically, a seasonbattingaveragehigherthan.300,whichisroughly4percentagepointsabovetheaverage,isconsideredtobeexcellent.ThecareerbattingaverageofBabeRuth,perhapsthegreatestplayerofalltime,is .342.SothedifferencebetweenBabeRuthandtheaveragemajorleagueplayerisonlyabout8percentagepoints.The

firstinsightlearnedhereisthatevenBabeRuthdoesn’thittheballallthetime—in fact, only a minority of the time. Second, the difference between theaverageandwhatisconsideredexcellentisamere4percentagepoints.Itisthesame with loving-kindness and compassion practice as applied to real life. Itdoesn’tmean every situation of conflictwith your spouse, your in-laws, yourboss,oryourcustomerswillberesolvablewithloving-kindnessandcompassion.For example, even if you treat your boss kindly, it doesn’tmean that shewillalwaysreciprocateinkind(nopunintended)andeverythingwillbehandyanddandy. However, loving-kindness and compassion increase the probability ofmaking a situation better, and sometimes, even a small increase in probabilitycould have life-changing consequences. For example, the one time itmakes adifferencecouldbe theone timeyour futureparents-in-lawfeel so touchedbyyour kindness, they decide you are worthy of their daughter, and that couldaffecttherestofyourlife.Itisimportanttoknowaboutthissothatyouwillnotbe discouraged that loving-kindness and compassion do not work in everysituation. In the long term, practicing loving-kindness and compassion willchangeyouandyourlifeforthebetter.

MasteryofBrahmavihara(SublimeStates)IcansayforcertainthatIamnowherenearachievingmasteryinanyofthefoursublimestates.Fortunately,Iknowofgreatpeoplewhohave,soIcantellyoutheirstories.

In formalmeditation, one indicator ofmastery in the sublime states is theabilitytousethemasvehiclestoreachingjhana(thatstateofperfectlystabilizedattention,concentration,andjoy).AjahnBrahm,forexample, toldmethat it ispossibletobringuploving-kindnessinthemindtosuchahighintensitythatthemind becomes totally collected onto it, and the mind becomes sufficientlycollected togo into jhana.Another indicatorofmastery is theability tocreateoff-the-charts changes in the brain while meditating on a sublime state, asMatthieuRicardcandowhilemeditatingoncompassion.

Wherethemasteryofbrahmaviharareallyshinesisinreallife.Icantellyouoftwoawe-inspiringstoriesthatdroppedmyjaw.ThefirststorywastoldbytheDalaiLama.HetellsofaTibetanmonk,ahighlama,whowasthrowninjailbythesecretpolicefordecadesandfrequentlytortured.Hewaseventuallyletout,andhefoundhisway toIndia tomeet theDalaiLama.TheDalaiLamaaskedthemonkhowhe feltwhenhewas being tortured, and themonk said hewas

ofteningreatdanger.“Whatkindofdanger?”theDalaiLamaasked.Themonkanswered,“Iwasindangeroflosingcompassionformytorturers.”Iwasflooredwhen I heard that story. I mean, that guy was getting tortured, and he wasworriedaboutlosingcompassionforthepeopletorturinghim.Whoa.

The second story concerns a saintly small man called A. T. Ariyaratne,known affectionately to all his friends as Dr. Ari. Dr. Ari is a high schoolEnglishteacherbestknownforfoundingtheSarvodayaShramadanaMovementin Sri Lanka. It started when he took forty high school students and twelveteachersfromhisschooltoanoutcastevillagetohelpthevillagersfixitup,andit grew into the biggest nongovernmental organization inSriLanka benefitingelevenmillionpeopleandfifteenthousandvillages.BrahmaviharaisoneofthemainguidingprinciplesoftheSarvodayaorganization.

Inthe1960swhenDr.Ariwasstillaschoolteacher,adaybeforehewastolaunch a satyagraha (a nonviolent resistance campaign) with hundreds ofstudents, he received news that the notorious underworld boss called Choppewasplanningtoassassinatehimwithabombthenextday.Dr.AriwenttothehomeofChoppewithafellowteacher.HefirstspokewithChoppeandinquiredwhat theywereplanning todo thenextday.Thenhe revealedhis identityandaskedChoppetokillhimthenandthere.Hesaid,“OursisaBuddhistschool.DonotdesecratethatsacredBuddhistseat.Ifyouwanttokillme,killmehereandnow.”Choppecriedandsaid,“IfIhadhadteacherslikeyou,Iwouldneverhavebecomeanunderworldboss.”Heorderedhisgang tocancel thebombingnextday.ChoppeandDr.Aribecamethebestoffriends.

Oh,ifyouarenottiredofinspiringstories,Ihaveonemoreforyou.VishnuVasu,myfriend,adocumentarymaker,andalongtimefriendofDr.Ari,toldmethatthecourageofcompassionrunsinDr.Ari’sfamily.Hetoldmethisamazingstory,whichhappenedduringthecivilwarinSriLanka,whereethnicSinhalese

andethnicTamilswenttowaragainsteachother.In1983,therewerebrutalriotsagainsttheminorityTamils.Dr.Ari(himselfaSinhalese)hidagroupofTamilsinhishouse toprotect themfromarampagingSinhalesemob.ThemobfoundoutandknockedonthedoorofDr.Ari’shouse.Dr.Ariandhiswifewereaway(they were actually at the main campus of Sarvodaya, where they were alsohiding a large number of Tamils). Dr. Ari’s daughter, Sadeeva, then a youngwoman, opened the door. The mob asked Sadeeva to surrender the Tamils.Sadeeva said, “My father is not here, but I know if youwere to ask him, hewouldsay,‘Youhavetokillmefirst.’Mymotherisnothere,butIknowifyouweretoaskher,shewouldsay,‘Youhavetokillmefirst.’Andso,I’mtellingyounow,youhavetokillmefirst.”Themobleft.

StriveHardtoLetGo

In striving toward mastery in samatha, vipassana, and brahmavihara—calm-abiding, insight, and sublime states—what arewe trying to achieve?Well,wearenottryingtoachieveanythingatall.It isveryimportanttounderstandthatultimately, meditation is not about getting anything—meditation is entirelyabout letting go. In fact, I can summarize my entire twenty-plus years ofmeditationpracticeinjusttwowords:lettinggo.Theentiretyofmypracticeislearningtoletgo.Forexample,earlyon,Ilearnedtoletgoofmyaddictiontoconstant sensory andmental stimulation.A bit later on, I learned to let go ofrestlessnessanddistractionduringsittingmeditation.Muchlateron,Ilearnedtoletgoofsomeamountofgreed,hatred,anxiety,anddestructiveego.Andatthecurrentstageofmypractice,I’mlearningtoletgoofclinging,aversion,illwill,my dependence on sensory pleasure in general, and my need to fluff up myidentityandego.Theentireprocessisnothingbutlettinggo.

Ateverystageoflettinggo,Iwasrewardedwithanewsourceofwholesomejoy.Forexample,whenIletgooftheneedtoconstantlybestimulatedbysomesensory pleasure, I experienced the joy of ease. I developed the ability to bejoyfulsimplybysittingdownandrelaxing.WhenI letgoofsomemeaningfulamountofangerandresentment,Iexperiencedthejoyofgoodwill.WhenIletgoofmycompulsiontonotfeeltheunpleasantfeelingsrelatingtomyfailure,Iexperiencedthejoyofconfidence.Ineverysinglecase,whatIexperiencedwasthe joy of freedom, for example, the joy of freedom from boredom, freedomfromwant,freedomfromanxiety,freedomfrommyownego,andfreedomfromresentment.Iam,andhavealwaysbeen,enslavedbytwotyrannicalmasters:myclingingtosensoryandegopleasures,andmyaversiontoallthingsunpleasantto senses and ego. I am the slaveofClingingMonster andAversionMonster.With every bit more of letting go, I gain a little bit more freedom from thisenslavement.Infreedom,thereisgreatjoy.

Butwait,ifitissimplyaboutlettinggo,isn’titeasy?OnethingIhearalotfrom somemeditation teachers I know,whichused to annoyme tono end, istheir teaching that letting go should be easy. A person suffering from greed,hatred, anxiety, fear, lust, or any other afflictive mental state is like she isholdingapieceofburninghotcoalinherhand.Thesolution?Justopenthehandand let go of the hot coal. In the same way, simply let go of greed, hatred,anxiety,fear,lust,oranythingelse.Easy,right?

No,itisnoteasy,dammit!Well,atleastnotforme.Thereasonitisnoteasyisbecausethereareprerequisiteabilitiestolettinggo.Inthecaseofthepersonholdingthepieceofburninghotcoal,forexample,inordertoletgoofthehotcoal,sheneeds theability toopenherhand.That is theprerequisiteabilityforthatsituation.If,forexample,herhandiscramped,orsheissufferingfromsomeformofseriousneurologicalcondition,orherhandisparalyzedbyapoisonoussnakebite,shewillbeunabletoopenherhand,andshewillnotbeabletoletgoofthecoal.Hence,lettinggoiseasyonlyinthepresenceoftherightprerequisiteabilities.

Thatiswhymyjourneyoflettinggorequiressomucheffortandpractice—all the effort and practice goes into developing the prerequisite abilities forletting go. For example, all that training in mindfulness is to strengthen theprefrontal cortex of my brain so that I can develop the ability to let go ofdistractions.All that traininginsamatha(calm-abiding)andvipassana(insight)is so Icandevelop theability to letgoofaddiction tosensorydesire.All thattraininginbrahmavihara(sublimestates)issoIcandeveloptheabilitytoletgoofillwill.Ineverycase,therearetwoparts:theimmenseefforttodeveloptheprerequisiteabilitiesforlettinggo,andthelettinggoitself.Therehastobebotheffortand lettinggo.AjahnBrahmhasa funnyanalogy involvingadonkey inhis wonderful book Mindfulness, Bliss, and Beyond. Here it is (edited for

length):

[In the old days, when people used donkeys to pull carts, they]wouldattachalongsticktothecart,sothatitextendedacoupleoffeetinfrontofthedonkey’shead.Astringwastiedtothefrontendof the stick, and a big juicy carrot tied to the end of the string.Motivatedby . . . thecarrot . . . , thedonkeywouldmove forwardandtherebypullthecart....Buddhistdonkeys,however,knowhowto get that carrot! They run like hell after that carrot, puttingmaximum effort (viriya) and concentration (samadhi) intomovingthatcartasfastastheycan.Ofcourse,thecarrotmovesjustasfast,always remaininga couple feet in front of thedonkey’smouth.Atthis point, the Buddhist donkey . . . suddenly [stops]! Because ofmomentum,thecarrotswingsevenfurtherfromthedonkey,arcingup further than it has ever been before. But this donkey has faith(saddha) and wisdom (panna) and so waits patiently withmindfulness (sati), since effort and concentration have done theirwork.Patientlyobserving,thedonkeyseesthecarrotswingawaytothe extreme, and then sees it begin to swing back again. . . .Practicing patience, the donkey does nothing. It is the carrot thatdoesalltheworkasitcomescloserandcloser.Attherightmoment,thedonkeysimplyopensitsmouthandthebigjuicycarrotcomesinallbyitself.Crunch!Munch!Mmm!5

Freedom!

One of the most fascinating meditation texts I have come across is a set ofinstructionswrittenforacook.Itwaswrittenintheyear1237bytheZenmasterDogenZenji(1200–1253),founderofSotoZeninJapanandoneofthegreatestZenmasters in Japanese history. The title of the text isTenzoKyokun,whichliterallymeans“instructionsforthemonkinchargeofcookingmeals”(usuallyrenderedinEnglishasInstructionsfortheCook).TruetotheZenteachingthatmeditationpracticehappensbothonthemeditationcushionandinallactivitiesindailylife,theTenzoKyokunmixesmundaneinstructionssuchas“Whenthatday’sgruelisfinished,washthepots,steamtherice,andpreparethesoup”with

someprofoundmeditationinstructions.Tome,themostimportantinstructioninthetextisDogen’sinstructiontopracticetheThreeMinds:TheJoyfulMind,theCaringMind,andtheGreatMind.

I learned ofDogen’s ThreeMinds about a quarter of theway through thewriting of this book, and to my pleasant surprise, I realized it correspondsdirectlytowhatIhadplannedtowriteabout,inexactlythesameordertaughtbyDogen.First,weestablishtheJoyfulMind,bothinmeditationandindailylife.In addition to joy, establish the CaringMind. I found it very interesting thatDogen’s words that got translated as “caring mind” in English literally mean“oldmind”in theoriginalJapanese.Dogenexplainedthat theoldmindis“thespiritoffathersandmothers”—itisthemindofalovingparentcaringforhisorher beloved only child. In other words, it is the mind of loving-kindness,compassion,andaltruisticjoy.Finally,ontopoftheJoyfulMindandtheCaringMind,weestablishtheGreatMind.

WhatistheGreatMind?TheGreatMindisthemindoffreedom.TheGreatMinddescribedbyDogenintheTenzoKyokunisbeyondthescopeofthisbook(specifically, Dogen talked about mind of nonduality, and I joke that I getnonduality only half the time), but there is one extremely important aspect ofthatfreedomthatiswithinthescopeofthisbook,andthatisfreedomfromthecausesofsuffering.

Ultimately,thereasontopracticeandmastermeditationistofreeourselvesand others from all suffering and its causes. It is not about stress relief, orcreativity, or confidence; it is not even about enjoying food better. It is about

reducing, perhaps even eliminating, suffering in the world, beginning withreducingoreliminatingsufferingwithinoneself,andtostartbycultivatinginnerpeace, inner joy, and compassion. Peace is the beginning of the end of allsuffering.

Myfriends,Ihopeyouwillbecomestronginallthreepillarsofyourpractice—samatha,vipassana,andbrahmavihara—andmasteratleastoneofthem,andindoingso,Ihopethatyouwillembodyinnerpeace,innerjoy,andcompassion,andtherebyreduceoreliminatethesufferinginthisworld.

EPILOGUE

Don’tStopandDon’tStrain

WhenIstartedwritingmyfirstbook,SearchInsideYourself,Iwasn’tintendingtowriteabookatall—Iwasjustwritingdownnotes.Backin2007,whenIwasstillanengineeratGoogle,Iledthecreationofthemindfulness-basedemotionalintelligence curriculum there called Search InsideYourself. It quickly becamethehighest-ratedcourseinallofGoogle(andremainssotothisday,onthedayI’mwritingthissentence,whichisFriday,incaseyouask).In2010,Idecidedwe needed to trainmore teachers for the course, so I startedwriting down indetail what I taught in class, to serve as teaching notes for future teachers. ItquicklydawnedonmethatIwasactuallywritingabook,soIdecidedtoturnitinto a book project. I asked mymanager at Google, KarenMay, for thirteenweeks of unpaid leave to write the book. Karen looked at mewith her usualkindnessandconcernthatsheappearstohaveanunlimitedsupplyof,andasked,“Doyou realistically thinkyou canwrite an entire book in thirteenweeks?” Isaid, “Ihaveno idea,but Iknowoneway to findout.”My leave requestwasapproved.

Karenwasright—Iwasn’table towrite thebookin thirteenweeks.It tookme fourteen weeks. I had a good explanation for Karen, though. During mywritingperiod,theDalaiLamawasintownforalmostaweek,andIspentmostofthattimewithhim.TheDalaiLamahasbecomemyexcusefortardiness.

Writingmysecondbook, thebookyouare reading rightnow,hasbeenanentirely different experience. My literary agent, Stephanie, warned me thatwriting a second book is usually much harder than writing a first one. Thereason: by the time you get down to writing your first book, the content hasprobablybeeninyourheadforaverylongtime,whereasinwritingyoursecondbook, you don’t usually have the same luxury. Shewas right.My experiencewritingthisbookisonethatappearsmoretypicalforanauthor:prolongedandverystressful.Writingspreadoverninemonths,involvinghundredsofhoursofintensewriting,researching,reviewing,andediting,andIdidthatwhileholding

aday jobanddealingwithamultitudeofother issues inmy life.When Iwasdone,Ipromisedmyselfneveragaintowriteanotherbookwhileholdingadayjob,ever.Someauthorfriendstellmewritingabookislikebeingpregnant:neartheendoftheprocess,youvownevertodoitagain,andthenyouchangeyourmindafterafewmonthsoryears.

Through the very stressful process of writing this book, I had plenty ofopportunitiestopracticewhatIpreachhere,includingeasingintojoy,incliningthemindtowardjoy,andupliftingthemindwithjoyinthemidstofdifficulty,allofwhichworked.Inaddition,throughoutthewholeprocess,IrealizedIwaspracticingaprinciplethatappliesnotjusttowritingthisbookbutalsotoeverylonganddifficultendeavor,includingmostoflifeitself.ItmayevenbethecasethatthisoneprincipleunderlieseverythingIhavewrittenaboutinthisbook,andtheprincipleis:Don’tStopandDon’tStrain.

Asusual, I learned this important lesson froman ancientBuddhist text. Inthe text, someone poetically asks the Buddha how he attained deliverance:“How, dear sir, did you cross the flood?”1 The Buddha answers, “By notstopping, friend,andbynotstrainingIcrossed the flood.”TheBuddhafurtherexplainsthatifhehadstrained,hewouldhavebeensweptaway,andifhehadstopped,hewouldhavesunk.Therefore,hedidnotstopanddidnotstrain.Thisis avery important lesson forme. In anykindofdifficult situation, especiallyonethatappearsprolonged,Imustaspiretohavethedeterminationtonotgiveup,andalsotocultivatetheinnerpeace,innerjoy,andcompassiontobeateaseasmuchaspossible.

Ihopethiswillbeauseful lessonforyoutoo.Nomatterwhereyouare inlifeorwhatishappeningaroundyou—ifyouwakeuphappyorsad,ifyouarequicktoangerorafraidtospeakup,ifyouaretryingtoaccomplishsomethingandyou cannot see the end—this principle, and thepractices I have shared inthisbook,offeramorejoyfulwaythrough.

Myfriends,onyourpath to innergreatness,mayyouneverstopandneverstrain.

Acknowledgments

WhenIlookbackonmylife,IfeelIhavebeensavedbyamazinggrace.Iusedto be somiserablemy life trajectory could have taken one ofmany very baddirections.Icouldhavestayedmiserablefortherestofmylife,andthankstomyunfortunately high intelligence, become very effective at spreading sufferingaroundme.Or,Icouldhavespentmywholelifefeelingbitterandwallowinginself-pity. Or, quite likely, I might have ended my life early (on purpose, orotherwise).Buthappily,noneofthathappened.Almostbychance,Ilearnedthathappinessisahighlytrainablementalskill.Itrained,andIbecamehappy.Betterthanthat,Ibecameagoodperson(or,atleast,lessofadickthanIusedtobe).As an unintended side effect of that training, I also became successful in aworldlysensebeyondmywildestdreams.Wow.

ThewisdomandtrainingmethodsthataffordedmethisdramaticchangeinmylifetrajectorycomefromtheBuddha.Infact,all that isgoodinmecomesfrom the Buddha and his teachings. I was lost, but now I’m home. Everymomentinmeditationwherethemindisatpeace,IfeelI’mhome.Ihavetakento reading the (very voluminous) collection of the original text of EarlyBuddhismknownastheNikayas(literally:volumes),andwitheverydiscourseIreadIfeelIamhome.It’sallsofamiliartome.Thankyou,belovedOldMan.Iwas lost, and you tookme home. I am grateful to you, and grateful for you,everysingledayofmylife.Ihopethatsometimebeforethislifetimeends,Iwillbeworthyofbeinginyourshadow.

I’mgratefultothemanyteachersanddearfriendsovertheyearswhohavetaught me various aspects of the skill for happiness. Among them are HisHoliness the Dalai Lama; His Holiness the Karmapa; the Most ReverendArchbishop Desmond Tutu; the late Godwin Samararatne; the VenerablesSangye Khadro, Ayya Tathaaloka Bhikkhuni, Bhikkhu Bodhi, Ajahn Brahm,TenzinPriyadarshi,TrungramGyaltrulRinpoche,SakyongMiphamRinpoche,Matthieu Ricard, and Yongey Mingyur Rinpoche; Zen teachers Thich NhatHanh, Norman Fischer, Shinzen Young, Soryu Forall, and Joan Halifax; layteachersJonKabat-Zinn,JackKornfield,TrudyGoodman,ShailaCatherine,S.

N. Goenka, A. T. Ariyaratne, Thupten Jinpa, Alan Wallace, and SharonSalzberg; yogamaster Sadhguru JaggiVasudev; andChristian teachers FatherLaurence Freeman and Brother David Steindl-Rast. Some of you may besurprisedtoseenon-Buddhistteachersonthislist.Youshouldn’tbe.Ifindthatthedeeperone’smeditativepractice, themoreone finds thatallcontemplativetraditionspoint to thesamecommoncoreof innergoodness.TheDalaiLama,for example, said that the Sermon on the Mount is very close to Buddhistthinking on nonviolence, and cause and effect. When I’m discussing theintricaciesofsamathaandcompassionpracticeswithBrotherDavid,itfeelsnodifferent from having the same discussion with a Buddhist master. BrotherDavid toldmehisBenedictinemonasteryoncehostedaZenmonk for severalmonths,andat theendofhisstay,all theBenedictinemonkssaidtheyfelt theZenmonktobe“oneofus,arealbrother,”andtheZenmonkfeltthesamewayabout theBenedictinemonks.Youarriveat thesamebeautifulplace,whateveryourspiritualtradition.

Thankyou,dearfriendsandteachers,forteachingmetobehappy.I’d like to thank the verymany peoplewho haveworkedwithme on this

book. You might think that becoming a successful author is a solitaryachievement.Noooooooo. . . .Likeeverythingelse, thesuccessofanauthoristhe result of thehardworkofverymanypeople: the illustrator, the agent, theeditors, the sales and marketing folks, the people who design the cover andlayout, the lady who operates the printing machine, the guy who drives thedeliverytruck,etc.,etc.Nobodysucceedsonhisown.Everybodywhosucceedsdoessoontheeffortofotherpeople.Thankyouall,myfriends.I’despeciallyliketomentionafewpeople.First,ColinGoh,myextremelytalentedillustrator,friend,andadvisor,who,onceagain,didanamazing jobcreating thecartoonsforme. I’mverygrateful tomyagent,StephanieTade.Stephaniewas theonewhocon...er...convincedmetowritethisbook.ShehadmuchmorefaithinmethanIhadinmyself.Shewasmyguideandcheerleaderateverystepoftheprocess,andshewasprotectiveofmelikeacaringbigsister.Shewas,andstillis,alwayslookingoutforme.Allthat,andshehastakentheBodhisattvaVow.Ihonesty could not have chosen a better book agent in the whole world, likereally.(YourHoliness,ifyou’rereadingthisandyou’reinneedofabookagent,<wink> <wink> <nudge> <nudge>). I’m also very grateful for my editor,GideonWeil.Gideonisbrilliant,insightful,responsive,andcaring.Heishonestyet skillful, respectful, and open-minded in expressing his opinions. Dealingwithauthorsmustnotbeeasy,andhedoesitwithcompassionatefinesse.Infact,

whenStephanieandIwereplanning thisbook, Idecided that theonlyeditor IwantedtoworkwithwasGideon.That’showmuchIloveworkingwithhim.I’dalsoliketothankmydevelopmenteditorStephanieHiggs,myresearchassistantMaaheem Akhtar, my executive assistant Karen Ellis, and all the wonderfulfolks at HarperCollins: Melinda Mullin, Mark Tauber, Laina Adler, HilaryLawson, Kim Dayman, Terri Leonard, Sarah Woodruff, Lisa Zuniga, RalphFowler, and Ali Shaw. I am thankful to friends who took the time to readthrough my early drafts and gave me many useful suggestions andencouragement, including Jungeun You, Richard Davidson, Matthieu Ricard,Ayya Tathaaloka Bhikkhuni, Yunha Kim, Shinzen Young, Greg Simpson,Jonathan Berent, Paul Singerman, David Yeung, Marc Lesser, Dawn Engle,DekilaChungyalpa,TreenaHuang,VishnuVasu,HueAnhNguyen,RichHua,CatarinaAhlvik,EricHarr,PeterWeng,andSoryuForall. I’malsograteful tothe wonderful lady, health and fitness coach Joyell Hayes (see:joyellhayes.com),forsokindlysellingmethejoyondemand.comdomain.

I’m blessed to havemany famous friends. They are all extremely busy, Iknow,sowhenIaskedthemforanendorsementforthisbook,Iexpectedhalfofthemtosayno.However,almostallofthemsaidyesimmediately.Wow.Ratherthanlistingthemalloutrighthere,youcanfindtheirnamesintheendorsementssection of this book.Thank you all,my dear,wonderful friends. There is oneperson in particular I want to single out because his kindness and generositymovedmetotears.PresidentJimmyCarter.AfterIsentmyendorsementrequesttoPresidentCarter,hisstaffinformedmethathewasunabletogetbacktomebecause he had just lost a twenty-eight-year-old grandson, who had diedsuddenlyofaheartattack.Ifeltreallysadanddecidednottofollowuponmyrequest. I figured that President Carter had plenty to deal with in his life. Itturnedout,PresidentCarterdidn’tforgetmyrequestatall.AfewweeksafterIasked,hesurprisedmebysendingmeaverykindendorsementforthisbook.Iwasdeeply touched. Iwasso touchedIdidn’tevenknowwhat tosay. Icouldspeakonlyintears.Withall thepainthathehadtodealwith,hestill tookthetimetodosomethingniceforme,whichhetotallydidn’thaveto.Wow.Icanonly thinkofpayinghiskindness forwardbyworkingharder in service to theworld.Thankyousomuch,PresidentCarter.Youaremyhero.

(And yes, in case you wonder, President Carter is as kind, loving, andwonderfulinpersonasheisinpublic.Heinspiresmetobeagoodperson.)

I amdeeply thankful tomyparents. I’ve alwaysknown the sacrifices theymadeforme,includingsufferingphysicalhunger,butwritingthisbookgaveme

theopportunitytoreflectontheirkindnessevenmore,andI’mgratefulforthat.Lastandforemost,I’mdeeplythankfultomylovelywife,Cindy,fortakingcareofmeandfor(still)keepingme,andtomybeautifuldaughter,Angel,forbeingthegreatestloveofmylife.

ToallofyouwhomIoweadebtofgratitudeto,letmerepayyoupartiallywiththispoem,mostlybecauseitcostsmenothing,andalsobecauseIdid thesamethinginmyfirstbookandnobodycomplained.

Let’sgo,vamanos.Beyondthelimitedmind.

Everybodylet’sgo.Welcometoawakening!

(InoriginalSanskrit:Gate,gate.Paragate.Parasamgate.Bodhisvaha!)

Notes

Introduction:HowILearnedtoBeJollyforFunandProfit

1. SteveLohr, “Hey,Who’sHe?WithGwyneth?TheGoogleGuy,”NewYorkTimes,September1,2007,http://joyondemand.com/r/meng_nyt.

2. Chade-Meng Tan, “Everyday Compassion at Google,” TED Talk, November 2010,http://joyondemand.com/r/meng_ted.

3. AndersonCooperinterviewingChade-MengTan,“Mindfulness,”60Minutes,CBSNews,December14,2014.

4. David G. Allan, “Google’s Algorithm for Happiness,” CNN, 2015,http://joyondemand.com/r/google_happiness.

5. PhilipBrickman,DanCoates,andRonnieJanoff-Bulman,“LotteryWinnersandAccidentVictims:IsHappinessRelative?”JournalofPersonalityandSocialPsychology36,no.8(1978):917–27.

6. DavidLykkenandAukeTellegen,“HappinessIsaStochasticPhenomenon,”PsychologicalScience7,no.3(1996):186–89.

7. J.A.Brefczynski-Lewis,etal.,“NeuralCorrelatesofAttentionalExpertiseinLong-TermMeditationPractitioners,”Proceedings of theNational Academy of Sciences of theUnited States of America104,no.27(2007):11483–88.

8. JonKabat-Zinn,WhereverYouGo,ThereYouAre:MindfulnessMeditationinEverydayLife(NewYork:Hyperion,1994).

9. What he taught me, I learned later on, was a form of meditation called vipassana, or insightmeditation, a less rigorous version of which is popularly known in the West as mindfulnessmeditation.

10. Anthony Barnes, “The Happiest Man in the World?” The Independent, January 20, 2007,http://joyondemand.com/r/happiest_man.

11. YongeyMingyurRinpoche,TheJoyofLiving:UnlockingtheSecretandScienceofHappiness(NewYork:ThreeRiversPress,2008).

12. Richard Davidson, et al., “Alterations in Brain and Immune Function Produced by MindfulnessMeditation,”PsychosomaticMedicine65,no.4(2003):564–70.

13. MatthieuRicard,Happiness:AGuidetoDevelopingLife’sMostImportantSkill(NewYork:Little,

BrownandCompany,2003).

14. ShawnAchor,TheHappinessAdvantage:TheSevenPrinciples ofPositivePsychologyThatFuelSuccessandPerformanceatWork(NewYork:CrownBusiness,2010).

15. Shawn Achor, “The Happiness Dividend,” Harvard Business Review, June 23, 2011,http://joyondemand.com/r/happiness_dividend.

ChapterOne:JoyBecomesYou1. Personalcommunicationsviaemail.

2. WalterIsaacson,SteveJobs(NewYork:Simon&Schuster,2013).

3. Thisstory,originallyinJonahLehrer’sarticle“TheEurekaHunt”inTheNewYorker(July2008),isalsoverifiedwithJohnKouniosviapersonalcommunications.

4. SigalG.BarsadeandDonaldE.Gibson,“WhyDoesAffectMatterinOrganizations?”AcademyofManagementPerspectives21(February2007):36–59.

5. TeresaM.Amabile,etal.,“AffectandCreativityatWork,”AdministrativeScienceQuarterly50,no.3(2005):367–403.

6. Shinzen Young, “Shinzen, the Mindful Math Geek,” YouTube, December 6, 2009,http://joyondemand.com/r/shinzen_math,andpersonalcommunications.

7. ElaineHatfield and Susan Sprecher, “Men’s andWomen’s Preferences inMarital Partners in theUnitedStates,Russia,andJapan,”JournalofCross-CulturalPsychology26,no.6(1995):728–50.

8. OliviaFoxCabane,TheCharismaMyth:HowAnyoneCanMastertheArtandScienceofPersonalMagnetism(London:Portfolio,2013).

9. Landon Thomas Jr., “A $31 Billion Gift Between Friends,” New York Times, June 27, 2006,http://joyondemand.com/r/billion_friends.

ChapterTwo:JustOneBreath?SurelyYouJest

1. Y. Y. Tang, et al., “Short-Term Meditation Training Improves Attention and Self-Regulation,”Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences of the United States of America 104, no. 43(2007):17152–56.

2. MichaelD.Mrazek, et al., “MindfulnessTraining ImprovesWorkingMemoryCapacity andGREPerformanceWhileReducingMindWandering,”PsychologicalScience24,no.5(2013):776–81.

3. A. C. Hafenbrack, Z. Kinias, and S. G. Barsade, “Debiasing the Mind Through Meditation:MindfulnessandtheSunk-CostBias,”PsychologicalScience25,no.2(2014):369–76.

4. P.Kaliman,etal.,“RapidChanges inHistoneDeacetylasesandInflammatoryGeneExpression inExpertMeditators,”Psychoneuroendocrinology40(2014):96–107.

5. ThisisafamousdialoguefromtheclassiccomedymovieAirplane.“Surelyyoucan’tbeserious.”“Iamserious.Anddon’tcallmeShirley.”Thisfootnoteexistsforthebenefitofallthreeofyouwhohaven’twatchedthatmovie.

6. MichaelMosley,“TheTruthAboutExercise,”Horizon,directedbyTobyMacDonald,BBCTwo,

airedFebruary28,2012.

7. CharlesDuhigg,ThePowerofHabit:WhyWeDoWhatWeDo inLifeandBusiness (NewYork:RandomHouse,2012).

ChapterThree:FromOneBreathtoOneGoogol

1. NimittaSutta(TheDiscourseonMeditationSigns),AnguttaraNikaya3:103.

ChapterFour:What,MeHappy?

1. MalcolmGladwell,“TheNakedFace,”TheNewYorker(August5,2002).

2. UpanisaSutta(TheDiscourseonProximateCauses),SamyuttaNikaya12:23.

3. Somanypapersonthistopic,buthereisagoodone,fromwhichyoucanfindreferencestomanyothers: Kennon M. Sheldon and Sonja Lyubomirsky, “How to Increase and Sustain PositiveEmotion:TheEffectsofExpressingGratitudeandVisualizingBestPossibleSelves,”TheJournalofPositivePsychology1,no.2(2006):73–82.

4. One good paper on the power of gratitude journals is: Robert A. Emmons and Michael E.McCullough,“CountingBlessingsVersusBurdens:AnExperimentalInvestigationofGratitudeandSubjective Well-Being in Daily Life,” Journal of Personality and Social Psychology 84, no. 2(2003):377–89.

5. Brigid Schulte, “To Achieve Happiness: 5 habits, 2 minutes,” The Columbus Dispatch, July 14,2015.

6. Akira Kasamatsu and Tomio Hirai, “An Electroencephalographic Study on the Zen Meditation(Zazen),”FoliaPsychiatricaetNeurologicaJaponica20,no.4(1966):315–36.

7. Amit Bhattacharjee and Cassie Mogilner, “Happiness from Ordinary and ExtraordinaryExperiences,”JournalofConsumerResearch41,no.1(2014):1–17.

8. Eric Weiner, “Bhutan’s Dark Secret to Happiness,” BBC, April 8, 2015,http://joyondemand.com/r/bhutan_happiness.

9. C.N.DeWallandR.F.Baumeister,“FromTerror toJoy:AutomaticTuningtoPositiveAffectiveInformationFollowingMortalitySalience,”PsychologicalScience18,no.11(2007):984–90.

10. ShinzenYoung,“ThePowerofGone,”Tricycle,Fall2012.

11. Personalcommunicationsviaemail.

ChapterFive:UplifttheMindinSeconds

1. Mat Smith, “Life Lessons from the World’s Happiest Man,” Esquire (December 15, 2015),

http://joyondemand.com/r/matthieu_learned.

2. NyanaponikaThera, et al., “Mudita:TheBuddha’sTeachingonUnselfish Joy,”Access to Insight(2013),http://joyondemand.com/r/mudita.

3. H.H.DalaiLama,BeyondReligion:EthicsforaWholeWorld(Boston:MarinerBooks,2012).

4. AnguttaraNikaya5:35.

5. Barbara L. Fredrickson, et al., “Open Hearts Build Lives: Positive Emotions, Induced ThroughLoving-KindnessMeditation,BuildConsequentialPersonalResources,”JournalofPersonalityandSocialPsychology95,no.5(2008):1045–62.

6. In the Visuddhimagga (Path of Purification), a fifth-century Buddhist text, the near enemy ofaltruistic joy is puzzlingly identified as “joy based on the home life,” but it basically describesunwholesomepleasure.TheVisuddhimagganamesthenearenemiesoftheotherthreesublimestatesslightlylesspuzzlinglyasgreed,grief,andunknowing,respectively,whichIhaverenderedinthissectioninawaythatevenIcanunderstand.Itisworthnotingthatmodernmeditationteachershaveverysimilarbutnotusuallyidenticallistsofnearandfarenemiesforeachimmeasurable.Inmyowncase,Itrytostayasclosetotheearliestknownsourceaspossible,whichistheVisuddhimagga.

7. Ifyou’reinterestedtolearnmore,hereisashortandveryreadableintroductiontovagaltonewrittenbyJamesHeathers:“IntroductiontoVagalTone,”http://joyondemand.com/r/vagal_tone.

8. BethanyE.Kok, et al., “HowPositiveEmotionsBuildPhysicalHealth:PerceivedPositiveSocialConnections Account for the Upward Spiral Between Positive Emotions and Vagal Tone,”PsychologicalScience24,no.7(2013):1123–32.

9. DacherKeltner,“TheCompassionateInstinct:ADarwinianTaleofSurvivaloftheKindest,”MengWu Lecture, Stanford School of Medicine, Palo Alto, CA, September 29, 2011,http://joyondemand.com/r/dacher_compassion.

10. BethanyE.KokandBarbaraL.Fredrickson,“UpwardSpiralsoftheHeart:AutonomicFlexibility,as Indexed byVagalTone,Reciprocally andProspectivelyPredicts PositiveEmotions andSocialConnectedness,”BiologicalPsychology85,no.3(2010):432–36.

ChapterSix:HappinessIsFullofCrap

1. Personalcommunicationsviaemail.

2. ChristopherChabrisandDanielSimons,TheInvisibleGorilla:HowOurIntuitionsDeceiveUs(NewYork:Harmony,2010).

3. LouisC.K.onLateNightwithConanO’Brien,NBC,October1,2008.

4. ThichNhatHanh,TheMiracleofMindfulness(Boston:BeaconPress,1999).

5. LouisC.K.onLateNightwithConanO’Brien.

6. Personalcommunications.

7. PaulRepsandNyogenSenzaki,ZenFlesh,ZenBones:ACollectionofZenandPre-ZenWritings(Boston:TuttlePublishing,1998).

8. Matthieu Ricard, Altruism: The Power of Compassion to Change Yourself and the World (NewYork:Little,Brown,2015):56–57.

ChapterSeven:TheGreatMindIsBetterthanSex

1. AjahnBrahm, “LifeMomentswithAjahnBrahmavamso (AjahnBrahm),”YouTube, February 5,2013,http://joyondemand.com/r/brahm_moments.

2. ThisparableispartoftheseventhstageintheTenStagesdescribedintheAvatamsakaSutra.

3. MichaelR.Hagerty, et al., “CaseStudyofEcstaticMeditation: fMRIandEEGEvidenceofSelf-StimulatingaRewardSystem,”NeuralPlasticity2013(2013),articleID653572.

4. There is a collection of studies each addressing a different aspect of the relationship betweenemotionalawareness,empathy,andtheinsula.CraigandHerbertsuggestsignificantlinksbetweenstrongemotionalawarenessandawarenessofinner-bodyfeelingsviaactivityintheinsula,includingperceptionofheartbeats,whileSingerdescribesmanystudiesthatlinktheinsulatoempathy.Lutzsuggestsalltheseabilitiesaretrainablewithmeditation.

A.D.Craig,“HumanFeelings:WhyAreSomeMoreAwareThanOthers?”TrendsinCognitiveSciences8,no.6(2004):239–41;BeateHerbert,OlgaPollatos,andRainerSchandry,“InteroceptiveSensitivityandEmotionProcessing:AnEEGStudy,”InternationalJournalofPsychophysiology65,no. 3 (2007): 214–27; Antione Lutz, et al., “Regulation of the Neural Circuitry of Emotion byCompassionMeditation:EffectsofMeditativeExpertise,”PLoSOne3,no.3(2008):e1897;TaniaSinger, “Understanding Others: Brain Mechanisms of Theory of Mind and Empathy” inNeuroeconomics:DecisionMaking and the Brain, 2nd ed., eds. P.W.Glimcher, et al. (London:AcademicPress,2009):251–68.

5. AjahnBrahm,Mindfulness,Bliss,andBeyond:AMeditator’sHandbook(Somerville,MA:WisdomPublications,2006).

Epilogue:Don’tStopandDon’tStrain

1. SamyuttaNikaya1:1.ThefactthatthisistheveryfirstdiscourseintheveryvoluminousSamyuttaNikaya collection probably signifies its great importance. For the entire collection translatedwonderfully in English, see: Bhikkhu Bodhi, The Connected Discourses of the Buddha: ATranslationoftheSamyuttaNikaya,2nded.(Somerville,MA:WisdomPublications,2003).

AbouttheAuthor

CHADE-MENGTAN is an award-winning engineer, international bestsellingauthor,thoughtleader,andphilanthropist.HeiscochairofOneBillionActsofPeace(nominatedseventimesfortheNobelPeacePrize)andfoundingchairofthe Search Inside Yourself Leadership Institute. As the former Jolly GoodFellowatGoogle,Mengledthecreationofagroundbreakingmindfulness-basedemotional intelligence course called Search InsideYourself,which is also thetitle of hisNew York Times bestselling book.Meng delivered a TED talk oncompassion at the United Nations and spoke at the White House about thedevelopment of kindness. His personal motto is “Life is too important to betakenseriously.”

Discovergreatauthors,exclusiveoffers,andmoreathc.com.

http://ads.harpercollins.com/bpbobahc

PraiseforJoyonDemand

“WithJoyonDemand,Mengcontinuestofurtherhisgoalofpromotingabetterlifegroundedinhappinessforhisfellowhumanbeings.Icommendhiseffortstobuildabetterworldwithhumor,persistence,andmeditation.”

—JimmyCarter,39thPresidentoftheUnitedStates

“We live in a world of constant external stimulation where we are told thatmaterialsuccessisthesourceofourhappinessandwhatwehaveisnever,everenough. In reality, thesource forhappinessandcontentment iswithinusandcanbeaccessedwithonebreath.Withthat,wecanexperienceanaturalsenseofwonderment and awarenessofwhat is. InJoyonDemand,Mengpresentsmind-trainingtoolssuchasthesethatarefreeoftraditionalreligioustrappingsand made accessible for everyone. His contagious humor and his gentleguidancehavethepotentialtodeeplyimpacttoday’ssociety.”

—HisHolinessthe17thGyalwangKarmapa,OgyenTrinleyDorje

“Joy on Demand introduces us to a powerful, life-changing idea: No matterwhereweareinourlives,weallhavetheabilitytoaccessjoy.Mengisawiseand entertaining guide, generously sharing his own incredible life story andoutlining thepractical stepswecanall take toactually trainourselves to livelifewithlessstress,morewisdom,andmorefulfillment.”

—AriannaHuffington,cofounderandeditor-in-chiefofTheHuffingtonPost

“What caught my attention was Chade-Meng Tan’s confession: ‘I startedmeditatingbecauseIwasmiserableenoughtotryanything.’So,happinesswasnotsomethingthatcamenaturallytohim;itwasaskillhehadtolearn.Buthefoundthattheabilitytoaccessjoyishighlytrainable.Joyledhimtosuccess,andnowinturnheshowshimselftobejustthekindoftraineryou’dhopefor:heanswersyourquestionsexactlywhenyouareabouttoaskthemasyouread

along.He isnot talkingatyou,butwithyouandshowscompassionevenforthe laziestcatsamongus.Meng is fun tobewithand fun to read.Fun,evenwhenhewritesaboutseriousconcerns.Let’sbehonest:whatconcernsusmoreseriously thanhow tobehappy?Butheknows that it isequally important toalsolearnworkingwithpainaswetrainourselvesintheartofjoy.Yes,inJoyonDemandChade-MengTanprovestobeabrilliantlyconvincingsalesmanforthe power of joy. Yet, he does more than persuade: through step-by-stepexerciseshedeliversthegoods.”

—Brother David Steindl-Rast, OSB, cofounder of A Network forGratefulLiving

“Sometimesthemostsimpleideasarethehardesttograsp.Usinghismeditationtraining, Chade-Meng Tan shows how we can reliably access the vast andtranscendent nature of joy and transform it into a sustainable resource thatincreasesthehappinessinoureverydaylives.”

—SakyongMipham,authorofTheShambhalaPrinciple

“Joy onDemand reminds us thatwe all have a seed of joy inside of us. Thisbookwillticklethatspecialplaceinyouthatwillignitemorehappinessinyourheart.”

—Goldie Hawn, Academy Award–winning actress, producer, andbestsellingauthor

“Joy on Demand is a formidable articulation of what it means to cultivatemindfulness in all its dimensionalities, andwhy it is worth perseveringwithbotheffortandeffortlessness.Meng’slogicandclarityareinspiring,infectious,andtransformative.”

—Jon Kabat-Zinn, founder of Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction(MBSR) and author ofFullCatastropheLiving andComing toOurSenses

“Thiswonderfulbookisfun toread,withcartoons, jokes,andbanterallalongthe way. But don’t let Meng’s humor and lightheartedness fool you intothinking his ideas are just funny too. As many who have long practicedmeditationcanattest,includingMenghimself,theinstructionsgiveninJoyon

Demandcantransformyourlife.Enjoythebookandtrainyourmind!You’llbehappierforit.”

—SharonSalzberg,authorofLovingkindnessandRealHappiness

“Awonderfulhow-tobookonthejoysofjoyandthewaytogetthere.Chade-Meng Tan, the Jolly Good Fellow at Google for years, takes readers on alightning path through his own discovery, viameditation and science, of thedeep and high value of joy. He should know: he is an engineer, and a veryfunny one at that. I loved reading his book. It is full of smiles, questions,cartoons,andstories,plusalotofgoodscience,thatmakeitaveryrichread.JoyonDemandisatreasurehouseoftheheartandmind.”

—RoshiJoanHalifax,Ph.D.,abbotofUpayaZenCenter

“Chade-Meng Tan seduces you with taking the first step, which is payingattentiontoonebreath.And,ifgoingbeyondthatistooboringordifficult,doitagain.Whichmeansyouhavenowpaidattentiontothesecondbreath.AZenmaster asked: How long is one lifetime? Answer: A lifetime is the periodbetweentwobreaths(meaningthefirstandthelast).JoyonDemandisatitlethat is half meant in humor, but only half. It is a serious introduction tomeditation, themoreprofoundfor itbeingsosimplyexplained. Iamnowonmynextbreath.”

—GeorgeYeo,chairmanofKerryLogisticsandchancellorofNalandaUniversity

“ThisbookDEMANDsyourenJOYment.”

—TonyHsieh,CEOofZappos.com

“Inthisbook,Menghelpedmetoseethatjoyisn’tjustanemotion;it’salsoanaction.Bytappingintothejoythat isdeepinsideallofus,wegainaccess tothefoundationalbuildingblocksofcreatingahappylife.”

—Chip Conley, bestselling author of Emotional Equations andhospitalityentrepreneur

“Menghascapturedthesubjectofoursearchforjoywithhisusualeleganceandhumility.With both great respect for teachers and their wisdom, and simple

reductions to theessenceof thework,hegivesusall apath to follow that isclear and calm. All one must bring is the intention for a more joyful andresilientwaytolive,andthesepageswilldotherest!”

—Scott Kriens, chairman of Juniper Networks and director of 1440Foundation

“This is an importantbookwrittenbyavisionarywhohasbecomeoneof theworld’sforemostadvocatesforfindingjoyatwork.Chade-MengTanisararebreed—someone who understands the research but can make these ideaspracticalandusableeven ina fast-pacedworld.His friendlystylemakesyoufeel like you’re sitting down for coffee at Google with him right before heteaches his famous mind-training course. Tan has found a way to makemeditation and joy the bedrock principles of one of the most successfulcompanies in history by articulating their value through humor andwisdom.JoyonDemandwill definitely help you findgreater joy and success in yourworkaswell.”

—Shawn Achor, happiness researcher and bestselling author of TheHappinessAdvantage

“Whenabookofferspractical,scientificinsightsonsuccessandhappiness,I’mintrigued.When thatbookalsohascartoons, I’m in.Meng’sbook isa joyfullookatwherewecanfindmorejoyinourlives.”

—AdamGrant,professorattheWhartonSchoolandNewYorkTimesbestsellingauthorofGiveandTakeandOriginals

“With Meng’s new book, joy is about to go viral. These simple, delightfulinstructionsmakeitaseasytoexperience—andshare—asitcouldpossiblybe.”

—SteveChen,cofounderofYouTube

“We humans are privileged to have access to a higher kind of joy than otheranimals—joy that comes from doing good, being kind, having a sense ofhumor,creatingmusic,andfindingpeaceofmind.WithJoyonDemand,Mengreminds us that this human joy is themost reliable, lasting, and truly joyfulkind and shows us how to use nothing more (or less) than our own humanmindstogetit.”

—RayKurzweil,inventor,author,andfuturist

“Unlikemany books, Joy onDemand delivers on the promise of its title. LetMeng teach you the simple yet powerful skill of meditation—and happinessand success can be a mere breath away. Along with joy, you’ll find calm,clarity, and creativity through discipline of the mind. What do you have tolose?”

—DanPink,bestsellingauthorofToSellIsHumanandDrive

Credits

Frontcoverdesign:©HarperCollins;Coverillustration:ColinGoh

Copyright

JOYONDEMAND.Copyright©2016byChade-MengTan.All rightsreservedunderInternationalandPan-American Copyright Conventions. By payment of the required fees, you have been granted thenonexclusive,nontransferablerighttoaccessandreadthetextofthise-bookon-screen.Nopartofthistextmaybe reproduced, transmitted, downloaded, decompiled, reverse-engineered, or stored in or introducedinto any information storage and retrieval system, in any form or by anymeans, whether electronic ormechanical,nowknownorhereafterinvented,withouttheexpresswrittenpermissionofHarperCollinse-books.

HarperCollinswebsite:http://www.harpercollins.com

FIRSTEDITION

ArtworkbyColinGoh.Usedbypermission.

LibraryofCongressCataloging-in-PublicationData

Names:Tan,Chade-Meng,author.Title:Joyondemand:theartofdiscoveringthehappinesswithin/Chade-MengTan.Description:Firstedition.|NewYork:HarperOne,[2016]Identifiers:LCCN2015049480(print) |LCCN2016005573(ebook) | ISBN9780062378859(hardback) |

ISBN9780062482013(international) |ISBN9780062472380(audio)|ISBN9780062378941(e-book)EPubEditionApril2016ISBN9780062378941

Subjects:LCSH:Meditation. |Mindfulness (Psychology) |Happiness. |Emotional intelligence. |BISAC:SELF-HELP/PersonalGrowthHappiness.|BODY,MIND&SPIRITMeditation.

Classification:LCCBF637.M4T3452016(print)|LCCBF637.M4(ebook)|DDC152.4/2--dc23LCrecordavailableathttp://lccn.loc.gov/2015049480

1617181920RRD(H)10987654321