journaling as a spiritual discipline
TRANSCRIPT
Leaven Leaven
Volume 2 Issue 4 Spiritual Discipline Article 8
1-1-1994
Journaling as a Spiritual Discipline Journaling as a Spiritual Discipline
Jim Martin
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Spiritual Discipline 25
Journaling Asa SpiritualDiscipline
Jim Martin
In her book Gift from the Sea, Anne MorrowLindbergh writes, I begin these pages for myself, inorder to think out my own particular pattern ofliving, my own individual balance of life, work, andhuman relationships. And since I think best with apencil in my hand, I started to write ... "1 She de-scribes well the spiritual discipline of journaling.Many Christians have found journaling to be ex-tremely important to spiritual growth and develop-ment. For a number of years I have kept a dailyjournal. This practice has become one of the mostsignificant disciplines in my ongoing spiritual de-velopment. Before discussing the benefits ofjournaling, it might be helpful to clarify the discipline.
I. What is journaling?Journaling is not the mere recording of facts
about the day's events. It is more than keeping a logor diary. Rather, journaling involves reflection andcontemplation. In some quarters journaling hasbecome popular because of the human potentialmovement which spawned such efforts as Ira Progoff'sIntensive Journaling Workshops. Progoffwas a NewYork psychotherapist who had studied under Freud'sformer colleague, C.G. Jung. He concluded that oldmethods of individual psychotherapy were not ad-equate and began working with groups. He askedeach participant to keep a journal and discoveredthat the participants were far more honest in theirjournals than in what they articulated in therapy.Consequently he began to experiment, using thejournal as a way to probe the inner Iife."
Journaling as a spiritual discipline involves thecontemplation oflife in light of the spiritual center.
For Christians, that spiritual center is probably bestexpressed in that ancient and profound creedalstatement, "Jesus is Lord." Perhaps someone hasjust returned from the hospital, having visited herfather after a heart attack. Later, that same personmight reflect through journaling upon her ownmortality, fear of death, and hope of a life beyonddeath. For another, the day atwork might have onceagain been stressful. That person might reflect in ajournal upon the place of Jesus Christ in a tension-filled work environment in which the values beingexpressed are so unlike those ofthe Teacher. To livewith Christ as the spiritual center suggests not thatlife is fragmented but that all of life is ruled by theteaching and values of the one at the center.
Morton Kelsey has observed that if one wereinvited to the White House or Buckingham Palace, itwould seem very natural to write out a record of thevisit. Perhaps few of us will ever have such anexperience. We have, however, been invited into thepresence of the holy, majestic God who seeks rela-tionship with us. Kelsey suggests that not to recordsome of our experiences with God is to devalue thoseexperiences." Perhaps one might argue that such aconclusion is an overstatement. Nevertheless, hisobservation that journaling is extremely importantto the growth and development ofa Christ-follower isvalid.
The discipline ofjournaling is certainly not a newinsight or development. The Puritans argued thatjust as the captain ofa ship keeps a log, or the doctorsrecord their case studies, or a business person auditsthe business, so a believer should keep daily shortaccounts with God.' One inspirational journal in
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Christian literature is The Journal of John Wesley.One of Wesley's most memorable entries is datedTuesday, January 24, 1738. He was aboard a smallship returning to England in the midst of a terriblestorm. Afraid that he would die, he wrote the fol-lowing:
I went to America, to convert the Indians;but oh! who shall convert me? Who, whatis he that will deliver me from this evilheart of unbelief? I have a fair summerreligion. I can talk well; nay and believemyself, while no danger is near: but letdeath look me in the face, and my spirit istroubled."
Other notable published journals include JohnBunyan's GraceAbounding to the ChiefofSinners, theDiary of Anne Frank, The Journal of John Woolman,and Dag Hammarskjold'sMurkings. Hammarskjoldwas born in Sweden in 1905,served two terms asSecretary-General ofthe United Nations. Upon hissudden death in a plane crash, an undated note wasfound, along with his journal. In the note he refers tothe journal entries "as a sort ofwhi te bookconcerningmy negotiations with myself - and with God."
These journals record the successes and failures,the prayers, the depression, and the lives of humanbeings who were serious about living under the willof God.
II. How Can Keeping a Journal HelpMe Practically?
In addition to the value of recording one's lifelived under the will of God, several practical aids forliving that life are realized through keeping a jour-nal. First,journaling can enable oneboth to rememberand to clarify thoughts, feelings, and ideas.Kierkegaard spoke ofthe value ofmemory in dealingwith his own evasions when he said:
And so when in a quiet hour, memory visits him(and already at this point how different it is from thatvisit when memory threateningly knocks at the doorof the double minded manl), then it says to him, "Doyou remember that time, that time when the goodresolution conquered within you?" And he answers,''Yes, dear one! but then memory continues (andbetween lovers memory is so dear that they almostprefer to the sight of each other the whisper ofmemory when they say, "Can you remember thattime?" and "Can you remember that time?"), memorycontinues ... 6
How many times have you had a keen insight ora significant thought and then it occurred to you, "Ireally need to write that down"? However, the idea,
Keeping a journalhelps one to see
patterns of behavior ofwhich one may not beaware.
the feeling, the thought was never written and hassince been long forgotten. Such ideas and impressionsmay forever be lost. On numerous occasions, I havebeen keenly aware of some of my deepest concernsand longings only after first recording them in myjournal. On other occasions, I have had a seed ideawhich later developed and matured as a result ofhaving first written the idea in a journal.
Second,keeping ajournal helps one to see patternsof behavior of which one may not be aware. GordonMacDonald wrote concerning his practice ofjournaling:
At first it was difficult. Ifelt self-conscious.I was worried that I would lose the journalor that someone might peek inside to seewhat I'd said. But slowly the self-con-sciousness began to fade, and I foundmyself sharing in the journal more andmore of the thoughts that flooded myinner spirit. Into the journal went wordsdescribing my feelings, my fear and senseofweakness, myhopes, and my discoveriesabout where Christ was leading me. WhenI felt empty or defeated, I talked aboutthat too in the journal. Slowly I began torealize that the journal was helping mecome to grips with an enormous part ofmy inner person that I had never beenfully honest about. No longer could fearsand struggles remain inside withoutdefinition. They were surfaced and con-fronted ... 7
AB Jesus observed, people sometimes seem quitecompetent as speck inspectors but neglect the logs intheir own eyes (Matthew 7:3-5). Keeping a journaland then reading it journal can enable one to see the"logs" of behavior which need attention. Are thererecurring themes of anger, rationalization, and
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negative, destructive thought patterns? The purposeof discovering such a pattern is not simply self-exploration but the intersection of our lives withGod's redemptive work in our world. Perhaps thereare entries which reflect that you are offended andangry very regularly. As you read through theentries ask yourself how a total stranger mightperceive you upon reading the same entries. Wouldyou be perceived as a negative, critical person? Why?Is the language used violent and caustic? Askingsuch questions can help you to discover your tenden-cies and disposition. On Tuesday, August 2, 1988,while on a plane flying back from preaching inGrenada, I wrote:
Pride keeps me from receiving the ministryof others. Pride often keeps me fromlistening to others. Pride keeps me fromloving people. Pride keeps me from beinghuman and it keeps me from being hon-est. Finally, pride keeps me from flowingto people.
Some months later (October 23, 1988), I ad-dressed again the issue of pride:
Dear Father,As the weekend approaches, I find
myself becoming anxious ... yet, I do notwant to panic and throw the whole weekinto a tailspin as I am so prone to do.Create in me a clean and pure heart. Helpme to be a faithful father, husband, andchild of yours ... keep me from trying toimpress people with my importance orbusyness. Help me to build and nurturethose around me. May I always stay nearto you my Father and my Lord Jesus.
The Puritans developed a form of self-examina-tion by keeping spiritual journals. Their disciplinewas rigorous as they wrote about the events in boththeir interior and exterior worlds. They also recordedthose moments when God's presence and powerseemed more vivid and real." This is especially im-portant when encouragement is desperately needed.There are days when the dark clouds of depressionand despair threaten to rain hopelessness all overour lives. On those days when God seems to beremoved from life, remembering those days when heworked mightily in our lives can be very reassuring.
Third,journaling gives the opportunity to reflectupon the day and week in light of our faith. Unfor-tunately, too many days and weeks are lived withoutreflection and thought. Consequently, there may not
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be a real awareness of how faith is or is not beingintegrated into daily life. Too often there is no senseof rhythm to life. So often weeks and months passand there is no serious contemplation as to where weare in our spiritual journeys. How can we have anysense of where we are if there is no inventory of ourlives? Keeping a journal allows a built-in time toreview and examine the days and weeks in light ofone's faith in Jesus. Adults need to build rhythmregarding time into their lives. There is tremendousvalue in reflecting upon the meaning or significanceof the previous week or month. At the end of thecalendar year, a person can reflect upon the signifi-cance of that year.
Fourth, keeping a journal may give impor-tant insight about the state ofone's spiritualjourney.Readingjournal entries from several years back cangive insight into the past, the present, and the future.Twenty-one years ago (December 24, 1973) at agenineteen, during an agonizing "dark night of thesoul," I wrote four pages of reflections on my earlyyears. To this day these four pages continue to besignificant to my self-awareness. Perhaps it is muchlike taking a trip on an unfamiliar highway in themiddle of the night and then retracing the journeyduring the day. One can see the previously traveledroute and become aware of what could not be seenbefore.
Kelsey records the words ofone journalist who isdescribed as a gifted psychologist, author, andcounselor:
Myjournal is a friend. Through it I havemade discoveries which have enriched meand have enriched my relationships. It isimportant to see the journal in context,however, for the journal is one part of alarger life. Just as myjournal has affectedmy life so too have life experiences con-firmed and enhanced my inner discover-ies and pointed to new areas for explora-tion and consideration. Myjournal "works"best when it is part ofmy whole life, whenit is "in synch" with my outer relation-ships, work and spiritual life. SometimesI have used it to escape these outer factsor painful inner realities and have beenrewarded in kind. But the fact of using itfor an escape is then recorded and even inthose times I can more adequately workthrough my fears and problems. Keepinga journal has helped me become moreconscious of who I am and of God's rela-tionship with me. I have found that whenI ignore it for a day or two that I begin to
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feel sick. 1understand this to mean thatby not writing 1am cutting myself offfromone of my primary connections with Godand myself. Myjournal is a record and anongoing part of my journey."
III. How Does One Keep a Journal?Having a definite time each day for writing in the
journal is helpful because for many people,journalingrequires discipline. For me, that time is early in themorning before anyone else in my family awakens.With a cup of coffee, an open Bible or a thought-provoking book, and my journal, 1am ready to beginthe day.
1use a college-ruled, spiral-bound notebook. Atthe beginning of each notebook, 1write my personalmission statement. 1began doing this several yearsago because it caused me to do serious reflection onwhat 1 was about as a human being. This missionstatement was first hammered out after reflecting onScripture, the affirmation received by others, and myperceived strengths and gifts. Rewriting this state-ment at the beginning of each notebook causes me toreflect upon my commitment to the stated purpose.Having the statement at the beginning of the booksuggests that the entries in some way reflect acommitment to an understanding of my personalmission. After the personal mission statement, I listsome ofmy personal values. These operating valuesby which 1 attempt to live include the following:
(A) I will be a happy person and choose to beenthusiastic about life.
(B) I will be an encourager ... even to thosetoward whom 1would not naturally flow.
(C) I will show a genuine interest in thepeople around me.
(D) 1will maintain a rich, regular devotionaltime with God. This will include prayer, reflection,and journaling.
On one occasion someone said to me, "I amkeeping a journal but 1 don't know what to write."The entries might be varied; after all, the journal isfor the writer and not the writer for the journal. Oneshould feel free to use the journal in ways that areparticularly taken to oneself. There are a number ofapproaches that couldbe taken which are particularlyhelpful on any given day. One entry might be thereflection of the events of the day and their meaningin light of one's faith commitment. Written prayerscan help one to express to the Father some of thedeepest longings of the heart. A written prayer listcan bring to one's awareness the kinds of themeswhich are important in one's life. The journal can bea place where sins are confessed and repentanceoccurs before God. There are times when one may
just wish to write freely, reflecting on the past andGod's intervention in life. From books, the dailynewspaper, and other periodicals certain poignantquotes may jump out at you. The quote can be copiedas well as some reflection ofhow this quote interactswith the journalist's own thinking.
In the journal one might describe a conversationwith someone else or something that happened ear-lier in the day. Feelings that were experiencedduring and after the conversation can be described.These feelings may range from the affirmation re-ceived in a conversation to a feeling of intimidationand shame.
Absolute honesty is very important. We write toreveal ourselves to the Lord. Henri Nouwen kept aspiritual journal during his first year at L'Arche, acommunity for mentally handicapped adults inToronto. The journal reflects his move from servingas a professor at Harvard University to working withthese mentally retarded adults. Nouwen displayshis disarming honesty when he writes on SaturdayMarch 15:
I love Jesus but want to hold on to my ownfriends even when they do not lead mecloser to Jesus. I love Jesus but want tohold on to my own independence evenwhen that independence brings me noreal freedom. 1love Jesus but do not wantto lose the respect of my professional col-leagues, even though I know that theirrespect doesnot make me grow spiritually.I love Jesus but do not want to give up mywriting plans, travel plans, and speakingplans, even when these plans are more tomy glory than to the glory of God.1o
Journaling is probably stifled most when it iswritten as if someone is looking over the writer'sshoulder. Ajournal will probably be most useful ifitis written not as something which will one day bepublished but with the abandon of one who knowsthat one day it will go up in smoke. The journalbecomes kind of a mirror for us. Many secularpsychiatrists and psychologists have seen the valueofleading a person to the inner self. We are seeking,however, more than self-discovery or self-knowledge.Weneed toknowwhattodowith that self-awareness.This is why journaling is so closely connected to thedevotional life. We seek self-knowledge but in thecontext of repentance and the redemption of God.The activity of God in our lives is the thread thatbinds the days and weeks of our journals and livestogether.
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