jean pant - a screenplay by rowen smith
DESCRIPTION
A hearwarming inspiational story about a lonely swimming instructor who conquers his fears of nevernudism.TRANSCRIPT
FADE IN:
INT. GYMNASIUM - DAY
CHILDREN,aged 5 to 7, are SPLASHING about in the Olympic
sized swimming pool.
A chubby cheek BLOWS a red whistle.
Crocs walk from left to right of frame on the edge of the
swimming pool.
Kids are lined up against the swimming pool wall with
their egg shaped heads passing frame as the camera TRACKS
past them.
NEELS VAN NIEKERK, a morbidly obese 23 year old part-time
swimming instructor, BLOWS his red whistle again.
NEELSIE
Very good. Very good. That’s all
for today kids.
One of the CHILDREN, a red head, shouts at Neelsie.
WILLIE
Wat’s up met die sjoe broekie?
Sjoe broekie! Sjoe broekie!..
Willie starts CHANTING and all the kids follow his lead.
Neelsie’s humiliated facial expression.
NEELSIE
(shouts)
Nee!
Neelsie looks down and the camera CRANES DOWN, revealing
his crotch. A Speedo covers a cutoff blue Jean tightly
squeezed and tucked in underneath.
EXT/INT. LOCKER ROOM - DAY
Neelsie sociably passes through an ambiguous STEAMING
locker room roaming with naked MEN, greeting everyone and
they greet back with smiles and winks.
He hangs his towel onto a knob. A Speedo drops to the wet
floor.
Neelsie walks into the showers unclothed, again with a
cheefrul smile on his cheeks and he greets a few MEN
showering in their cubicles.
This time the men look at him with confusion and surprise.
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 2.
Neelsie is frolicking in his little cutoff blue Jean in
the middle shower.
The camera TRACKS past the men dumbfounded at Neelsie.
One of them drops his bar of soap. The slippery bar
rockets out of his hands and falls on the center of the
floor. No one moves, except for Neelsie who is still
jigging about.
SUPER: Jean Pant
FADE TO:
INT. OUMA NELLA’S HOUSE - NEELSIE’S BEDROOM - DAY
Neelsie’s fat body rests on a small single bed with a
ruffled up duvet partially covering his belly. Neelsie
flicks his nose while mucus is dripping out of his mouth.
A cheesy ALARM TONE goes off.
Feet touch the ground and slips into two fluffy slippers.
A great FART is heard exploding from above.
INT. OUMA NELLA’S HOUSE - DAY
The Sun shines through a 1960’s style kitchen. SPORTS
COMETARY is heard from the television in the living room.
Neelsie enters the kitchen from right of frame and opens
the fridge.
The camera speedily TRACKS back, revealing OUMA NELLA, a
wrinkled 90 year old woman, sitting on the living room
couch. She is enthusiastically engaged in a rugby match.
OUMA NELLA
Yes! Mattfield passes to
Houwgaard. Try time! Try time!
She cheers and drinks a sip of her beer all rowed up.
Neelsie sleepily walks from the kitchen into the living
room and leans against the doorway.
NEELSIE
More Oumz.
OUMA NELLA
Hello my engel, hoekom lyk jy so
skraal? Kom sit hier langs Ouma
en kry vir jou n tjippie.
Neelsie walks into the living room and sits next to Nella,
who is poring her another draft from a small beer keg
ontop of the living room coffee table.
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 3.
NEELSIE
Ouma, hoekom is jy altyd so
gelukkig?
OUMA NELLA
Want ek is altyd dronk my engel?
She takes a gulp from her beer.
NEELSIE
Ma nou ernstig, wat’s Ouma se
geheim?
OUMA NELLA
My kind.(Beat)Dis eenvoudig. Trek
jou broek af en wys vir haar
jou...
EXT. BOOKSTORE - DAY
Two COLOURED MEN, JAPIE and FAAN are standing at their
boerewors stall just outside the local bookstore.
JAPIE
(shouting)
Boerewors! Lekker kalahari
Boerewors Rolle!
Neelsie enters the bookstore.
INT. BOOKSTORE - DAY
Neelsie roams around in one of the many rows of
bookshelves, searching for a book. He picks up a book that
reads: SEX - LETTING GO INTO CARNAL DESIRE.
NEELSIE
(to himself)
Carnal Desires...Mmmh
He scans the bookstore for women. The camera WIPES to a
large and extremely unattractive WOMAN, then to SUZETTE, a
dull 21 year old bookstore attendant. It WIPES into an
isle onto a gorgeous LADY revealing her cleavage while
bending over for something in the bottom shelf, but then
it WIPES back to Suzette who is repositioning her dorky
glasses.
Neelsie’s eyes pop out from excitement.
The camera slowly TRACKS into Suzette standing at the
checkout counter.
REVERSE SHOT of Neelsie’s longing fixation of Suzette.
MATCH DISSOLVE TO:
4.
FLASH FORWARD BEGINS
INT. BEDROOM - NIGHT
Neelsie and Suzette are sitting face to face on bed of
roses holding hands. The queen sized bed is covered in
food platters. Romantic MUSIC is playing SOFTLY from an
unseen stereo in background.
SUZETTE
Neels, proe nog n worsie.
Suzette feeds him a cocktail sausage. Just before he bites
it, she kisses him and eats the remaining piece still
sticking out of his mouth.
They fall back into the pillows. Rose petels flicked into
the air.
They lie face to face with roses are all over Suzette’s
face.
SUZETTE
Ag Neels, wys my nou jou neelsie.
Neelsie is standing next to the bed facing Suzette, who is
sitting on the edge facing him. She unbuckles his belt.
Neelsie smiles at her with and overwhelming sense of
exhiliration.
BIG CLOSE-UP of Neelsie’s bum in the center of the frame.
Suzette drops his pants and reveals his cutoff blue Jean.
Neelsie SCREAMS.
NEELSIE
AAARH!
FLASHFORWARD ENDS
INT. LIVING ROOM - DAY
Neelsie jumps up from his afternoon nap on the living room
couch.
NEELSIIE
AAARH!
He recollects himself. A rugby jersey flies through the
air onto his face.
OUMA NELLA(O.S)
Kom. Ons gaan laat wees. Vandag
gaan ek die referee...
5.
EXT. RUGBY MATCH/PAVILION - NIGHT
Japie and Faan are sitting on the pavilion watching the
Ouma Nella verbally attacking the referee on the field.
JAPIE
Bliksem! Daai ou antie is mal!
FAAN
Ne.
A foot comes whoosing through the air and KICKS a rugby
ball placed on a peak of sand.
Neelsie is also sitting on the pavilion, watching with a
beverage in hand.
RUGBY PLAYERS, aged 14, are running and passing to each
other.
Neelsie is overcome with boredom and looks around for
something exciting. There she is. Suzette is walking past
the pavilion toward the tuck shop.
The halftime whistle BLOWS.
Ouma Nella sits next to him.
OUMA NELLA
(breathless)
Daai ref is van sy kop af.(Beat)
En, vir wat lyk jy so katools?
NEELSIE
Ouma. My dop is klaar, ek kry vir
ons nog twee.
Neelsie stands up and runs down the pavilion steps,
looking like an idiot. Ouma Nella shouts at him.
OUMA NELLA
Onthou my kind, haal hom uit en
laat hom pronk. Ha-ha
A discerned MOTHER covers her CHILD’s ears.
EXT. PAVILION - NIGHT
Neelsie walks behind the pavilion with a beer in each
hand. Suzette is all alone, leaning over a metal fencing
that overlooks the rugby field. Neelsie approaches her.
NEELSIE
Hey daar mooiste meisie van my
drome, wats jou naam?
She opens herself up to Neelsie.
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 6.
SUZETTE
Suzette, en jy is?
NEELSIE
Neels van Niekerk, maar al my
vriende noem my Neelsie.
Suddenly someone SPEAKS from behind them.
WILLIE
Watse vriende? Ha-ha!
They turn around. Neelsie angrily looks at Willie.
NEELSIE
Wat soek jy hier, Rooi Willie.
WILLIE
Dude, is jy n Quack. Ek’s die
captain van die rugby span wat
speel. Hier babe.
He hands her a beer.
SUZETTE
En, hoe ken julle mekaar?
NEELSIE
Hy is in my...
Willie rudely interrupts.
WILLIE
Die dikfrik is ’n my swem
instructor, en hy’s n little
bitch. Jy moet hom in sy cute
sjoe broekie sien. Sjoe Broekie,
Sjoe Broekie, Ha-ha Classic!
Neelsie does not know what to say and takes a gulp from
his beer instead.
BOY(O.S)
Chips!
A rugby ball comes CRASHING down into Neelsie’s drinks. It
spills everwhere.
They start LAUGHING.
Neelsie’s humiliated facial expression.
NEELSIE
Nee!
MATCH DISSOLVE TO:
7.
INT. BEDROOM - DAY
Neelsie is looking at himself in the mirror while
sobbingly singing a song.
NEELSIE
Want jy soen my nie meer nie! Jy
soen my nie meer nie. Ek mis hoe
dit was, en jy maak met my hart
soos klei...
The camera reveals that he is naked, only wearing his
cut-offs and Crocs.
MONTAGE OF NEELSIE BEGINS
1. Neelsie eating a hot-dog in the park, only wearing
cutoffs, with people passing by unnoticed.
2. Neelsie sitting in his Speedo by the pool, WILLIE bombs
into the water, splashing water all over Neelsie.
3. Neelsie drives his bike, in his cutoffs.
4. GIRLS playing in the street watch him.
5. Neelsie standing in his cutoffs in front of a poster of
a muscular bodybuilder.
5. Neels facial expression.
6. He bumps into a glass door.
MONTAGE OF NEELSIE END
INT. VIRGIN ACTIVE SWIMMING POOL - NIGHT
Crocs walking alongside the swimming pool.
Neelsie walks in his Speedo and little cuttoff Jeans
alongside the edge.
The camera CRANES UP from Neelsie’s feet all the way up to
his utterly depressed face.
Neelsie looks down at his trainees in the water.
NEELSIE
Hello julle. Het almal hulle
strekke gedoen?
A group of aged LADIES, all dressed up in colourful and
uncomfortably revealing swimsuits are standing waist deep
in the shallow end. HESTER comes closer to the wall.
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 8.
HESTER
Skattebol, jy lyk ongelooflik
onsteld. Wat makeer?
NEELSIE
Ag dis sommer niks Tannie.
HESTER
Niks se foet, kom sit hier by die
rand sodat ek jou beter kan sien
dan vertel jy my als.
Neelsie sits on the edge with his feet swirling in the
water. Hester affectionatly strokes his knees.
NEELSIE
Tannie, ek kom nie reg met die
meis...
She interrupts.
HESTER
Wat is haar naam my skat?
NEELS
Suzette.
HESTER
Is jy skaam vir jou shamepey?
NEELSIE
Hoe bedoel Tannie?
HESTER
Dit maak nie saak of hy lank en
maer is(beat) of kort en dik is
nie, solank jy haar net teen die
wasmashien was druk en klip
hard...
EXT. BOOKSTORE - DAY
Japie and Faan arguing about something unimportant.
FAAN
(shouting at Japie)
Naai!(beat)Dis myne die.
INT. BOOKSTORE - DAY
Neelsie is standing with his back against a bookshelf. He
looks around the corner at Suzette packing books into
another bookshelf.
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 9.
NEELSIE
(to himself)
Haal hom uit en laat hom pronk.
He confidently walks to Suzette. Just before he gets close
enough to greet her, a tall handsome MAN enters the frame
and tickles her from behind. She turns around, surprised
and laughing.
Neelsie stops in his tracks. The camera TRACKS into his
dumbstruck facial expression.
Books drop to the floor.
EXT. BOOKSTORE - DAY
Neelsie runs outside aimlessly. The two coloured men are
still arguing.
JAPIE
Naai, kyk hoe draft die vet seun
dan nou?
FAAN
Sies.
EXT. PATHWAY - DAY
Neelsie comes running around the corner on the pathway in
front of all the houses in the street. He is out of breath
and stops, crouching down and crying.
Something catches his attention on the lawn next to him.
Two dogs are having sex, one on top of the other.
Neelsie gets up and looks at the two dogs going at it.
NEELSIE
(to himself)
Trek jou broek af en wys haar
jou...
INT. MALL - DAY
A LITTLE GIRL holding her MOTHER’s hand scream with
terror.
LITTLE GIRL
TOTTIE! Ma kyk sy tottie!
Neelsie runs through the mall, totally naked.
SERIES of SHOTS BEGIN
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 10.
1. Neelsie streaking through the mall.
2. Neelsie streaking through a active rugby match.
3. MS of Neelsie running through the players.
4. Naken bum running
5. Crown Reactions
6. Neelsie Running in traffic.
7. Neelsie running across a four-way intersection.
8. Reaction of person in car.
9. Neelsie running through a residential area in the
street.
10. Willie looking at Neelsie while mowing the lawn.
11. Neelsie streaks and gives him the finger. A car passes
the frame.
12. Camera TRACKING left to right behind Neelsie who
standing naked on the edge of the swimming pool with his
arms raised and all the ladies in the water looking at
him.
13. One old lady’s kinky reaction.
14. Neels blows her a kiss.
15. MATCH DISSOLVE - Neelsie entering the showers, sliming
broadly.
15. The cuttoff blue Jean hanging on a hook outside the
showers.
SERIES OF SHOTS END
INT. OUMA NELLA’S HOUSE - DAY
Ouma Nella is sitting on the living room couch in her
rugby jersey with a beer in hand.
OUMA NELLA
Trek jou broek af en wys haar
jou!
SUPER: Jean Pant.
THE END