jackpersonalconsultant-2012

7/31/2019 JackPersonalConsultant-2012

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Linking Freedom to Love

Most people want self-determination for themselves and subjection for others; some want subjectionfor everyone; only a few want self-determination for everyone.Thomas Szasz

You Are Not Free Until You Have Chosen To Be

My Central Goal For You

To help you locate then choose to break those links of your genetic and social

Conditioning that serve force and fear, so you can freely choose new linkages withthe Human Condition responsibly, sympathetically and knowledgably.

Freedom at First and at Last Freedom the Means and the End

The Roles I Enact to Help You G.R.O.W.

G.uide I point out obstacles in and as your way and lend a supportive shoulder

when you are dizzy with freedom or an able hand-up when you have fallen through your familiar

net of security.

R.esourcerI provision you to have the means to stand alone and understand yourself and

others so as to make better choices that increase your own and others self-determination.

O.rganizer I help you execute your own authentic order without going out of control into

the control of others.

W.indow I open opportunities to see yourself through others and others through yourself.

Some Ways To Use Me

I can assist you to:

Discover what you want most in your life what will give you optimum meaning andself-worth. Reclaim the excitement of living like a child but with adults maturity.


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stopping smoking or drinking, losing weight, etc. I am not part of nor do I promote anyparticular religious, spiritual or therapeutic program, organisation or method.

Psychological Assessment Instruments-Models Available

Myers-Briggs Type Indicator (accredited for singles or couples) Workplace Big Five Profile (certified for singles or couples) Keirsey Temperaments (for singles or couples) DISC 6 Student Keys (singles only) VARK Learning Styles and Gardners Multiple Intelligences (singles only) Essai Systems Stress Map, EQ MAP and Resiliency MAP (singles only) Holland Vocational Choice Model (singles only) John Gottman Building Better Relationships (couples mainly) Willard Harley Marriage Builders (couples only) Prepare-Enrich Inventories (accredited couples only) Couple Communication Program (certified couples only)

Biofeedback(BFB) Brainwave Entrainment (BWE) Cranial

Electrotherapy Stimulation (CES)(Non-Medical Aids for Stress Related Physical Problems)

The following instruments provide management of, and relief from, stress

related problems including depression, anxiety, high blood pressure and insomnia. I rent

these and provide instructions to use. These are expensive instruments and their usefulness in

my experience varies greatly according to the individual. Thus, you can try them for a lowcost and then I can arrange the purchase of the one(s) that work(s) for you. They are:

SleepTracker Watch: Monitors and records your sleep and wakes you forimproved quality of sleep. (BFB)

Alpha-Stim Stress Control System: Well researched and proven statisticallyeffective for managing anxiety, depression, insomnia and headaches. (CES)

Proteus: Stimulates and modifies your brainwaves throughpulsed sound and light to induce a choice of positive states forrelaxation, concentration and creativity. (BWE)


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StressEraser: Monitors your heart rate variability breathing andthen paces your breathing so as to stimulate your natural relaxing

system (Parasympathetic Nervous System). Very well researched

with proven positive effects in managing and preventing stress.

(BFB)

RESPeRATE: Induces therapeutic breathing by monitoring and thenpacing your breathing through sound. This is the only device approved

by the U.S. FDA to work in reducing high blood pressure. (BFB)

Who I am

I have been teaching business, culture and English Courses in universities

and consulting for organizations in China full time for the past six years. I

have three citizenships from America, Canada, and Australia in each of

which, I spent at least ten or more years. Previously divorced and widowed, I

am currently single, with two grown children. I have made a number of

career transitions. I have experience in: owning and managing businesses;

inventing and entrepreneurial activity; writing and photography; adultcommunity education and life-long learning; singles and opposite-sex

relationship counselling; palliative care and older persons advocacy; group facilitation and

community mentoring.

I have participated in a number of different psychological, spiritual and physical therapies or

programs. I have cared for terminal cancer patients and have experience with conventionaland alternative cancer treatments. I have worked with people who wish to be free of spiritual

or religious cults. I have counselled those involved in relationship difficulties, careertransitions, loss and grief, and self-development. I have taught Aged Care Certificate III in

Australia. I have been the main educator for Relationships Australia Queensland creating anddelivering psycho-educational programs for singles and couples.

I am an avid learner and mainly self-taught. I am widely read in many

fields. I consider myself a philosopher and a poet. I have published both

prose and poetry. I value consistently applied self-determination,

autonomy, reason, acknowledged feelings, earned respect, self-and-other

responsibility, moral integrity, sympathy, passion, courage, commitment,competency, beauty, wisdom, serenity, elegance, truthfulness,trustworthiness and love.

My Fee and How I Operate

My standard fee is 300RMB per hour. The client is free to stop at any point and there is noobligation to continue the consultation beyond any one appointment. There is a minimum of

one hour with increments billed for any part of a half-hour thereafter. Call or email to make

an appointment or to find out further information including character references from

distinguished Chinese business people to verify my personal information and claims.


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Consultations take place at my office in Beiyuan Garden next to Line 5 station LishuiqiaoSouth.

A Possible Sequence for Your Consultation Process

1. Understand the difference between being values-directed versus needs-driven.2. Discover what you've always wanted to be or do, what you love most,

what you think you need to lead a meaningful life.

3. Articulate your values, what you most need and want in order to achieve meaning in your life.4. Rank your values in the order of their importance.5. Analyse your self-worth according to your intrinsic values (your worth as determined by

your own evaluation) and your extrinsic values (your worth as determined by others andyour place in society).

6. Recognise what proportion of your self-worth comes from intrinsic valuesand what from extrinsic values and work at achieving a favorable balance.

7. Examine your current activities (work and leisure, relationships and projects)and the goals these activities are trying to achieve in relation to your ranked values.

8. Evaluate the success of your current activities in achieving their goals and whether thereare other activities that would better achieve those goals.

9. Evaluate whether current goals are worth achieving or if there are other goals that willbetter satisfy your values and meet your needs.

10.Generate new goals and corresponding activities to achieve them in order tobest fulfil your values and to express and provide the meaning in your life

that you require.

11.State your new goals in performance terms so you can know when you have achieved them.12.Analyse the costs and benefits of achieving your new and old goals, then evaluate andrank accordingly.13.Continue ongoing assessment of values, needs, self-worth, activities and goals and how

they all work together to achieve the meaningful life you require and maintain a strongand resourceful identity.

The Life Review Structure

Your life can be usefully reviewed as evolving through a sequence of

necessary stages. Moving through each stage requires your completingcertain life tasks such as establishing competence in a socially acceptable role. If these tasks


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are not addressed in a correct sequence or are terminated before completion,your potential may be compromised. As a result, you may feel that life

does not have the meaning you require. By constructing a life review

structure, you will find out how the forces you have had to contend with in

your growth have formed you.

You will arrive at a chart of your hopes and dreams, your successes and

failures. You will be able to trace the up and down graph of your life's meaning. You will

see which tasks remain to be accomplished so activities and goals can be evaluatedaccordingly.

The purpose of the review is to provide you with an understanding and acceptance of your

self that will enable you to create a viable and exciting life plan for your future.

I use Daniel Levinsons developmental life structure model from his book The Seasons of a

Mans Life. The following is the development sequence with its Eras and Transition Periods

according to age.

1. Pre-adulthood Erabirth to 22 yearsThe initial formation of the individuals socialised selfits value andmeaningthrough the interaction with his significant others and society.

2. Early Adult Transition17 to 22Leaving childhoods familiarity and embarking on the vulnerable journey to independent

adulthood.

3. Early Adulthood Era17 to 45The peak time for biological vigor and satisfying basic drives; the establishing of a stable

place in society by work, family, friends and life style; the defining of self

identity through relationships and social roles.

4. Mid-Life Transition40 to 45A critical time of overall reappraisal of the self; the comparing of gains and

losses and a reconnoitering of remaining possibilities.

5. Middle Adulthood Era40 to 65The consolidating and evaluating of success and its potentials for the future; the comingto terms with limitations, including personal failures and traumas as well as the sense ofmortality evidenced in physical aging; the recognising of ones own generation and

comparison of it to other generations and the taking on of senior role expectations.

6. Late Adult Transition60 to 65A concluding of major societal expectations and self-definition; the seeking

of a stable and secure niche with considerations of generativity versus

stagnation.

7. Late Adulthood Era60 to 85The acknowledgement and refinement of the self; the creation of new, less

physical criteria for judging satisfaction and success.


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8. Late Late Adult Transition80 to 85The acceptance of the self as a task of final integration and completion;

the accommodation of death with considerations of integrity versus

despair.

9. Late Late Adulthood Era80 onThe elaboration and summing up of a life and the generation and expression of its

meaning for the self and younger generations; the acceptance of death.

CONTACT DETAILS:

Jack Carney

Office: Lian Pa Yuan, Beiyuan Garden, Chaoyang District, Beijing, China

Mobile: 1591 0600 531; Office: (010) 8495 8306

Email: [email protected], [email protected]

Website: www.LinkageForLife.com___

Below are passages from books I read early on in my work as a personal and relationship

consultant. These quotes will give you a sense of what I value and why.

From The Shrinking of America by Bernie Zilbergeld

It is a basic tenet of the therapeutic ideology that people are not okay as they are; thats why they

need therapy. Therapists would make the whole world into a hospital. Most forms of human

discontent are the result of the disparity between what we have and are and what we feel we should

have and be. Therapeutic thinking serves to widen the discrepancy both by finding out more things

wrong with how we are and by holding out increasingly utopian notions of what we should be. Vast

dissatisfaction with oneself is one of therapeutic thinkings most important products.

Therapists tell us we should trust our feelings but they have made us fearful of trusting anything not

validated by experts. The more we rely on professionals, the more we have to rely on them because

we fail to develop our own resources. We forget that logical and critical thinking are not the special

province of a particular group of experts and that we could just as well check our own thinking or get

help from those around us.

There are limits to how much each of us can change. Life is not a continuous series of peak

experiences or a process of ever-expanding satisfaction. Murphys law is not amenable to therapeutic

manipulation. Somewhere deep down we also know that life in profoundly unfair and democratic.

Therapy is not a cure for the human condition. The aimlessness, loneliness, confusion anddissatisfaction we feel and that lead many of us to try to change, are simply some of the prices we pay

for liberating ourselves from traditional belief systems and the institutions that supported them. The

simple fact is that freedom is not easy to live with. But neither is anything else. The care provided by

counselors may be comforting, at least for a while, but it has no answers to the riddles and hazards of

our time. Every human characteristic is double-edged. In short, everything has a price.

From The Mature Mindby E.A. Overstreet

This linkage theory of maturity sees man as a creature who lives by and through relationships; who

becomes himself through linkages with the nonself. It sees him, as a unit of psychic experience, both

capable of lifelong growth and subject to arrest of growth at any point where he habitually makes

immature efforts at problem-solving. This linkage theory sees the individual, not as finely mature in

one phase of his being and woefully immature in another, but as possessed of a character structure in

which the several maturities or immaturities are closely related to one another. We have liked to


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believe that a person can be ruthless in his business dealings and yet be a good husband and father.

We have defended our illusions in this respect by making the definitions of success and goodness

so narrow that even fairly flagrant immaturity can qualify. Thus, by ordinary standards, a man is a

vocational success if he earning a good living. He may achieve his success by means that do

profound hurt to other people. But he will not commonly be called a failure unless he loses his

position or wealth. We must rid ourselves of such illusions as have made us accept immaturity as

maturity.

The linkage theory does not make maturity synonymous with adjustment. While it recognizes that an

immature person who is also unadjusted is in a miserable state and needs help, it recognizes no less

that, given certain cultural conditions, the immature person is likely to effect a smoother adjustment

than is the mature person. Such a person is not on that account a more genuinely fulfilled person. Nor

is his influence any less disastrous: his immaturities may be so like the accepted immaturities of the

people around him that he and they will move in remarkable harmony; but his immaturity and theirs

will continue to create situations in which human powers are frustrated. The standards these immature

types set will reward grown men and women for acting like children: ignorantly, irresponsibly,

eogcentrically, and so on. Institutions and cultures must be judged by the extent to which they

encourage or discourage maturity in all their members. Homes, schools, churches, political parties,

economic and social institutions, nationsthese are made for man; not man for them. Human naturearrived on the scene first. The test of any institution is the releasing service it renders to that nature.

From The Untamed Tongue, Thomas Szasz

The natural state of mankind is poverty; wealth is something man must create. Similarly, the natural

state of mankind is mental illness (in the sense of being undisciplined, useless, and infantile);

mental health (in the sense of being competent, self-responsible, and caring for ones family) is

something man must create. It is therefore wrong to think of poverty or mental illness as being

caused, but it is right to think of wealth or mental health that way: this is why poverty and mental

illness must be overcome by the personal effort of the affected individualwhile a person may lose

his wealth and mental health without his participation or even against his will.

People are free in proportion as the State protects them from others; and are oppressed in proportion

as the State protects them from themselves.

Mysticism joins and unites; reason divides and separates. People crave belonging more than

understanding. Hence the prominent role of mysticism, and the limited role of reason, in human

affairs.

New models of mental illnesses are now produced faster than new models of automobiles, perhaps

because they sell faster.

We prefer a meaningless collective guilt to a meaningful individual responsibility.

From The Broken Heartby James J. Lynch

Dialogue is the essential element of every social interaction, it is the elixir of life. The wasting away of

children, the broken hearts of adults, the proportionately higher death rates of single, widowed and

divorced individualscommon to all these situations, I believe, is a breakdown in dialogue. The elixir of

life somehow dries up, and without it people begin to wither away and die. Real dialogue is a process...No

material substitute can fill the human need for dialogue. When a child goos or

smiles, it is vitally important that someone elsesomeone alivesay ga or smile

back. Someone must respond. Someone has to care. The dialogue process is not

exclusively in you or in the other person, but rather between people as a reciprocal,

spontaneous, and mutually flowing process. While we are alive, therefore, what we

have to give to each other is at one and the same time the simplest yet most sublime giftourselves.

jackpersonalconsultant-2012

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