inner direction. a book on inside out leadership and living by elese coit

Inner Directed Ten keys to fine tune your gut instincts

ELESE COIT

© Elese Coit 2012

All rights reserved

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Part of the series

INSIDE OUT LEADERSHIP AND LIVING

ISBN 9781481237895

Category:Management and Leadership BISAC: Business & Economics / Decision-Making & Problem Solving

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Truth resides in every human heart, and one has to search for it there and be guided by the truth as one sees it.

Mahatma Gandhi

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Table of Contents

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7. Privacy ..................................................... 24

8. Constancy ..................................................... 25

9. Silence ..................................................... 26

10. Knowingness ..................................................... 27

1. Rightness ..................................................... 18

2. Understanding .................................................... 19

3. Acceptance ..................................................... 20

4. Release ..................................................... 21

5. Alignment ..................................................... 22

6. Solidity .................................................... 23

Title Page ..................................................................... i

In Recognition ......................................................... iii

Table of Contents ......................................................... v

Forward by The Author ......................................................... vi

Introduction ......................................................... 8

! Why Care? ......................................................... 9

! What Is Inner Direction? ............................................. 10

! Reflection: My Decision Making Style ........................ 11

! Actively Recognizing Inner Direction ......................... 12

! Reflection: How Aware of Inner Direction Am I? ............. 13

! To Each Their Own .................................................. 14

The Ten Keys Intro ................................................. 16, 17

Super-Simple Summary .............................................. 28, 29 Common Questions ..................................................... 30 ! Why We Don’t Listen .............................................. 32 ! Reflection: What Are We Listening To ................................. 33 ! Some Misunderstandings ..................................... 34 ! Reflection: Thought-Feeling Connection ............................ 35 ! Two Assumptions About Thought .................... 36 ! Reflection: Where Does Thinking Come From? ...................... 37 ! The Most Common Question ............................... 39 ! The Unmistakable Moment of Yes ......................... 40 ! Reflection: Who’s Talking and Who’s Listening? .................. 41 ! Reflection: I Recognize My Inner Direction By .................... 43 Links to Photographic Contributors ........................... 46 About The Author .................................................... 48

by the Author

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In the course of training, coaching and managing people as they make big decisions for themselves I’ve been asked many times: “How do I know when I have the right answer?”

It truly has surprised me to notice just how many people do not have an inner sense of what is right for them. I thought it was just me.

I have to admit that I spent much of my life struggling with life decisions, consulting logic and other people’s opinions. I ended up confused and frankly, found it very difficult to be

direction. This sends a signal to others who sense their aliveness, trustworthiness and ultimately their follow-ability. Inner Directedness is a key leadership skill.

There’s no downside to using our own good sense. What we decide to purchase, to do or not do for a living or to give or not give our attention to, has an impact on the world and people around us. The more out of alignment we are with ourselves the more social, familial, political and commercial difficulties result.

able to tell when my own gut feel was leading me in the right direction. I developed a mistrust in myself. I lost faith in my own ability to guide my life.

It took me many years to realize that I had lost the single most essential tool I’d ever been given. Common sense.

To use Inner Directedness is nothing more than simply using personal inner reference points as information about what is good for you and what is not.

You may already be expert at this. Certainly we all know how to do this but, like me, you may have let yourself get trained away from using it very often.

This is a particularly important area of development for those who lead and manage other people. I have noticed that out- standing leaders are inner-aligned, finely attuned to internal

The way I see it, the more inner directed each person becomes, the better our world becomes.

This book outlines ten qualities of inner direction that I have noticed are always present when I am truly listening. These are how I know I am on course with myself. I have shared these with many people in the course of leading global project deliveries, delivering management performance trainings and coaching clients. They quickly learned the great value of using their own built-in directional system. What follows are ten very simple ways that may help you recognize and cultivate Inner Directedness for yourself. You’ll also find reflection questions and blank pages for taking notes. I hope you find these helpful. Although, even without any of this, inner direction is available to you right now. It is already integrated into your personal human firmware.

Introduction

INNER DIRECTION: THE WHO, WHAT & WHY....

1. Why care about Inner Direction?

2. What is it?

3. Actively Recognizing it

4. To Each Their Own

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Why Care About Inner Direction?

We don’t make bad decisions because we don’t have good sense. We make bad decisions because we don’t listen to our good sense.

Great leaders, innovators and peacemakers have one striking quality in common: they are inner directed. They hear and march to a unique drum that beats inside. Gandhi’s quiet inner knowing freed the Indian continent. Many people struggle to march to their own drum. Under- standably. There is so much conflicting information and so many options to pick from. The menu is getting bigger and the time to choose seems to be getting shorter. We cope with a world in hyper-drive by multi-tasking, speed- ing up and cutting corners, all the while ignoring what this does to our lives and people around us. Or we may eat too much, sleep too little and ignore what’s really important. We’d change this if we heard our sensible selves more clearly. We have been highly trained at over-riding our inner good sense. In fact it is not uncommon to be literally unable to “hear” inner direction and as a result to end up stuck in indeci- sion or facing avoidable situations. Great leaders reference their inner senses often and powerfully in order to direct others with clarity. You can use it as your best personal advisor. The Inner Directed “voice” is the part of you that tells you when you are on course or off course in any particular moment. Some people experience it as a sense or a feeling. And yes, it can be confusing as you learn to tune in and be able to tell for sure if it’s steering you right. This book is intended to help you make a finer inner distinction between good sense and all the other stuff.

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What is Inner Direction?

Well-tuned inner direction is a very useful compass. In fact, just knowing you have inner direction available to you tends to free and relax the mind. Better decisions usually follow.

Leaders rely on natural good sense and gut instincts all the time. They recognize subtle signals that distinguish a valuable piece of input from an emotional reaction. They learn to tune in and listen carefully to signals that are coming from the inside while still being engaged in what is happening outside.

Developing a strong inner listening ability helps you discern between different kinds of feelings and conflicting information. It is common for us to rely on the logic of the mind and to be unfamiliar with the good feeling of inner directedness. So give it time. It may challenge you at first, but the rewards include greater authenticity, grounded authority and self- trust. On this platform other natural and creative abilities can flourish.

Having Inner Direction doesn’t mean you will never make an error of judgement again. It is simply an opportunity to become familiar with a faculty you’ve already got. You can learn to use it wisely or ignore its existence. It is up to you.

Think of it this way: we do not go to school to get intelligence; we go there to use intelligence. Inner Direction is the same. It is something you use, not something you get.

Basic disconnection with our inner world leads to all kinds of conflicted behaviors. It is not much good having this faculty if we recognize what is best for us only after the fact.

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Reflection

MY DECISION-MAKING STYLE

Think of a decision you feel you need to make. Have you been looking for your answer in any or all of these:

• Your bank account

• People whose opinions matter to you

• Predictions of the future

• Fears and emotions

• Market analysis

Notice what has stopped you from making this decision so far.

Now call to mind a time when you made a decision that really worked for you. Did you consult the above before or after you knew what you would do?

Key Question: If a decision you made using your inner direction turned out to be wrong, would you stop consulting it?

Notes

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Actively Recognizing Inner Direction

To follow Inner Direction you must know it.

Imagine for a moment that you are at a restaurant with friends. The server hands you the menu. Where do you look to know what you want to order for lunch? The menu has many options. How will you decide?

Ordering off a menu is a good example of how people already use Inner Direction naturally. Everyone has some way of being able to tell what they are really hungry for (without asking everyone at the table).

This natural knowing can be used everywhere in life. You might prefer to refer to it as gut feeling, instinct or intuition. Can you think of a time when you ignored a gut feeling? What happened?

Getting to know inner direction means paying attention in ways you may not have before. Don’t assume you need a “quiet mind” for this. Inner Direction can find you at any time. As you become friends you will recognize its presence earlier and more often. Recognizing its absence is equally valuable, as that will alert to the fact you are making a decision before you are really ready to. Either way, you win.

So, how available is your gut feel when you most need it?

The reason why actively recognizing and using inner direction helps us is that the more you know what it feels like the more you’ll find it is right there when you need it.

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Reflection

HOW AWARE AM I OF INNER DIRECTION?

Survey your world and see if you notice a difference between some areas where you use gut instincts and others where you tend not to. How often do you find yourself saying, “I knew I should have...” When was the last time that happened?

Remember and write down a time when you heard your inner direction absolutely clearly. Were you following it despite the resistance or advice of others?

Take a moment to reflect quietly ...

When I know I’m truly on track how does that feel to me?

Are there any patterns or qualities that are my own clear signs of inner direction?

How do I know when it isn’t there?

Key Question: The last time I heard my own gut, or good common sense, how did I know I had heard it?

Notes

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To Each Their Own Inner Direction

Humans have a shared set of human capacities, but we are all individual thinkers. Although we all have the ability to hear our inner directedness, what we each “hear” is totally different and unique. What is best for you is not best for another.

Inner Direction is specific to you and responds appropriately to the moment you are facing. Your inner direction cannot be hampered by any situation, no matter how difficult, any more than someone can stop your mind from having a new idea. Your inner response will meet each new situation as it arises.

Just as there are no impediments to hearing, there are no opti- mal conditions for hearing best. Everyone can “hear” at any- time including in the heat of an argument. You possess this ability; it’s a matter of you getting to know yourself well.

As many entrepreneurs, leaders and creatives can tell you, the advantages of recognizing and using your inner guidance are immense. With all else being equal, gut feel has often guided successful people to inexplicably choose the better business partner, get skeptical about contract terms just in time, or to pull out of a deal because it just didn’t feel right.

Using personal Inner Directedness does not mean you will ignore reality, hard facts and serious options, but it will let you know what’s happening within you as you go. Inner attune- ment is your ally for business, for leadership and for life.

Inner Direction is specific to the person listening, relevant to the moment at hand and on constant refresh.

The Ten Keys

INNER DIRECTEDNESS IS REC OGNIZED BY:

1. Rightness

2. Understanding

3. Acceptance

4. Release

5. Alignment

6. Solidity

7. Privacy

8. Constancy

9. Silence

10. Knowingness

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Fine Tune Your Inner Direction

Make use of your natural human self-guidance system. It feels good.

These Ten Keys to recognizing and using your inner directedness will help you gain greater awareness of your human self- guidance system, your inbuilt GPS. People refer to Inner Direction by many different names: instinct, wisdom, inner wisdom, inner guidance, the inner voice, common sense, intuition, and gut feel are just some. These may have connotations for you, negative or positive. Try not to get too hung up on terms, which are used here as if synony- mous. Think of this as an exploration that is pointing you to something you are going to discover, describe and name. It is very likely you will read these ten keys and realize you are already using these or other signposts to gage whether you are on track or off track, centered or uncentered. The ten keys only describe what it feels like to be tuned in to yourself -- what it can be like, that is, not what it must be like. There is no attempt to tell you how you should feel or to cover the specific content of your (or anyone’s) inner direction. Coming to know ourselves better in this way can lead to much greater self-assurance and does bolster our ability to handle the ups and downs of life. It is like an internal muscle, but one that gets stronger with a very different kind of exercise. When human beings are listening and tuning in to inner direction it feels very natural and very good so, by way of contrast, each key has a counter-indicator called a “warning sign.” This is the sign of moving away from Inner Directedness rather than towards it.

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One

Rightness

Inner direction can be recognized by a feeling of “Right- ness.” Rightness is not self-justification. It is not necessarily rational, and yet it is not arrogant. Rightness is simplicity. Like an exhale. Rightness is a knowing that has firmness and lightness in it.

Look for rightness in the same place you look when you decide what you want to order off a menu. It is the feeling be- hind, “Oh, I’m having THAT for sure.” Rightness is plain. When it arrives you wonder how the heck you missed it.

Warning signs: Arrogance. Indignation.

photo: Jon Ovington

Two

Understanding

Inner Directedness always walks alongside understanding for others. Understanding contains an awareness that others may not see things the same way as you do or agree with you. Humble and compassionate, it respects itself. It often says “It is this way for me and I understand why you might not see it this way” and really means it.

Inner direction never wants to dictate or rule over others. It possesses a deep sensitivity to the fact that everyone else also has their own personal sense of inner direction.

Warning Signs: Intolerance. People Pleasing.

photo: L.N. Batides

Three

Acceptance

Inner Directedness is accompanied by acceptance. This is neither resignation (helplessness) nor passivity (powerless- ness). The presence of acceptance is evident when tightly- held positions and violent opinions are surrendered without a sense of loss.

Very often a situation will not have changed, but when acceptance arrives things look different. Obstacles and pathways get clear. You see what is there without rejection or repul- sion. As scales fall, you see old landscapes with new eyes.

Warning Signs: Frustration. Impatience.

Photo: summerly noon

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Release

Release is the absence of attachment. Guided from a deeper feeling, there is no sense of intellectual property. New ideas are flowing. If there is a job to do it’s to be the flow without thinking about it too much. There is no undue possessive- ness about any particular outcome and the mind feels opened, free and creative. Often solutions come to mind that seem obvious, but that you had not noticed before.

You will discern being off track if a sense of stickiness or pinching off arrives.

Warning Signs: Investment. Affront. Efforting.

Photo: Gary J. Wood

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Alignment

In Alignment there is harmony between body and mind. There is no sense of pushing against. If there is movement it is more like a pendulum swing that is simply coming closer and closer to center balance.

As your ear for mis-alignment gets better your sensitivity may heighten. Disharmony may seem worse. What’s happening is it’s less tolerable. A musician carefully tunes each string before playing; think of yourself as the tuner and the instrument.

Warning Signs: Indecisiveness. Body discomforts. Fidgeting.

Photo: Kevin Lawver

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Solidity

Solidity is something felt. Just as electricity must be grounded, so for you. When yoga and martial arts positions have solidity there is no wobble, imbalance or strain. Solidity tethers us to center.

In solidity there is simply a resting place. In solidity we are simultaneously flexible and oddly unmovable -- no matter what comes at us. This occurs naturally, without taking up arms or defensive postures. It is as if you grow roots from your feet to the earth. A feeling of authenticity.

Warning signs: Defensiveness. Over-explaining.

Seven

Privacy

Inner Direction puts its attention squarely on and in you. It is intimate and reveals you to yourself. It never says what other people should do nor how to act upon others to change them. As a result there can be a hesitation to divulge, explain or share. There may be a sense of aloneness or being set apart. This is an invitation to be with yourself.

Inner Direction arrives with the power to be carried into ac- tion by you in the moment. It is a living thing and may need your protection until it is fully formed.

Warning Signs: Seeking the opinions of others. Comparing.

Eight

Constancy

Constancy has a core of un-waver-ability. It is totally uninter- ested in “Pros and Cons” arguments. Constancy makes all the voices in favor and all the voices against fade away in a distance. It is bigger than them and it is bigger than you.

It is not stubbornness, although it is likely to be very hard to move you off your track. It can be difficult to say what’s be- hind such certainty; it just is. Constancy holds change in the same way that closely mowed grass does, by growing back.

Warning Signs: Evidence Gathering. Pig-headed-ness.

Nine

Silence

Silence brings a noticeable absence of white noise. Some- times a feeling of being or moving in slow motion.

There may be noise all around you and yet there is noticeable quietness within. The senses feel less frenetic and although the shrieking of the world may continue, you are ex- periencing the calm internal weather. You are the eye of the storm. Have others sped up or have you ratcheted down? You may wonder what the fuss is all about out there.

Warning Signs: Overwhelm. Multi-tasking.

Ten

Knowingness

Knowingness is not know-it-all-ness. It does not fear the dis- appointments of others and plans no preemptive attack.

It often arrives before the evidence does. Suddenly things look obvious and going forward looks easy. It is not uncommon to struggle to explain why this is so. There can be a feeling of relief, as if only after cleaning the windows did you realize how dirty they were. Knowingness is kind. It also simply refuses to go away. In fact, it’s a bit of a nag.

Warning Sign: “My Way or The Highway.” Chronic Illness.

Super Simple Summary

INNER DIRECTION IS REC OGNIZED BY:

1. Rightness

2. Understanding

3. Acceptance

4. Release

5. Alignment

6. Solidity

7. Privacy

8. Constancy

9. Silence

10. Knowingness

Photo information can be found on page 38.

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Inner Direction is ...

Personal. You can’t get inner direction for someone else.

Easy. It steers you with less effort once you get to know it.

Present. You recognize you’ve had it all along.

A Good Feeling. It does not include fear or stress.

Flexible. It responds to the moment of now.

Helpful. It brings clarity rather than more confusion.

“And those who were seen dancing were thought to be insane by those who could not hear the music.” Friedrich Nietzsche

Not complex. It’s simply a clear sense of what’s best for you. Inner Direction gives you back your own mind. That can mean you are set apart from the crowd. It may not please others, but you will find you are standing on solid ground and feeling much more like the person you know you truly are. Becoming attuned to yourself is the best way to cultivate both strength and compassion. You may find that honest and neces- sary conversations start taking place. This is why being inner directed is essential for leaders and managers. You may find that the leaders you most want to emulate are already using inner direction, although they may not articulate it this way. What else have you noticed that’s helpful? What questions remain? There are more reflection exercises coming up plus additional blank pages for notes at the back of the book.

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Common Questions

SOME THINGS THAT C OME UP

1. Why We Don’t Listen to Inner Direction

2. Some Misunderstandings

3. Two Assumptions About Thoughts

4. The Most Common Question

5. The Unmistakable Moment of Yes

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One very common concern about what would happen if every individual started listening to and following their own north star is the notion that businesses, families and the world struc- tures would fall apart and that chaos would result. But is this really true? Would following inner direction lead to more greedy selfishness, or more enlightened self-interest? Is it possible that the more people connect to themselves, the more they experience connection to others and the planet?

Aware of interconnectivity, we do consider the impact of our decisions on others. In fact, that is often the very reason why we stop ourselves doing what we know to do! Ever noticed how often following your own path ended up being the right thing for all? We often look back to see “it was for the best.”

Each human being arrived with everything they need to live life.

In addition, advancing and quantum science have radically redefined our views of natural systems, system interaction and our perceptions of chaos and control. In quantum physics chaos has ultimate order within it, as a system of cooperative individual elements each made of pure potential, expressing perfectly in relation to one another. (Or something like that). The kind of listening referred to here as “Inner Direction” is integral to every human being in the same way that it is integral for birds to “know” how to fly and plants to “know” how to grow. We came wired up this way in our human suits -- all part of the bigger human system. From this perspective maybe there is a very good chance that what is built in to the individual is meant to work in favor of the collective of individuals -- ultimately speaking.

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Why We Don’t Listen To Inner Direction

Apart from just not being that familiar with hearing and using our own inner direction, there are two very common reasons people have for not using it:

• fear of the reaction of others

• fear of getting it wrong

It is very common to think about the ways we might make mistakes, be disapproved of or rejected. Everyone can relate to these types of thoughts passing through from time to time. As a result, some people are continually fearful and guarded, they may try to manage the reactions of others -- despite the

The people whose disapproval you fear the most are not the ones that live in your house, they are the ones that live in your head.

fact the event may not ever happen. The “others” we fear may not even be around to chastise us. But they needn’t be. The voices of disapproval remain alive in our own minds via thought. Those voices become free radicals scavenging our good ideas and sabotaging our natural confidence.

It takes only the thought to immediately experience the emo- tion connected to it, so it is important to get very clear on the role of thought in our lives. In the next section, we’ll explore how thoughts and feelings are inextricably wired up. We’ll see why Inner Direction helps us distinguish between truly grounded inner decision-making processes and reactive ones, such as emotional decision making and snap judgement calls. To make this distinction we’ll review some working principles about the nature and functioning of human mental life.

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Reflection

WHAT AM I LISTENING TO?

Even when people ask for advice, they often don’t take it. We listen as if they will. We assume our answer will help. Have you offered advice only to have it rejected? Did the person end up doing what they had planned to do in the first place? How do you interpret that?

Ever had an uncomfortable sensation while trying to follow someone’s well-meaning advice? What does that say to you?

If you ask for advice but but tend to end up ignoring what people tell you to do, why? Reflect on a time when you asked someone what to do, while in your mind you had an idea of what you secretly hoped they would say. What happened inside you?

What are you concerned might happen to you if you used your intuition more decisively?

Key Question: If someone you respect and loved very much advised you to do something and you didn’t think it was right, how would you know that?

Notes

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Some Misunderstandings

To listen to your own Inner Direction does not mean you will stop caring about people. It does mean you become more lu- cid. Clarity is a form of enlightened self-interest and it may surprise you to find this draws greater cooperation your way.

If you are a leader you will find that people sense the authenticity of your decisions. Even if they are wrong. As you listen to yourself you find people listen to you. After all, if we cannot tell what is right for us, how do we expect to lead others?

It may seem that we have no choice about how to act in many situations. But the truth is that we are choosing what and whom we are listening to long before we act. You may have noticed this from the reflection on the previous page. There is nothing wrong with consulting friends, advisors, parents and experts. To do so with no self-referencing at all, however, can leave us feeling lost, victimized and increasingly helpless.

If “self-referencing” is confusing it is because we mis-attribute human feelings. We think feelings come from outside of us. They don’t. We feel our thoughts of fear and doubt, insecurity and rejection just as we feel thoughts of empathy and caring. We have a rich internal world via our own power of thought.

The more you understand this human thinking/feeling connection, the more you will be able to lean on your Inner Direction for clear and reliable guidance.

You always have choice. But you can think that you

don’t.

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Reflection

THE THOUGHT-FEELING CONNECTION

Can someone or something actually give you a feeling? If yes, find an example and examine the mechanism by which the feeling gets from the person or situation into you.

If feelings do come from things or events outside of us, why do different people have different feelings about the same things?

Most people will say that vacations make them feel good. Ever been on a vacation and NOT felt good? How is that possible? What did that, you or the vacation?

How are you able to conjure feelings of sadness or upset when nothing is happening to you and there is no one else in the room?

Key Question: How might understanding the thought-feeling connection be useful to you?

Notes

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Two Assumptions About Thoughts

Human beings are thinking beings.

No two people have the same thoughts about anything. It is very common for two people to share an experience yet have totally different emotional responses. Each will argue that their version of events is “true.” But how can that be? It can’t.

For this reason alone, it is important to pay attention to feelings: Feelings track what you are thinking. Feelings tell you about your quality of thinking -- with 100% accuracy. Even if you are not consciously aware of a thought, you still can gage the quality of thinking by what occurs in your feeling state.

But that is all feelings can tell you. Feelings (i.e. emotions) are not telling you anything about the world outside you.

In this way, feelings tell how you are doing in relation to your inner guidance. (Thus the “Warning Signs”). A mind rising toward wisdom and clarity has a different quality compared to when it is going downward toward negativity and concern.

Despite patterns of thinking, beliefs, backgrounds and the outside world, people have their distinctive thoughts. However, nothing outside can stop someone from having a new thought.

You may notice that you have had new thinking occur to you today. Maybe as you read this book. Since feelings follow thoughts, you may well have “heard” that insight via the feeling you had. Insight can be wordless, but always has a feeling.

1. No matter what happens to us, we always feel whatever we are thinking in the moment. 2. No matter how badly you feel, you cannot lose your ability to have a new thought in any moment.

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Reflection

WHERE DOES FRESH THINKING COME FROM?

Take a moment to relax and recall the last time you had an idea that you’d say came “out of the blue.” A moment of AHA. A sudden realization, or a flash of inspiration when you solved a tough problem, knew what to do next, or what to say.

Where were you? What were you doing?

Did you attribute your new idea or your solution to those things? If you had your idea in the shower, did you start taking more showers so that you could get more ideas?

Why do people often tend to resolve a sticky issue or have a breakthrough when they “take the problem off their mind?”

What happened the last time you tried very, very hard to solve a problem by thinking about it a lot? Did that work well for you?

Key Questions: Where do fresh ideas come from?

Notes

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It doesn't matter how difficult things have become on the outside, every human is able to see afresh (get a new idea) in any moment. This means we are all able to hear inner guidance at any time and no one can tamper with that. Not ever. This doesn’t mean you will always hear clearly, but it does mean that you have the capacity to hear and that is undamaged.

Inner Direction is nothing more than a new idea occurring.

Being Inner Directed means understanding that at the heart of the human being, fresh insight is a constant possibility. No circumstance can stand between you and inner direction. This is the true meaning of “Potential.”

The only reason we feel far from our inner guidance is that we are highly conditioned to misinterpret our feelings, in general, as coming from outside of ourselves. It’s normal to seek answers outside if you identify the problems as being outside.

If we misunderstand how thinking and feeling are connected, it is very easy to misread our inner signals. We’ve all done it.

Reflection, particularly quiet reflection or contemplation is a very good way to beef up the discernment muscle. And as your voice of Inner Directedness is strengthened, your ability to act in relation to it is automatically fortified.

So, if nothing on the outside can prevent fresh new thinking, how can a person improve their ability to recognize and take direction from it? Do you need a clear mind? Should you meditate or something?

Because a new idea is a constant possibility and because ideas occur internally, people can experience sudden shifts. We can have a change of heart, drop a grudge, or get a solution to a problem -- whether or not anything changes on the outside.

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The Most Common Question

Once people realize that they can trust their own good sense to guide them, most people want to know how to hear better.

Listening internally -- compared to seeking outside sources and solutions -- is not the way most Westerners were raised. So consider the possibility that there is nothing wrong with your listening skills. The question is rather, what are you paying attention to and do you understand what it means?

I have never met a person who cannot hear, only a person who is listening to the wrong thing.

If you don’t pay attention to recognizable internal signals, you may be unwittingly relying on acquired beliefs, theories and unfounded fears to guide you. You will be relying on shifting emotions or trying to resolve them, without the knowledge of what generates your emotional state of mind in the first place. Going inward doesn’t mean you’ll never make a mistake ever again or that you will hear clearly all the time. But you see im- provement in hearing, especially if you continue reflecting. Inner wisdom is practical. If you develop strong inner discernment you can use it to help sift through information you do possess as well as to guide you when you do not have enough. It is a shame to have this capacity and waste it. Even as you are weighing up options, doing due diligence or carefully calcu- lating your financial forecasts it can be of great service to you. It signals when you’re in clarity of mind and when you’re not.

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The Unmistakable Moment of Yes

This moment is really what each of the Ten Keys point to.

It is not always a loud moment. It is worth taking time to get to know it better, to befriend it, cultivate and most of all, to really make practical use of it.

To make your inner direction more a part of your life, recognize it is already part of your “innate skill set.” As part of your DNA, it is already working in you and with you. If you manage or lead others, recognize they have this skill set as well. Once you are using it, you can assist others to discover it.

Inner Direction is already whispering in your ear (and frankly, shouting from the rooftops). It comes in many forms, colors, sizes and shapes -- as many as there are human beings and as often as needed. There is no limit to new thinking coming through you or anyone. Moment to moment to moment.

When we hear it and heed it, it rewards us with a return to authenticity. We feel alive again.

One thing you may notice as you begin to use Inner Direction more widely is just how obvious your solutions begin to look. So obvious, in fact, that they seem utterly natural -- as if they occur without thinking. Cultivate your recognition of the personal feeling of “Yes” or variations on it such as “Rightness,” or “Quietness.” Develop your own signposts. The Ten Keys can be just the start.

The more Inner Direction becomes familiar to us, the more easily we see the difference between personal wisdom guiding us and fear guiding us. This is how we become master decision-makers, leaders, managers and parents.

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Reflection

WHO’S TALKING AND WHO’S LISTENING?

Most of us are used to checking in with how we “feel” -- meaning we take input from our own emotional state. (This is how we can “feel like” eating when we are physically stuffed.) What changes for you now that you know that your emotional state is a result of your own thoughts and no other factors?

To tune your inner focus you can ask yourself: "Where am I checking in right now?" or “Who says so?”

It is a big assertion to say all feelings come from thought alone. Does that seem true to you? Is there an exception, a place where it looks like your thoughts have no relation to what you are feeling? Are you sure? Investigate that area.

Notice if you get different answers when you come back to this question at different times. What do you make of that?

Key question: What creates your own state of mind in any given moment?

Notes

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As children we used this natural discernment easily and without any instruction on how to do it. Our imaginations ran free, our desires were clear: Ice cream. Play time. Don’t want that right now. Hungry. Not hungry. More of that please...

We were in touch with inner direction without ever giving it a second thought. No one sat us down and taught us about this. It was completely natural to us. And although it still is as adults, we did get trained how not to pay attention to it.

You do not need to be different, more developed, more enlightened, more evolved, more skilled or more intelligent to have, to deserve or to hear your Inner Direction. It's in you now.

As we shaped into young people and adults we began to over- ride our inner sense in favor of fitting in, pleasing others and a

host of other reasons. We began thinking:

"I can't do THAT."

"Art isn't a viable career.”

And so on. Perhaps we put many of our deep desires to sleep and ignored our own best advice at times and yet, new ideas still keep on flowing. The source of those ideas continues whispering to each of us.

How many of us would have saved ourselves a fair few trou- bles if we had listened when we heard our inner wisdom the first time around?

We will listen one day. The day we realize that it is fantastic to be ourselves. And we realize it is what we appreciate in others.

Are you listening?

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Reflection

I RECOGNIZE MY INNER DIRECTION BY...

Develop discernment through contrast.

Recall an easy decision you made. Take time to find this. A marriage proposal? The University you chose? Find the unmistakable feeling of inner Yes! or inner No Way! Get familiar with the difference. Tune into the difference often.

Notice when you ignore an inner directed feeling, as opposed to ignoring a passing thought.

Notice the ways your Inner Direction comes to you. Use the Ten Keys to strengthen this sense of recognition. Find your own tell-tale signs by answering the question, “How do I know my Inner Direction is here?” The recognition of it being here as opposed to not being here is really all you need.

Key Question: How does it change things for you to consider that everyone, including you, has an un-damageable capacity for innate inner direction?

Notes

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Notes

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Artistic Acknowledgements With heartfelt thanks for generous permission to use their beautiful photographs:

Pg. 9 Jon Ovington “Sky High” http://www.flickr.com/photos/25969014@N06/3158794117

Pg. 10 L.N. Batides “Saturday Safari Carnivore 285b” http://www.flickr.com/photos/9105819@N04/635589765

Pg. 11 Summerly Noon “Sky Shop” http://www.flickr.com/photos/52945389@N00/225009501

Pg. 12 Gary J. Wood, “Wet Maple Leaves” http://www.flickr.com/photos/garyjwood/276683877/

Pg. 13 Kevin Lawver “These Stairs Go All The Way Down” http://www.flickr.com/photos/kplawver/2761849145/

Pg. 17 Anonymous

By the Author

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The author, Elese Coit, is CEO of TrueChange Consultants LLC, a human potential consultancy firm working with companies to release the talent in their people and take their business to the next level.

The firm offers educational programs to businesses all over the globe and can be found on www.truechangeconsultants.com

About the Author

Elese Coit is a business management consultant and human potential expert with a long career leading successful business teams. She has held top posts in Telecommunications, IT, Web and Media FTSE 500 companies internationally including British Telecom and IMG Group. As a program manager, Elese delivered complex, business- critical change programs across the globe. She headed the Program and Project Management Division for BT Americas before becoming a business consultant and Chief Executive Officer of TrueChange Consultants (for- merly Sustainable Change Consulting Group).

Elese uniquely combines a management results track record with the latest in human capital and talent development. She lives in the USA and shares her passion and unique business experiences in her books and articles. Her company partners with organiza- tions to help them release people’s full talents into their businesses -- training leaders and teams in the connection between Poten- tial, Performance, and Human State of Mind.

Elese provides one-to-one personal coaching to leaders, executives and coaches when her schedule allows. She teaches advanced transformative coaching at the internationally renowned Supercoach Academy. She is on the board of the national non-profit or- ganization, the Center For Sustainable Change.

Elese is the author of a book on perspective entitled “101 New Pairs of Glasses” which is being used as a teaching tool in training, coaching and educational settings and can be found on Amazon, iBooks and iTunes, and finer bookstores.

TrueChange Consultants, LLC �

Tel: +1 858 866 8049 (USA Pacific Time)

[email protected]

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