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In My Mind Was Planted A Seed

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IN MY MIND WAS PLANTED A SEED

Writing by teens from the 386th Post Adjudication Drug CourtJudge Laura Parker and Bexar County Juvenile Probation

in partnership with Gemini Inkreaders and writers today and tomorrow

Summer 2009

4 5 Note: The authors’ work is edited as lightly as possible in order to honor and preserve their original voices.

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Forward

This chapbook showcases some of the writing and pho-tography by a group of young people, who for whatever circum-stance, found themselves in juvenile drug court in the summer of 2009. Their reflections touch on drugs, school, parents, friends, getting busted, and letting down those they love. There are also musings on recovery, change, and a desire for newness. It takes courage to tell our stories, and that is what they do here. To you, young writers, we wish you blessings and strength for a continued recovery.

Anisa OnofreDirector, Writers in Communities

Gemini Ink

Gemini Ink’s work at the Bexar County Juvenile Probation Department

and this publication were made possible by:Bexar County Juvenile Board

Special thanks to:Victoria Zapata-Klein, Writer-in-Residence

Judge Laura Parker,

386th Post Adjudication Drug CourtBexar County Juvenile Probation Department

Angela Martinez, InDesign ConsultantRosemary Catacalos, Executive Director, Gemini Ink

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But in my mind was planted a seedthat one day I could be freefree to live and love, and just be me.

-Spencer

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My first time being arrestedI was trippin’ shroomsI remember sittin’ in the cop car thinkingis this real or a dream

But it was realas I was sitting in the holding cellwatching the walls movethe designs in themwere somehow telling me my life is beginning to change

And it was

-Spencer

Spencer Age 16

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This is the crossroads it leads you any which wayThis is the crossroads, I’vechosen the wrong wayThis is the crossroads, it’swhere I started outThis is the crossroadsI look up I look downstill lost and confusedThis is the crossroads it’sgot me bruised

-JR

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I remember when I firstlet my grandma downwhen I turned fourteen

all through my lifeI had a rough timebut never let it get to me

until I got so frustrated with everythingI never told my grandma

to her I was perfectin her eyes

until my friends invited me to a partywasn’t sure how to askso I snuck out

It was tenshe told me to golock the gatesI didn’t lock themI closed them andacted as if I didthen at elevenI knew she was asleep

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I left, not thinkingshe would check on me

I left my phone off

at one, then over and overand over ‘til morningrang with voice mailsfrom her

I didn’t go home till six the next day

I was scared to face her

when I went homeshe said nothing

her face was sad

I couldn’t even look at herI knew deep downI hurt her real bad

I let her down

-Lauren

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It was the summergoing from 7th to 8th grade,I was with myfriends and we wereup to no good

We decided to tagon some signsand a schoolwe were walking homewhen the cops picked us up

All that was going through my headwas what are my parentsgoing to say

I was bored in the holding cell

I watched my friendschange into BCJDC uniforms.

Being my first timeI got to leave

mom and dad grounded mefor a month

-Medro

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MedroAge 17

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First time I got bustedby my momI was in 8th grade

I had gotten a coupleof her Vicodinand had took themto school

I had gottonall f*#@$% upthey kept asking meif I took anything

so I kept denying itsoon they found out

I got groundedfor a month

-Susie

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First time I let my dad downwas the first timeI got caughtsmoking weed

Dad and Igot into a bigfightended up boxing

ended with megetting kicked outmoving to my mom’s

which is whereeverything started

-Julian

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I was at school the first time I got in troublewith marijuanaI was shocked

never thought I would get arrested

knew my parentswould be upset

I was walking tothe restroom whena school copgrabbed me by my armand took me tothe office

I started to breakdown in tears

-JR

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I remember when I firstlet my mom downI was in the 9th gradeI had always beenin trouble at schoolwith the teachersor students

But when I gotsent to alternativemy mom was realdisappointed in me

I would rather havemy mom mad than disappointed in me

she eventuallygot over it

-Medro

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CelesteAge 17

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The time represents how much time there’s left you can only get away withso much. It’s only a timeperiod where you’re bound toget caught up. Being clean is like the city view relaxing, peaceful,and comfort. Everything isopen and not closed in. It’s likeyou can find yourself. Live everydaylike you’re supposed to ‘causetomorrow’s never promised.

-Celeste

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The kind of pills I took made me block out everything

made my angry rage out to the one’s I care aboutthe most about! I soon realized whoI was hurting, for what reason?Now I am looking for a positive wayto deal with the problems that willalways hover over me.Now I feel free like a sunflowerin the blistering hot sun!

-Alayna

AlaynaAge 17

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Before my life was the same boring routineBefore my life revolved around the same damn thingIt brought myself and others downIt had made me feel as ugly as the weeds on the groundBut now my mind is free and possibilities are openI can now think of ideas and better choices as good things pour from my mind like showersBest of all I feel the grace and beautylike a wonderful garden of flowersI’m free

-Julian

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My life was like a dark tunnel I didn’t know where I was going or if I will make it to the end. The tagging is the mistakes I’ve made.

Walking through the tunnel, I see a positive outcome when I reach the end.A picture of a bright sunflower. It needs plenty of water & sunlight to keep it alive and healthy. And just like that flower I need my school & my work to keep me strong and alive.

-Alayna

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I chose this picture becausewhen I was using I felt lostwith no one but my wastedfriends by my side I had nohelp I felt alone and thoughtnobody cared so I relied ondrugs to help me get through life.

-Susie

SusieAge 16

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This picture representsthe hard times, towards the end.I was stuck in a time of partying andnot caring about anythingI was getting tiredof it, and I knew it hadto come to an end. Ididn’t know how to controlmyself. I knew I was wrong.Rock bottom was whereI was headed.

-JR

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JRAge 17

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When I was on drugs everything felt not clear blurry like there wasa lot of things in my way likeone thing piled up after anotherAs I stop, I felt as if I was at resteverything felt peaceful and calmI started seeing things clear andI felt a lot of weight off my shoulderI felt a lot better than I felt whileusing.

- Lauren

Should I throw my life away doing drugs?

I’ve heard whereI would end up. I’ve heardit all, and I really do wannastop, but the thought is always there, knowing it will nevergo away, I keep trying andtrying, but sometimes I falland say f#@* it all. So how doI get up, and stay up? I don’tknow, but I’m gonna do it somehow, and show you all.

-Susie

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LaurenAge 16

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When I was using drugs I felt like a broken down car. I felt likeI wasn't going anywherewith my life. Stuckin the same spot.I didn't think anything wasgoing to change.

Now that I am offdrugs I feel likea brand new carready for whatevercomes to me, going places, feeling a lotbetter, and movingforward

-Medro

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MedroAge 17

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GEMINI INK is the only community-based center for literary arts and ideas in San Antonio and South Texas. During the past year, we served more than 5,600 readers, writers, and literary performance-goers representing a diverse sampling of our community’s population.

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