Herbert Kohl

COPYRIGHT © 1'194 BY HERBERT KOHL

"I Won't Learn From You"was previously published in somewhat di fferent form

by Milkweed Editions, Minneapolis, in Iggl.

"Uncommon Differences" appeared insomewhat different form in The Lion and the Unicorn 1992-,

vol. 16, no. I, publishedby the Johns Hopkins University Press.

A section of"Creative Maladjustment and theStruggle for Public Education"

appeared in somewhat different form under the title"In Defense of Public Education"

in Dissent, Spring 1993.

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I Won’t Learn from You

YEARS AGo, ONE of my fifth-grade studentstold me that hisgrandfatherWilfredo wouldn’t learn to speakEnglish. He saidthat no matterhowhardyou tried to teachhim, Wilfredo ignoredwhateverwordsyou tried to teach andforcedyou to speakto himin Spanish.When I got to know his grandfather,I asked,inSpanish,whether I could teach him English, and he told meunambiguouslythat he did not want to learn. Fie was frightened,lie said, that his grandchildrenwould never learn Spanishif hegavein like the restof the adultsandspokeEnglishwith the chil-dren.Then, hesaid, they would not knowwho they were. At theendof ourconversationhe repeatedadamantlythat nothingcouldmakehim learnto speakEnglish,that families andculturescouldnot survive if the children lost their parents’ languageandfinallythat learning what others wantedyou to learn can sometimesdestroyyou.

When I discussedWilfredo’s reflectionswith severalfriends,they interpretedhis remarksas a cover-upof either his fear of try-ing to learn English or his failure to do so. Theseexplanations,however, show a lack of respectfor WiLfredo’s ability to judgewhat is appropriatelearning for himself and for his grandchil-

“I WON’T LEARN FROM YOU” I WON’T LEARN FROM YOU

dren. By attributing failure to Wilfrcdo and by refusing toacknowledgethe loss his family would experiencethrough notknowing Spanish,they turnedacultural probleminto a personalpsychologicalproblem: they turned willed refusal to learn intofailure to learn.

I’ve thoughta lot aboutWilfredo’s consciousrefusal to learnEnglish andhave greatsympathyfor lus decision. I grew up in apartially bilingual family, in a housesharedby my parents,bornin New York City, and my grandparents,born in the Yiddish-speakingPolish part of the Pale of JewishSettlementin EasternEurope.I knowwhat it is like to face the problemof not-learningarid the dissolutionof culture. In addition, I have encounteredwilled not-learningthroughoutmy thirty years of teachingaridbelieve that such not-learningis often arid (lisastrouslymistakenfor failure to learnor the inability to learn.

Learninghow to not-learnis an intellectualarid socialchal-lenge;sometimesyou haveto work veryhardat it. It consistsof anactive, often ingenious,willful rejectionof eventhe mostcompas-sionateandwell-designedteaching.It subvertsattemptsat reme-diation as much as it rejectslearningin the first place.It wasthrough insight into my own not-learningthat I began to under-standthe innerworld of studentswho choseto not-learnwhat Iwantedtwteach.Over the years I’ve cometo side with them intheir refusal to be moldedby a hostile societyand havecome tolook uponriot-learningaspositiveandhealthyin manysituations.

Befbrelooking in detail atsonic of my students’not-learningandtheintricateways in whichit was part of their self-respectandidentity, I want to shareone of my own early ventures into not-learning and self-definition. I cannotspeakYiddish, though Ihave hadopportunitiesto learn from the time I was born. Myfather’s parentsspokeYiddish most of the time, and since myfamily lived downstairsfrom them in a two-family housefor fhur-teen of my first seventeenyears,my failure to learnwasn’t from

lack of exposure.My fatherspeaksboth Yiddish and Englishandnever indicatedthat he wouldn’t teach me Yiddish. Nor did heevertry to coerceme to learnthe language,so I neverhadeduca-tional traumasassociatedwith learning Yiddish. My mother andher family hadeverythingto do with it. Theydidn’t speakYiddishat all. LearningYiddish meantbeingparty to conversationsthatexcludedmy mother. I didn’t reject my grandparentsand theirlanguage.It’s just that I didn’t want to he included in conversa-tions unlessmy motherwas also included.In solidaritywith her Ilearnedhowto not-learnYiddish.

Therewas Yiddish to he heardeverywherein my environ-ment, exceptat public school: on the streets,at home, iii everystore. Learning to not—learn Yiddish meant that I had to forgetYiddish wordsas soonas I heardthem.Whenwordsstuck in myhead,I hadto refuseto associatethe soundswith anymeaning.Ifsomeonetold a story in Yiddish, I had to talk to myselfquietly inEnglish or hum to myselfl If a relative greetedme in Yiddish, Irespondedwith the uncomprehendinglook I had rehearsedforthose occasions.I also remeniberlearning to concentrateon thecomponentsoundsof words and thus shut out the speaker’smeaningor intent. In doing so I allowed myself to he satisfiedwith understandingthe emo~jonalflow of a conversationwithoutknowing what peoplewere saying. I was doingjust the reverseofwhat beginningreadersare expectedto do—readwords andunderstandmeaningsinsteadof getting stuckon particular lettersand the soundsthey make. In effect, I used phonics to obliteratemeaning.

In not-learrungYiddish, I hadto ignore phrasesandgestures,evenwhole conversations,as well as words.And therewere manylively, interestingconversationsupstairsat my grandparents’.Theyhad meetingsabout union activities, talked about family mattersandevents in Europeand later in Israel. They discussedarticlesin the Daily Forward, the Yiddish newspaper,and plays down-

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“i WON’T LEARN FROM YOU” I WON’T LEARN FROM YOU

town in the Yiddish theater.Everyonewas a poet,and everybodyhadan opinion. I let myselfreadhandsarid faces,andI imaginedideasandopinionsbouncingaroundthe room. I experiencedtheseconversationsmuch in the way I learnedto experienceItal-ian operawhenI was fourteen.I hadasenseof plot andcharacteramid could Ihllow the flow anddramaof personalinteraction,yet Ihad no idea of the specificsof what was being said. To useanotherimage:it was as if I were ata foreign-languagemoviewithmy father, my uncles,and my grandmotherproviding EnglishsubtitleswheneverI askedfir helpunderstandingwhatwas goingon. I allowed myself to be contentwith this partial knowledge,but now I mourn the loss of the languageand culture of myfather’sfamily that it entailed.

Deciding to actively not—learn somethnginvolves closingoffpart of oneselfand limiting one’s experience.It can requireactively refusingto pay attention,acting dumb,scramblingone’sthoughts,andoverriding curiosity. The balanceof gains andlossesresultingfrom sucha turningawayfrom experienceis diffi-cult to assess.I still can’t tell how much I gainedor lost by not-learningYiddish. I know that I lost a languagethat would haveenrichedmy life, hut I gainedan understandingof thepsychologyof active not-learmngthat hasbeenvery useful to me asa teacher.

Becauseriot-learninginvolves willing rejectionof someaspectof experience,it can often lead to what appearsto he failure. Forexample,in the caseof someyoungsters,not-learningto readcanbe confusedwith failing to learn to readif the rejection of learn-ing is overlookedas a significant factor. I had thathappento mewhen I was eleven arid expandednot-learningYiddish to not-learning Hebrew. I was sent to cliedar, Hebrewschool, to learnthat part of theTorah that I would haveto readaloudin front ofthewhole congregationduring my bar mitzvah. My family was riotat all religious,andthoughwe belongedto a temple,weattendedservicesonly on Yom Kippur. From my perspectivethe point of

going to Hebrewschoolwas not to learn Hebrewbut to ensurethat I didn’t embarrassmy parentswhen I had to recite part ofthe Torah at my bar mitzvah. As I figured it, if I not-learnedHebrew,it would saveme a lot of effort and time I could useforscienceprojectsandmy rathertentativeexperinientswith writing.And so for two years I applied what I had learnedaboutnot-learningYiddish and I not-learnedHebrew. I could read thesoundsandrecite my way through the Ma/tzor, the daily prayerbook, and tlie Torah. I listened to our teacher-rabbidrone onabouttherighteousnessof theJewsandoi.ir specialrole in history;andI wassilent thoughcynical.

I did, however,get in trouble lhr my arrogant not-learning.One day the rabbi gave us a test with questionswritten inHebrew. Since I couldn’t translatea word from HebrewtoEnglish, much lessan entire question, my prospectsfor passingthe testwere not good. I was too proud to show the rabbi that Icouldn’t do the test, so I set it up with my friend Ronnie that Iwould copy his test. Cheatingin Hebrewschoolwas riot a moralissue to me but a matterof saving face. Ronnieunderstoodmydilemmaperfectly and told me he would haveloved to not-learnHebrewtoo, only his father insistedon testinghim every night onhis Hebrewschoollessons.

During the test I succeededin copyingRonrue’swhole paper,which I knewwas a sureA, only I failed! worsethanif I hadwrit-ten lettersat ramidom in mock Hebrewon the test sheet..Therabbi returnedall of the papersexceptRonnie’sandmine.Thenhe called the classto attentionarid saidhe felt a needto givespe-cial appreciationto Ronnie,for not onlyhad Ronniegotten oneA, he also receivedasecondA which, therabbi said,was the firsttime in his career that any studenthad done thatwell. Arid, headded,Herbertdidn’t handin any paperat all, which he told theclasswas worsethantrying amid failing. It seemsthat I hadcopiedRonnie’spaperso accuratelythat I had answeredthe Hebrew

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question “What is your name?”with Ronnie’s Hebrewname.Iwas thoroughlyhumiliatedin front of all of my friends and,for allmy arroganceabout getting away with not-learningHebrew, feltvery stupid.

I neverfbrgot tins humiliation, andwhen I becamea teacher,I resolvedneverto humiliateanyof my students.I alsodecidedtoassumethat therewere complexfactorsbehindany apparentfail-urewhich, if understood,could be used to transformit into posi-tive learning.Not-learningYiddish and Hebrewhas made mevery sensitiveto the differencebetweennot-learningandfailing tolearn. Failure is characterizedby the frustratedwill to know,whereasnot-learninginvolves themmill to refuseknowledge.Failureresultsfrom a mismatchbetweenwhat the learnerwants to doandis able to do. The reasonsfor failure may be personal,social,or cultural, but whateverthey are, the resultsof failure are mostoften a lossof self-confidenceaccompaniedby a senseof infer or-ity and inadequacyNot-learningproducesthoroughlydifferenteffects, It tends to strengthen the will, clarify one’s definition ofself~reinforceself-discipline,and provide inner satisfaction.Not-learningcan also get one in trouble if it results in defiance or arefusal to becomesocializedin ways that are sanctionedby thedominantauthority.

Not-learning tendsto take placewhen someonehas to dealwith unavoidablechallengesto heror his personalandfamily loy-alties, integrity and identity In such situations thereare forcedchoicesandno apparentmiddleground.To agreeto learnfrotn astrangerwho doesriot respectyour integrity causesa majorloss ofself. The only alternativeis to not-learnand r&jeet the stranger’sworld.

In the courseof my teachingcareerI have seenchildrenchooseto riot-learn many difl’erent skills, ideas, attitudes,opin-ions, and values. At first E confusednot-learningwith failing.When I had youngstersin my classeswho were substantially

“behind” in reading,I assumedthatthey hadfailed to learn howto read.Therefore,I lookedfor the sourcesof their failure in thereadingprogramstheywere exposedto, in their relationshipswithteachersand otheradultsin authority, andin the social and eco-nomic conditionsof their lives. I assumedthat somethingwentwrongwhenthey facedawritten text, thateither they madeerrorsthey didn’t know how to correct or they were the victims of badteaching.

Other causesof failure I searchedfor were mismatchesbetweenthe studenits’languageandthe languageof theschoolsorbetweenthe students’experiencesand the kind of’ experiencepresupposedby their teachersor thereadingtexts. In all of thesecasesI assumedthat my studentshad failed at somethingtheyhadtried to do. SometiniesI was correct,and thenit was easy tofigure out astrategyto help them avoid old errorsandlearn, freeof failure. But therewere manyeasesI came upon whereobvi-ously intelligent studentswere beyondsuccessor failure when itcameto readingor otherschool-relatedlearning.They hadcon-sciously placedthemselvesoutsidethe entire systemthat was try-ing to coerceor seducethem into learningamid spentall their timeandenergyin the classroomdevisingways of not-learning,short-circuiting thebusinessof failure altogether.Theywere engagedina struggleof’ wills with authority, andwhat seemedto he at stakefor them was nothing lessthan their pride and integrity. Most ofthem did not believethat theywerefailuresor that theywere ink-nor to studentswho succeededon the schools’ terms, and theywere easy to distinguishfrom the woundedself-effacingstudentswho wantedto learnbut had not heenable to do so.

I rememberotie student,Barry; who was in one of my com-bined kindergartenand first-grade classesin Berkeley in the197os. He had beenheld hackin the first gradeby his previousteacherfor beinguncooperative,defiant, and “not ready for thedemandsof secondgrade.” He was sent to my class becauseit

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“I WON’T LEARN FROM YOU” I WON’T LEARN FROM YOU

was multi-age-graded,andtheprincipal hopedI could getbum tocatch up andgo on with otherstudentsbus ageby theendof theyear. Barry was confidentandcockybut not rude.Froni his com-ments in classit was clear that he was quite sensitiveandintelli-gent. The other studentsin the class respectedhim as the bestflgbiter amid athletein class,andas askilled arid funnystoryteller.

During the first week of school, oneof the studentsmen-tioned to rue that their teacherthe previousyear hadbeenafraidof Barry. I’ve seena niumberof easeswhere wbute teacherstreatvery youngAfrican-Americanboysas if they were seventeen,oversix feet tall, addictedto drugs, and menacing.Barry was a victimof that manifestationof racism, lie had evidentlybeengiven tbierun of the schoolthe previousyear—hadbeenallowedto wanderthe halls atwill, refuseparticipation in groupactivities,andavoidany semblanceof academicwork. Consequently,lie fell behindamid was not promotedfrom first to secondgrade.

The first time I askedBarry to sit down arid readwinh mtie, hethrew a tempertantrum arid called tne all kindsof names.Wenevergot neara book. I hadto relateto hisbehavior,not his read-ing. Therewas rio way for nne to discoverthe level of his skills orbus knowledgeof’ how readingworks. I tried to get him to readafew more times and watched bus responsesto me very carefully.His tantrumsclearly were manufacturedon tbie spot. Theywere astrategyof not-reading.He nevergot close enoughto a book tohavefailed to learnhow to read.

The year hefore, this responsehad the efl’ect he wanted.Hewas let aloneand, as a bonus,gainedstatusin the eyes of theotherchildren as beingsomeoneteachersfeared.Not-reading,astragic as it might becomein his future, was very successfulforbum as a kindergartner.My job as a teacherwas to get him to feelmore empoweredby readingthan by practicinghis active not-learning to read.

I developeda strategyof empowermentfor Barry and didn’t

evenbotherto think aboutremediation.I was convincedhe couldlearn to readperfectly well if lie assentedto learn how to read.The strategywas simple amid involved a calculatedrisk. I decidedto force him to readwith me and then make it appearto othermembersof the class that he could readwell, and that his pastresistancewasjust a gamelie controlled. The goal was to havehim show nrc up in class, as if his past failure was ajoke he wasplaying on us all, andhavehim displayto the entire class a read-ing ability he didn’t know hehad.

I preparedmyselffor abit of drama.OneMondayafternoonI askedBarry to conic readwith inc. Naturally, all the otherstu-dentsstoppedwhat they were doing and waited for the show.They wantedto see if Barry would he able to not-readone moretime. He looked at rue, then turnedaround andwalked away. Ipicked up a book,went over to him, gently but firmly sat himdown in a chair,andsat down myself. Beforehe could throw theinevitabletantrum,I openedthe hookandsaid, “Here’s the pageyou have to read. It says, ‘This is a bug. This is ajug. This is ahugin thejug.’ Now readit to me.” He startedto squirmandputhis handsoverhis eyes. Only I couldseea sly grin forming as hesneakeda look at thebook. I hadgiven bum the answers,told himexactlywhat he hadto do to show me andthe restof the classthathe knew howto readall along. It was his decision: to go on play-ing his not-learninggameor acceptmy face-savinggift and openup the possibility of learningto read. I offered him the possibilityof enteringinto a teaching-learningrelationshipwith me withoutforcing hini to give up any of his status,and fortunately heacceptedthe gil’t. He mumbled,“Thus is a bug, this is ajug, thisis a bug in ajug,” then tossedthehook on the floor and, turningto one of the other children, said defiantly, “See, I told you Ialreadyknowhowto read.”

This ritual battlewas repeatedall week and into the next,subsidingslowly as lie felt that the gamewas no longer necessary

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and that he was figuring out the relationshipof letters to sotinds,words,and meamungs.After awhile, readingbecamejust anotheroneof tbie thingsthat Barry did in class.I miever did anyremedialteachingor treatedhim as a failed reader. In fact, I was able toreachhim by acknowledginghis choiceto not-learnandby trick-ing him out of it. However, if he hadrefusedassent,thereis noway I could have forced him to learn to read. That was a veryimportant lessonto me. It helped rue understamidthe essentialrole that will and free choice play in learning,and it taught methe importanceof considerimigpeople’sstancetoward learninginthe largercontextof the choicesthey makeas they createlives andidentitiesfor themselves.

Overthe years,I’ve known manyyoungsterswho choseto activelynot-learnwhat their school,society,or family tried to teach them.Not all of’ them werepotentialvictims of their own choicesto not-learn. For some,not-learningwas a strategythat madeit possiblefor them to function on the margins of society insteadof’ fallinginto madnessor total despair. It helpedthem build a small, safeworld in which their feelings of beimigrejectedby family andsoci-ety could be softened.Not-learningplayeda positive role andenabledthem to take control of their lives and get throughdifficult times. Recently,I encountereda young mmian I’ve knownsince he was in elementaryschoolwho has becomea masterofnot-learningandhas turned it into an artistic life form. Rick, whois nineteen,hasconsciouslychosento reject the conventionalval-ues of nuddle-classlife. Throughhis poetry lie scornsand criti-cizessuch pious valuesas hardwork, obedience,patriotism, loy-alty, and money Fle honedhis not-learmungskills in elementaryschoolandbecameparticularly adeptat them in junior highschool. An articulate,consciousriot-learner,Rick is very explicitabout his achievements.He claims that the most difficult not-learninghe everdid was in introductory algebra,wbueh lie failed

threetimes. Rick is very quick in math, and therewere no intel-lectual reasonshecouldn’t learnalgebra.

Therewere emotional reasonsRick refusedto learni algebra,but it’s essentialto distinguishherebetweenhis decisionto not-learni algebraand his ability to learn it. Rick could have learnedalgebraquite easily. Therewas nothingwrong with his mind, hisability to concentrate,or his ability to dealwith abstractideas. Hecould read,andhe did readbookshe chose.He knew biow to dovery complexbuilding projects andscienceexperiments.Heenjoyedplaying aroundwith athleticstatisticsandgamblingodds.Hejust rejectedthe whole idea of being testedand measuredagainstotherstudentsand,thoughhewas forced to attendschool,therewas rio way to forcehim to perform.He refusedto learnandthrough that refusalgainedpowerover his parentsand teachers.As a free autonomousindividual, he choseto not-learn,and thatwaswhat his parentsand the schoolauthoritiesdidn’t know howto dealwith.

It’s interestinghow stuck parentsand school authoritiesareon a single way to live and learn. Any youngsterwho refuses toperform as deniandedis treatedas a major threat to theentire sys-tem. Expertsareconsulted,complexpersonalor family causesarefabricated,specialprogramsare inivented,all to protectthe systemfrom changingitself and accommodatingdifference.PeoplelikeRick then get channeledinto marginial school experiencesand,toooften, mniarginahzedlives.

Rick told me thatnot-learningalgebrawas an intriguingchal-lenge,since he felt that the abstractrepresentationof complexmathernaticai relationshipsmight interest him as much as chess(lid. In order to force failure Rick found ingeniousways to dis-solve equationsinto markson the pageby creatingvisual exercisesthat treatedthe equationsas nonmathemniaticalmarkings.Forerample,oneexercise consistedof’ readingan equationfrom theequalsign out in a numberof stepsso that he would read

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“I WON’T LEARN FROM YOU” WON’T LEARN FROM YOU

3a+2b=I2a—32as the sequence:=, bi, 2hn2, +2h=i2a,a+2b=12a—,etc. Sometimeshe would even memorizethesequence.

When Ins teacheraskedhim what hewas doing,he explainedexactlywhathis procedurewas,infuriating the teachermore thanif he hadmerelysaidhe didn’t understandtheproblem.

Rick’s rejection of authority is sincere,well thoughtout, andbasedon a personalanalysisof some unsettlingexperienceshebias hadin his family life. Thereis fear of’ the world andpersonalinsecurityin his rejectiontoo. Hebelieves that peopleshouldnotjudgeeach other, that they should live with mimmal possessionsand take pleasurefrom eachother’scompamiyand from their owncreativeabilities. Rick, who is a mniusician, is an anarchistwholives Ins belief’s. He lefi school, movedout of his home, andnowlives communallywith othermembersof his handandafew otherfriends. Their ambition, in addition to making music andart, isto live free of institutional control and to restoresomepeaceandsanutyto an earththey seepulled apartby greedandcompetition.

Consistentwith tins philosophy,Rick told me thathe hasnot-learnedmany thingswhicbi go againsthis beliefs. Someof themappearextreme,but none of them harm anybodyor hurt theearth though they do offend social customs.For example,he hasnot-learnedto wear shoesand bias developeda whole seriesofstrategiesso that he canmanageto get into placeswhereshoesarerequiredor expected,such asrestaurantsor theaters.Rick distin-guishesnot-learningto wear shoesfi’om simply refusing to wearshoes,The differenceis manifestedmi Rick’s total lack of hostilitywhenpeople tell bum that shoesare requiredor expected.Rick’sresponseis that he’s sorry about it but he can’twear shoes. Insuccessfullynot-learningto wear shoesdespite the pressureonhim to wear them, it’s no longer ani issuefor him andthereforeliehas avoidedthe defiantattitudeof someonewho merelyrefusestowear shoes.

More generally,Rick is not askingto be acceptedor rejectedfor what he does.Being left aloneto be as he pleasesis enough.He has chosenhow he will arid won’t be socialized,what he’lllearni andwhat he’ll not-learn.Many of Ins argumentsagainstconsunnerismnand the arrogantwastefulnessof our societyareconvincing. In someways his life is healthierandsanerthan thenorm. Unfortunately,thereare peoplewho representthe institu-tions of’ conformityof our societyandresentRick’s choice to notconform. They try to categorize,stigmatize,andeven institution-alize amid punish him. Herefusesto learn to actaccordingto theirdefinitions of him. He sayshe’ll not-learnto be crazyor criminaland won’t be driven to give up his autonomyand sanity byacceptingtheir right to invalidatehis experiencesand stigmatizehim. I don’t knowhow Rickwill makeout in the future. I worrythat the rejection he hasexperiencedwill finally wear him downandthathe’ll turn nastyor go crazy.

It may be that he’ll also find that one day he’ll wish he knewthingshe’d not-learned.That happenedto me when, in Septem-ber of i954, I left the Bronx for Harvard, encounteredmy firstProtestants,and found myselfwishing I could speakHebrew Inmy neighborhoodin the Bronxandat the Bronx High SchoolofScience,I never consideredmyself a memberof an ethnic orracial minority, since I wasn’t.Most of the peoplein my neighbor-hoodandatschoolwereJewish.I wasn’t naive—I knew thatJewswere persecuted,that we were a sornietimesrejectedand despisedethnic minority in the Umiited States.But on an everydaylevel Ilived with Jews,went to schoolwith Jews,and for the most partsocializedwitbi Jews. In my neighborhood,in addition to Jewstherewere Italiansand Irish, anid a smatteringof African Ameri-cansandPuerto Ricans. In high school, my few non-Jewishfriendswere African-American,Irish, or Italian; Before I went toHarvard I was accustomedto living in a daily world in which Iwas part of the majority, and I actedamid lived without tbiat cau-

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don, suspicion, andself-consciousnessminorities often developwhentheyhavedaily contactwith adominantmajority~

At Harvard I soonrealizedthat thesocialworldwas thor-oughly different from the one I grew up in. Not only did whiteProtestantmalesdominatemy freshmandorm (Harvardwasall-malethen),but I felt they enjoyedindulging that dominancebybringing up the Sueof myJewishnessandof my working-classbackground.Thismay have beendonein a spirit ofgoodwill, butI couldn’texperienceit thatwa~During all-night bull sessionsIwas asked about the Bronx, about Judaism, about the way myfamilylived,allinawaythatseemedtoprecludemyaskingthemabouttheir backgrounds. I wasthe curiosity they were the norm.One student on my floor urged me to comewith him toMemorialChapel to hear Reinhold Niebuhr preach so that I could beexposedto the sophistication and relevance of contemporaryProtestantthinking. Another urged me to read the New Tess-men~informing me that no educatedpersoncould live withoutknowing it. And then I rememberconversationsabout peopleandplacesI had never heardof, prep school talk that made me feelvery much a foreigner.

My problem was compoundedby a number of other Jewishstudentswhowere also discovering their everydayminority statusandwere respondingto it by becomingaggressivelyJewish.Theypressuredme tojoin Hillel, the Jewish student organization, inorder to alleviate someof the stressby spending time in a self-segregatedJewishenvironmentwhere the illusion ofbeingpart ofa mi~joritycouldbe reestablished.

I wanted to be myself,neitherminoritynor majoritjç andrejected both the pressureto assimilateand to separate. It wasvery hard towalk that thin linealone,yet there wasno one to talkto about mydesireto learneverythingHarvardhad to offerwith-out giving up myselt And I thought a lot about my &ther’s par-ents thosedays.Theyhadcome from EasternEuropethrough

Germanyand Englandto the UnitedStates.They didn’t try toassimilateanddidn’t fail into any protectivereligious onhodo~My grandfitthermaintainedhis socialistvision of onebig union ofall peoplesandculturesandmusthave thought aboutthepith-Inns I wasnow Scing. If — I could speakto him intimatel~cpersonally~find out his ideas,learnhis thoughtsabouthis ownexperiencesandhearhis words,notassongsor throughtransla-tions,butasmeanings.I wishedI spokeYiddishandfelt angryatmyselffor havingwillfixlly reflisedtolearnit. Onlywhenit wastoolate did I understandwhat I had lost by not-learning Yiddish.The voice I neededto hearand to call on in my own musingsabout identity wasnot there for me. I managedto limp along andafter a while discovered,first through reading, and later throughtraveling and finding friends, voicesand people that helped meunderstand how to crossboundaries of classandculturewithoutlosing my own identity HeweveçI’m convincedthat it hasbeenalonger and more painful voyage than it might have beenhad Iknown the languagemygrandparentsspoke.

Alcmiç a youngAfrican-Americanman I had the privilege ofwing for the last threeye is of his life, v~ Iwas

and struggledto learnand maintain his culture and learn hisroots despitea racistschoolsystemthathe was requiredto attend.In schoolhe was a passionatenot-learner. I remember his tellingme of spendinga semesterin a junior high schoolsocial studiesclassnot merely not-learning the subjectbut actively trying todestroy the teacher’s and the textbook’s credibilit)~Akmir hadjoined a militant separatistgroup that was an offshoot of theNationofIslam. Theybelievedthat theywere among the y per-centof African Americanswho understoodthe truth that the~destroyed.Oneoftheir— waspurifyingHarlemofall whites.

Akmir’s experienceswith whitesdid very little to refine the 7percenters’analysis.Thatopinion accuratelyapplied to one of

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“I WON’T LEARN FROM YOU” I WON’T LEARN FROM YOU

Akmir’s high school history teachers,who believed that his stu-dents—African-Americanand PuertoRican—werestupid, lazy,and incapableof understandingcomplexideas.He talked to theclass in a condescendingmannel;addressingthem as “you” as in“You peopledon’t know how to hold a job,” arid “You peoplehave neverlearned to adoptAmerican valuesand that’s why youcan’tcompetein the marketplace.”

Most of the studentswere contentto not-learnwhat he taughtby playing dumb. A few actually learnedwhat he taught andbelievedthat they were stupid arid incapableof productivelives.Akmir audone friend, ThomasX, were actively defiant.They notonly refusedto learn what he taught but tried to take over theclassand changethe curriculum into an attackon white racism.Wheneverlie talked aboutAmerican values, for example, theywould point out that slaverywas an Americanvalue accordingtothe Constitutionand would try to demonstratethat racism, notlack of intelligenceor ability, was the root of black failure andpover~The teachertried to shut them up, referred them to theguidancecounseloi sent them to the principal, and in everywaybut answeringtheir challenges,tried to silence them. Nothingworked, becauseAkmir andThomasX refused to acceptthevalidity of schoolauthorityand preachedto the principal and thecounselorsthe sameline they preachedin class. After onesemesterof bitter struggleatthis school, bothAkmir andThomasX were transferredto a special school for discipline problems.Thesewere schoolsfbr youngsterswho hadmasteredstrategiesofnot-learningandinfririated schoolauthoritieshut haddone noth-ing wrong. The schoolswere created to separate,within analreadyracially segregatedsystem,teacherswho were failing theirstudentsfrom their angryvictims,

I didn’t knowAkmir until threeyearsafterhe left high school.He had passedall of his classes,hut his diploma had beenwith-held fi-orn him for “citizenship” reasons.The principalandguid-ancecounselordecided that hewasn’t a loyal American sincehe

raisedquestionsthat they interpretedas anti_American.Theydecidedthathedidn’t deserveto graduatebecauseof’ thisattitudeanddecreedthat he had to take and passa coursein citizenshipsometimeduring the two years after his class graduatedin orderto receivethe diploma he had rightfully earnedby passingall therequiredcourses.They also told mm that sometimein the futuretheywould decidewhatwork or schoolexperiencecould countasa citizenship class.Akmir told them what he thoughtof thembefore leavingtheschoolfor whathe believedwas the last time.

At the time(it was 1965),1 was a graduatestudentatTeachersCollege,Columbia Ijniversity, andBetty Rawls, anothergraduatestudent,andI were teachinga class in psychologyfor a group ofhigh-school-agedstudentswho were older brothersand sistersof formerstudentsof mine from Harlem. BrendaJackson,oneof the students,broughtAkmir to classone day. Theywere a hitlate, arid when theyarrived, the class was discussingwhetherFreudian ideasapplied to teenagersgrowing up in Harlem. Thediscussionwas quite lively, but when Brendaand Akmir cameinto the room,everyone fell silent. Brendasat down, but.Akmirremainedstandingand looked straight at me. I noticed howstronghe looked,both physically andmentally.

Since everyoneelse in the room remainedsilent, I talkedaboutmy understandingof Freudandbroughtup somequestionsI hadaboutsomemain Freudianconcepts.After aboutfive min-utesAkmir took a few stepstoward the front of the room andsaidquietly but fiercely, “That’swhite man’spsychology.”

I didn’t disagreeand suggestedhe go into his reasonsformaking that statement.He saidtherewas no point in doing it fora white man, whereuponI told him he was wrong, addingthatthoughFreudwas awhite man, he was alsoa bourgeoisVienneseJew who hadgrown up in the late i800s and that it was unclearwhetherhis ideaswere adequateto accountfor the psychologyofnon-Jews,of working-classpeople,of women, and of’ youngpeo-ple in the x96os,aswell as of blacks.

17

“1 WON’T LEARN FROM YOU” 1 WON’T LEARN FROM YOU

He pushedasidemy commentsand begana harangueonracism, injustice, and the Wildernessof North America, whichwas theway Black Muslims referredto the Umted States. I grewangry and told him that the classwas voluntary, that he couldleaveif hewantedto, but thatwe were there to learntogethei; andI wasn’tbullshitting aboutwantingto know his ideas.Any intelli-gentposition could he presented,defended,and argued,hutlearningcouldn’t take placewithout respectfor everybody’svoice.

The studentsglancedanxiouslybackandforth fromAkmir tome. I restedmy caseand he smiled and said, “Well, maybeweshould start with ego psychologyand see what ego means forwhitepeopleand fbi blackpeople.”I agreed,andweenteredintothat discussion.

After classAkmir cameup andintroducedhimselE I told himthat his questionsand challengeswere justwhat theclass neededand invited him to join us. Betty and I usuallyassignedmaterialto be readfor eachclass,but since mostof the studentsdidn’t getaroundto readingit, we beganeach classsummarizingtheissueswe intendedto discuss.Akmnir readeverything,studied it thor-oughly; and came to class preparedto argue. He readall of’ thematerial aggressively,looking for sentencesor phrasesthat indi-catedor could he interpretedto imply racism,rangingfrom usesof the words “black” or “dark” to signif~’evil to sophisticatedargumentsthat implied the superiorityof Westernculture. For afew sessionsthe class was dominatedby his qucstioningof ourtexts.At first I thoughtit was a gamne meantto provokeme,hut itsoon becameclear that that was an egotistic responseon my part.Akmir was huntingdown American English fbr insinuationsofracism and was trying to purify the language.He had learnedsotneof thesetechniquesfrom the Black Muslims and ~ per-centers,whowere very skillfhl in huntingout claims of Europeanpurenessamid African primitivity and who understoodthat whensophisticatedWesternerswere ctmtrastedwith unsophisticatedpeoplesof color, racism was afoot. I learnedfrom Akmir’s analy-

seshow I too fell into sloppy, racist linguistic habitsarid came totake his criticismsseriously. I tried to read texts from his point ofview and pick out the phrasesand thoughtsthat he might findoffensive. In some cases,it madereadingfamiliar material veryuncomfortable.I had thought of having the class analyzeCon-rad’sHeart ofDarknessfrom a psychoanalyticpoint of’ view hutdecidedto abandonthat exercisebecause,on rereadingit withAkmir’s sensitivitiesin mind, the explicit and offensiveracism atthe heartof the story appalledme. I had known hefbre that thestory could be interpretedas racist, hut had always felt that thatwasjusta secondary,unfortunateaspectof an extraordinarypieceof writing. This time, though the quality of the writing wasn’tdiminishedby my new reading,the story becamerepugnanttome, The racism becamethe primary characteristicof the writing,not a secondaryone that could he umiderstoodand explainedaway in light of Conrad’scultural backgroundandhistorical situ-ation. And I understoodthat I shouldn’t teachThe Heart ofDarknessunless I was ready to deal explicitly with the text’sracismandcondemnConrad.

Lastyear,more thantwentyyearsafter this incident, I readanessayby theNigerian novelistChinuaAchebeentitled “An Imageof Africa: Racismin Conrad’sHeartofDarkness”* thatconfirmedmy analysisof the Conrad story. Achebe, after tnaking his caseagainstConrad, statesquite unambiguously;“The point of myobservationsshould he quite clearby nos~namely thatJosephConradwas a thoroughgoingracist. That tins simple truth isglossedover in criticismsof his work is due to the fact thatwhiteracism against Africa is such a normal way of thinking that itsmanifestationsgo completelyunremarked’t

I learnedfrom Akmir’s readingtechniqueshow to unlearn

* In Chinua Achehe,HopesandImpediments(GardenCity, N.Y.: Double-

day, 1989), pp. 1—20.

~Ibid., p. ~r,

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“m WON’T LEARN FROM YOU” I WON’T LEARN FROM YOU

habits of mine that let such racism in books passunexamined.Before knowinghim, I wasnot attunedto manyof the nuancesofracist implication becauseI was not the victim of racism. I d~dnot suffer throughevery offensivephraseI encounteredwhenreading, nor did I experienceragewhen racism was cloaked inthe authorityof tradition or the languageof excellence.The lackof that sensitivity botheredme, andI hadto unlearnthis insensi-tivity to biasedyet traditional ways of speakingand writing. Inaddition, I had to learn how to choosemy own languageandlearn to makethe avoidanceof racist referenceh’abit. I had tothink very carefullyabout talking about“dark intents” amid “blackdeeds”;to avoid usingcomparisonslike “civilized/primitive,” and“sophisticated/unsophisticated”;and to eliminatecharacteriza-tions like “disadvantaged”arid “deprived.” I hadto learnto thitikfrom the perspectiveof someonewho had miot-learnedracist lan-guage, and that experiencehas beenan imnportantpart of mnygrowth and development.Akmir’s insistenceupon the details ofracist referenceinlluencedhow I read,speak,andwrite in muchthe sameway that current feminist writing is influencing me. Forme it was a matterof’ unlearningwhat could be called habitsofinclusionandexclusion.Akmir’s not-learningto speakor think inthe racistways of his teacherswas, for him, a healthyresponsetoracism. Unlearningracist andsexist languagerepresentsfor me asimilar commitmentto struggleagainst racism and sexismin aneverydayand thorough mannerIt is not merely an intellectualexercise.

A few yearsago in a college seminarI taught, one of theyoungwotnenin theclass took a stancetowardnot-learningsexistlanguagethat remnindedme of Akmir’s stancetoward thelanguageof racism. For example,she constantlycorrectedanyonein classwho usedmasculinereferencesto representall people. Sherephrased,out loud, statementssuch as “Man needsto do mean-ingful work” or “No matterwhat a doctoris doimig, he’s alwaysoncall,” andshewould insistupon class tine to rephraseeveryseri-

tencein a storyor article we readto makegenderreferencesexact.I agreedwith her posiüonbut was initi’aily annoyedat the time it

was takingup in class.Howevei whensomeof the male studentsstartedbaitingher for beingso insistenton chamigingtheir habitsof thoughtand ridiculing her as a “liberated girl,” I supportedher in her struggleand resolved to let the issuetake overtheclass,if it caine to that. I decidedthat, for thosestudents,it was mmioreimportant to deal with genderissuesthan with the othereduca-tional issueswewere supposedto he covering.I madegenderamidthepowerof lamiguageto mold thoughtthe focusof the restof thesemimiar.Unlearningthe languageof sexismwith the guidanceofsomeonewho had not-learnedit was a wonderful educatiotialadventurefor meand,I hope,fur the restof the students.

As a white male, I am included in time male referentof mostgeneralphrases.I feel includedin, though not necessarilydescribedby, statementssuchas:

Man’s actionsaredeterminedby egocentricmotives,

Man is arationalanimal.

All menare createdequal.

It is man’sfate to die.

Up to about ten or fifteen years ago it neveroccurredto mncthat women might not feel includedin thesestatements.Whenthis lack of inclusionwas first pointedout to me, I put it down tohistorical circumstancesof no current significance—nothingtotake too seriously.The useof the male pronoun“lie” in sentemicessuch as “If a personwantssomething,he should fight for it”seemedcomfortableand ordinary. I had developeda habit ofinclusion that was eomfbrtable to me becauseI was included.Itwasn’t comfortable to the excluded,to mny wife or daughters,asmy studentpointedout to me. Shewas right. Exelusiomi,whetherbasedon gendei; race, class, or any othercategory; is a way ofinsultittg and injuring people. I taughtmyself to unlearnthehabits of what could be called mnale-talkby thinking of her as a

20 21

“I WON’T LEARN FROM YOU” I WON’T LEARN FROM YOU

readerwhen I read,until sensitivity to genderreferencebwinnehabit.

Unlearningracist and sexist languagehabits is part of thestruggleagainst racism and sexism.I have learned new habits ofinclusion and exclusion in reference.I think about nounsandpronoutisand their referenceswith greaterprecisionthan hefbre,and I raise political questionsabout languagein ways that haveincreasedmy insight into miseducationthrough language.Forexannple,whenI read“American teenagersthink that,” or “teach-ersbelievethat,” or “the averageAmerican is,” I haveto stop andsearchfor the specificsof the rekrenee.Does the averageAnueri-can teenagerlive in Harlem or Hanover?Does the wackierunrkin a privateschoolor a public school, in a rural, urban,or subur-ban school?Who has beenhonored to he the averageAmericanof the week?Claims like these,so commonin the mediaand inschool textbooks,dismiss complex issueswith glib generaliza—uons. Sloppy habitsof referencelead tiot only to loose thinkinghut to the continuedavoidanceof dealingwith social, racial, andgenderissues that must be solved in order for this society toapproximateits claims to democracy.

I had to unlearnto tise the pronoun‘‘he” to refer to all peo-ple. I can, however,imagineactively not-learmtigit just asAkmirnot-learnedracist language.Not-leartuingit would have consistedof’ beingawareof the problemfrom die start,knowing as a childthat adult hahiis of speechwere biasedandchoosingto opposethesehabits. I might have, for example, insistedon pointing outto my teacherthat the title of our lnstory book,Man and HisJThrbI, was not merely imprecisebut insulting. I cot.ild havethengone on to underlineall of the incorrect refCreneesto the maleandmadea point of correctingthe historicalrecord. If’! took themattera step furtherand insistedthat the issties I raised be cen-tral to ourdiscussionof historyandcalled for a voteto changethenameof the subject to herstory-and—history,or to theirstory; it’slikely that the teacherwould try to shutme up, the counselor

would call me a learninganddisciplineproblem,amid the princi-pal would threatento expel, transfer,or refdr me, all of whichhappenedto Akmir becauseof his projectof’not-learningracism.

Not-learningandunlearmungareboth central techniquesthatsupportchangesof consciousnessand help peopledevelopposi-tive ways of thinking and speakingin oppositionto dominantforms of oppression.Not-learningin particular requiresa strongwill andan ability to take the kimids of pressureexertedby peoplewhose poweryou chooseto question.Akniir and I often talkedabout the quality of his school experiences.He refused to dropout. He decidedthat he would sit right in the WildernessofNorth America andopenlynot-learnwhat was offered to hinnrather than simplydrop out amidjoin a total community of othernonlearners.That meanthavinga responseto every mention andreferenceto race, readingand monitoring one’s readingfor eventhe slightestimplications of racism, speakingvery carefully andprecisely; revisingeverythingsaid in order to eliminatethe whiteversionof reality

I otice askedAknur if he everthought beyond his not-learn-ing amid the time it took up. I-Ic saidthathe did, thatlie wantedtouse that not-learmtitigto clear a spacefor himself to learnwithoutfeelingoppressedby words.I-Ic alsowantedto write, to tell storiesin alanguagethatwas positive amid unselfconscious,that spokeofthe life of black peoplewithout the need to qualify life by refCr-ence to white oppressioni.He said he wanited to write in a sepa-rated,separatistlanguage,a postrevolutionarylanguage.Flisdreamwas oneof writing beyondracewhile affirming the qtialityofhis experienceandthe historyofhispeople.

His resistanceto racism was the resultof his vision of a worldbeyond racism, which lie was afraid he would neversee.It wasthis dream that propelledhis not-leartntig. It was probably myrespectfor that dreamamid my appreciationfor what I learnedthroughthe creativeeflbrts of his not-learningthat niade it possi-ble for us to becomeas close as we did. It was 1967, and we

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I WON’T LEARN FROM YOU“I WON’T LEARN FROM YOU”

talked about the meaninigof the Vietnam War,which lie decidedto resist. We also talked abouthow he could approachcollegethrough his strengthsratherthati through resistance.He wantedto learn, to becomea writer and social activist, and he neededteacherswho would teachbeyond personaland institutionalracism. Betty was one personwho inspired him, and therewereotherswho taught in the writing program establishedunder theopen-enrollmentpolicy at City College.Akinir decidedto moveout of Harlem fur a while. He felt his not—learninghadto movehim beyondthe ghetto. Not-learning madehim a disciplineproblenn mi school, htit irotiically it helped himn to stay’ confidentas alearner. It preventedhim from thinkingof himselfasa Iii.ilureor resigninghimself to anything less than a fully developedlifeandl self.

In late May of thatyear thingsbeganopeningup for Akmir.I-Ic hadgottenimito the open-enrollmetitprogram at City College,found ajobatTeachersCollege,andmovedimito an apartnnentonthe Lower EastSide. Hebeganaseriesof storiesaboutrebirth inwhatlie called his “new language”andwas platining a small vo]-ume of poetry In June, however,lie got his draft notice, on thesame day he received a letter from City Collegeinifornning himthat. lie neededto showhis high schooldiploma befhrehe couldhe formally admitted.We visited his high schoolcounselor,andIwrote up a coursedescriptionamid certificateof completioni for thepsychologycoursehe had takenwith Betty and me. The coursewas to serve a.s his citizenshipclass,his atonementfor his not-learningin high school. The counselor,to our astonishment.refusedto acceptthe class and told us that he wasn’t sureAkmirwas repemitantenough.He infbrnnied us that he would releasethediploma at his own pleasure.I pleadedand did everything Icould to convince hini to changehis inimid, including trying touse the prestigeof’ TeachersCollege,where I was a researchasso-ciate.Therewas no appeal,though, arid we both left the schoolreadyto blow the placeup.

As it turned out, Akmir didn’t really needthe diploma. CityCollegehadsenthim the wrong letter. But hewas devastatedbythat rejection, fearful of going tojail fur beinga war resister,andfeeling, I believe, that the placehe hadspenthis life clearingwasviolated or inaccessible.I neversaw hint alive again.That night,so far as I’ve beenable to reconstruct,Akmir returnedto his oldneighborhood,ran into sonic friends,andendedup beingaban-donedin theemergencyroomof a nearhyhospitalwherehe diedof an overdoseof’ heroin—one more victim of’ what lie spenthislife not-learning.

Strugglingto maintainintegrity andhope may not always hethe key to survival underconditionsof oppression.Imitating youroppressorsandtrying to integrateyourselfinto their societymightwork better.Sometimessurvival dictatesswallowing otie’s prideand giving up self-respect.When there is no large-scalemove-ment for liberation,Akmir’s alternatives,resistanceandrehelliomi,are lonely anddangerouschoices.Some of Akmir’s frietidsbecamethe violent, angry, and dangerouspeople white societyimaginedthem to be. They succcededon the streetsfor awhile,but they alsoset themselvesup for eventualself_destruction.Oth-ersdid what their teachersandbossestold them to do and man-agedto integratetheniselvesinto certain cornersof the whiteworld. Akmnir was amongthosebravepeoplewho refusedto aban-don self-respector allow himself to be consumedby hatredamidself-hatred.Not-learningto think white was a strengththat gothim in trouble with his teachers,with sonae of the peopleheworked for, amid with sonic of his own friendswho, as much asthey admired his integrityand resistance,felt he was too righ-teous, too uncompromising.He died poitmdesslyand in despair,but so far asI’m concerned,his life was honorahleamid his deatha tragic loss.

Over the years,i’ve come to believethat manyof the youngpeo-ple who fail in our schoolsdo so fur the samereasonsAkmir did

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“I WON’T LEARN FROM YOU” I WON’T LEARN FROM YOU

anduse manyof thesamnestrategieshe adopted.I remembervisit-ing someteacherfriends in SanAntonio, Texas,about lifteenyearsago. I was there to help them eliminateanti-Latino racismmiin the public schoolsin the barrias—Latinoghettos.There werevery few Latino teachersand rio Latino administratorsin barrioschools in the parts of San Antomno where my friends worked.Many of the administratorswere Anglo, retired military personnelfrom the nearbyRandolphAir ForceBasewho hadhostile, impe-rialist attitudestoward thechildren they taughtamid thecommumti-ties they served.I was askedby a communitygroup, as an out-siderandasan Anglo myself~to visit a numberof classroomsaridparticipatein someworkshopsdiscussingthe specific ways inwhich racism functionedin their schools. in onejunior high Iwas invited to observea history class by a teacherwho admittedthat he neededhelp with this particulargroupof students,all ofwhom were Latino. The teachergave me a copy of Ins textbook,andI sat in theback of the room and fullowed the lessonfor theday; which was entitled “The First. Peopleto Settle Texas.” Theteacherasked for someoneto volunteer to readand no oneresponded.Most of the studentswere slumpeddown in theirdesks and none of theni looked directly at the teacher.Somegazedof!’ into space,othersexchangedglinipses and grimaces.Theteacherdidn’t askfor attentionbut insteadstartedto readthetext himself It went somethimiglike, “The first peopleto settleTexasarrived from NewEnglandandthe South in . . .“ Twoboysin the backput their handsin their eyes, therewere a few gigglesand some murmuring. One handshot up and that studentblurtedout. “What arewe, aninralsor something?”The teacher’sresponsewas, “What does that have to do with the text?” Thenhe decided to abandonthe lesson, introduced me as a visitingteacherwho would substitutefur the restof the period, amid leftthe room. I don’t know if’ he plannedto do thatall alongandsetme up to fhil with the studentsjust as he did, or if his angeratbeingobservedovercamehim arid he decidedto dump thewhole

thingon me.Whateverthe motivation, lie left the room,arid I wastherewith the students.I wentup front, rereadthesentencefromthe book,andaskedtheclass to raise their handsif they believedwhat I hadjust read,A few of theni becamealert, though theylookedatme suspiciouslyas I continued,“This is lies, nonsense.In fact, I think the textbookis racistarid an insult to everyoneinthis room.” The classwoke up, and the samestudentwho hadaddressedthe teacherearlier turnedto me andasked,“You meanthat?” I said I did, and then he interruptedand said, “Well,there’smorethanthatbook that’s racistaroundhere.”

A few of the otherstudentsnodded,and then the class wentsilent. It was up to me to continuewith what I’d openedup orclosethe conversationdown andprotect the teacher.I decidedtocontinueon,sayingI didn’t know their teacherhut that I hadrtininto more than one racistwho was teachingand ought to hethrown out by the studentsandtheir parents.I addedthat it wasobvious that the textbookwas racist—theracism was thereforeveryoneto read—butthat I wonderedhow they detectedracismin their teachers.The class launchedinto a seriousandsophisti-cateddiscussionof the ways racism manifesteditself in theireverydaylives at school.And they describedthe stancethey tookin order to resist that racismarid yet not be thrmm out of school.It amountedto nothinglessthan full-blown, cooperativenot-learning.They acceptedthe failing gradesnot-learningproducedin exchangrfor the passivedefenseof their personalandculturalintegrity This was a classof school failures, and perhaps,Ibelievedthenandstill believe,the repositoryfor the positive leader-shiparid intelligenceof their generation.

Willed not-learningconsistsof a consciousand chosenrefusal toassentto learn. It marufestsitself mostoften in withdrawal ordefianceandis not just a school-relatedphenomenon.I recentlydiscovereda versionof a traditional religious andpeacesongthatgoes,“I ain’t gonnalearnwar no more.” Learningto makewar is

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“1 WON’T LEARN FROM YOU”I WON’T LEARN FROM YOU

the oppositeof learning to make peace.Many peoplewho neverlearned to makewar are told they niust learn to make war whentheir nation decidesto fight. During those timnes, pacifists andother peoplewho choosenonviolent ways have to not-learntomake war despitestrongsocial pressuresto do so. Poor peoplehaveto not-learndespairif they are to survive.Christianshavetonot-learn pride arid arrogance.And on the opposite end of themoral spectrum,soldiershave to not-learnto careabout the livesof the “enemy;” and the boss has to riot—learn to care about thesufferingsof fired employees.Throughoutlife, theremay he asmuch occasionfor not-learningas thereis occasionfhr learning.It is uncomfortableto talk about the needto reject certainkindsof learningandreassuringto look at learmungin a positiveway; butwithout studyingnot-learningwecan get only a partial viewof’ thecomplexdecisionsfacing peopleas theychoosevaluesanddecideupon actions. I amjust beginining to understandthe importanceof not-learningin thelives of children,andI urgeotherpeopletotlunk andwrite about roadspeoplechooseto not-travelandhowthosechoicesdefinecharacterandinfluencedestiny

In rethinking my teachingexperiencein the light of not-learning, I italize that manyyoungsterswho ask impertinentquestions,listen to their teachersin order to contradictthem, amiddo not take homeworkor testsseriouslyarepracticednot-learners.The quieternot—learnerssit sullenly in class, daydreamingandshutting out the soundof their teacher’svoice, They sometimesfall ofl’ their chairsor throw things acrossthe room or resort toother strategiesof disruption. Some push things so far that theyget put in specialclassesor get thrown out of’ school. In all ofthesecasesthe youngsters’ minds are never engaged in learningwhat the teacheris trying to teach.On that level rio failure is pos-sihle since therehas beenrio attempt to learn. It is commontoconsidersuchstudentsdumb or psychologicallydtsturhed.Con-scious, willed refusal of schoolingfor political or cultural reasons

is not acknowledgedas an appropriateresponseto oppressiveeducation.Simice studentshaveno way to legitimatelycriticize theschoolingthey aresubjectedto or the people they are requiredtolearn from, resistanceand rebellion is stigmatized.The system’sproblembeconiesthevictim’s problem.However not-learningisa healthy; though frequently dysfunctional~responseto racism,sexism,andother fornnsof’ bias. In timesof social movementsforjustice such refusal is often turned to more positive mass protestarid demonstrationandto the developmentof alternativelearningsituations~For example,during the ig6os in New York, studentswho maintainedtheir integrity andconsciouslyreftisedthe racistteachingsof their segregatedschools becameleaders in schoolboycottsandteachersof readingamid African_Americanhistory miFreedomschools.

I’ve known such studentleadersandhavehadthe pleasureofworkingwith someof them.jamilaL., the student-bodypresidentof an alternativehigh school I worked at during the late r96os,told me that in the regular schoolshehad spent four years in aspecial~educatiortclassdrinking orangejuice, eatinggrahamcrackers,andpretendingshecouldn’t read.The whole actwas tokeepfrom hitting severalof her teacherswho sheknewwereracist.In fact, shewas anavid readerof romancesarid of blackhistorySheusedspecialeducation to keep herselfin schoolbecausehergrandmotherwanited her to graduatefrom high school.At ourschool shewas a representativeto the schoolboard, helpeddevelopprojectsandwrite proposals~andled studentsin a strug-gle againstracistofficers in thejuvenilebureauof the local policedepartment.

Jamilawas not exceptional.Therearemany leadersandcre-atorshiddenaway in the specialclassesof our schools,runningwild in the halls, andhangingout in the bathrooms.In 1967 thepoetJuneJordanaskedme to introduceher to someseniorsfromBenjaminFranklin High School,which, atthat time,wasthe only

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“m WON’T LEARN FROM YOU”WONT LEARN FROM YOU

highschool in Harlem. Shewas writing an article on what thesestudentsplannedto do with their futures.* Two of the studentswere at thebottom of their class andtwo had donewell in school.Jordandescribedthefirst two this way:

PaulLucianoandVictor HernandezCruzate friends, Neitherof them

thinks of graduation,nextJanuar~as anythingexcepta time of’ “get-

ring out” of the school,fter se. Paul regardstheexpected“little pieceof

paper” (the diploma) as proofthat you have been “whiter-lied” fhr

four years.

In the courseof their conversationPaul says:

Thelschool’sl programis avery cootiisisig system.There’snobodyto

explainit to you.They just, you knon~like patyou on thehack, People

tell me if you don’t go alongwith the program, you’ll messup your

whole life,

I say then, well, to hell with my life, ‘~buhaveto rake some kind

ofstand,Everythingyou learn is lies,

It’s their education. Not mine.

U’s their history. Not tRifle,It’s their language;

You nameii. h’s theirs.

.4 white teacher,hehas riot lived theuk. He cannotrelateai-iy of the

things to isle. SoI’m bored.

And Victor goeson ahit later:

GeorgeWashingtonhadslaves,man.~ou knowone dine he traded a

blackman for apig? ... We told the librarian we wanteda pictureof

Malcoltti X. We saidwe would supplyour ows~picturearid everything.

~usshesaid, “No.” We wantedhis pictureup therewith George

WashingtonandThomasJefferson. . . the librarian said he preached

hate. .. . We askedthelibrarian to getdieAulobiogi’aPkYofMalcolm X.

She said, “Somebooks you have to wait threeyears.” It’s still not

there.

I wonderhow many times this situation, so sinifiar to theone portrayedover twenty yearslater mi Spike Lee’s movie Dothe Right Thing, wherethere is a conflict over putting up pie-tures of Malcolm X and Martin Luther King next to thoseofItalian.Americanheroesin a neigltborhoodpizza parlor, has tohe reenacted?

Later on in Jordan’sarticle it turns out that bothVictor andPaulwere teachingreadingataneducationprogram sponsoredbythe Citizen’s Council of Columbia University; a group that wasinvolved in the studentstrikeat Columbiathatyear. Both of themwantedto becometeachers,the kind of teachersthey imaginedwould empowerstudents.And Victor, in oneof Ins poemsquotedin the article, expressedthe feeling of nnostof theyoungpeople Ihaveencounteredwho havechosenthe routeof not-learniug

We would not he

like flowersrestingdeadin somehill

not cven genmgcred~ttot ~tScubIt

or theway it smells.

In anotherpoemwritten that year and publishedin his firstvolume of poetry,entitled Papo Gal his Gun,Victor is muchnncre explicit about the significanceof not-learning. In talkingaboutjunior high schoolhewrites:

JHS was boss

notbecauseofwhatyou taughtinc

hut becauseofwhat I learnedwhichwasriot whatyou taughtrnc*

01cc Press,5Victor j4ernanrleaCrur,PapoG~jJj5

Gun (NewYork:1967), p. 6.

Not mine.

Not mmne.

*Puhlishedunderthe nameJuneMeyer, ‘You Can’tSeetheTreesfbr theSchool.” Urban Rem,iew,vol. 2, no. 3 (Decemberm967), pp. 11—15.

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“I WON’T LEARN FROM YOU”

Until welearn to distingtLishnot-learningfrom failure and torespect the truth helnnd this.massiverejectionof schoolingbystudentsfrom poor and oppressedcommunities,we will not beable to solve the major problemsof educationin the UnitedStatestoday. Risk taking is at the heartof teachingwell. Thatmeans that teacherswill haveto not-learnthe ways of loyalty tothe systemand to speakout, as the traditionalAfrican-Americansonggoes,for the conceptthateveryonehas a right to the treeoflife. We mustgive up looking at resistantstudentsas failures andinstead turn a critical eye toward this wealthy societyand theschools thatit supports.

No amountof educationalresearch,no developmentof tech-niquesor materials,no specialprogramsor compensatoryser-vices, no restructuring or retraimung of teacherswill makeanyfun-damentaldifferenceuntil we concedethat fbr manystudentstheonly sanealternativeto not-learningis the acknowledgmentanddirect confrontationof oppression—social,sexual,andceo-nomic—bothin schoolandin society.Educationbuilt on accept-ing that hard truth about our society can break through not-learning and can lead studentsarid teacherstogether riot to thesolution of problemsbut to direct intelligent engagementin thestrugglesthatmight lead to solutions.

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