in-class response to quotation – not yet within web viewalso if all your doing is focussing on...

Grade 11 Writing

Contents

Description of typical tasks (not included in this draft)

Impromptu writing (in-class; first draft)

Quick scale (page 2)

Rating Scale (pages 3-4)

Sample Tasks with exemplars (page 5)

Response to a quotation (pp 5-11) Literary response (The Other Side of the Bridge) (pp. 12-20)

Prepared and edited writing (e.g., writer’s workshop)

Quick scale (page 21)

Rating Scale (pages 22-23)

Sample Tasks with exemplars (page 24-35)

DRAFT. Interim scale developed for BC Ministry of Education based on 2007 curriculum. Will be updated or replaced as new curricula are developed.

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Draft: Formative Performance Scale Quick Scale: Grade 11 Impromptu (first draft) writing

This scale is designed for use with first draft writing where students complete the work in a single session, without opportunities to consult with others (except very briefly), receive and use feedback, or prepare a second or third draft. This scale addresses similar qualities to those described in the provincial exam marking scales, but is designed to provide more detailed feedback and formative assessment.

Not yet within expectations

Meets minimal expectations

Fully meets expectations Exceeds expectations

Snapshot Unfocused; insufficient material; no clear understanding of topic. Often confusing. Language is simplistic and immature; little variety; frequent errors.

Basic ideas about the topic, with some relevant support; parts may be confusing or repetitive. Appropriate language; limited variety. Noticeable errors.

Thoughtful; develops logical ideas with specific appropriate details and examples. Some variety in sentence structure and language. Some errors.

Insightful; some depth of understanding; well-balanced development, with well-chosen details. Engaging. . Some sophistication in language. Few errors.

Meaning (ideas)-Thesis; purpose-Depth; complexity (understanding/insight into the topic or event)-Development- Support (use of details, examples) -Engagement; creative thinking

Unfocused; purpose is unclear

Does not offer clear, logical ideas

Insufficient relevant material

Vague; very few relevant details and examples

Often confusing and hard to follow

Appropriate thesis or purpose; may simply re-state the prompt

Some logical ideas; basic understanding

Some development; often repetitive. May not fully address the prompt or task.

Some relevant details/examples

Predictable

Clear and logical thesis or purpose

Clear understanding of topic or event

Logically developed; may have occasional gaps in reasoning

Incorporates specific, appropriate details and examples

Thoughtful

Mature and thoughtful thesis or purpose

Some depth of understanding and insight

Well- developed; balanced; no ‘gaps’;

Concrete, well-chosen details and examples

Engaging

Style-Voice and tone-Variety and flow of sentences-Diction (variety; ‘strength’ and energy of language)

Inappropriate voice and tone

Repetitive; no sense of control or deliberation in sentences

Limited vocabulary; repetitive; errors

Conversational voice and tone

Basic sentence structures; some awkward phrasing

Vocabulary appropriate; little specificity and variety

Appropriate voice and tone; may lapse

Some sentence variety

Varied vocabulary; some specificity

Voice feels honest and real

Shows control of sentence structure

Mature vocabulary some sophistication

Organization and form-Overall structure (for chosen form)-Opening/introduction-Flow; paragraphing; transitions-Ending/conclusion

Lacks organization Generally includes

an introduction Sequence may be

confusing; limited or faulty transitions

No control of paragraphing

Weak ending

Organization is inconsistent; confusing in places

Appropriate introduction

Logical sequence; a few basic transitions

Some control of paragraphing

Weak ending

Overall structure is logical; may be formulaic

Effective introduction Logical sequence;

some appropriate transitions

Appropriate paragraphing

Appropriate ending; (“functional”)

Structure is effective for purpose and form

Strong opening grabs attention

Flows smoothly; effective transitions

Effective paragraphing

Ending has some impact

Conventions-Spelling; sentence construction; usage agreement; verb forms; point-of-view)

Frequent, basic errors distract the reader, and often interfere with meaning.

Several noticeable errors that may be distracting in places.

Some errors but these are not distracting

May include occasional errors but these do not distract the reader.

Draft: Formative Performance Scale Rating Scale: Grade 11 Impromptu (first draft) writing


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This scale is designed for use with first draft writing where students complete the work in a single session, without opportunities to consult with others (except very briefly), receive and use feedback, or prepare a second or third draft. This scale addresses similar qualities to those described in the provincial exam marking scales, but is designed to provide more detailed feedback and formative assessment.

Not yet within expectations Meets minimal expectationsSnapshot Unfocused; insufficient material; does not show clear

understanding of topic. Often confusing and difficult to follow. Language is simplistic and immature with little variety. Frequent errors in basic language.

Offers basic ideas about the topic, with some relevant support; parts may be confusing or repetitive. Appropriate language; limited variety. Noticeable errors are often distracting.


Unfocused; may appear to have no thesis, theme or clear purpose

Does not offer clear, logical ideas about the topic. Insufficient relevant material Vague; very few relevant details and examples

(often repetitive) Often confusing and hard to follow

Attempts to present and address an appropriate thesis, theme or purpose; may simply re-state the prompt

Some logical ideas and basic understanding of the topic or event; may be vague or confused in places

Some development; often repetitive. May not clearly connect ideas to the thesis/topic. Often does not fully address the prompt or task.

Some relevant details/examples Predictable

Style-Voice and tone-Variety and flow of sentences-Diction (variety; ‘strength’ and energy of language)

Inappropriate voice and tone Repetitive; no sense of control or deliberation in

sentence structure (frequent basic sentence errors) Limited vocabulary; repetitive; often misuses words

and expressions

Voice and tone are usually conversational; may be inconsistent

Relies on basic sentence structures; some awkward phrasing

Vocabulary is generally appropriate, but tends to be general, rather than specific; little variety

Organization and form-Overall structure (for chosen form)-Opening/introduction-Flow; paragraphing; transitions-Ending/conclusion

Lacks organization Generally includes an introduction Sequence may be confusing with limited or faulty

use of transitions No control of paragraphing (may be written as one

paragraph) Weak ending

Organization is inconsistent; confusing in places (no sense of deliberate ordering of information)

Includes an introduction; this is often the strongest part of the writing

Sequence is generally logical, but may be ineffective and does not add to impact; there may be gaps in places; tends to rely on a few basic transitions

Some control of paragraphing Includes an ending or conclusion; not effectively

connected to theme or purpose ConventionsSpelling-Sentence construction and punctuation-Usage (e.g., agreement; tense, form of modifiers, shifts in point-of-view)

Frequent, basic errors in spelling and sentences distract the reader, and often interfere with meaning.

Frequent, significant usage errors, including pronoun references and verbs (form and agreement)

Several noticeable errors in spelling and sentences that may be distracting in places.

Noticeable usage errors that may be distracting, often involving pronoun references, verbs, and point-of-view


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Fully meets expectations Exceeds expectationsThoughtful; develops logical ideas about the topic, with specific appropriate details and examples, and some explanation and analysis (where appropriate.). Some variety in sentence structure and language. Some errors.

Insightful; shows some depth of understanding; well-balanced development, with well-chosen details and examples. Engaging. . Clear sense of voice; effective use of language with some sophistication. Few errors.

Focused on a clear and logical thesis or purpose Shows clear understanding of topic or event Logically developed, including some explanation and analysis where

appropriate; may have occasional gaps in reasoning Incorporates specific, appropriate details and examples that are clearly

connected to thesis/purpose Thoughtful

Focused on a mature and thoughtful thesis or purpose that often shows some ‘flair’ or originality

Shows some depth of understanding and insight Well- developed; balanced; no ‘gaps’; where appropriate,

incorporates explanation, analysis, and reflection Concrete, well-chosen details and examples that connect to the

thesis/purpose (may be subtle in places) Engaging; writer appears aware of audience

Appropriate voice and tone; may lapse Sentences generally flow smoothly with some variety Vocabulary is varied and appropriate and often specific in places

Voice feels honest and real Shows control of sentence structure; varies length and pattern

effectively Mature vocabulary with some sophisticated use of language

Overall structure is logical; may be formulaic Effective, and often engaging, introduction Logical sequence with appropriate transitions and paragraphing Appropriate ending connects to thesis or purpose; “functional”

Structure is effective for purpose and form; may be innovative in places.

Strong opening grabs attention Flows smoothly; uses transitions and paragraphing effectively;

may deliberately create anticipation or suspense Ending is effective; has some impact

Some errors in spelling and sentences but these are not distracting Some usage errors and shifts in point-of-view

May include some errors in sentence structure or spelling; these do not distract the reader.

May include some usage errors, and shifts in point-of-view; these generally occur only in complex language and longer sentences


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Grade 11 Sample Impromptu writing

1. Sample Writing Task: In-class promptContext

Students in this class wrote regularly in response to a variety of prompts. They explored various ways of shaping and developing a topic, including narrative and argumentative essays. The teacher frequently provided mini-lessons on specific aspects of writing, practice activities, and involved students in developing criteria they used for self- and peer-assessment. At regular intervals, students submitted their writing for teacher feedback.

Process

The teacher presented a choice of quotations, and students responded in an in-class essay. They were free to develop their ideas through a narrative, or as an argument. The teacher briefly reviewed criteria including:

o A clear thesis, theme or purposeo An engaging openingo Development of an effective argument or narrative, including specific details and exampleso A strong conclusion and “clincher”o Effective use of language

They completed their work within a 70-minute class period, including editing and revising; they did not receive teacher or peer feedback on their drafts.

Students submitted their drafts to the teacher for feedback and assessment.


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In-class response to quotation – Not Yet Within ExpectationsTeacher’s Observations

NYM MM FM ExOVERALLSnapshotMeaning

Style

Organizationand formConventions

Predictable ideas Repetitive; no sense of control or deliberation in sentence structure (frequent basic sentence errors) Limited vocabulary; often misuses words and expressions Lacks organization Frequent, basic errors in spelling and sentences distract the reader, and often interfere with meaning. Frequent, significant usage errors, including pronoun references and verbs (form and agreement)

Transcribed verbatim from the original handwritten draft

Dear mum:

As I am your daughter, I actually always respect you. Even though we often argue with something and we always get mad because of each other. This morning, you are still angry at me because of my brother, but I can still forgive and talk to you because I respect you. And you are my mum.

You are quite difficult to bring my brother and I to live in Canada without dad's staying around you here. You need to take care of both children in this new country. You must get up early and make breakfast, lunch for us in the morning, also take brother to his unfamiliar school. You feel inconvenient here because of can not speak English. You miss dad and life in China. I know you are suffer from pressure and too tired in your psychology. I respect and love you not only you are so great here but also bear hardships and hard work in China, you are such a rewarding mum. You always stay around dad and stand for him all the time while dad also always suffer from pressure for earning money. You are such a nice wife and good mum. I alway think you are too strict on me, but I know you are always good for me.

I am a child with sometimes have a hot temper, and I like shopping, sometimes you are also willing to buy me the things even they are expensive. Thanks mum and I love you so much, I will work harder. You are my most respect person in the world.

Signed by student


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In-class response to quotation – Meets Expectations (Minimal Level)Teacher’s Observations


Style


Focused on a clear and logical thesis or purpose Shows clear understanding of topic or event Logically developed, including some explanation and analysis where appropriate; somewhat repetitive with occasional gaps in reasoning Voice and tone are usually conversational; may be inconsistent Relies on basic sentence structures; some awkward phrasing Vocabulary is generally appropriate, but tends to be general, rather than specific; little variety Organization is inconsistent; confusing in places (no sense of deliberate ordering of information) No paragraphing Some errors in spelling, sentences, and usage but these are not distracting

Transcribed verbatim from the original handwritten drafts

Topic: there is no such thing as failure.

The phrase there is no such thing as failure can seem a bit ridiculous because I'm sure almost everyone has experienced it more than once. For example if we you get less than 50% on a test its a fail or if you play a video game and dont end up passing the next level it’s also considered a fail. But instead of looking at this phrase and finding many different scenarios of failure try to be optomistic about it and view it in a positive point of view. Imagine for the rest of your life you lived by this phrase and told your self there’s no such thing as failure. If this were true and you got that through your head you would probably just get used to a life where failure was no threat. To actually believe in this would be so healthy for the mind and you would get in the habit of working hard to get what you want and failure would be no obsticle to avoid. Could you picture how good it would feel to never have to worry about failure again. Your life would be nearly stress free and you would gain a more positive attitude towards future goals. I'm sure you've heard the expression "practise makes perfect". Consider you get into a routine of acheiving and success you should only be getting better and learning from your mistakes or past expeirence. In my opinion failure is a factor of lazyness. Which being said if your lazy you find excusses and your not putting forth your full potential which therefore could lead to failure. Also if all your doing is focussing on not failing your really just putting the word failure into your mind and it may register the wrong way that you put it in there. Instead of saying "I'm not going to fail" repetevly to your self try saying "Im going to do great!" that way failure is just non existant in your mind therefore its no factor to get in your way. Overall its best to live an optomistic life because if you view the phrase "there is no such thing as failure" in a positive way failure just doesn't need to exist in your mind.


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In-class response to quotation – Fully Meets ExpectationsTeacher’s Observations


Style


Fully meets expectations

Focused on a clear purpose Logically developed, with specific, appropriate details and examples Sentences generally flow smoothly with some variety; incorporates dialogue effectively Vocabulary is appropriate with some variety Engaging opening; logical sequence with paragraphing Few errors


“You ready?”, Ryan quietly asked me.

“Think so.” I replied nervously. Ryan had already gotten his licence. He along with about twenty other eleventh graders have been given this great gift. Freedom. With your licence you can go where you want to go, when you want to go and whom you would like to go with.

“It’s not too hard. Just remember: two hands on the wheel”, Ryan pointed out. As I slowly nodded I thought of everything I knew about driving. I am a “book learner” as some call it so that small orange book had become a fifth limb to me. Both my older brothers had passed first try so although it remained unsaid, I was expected to pass. Why did I care so much? Why does it matter? I guess I just wanted to prove myself to all the people around me; especially my brothers.

“You ready?” my mom asked. She even seemed to look a bit nervous as she picked me up from school. I guess this was normal seeing as I am the last child she gets to do this with.

“Yeah, I think so. I just don’t want to fail” I gloomily answered.

“Failure is a state of mind” she quickly replied. She always says that. I usually ask her what it means but at this moment there were “bigger fish to fry”.

After filling out the sea of paperwork throw at us at the DMV it was finally showtime. My mom had to go but I had arranged a ride home with Ryan.


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“You ready?” the tired looking driving instructor asked. Why is everyone asking that today? Is it really that bad?

“Think so” I replied with a large swallow between words. It was my time to shine.

* * *

As I walked back into the DMV Ryan did not need words to see the result of the test. Embarassment was painted all over my face. I had turned right on a red light without coming to a complete stop. How could I be so stupid? These questions were floating through my head as we walked to Ryan’s car.

“It’s alright man, you’ll get it next time” Ryan assured. I appreciated the gesture but was too upset to socialize. I could not believe this was hap...

“STOP!” I screamed and Ryans car came to a screeching halt. He had forgotten to stop when turning right during a red light and narrowly escaped being hit by a speeding pick-up. So thats what mom means...


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In-class response to quotation – Exceeds Expectations Teacher’s Observations


Style


Shows some ‘flair’ or originality Well- developed; balanced; no ‘gaps’ Concrete, well-chosen details and examples Engaging; writer appears aware of audience Shows control of sentence structure; incorporates dialogue effectively Mature vocabulary with some sophisticated use of language; vivid imagery Flows smoothly; uses transitions and paragraphing effectively; may deliberately create anticipation or suspense Ending is effective; has some impact Very few errors


Seek First To Understand

The train engine fluttered and smoked as the grand vehicle left Ronald Station. Young and naive, the timid William was enchanted by the loud, yet soothing sounds of the magnificent machine. Abruptly interrupted by the sound of a familiar voice, William’s thoughts travelled back to the war that was on everyone’s lips.

“Filthy rotten Jews don’t know their place!”, the man sitting opposite William’s father spat out. Quick to agree, he shook his head violently and banged on the mahogony arm handle near him.

“They’ll wish they had never been born”, William’s father forced out of his clenched teeth. His son was shoved away slightly by his furious words, feeling frightened and unsure.

Having seen commercials about them on their black and white television, and heard endless amounts of curses coming from his father towards them, William had wondered who these Jews were, and why they were so monsterous. All the youthful male knew was that he despised them, wanting them clear off the face of his earth. He had heard stories from his three older brothers about their insanely large noses and money grubbing hands. The stories frightened him, and he began to feel an extreme hate for these so called Jews.

Producing a great whistling sound, the engine and William with it, came to a stop at North Lumberg Station and exited, beginning their long ride home, William took the patent leather seat next to the left window in the classy car as he enjoyed looking at the different people. This time, his ride was different. The rhobust father rolled down his son’s window and yelled out profanities of all styles, some William had never heard of before, not


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even on the late night show at eleven his father had not known he viewed. Not it was William’s turn to raise his soft voice and say anything he wanted.

Inhaling deeply with his mouth wide open, William’s father placed his long, rough fingers on his sons mouth and warned him sternly; “Only yell at those people”, pointing at a group of shoppers wearing stars on their clothing. Hands that once held a gun now held a small boy. “Those are the bad people, the ones with the stars on”, the fury-filled man spoke loudly, articulating each letter carelessly. Confused yet excited to swear, William obeyed his father uncautiously. A gold star seemed to be a reward at St. Paul’s Catholic school, yet here, he was bullying them for it.

“These are the filthy Jews”, uttered his father in a disgusted tone, making sure to deform his face as he said “Jews”.

Finally believing he understood, William began to use every word he could think of that one of the boys has gotten in trouble for speaking at St. Paul’s. His hazel brown eyes caught the luminicity of the yellow on the stars. It was as though the bright colour was a trigger to his mouth, setting off a sea of horrid words.

Caught with his jaw wide open, and his chest expanded, William’s voice was stolen away by a little boy who bore the yellow star. Meek and abandoned, the boy sat on a faded brown crate, seeming as though he was waiting for something. His burnt brown curls fell over his face in the wind and covered his left eye. With a hand in one pocket, the boy pushed his hair back with his small fingers. William could not find the boy’s monstrous nose, and his hands appeared to be just like his own hands with dirty fingernails and a beige bandage. He could no longer comprehend why he would yell such profanities at a regular boy just like himself. It must be a mistake, William assured himself.

“Papa, that boy is not a monster but he has a star on, they made a mistake!” shrieked William, unsure of whom “they” are.

Shocked and bewildered, William’s father reassured him it was no mistake and that the boy was of the Jewish religion. A religion, thought the innocent boy, they must not be monsters just because of their belief. Beginning to fear his own fate, William asked his father whether he was a monster because he was Catholic. With a sharp and serious voice, the man explained to his son that only Jews are the monsters and must be gotten rid of. His father’s words cut through the thick, muggy air like a dagger. The stinging words swept all feelings of detest out of the young boy.

Understanding why the people hated Jews, yet completely disagreeing, William placed his head back into the car, ending his stringy hair’s play in the wind. Finally comprehending his surroundings, the timid boy yearned to go back in time and rub out his hated feeling towards the Jews. For years he had been brainwashed into believing that “Jews” were another species, one that was threatening human existence. Now understanding the situation, William felt no hate and did not want to carry out any hateful acts towards a boy just like himself.


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Grade 11 Sample Writing Task: In-class Literary Response (The Other Side of the Bridge)Context

Students in an English 12 class had read the novel, The Other Side of the Bridge, and participated in a variety of individual and group activities, including the construction of timeline of events. They had 70 minutes to write an in-class essay, using only the novel, the timeline they constructed, and an outline they prepared in advance. This assignment was completed at approximately the mid-point of a semestered course, after students had extensive instruction and practice.

Process

Students were given a choice of two topics related to conflict in the novel, The Other Side of the Bridge, and given the opportunity to prepare an outline before their in-class writing. During the writing session, they were allowed to use only the novel, an outline, and their time-line that summarized the events. They were not allowed to access any other on-line sources, their notes, or anyone else’s work. They were able to use computers to write their essays, and were given 70 minutes to construct their essays. The teacher discussed criteria for success, and emphasized that their essays should include:

o An introductory paragraph that included a lead, novel title, author’s name and a clear, controlling thesis

o Support paragraphs that develop an effective argumento A strong conclusion and “clincher”o Effective use of at least three stylistic devices and elements

Topics:

Using your time-line discuss the nature of conflict experiences for one or more characters in this novel. Were the conflicts ever resolved?

OR

Referring to the Nature vs. Nurture conflict, explain how each had a hand in contributing to the conflicts between Arthur and Jake.


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In-class literary Response – Not Yet Within ExpectationsTeacher’s Observations


Style `


Unfocused; may appear to have no thesis, theme or clear purpose Does not offer clear, logical ideas about the topic. Confusing and hard to follow Repetitive; no sense of control or deliberation in sentence structure (frequent basic sentence errors) Vocabulary is generally appropriate, but tends to be general, rather than specific; little variety Lacks organization

Transcribed verbatim from the original typescript

Topic:

Using your time-line discuss the nature of conflict experiences for one or more characters in this novel. Were the conflicts ever resolved?

Normally, a conflict often results in one side winning and the other losing. But as the story progresses, that role no longer seems to be in play. Conflicts are what most people experience almost every day in their lives. Some of us know conflicts can be totally resolved, but on the other hand, some of us believe conflicts cannot be resolved; it will stay the same throughout the course of their life. After reading "The Other Side of the Bridge" by Mary Lawson, it seems like most conflicts within the story were never resolved in a satisfied point of view. The characters in the stories often face hardships almost every month. However, the events they faced were never quite resolved or completed. It was almost like writing to a soldier who's in war and every day you expect some sort of feedback from that fellow but in the end you never got any.

War is the most devastating conflict man will ever face in the history of mankind. To be more specific regarding this story, WWII was happening during the course of events in Struan. The Axis unleashed their forces of evil (P.130). Arthur's friends enlisted with the army not knowing what they had in store for them. In August 1942, terror was let out. Eric, Gunter, and Carl Luntze were killed in action while fighting against the Axis Power. The Luntze family was devastated by the fact they had lost their sons in war (P.178-180). As you can see, the Luntze family never recovered from the shock they received when they heard their boys were killed. As a result, the conflict within them never resolved because they could not believed the fact that they were gone. Once a person is dead, that's that. Meanwhile in May 1945, Arthur, who was not involved in WWII, visited his friend Ted Hatchett. Ted Hatchett recently got back from Europe and had lost an arm and an eye. Ted asked his friend Arthur to help him commit suicide because he couldn't live like this. Arthur on the other hand, was too DRAFT. Interim scale developed for BC Ministry of Education based on 2007 curriculum. Will be updated or replaced as new curricula are developed.

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shocked to hear Ted said "My dad's service revolver is in the top drawer. Check it's loaded and put it in the bottom drawer?" (P.312.) Ted was in pain and was in conflict with himself. Arthur was also in conflict with himself; should he do it or not? In the end, Ted did kill himself. Arthur is haunted by the words his friend said.

Children and teens often will have problems with their parents and siblings. This one goes all the way back to 1939. Arthur was in pure shock when Jake fell off the bridge (P.90). Arthur knew it was his own fault for letting Jake injured himself while crossing the bridge. When Arthur carried Jake home and reported to his parents, Arthur was trying to replace the images about what had happened into what should have happened (P.93). In addition, Arthur had lied to his parents about what happened. Arthur's conflict in this situation was never resolved. He often feared his brother would come back from the hospital and tell his mother the truth. No matter how fast Arthur tries to dig his way out, there will not be any resolutions waiting for him out on the surface. Meanwhile fast-forwarding to May 1957, Ian the son of Dr.Christopherson, was shocked to hear his mother was leaving and she wanted to take Ian along. Ian however refused to tag along. Ian has made up in his mind to hate his mother for his entire life, even refusing to see her face in the photo. When Ian's mother was about to leave, he had refused to give her a proper goodbye (P.63-69). Ian never forgave his mother. In another words, his conflict with his mother never resolved.

Arthur and Jake never got along quite well. Jake was always the one trying to get Arthur into trouble. The relationship between these two was meant to be quarantined. Arthur never got back at Jake. Throughout the courses in the story, Arthur was often manipulated by Jake; getting in trouble at school, stealing Laura, and coming on to Laura when they were in their 30s. The conflicts between these two were never resoloved. If it were resolved, they would have been best pals forever or blood brothers. But they were not! Arthur and Jake got into a fight on June 1960. Ian had told Arthur that Jake was hitting on Laura (P. 340-344). This further proves their relationship never got any better, it just because worse.

In conclusion, I would like to state the fact that most conflicts in the story were never resolved. It is very obvious that it hasn't and it won't in the future. Do you really think that the conflicts were resolved? Do you think everyone at the end was holding each other's hands and dancing around like a clusters of Mormons? Do you?


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In-class literary Response – Meets Expectations (Minimal Level)Teacher’s Observations


Style


Predictable; some logical ideas and basic understanding of the topic or event Some development with relevant details/examples; uneven (some ideas developed more extensively than others) Relies on basic sentence structures; some awkward phrasing Vocabulary is generally appropriate, but tends to be general, rather than specific; little variety Includes an introduction; this is often the strongest part of the writing Sequence is generally logical, uses appropriate transitions Some control of paragraphing Includes a weak ending or conclusion that is “functional” Several noticeable errors in spelling and sentences that may be distracting in places. Noticeable usage errors that may be distracting, often involving pronoun references, verbs, and point-of-view

Topic: Referring to the Nature vs. Nurture conflict, explain how each had a hand in contributing to the conflicts between Arthur and Jake.

Nurture Contributed Conflicts

"Children are parent's mirror image" by anonymous person is what most people believe in. Parents have very important role to their children as they have many effects. In the book "The other side of the bridge" by Mary Lawson, it shows how parents impact on their children significantly. Jake and Arthur both got influenced by their parent. Even though they are brothers, they show completely different personality due to their parents. Jake turns out to be a person who manipulates people well, but Arthur is the complete opposite. Nurture contributed conflicts to Jake and Arthur.

First of all, Arthur was affected by his parents. Since Jake's birth he was responsible for his little brother. His mother was too worried and her happiness depended on his safety. Arthur, on the other hand, had to make sure his brother is safe because it will make his mother feel happy. He had a lot of conflicts because of his brother. For example, by not saving his brother on the bridge, he had an extreme guilt inside his mind. He feels guilty because his brother will have a permanent limp since the bridge accident. (p.128)

Not only Arthur got influence, Jake's parents mostly affected Jake's personality and contribute to conflicts. Even before Jake's birth his mother always worried about him. It was her first healthy born after 2 or 3


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miscarriages. "So that when Jake finally arrived, the outcome of all that pain and fear and grief, he would be so precious to his mother that she could hardly bear it" (p.33) His mother protected him from almost everything. For example, "she had scooped Jake up from the top of the stairs" (p.33). With too much protection, Jake turned out to be good at manipulating others. For instance, Jake claims that Charlie Taggert threw his book in the mud. Jake tells Arthur to beat him up. Arthur refuses many times, but finally confronts Charlie. Charlie denies it. Charlie then says that he will tell his father, who is the chairman of the school, that he got threatened by Arthur. (p. 47-50) Jake always wanted to show that he is better than Arthur, but he didn't have to prove that because of his mother. When Henry, Jake's father, and his wife was arguing about Jake working on farm, she states Jake is different from Arthur and he is going to have choices and will have something better than farming. (p.44) Jake finally tired to prove him on the bridge. He finally fell down in to river and had to live as a limp for the rest of his life. (p.90) If he hasn't manipulated Arthur all the time, Arthur would have saved him, but he thought Jake was being a crying wolf so he didn't.

Lastly Laura has also contributed to Jake and Arthur's conflicts. On the last day of the war, Jake and Laura went out to celebrate, they were drunk and had sex. Laura is pregnant with Jake's baby. Jake ran away because he was afraid he made her pregnant. Arthur finally marries with Laura to protect her. (p.319) Arthurs feels pain when he look at Carter because he sees Jake and he knows Laura sees Jake too. (p.321)

In conclusion, nurture has contributed the conflicts in this novel. Jake and Arthur were affected by their parent. Most of the conflicts in the story were because of the people around the character, not the characteristics they have been born with. It was clearly shown that people are mostly affected by outside forces in the novel.


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In-class Literary Response – Fully Meets Expectations Teacher’s Observations


Style


Fully meets expectations

Focused on a clear and logical thesis or purpose Shows clear understanding; logically developed, with explanation and analysis Incorporates specific, appropriate details and examples that are clearly connected to thesis/purpose Sentences generally flow smoothly with some variety; occasional awkward phrasing Vocabulary is varied and appropriate and often specific in places Logical sequence with appropriate transitions and paragraphing Some errors but these are not distracting


The Other Side of the Bridge is a story about relationships within a family and all the problems and troubles they may face, with many twisting and surprising internal and external conflicts between one or more people. Much of the stories plot is built around many if not all of these conflicts. Jealousy and Rivalry play a big role in every conflict, especially between Arthur and Jake.

Before the book even starts you find in the prologue that Arthur and his brother Jake have a very unique relationship. Right off the bat the story tells you that Arthur is easily manipulated by his younger brother Jake. "But in the end as they both known he would, Jake wore Arthur down." (P.2) The knife throwing game, Arthur knows better than to participate in such foolish activities but he stills plays the game his brother insists upon him. They both know that Jake has the control over their relationship when it should be the older brother who does. It is the first sign that there will be a lot of rivalry. This is also the first problem that sets off an entire story of conflicts between these two brothers. Not only do they have physical and mental confrontations, they even have conflicts with love. They both like one girl and she ends up falling in love with Jake and not Arthur but in the end she ends up marrying Arthur. Many of these conflicts were never resolved, the only one that came close to being resolved was when Jake fell off the bridge and Arthur felt like he was fully responsible.

Ian is another character who faces many conflicts in the story and actually manages to deal with them quite well and overcomes the majority of them. For example when he has his secret feeling over Laura, he knows he shouldn't but he can't help himself, but he still gets out and tries to see other girls and eventually just forgets about him, he realizes it can never go anywhere. Also when his mother leaves him and his father, he is very angry about it but he doesn't let it interfere with his life such as school. "Afterwards he was impressed by his response-how calm it sounded." (P.66) This shows that he will be able to deal with it. He did not break down and try to make her change her mind he accepted it and took it the way he wanted to. He knows what he has to


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do and does not let the resentment and anger towards his mother affect and of it especially the relationship with his father. He does not blame him at all and still maintains a good relationship with him, if anything it becomes a better relationship.

All in all most of the conflicts were never resolved and everything just sort of happened, Ian was able to deal with his problems and conflicts and move on whilst, Arthur and Jake always had that Rivalry between the two of them. Arthur was a totally different person than Jake was, Arthur was slow, silent, dull and did what he was told while Jake was upbeat and always getting praised and just seem to have the perfect life. Everything that Arthur wanted.


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In-class Literary Response – Exceeds Expectations Teacher’s Observations


Style


Focused on a mature and thoughtful thesis or purpose Shows some depth of understanding and insight Well- developed; balanced; no ‘gaps’; explanation, analysis, and reflection Concrete, well-chosen details and examples Shows control of sentence structure; varies length and pattern effectively Mature vocabulary with some sophisticated use of language; effective imagery Strong opening grabs attention Flows smoothly; uses transitions and paragraphing effectively Ending is effective; has some impact Some errors; these do not distract the reader.


Topic: Using your time-line discuss the nature of conflict experienced for one or more characters in this novel. Were the conflicts ever resolved?

Brothers are partners and rivals. Brothers are allies and enemies. Brothers are blood. Sibling rivalries have existed since the beginning of time. However, many brother relationships, while they can involve pain, anger, and aggression, also usually have a great deal of love and understanding. In "The Other Side of the Bridge", written by Mary Lawson, the protagonist, Arthur, has a brother, Jake, who creates conflict in his life, while giving very little in terms of love. It is Jake's fault that Arthur's life is full of hardship and misery, and it is not until Arthur is able to show Jake that actions have consequences that Arthur gets Jake out of his life for good.

Ever since Jake was born, Arthur has worried about his younger brother, Jake. Jake was weak and was always the centre of attention for his mother. Because Jake is so precious, Arthur's mother constantly reminded Arthur that he needs to protect Jake. When Arthur is taking Jake to school, he thinks to himself, "there were no hazards to pass on the way to school that he was aware of" (37). This shows the annoyance in Arthur's mind because he needs to look after his brother and it also shows the love that his mother has for Jake. Arthur's protection always ensures that Jake does not have to face negative consequences. When Jake impaled Arthur's foot with a knife, Arthur lied to make sure Jake does not get severely punished. However, after a few years pass by, Jake starts some trouble that leads to problems for the whole family. Jake convinces Arthur to fight with a schoolmate named Charlie Taggert, and this causes Arthur's mother to suffer shame and humiliation that went "to the soles of her shoes" (51). Even though Arthur is always trying to protect Jake, he is still always looking for ways to make Arthur suffer.

Arthur's patience with Jake begins to run out when they are both teenagers and are asked by their father to take


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cattle across a bridge. Arthur tells Jake to help him calm the cows down because they are too frightened to cross by themselves. Jake suddenly realizes that this is the perfect chance to prank Arthur again. When Jake finds himself in trouble because he is slipping from the bottom of the bridge, Arthur does not "bother replying" (88). He is tired of always falling for Jake's pranks and he thinks Jake is like "the boy who cried wolf". Just before Jake falls he shrieks, "I'm going to fall!" (90). In response, Arthur says, “Good”, and this is a “word that would haunt him for the rest of his life” (90). Even though it is Jake who is injured severely in the fall, it is Arthur who suffers the most pain from this incident. Arthur's guilt makes him feel that "the repercussions of Jake's accident" (120) would last forever. Why doesn't Jake tell his parents the truth about the accident to protect Arthur? Is it because Jake is younger? Perhaps he does not speak because he enjoys seeing Arthur suffer.

When Laura first moved to Struan, Arthur was madly in love, and Jake did not care about her until one day Jake discovered that Arthur really cared about her. From that point on, Jake uses Laura as a weapon against Arthur. Jake sees Laura as the perfect way to drill a hole in Arthur's heart. Jake proves that he does not truly care about Laura because he leaves as soon as she finds out she is pregnant. Ironically, perhaps the one kind act that Jake does for Arthur is that he leaves Laura in a state of desperate so that Arthur can come in like a shining knight. The love between Arthur and Laura slowly develops, so when Jake returns after fifteen years, Arthur does not believe that his brother will prank him one last time. Yet, the spark between Laura and Jake and the burning desire within Jake to hurt his brother causes an incident to explode, with Arthur ultimately attacking his brother. When Ian tells Arthur that Jake and Laura are together, Arthur's rage causes him to repeatedly slam Jake against Jake's car. In the end, Carter is killed in a tragic accident as Jake desperately tries to escape the violent hands of his brother. However, this tragedy causes Arthur to for once show his brother that negative actions must have negative consequences. It is through this action that Arthur also finally secures Laura and her love for the rest of his life.

Jake made life for Arthur terrible but Jake and Arthur are still brothers. They still share the same blood and share many of the same experiences. Nonetheless, even though Arthur almost always tried to protect his brother to keep his mother happy, Jake continuously caused pain in Arthur's life. However, when Arthur teaches Jake that causing pain in people's lives needs to be punished, Arthur frees himself of Jake and is finally able to live in happiness. All his life, Arthur's enemy was Jake, yet through the tragedy involved in Jake's final prank, Arthur found happiness in a firestorm of chaotic sadness.


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Draft: Formative Performance Scale Grade 11 Quick Scale: Prepared and Edited Writing

This scale is designed for use with writing, including formal essays, where students have had opportunities to prepare, consult, use resources, receive feedback, revise and edit over more than one session (e.g., as in a writer’s workshop).

Not yet within expectations

Meets minimal expectations

Fully meets expectations Exceeds expectations

Snapshot Unfocused; insufficient material; does not show clear understanding. Language is simplistic with little variety and frequent errors.

Shows basic understanding or development of ideas with some lapses; little depth. Language is predicable with limited variety. Noticeable errors.

Competent. Clear and logical; completes the task thoughtfully with some specific detail. Some variety and specificity in language. Some errors.

Insightful. Some depth of understanding. Well-developed, concrete details and examples. Mature use of language, including imagery. Few, if any, errors.


Unfocused; purpose is unclear

Does not show clear understanding

Insufficient relevant material OR may repeat the same information or ideas over and over again

Details and examples often seem disconnected

Not engaging; may be confusing

Appropriate thesis, theme or purpose (may re-state prompt)

Basic understanding; little depth; parts vague or confusing

Some development; often leaves gaps in reasoning, or deals unevenly with prompt.

Some relevant details/examples

Predictable and often vague.

Focused on a clear and logical thesis, theme or purpose

Thorough understanding

Well- developed with logical explanation and analysis (where appropriate)

Specific, appropriate details and examples

Interesting to read; some ‘fresh’ ideas or insights

Focused on a mature and thoughtful thesis, theme or purpose

Insight; depth of understanding

Fully developed, in a natural and engaging way

Concrete, highly effective details and examples

Highly engaging; writer appears aware of audience

Style-Maturity; ‘flair’; control and manipulation of language-Voice and tone-Variety and flow of sentences-Diction (variety; ‘strength’ and energy of language)- Imagery; use of figurative language; literary devices

Immature; errors in language use make it difficult to read

Inappropriate voice and tone

Repetitive sentence structures; no sense of control or deliberation

Limited vocabulary; may make some odd or jarring word choices

Generally easy to read, with some awkward phrasing

Voice and tone are often inconsistent

Basic sentence structures with some variety

Vocabulary is appropriate but not concise; some variety

Easy to read; controlled

Effective voice; consistent tone

Varied sentence structure

Varied and appropriate vocabulary; some imagery and figurative language

Mature, engaging Voice feels honest and

real Controls sentence

structure for effect Mature vocabulary

with some creative, sophisticated turns of phrase; effective imagery and figurative language

Organization and form-Overall structure (relative to chosen form)-Opening/introduction-Pacing-Flow; paragraphing; transitions-Ending/conclusion

Lacks organization. Structure is weak and may be inappropriate

Generally includes an introduction

No sense of pacing Repeats a few simple

transitions No control of

paragraphing Ending does not

‘conclude’

Appropriate overall structure with some lapses.

Introduction is often the strongest part of the writing

Limited sense of pacing and control

Uses a limited range of transitions; basic paragraphing

Ending is functional, but ineffecetive

Carefully structured, with a beginning, middle and end

Interesting opening Appropriate pacing

(ideas are developed/ revealed purposefully)

Effective transitions and paragraphing

Ending ties the writing together and leaves reader something to think about

Structure is highly effective

Engaging opening Natural pacing Uses transitions

effectively to enhance meaning

Conclusion pulls writing together; may offer a memorable comment or reflection

Conventions- spelling; sentence construction;usage (e.g., agreement; tense)

Frequent, basic errors distract the reader, and often interfere with impact and meaning.

Noticeable errors may be distracting.

Some minor errors but these are not distracting; usually involve complex language

Effectively presented with very few, if any, errors; these usually involve risk-taking

Draft: Formative Performance Scale Rating Scale: Grade 11 Prepared and Edited Writing


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This scale is designed for use with writing, including formal essays, where students have had opportunities to prepare, consult, use resources, receive feedback, revise and edit over more than one session (e.g., as in a writer’s workshop).

Not yet within expectations Meets minimal expectationsSnapshot Unfocused; insufficient material; does not show clear

understanding. Language is simplistic with little variety and frequent errors.

Shows basic understanding or development of ideas with some lapses; little depth. Language is predicable with limited variety. Noticeable errors.


Unfocused; thesis or theme may be missing; purpose unclear

Does not show clear understanding of the topic Insufficient relevant material to develop

topic/thesis; may “list” OR repeat the same information or ideas over and over again

Details and examples often seem disconnected from the thesis or theme

Not engaging; may be confusing

Attempts to present and address an appropriate thesis, theme or purpose (may re-state prompt)

Shows basic understanding of the topic or event; little depth; may be vague or confused in places

Some development; often leaves gaps in reasoning, or deals unevenly with the task or prompt.

Some relevant details/examples; these may not be specific or well-connected to the thesis or theme.

Predictable and often vague.

Style-Maturity; ‘flair’; control and manipulation of language-Voice and tone-Variety and flow of sentences-Diction (variety; ‘strength’ and energy of language)- Imagery; use of figurative language; literary devices

Immature; errors in language use make it difficult to read

Inappropriate voice and tone Repetitive sentence structures; no sense of

control or deliberation Limited vocabulary; may make some odd or

jarring word choices Does not develop imagery or use figurative

language appropriately

Language is generally easy to read, with some awkward phrasing

Starts with appropriate voice and tone, but often inconsistent

Relies on basic sentence structures with some variety; little sense of control

Vocabulary is appropriate but not concise; some variety; predictable

Organization and form-Overall structure (relative to chosen form)-Opening/introduction-Pacing-Flow; paragraphing; transitions-Ending/conclusion

Lacks organization. Structure is weak and may be inappropriate for purpose and form

Generally includes an introduction No sense of pacing or control Tends to repeat a few simple transitions;

connections among ideas is often unclear No control of paragraphing Ending does not ‘conclude’ the writing or help to

accomplish the purpose

Generally appropriate overall structure with some lapses. Organization does not help to support meaning and impact.

Includes an introduction; this is often the strongest part of the writing

Limited sense of pacing and control Uses a limited range of transitions; basic

paragraphing Includes a weak ending or conclusion that is

“functional” ConventionsSpelling-Sentence construction and punctuation-Usage (e.g., agreement; tense)

Frequent, basic errors in spelling and sentences distract the reader, and often interfere with impact and meaning.

Frequent, significant usage errors, including pronoun references and verbs (form and agreement)

Noticeable errors in spelling and sentences that may be distracting. Often, these could be fixed by careful proofreading.

Noticeable usage errors, most often involving pronoun references and verbs


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Fully meets expectations Exceeds expectationsCompetent. Clear and logical; addresses and completes the task thoughtfully with some specific detail. Some variety and specificity in language. Some errors.

Insightful. Some depth of understanding. Well-developed, with well-chosen details and examples. Engaging, effective voice and style; sophisticated use of language, including imagery. Few, if any, errors.

Focused on a clear and logical thesis or theme Shows thorough understanding of topic or event Well- developed with logical explanation and analysis (where

appropriate) Specific, appropriate details and examples that are clearly

connected to the thesis, theme or purpose Interesting to read; some ‘fresh’ ideas or insights

Focused on a mature and thoughtful thesis or theme (may be implicit); may be original; thought-provoking

Shows depth or understanding and insight Fully developed, in a natural and engaging way; often includes

background in an interesting and subtle way Concrete, highly effective details and examples Highly engaging; may use humour; unusual content for effect; writer

appears aware of audience

Easy to read; controlled Effective voice; consistent tone Varied sentence structure Vocabulary is varied and appropriate with some effective use

of and variety in of adjectives and clauses (less strength in verbs)

Some imagery and use of figurative language

Mature style; engaging. Voice feels honest and real Shows control of sentence structure (manipulates length and pattern for

effect) Mature vocabulary with some creative, sophisticated turns of phrase, and

strong verbs Effective imagery and use of figurative language and rhetorical devices

Carefully structured, with a beginning, middle and end; may be somewhat uneven (i.e., introduction often stronger than other sections)

Interesting opening Appropriate pacing (ideas are developed or revealed

purposefully -- may deliberately create uncertainty or suspense)

Effective transitions and paragraphing Ending ties the writing together and leaves reader something

to think about

Structure is highly effective and adds to the meaning and impact. Engaging opening grabs attention Natural sense of pacing Ideas flow naturally from beginning to end; uses transitions effectively to

enhance meaning Conclusion pulls everything together; may offer a memorable comment or

reflection

Some minor errors in spelling and sentences but these are not distracting; they usually involve complex language and structures.

Some usage errors, most often in more complex language and longer sentences

Effectively presented with very few, if any, errors; these usually involve sophisticated language and structures.

May include occasional usage errors in complex language and longer sentences


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Sample Writing Task: Writer’s Workshop-Descriptive Writing (revised/edited/published)

Context

Students had completed and received feedback about a variety of in-class writing assignments, both in connection with the literature they were studying, and as part of their ongoing writing instruction. The teacher frequerntly provided mini-lessons on specific aspects of writing (e.g., vivid/sensory language; organization; paragraphing; tone) and students were frequently involved in self- and peer-assessment. The current assignment required them to engage in all phases of the writing process, and submit their final (third) draft for assessment.

Process

Students wrote descriptive theme about their homes (present or past), in the form of an extended metaphor. They completed their prewriting and initial draft in one class session. In a second session, they completed an author response to their first draft, and worked with a peer to offer/receive feedback. They used the feedback to complete a second draft, which was edited by a peer; then revised by the author to create the third ‘publication’ draft which they submitted for teacher assessment.

Note: students had the option of writing about an imagined home.

Assignment: Make your home the focus of this particular theme. Show us your home. It has been your dwelling, the scene of so many powerful memories for you.

For those of you who have moved for various reasons, select one of the homes you have lived in and describe it. For some of you, perhaps a grandparent's home is even more significant than your own. You may select any of your "homes" as the focus for this paper.

Your purpose is to make your home come alive to your reader. Describe it, tell about some of your most vivid memories about it. Help your reader see, hear, feel this home and the family within.

Descriptive writing makes use of two things: comparisons (metaphors and similes) and appeals to several of the senses (sight, sound, smell, touch and taste).

This descriptive composition should be in the form of an extended metaphor. In other words, describe your home as a particular institution or attraction. Choose one theme, and make the vocabulary and imagery appropriate to it.

Tone: Be certain that the paper is a lively description that contains an aura or an attitude, a feeling about this home.

Viewpoint and setting: The point of view, along with the setting, may be flexible. The home may be described from anyone's perspective, at any time or place, using any format. Creativity is a definite plus.


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Method:

1. Prewrite: Brainstorm about significant areas of your home by listing or drawing objects, areas, rooms, etc. Incorporate family members and memory associations that these areas bring to mind.

2. Now, focus freewrite about your home, including your prewriting information - some important areas, memories, and family associations of your home. Establish a dominant tone for your theme.

3. Write your first draft. It must be completed for the author/peer response session.4. Session 2: complete an author response sheet for your own paper, and a peer response for a

classmate. 5. Use your own response and the feedback to write a second draft.6. Session 3. Complete a peer edit sheet for one of your classmates. Review and discuss their

comments about your writing before completing your third (final) draft.7. Ensure that your final work is carefully proofread.

Note: Students completed a response/edit sheet at each stage of the process. Sample questions and prompts from these are provided below.

Sample prompts: Author Response to the first draft

What is the primary attitude that emerges about my home? Is this what I want it to be? What impression does this work convey to my reader? What is my home being compared to? Is the metaphor extended throughout the composition? List

some of the words that help to extend this comparison. How do I want my reader to feel about this writing? What are three prominent images or vivid details about my home?

Sample prompts: Peer response to the first draft

What is your first observation or impression of this paper? What is the paper’s predominant mood? How did it make you feel after you read it? Name two positive characteristics of the paper. List three especially memorable details or images. Describe this paper by using one adjective. List two suggestions for the second draft. For example, is there anything more you would like to

know? Should anything be arranged differently?

Sample prompts: Peer edit of the second draft

What is your dominant observation of this selection? Give at least one observation to substantiate your opinion.

List two powerful, eye-catching phrases or sentences in the introduction or conclusion. List three transitional devices. List three topic sentences. List three descriptive phrases, clauses, adjectives or sentences. List two recurrent problems with writing mechanics. List two positive characteristics of this selection. What is the author’s attitude towards this piece of writing? Why? What is the one most powerful image or idea that remains in your mind?


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Writer’s Workshop: Description – Not Yet Within Expectations (Sample 1)Teacher’s Observations


Style


Details and examples seem disconnected Repetitive sentence structures; no sense of control or deliberation Some odd or jarring word choices No sense of pacing or control Frequent basic spelling errors

My home / Palace

I think home is where we find peace and harmony. If I compare my house to the other, Palace/Castle would be the most fitting metaphor for it. Royal family or Hierarchy which describes a group with a class sytem or a step is the one I chose to depict my family members.

Upon entering the house, we have to climb three carefully laid stone steps which leads us to majestic entrance. Once we enter the door, we see the stairs mingled with brown and pink paint that leads us to upstairs. Before we go to second floor, there are two rooms, to the left and right of the steps. The room to the left is kitchen and to the right is the family room. If we sink all the way into the kitchen, our olfactory sense will smell a today’s feast. We are all able to enter this space just like dining hall in Palace. On the other side of the kitchen is where family room is located. Family room in my home acts as a grand hall in castle, and all the guests come and stay comfortable. It is the biggest and the most splendid space that can hold a number of people for a holiday clelebration such as Christmas and Thangsgiving. The last room on the floor is a place located behind the stairs and between those two rooms, where none of us are within the range of possibility to enter. As if the room is guarded by imaginary knight, my dad’s study room is, closed even to his family and matriculated only to himself.

The second floor is where my family memebers’ sleeping areas are at. There are 4 main bed rooms, and all of the rooms face each other. The first two rooms near to the stairs, are my parents’ room and younger brother’s room. The master bed room is the biggest out of those 4 and the bed inside, is decorated with fancy lace and a pink decked canopy. It also has a scent of fragrant flowers. When we open the door leading us to the fantasy garden (actually a master bedroom), the scent sneaks into our nose and makes us feel like we are in a place where all the flowers gathered in and make air fresher. Opposite to my parent’s bedroom is where my younger brother use to sleeps. This room, of course, has toys and books he uses and those are on the floor everywhere as if the room has been stirred with a stick, like little prince’s area in royal family’s. The room diagnal to my younger brother’s is my older brother’s studying place. There is nothing special in that, but across to it is mine.


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My room is full of instruments such as piano, guitars and producing machine. I practice frequently to perform where the sound provides tonic/comfort to my family in our castle.

My family is a good representation of Hierarchy of royal family. Hierarchy has diverse classes and steps like high rank from King and Queen, and low level to their posterities. In addition to this, top to bottom rank, each person of royal family have their own rights and steps that makes them to respect each other even if one is at the low level, thus, they are all to be respected by each other. My family is just like it. For example, my younger brother; he is only in grade 2 and He is apprised of his dignity by his king which is my dad and not to be abused. Therefore, my family can understand each other, and can be understood by each other. This, makes our family keep happy and liveable life.

Home is where we find safe, ease, and bliss. We must be pride ourselves about our home even if It is not like actual castle or palace. House, If we can stay with our family neverthless it is awfully poor, is the crowning happiness of our liveable life.


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Writer’s Workshop: Description – Not Yet Within Expectations (Sample 2)Teacher’s Observations


Style `


Confusing; details and examples are disconnected. Odd examples and word choice; often jarring No sense of control or deliberation in sentences Odd and jarring word choice Disjointed; no sense of pacing Some minor errors

No title

I live in a jungle. Befriended by a koala bear that is deceivingly cute and cuddly just until she jumps on your back, clawing at your eyes annoyingly nagging you to do what needs to be done. She craves to rule the jungle, but fails to retain the amount of knowledge as the lion does. He stands tall, eyes wise and isn’t hesitant to share his wisdom. He’s an excellent leader, but fails to realize. Because of his vulnerability, he lets the koala bear take control of him at times, giving up his pride on a platter to her ruthless mind games. Trying to talk sense into her is seemingly impossible; the only ones with such power are the unicorns, manipulating her in such strategic ways. I look up to their magical characteristics only hoping to retain their knowledge until they disappear quickly into the jungle once again. I try to follow but my feet can only go so fast and the koala bear ties me down on a tight leash leading me into frustration. How can I be imprisoned in a place of freedom? Yet I continue to wait until the unicorns’ journey back, or better yet, the lion.

As I wait in the war zone with verbal explosions violently deceasing areas constantly, a beast is to be found. He searches the areas hopelessly, only looking for trust. Creeping out from between the tall dark trees I find compassion for him. I realize he is not a beast at all nor is he seeking revenge. He sits with me and I discover he is only here to help. Untying me from this trap that the insidious creature has caught me in, we journey off together to find what we’ll always be looking for. Koala Bear: “You really think you’re going to get off that easy? You were never able to finish what you started.” We turn around, and before we knew it she had lit the torch that begun to burn away at the jungle.

Once the fire dies down, we continue to scurry off keeping our distance. We wait for the signal fire to be triggered then we find each other once again. The jungle is filled with animals out to hurt and ones out to help. A jungle filled with words people have spoken condescendingly and the jungle prepares you to pick the words in which to believe in. As I lay my head back down on my pillow of soft black soil underneath this tall dark tree covering my head, I pull up by blanket of leaves and rest my eyes nervously. No one likes the jungle, but we would rather be here than anywhere else, for this is what we call our home.


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Writer’s Workshop: Description – Meets Minimal Expectations Expectations (sample 1)


Style `


Basic development; does not have a strong sense of purpose Introduction is the strongest part of the writing Generally easy to read Basic sentences structures; appropriate vocabulary No transition from paragraph to paragraph

Hotel

As I walk in the main entrance, all that is seen is emmpty furniture. I proceed to the front desk, where I’m asked how my day is and then go up to my suite. After I am all settled in, I sit back to relax and watch tv. As my eyes start to close, all that is heard is the maid pacing back and forth down the hallways cleaning other suites. I close my door and put up the “do not disturb” sign and quickly doze off. Abruptly awoken, by my seven o’clock wake up call, I’m forced to roll out of bed and make my way down to the resturuant in the lobby for breakfast. I head back up to my suite as I finish breakfast to get ready to head out for the day.

During the week it’s quiet like an abandoned playground. But as Friday comes around more guests check-in and the silence is no where to be found. Within all the craziness, the manager is no where to be found. All that is found is guests coming and going.

It’s Friday night and I head down to the resturant with a few other guests to have dinner. As we sit there we figure out our plans for the night ahead of us. When we are finished eating, we make our way back up to my suite where we blast music while getting ready. A knocking is heard at the door, greeted by an angry face asking me to turn down the music, as other guests are trying to sleep. Dissapointed, we leave and go out for a few hours. As we stumble in the front door late, I head up to my suite, making sure to be quiet in the hallway.


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Writer’s Workshop: Description – Meets Minimal Expectations (Sample 2)Teacher’s Observations


Style


Basic development with gaps; hard to understand in places Provides extensive detail, but it is not well connected (“series of photos rather than the whole movie”) No sense of control in sentences structure; awkward phrasing Shifts in point-of-view; voice is inconsistent Limited sense of pacing.

The Warhead

The large house acts as if it is a warhead factory and in the same time the aftermath of a nuclear bomb. It starts in our all prevailing wire filled computer room. The pitch of zinging fans, motherboards and video cards overwhelm your ears. Wherever you look there is a monitor, a laptop, hundreds of wires and speakers. Constantly being set in motion of brainstorming ideas along with the creation of masterpieces.

Myself, photo-shopping designs and images for the perfect picture fit, logos and 3D renders. Behind me sits my step dad which is programming and working on all the functions of the internals and brains of the project. Usually you will see a big fat cigar sticking out the side of his mouth. Finally to the left of him is my step brother, a coke with ice on the table and a box of chocolate chip cookies. He instantaneously navigates net for necessary parts, scanning information and deals that will fit the application accordingly.

Going through the smoke filled hallways from the cigar and solder leftovers are the second quarters. Only more quiet and clean as it is my mothers. All you can hear is 103.5QM FM, and her gentle breath. A single computer along with the fine parts of all the technology. She is the mastermind in programming boards and finicky small parts. Expect to see a slice of cake along with some tea on her desk. Makes you want to grab one yourself, make sure there is some dark chocolate or cake left over, otherwise there will be yelling and blood.

Stepping out of her room and into the kitchenette we have chemicals being mixed to create the substances to the heart of our blitz. The smells are rough but light in the same time. Full body suits and gloves of course. Concentrated faces, mistakes are not an option. Get a drop in the wrong capsule and a storm will rise to the already grimy volume. Around the kitchen and every area the house is in a state of disarray, parts and projects have been forgotten to be cleaned up and finished.

Walking into the garage the true work of all the ideas are brought together, mixing and matching all the specific parts finally come together in the workshop. Welding, patching, fusing are a basic. Weeks and hours of work for the perfect result is the complex. Finally everything is put together and in working order, last tests and problems are checked.


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The warhead is complete, we put it to use and start over again.


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Writer’s Workshop: Description – Fully Meets Expectations (Sample 1)


Style


Focused; shows awareness of audience Some fresh ideas; effective voice Engaging opening; well-developed Uneven—loses flow in places

No title

As I “clocked-in” from the outside world to start my shift, I noticed the disgusting smirk on the face of my bourgeois counterpart. My heart started to beat faster as I got angrier, my nostrils were tingling like I smelt the world’s hottest pepper from the volcanoes of Jakarta. I saw that he was discussing the latest means of production when he stopped to inform the proletariats that the latest payments have been cut down due to not enough products being shipped to the latest third-world country. I got angrier like the Hulk, I wanted to punch this bourgeois in the face so he could learn who the proletariats are. As always though, the proletariats went back to their cubicles, mad as usual at the unproportioned “class” system. The proletariats were disappointed at the false promise of the “Trickle-down theory,” but what could they do.

After I walked and settled myself in, I started my work on the “Heritage project,” which requires me to do their paperwork for no pay, and still Heritage Co. judges me on how well I complete the Heritage work. My boss emphasises that I complete the Heritage work because my positive work will get me noticed at other high class businesses. I always get a sense of empathy when I do Herigate’s work, it’s useless because half the things I do for them I don’t even use in other aspects of my job. My job can sometimes by enjoyable but it’s mostly just one boring assignment altered with each new aspect of a certain department. Each day as I finish my work, I see some employees slacking off and yet they get reconition for completing difficult tasks, sometimes the world only reconizes the bourgeois or maybe we should create a system so that proletariats and bourgeois can co-exist without class-discrimination.

Once I checked out, I became slightly happy again. My life, for now, is based on doing the “Heritage project,” then going to fun parts of my brain to “melo-out.” My life though always brings me back to this office but I was told that I got one more year to complete the “Heritage project” before my superiors can assess it. Now all I’m doing is waiting for that day to come....


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Writer’s Workshop: Description – Fully Meets Expectations (Sample 2)Teacher’s Observations


Style `


Honest voice; “solid” Metaphor works effectgively and is well-devleoped Carefully structured, with an interesting opening Specific appropriate details and examples

My Home: the Castle

Each and every morning I awaken to the sloppy tongue of my furry little Jester. She is small, yet loud when she howls her jokes to me. I roll out of bed and slip into the royal slippers. Finally, I exit my royal bed chamber and descend the staircase towards the royal cooking room. Our Queen then greets me with a plate of our finest royal scrambled eggs, which are accompanied by a side of crisp, sizzling, and juicy royal bacon as well as two slices of whole wheat toast. “Here you are Prince Dillon William of Jansen.”

As I feast upon the glorious bounty of food, the evil troll Brandon appears, coming in my direction from the staircase to devour his portion. He is my sworn enemy and neither of us bother discussing or debating about our quests. As I continue to feast, my Jester Bailey eats my scraps and anything that I leave behind. I then return to my royal bed chamber to dress in my finest garments.

Once I have prepared for my quest, I head over to the family stable, where my noble white steed, Ford, awaits our objective and my presence. Ford and I begin our journey onwards towards the Woods of Heritage. The Woods are enchanted because they are home to the evil sorcer Roesty. My quest is to defeat him in a battle of skills. These skills require us to craft wooden swords and battle with the royal swords against the enchanted swords. When the battle is done, the evil sorcer is slain and I begin my trek back towards my kingdom. My castle sits on the top of a treachorous mountain. By the time we return home Ford must rest and refuel because of exhaustion.

When I enter the castle, I am welcomed by both my Queen, as well as my Jester. We celebrate my latest triumph over supper.

After supper I will return to my royal bed chamber and slumber. I will need plenty of rest; tomorrow is the dawn of a new day.


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Writer’s Workshop: Description – Exceeds Expectations


Style `


Playful and engaging; insightful and succinct Fully developed in a natural way; “complete” Consistent voice; seems honest and real; shows awarenress of audience Flows with a sense of ease and control; smooth transitions

My Home – Departures

My home is an international airport. Hectic schedules, people running to and fro in a hurry to go somewhere else, whether where they’re going they’ll feel more at home or whether they just want to get away, the location itself is insignificant. Home to many a sound and many a sight, the airport isn’t much of a home at all-– as we all just keep waiting to leave, even when we’ve only just come back.

Every day, countless flights take off, all to their own destinations, all for their own reasons: business trips, family visits, or just well-deserved locations. We are the airplanes, my siblings and I, always flying off the run-ways and out into the world, our heads 36,000 feet in the clouds. But every departing flight returns, sooner or later – sometimes it may be in only hours, and sometimes in weeks, or even months. But we always come back. Of course, we couldn’t fly without guidance. There are two flight dispatchers – we call them Mom and Dad. Constantly attached to a phone or a device, they’re always prepared to assist us when we’re panicking mid-air, striving to help us land safely, avoiding malfunctions, or at the very least, collisions, crashes, and disasters.

Naturally, when you get to an airport, you’re required to go through specific security checks. You go through an invasive screening, and they ask you where you’re going and why you’re going there, check your bags thoroughly, and make sure you’re not up to anything out of the ordinary. It makes you feel like they don’t trust you, but you know that in fact it is all for your own safety and benefit. After those necessary checks have been completed, you proceed to any terminal you please – there is the living room terminal, the kitchen terminal, and even airport hotels, in case your flight leaves the next day. They’re just upstairs. In the living room terminal they have very comfortable chairs, and the ambience is quite splendid, for an airport at least. They have a TV, but there’s seldom anything good on. The smells of the airport are very interesting: the mixture of stale air-conditioned oxygen, that keeps the place uncomfortable chilly year-round, and the perfume of visitors are an intriguing combination. The sounds, too, are curious: the loud music emitting out of headphones, and the baffling abundance of languages. One can learn many things from the people they encounter at their crossroads.

After what seems like forever at the terminal, you can finally take off and soar into the clouds, fly away somewhere else, because isn’t that all we want? The thing about airports is that no matter how comfortable or nice they will try to make them, all we want from being in one is as painless of a wait as possible, and not much else. But what’s there is the appeal of a world of possibilities, and the little planes fly happily from their link to it all – the airport. After all, your destination has little significance next to the importance of your journeyDRAFT. Interim scale developed for BC Ministry of Education based on 2007 curriculum. Will be updated or replaced as new curricula are developed.

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Writer’s Workshop: Description – Exceeds Expectations


Style `


Fully developed, with concrete, highly effective details and description. Some depth of understanding; extended metaphor works for the content Shows awareness of audience; uses interesting content for effect Ideas flow naturally from beginning to end Very few errors (minor), easy to read

My House

At 0730 hour, I was awakened by the stentorian battle siren of my alarm clock as usual. No time for reluctance, I geared up in my Pvt. Uniform with no chevron on it. Four blank wall, a bed, a drawer; the only decorative object in the room was a world map with pins and markings all over it. Neatly, I returned the bed into its default standby state, folding the sheet into a block with 90 degree angles. Then, with one final scan of the empty cubicle, I rushed down the quarters.

As the first one to arrive at the dinning quarter, I unlocked the freezing chamber. A chill flowed out of the fridge as if I entered a mortuary. Here was where all the food supplies were stored; dull, but good enough for survival. I located the ration which I prepared in a lunch box and shoved it into my inventory. Then I took out another share, unheated, bland; I simply gnawed the material in my mouth for I had little time left.

In the armory, I checked and loaded my equipment. Books were on shelves in exact formation, sorted orderly by the alphabet. I armed my personal weapon, the semi-automatic mechanical pencil, with specific .5 2B lead ammunition. Putting it inside the storage case, I placed everything in the backpack. Checking the time on my wrist, I read 0800.

Not a second could be wasted or I would not make it in time. I marched out of the depot to the bus stop to catch my transportation, also known as the light armored vehicle, Charlie 27. It came in 30 minute shifts, which meant that I could be seriously late if I missed it. If I was late, it would immediately count as AWOL, and that might upset the commander.

So, I was off to School.

I did not choose to join the bloody fight, just like many other conscripts I met in the war called School. Being in School brought no heroism like the government promised; instead, it was just another pointless war with millions involved. However, when I took the 1530 hour evacuation back to the base, someone would always be there to evaluate my effort. According to the evaluations, I would be promoted or punished.


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“So how was School today?” The examination would always start with this fixed question with no possible right answers.

“It was fine, Ma’am!” the commander, my boss, could always be found in her office on the Kitchen Wing of the Headquarter. The air here was filled with the smell of gun powder. One wrong move, and I c accidently ignite it, which meant being fired or even sent to the cooler.

“I heard that you have your Report Card coming home today.” said the calm, hollow voice. Yes, the battle reports that my statics in School. Even though the commander stayed in the base all day, she knew the war better than anyone.

“Yeah, here.” I had crushing victories on all my courses in School, so I was not too afraid to show it.

“Good.” With one word, she left in her personal vehicle, temporarily out of the base. I saluted and marched down to my next destination.

I arrived at my trench, a small study in the basement. In this little chamber, it was slightly warmer than the rest of the House; here on the war zone, it was the only safe place I could hide. Unlike other trenches, this dark trench had wires and cabling all over the floor, and in the centre were glowing screens. Inside the trench, I guarded the most important technology with full concentration - - the desktop computer. This piece of high-end equipment allowed me to access the “Intel-Net”, which connected me to comrades from other bases. I camped in front the computing devices for hours until the commander returned with the garage door rumbling.

In the docking station, I unloaded all the food supplies from the back trunk of the commander’s vehicle. Just as I was exhausted from all the heavy lifting, jumped my little sister out of the car. A civilian like her was always a pain to deal with. She did not have to fight like I did, and she needed to be protected at all times. Furthermore, she had priority over everything; if fresh food supplies came in, the civilian would be the first one to be served even though we soldiers fought all day on the battlefield. After 30 minutes of café time spent with the commander and civilian, I retreated back to my trench. I needed to complete the assignments for my courses and prepare things I would need for the ongoing war of School.

As everything was ready and in place, my shift was over. It was around midnight and I dragged my torn body to the living quarters. I crawled into my bed like a zombie, for my legs were too tired to react. Now, sleep would be the number one objective to me.

For tomorrow at 0730, the siren would sound and everything would repeat all over again.


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in-class response to quotation – not yet within web viewalso if all your doing is focussing on...

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