II. Shabbat Empowerment:Getting Started with a Home

Celebrationcompiled by Noam Zion for A Day Apart: Educator’s Guide

A. Introduction – Shulchan Aruch p.2 How to “set the table” for a Shabbat celebration B. Where to Begin? P. 4 Where to Begin by Michael Strassfeld

C. Culinary Treats: Jewish Cooking for Shabbat p. 7 Is there “Jewish Cooking”?Holiness in the Kitchen - Women’s Spirituality “Sabbath Fish” by Eric Freudenstein One Pot Meals, Shabbat Stew or Cholent by Kay Kantor Pomerantz

D. The Children’s “Table’ – Preparing and Participating:

p.21 Parental Guidelines: Shabbat Hints for Families with Young Children by Noam Zion and Shira Ackerman-SimchovitchThe Blessings of Time: Teaching your Child the Value of the Present Moment by Wendy MogelShabbat for Young Families… Learning, Growing and Memory-Making by Julie Jaslow Auerbach

E. Setting the Table with Sacred Serving Pieces: Klei Kodesh for the Home Altar p.33 by Noam Zion and Talya Weisbard

F. Welcoming Guests – Hakhnasat Orchim p.35

On Traditional Etiquette: Duties of the Guest and of the HostOut of The Cold – A Synagogue becomes a Five Star Hotel for the Homeless By Walter Seaton

G. Table Songs and Musical Background for Shabbat p.42 by Elizabeth Kessler

H. The Synagogue’s Contribution to Shabbat Empowerment:

Modeling a Shabbat Celebration around the Table p. 49Club Shabbos - Reclaiming Shabbat by Bill Berk

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Top Tips for Friday Night Dinner at the Synagogue by Raphael ZarumShabbat for the Young at Heart: A Romantic Candle-lit Dinner with Poetry

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A.Introduction – Shulchan Aruch: How to “set the table” for a Multi-Dimensional Shabbat Celebration

Start small.Bless one moment for what it brings you.Say one ancient prayer, link yourself with continuity and eternity.Fill one silence with your end of the conversation.No one can do this for you; it belongs to you.

Professor Ismar Schorsch, High Holiday Message, Jewish Theological Seminary

The author of the most famous medieval book of Jewish practice, Yosef Karo, called his user-friendly book “the Shulchan Aruch,” the all-ready set table. His point was that along side the theoretical study of Jewish law of which he was a past master, there was a need for a more straightforward how to manual.. May Rav Karo forgive us but a contemporary title for his four volume summary of everyday Jewish life might have been called “Jewish practice for Dummies” or perhaps “Fast-food Judaism” for those with only five minutes to prepare to perform a mitzvah.  Since his time, many even more abbreviated codes of Jewish law have been published. Getting a simple version of what to do also free us – after a little practice – to soar spiritually. Recall that Yosef Karo was himself a mystic and best friend and study partner of Shlomo Alkabetz who wrote L’cha Dodi.

The major goal of the Shabbat Empowerment is to help Jewish educators “to set the Shabbat table” for intelligent, but not necessarily knowledgeable, Jews who are interested in a short course in Shabbat table life at home: where and how  to begin  making your own Shabbat (Here the inspiring

essays by Michael Strassfeld and Ron Wolfson are classics for getting oriented).

the menu of ethnic foods, some history of the Jewish culinary art, and a few easy recipes (see Jewish cookbooks, not included here)

the children’s table - how do we create a special place for the children in the preparation as well as the celebration of Shabbat at the table?

Jewish serving pieces - setting the table with elegant sacred utensils (Kiddush cups, hallah covers and so on, see Jewish art websites, not included here)

welcoming guests and making them feel at home (see the section on Birkat haMazon in the Shabbat Revisited below in chapter V)

musical background and Jewish folk singing (recommended CDs to create a mood and learn to sing Shabbat songs)

“Shabbat-lite” – a short list of rituals, activities and readings drawn from A Day Apart (each educator must pick their own favorites appropriate for their community)

The most important place to start transforming your Friday meal into a Shabbat dinner is to learn from Ron Wolfson1 the distinction between a “Fast Food Mentality versus Seudat Mitzvah –A Festive Mitzvah Meal.” As he notes “fast food is a mentality. It rapidly becomes a way of life.” By contrast

“Dining is a whole different activity. Think cloth napkins and everything slows down. …Dining takes dressing up, going to a special setting, and changing the rhythm. While good food is important, the essence of fine

1 Ron Wolfson, The Shabbat Seder (Jewish Lights)

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dining is conversation, communication, and connection. A real dinner isn’t merely a moment of human grazing, it is an event, an occasion, an experience. It’s not the formality, the lavishness, the two forks and three spoons that make a difference. These are merely props that help to cue the time-signature. Dining is when we go beyond “grabbing a bite” (or even “taking” a lunch) to breaking bread together. A quick meal is a pause, a momentary replenishment, a few shared remarks. Dining is when there is time to talk, to savor, to spend a period of significant time together around the table.

The rabbinic concept of Seudat Mitzvah (a meal celebrating a value like a marriage, finishing the study of a Torah text, the Exodus from Egypt on Pesach or the Creation of the world on Shabbat) borrows much from the atmosphere of the upper class symposium meal of the Greeks. The dips, the sipping of wine, reclining comfortably and most important the intellectual conversation. Unique to the Rabbis was the attempt to invite every Jew of whatever class and of whatever academic background to eat like royalty and to speak like philosophers and rabbis – at least on Shabbat, on Pesach and at life cycle events.

As Ron Wolfson explains: A Seudat Mitzvah is “not a fast-food experiences. It works best with reflection. …The Rabbis knew that reflection takes a catalyst, time for the experiential to mix with the symbolic. …The ritual serves as a metronome for the dinner, while the dinner process allows the symbols to become a personal, interactive-part of the family. Family traditions, with their private jokes and impromptu rituals, are the building blocks that actualize the Jewish tradition….The Shabbat Seudah is not a meal preceded by a short service, nor a service followed by dining. Rather, the Rabbis evolved it as a whole table evening; a celebration that lets us dance to a different drum-machine.”

One idea for making each Shabbat special is to pick a theme. The theme-Shabbat might be based o culinary preferences. Italian night would mean Italian dishes and someone reporting on an aspect of Italian Jewish history or teaching some Italian words. The door would be decorated with art from Italy – maybe Michaelangelo’s Moses or David or the work of Modigliani, the Italian Jewish artist. Games night would involve setting the table with game themes like monopoly placemats or choosing one’s seat by a roll of dice. Later games would provide the evening “entertainment” or as the rabbis called it, the Oneg Shabbat, the pleasures of Shabbat. Broadway musical night might involve singing all the songs from Fiddler on the Roof. And reading a Hassidic story for discussion. Before special holidays like Yom HaAtzmaut the food might be Israeli as well as the stories and songs. The door would be decorated with a large Israeli tourist map and each guest would relate a story about Israel.

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B.Where to Begin?

IntroductionTo begin Shabbat as a learning experience is not to read manual about the so-called perfect Shabbat based on the Hassidic or Lithuanian model. It is not matter of imitation but of learning gradually to create Shabbat as your own work of art. Each individual and each household shapes their own Shabbat forms. Everyone uses some traditional resources – candles, wine and hallah – and some personal adaptations – whole wheat bread, homemade floating candles, and their own love songs sung to one another from a popular album. That form needs staying power – repetition is essential to learn any art and replication creates a higher comfort level as people learn their roles. Yet Shabbat forms also need some flexibility – openness to new traditions, shorter or simpler rituals on a day when we are very tired – let us call it “Shabbat-lite.” As children and adults grow their tastes and needs change, so new energy must be invested to retool the household Shabbat. To begin to grow one’s own Shabbat one need only decide to start with one or two things and make a commitment to continue them for at least one month. Then you can reflect and retool. Many families began with one thing and proceeded to two. That was enough for some and others continued to expand their Shabbat. But Shabbat is not an all or nothing demand. Some households have stayed with Friday night from candles to the end of dinner as their two hour Shabbat zone. After that everyone went about their “business” – but no business was allowed during the two hours of Shabbat sharing. That time was holy to collective celebration. Some Friday nights are great and others seem very artificial. In any case Shabbat requires along term investment and its fruits are not only measured weekly. Time is required to benefit. Time is the gift of Shabbat.

Where to Begin by Michael Strassfeld 2

Shabbat is both a central ritual in Judaism and also among the most demanding of traditional practices. After all, it asks you to change your life every seven days. For those just beginning a Shabbat observance, here are two suggestions that you may find helpful. First, take on or try out pieces of Shabbat observance. Go one step at a time. Give yourself and the ritual a chance. You will need to try each new part of the ritual for a while before you stop feeling self-conscious. Second, begin defining your notion of Shabbat. Your definition might include (a) a day of rest from your job without a commitment to refrain from the halakhic definition of work; (b) a commitment not only to stay home from your job, but also not to do any errands or chores; (c) a day of relaxation involving no jobs or errands, which might include going to the movies, a drive in the country, or devoting time to your hobby of painting (even though these leisure activities might involve “violations” of traditional Shabbat laws); or (d) a day with no work but which allows for errands as long as they are done as a family. For contemporary families, Shabbat may be the only set time to be together all week....

Another factor you need to determine is how much of the Shabbat period should be observed. Some Jews observe Shabbat only on Friday nights, leaving Saturday indistinguishable from Sunday. Others will go to synagogue Shabbat morning, but go shopping in the afternoon. While some will observe Shabbat until its official ending time, others will end when they feel it should be over.

If you are a Shabbat “beginner,” it is a good idea to try to get an invitation to the home of a “veteran” for a Friday night dinner. Alternatively, your local synagogue may have a communal Friday night dinner. Shabbat can be a difficult 2 A Book of Life by Michael Strassfeld, Schocken Books, pgs. 128-129

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ritual to celebrate alone. Find friends to celebrate it with even if they are also novices.

The Extra Shabbat Soul: A Spiritual Shabbat Orientation, by Michael Strassfeld3

On Shabbat we are given an extra soul, a nishamah yeteira. ..Shabbat enables us to have more of a sense of soulfulness. This can be created in a number of simple ways.

For one thing, our pace on Shabbat can be different from that of the week. Setting aside work, commitments, and responsibilities, there is no reason not to take a leisurely pace on Shabbat. Traditionally, it is forbidden to run on Shabbat. It is too work-like. Slow down. Walk. Have a leisurely breakfast. Spend time with those in your life with whom you are mostly passing ships during the week.

It is particularly helpful to begin Shabbat with a different pace. Often because of Shabbat preparation, the time before Shabbat begins can be hectic, getting everything ready to meet this last deadline of the week. As Shabbat starts, change your pace. When walking to synagogue (even if from the parking lot to the synagogue’s door), stroll rather than walking briskly. One Hasidic rebbe was known to circle the synagogue seven times on Friday night before entering to prepare himself for the onset of Shabbat.

Slowing our pace can also help as we strive to be more aware--aware of the world, of the people in our lives, of ourselves. Ultimately it can bring an awareness of all the gifts that God has given to each of us. Being mindful of God’s gifts can lead to a mindfulness about the Presence of God, the bringing us to a place where we fulfill the verse Shiviti YHVH le-negdi tamid, “I have placed God before me always” (Psalm 16:8).

Make Shabbat different by what you do. Reserve some special things that you only do on Shabbat. Let your conversation be different on Shabbat. Do not talk about weekday matters, especially work-related things. Do not use Shabbat to plan for things that are to happen during the week. Do not let the stress and obligations of the week creep into Shabbat, whether in thought or in speech.

The tradition’s emphasis on the restrictions for Shabbat is a recognition of how difficult it can be to withstand the pressures of work. In pursuing our occupations deadlines come up that tempt us to make exceptions and suspend our Shabbat "just" for this week. Only a firm commitment can create the space for an ongoing Shabbat practice. In creating the space for Shabbat, include all the things you need to do, such as running errands, paying bills, fixing the broken door, straightening the house, etc., as activities to be avoided even if they don’t violate the traditional categories of work....

We turn inward on Shabbat. Accordingly, some people don’t answer the phone or read their mail or e-mail, just so the world intrudes less on their lives. If we try, we can cultivate the nishamah yeteira, that extra measure of soulfulness, which is at the heart of the Shabbat experience.

C.Menu for Culinary Treats:Jewish Cooking for Shabbat

Is there “Jewish cooking”?

Is there such a thing as “Jewish cooking”? No such thing historically or halachicly, yet emotionally and ethnically Jewish cooking is a very powerful tradition. Except for Pesach – matzah and haroset – and of course the generic need for wine and hallah on Shabbat and holidays, there are no halachicly sanctioned Jewish recipes.

3 A Book of Life, Schocken Book page 130

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Even hallah, matza and haroset vary enormously from country to country and from century to century. Two Shabbat dishes do grow out of attempts to circumvent Shabbat restrictions – Gefillte fish (de-boned and ground up) avoids the need to separate out bones from fish which is viewed as a violation of Shabbat labor restrictions and Cholent, a long-stewing pot left on the fire all of Shabbat and consumed in the after noon, sidesteps the restriction of initiating the cooking of hot food on Shabbat day. Thus there is no universal Jewish recipe book.

However each ethnic Jewish community absorbed and adapted the local food substances and culinary traditions and then added memories preserved from generation to generation and imbibed with fragrant smells. Bagels, falafel, kreplach, borekas and latkas are not uniquely Jewish in their home of origin but they become “Jewish” symbols when Jews move from land to land and are distinguished by these ethnic inheritances. With the power of the cookbook laced with lovely memoirs, Jewish cooks today can reclaim these old recipes and continue the living tradition of their adaptation to personal taste and changing health warnings. Developing and setting apart some culinary treats – whatever their origin - to be eaten only on Shabbat or holidays, makes them Shabbat fare par excellence for the next generation.

Below you will find just a barebones section on Jewish cooking that can be supplemented from Joan Nathan’s wonderful and informative book on Jewish Cooking in America. We begin with an acknowledgement of the place of Hallah baking in Jewish spiritual tradition, a scholarly and very entertaining survey of the history of eating “Sabbath fish” and then we refer you to an admirable attempt to revive and expand the cholent making tradition by Kay Kantor Pomerance (see her many cholent cookbooks).

Humorous Culinary Guide to Jewish Holdays Anoymous4

As a general principle, Jewish holidays are divided between days on>which you must starve and days on which you must overeat.>Many Jews observe no fewer than 16 fasts throughout the Jewish year, based on the time-honored principle that even if you are sure that you are ritually purified, you definitely aren't. Though there are many feasts and fasts, there are no holidays requiring light snacking. Note: On Jewish holidays most Jews take the whole day off. This is because Jews, for historical and personal reasons, are more stressed out.

The Diet Guide to the Jewish Holidays (from an anonymous internet communication) > Rosh Hashanah - Feast > Yom Kippur - Don't feast

4 an internet message passed from computer to computer

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> Sukkot - Feast> Hoshana Rabbah - More feasting> Simchat Torah - Keep feasting> Month of Heshvan - No feasts or fasts for a whole month. Get a grip on yourself> Hanukkah - Eat Latkes> Tenth of Tevet - Do not eat Latkes> Tu B'Shevat - Feast> Fast of Esther - Fast> Purim- Eat pastry> Passover - Do not eat pastry> Shavuot - Dairy feast (cheesecake, blintzes etc.)> 17th of Tammuz - Fast (definitely no cheesecake or > blintzes)> Tish B'Av - Very strict fast (do not even think about cheesecake or blintzes)> Month of Elul - End of cycle. Enroll in the Center for Eating Disorders before it all starts again. There are many forms of Judaism: > Cardiac Judaism - in my heart I am a Jew.> Gastronomic Judaism - we eat Jewish foods.> Pocketbook Judaism - I give to Jewish causes.> Drop-off Judaism - drop the kids off at Sunday school and go out to breakfast> Two-Times a Year Judaism - attend services on Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur

You know you grew up Jewish when:> You've had at least one female relative who drew eyebrows on her face that were always symmetrical.> You spent your entire childhood thinking that everyone calls roast beef "brisket"> You've experienced the phenomena of 50 people fitting into a 10 foot wide dining room > You were as tall as your grandmother by the age of seven.> You were surprised to find out that wine doesn't always taste like year-old cranberry sauce.> You can look at gefilte fish and not turn green.> You can understand Yiddish but you can't speak it.> You know how to pronounce numerous Yiddish words and use them correctly in context; yet you don't exactly know what they mean. Kenahurra!!!> You have at least one ancestor who is related to your spouse's ancestor.> You thought that speaking loud was normal.

Holiness in the Kitchen - Women’s Spirituality

Chava Weissler5 has studied the women’s personal prayers written and recited mainly between 16th-20th century in Eastern Europe. Tkhines (or “Tekhinot” as pronounced in modern Hebrew) were written for a wide variety of religious occasions and everyday concerns (recovery from illness, rain during a drought, visiting the cemetery). However women recited personal prayers in particular when performing three special "women's commandments” (Mishnah Shabbat 2:5 -"Women die in childbirth for three transgressions: because they do not take care in observing marital separation, setting aside the portion of dough, and kindling 5 Chava Weissler,"The Traditional Piety of Ashkenazic Women"

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the Sabbath light."). Phrased negatively and ominously these mitzvot evoked personal prayer either out of fear or despite the Mishnaic tone, out of a sense of special intimacy with God. Shabbat is particular focus of all three mitzvoth since sexual relations were particularly commendable on Shabbat – as long as the wife had visited the mikveh if necessary.

Hallah baking is a central part of Shabbat preparations. The loaves baked for the Sabbath and festival meals are called hallot, since ther baking affords an opportunity to perform the duty of separating out the hallah portion. Hallah refers to the part of the dough separated out as a gift for the priest (Numbers 15:7-21). Any dough made from a certain volume of wheat, barley, spelt, rye or oat flour, was subject to the laws of hallah (Mishnah Hallah 1:1). After the destruction of the Temple, the separated portion was no longer given to the priest, yet it remains holy. Therefore it is burnt so that it will not be used for everyday purposes. Since it was usually the woman who baked in the home, the laws of hallah fall particularly upon her. She takes a tiny quantity of the dough (the size of an olive) as a symbolic reminder, throws it into the oven or fire to be burned, and recites a special blessing. How women felt in performing this daily chore turned into a mitzvah may be expressed in the special Tekhinot prayers they wrote and recited.

Here are some fine examples of Tekhinot about bread baking translated sensitively and expertly by Chava Weissler.

Shloyshe She'orim (The Three Gates) by Sore (Sara) bas Tovim.(c. 17th century)

Lord of the World, we pray that you accept the mitzvah of hallah, and send great blessing on us wherever we turn. May our children not become strangers, and may we be able to provide for our children with a livelihood, I and my husband, by ourselves, during a long life.

May my hallah be accepted as the sacrifice on the altar was accepted. May my mizvah be accepted just as if I had performed it properly. In ancient times, the high priest came and caused the sins to be forgiven; so also may my sins be forgiven with this. May I be like a newborn child. May I be able to honor my dear Sabbaths and holidays. May God bestow upon me that I and my husband and my children be able to nourish ourselves. Thus may my mitzvah of hallah be accepted: that my children may be fed by the dear God, be blessed, with great mercy and compassion. May this mitzvah of hallah be accounted as if I had given the tithe. As I perform my mizvah of hallah with might and main, so may God, be blessed, guard me from anguish and pain. [This last line is rhymed in Yiddish: Vi ikh tu mayn mitsve fun khale mit gants hartsn, zo zol Got borukh hu mikh hitn far payn un shmartsn.]

Seyder Tkhines (1650, 1752)

Lord of all the worlds, all blessing is in your hands. I come now to honor your holiness, and pray you to give your blessing on what I bake. Send an angel to guard the baking, so that everything will be well baked, will rise nicely, and will not burn. May this baking, over which we make the holy blessing, honor your holy Sabbath, which you have chosen that your people Israel may rest thereon. God, listen to my voice, for you are the one who hears those who call upon you with the whole heart. May you be praised to eternity.

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Chava Weissler compares these Tekhinot: “In its humble, tender tone, in its simplicity, this tkhine shows us how women could sanctify the most ordinary household chores. It also reminds us that women's spirituality was far from monolithic. While one woman was moved by envisioning herself as a participant in the ancient Temple worship, another found holiness in her own kitchen.”

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Sabbath Fish by Eric G. Freudenstein6

“Your approach is too body-oriented. Try to imagine a meta-dinner, not so much a filling occasion as a fulfilling one.” 7

In Ancient EgyptThe Bible records for us that the Israelites complained to Moses about the

lack of variety in the food available to them in the desert:In Egypt we had fish for the asking, cucumbers and water-melons, leeks and onions and garlic. Now our throats are parched; there is nothing wherever we look except this manna (Numbers 11:5, 6).

Modern archaeological evidence bears out the fact that fish was available for enslaved laborers like the children of Israel in Egypt. There is an Egyptian document concerning a petition addressed to the royal authorities in the 29th year of Ramses III (about 1150-1200 B.C.E.) by the Union of Gravediggers who, as part of their payment, received large amounts of fish four times monthly. The petitioners requested a pay increase, pointing out that they came to the authorities without clothes and ointments, and even without fish, that indispensable food. We know that the ancient Egyptians were able to preserve large quantities of fish for long periods of time by a process of drying and salting, and a warehouse of dried fish was discovered near the Sun Temple of Amarna.

But to the Israelites wandering in the desert, fish meant even more than the free ration handed out to the slaves. There was a beautifully romantic aspect, as told us by the midrash.

Under the apple-trees I roused thee (Song Of Songs 8:5). Rabbi Avira expounded: It was by the merit of the pious women in the generation of the oppression that our ancestors were redeemed from Egypt. The women were determined that the heritage of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob not perish from this earth. When they went to draw water, the Holy One, blessed be He, summoned little fishes into their pitchers. They drew half water and half fish. They came home and placed two kettles on the stove, one to prepare hot water and the other for cooking fish. Them they carried the kettles out to the fields to their husbands and washed them, anointed them, fed them and gave them to drink and lay with them between the kettles.8

What species were these little fishes which our ancestors found so delectable during their sojourn in the land of Egypt? To our amazement, the evidence that has been preserved permits us to identify them and to conclude that some of the varieties that are used in the preparation of gefilte fish today are the very same species that were present in the Nile delta thousands of years ago. Thus, the Egyptologist Ingrid Gamer-Wallert reaches the following conclusion:

It appears that the composition of the fish population of Egypt did not substantially change in the last five millenia. More than 30 species can be proven for Ancient Egypt and these still exist today in the waters of the Nile.9

These varieties include carp, pike and mullet, and while these carp and pike families are not of the genus used in the Sabbath meal, the mullet (genus Mullet Mugilidae cephalus) is exactly the same fish that we use in the preparation of our present-day gefilte fish blend. A truly remarkable phenomenon. …

The starting point of our investigation of the fish meal in ancient Egypt is the passage in Numbers cited above: “In Egypt we had fish, cucumbers, water-melons, and leeks, onions and garlic.” Don Isaac Abarbanel, the Jewish Minister of

6 Reprinted from Judaism magazine pp. 418-431 ??

7 Anatole Broyard, “When an Invitation Isn’t …” NY Times, May 10, 1979 8 Sotah, 11b.9 Aegyptologische Abhandlungen (Wiesbaden, 1970), Vol. 21.

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Finance to the Portuguese Court, in his Bible commentary written in the early 16th century, takes the Hebrew word eth in the context of our verse to signify “with.” They Israelites in Egypt, writes Abarbanel, cooked fish with cucumbers, melons (or better, squash), leeks onions and garlic in order to improve the poor taste of their ration. In other words, the Bible here gives us the first recorded recipe for fish cookery.

In The Era Of The TalmudThe Jews-like the Greeks-loved fishfood and were connoisseurs. Said Rabbi

Yose ben Halafta (quoted in the famous Bible commentary of Rashi, on Genesis 1:10): “The taste of fish that comes up in Acco cannot be compared to the taste of fish that is caught in neighboring Sidon, and the taste of fish from Sidon does not compare to the taste of fish from neighboring Aspamia.” Because of this predilection of the Jews for fish it was the custom to honor the Sabbath with a fish meal on Friday night, at the beginning of the Sabbath.10

Rav Yehudah said in the name of Rav: He who delights in the Sabbath will be granted his heart’s desire, as it has been said: “Delight in God and He will grant your heart’s desire” (Psalms 37:4). This delight in God shall be understood by reference to the prophet Isaiah: “You shall call the Sabbath a delight,” and it concerns, therefore, the delight in the Sabbath.

How does one delight in the Sabbath? Rav Yehudah, son of Rav Samuel bar Shilat said in the name of Rav: With a course of spinach-beets, large fish and garlic cloves. Rav Hiyya bar Ashi said in the name of Rav: Even a modest meal, if prepared in the honor of the Sabbath, is a delight. What might this be? Said Rav Papa: A pie of fish-hash (small fish prepared with flour and fish jelly) (Shabbat 188b).

Even the poorest of the poor were entitled to the Friday night fish-meal from the public kitchen: “When may those who possess less than fifty shekels have the dish of vegetables and fish? Every Friday night of the Sabbath.”11

Talmudic laws regulating the relations of employer and worker take into consideration the need to prepare the Sabbath meal. In general, the worker who is hired for a full day must travel on his own time, so that he can start at his task by day-break. However, it is understood by both parties that the employer must let him leave every day in time to reach his home by night-fall. What about Fridays?

Rabbi Ammi said in the name of Resh Lakish: On Friday afternoon the employer has to let his workers off in time so that they can draw a barrel of water and fry a fish, before lighting the Sabbath candles (Genesis Rabba 72, 3).

No one is to consider himself exempt from the obligation of preparing for the Sabbath. The Talmud records that even the great masters did menial labor to prepare the home in honor of the Sabbath: “Rava (the famous Head of the Academy in Mehosa) salted the turbot (he seasoned the fish in honor of the Sabbath).”12 The custom of honoring the Sabbath with fish is also stressed in the Aggadah, the moral tales of the Sages where we see that people were regarded as especially praiseworthy in the eyes of God if, at any cost, they got fish for sacred occasions. The story of “Joseph, Who Honored the Sabbath,”13 tells us how a rich pagan was warned that his neighbor, Joseph, would some day eat up all his possessions. To safeguard himself, the pagan sold all that he had and bought a single pearl. Unfortunately he then lost the pearl in a lake where it was swallowed by a fish which was later caught and sold to Joseph. Joseph found the pearl and 10 The oldest reference linking fish and the Sabbath is in Neh. 13:16 where we are told that the Tyrians sold fish in Jerusalem on that day until the practice was stopped by Nehemiah.11 Tosefta, end of tractate Reah, and Maimonides, Laws of Charity 7, 8.12 Shabbat 119a.13 Ibid.

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sold it for a fortune. The moral of the story is pointed out: “He who lends to the Sabbath is repaid by the Sabbath.”

A second story14 brings out the same moral:A pious man in Rome held the Sabbaths and festal days much in

honor. On the eve of the Day of Atonement he went shopping in the market but found only a fish, which the servant of the Prefect also wanted to buy. They bid against each other, until finally the Jew got the fish, but at a gold denar per pound. When, at dinner, the Prefect heard why no fish came to the table he had the Jew who, he presumed, was wealthy, called before him. The Jew came, and represented himself as a tailor.

“And a tailor eats fish at a gold denar per pound?”“My lord, permit me to speak!”“Speak,” said the Prefect.“We have a day which is more precious to us than all days of the

year. All the sins which we have committed during the whole year are forgiven us on this day. Therefore we honor this day more than all the days of the year.”

Then said the Prefect: “You have justified yourself and are free.”How did God repay the man who thus honored the festival? He had him

find a valuable pearl in the fish, from the sale of which he supported himself for the rest of his life.15

We know that the Jewish custom of eating fish on the Sabbath eve was noted by the Romans, for it is alluded to in a rather obscure anti-Semitic stanza in a long poem by Persius:

But when Herod’s birthday is come, and the lamps (like on every Sabbath and Holiday—E.F.), put in the greasy windows along with violets, emit their unctuous clods of smoke and when the tail of a floats curled round a red dish, and the white jar is bulging with wine, you move your lips in silence and turn pale at the circumcised Sabbath.16

On a more earthly level, fish also served as an aphrodisiac and, especially in later periods, as a symbol of fertility, a protection against the evil eye and as an omen for bringing good luck. All of these ancillary meanings are based on ideas already present in Talmudic literature.

The Age Of Mysticism: Kabbalah…The Zohar, the holy book of the Kabbalah, in a lesson extolling the Sabbath meal, opens the passage by calling Israel “sons of the royal palace.”17 They are guests, as it were, at the Sabbath table, the mystic table of God, the King, and of the Sabbath Queen. In this sense we must understand the severe reprimand and punishment for those who, as lese majeste, slight the Sabbath table, and the happiness and reward that, according to the Zohar, await those who honor the Sabbath table.

The Book of Delight of the Days, (Sepher Hemdat HaYamim) which has been called the most beautiful book of Lurianic Kabbalah18, is a treasury of lore and ethical exhortation concerning the mitzvot of Friday night. In the first chapter the author writes:

The custom is to eat fish on the Sabbath because then there is a proliferation of (mystical) sparks that must be channeled and elevated by the power of the holiness of the Sabbath.

This is a reference to the transmigration of souls in fish. The Holy Or ha-Hayyim, a Sephardic kabbalistic Bible commentator, is also of the view (in his commentary 14 Genesis Rabba, Chapter II also quoted by Tosafot Ketubot 5 a; V. ela me-atah.15 These two stories are rendered here largely as translated by Goodenough, Jewish Symbols in the Greco-Roman Period., Vol. 5, p. 44.16 Persius, Satire, V. 180-184.17 Zohar II, 25218 Gershom G. Scholem, Major Trends in Jewish Mysticism (New York: Schocken Books, 1961), p. 285.

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on Genesis 1:26) that the souls (gilgul), prefers to eat fish rather than meat, precisely because souls that have been condemned to be reincarnated in lower forms of life will never enter the body of a fish, but only the bodies of warm-blooded animals. Hence, fish are preferred for the Sabbath meal.

An excerpt from the previously mentioned writing of the Holy scholar “Shelah” will serve to conclude this brief review of kabbalistic thought on the Sabbath meal:

Those who thoughtlessly fill their bellies, going for the pleasant taste and the intoxicating drink, and then because of the excess of eating fall into a stupor and their mind gets confused – they do not delight in the Sabbath, rather they delight themselves in the Sabbath. Therefore, one should measure one’s actions wisely. A person can eat and drink properly without filling up one’s belly, because the latter is not called Rest and Delight, but waste of food and destruction of one’s health. It is also harmful to the soul because one is unable to study the Law and perform the commandments after overeating. The idea is to eat and to drink, in good spirit and with joy, food that is wholesome, properly prepared and seasoned and easily digestible – small quantities but food quality, as long as one does not stuff oneself. One may even drink two or three cups of wine to cheer the heart – everything depends on the individual’s ability to hold his drink – and then one gets up, with the satisfaction of a good meal, to start an arranged program of study, or to nap briefly in order to rest one’s head and limbs a little and then one sits down to study. Abudraham wrote that one of the reasons for the traditional three Sabbath meals is to avoid stuffing oneself at any one meal. For, by knowing that there will be three meals during the day, there is no need to overindulge at any one of them. It is the holy Sabbath and it shall be used to cling to holiness.19

The Age Of Enlightenment: Old Vienna

Moritz Gottlieb Saphir was a contemporary of Heine. Born into a Yiddish-speaking, Orthodox family in a small town near Budapest, and having attended yeshivot in Pressburg and Prague, he later abandoned traditional Judaism and eventually was baptized as a Lutheran…. In a nostalgic autobiography he devotes several pages to “Jewish fish.”

Lucullus, (he muses), got quite far in gastronomy, Pompey was no slouch either and he paid to M. Aufidius Lucro, who had invented a technique for fattening peacocks, the sum of 60,000 sesterces; Apicius invented the art of fattening pigs with figs, Vitellius was the first to dine on pies made with nightingale tongues; he paid 2,000 sesterces for a single Swedish nightingale…however, none of these virtuosos of culinary art and gluttony had any idea of the hautgout, the peculiar charm of the Jewish cuisine. Lord Protector Cromwell once dined with the famous Manasseh Ben Israel and he admitted that he had never eaten so delightful a meal.

Delightful indeed! That must have contained garlic! Whether you call them Brown Carp with Jew-sauce, or Jew-fish, the sweet-sour Jewish fish are world-famous. Once upon a time I tendered a “sweet-sour Jew-fish dinner” to my Gentile literary friends in Munich. I placed a platter of “sour Jew-fish heads” in front of them and I made a little speech:

Gentlemen! I have invited you all to join me for “sour-Jew-fish heads.” You met here for this tete-a-tete and, before we dig in, permit me a few words. Jews and fish have great sympathy for one another. Jews like to eat fish and fish like to eat Jews, as we know from the famous fish that swallowed a whole Jew, from head to toe, for a snack. Of course, he returned him unharmed….But the Jews love fish so much

19 Shelah loc, cit. – Isaiah ben Abraham Horowitz, Shnei Luchot haBrit (Jerusalem 1963 Part I, pp.97-98)

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because, when they wanted to cross the Red Sea, the fish suddenly started to swallow so much water, that the Jews were able to cross dry land, and when Pharaoh arrived, the fish gave all the water off again, drowning the pursuers.

For this reason the Jews, out of gratitude, invite the fish on every Sabbath and holiday. But Jews themselves have so often been invited guests, only to be fleeced and cleaned out, that they do the same to their own guests, the fish! They remove the scales, they clean them out, and then they finish them off. Look here, gentlemen, these are extraordinarily good fish-heads! For, what is characteristic of a good head? To make life sweet for oneself, even in a sour mess. So one has to sweeten the sour sauce with raisins, almonds, nuts, a little celery and spices to remove some of the bitterness. And then the fish-heads become tasty and inviting!20

The Fish Meal in Hebrew and Yiddish Song, in Art and Literature

Tatenyu, father dear,What is going to be served at the banquet that the Messiah has in store for

us?My child,The Leviathan is going to be servedAt the great banquet for the righteous people of Israel.

Gefilte Fish

In the last two hundred years or so the custom has taken over to eat the Sabbath fish as gefilte fish. That phrase is, of course, the Yiddish for stuffed fish. In the original version of this delicacy, the fish was chopped, mixed with flour and condiments, and this filling was used to stuff the skin of the fish. The whole was then cooked, cut into slices and served. In the modern version, in which the dish has reached this country, the skin is discarded and gefilte fish is the end result of the blending of several varieties of sweet water fish with onions, eggs, matzo meal and condiments, simmered in a broth of fish trimmings, vegetables and spices. While there are several variations of the basic recipe, depending on the origin of the cook and his or her skill, there are two main schools of gefilte fish cooking: the litvishe, the way the Jews from Lithuania or litvacks like it, which is unsweetened, but well seasoned with salt and pepper, and the galitsianer version, preferred by Jews originating in Austria or Galicia, who like theirs generously sweetened with a heavy dose of sugar.

An important reason why fish, rather than meat, became the preferred Sabbath fish dish was economics. Impoverished Jewish communities could hardly have afforded meat on every ordinary Sabbath, but some kind of fish was usually available at prices that were within reach. The utilization of every morsel was important for a poor community, and in the making of gefilte fish the housewife could use every ounce. Moreover, gefilte fish was good whether served hot or cold, and since cooking was not permitted on the Sabbath, such a dish could be served either hot on Friday night or for a cold luncheon or supper on the following Sabbath day. We are reminded somehow, of the baked beans of the New England Puritans. The early American settlers, not permitting themselves to cook on the Christian Sabbath, developed a dish that could be put on the stove the previous day and allowed to simmer until Sunday dinner. Religious requirements and Yankee ingenuity combined to give us New England baked beans, just as east European Jews developed gefilte fish.

Religious law entered into the picture in yet another way. The Sabbath laws specify the preferred manner in which the edible part of a food shall be separated from the inedible portion, and even the manner in which the residue of

20 M. Saphir, Meine Mermoiren und Anderes

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a meal, such as the peelings and pits of a fruit or the bones and skin of fish, can be removed from the table is laid down in the rules. To do so according to the strictures of the halakhah requires learning which not everyone possessed and which could not be expected from the indigent guests who were often invited to the Sabbath table. All of these problems were eliminated by serving the fish in boneless and skinless portions.

“Come and let us give credit to Israel, the holy people,” writes a halakhic authority in the name of the Brisker Rav, “for establishing the custom of eating fish on the Sabbath in the form of stuffed fish, thereby eliminating all manner of religious scruples and doubts.”21 During the past thirty years, commercially prepared gefilte fish has increasingly filled this demand.

ConclusionAnd so the saga of our Jewish national dish, gefilte fish, continues. It

started with the story of the pious women in the land of Egypt, and ever since then the Sabbath fish meal has been a symbol of our will to national self-preservation, the perpetuation of the race, of Jewish identity, and of the love we feel towards our heritage.

Gefillte Fish: The Magical Mystery Fish22

 “There are many terrible and wondrous secrets about the rationale for eating fish on Shabbat and holidays …very deep are these matters and only a the tiniest aspect of them will I reveal.” 23

 A favorite Talmudic story tells of Yosef-Who-Honored-the-Shabbat – a man who would go to any length to bring home a fish for Shabbat and who was rewarded with a gem found inside the fish (TB Shabbat 118b).

 ]There was once a man named Joseph, who was known for observing the

Sabbath. He had a rich neighbor, a Gentile, whose property, according to a soothsayer's prediction, would eventually be passed on to Joseph, the Sabbath lover.

   To frustrate this prediction, the Gentile disposed of all of his valuables and with the funds from the sale purchased a rare jewel, which he affixed to his turban.  On crossing a bridge, the wind blew his turban into the river and a nearby fish swam toward it and swallowed the jewel.

The fish was eventually caught and brought to a Friday market, where, as luck would have it, was purchased by Joseph the Sabbath lover in honor of the forthcoming Sabbath celebration.  When Joseph cut the fish open, the jewel was discovered and Joseph sold it for many golden coins.

   An old man said to him, "You see, the Sabbath has repaid you in a most generous way for all that you have spent on it ".

)Talmud Shabbat 119a(  Many children’s tales of Eastern European Jewish grandmothers include the story of the carp in the bathtub, kept fresh until Shabbat or Rosh Hashanah when bubbe would make “gefillte fish.” “Gefillte” means stuffed fish and it is often ground without bones before Shabbat since a strict reading of the law forbids one to separate out bones from fish on Shabbat. Jews became so concerned to buy fish on Thursday or Friday that the non-Jewish fishmongers often raised their prices artificially, knowing their customers had no choice. 21 Neuwirth, Shemirat Shabbat Kehilkhata (Jerusalem: Feldheim, 1965), p. 2422 based on Moshe Halamish, Eating Fish on Shabbat,” Hakabbalah – BaTefillah, BaHalacha, uvaMinhag,  p. 486ff, 200, Bar Ilan University23 Shmuel Yosef Agnon, Israeli Nobel prize winner for Literature (Mazal Dagim, p.630)

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Therefore, in many communities the rabbis established a prohibition on buying fish for Shabbat whenever the price went too high. The Lubavitcher Rebbe Schneor Zaman Milyadi summarized the law: If the non-Jews raise the price of fish so that many people cannot afford to buy fish for Shabbat, then one should enact a prohibition that prevents any Jew from buying fish from them for a few Shabbatot until the price comes down; then everyone can afford to keep the mitzvah of Oneg Shabbat / “enjoying themselves” on Shabbat. 24         In Jerusalem, in the year 1902, the Rabbi of Jerusalem posted the following proclamation:

An Announcement and a Great Warning from all the rabbis- Mitnagdim and Hassidim

 We have heard about the cruelty, the insults and contempt for our brothers, the children of Israel, in the fresh fish market. The prices were raised over one’s head and anyone who tried to bargain down the price was beaten cruelly, cursed and our religion publicly abused. Therefore we forbid any Jew to approach the fish market until the fishmongers promise never to repeat such behavior (14th of Tevet 5662).25 

The Secret Meanings of Fish

What’s so great about fish? Why go to such lengths to bring it to eat at the Shabbat table? We know that Jews are obligated to prepare special tasty dishes for Shabbat -- but why have they preferred fish more than any other food since the Roman period and even more so in the era of Hassidim?

1-Fertility God blessed the fish above all other animals with the same blessing given to humans (Genesis 1:22): “God blessed them and said: Be fruitful and multiply and fill the water of the seas.”  Jacob then blessed his grandsons Menashe and Ephraim (whose name means ‘be fruitful’) with the fish blessing – “Multiply like the fish in the midst of the land” (Genesis 48:16).  Many Eastern European boys were granted the double name – Ephraim Fishel. Medieval Jews often ate fish on the day after their wedding as a sign of fertility.26Therefore, on Shabbat evening when lovemaking is mandated, one eats fish and garlic, which increases one’s seed (TB Baba Kama 82a). Incidentally, fish are also considered an antidote to the evil eye.

2- Heaven and Hell. A tradition promises that the righteous will eat a giant fish - Leviathan – in the world to come and a popular riddle suggests that  “anyone who eats fish (DaG) on D+G day will be saved from D.G.”This riddle is easily solved: DaG = fish; D+G = the numerical equivalent of the third and fourth letter of the Hebrew alphabet, 3+4=7 so that is the seventh day, Shabbat, when fish should be consumed; then the result will be redemption from D.G. = Din Gehinom, the sentence of Hell.27

3- Redeeming Lost Souls. The Kabbalist tradition assigns an important redemptive task to those who eat fish on Shabbat, especially at Seudah Shlishit.  Some kabbalists believe that the souls, sometimes of great tzaddikim, righteous men, are often reincarnated in fish until they finish their 24 Shulchan Aruch HaRav O.H. 242:1

25 Halamish, ibid, p. 494

26 Rabbi Elazar Worms, Sefer Rokeach 35427 Halamish, ibid. p. 493

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cycles of deaths and rebirths. They hold that, with the power of the extra soul granted on Shabbat, the ones eating fish can succeed in saving the soul sparks imprisoned in the fish and returning the soul to heaven, if they have the proper spiritual intention. 28

Ode to Cholent by Henrich Heine29

(a parody on Schiller’s Ode to Joy set to music by Beethoven)

Holy Cholent, dish celestial,Daughter of Elysium:If he’d only tasted cholent,Schiller would have changed his hymn.

God devised and God deliveredUnto Moses from on high,And commanded us to savorCholent for eternity.

One Pot Meals, Shabbat Stew or Cholent by Kay Kantor Pomerance

We are definitely in the midst of a cholent revival. Every time I mentioned to anyone that I was writing a cholent cookbook, the response was overwhelmingly enthusiastic. Now that I've written three cookbooks about cholent, that's all I ever hear about! What accounts for the popularity of cholent, that delicious Shabbat stew with a history? No one knows for sure. Perhaps, in part, a return to our roots and that more people are observing tradition. Possibly due to the convenience, economy and desirability of one-pot meals. When rediscovered, cholent is new, yet traditional, filling yet healthful, gourmet yet earthy.  Best of all, cholent is easy to prepare for even the inexperienced cook. It can be stretched to feed many extra guests. It can be re-heated should there be any leftovers and will not dry out when microwaved. It is guaranteed to provide interesting dinner conversation and provoke nostalgic churnings. I have never served cholent without hearing guests' secret family stories or recipes or learning of a special Shabbat remembrance.

Although Jewish law prohibits kindling a fire on Shabbat (from sundown Friday to sundown Saturday) it is nevertheless considered a mitzvah to eat a hot meal at midday on Saturday. In fact, over the centuries, Jews throughout the world have worked out a number of ingenious solutions for this dilemma. All involve food cooking overnight at a very low heat. In the past, a hot fire was started in the baker's oven (or home oven) before Shabbat and then left to slowly cook itself out over a long period of time. In order to keep the cholent warm, it is partially cooked in a heavy pot on Friday-half or at least one-third cooked-and then a short while before Shabbat placed in a low oven, on a blech (a metal sheet placed over a low fire) on top of the stove, or more recently acceptable, in a crock pot, until it is ready to be used. Cholent was and remains a favorite Shabbat dish because its flavor is improved by long, slow cooking. It may be served as a main course or as a side dish. Its consistency when done is thick, without liquid, but not quite dry.

Cholent has been a popular dish throughout the world:

28 Chemdat Yamim I chapter 8:57 b; the Seer of Lublin; and Halamish p. 497-499(29 Cited in The Pity of it All by Amos Elon, p.8

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Ashkenazi Jews prepare the traditional beef, bones, barley, beans, potatoes, and onions and season with paprika.

Sephardi Jews often use lamb instead of beef and rice instead of barley. Syrian Jews place the mixture inside a hollowed-out pumpkin or squash.

Oriental Jews prefer chicken instead of beef, and often add chicken gizzards and season with cardamon and mint.

Afghani Jews season their cholent with cinnamon and add fresh quinces. North Africans often add chickpeas and kasha. In Turkey and North Africa there is a tradition of placing eggs in their

shells with the cholent. Even with the wide range of ingredients and seasonings, all cholent requires ingredients that can endure lengthy, slow cooking. Most Jewish communities have in common a desire to add a knaidel, kugel or stuffed kishke within the cholent pot.  Most fascinating in my research to find the perfect cholent was the realization (however unscientific) that each cholent is a universe unto itself.  In addition to seeking new flavors and taste sensations, most cholent-makers also wish to connect to the past and rekindle a fondly remembered tradition.

See her recipe books: Come For Cholent, Come For Cholent Again, Come For Everything But Cholent by Kay Kantor Pomerantz (Bloch Publishing)

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D. Parents and Children Celebrating Shabbat Together

Better a broken bone than a broken spirit. --Lady Allen Hurtwood

Parental Guidelines: Shabbat Hints for Families with Young Childrenby Noam Zion and Shira Ackerman-Simchovitch

Parents are the “high priests” of informal Jewish family education and their homes are the “temples” for a wealth of learning experiences. With an appropriate vision and plenty of ideas for games and activities, parents and children can create wonderful Jewish memories and personalized family traditions for Shabbat.

To help develop your family vision for Shabbat, consider the following four areas:

Creating Family RitualsShopping and Cooking Together and the Shabbat ShelfTelling Jewish stories

Keeping Time: Marking your CalendarMastering basic informationPlaying with Fire: Attractions and Hazards

Creating Family Rituals By involving our children in shaping our family traditions and

preparing ritual objects and special foods, we can create family memories that will last a lifetime. Activities like cooking for Shabbat and preparing decorations for the table are part of preparations for a family observance that involves informal occasions for learning and sharing between parent and child. Younger children love to get into the holiday spirit by looking at photo albums of themselves or even their parents as children celebrating Shabbat. They often ask their parents to recall what they were doing when they were the same age as the child is now. Families can create Shabbat albums, which document the stages of Shabbat preparation and celebration as well as the guests who came over on special occasions. There is such simplicity to a ritual and its reliable repetition every week can be very reassuring.

Shopping and Cooking Together and the Shabbat ShelfTell your children about Shammai the 2000 year old scholar who loved to shop. He used to do his Shabbat shopping all week long.

On every day of his life Shammai ate in honor of Shabbat. How? When he chanced upon a nice piece of meat [in the market, he would purchase it and] declare, “This is for Shabbat.” If, on the following day, he found an even more desirable piece of meat, he would set the second piece side [for Shabbat] and eat the first [during the week]. …From the first day of the week direct your efforts towards Shabbat. (TB Beitza 16a)

Before the shopping trip choose one or two special Shabbat treats. In our family there is special chocolate pudding with whipped cream, which we save for Shabbat morning. Others have special cookies. When you bring these special foods home, create for them a Shabbat shelf as the Jews in Afghanistan do. Make a clear decorative sign, so no one will touch them but everyone will look forward to them. Some families make hot dogs their special child’s menu for Shabbat. Even if it seems simple, it may be exactly the Shabbat pleasure to which the child looks forward.

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Not only for the treats but for the Shabbat dinner itself, parents can invite their children to help prepare the foods. Begin by reviewing recipes from a well-stained Jewish cookbook and perhaps then print out the recipe and begin a family holiday cookbook. The children can illustrate the recipe book.. After the preparing the food, the children can prepare Shabbat place mats or an illustrated menu added to the setting at the table.

Wendy Mogel, in her beautiful book on raising self-reliant children in the light of Jewish teachings, explains and models the kind of parent-child activities associated with preparing Shabbat:

Judaism commands us to perform hiddur miztvot, to beautify the commandments, to go the extra mile. By preparing special foods and setting the table with special care for Shabbat dinner, the mystics say that we get a taste of the world to come.

At our house, everybody gets involved in the Shabbat dinner preparations. My husband does the cooking. I cut the flowers from the garden and the children arrange them and set the table with the ritual objects: kiddush cup, candles, and challah. We don’t have exciting deserts during the week but for Shabbat dinner I take down an etched glass cake stand with a pedestal and put on a paper doily. It’s my younger daughter’s job to arrange the bakery cookies or rugalach or fruit tart on the stand. Shabbat dinner is a big production that I woud never consider doing on a daily basis. But it caps our week, slows us down, and draws us together in a powerful way. (Wendy Mogel, The Blessing of Skinned Knee, p. 170-171)

Keeping Time: Marking your Calendar

Essential to Shabbat is not only what you do on that day, but how you prepare and what expectations are generated. Make a calendar for the refrigerator or mark a large wall calendar with the child’s help. Show your child how long it will be before Shabbat or an upcoming holiday or a birthday.

Shabbat Gifts and Surprises

Besides edible treats, Shabbat is a wonderful time to bring each other little gifts. In our family the hallah cover hides not only the hallah but such a surprise. Often we buy a family game that can be played after dinner and then we place it under the bread board under the two hallot. Children love to give as well as to get gifts – especially arts and crafts projects. Uncovering the gift as we begin to eat the hallah serves as wonderful occasion for giving them the attention they have earned by creating these gifts. School children’s report cards might suitably be placed under the hallah cover – if the results are complimentary to the children. Don’t mix Shabbat pleasures with comments about the need to improve and work harder. Remember that children must be givers as well as receivers of gifts and gifts should include not only store-bought items but also handmade products and gifts of the heart.

Remember that Shabbat is itself a gift. “The Holy One said to Moses, "I have a precious gift in my treasure house, called the Sabbath, and I desire to give it to Israel. Go and inform them" (TB Shabbat 10b).

Making Ritual Objects, the Shabbat Play Corner and Setting the Dinner Table

In the playroom or the child’s bedroom create a Shabbat corner with play candle sticks, hallah cover, wine cup, table cloth, dishes as well as a Havdalah candle

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and spicebag. Find music cassettes of Shabbat songs that the child can play or tape with the child the Kiddush or favorite Jewish nursery school Shabbat songs. The child can play Shabbat any time during the week rehearsing what will be coming at the end of the week. Friday afternoons are particularly good times to rehearse. My children used to move their Shabbat playthings to the kitchen table while we cooked.

Setting the family Shabbat table can be fun. Try thematic decorations like masks on the table on the Shabbat before Purim or miniature toy animals on the Shabbat of Noah and the flood. In my family the children love to fold paper napkins in interesting ways as well as set up the candles in the candesticks. They also enjoy silver polishing of the candle sticks which we do only before major holidays.

For the family’s Shabbat ritual items you may wish to take a page out of the best practices in many Jewish nursery schools. There they have a Shabbat box with all you need for Shabbat. A family can create such a box or shelf, decorate it and use it to store: candles, candle sticks, matches; wine or grape juice, Kiddush cups; a hallah cover, hallah knife, bread board; Shabbat song tapes and booklets with the blessings and a kippah.

For those parents and children who enjoy arts and crafts projects consider making simple or more complex Jewish ritual objects. Recall the Tabernacle / Mishkan in the desert was created by inviting all Jews with talent and with materials to contribute according to their hearts’ desire, so as to create together a sacred space “for the Divine to dwell in our midst.” In order to make our own candlesticks or Kiddush cup or Havdalah set, the children can begin by studying picture books of Jewish ritual objects. This can be turned into a game by asking the child to see how many different materials, shapes or decorative motifs can be found. For example, when working on Shabbat candlesticks, you may wish to begin by displaying and contrasting all sorts of candles (for Hanukkah, for welcoming Shabbat and Havdalah marking the end of Shabbat, and for yahrzeit marking the memorial of a relative, as well as candles for birthdays).

Generally it is recommended to use high quality materials in the children’s arts and crafts projects. This will help both the children and the adults to take these art projects more seriously, since children deeply desire to have their work recognized, praised and preserved. Perhaps a special Shabbat box should be prepared and saved from week to week. These homemade objects become heirlooms, an integral part of the family traditions. Beware of throwing out arts and crafts creations without the child’s permission, lest they suspect that you do not really value their contribution to the holiday. Each child should be able to participate in the actual candle lighting ceremony in so far as that does not raise safety concerns. Cleaning up afterwards should also be part of their responsibility.

Telling Shabbat Stories

Storytelling is a way not only to convey information about Jewish tradition but also to engage the child’s emotions and imagination. Our national memories become part of the personal inventory of images that remain at the child’s disposal for a lifetime.

Educators such as Kieran Egan suggest that narrative drama is the prime way by which children understand the world. Even exotic tales, which seem far from the child’s daily experience, are readily comprehended when placed in a story-like form. The psychologist Bruno Bettelheim assures us that scary characters like Pharaoh are particularly appropriate for younger children who are trying to work out the good and the bad, the secure and the fearful in their worlds. To read about a formidable enemy who is ultimately defeated provides

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them with the hope and faith that they will be able to overcome difficult situations in their own lives.

In order for stories to be most thoroughly integrated into the child’s world of imagination, they need, not only to be heard but retold, rehearsed and processed in many ways. This retelling might take the form of drawing pictures illustrating a portion of the story after it has been read out loud, of retelling it with hand puppets, of acting it out with dialogue or recreating the scene in Lego or clay. A parent may wish to stop reading in the middle of the story and ask the children what ending each might add or what would happen if something different had occurred than what historians tell us actually happened. Before Shabbat a child might even write a letter or record on tape an oral telephone call to one of the characters in the Torah story read on that week. Some parents read the Sedra Scene scripts for each weekly reading (see bibliography??)

A fixed time adds to storytelling a ritual power. Set a storytelling hour – whether after candle lighting or at bedtime or right after dinner. Here the child has control over the world of parents, a time for him or her with the parent on Shabbat. A set place as well as time makes this sacred in the same way Shabbat is made sacred by fixing its time, it place and its mandated activity.

Building a Home Library for Jewish Holidays

Parents may decide to create a Jewish holiday bookshelf beginning with Shabbat, Pesach and Hanukkah. Decide on a sum or number of books to be purchased before each holiday and work with your children and their grandparents, uncles and aunts to build up a prominently displayed collection of books of Jewish interest. Another suggestion is to have an outing with your children and their friends to a big comfortable bookstore where you can get a cup of coffee and cookies, read a few stories and maybe purchase a book for your Bible collection. Jewish bookstores and synagogues often have story hour

Mastering Basic Information

Mastering the facts and the rituals gives children a tremendous feeling of power in the best sense. Their broad and sometimes confusing world becomes more ordered and subject to their control when they understand how and why. Perhaps this explains the desire of school age children to be quizzed and to quiz others. Knowing Shabbat and Torah facts and information contributes to that sense of ownership, success and recognition which children often crave. An outing to the local Jewish museum can provide an enjoyable visual survey of the Shabbat and holiday traditions and their ritual objects. For many years our Shabbat table involved a simple quiz with ten questions asked either by parent and siblings to the child or by the child to the parents and guests. Prizes were guaranteed whatever the outcome. A favorite desert or ice cream or candy bar was always available. Playing with Fire: Attractions and Hazards

For young children as well as adults there is an intrinsic attraction to the fire so central to the Shabbat candle lighting. Therefore, parents must find a way to allow the child’s fascination to express itself and yet to guarantee their safety. This begins with choosing candlesticks of inflammable materials - beware of wood and plastic - and preparing a secure table, perhaps covered in aluminum foil, at a safe distance from curtains and books. Establish rules about long loose hair near a flame and about lighting multiple candle sticks when several people with a burning candle may be anxiously reaching over one another and over already lit candles in order to reach their candles. Some arts and crafts and cooking projects

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require parental supervision due to sharp instruments or frying pans of oil. Each family will need to find their own balance between the pleasures of “playing with fire” and the obligation to preserve life and limb.

The Blessing of Time: Teaching Your Child the Value of the Present Moment

by Wendy Mogel30

We are an ambitious and industrious generation of parents, but the combination of these two potentially fine traits pollutes our relationship to time. The future flips into the past amid a blur of weary winter-morning wake-ups, lists of spelling words and multiplication tables to help the children memorize, karate lessons, birthday parties, play dates. Torah teaches that God has put us in the role of caretakers of the world, not masters. As caretakers of the gift of time we are obliged to use it well. But what does that mean?

To most people, using time well means knowing how to squeeze more out of it. Yet managing time by squeezing it harder doesn’t work when you’re raising children, because the variables change too quickly. Just when you’ve perfected one schedule, a new troop of friends, sports, or classes pops up on the horizon. Many parents are surprised to discover that as their children grow older, organizing their lives gets more, not less, time-consuming. There’s more homework, more social pressures, the soccer games are farther away. As activities pile up, parents scramble to improve their time-management skills, usually to little avail.

Time can be seen as a resource to be utilized or a treasure to be enjoyed. Judaism asks parents to do both. If we focus our energy exclusively on scheduling activities and monitoring homework, we won’t get to treasure the moments we have with these cosmic creatures, our children. We won’t hear their amazing observations, or notice their radiant beauty. We won’t stop moving long enough to see them or hear them. ...The big paradox is that slowing down the clock takes as much effort and concentration as getting things done. In order to use time well we must work to protect it assiduously as we guard our children’s health or promote their education. How? Judaism has a blueprint for rest, reflection, and renewal. It is called Shabbat.

Shabbat: The Mystical Power of a Weekly Day of Rest

“More than Israel has kept the Sabbath, the Sabbath has kept Israel.” Ahad Ha’am

The rabbis were mindful of the dangers of a hurried life. Fortunately, they had a powerful antidote ready-made. God had commanded it right up front. Just minutes after creating time itself, God created a means of protecting it.

God worked very hard. In six days he made the heavens above, earth, day, night, man, woman, hummingbirds, fruit trees, lizards, bees, all the mighty throng. God then sized up his efforts: “God was pleased, he saw that his work was good.” Check out this attitude. None of our perfectionist, it’s-never-good-enough anxiety, no workaholism, no 24-7. He liked what he saw. Now watch what happens next.

“On the sixth day God completed all the work he had been doing, and on the seventh day God ceased from all his work. God blessed the seventh day and made it holy because on that day God ceased from all the work that God had

30 The Blessing of a Skinned Knee by Wendy Mogel, Penguin Compass, pgs. 209-215, 219-221, 227, 234 www.wendymogel.com

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set about to do” (Genesis 2:2-3).

There’s the critical phrase--“all the work that God had set about to do ” The job God planned had a beginning and an end. When God was finished, God stopped and rested for a whole entire day. Not long after this, God commanded everybody else to do the same thing. “Six days you shall labor and do all your work, but the seventh day is a Sabbath of the Lord your God.” (Exodus 20).

In The Art of Jewish Living: The Shabbat Seder, Ron Wolfson explains the rules we follow to accomplish the work of spiritual renewal:

What is forbidden on Shabbat is any act that changes the physical world: when

we rest on Shabbat, we stop manipulating nature, we stop building and moving and changing the physical. This makes Shabbat a time to focus on the eternal,

on that which cannot be changed through human action. Even nature is given a

day free from the interference of humankind. Much of the job of preparing the

home for Shabbat is done so that we do not have to “work” during the holiday.

Rabbi Marc Sirinsky, in Ecology and the Jewish Spirit: Where Nature and the Sacred Meet, compares Shabbat’s sense of timelessness to river rafting or being in the wilderness. Preparing for such a trip--finding the right maps, inspecting equipment, packing the car--is so much trouble you wonder if it’s worth the effort. You have to work so hard to prepare to stop. But once on the river, with no watches or other obligations, time can unfold and expand in a natural rhythm. Rabbi Sirinsky says that in “river time,” as in Shabbat, we have a chance to experience the neshama yetera , the additional soul. What is the nature of this additional soul? Traditional Jewish mystical writings teach that “with the Sabbath soul [the neshamah yeterah] sadness and anger are forgotten. Joy reigns on high and below.” During Shabbat and in nature, where God’s handiwork is most palpable, we have a chance to capture this feeling.

Holy Downtime at my House

In parenting classes, I recommend using Shabbat as a model of sanctifying time. I introduce the topic by telling the story of how my family’s Shabbat ritual evolved slowly, in baby steps. We started with small changes. One Friday night about twelve years ago we lit some candles, stumbled through a blessing, kissed each other, said, “Good Shabbos,” and went to the local Thai restaurant for a shrimp dinner. Nothing radical. The next week, we said Kiddush (blessing for the wine) over some Manischewitz Concord grape and then went back to the Thai restaurant. A month or two later, I baked a Hallah and we blessed it and stayed at home for dinner. A year and a half later we were home every Friday night for a full Shabbat dinner. We said the blessings over everything: the candles, the children, motherhood [Eishet Hayil], the sacred day. Over the years we have revised our rules of Shabbat observance to fit the needs of our family as the children have grown and matured.

The Too Wired Family

In an article titled “The Age of Interruption,” author Michael Ventura observed:

Interruption is increasingly taken for granted--both the right to interrupt others

and the expectation that one will be interrupted in turn. The individual’s time,

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already experienced as a cross between a labyrinth, a cage and a treadmill, is

now vulnerable to fragmentation without warning from any direction. All of this

makes for efficient communication and contact but it also allows the outside

world of work into our homes at all hours.

During Shabbat, many people feel that it’s legitimate to expect others to grant them a reprieve from interruptions. After awhile your friends and associates will accept that you don’t answer the phone or take care of business on Friday evenings or Saturday, and they’ll stop calling. You’ve gotten holy “permission” not to be available. But if the word of God is the only force powerful enough to overcome the cultural pressure to answer the phone, you’ll still be enslaved during the rest of the week. Without self-imposed limits on intrusions you won’t have a chance to be nourished or to nourish the other members of your family. You’ll be too wired….

British psychologist D. W. Winnicott had a theory about that. He wrote about “the manic defense against despair,” an apt description of what motivates some of our frantic activity. Winnicott believed that when people feel existential anxiety, an easy and effective way to squelch that feeling is to keep busy....Winnicott believed that we speed up our lives unintentionally in order to escape feeling helpless in the face of overwhelming problems or inner struggles.

This may explain why the idea of a whole day of rest is terrifying to so many people. We’re not afraid of losing time but of having time to reflect. Without the usual distractions and interference, we may have to confront feelings of disappointment, loneliness, frustration, panic, helplessness, and exhaustion, and our fear that we are not strong enough to make the changes we need to make….

[Shabbat then is an interruption of the our “life of interruptions.” A time to guard by forbidding ourselves to be distracted by unfinished work. This we pray will open our lives to reconnect with those around us].

What do you do when your child talks to you? Chances are, you keep doing what you were doing before she started in. This is especially true for parents of chatterbox children. But no matter how severe your child’s logorrhea, once each day, pay attention. Even if it’s just for two minutes, stop everything else you are doing, get down to her eye level, and put your hand on her shoulder. Look at her. Listen to her. If she’s not used to this she may ask you why you’re mad at her. Reassure her that you are just interested, just listening to what she’s saying.

[To create weekly space for listening, a sanctuary from existential anxiety, “holy down time” we need to commit to our own rules and then keep our own Shabbat, guard it and it will guard us.] Guarding time is not for the lazy or weak. It takes fierce devotion and commitment to protecting time alone with your spouse, uninterrupted family time, bedtime, downtime, and time around the table on Friday night. If we can guard this time, we are doing holy work and offering the children something that no one can buy. We are offering them ourselves, and we are showing them the path to a rich and meaningful life.

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Shabbat for Young Families… Learning, Growing and Memory-Making

By Julie Jaslow Auerbach

“Train a child in the way he should go and when he is old he will not depart from it.”

Proverbs 22:6

When children come into a family, doors open. Things parents never thought about must now be considered. Traditions that were held dear in one’s birth family may be kept or discarded, and new or embellished rituals now appear.

When my husband and I first married, we blended two rich traditions: European Jewry and third-generation America. My husband’s family got together every Friday night for Shabbos dinner; mine usually ate a quick dinner and went off to our Reform synagogue for services. When we married, I knew that I did NOT want to continue my family’s rush-rush tradition and was immediately drawn to the large and what I thought would be leisurely family dinner. Through the years, I learned that family members had their priorities and soon we were our own nuclear family in celebration of Shabbat. We set up some of our own rules (like when the children became teenagers they could not go out with their friends until after Shabbat dinner) and preserved our Friday night dinner as family night as best we could.

When children enter a family, parents receive a gift – to reevaluate and retune and breathe new life into traditions, for once we take on the rituals ourselves, they become ours. It is the memories of the sederim and the things done in each family that preserve Pesach as such an important holiday to American Jews. “Observance with no personal meaning attached to it atrophies,” Cohen and Eisen point out in their book The Jew Within31. The task of each family is to create the memories that will preserve their unique traditions. It is memory-making through family-created or reinforced rituals. And in today’s independence-valued world, that often means families creating new ways to interpret the traditional.

What follows are some suggested paths, resources and activities for families with young children guided by basic educational and developmental principles:

* Young children are often egocentric. Everything in their world revolves around them, their interests and their needs. But they need not remain there. The first paragraph of the Shema, V’ahavta, shows us concentric circles of family development. We start with ourselves (“You shall love the Lord your God…”) and then proceed to teaching your children (“You shall teach them diligently to your children…”) and lastly showing the world around (“when you sit by the way…”). As our children learn to respect us and to see how we concern ourselves with others’ needs, they too begin to transcend their natural self-centeredness. Shabbat offers children a place to try on and acquire this behavior as they help their family prepare and welcome guests.

* Shabbat opens up opportunities for families to preserve traditions through memory-creation. Yet it is also a chance to experiment with new ideas. We are all generations of learners. Trying something new is a good thing. We can model for our children that mistakes are okay as that is the way we ALL learn. The important thing is to try! Recall that each family is unique. What may work for your family, may not work for another. What works for your family at one stage of life might need revamping and experimentation at a later stage.

31 The Jew Within, Steven M. Cohen and Arnold M. Eisen, Indiana University Press, Bloomington, Indiana: 2000, p. 91.

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* Preparing is not what a good parent does for the child but with the child. Everyone needs to be involved in preparing for Shabbat, especially the young child, for this is the way s/he learns best. The young child can:

Prepare the Shabbat game box – an assortment of games that the family can play together over Shabbat.Go with you to the Library to choose his/her “Shabbat Books” on your way home together on Friday. Be “the people of the book” through the simple pleasure of reading over Shabbat.Sort coins for Tzedakah – parents can make a model of coins needed for 36 cents (double the numerical value of the letters of the Hebrew word Chai = “life”); child can later find and put money into the Tzedakah box.Make centerpieces that reflect week. Use clay to make a stabile, put cut flowers into a vase, draw on a small box, make a drawing and cover it with contact paper to make a placemat, etc. Make place cards or personalized napkin rings. 3x5 cards are great for the former, paper towel tubing or toilet paper rolls for the latter. My children did this at various times during their childhoods and we use them even today, years after they have grown up. Help decide the menu, shop and cook the meal. The decisions and the shopping are the easy part. But what can a 3 or 4 year-old do in a busy kitchen? S/he can: find the cooking utensils, mix things in a bowl, empty a bag of mix.Set the table. Preschoolers are used to setting a table for snack in their classrooms. Why not at home? Candles can be placed in the candlesticks and the kiddush cup and hallah can be set out by a little one. And, later, polishing can be done just as easily!

Getting into the Mood: Talking about Shabbat Images and then acting them out. Shabbat is rich with many images – Rabbi Abraham Joshua Heschel referred to Shabbat as both an “Island in time,” and a “Palace in time.” We speak of the Shabbat Queen and the Shabbat Bride and Shabbat as a “Taste of the world to come.” Practically, the day is the Day of rest, the Seventh day of the week. Take a moment as a family to talk about these images and what your child may make of the words. Can the images be drawn by your child and put on the refrigerator or used in creative preparation?

Find a special doll to be the Shabbat Queen. Can your child then make the house or palace for the Queen? Bring the doll out each Thursday to talk about the preparations for the Queen’s visit on Shabbat. Create Shabbat angel puppets together – recalling the Rabbinic story underlying the Friday night table song Shalom Aleichem about the good and the bad angel who come to visit our house every week. Which angel is your child feeling like this week?

By candlelight, by starlightAs the sun goes down, we prepare for the dark. When the candles are lit, encourage your child to use his/her imagination. What do you see? Watch the shadows that the light of the candles casts in the room. Use your imagination again. What do you see this time?

Go into a dark room with your family. Is it harder to talk? Listen? See? Eat? What senses do you use the most in the dark to compensate for the lack of light?

Count the light bulbs in your house. Which room has the most? Which room has the least? Why do you think this is so? How many different kinds of lights do you find in your house?

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Count the stars. In Parashat Lech Lecha, God took Abram outside and said, “’Look toward heaven and count the stars, if you are able to count them.’ And God added, ‘So shall your offspring be.’ (Genesis 15:5). Go outside and look at the stars. What do you think Abraham thought when he went outside as God told him to do?

Blessing the kidsMusician Sam Glaser was once asked how he was able to maintain his Jewish life even though he worked in pop music. His response was that he remembered his parents’ blessing him on Friday nights. Whether you used the traditional formula, given elsewhere in this book, or devise your own, we all need to hear praise and we all need to be blessed. Think of something special your child may have done during the week, or come up with a positive adjective for each letter in his/her name. Then ask the child: Can you find an adjective to describe your family beginning with each letter of your last name?

After the meal and throughout the dayWhat? No TV? Try games. The Shabbat game box assembled before Shabbat will have them. The quiet and the chance to really enjoy each other is good for all the family!Read to each other.Find jigsaw puzzles that will take an afternoon.Play a game of charades, even using Biblical stories.Take a Shabbat walk and talk about things you care about.Go to Services at your synagogue and take your child to Tot Shabbat. Then invite another family back for lunch. Set up a Shabbat family play date in advance. Playgroups do not only have to meet on weekdays!Shabbat Nap/Rest time. In this busy world of ours, it is good for a child to know how to rest. With a good book or listening to some nice music. Good habits start early.

Endings as important as beginnings.Havdalah is often omitted in the rush to get back to our usual workweek activities. But it is as important in the memory-creation to finish well, too. Especially if you have brought in the Shabbat Queen, your child will want to bid her farewell. We can do this ritually with the traditional ceremony. We can also do this with words that put the Shabbat Queen doll away, or a discussion about memories we want to take with us into the new week, or a special song. Find new spices for Havdalah – from the cupboard, from the garden. What smell do you want to remember?

A Short List of Shabbat Books to Read

Eisenberg, Ann, Bible Heroes I Can Be, Rockville, Md., Kar-Ben Copies, Inc., 1990.Herman, Charlotte, How Yussel Caught the Gefilte Fish, NY, NY, Dutton Children’s Books, 1999.Hirsch, Marilyn, Joseph Who Loved the Sabbath, NY, NY, Puffin Books, 1988.Kropf, Latifa Berry, It’s Challah Time!, Minneapolis, MN, Kar-Ben Publishing, Inc., 2002Rouss, Sylvia A., Sammy Spider’s First Shabbat, Rockville, Md., Kar-Ben Copies, Inc., 1997.Simpson, Lesley, The Shabbat Box, Rockville, Md., Kar-Ben Copies, Inc., 2002.Ten Classic Children’s Stories, NY, NY, Pitsopany Press, 1998.Zeldin, Florence, Shabbat Shalom Book, Los Angeles, CA, Rah-yah-not Press, 1984.

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A Short List of Shabbat Music for Young Children

Abrams, Leah, Because We Love Shabbat, Leah Abrams (LA 360).Auerbach, Julie Jaslow, Seasoned with Song. Distributed by A.R.E. Publishing, Inc.Avni, Fran, The Seventh Day. Lemonstone Records. Distributed by A.R.A. Publishing, Inc.Celebrate with Us: Shabbat. Jewish Family Productions. Distributed by A.R.E. Publishing, Inc.Cotler, Doug. It’s So Amazing! (Spigot 152) Distributed by A.R.E. Publishing, Inc.Friedman, Debbie. Shirim Al Galgalim. Sounds Write Publications. Distributed by A.R.E. Publishing, Inc.Paley, Cindy. Shabbat Shalom. Cindy Paley.Shabbat Shalom! Jewish Children’s Songs for Sabbath at home. Transcontinental Music Publications.Shiron L’Gan. Transcontinental Music Publications/New Jewish Music Press.

Learning Shabbat Blessings:

Mastering the Shabbat  Table Service (Grade: 2-4, Instant Lesson)  Through a series of exercises, students will master both the oral performance and a level of basic understanding based on key words of the Shabbat table blessings.(Torahaura publications, www.torahaura.com)

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I. Setting the Table with Sacred Serving Pieces: Klei Kodesh for the Home Altar by Noam Zion and Talya Weisbard

The table is an altar on which we give service to God and it reflects our talents – breadmaking, needlepoint, drawing, pottery, silversmith, flower arranging – as well as our aesthetic taste in choosing the creative works of human hands for our table. Those items – especially when reserved for special occasions like Shabbat – set the mood and inspire gratitude, wonder and tangible pleasure among all those joining to share the meal.

Not all of us are accomplished artists but our own efforts have special value as do our children’s creations even if they are not world class. Serving God and setting our table should express what we are able to do as well as what we are able to buy. Some families collect from year to year the handmade hallah cover, the heirloom Shabbat candle sticks, the spice bags made by the children in school, a special kerchief for lighting candles, a Shabbat broach, the pottery plates and flower vase we made. These gifts to God whether we bought them to encourage Jewish artists or whether we made them ourselves reflect God’s request that in building the sacred tent in the desert, the portable Temple, we make a contribution of the heart from whatever we have at hand.

God spoke to Moses: Tell the people of Israel to bring Me gifts. You shall accept gifts for Me from every person whose heart moves him or her – gold, silver, and copper; blue, purple and crimson yarns; fine linen and goat’s hair; tanned ram skins and dolphin (?) skins; acacia wood and oil; spices and aromatic incense; lapis lazuli and other stones. …Let them make Me a sanctuary that I may dwell among them (Exodus 25:1-8).

Maimonides explains that we serve God with that which is good, better and best, because God is good and generous to us. Serving God is also serving human creatures in need, therefore Maimonides instructs us:

All things dedicated to God who is good should be from that which is beautiful and good. If one builds a House of Prayer – let it be more beautiful than one’s own home; if one feeds the hungry – let the food served be from the best and the

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sweetest on one’s own table; if one covers the naked – donate the best of one’s possessions. (Mishne Torah, Laws of Issurei Mizbeiach 7:11)

Below you will find websites displaying beautiful sacred objects made holy by the combination of human creativity and the spirit of giving and service to God.

Here is a list of sacred utensils one might consider:hallah cover /kiddush cup / bread board / match box – azulai / knife / salt shaker / netillat yadaim / towel / tzedakah box /

www.judaicartkits.com

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F. Haknsast Orchim Welcoming Guests by Noam Zion and Raphael Zarum

The Shabbat table involves welcoming guests. That begins with making the Shabbat Queen feel at home along with her angels, then welcoming one’s new Shabbat spirit, the extra soul, then welcoming one another (since so often we have not had time to eat and converse leisurely with members of our household during the week. Of course there are the old-fashioned kind of guests friends and strangers whom we host and who make this dinner special.

The duties of guests and of hosts is manifold in a Jewish tradition that began with Abraham and Sarah as the hosts par excellence for every passing traveler and continues with the mitzvah to be sensitive to the stranger for we were strangers.                            The checklist of ways to make a guest welcome includes the following:    * inviting a guest in advance makes the evening special for everyone. Pick someone who might be popular with some of the household members. Try ‘impulsive inviting’ and pick up someone at the last minute, perhaps from work or from the synagogue. However recall that sometimes on Shabbat the household members just want to relax and be by themselves or perhaps they have not had time to prepare food and will feel pressured to entertain a guest whom they may feel is judging their cooking ability, the cleanliness of their home or how well-behaved ones children are. Keep in mind which guests mix best with one another as well. To avoid extra cooking but still to benefit from guests, ask friends to drop by for desert.    * Involve the guest in advance. Sensitive guests often feel they are imposing, invading your private space. Reassure them by giving them a task for which you are very appreciative to bring something you really like (don’t be shy, the guest often wants to reciprocate your hospitality or even pitch in to come over and doing some of the cooking with you or at least bring a dish) or to read a story to your child as you finish last minute preparations. Maybe the guest will be asked in advance to come with a story or riddle or an unusual heirloom to be presented.    * Inquire about dietary restrictions and preferences before makingdinner.    * Introduce the people at the table in an engaging way. For example, ask every one at table to introduce the one to their right or explain where you first met the hosts or describe a most interesting project that they worked on this week. Perhaps ask them to recall a unique Shabbat experience.    * Fend off embarrassment. Both the host and the guest may feel embarrassed. Guests may be afraid of the religious practice in their hosts' home lest it be too observant or not observant enough. Reassure the guest in advance and make the expectations explicit. Offer them to do their own Kiddush if desired and to take an active a part as they wish in the table ritual. Some people enjoy demonstrating their Shabbat customs and sharing them as well as their favorite melodies. However remember that other people prefer to layback rather than to jump in actively at a household that they have never visited before.    * Prioritize those close to home. In many homes the guest draws all the attention, and then children or a spouse who are there every week may feel passed over in a way that ruins their Shabbat experience and causes them to resent the invasion of their privacy

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by a guest. On the other hand, children often bloom when an adult guest – not a parent - takes them very seriously asking them about their life and concerns.    * Recall how important your invitation can be even to the most seasoned traveler or the next door’s neighbor who has an empty nest for a particular Shabbat. To be welcomed into a home celebrating Shabbat is a privilege, a memorable event for many Jews and non-Jews. For you this is another Shabbat, but for a guest it may be a transformatory experience.

Jew or non-Jew, a guest can energize the whole table and often they are very curious about Shabbat observance rather than embarrassed by your celebration. Fear not imposing on them, they have come to your home happily to experience what you hold to special on your Shabbat table experience.

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On Traditional Etiquette: Duties of Guests and of Hosts

Duties of the Guests

Olive’s Worth of Appreciation by Mordechai Gafni32

The Talmud reports a strange conversation between God and his angels. “Why,” the angels ask of God, “do you accord the people of Israel your favor, even when they are not deserving?” God responds, “How can I not? After all, in my Torah it says, ‘And you shall eat, be satisfied and [only then are you obligated to] bless me.’(Deuteronomy 8: 10). And yet the children of Israel bless me even if they have only eaten an olive’s worth of food.” [That is how the Rabbis have expanded the law of giving thanks for the Divine gift of food. They require the recitation of the whole Birkat HaMazon even if one has only eaten only a small portion of bread.]

The hassidic rebbe and mystical master Aaron of Karlin unpacks the powerful wisdom of this passage. What the text suggests is that if you wait to be satisfied, to be ful-filled, until you have everything you desire, you will never be able to give blessing. Moreover, you will never experience your life as blessing. Spiritual greatness is about being able to experience satisfaction and blessing even when you only have an olive’s worth of fulfillment. The feeling of blessing emerges from the ability to experience the fullness of divine reality in every fraction of goodness. When I fully receive anything, no matter how small, it is enough to make me full. This is the art of receiving and giving blessing. It is the secret of fulfillment.

On Welcoming Problematic Guests by Reb Arye Levin (Jerusalem, 20th century)33

“No stranger shall sleep outside. I will open my door to the wanderer.” (Job 31:32)

One of the thieves who was imprisoned in Jerusalem finished serving his sentence and was released towards evening. Since he lived far from Jerusalem and had no money in his pocket, the thief went to visit Reb Aryeh Levin, whom he had known as the prison rabbi, in order to borrow pocket money.

Reb Aryeh and his wife received him as an honored guest, gave him the money he requested and entreated him not to begin his journey until he had eaten heartily at their table.

The guest enjoyed himself and at the conclusion of dinner Reb Aryeh told him: “I want to thank you for paying us this visit for you gave us the unexpected opportunity of doing two mitzvot at once: haknasat orchim, welcoming guests, and gemilut chasadim, showing human kindness. Now the hour is late. Why bother to travel at night? Honor us by spending the night with us.” The rabbi and his wife made up a bed for the guest and wished him a good night.

Early the next morning towards sunrise Reb Aryeh arose to prepare himself for davening. Suddenly he discovered that the guest had disappeared and with him the silver wine cup and candelabra.

Immediately Reb Aryeh woke his wife and told her what had happened. Then he announced: “I forgive the thief and grant him without any reservation what he has stolen so that he shall not be punished again on my account.” Then he turned to

32 The Mystery of Love, 33 A Tzadik in our Time – The Story of Aryeh Levin by Simcha Raz, (adapted from the Hebrew)

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his wife and added: “let us promise one another and resolve in our heart that this unfortunate and painful incident shall not serve as a precedent which might prevent us from hosting other thieves in our home in the future…”.

This true story reflects a level of generosity that is beyond the norms of ordinary people. Yet Reb Arye was unusual. He had the ability to work with criminals some of whom exploited him, their benefactor, just as they exploited others in society. He and his wife could feel the sting of ingratitude, betrayal and loss, yet they kept their faith in God and human beings. They did not let the one who cheated them become an excuse not to welcome into their homes the next needy person. That is the greatest challenge of hospitality - to take in the strangers so few will welcome into their homes and hearts. Sometimes that love can be transforming, but many times it will seem to go unappreciated. Our struggle is to keep our hearts and homes open even though it makes us more vulnerable.

Duties of the HostsAbraham’s Standard of Five Star Hospitality and the First Chain of Motels

Yose ben Yohanan of Jerusalem said:“Let your house be opened wide, and let the poor be members of your household.” (Pirkei Avot 1:5)

That pithy statement was explained and expanded by imagining the full extent of Abraham’s top quality hospitality and comparing it to righteous Job’s slightly lower class of service to the needy:

“Let your house be opened wide” —what does this mean? It means that a person’s house should be opened wide to the north, to the south, to the east, and to the west, like Job, who provided his houses with four doors. And why did Job provide four doors for his house? In order that the poor should not be put to the distress of having to go around the entire house: one who came from the north could enter directly [through the north door], one who came from the south could enter directly [through the south door], and likewise from the other directions.

“And let the poor be members of your household”—this does not mean that they should actually become members of your household, but that the poor should be able to talk freely about what they had to eat and drink in your house, just as the poor talked freely about what they had eaten and drunk in Job’s house. When one poor man met another, he would ask, “Where are you coming from?” “From Job’s house.” Or, “Where are you going?” “To Job’s house.”

When the great calamity befell Job, he pleaded with the Holy One, “Master of the universe, did I not feed the hungry, give drink to the thirsty, and clothe the naked?”

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The Holy One answered Job, “Job, you have not yet reached half the measure [of hospitality] extended by Abraham. You sat in your house waiting for guests to come to you. To one accustomed to eat wheat bread, you gave wheat bread; to one accustomed to eat meat, you gave meat; and to one accustomed to drink wine, you gave wine. But Abraham did not act thus. He went out and traveled about in the world. When he met prospective guests, he brought them to his home. Even one not accustomed to eat wheat bread [which is finer quality than barley bread], he gave wheat bread; to one not accustomed to eat meat, he gave meat; and to one who was not accustomed to drink wine, he gave wine. Not only that, but he got busy and built spacious mansions along the highways, and stocked them with food and drink, so that whoever entered ate, drank, and blessed Heaven. ( Avot d’Rabbi Natan 7)

Out of The Cold – A Synagogue becomes a Five Star Hotel for the Homeless

By Walter Seaton

There is large population of homeless people in Toronto. The reasons for being homeless range from just bad luck to physical and mental challenges. Life becomes particularly hard during Toronto’s bitter winters. City authorities provide relief only when temperatures drop below – 15 Centigrade, when military armories and lobbies of civic buildings are opened for them to be able avoid freezing to death.

In 1988 a Catholic nun started a program to provide food and temporary shelter over night for the homeless in churches. In 1995 Holy Blossom Temple decided that it should join this effort. Starting such a program was not without its significant objections from the neighbors and from some Temple members. Some went so far as to threaten to resign their membership or to refuse to bring their children to the Hebrew school if “those people” were allowed in the Temple. Now however that attitude has changed completely. Large numbers of members and non-members aged 6 to 95 volunteer. 500 sign up annually and we also need to turn people away. It is a great opportunity for parents, grandchildren and children to share a special time together.

The program runs from early November until a week before Pesach. Volunteers work in shifts – each group with its particular assignment:

1- Holy Blossom school children conduct juice and clothing drives to provide resources to give the homeless when they come to the Temple. Some Bnai Mitzvah families decorate their table center pieces with baskets not of flowers but of socks and toiletries later given to the needy.

2- Tuesdays and Wednesdays – Shopping Teams buy food supplies and deliver them to Temple kitchen.

3- Thursdays Noon – Cooking Team cooks much of food from scratch, though local bakeries and Jewishly owned restaurants also donate food.

4- Thursdays Noon – Sandwich Team prepares a paper bag containing a lunch for the day after the homeless stay at the Temple.

5- Thursdays 4.30 p.m. – Set Up Team prepare tables, chairs, plates, cutlery, cups and plates.

6- Thursdays 5.30 p.m. – 7.00 a.m. - Security Team, working in shifts, together with paid security guards, maintain order as homeless line up. A strict policy prevents admission of trouble makers and thieves who often plague the homeless themselves in other shelters and on the street. Alcohol, drugs and weapons may not be brought into the building.

7- Thursdays 6.30 p.m. – Guests arrive. The homeless are always called and

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treated as guests of the Temple. Both men and women come, about 5-10% Jewish and many Canadian native people. Most come to spend the evening and not just for delicious meal. They enjoy the warm welcome and the respect shown as well as the companionship. The first 45 to sign up are provided a bed for the night and others are provided transportation to other shelters. Up to 120 are admitted for dinner.

8- Thursdays 6.30 p.m. - Serving Team bring the food to the table and provide “seconds” if requested.

9- Thursdays 6.30 p.m – Entertainment is provided during the meal – piano, guitar and sometimes a singer. Guests with musical talents join in the performance and many sing along. Holidays – Jewish and non-Jewish - are acknowledged and a talk is sometimes provided (for example, on Hanukkah Rabbi Gunther Plaut is a popular speaker and on Christmas, children pass out small gifts).

10- Medical Team provide nursing for minor medical problems. 11- After dinner the Socializing Team provide books and magazines, join the

guests in card or board games and encourage a social atmosphere. Every other week there is an art show.

12- Thursday 11.30 p.m. - Overnight Security Team stays all night round the clock as the guest sleep.

13- Friday 5.00 a.m. – Breakfast Team prepares breakfast 14- Friday 6.00a.m. – Breakfast served and guests leave by 7.00 a.m. 15- Clean Up Teams clean up and disinfect blankets and mattresses.

On an extremely cold night a very disheveled street person arrived at the program. Speaking with great difficulty, hardly coherent, he asked for food. After he had eaten, he shuffled over to the piano. While the volunteers were still deciding how, without causing offense, they could ask him not to touch the piano, he sat down and played most beautifully works by Bach and Vivaldi. The whole room became hushed. After playing non-stop for about 30 minutes the man got up and, without saying a word, went back out into the cold night.

Guests consider our Out of the Cold program one of the best in Toronto and they show their appreciation in many small ways. But perhaps what gives the volunteers the biggest pleasure is to hear a guest say (and here comes an actual quotation): “I am not coming back here anymore – I have got myself a good job.”

“All You Can Eat” Hospitality The Hassidic Rebbe Yeshaya of Zochowitz earned his living as a miller and a wine maker so he had the means to offer generous hospitality to his guests who were nonetheless embarrassed to take full advantage of his generosity. So the rebbe used to tell his invited guests just before sundown:

“Since you come from afar, you may not know the rules of my house. My fee for Shabbat board is 4 rubles per guest, which is much more than other inns. But it entitles you to eat and drink as much as you wish. And I assure you that the food is very good.” The guests took full advantage of his offer. Knowing that they were paying for the food such a high fee, they indulged themselves very, very liberally. When Shabbat was over, the rebbe informed them to their surprise:“Of course, I will not take any money from you for the Shabbat meals. Do you think that I would be so foolish as to sell this mitzvah of hospitality for few rubles? I only told you that I was charging you per meal so you would be sure to eat and drink as much as you wanted without embarrassment.”

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G. Table Songs and Musical Background for Shabbat by Elizabeth Kessler34

Unique to Jewish table culture is the singing of songs – neither church hymns nor beer drinking folksongs. The sacred and everyday join together in style, content and music. The style is free flowing with no particular traditional order to the songs – despite the way they have been organized in nineteenth century siddurim, no fixed singing roles or need for professionals or choir masters. New songs are added all the time to the table repertoire. The content of the songs mixes God, Shabbat rest and good food – equally, but singing a wordless niggun is considered by Hassidim an even higher form of soul singing. The music is as eclectic as desired. While the traditional words often stay fixed from decade to decade, every few years the popular tunes shifted. Often popular melodies from contemporary culture, like Israeli folksongs or Broadway showtunes, are applied at will. Below are both “traditional” melodies – but recall we have no “ancient” melodies more than two hundred years and that the melody was never institutionalized. So seldom do we in Western society sit around the table and sing. Let this weekly opportunity offer us the group therapy of music which heals the soul. Let our adolescents who love to listen and to sing popular folksongs be a model for our Shabbat tables.. Elizabeth Kessler, a talented cantorial school studentfrom NYC, has done an outstanding job of collecting and selecting the best musical resources for Shabbat tunes. Cantors as well as musically-minded individuals may easily learn the music and lead others with or without musical instruments. At the very least these recordings are wonderful mood-setters while we prepare Shabbat. By playing them at home or in the car everyone can become familiar with them before Shabbat.

RecordingsCarlebach

Rabbi Shlomo Carlebach was one of the most influential Jewish musicians of the second half of the twentieth century. His simple, uplifting, and spiritual niggunim appealed to a whole generation of young Jews in the sixties and seventies, and despite his death in 1994, his music continues to be very popular today. Carlebach’s recordings are ideal for becoming familiar with lively folksong tunes to traditional texts. Many of Carlebach’s CDs are also available in double cassettes that include stories on the subject matter. All of his recordings contain original melodies with traditional liturgical and para-liturgical texts. He himself sings and plays guitar on all of his recordings, and although he is neither a singer nor a guitarist, the recordings are pleasant and fun and can certainly be very spiritually moving. The first three recordings below contain both synagogue

34 cantorial student at ???? a-

b-can you add short intro on importance of music ,on how one might best learn these melodies using the cds or musical notes (three ideas), how a cantor or teacher might use these resources to teach andhow lay person might best get his/her family engaged in music (three ideas – for more or less musical) ,

how one decides between high german traditional versus carlebach versus Disney showtune melody or what the categories mean as one seeks singable music for Shabbat at home .I am not talking about more than 2 pages.

c-C – can you add very brief paragraph of musical bio about carlebach

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music and z’mirot and can be listened to purely for enjoyment. The fourth entry, a recording of Carlebach’s Friday evening service, is best used as a teaching tool.

1. Carlebach, Shlomo. Shabbos with Shlomo. Willowdale: Jerusalem Star, 1994. 2. Carlebach, Shlomo. Shabbos in Shomayim. Ontario: Jerusalem Star, 1995. (CD, also in double cassette)3. Carlebach, Shlomo. The Gift of Shabbos. Jerusalem: The Shlomo Carlebach Foundation, 2001. (CD)4. Solomon, Ben Zion. L’chu n’ran’noh sound recording/Ben Zion Solomon and Sons Nusach Carlebach. Me’or Modi’im: Ben Zion Solomon, 2000. (CD, also in double cassette)

Children’s Music

1. Allard, Peter and Ellen. Bring The Sabbath Home. Worcester: P & E Allard, 2003.This CD is a brand new recording from an award winning Jewish children’s music duo, both of whom are educational consultants as well as musicians. Mainly in English, all of the songs on this recording have original music and lyrics by the Allards. Although this recording will not acquaint children with traditional Shabbat music, the songs certainly convey the spirit of Shabbat and will help young children learn about the holiday in a fun and easy way.

2. Avni, Fran. The Seventh Day: Very Special Songs for Shabbat for Young Children and Their Families. Cote, St. Luc, Quebec: Lemonstone Records, 2001.

On this CD Fran Avni, a veteran of both children’s music and Jewish music, presents a variety of original songs about celebrating Shabbat. In addition, Avni includes several z’mirot and synagogue songs with new child friendly melodies. The CD experiments with a range of genres such as folksong, ballad, and rap, and the lyrics are intelligent and educational. Overall, this CD represents a slightly more sophisticated side of Jewish children’s music.

3. Shabbat Shalom! Jewish Children’s Songs for Sabbath at Home. New York: Transcontinental Music Publishing, 2003.

This CD is a new collection of blessings and original songs by contemporary artists. In addition to having many lively songs in both Hebrew and English, this recording is also an excellent learning tool for blessings. Suitable for 0-6 year-olds.

4. Zim, Paul. Shabbat is Here. New York: P. Zim Productions, 2001. This recording, available both in CD and cassette, leads children through the entire Shabbat cycle - from anticipating Shabbat during the week, to songs in synagogue and at the Shabbat table, and finally through Havdalah and the end of Shabbat. Labeled for children ages 2 -7, this recording will work better with children on the younger end of that spectrum. The songs are upbeat and comprehensive of a variety of styles with original and traditional melodies for synagogue music and z’mirot as well as many original songs in both English and Hebrew. The recording is perfect for both familiarizing children with standard Shabbat melodies and introducing them to new music.

Shabbat Music for Young Children (compiled by Julie Auerbach)

Abrams, Leah, Because We Love Shabbat, Leah Abrams (LA 360).Auerbach, Julie Jaslow, Seasoned with Song. Distributed by A.R.E. Publishing, Inc.Avni, Fran, The Seventh Day. Lemonstone Records. Distributed by A.R.A.

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Publishing, Inc.Celebrate with Us: Shabbat. Jewish Family Productions. Distributed by A.R.E. Publishing, Inc.Cotler, Doug. It’s So Amazing! (Spigot 152) Distributed by A.R.E. Publishing, Inc.Friedman, Debbie. Shirim Al Galgalim. Sounds Write Publications. Distributed by A.R.E. Publishing, Inc.Paley, Cindy. Shabbat Shalom. Cindy Paley.Shabbat Shalom! Jewish Children’s Songs for Sabbath at home. Transcontinental Music Publications.Shiron L’Gan. Transcontinental Music Publications/New Jewish Music Press.

Choral

1. The Soul of Sabbath: Shabbat Zemirot. Performed by the Zamir Chorale of Boston. Joshua R. Jacobson, artistic director. Newton, MA: Zamir Chorale of Boston, 1998.

For those interested in Jewish choral music for shabbat, this CD is one of the best available. The CD contains numerous synagogue songs and z’mirot with both tradition melodies and older, Sephardic niggunim. All of the songs are wonderfully arranged for full choir. The CD is a pleasure to listen to and perfect for setting the mood for Shabbat.

2. Western Wind. Taste of Eternity: A Musical Shabbat Part I: Friday Night Service and Table Songs (Zmirot)/sung by the Western Wind and guest choir, Matthew Lazar, guest conductor; Leonard Nimoy, narrator. New York: Western Wind Vocal Ensemble, 1998.

This CD offers a taste of the golden age of Jewish music. The recording is very liturgically focused and contains many famous cantorial concert pieces for Shabbat. In addition, there are several standard z’mirot arranged for soloist and choir as well as Sephardic songs and compositions by Rossi and Schubert. The CD is a great way to enjoy and become familiar with classical Jewish music.

Contemporary1. Maseng, Don T. Songs for the Sabbath: Shire Shabbat. New York: SISU Music, 1998.

This CD is a collection of slow, peaceful, Shabbat music, including synagogue song, z’mirot, and other para-liturgical material all in Hebrew. The songs are all traditional melodies, but they are performed and arranged to achieve a consistency of serenity. The CD also includes explanatory narration in English with instrumental accompaniment before many of the songs. Although the collection is slightly esoteric, this CD works well for those who are looking for music to relax to.

2. Propis, David. TGIS: Thank God It’s Shabbat! Owing Mills, MD: Tara Publications, 2001.

This CD works chronologically through the Friday evening service with selections from many well-known contemporary composers as well as reworked settings of familiar traditional melodies. Although the CD does not cover the entire service, it is an excellent teaching tool for those seeking to become more acquainted with Shabbat synagogue melodies.

3. Propis, David. Visions of Shabbat. Houston: KASPRO Productions, 2002.In contrast to his earlier Shabbat recording, this CD is comprised completely of Propis’s original compositions for Shabbat liturgy. The singing and the music are both excellent. This CD is best suited for those interested in learning new liturgical music.

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4. Rahel Jaskow, A Day of Rest, CD, 2001 www.cdbaby.com/rahel rjaskow@actcom.co.il

5. Shira Hadasha Congregation in Jerusalem, 2004, "Lezamer Beshimha, double CD. lbye2@yahoo.com

Craig Taubman

Craig Taubman is a Jewish singer/songwriter based in the Los Angeles Jewish community. Through his original compositions for liturgical texts, he seeks to inspire Jewish communities to have more spiritual religious experiences.

Below are the recordings that Taubman has produced specifically for Shabbat music. The first two recordings are comprised only of his original compositions for liturgical text and focus on the Friday evening and Saturday morning services respectively. On both these recordings, the selections are mainly slow and ballad-like with guitar accompaniment. Several songs do incorporate rock and Klezmer style arrangements and therefore use a range of other instruments.

The third recording is part of Taubman’s Celebrate Series, a project dedicated to creating soundtracks for Jewish life and celebration. This CD is an anthology of original compositions from contemporary Jewish musicians and contains liturgical music as well as z’mirot and other Shabbat songs.

All of Taubman’s recordings are excellent teaching tools for contemporary Jewish music and can also be used to set a pleasant and spiritual Shabbat atmosphere in the home.

1. Taubman, Craig. Friday Night Live. Sherman Oaks, CA: Sweet Louise Productions, 1999 (also in cassette) 2. Taubman, Craig. One Shabbat Morning. Sherman Oaks, CA: Craig N Co., 2002.3.Taubman, Craig. Celebrate Shabbat: Shabbat Songs to Treasure. Sherman Oaks, CA: Sweet Louise Music, 2000.

Debbie Friedman

Debbie Friedman has been serving the Jewish community as a singer, songwriter and guitarist for over twenty-five years. Originally influenced by American popular music of the 1960’s and 70’s -- Peter, Paul & Mary, Judy Collins, Joan Baez and Joni Mitchell--, Friedman’s music combines the American spirit with liturgical Jewish texts and themes. In fact, Friedman’s music has become so fully integrated into synagogue liturgy, that in many congregations it is considered “traditional.”

Although Friedman has not produced a recording specifically for Shabbat, each of the following recordings contains various songs from the Shabbat liturgy that can be used both inside and outside of the synagogue.

1. Friedman, Debbie. The Water in the Well. San Diego, CA: Sounds Write Productions, 2001. 2. Friedman, Debbie. The World of Your Dreams. San Diego, CA: Sounds Write Productions, 1993. (also in cassette)3. Friedman, Debbie. And The Youth Shall See Visions. San Diego, CA: Sounds Write Productions: Jewish Family Productions, 1981. (cassette)4. Friedman, Debbie. Sing Unto God. San Diego, CA: Sounds Write Productions: Jewish Family Productions, 1972. (cassette)

Instructional

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Below are a few of the recordings available to take a listener through varying degrees of the Shabbat cycle. The first recording is comprised of the major liturgical and home ritual blessings and songs that accompany Shabbat. The second recording focuses on the home ritual and contains all of the blessings and a few standard z’mirot for both the Friday evening and Saturday afternoon meal, as well as the Havdalah – the service to conclude Shabbat. Finally, the third recording is an extensive collection of 112 liturgical pieces and z’mirot, including central parts of the Shabbat meal ritual.

All three of these recordings are excellent teaching tools for beginners. The first two especially focus on being simple and instructional, while the third is very useful for both beginners and those looking to expand their Shabbat experience.

1. Come, Let Us Welcome Shabbat. Les Bronstein and Benjie Ellen Schiller, eds. New York: Union of American Hebrew Congregations, 1989. (cassette)2. Shabbat for Starters. Mayer Davis, ed. New York: M. Davis, 2001. 3. Zemirot mi-Livnot ule-hibanot : The Z’mirot Handbook : Z’mirot Livnot. Owing Mills, MD: Tara Publications, 1996.

Jazz/Rock

1. E18hteen. Kol Hashabbat. Nashville: Eighteen Entertainment, 2002.This CD features seventeen original liturgical compositions by the Jewish Modern Rock group, e18hteen. The songs are accompanied by acoustic guitar and piano and are of the MTV “unplugged” style. The tunes are lively and exciting, and very appropriate for the Jewish pre-teen and teenager.

2. Recht, Rick. Shabbat Alive! St. Louis: Vibe Room Records, 2001.This CD by Jewish Rock artist Rick Recht also includes original liturgical compositions in the rock style. In addition, Shabbat Alive! contains several para-liturgical songs for Shabbat or everyday. The recording features the Rick Recht Band with 6 youth choirs from St. Louis and Kansas City. Finally, Shabbat Alive! is a also a multimedia CD that you can put in your computer to view a short movie and slideshow, screensavers, and computer wallpaper. This rock recording is probably more suited for pre-teens, but the music can be thoroughly enjoyable for people of all ages.

Liturgical

1. Binder, Stuart. Shabbat Workshop. Princeton, NJ: S. Binder, 1999. On this CD, Cantor Stuart Binder records a complete Shabbat service including several z’mirot. All of the selections are a cappella (without accompaniment) and some are actually spoken liturgy. As a result, this CD is best used as teaching tool or as way to become familiar with basic synagogue music and liturgy.

2. Dunn, J. Mark and Joel N. Eglash. Shabbat Anthology Volume I. New York: Transcontinental Music Publications, 2003.

This brand new liturgical recording contains both newly composed music and older Shabbat music that has never been published. In addition to the liturgical selections, the recording also incorporates a niggunim section featuring many well-known contemporary cantors. This CD is incredibly diverse in musical styles and is a terrific collection for those looking to add depth to their Shabbat repertoire.

3. Smolover, Raymond. Nashir B’Yachad:We Sing Together: Melodies for Shabbat Worship from the “Gates of Song.” New York: New Jewish Music Press, 1993.

This extensive CD features 57 tracks of the 'standards' of Shabbat worship, selected from Gates of Song (the corresponding songbook to the Reform movement’s siddur, Gates of Prayer). All of the selections are sung by

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cantors who are accompanied mostly by keyboard. This recording is a great teaching/learning tool, as well as an introduction to both traditional and contemporary Shabbat music.

Z’mirot

1. Beat’achon. West Side Z’mirot. New York: Beat’achon, 1993. Beat’achon is six-member all male Jewish a cappella group that was

formed in 1991 in New York. This CD contains z’mirot with their traditional melodies reinterpreted in part “doo-wop,” part pop and part rhythm & blues style and arranged for six-part harmony. The CD booklet also includes Hebrew, English and transliteration, as well as interesting information about each song. (also available in cassette)

2. London, Frank, Schwimmer, Rob, and Sklamberg, Lorin. The Zmiros Project. New York: Traditional Crossroads, 2002.

This new CD is a collection of Shabbat z’mirot arranged in Klezmer style. The music is incredibly lively and interesting and the vocals and arrangements are excellent. In addition, ethnomusicologist Jim Loeffler provides thorough and careful notes in the booklet accompanying the CD, both in a historical overview and for the songs themselves. This recording is a pleasure to listen to and is perfect for setting a joyful atmosphere for Shabbat.

3. Zim, Paul. From Sunset to Sunset: Zmirot and Other Songs Celebrating Shabbat. Forrest Hills: Paul Zim, 1996. (cassette)

Together with the entry below, this recording is the companion to The Paul Zim Zmirot Songbook (listed in the Songbook section). This cassette contains traditional tunes for Friday evening z’mirot. The recording is simple but comprehensive and is certainly appropriate for both listening and instructional use.

4. Zim, Paul. Let’s Sing Z’mirot: A sing-a-long: Traditional Spiritual Music for the Sabbath Table. Forrest Hills: Paul Zim, 1998. (cassette)

This cassette contains traditional tunes for z’mirot and Shabbat songs appropriate for Shabbat afternoon through Havdalah.

WebsitesPublishers

The Cantors Assembly cantors.orgThe union of Conservative cantors homepage – has traditional liturgical music in all forms; for cantors, choirs, and lay leaders

Soundswrite Productions, Inc. www.soundswrite.comCompany for contemporary North American Jewish composers; can sample certain tracks on selections

Tara Publications www.jewishmusic.comLists all tracks on CDs; track sampling available with real audio; has listening station with a number of CDs and the selection rotates

Transcontinental Music www.etranscon.comPublisher of the Union of American Hebrew Congregations, as well as numerous other selections; track sampling available

Jewish Music SitesJewish Music Web Center www.jmwc.org

With hundreds of links to Jewish Music websites of all kinds, as well as suggestions for music scholarship sites and concert sites, this website is an incredible resource. For a complete listing of the sites incorporated, go to the Directories section for an alphabetical or a subject listing. The listings contain comments on most of the sites as well.

Zemrl www.princeton.edu/~klez/zemerl/index.html

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This website is a database of Jewish songs, which contains songs in Hebrew, Yiddish, and English. You can listen to songs, obtain information about the songs and find printable versions of lyrics and translations.

Hebrewsongs www.hebrewsongs.comAn online library of Hebrew songs. Although the site is still a work in progress, it has quite an extensive database of song lyrics in transliteration and translation. There is no actual music on this site, but has links to many other Jewish music websites and places to listen to Jewish music online.

Shabbat Music SitesHotshabbat.com www.hotshabbat.com

A very extensive site with all kinds of Shabbat music in mp3, real audio, and pdf formats. The selections are mainly contemporary liturgical, but the site also has traditional and non-liturgical music as well.

Totshabbat.com www.totshabbat.comThis website is the sister site of hotshabbat.com. The site contains many varieties of Shabbat music for kids of all ages in mp3, real audio and pdf format.

Cdbaby.com - Rachel Jaskow sings for the “Day of Rest”

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H. The Synagogue’s Contribution to Shabbat Empowerment:

Modeling a Shabbat Celebration around the Table

Introduction The “Beit Knesset” and the household “Bayit” are two homes – one communal and one familial – that need not be in competition. While we in communal institutions sometimes measure our success by how many people we lure away from home to celebrate and learn in community frameworks, we can also evaluate our success in terms of what we give individuals to take home and share with their households. Shabbat morning, Rosh Hashanah, Yom Kippur. Purim and historically speaking the pilgrimage festivals have been classically big events for coming together (Beit Knesset – literally means a house to come together, to gather). However Hannukah, Shabbat meals, the post-Temple (Beit Mikdash) Pesach Seder and Sukkot have been times to withdraw from work and community and to gather in small intimate family-friends groups around the table. The Jew Within by Arnold Eisen and Steve Cohen, as quoted above in our introductory chapter, brings many quotes from American Jews describing how home Jewish experiences are their most important – not unfortunately the mass synagogue events. Therefore strengthening the Jewish identity through home-Judaism integrated with synagogue life may be the most effective way to build the next generation of Jews. Below are three examples of work being done in the field – best practices of reinforcing the home-Shabbat-synagogue axis: Bill Berk in Phoenix writes about his Club Shabbos. It takes Jews who are willing to be hospitable to fellow congregation members and to guests from outside, people who probably enjoy cooking and hosting and then it helps them make Shabbat the time and content of that hospitality. These hosts often know little about Shabbat but at home far from the rabbi they may dare to lead a Shabbat table “service” with Kiddush and HaMotzi thus bringing others in as well. The synagogue issues the challenge, offers peer support, teaches Shabbat basics and then each household becomes its own center of activity, a satellite of the synagogue orbiting around the “sun” of the synagogue Club Shabbos training-program. Unique to this approach is that it calls upon people to learn in order to teach and it clearly cuts the umbilical cord to the jewish professional while making that resource available to give advice and acclamation. . Raphael Zarum from London sums up his checklist of practical wisdom for planning a communal Friday night Shabbat dinner. This well-known pattern needs to be maximized so that people not only “attend” a synagogue dinner as spectators but also learn actively by doing what they can imitate weekly at home. Each table can say their own Kiddush and recite their own HaMotzi. Albert Thaler from New York varies these bi-monthly Shabbat communal dinners by make them “theme-park” Shabbatot. One week is Chinese - with kosher Chinese dishes, English-Chinese menus, Oriental decorations like Chinese lanterns and stories from the Chinese Jewish community. The next week is Italian, then Greek then Moroccan and finally Israeli. Remembering many individuals and even families do not have weekly meals together at all, let alone Shabbat dinners, these regular shul dinners become a surrogate home away-from-home. Recall that the first synagogue with an inscription (2000 years ago) described it as place for Torah and a hostel. Generally Kiddush can only be recited in the place of full meal. We recite Kiddush in shul after Friday services only because once upon a time shuls had hostels for the poor who ate there on Friday night. Finally Eddy Feinstein in Los Angeles suggests modeling a romantic Friday night dinner in the synagogue for young-marrieds or living-together couples.

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Here is the idea of “special interest” Shabbat dinners with particular population and then bringing out that aspect of Shabbat most important to them. Many synagogues do similar programs with Bnai Mitzvah families sharing a Shabbaton. In this case the Bnai Mitzvah should plan and perform the Shabbat rituals. The same is often done with nursery school parents as workshop on Shabbat. Special interest groups and theme Shabbatot open a whole range of possibilities. For example, Shabbat can be a spiral curriculum for life cycle events from families of nursery school children to Bnai Mitzvah to Confirmation classes to young marrieds or college students to support group Shabbatot for bereaved families or families with other difficult issues. Each time the emphasis changes as well as the level of skill demanded of the participants varies. Under no circumstances should the rabbi or cantor take all the “ritual responsibility.” Shabbat can also be build around themes and skills such as singing and niggunim or Kabbalah and meditation or Jewish ritual handicraft or Jewish cooking clubs. In each case Shabbat is not left at a basic level but a new level of learning is added.

Club Shabbos - Reclaiming Shabbat by Bill Berk I like to tell my congregants, “We haven’t had a Jewish country in two thousand years and now that we have one, it better impact us. If it does not impact us, there’s something wrong.” For me the most powerful thing about experiencing life in Israel has been living the rhythms of Jerusalem—especially Shabbat. I decided after my second sabbatical in 1998 that I must mount an all out campaign to recover Shabbat in my community (Temple Chai, Phoenix, Arizona). After all, if Shabbat could be so powerful, sweet, and inspiring in Jerusalem, why couldn’t it do the same for us here in America? If Shabbat could even be healing, transformative, almost subversive—wouldn’t even a small dose of Shabbat greatly impact the community we are trying to build? The decision was finalized one Friday evening as I was chasing my two year old around the courtyard of Jerusalem’s Congregation Kol HaNeshama. There were five hundred people packed into a room that sits three hundred and fifty. Listening to the gorgeous melodies of Kabbalat Shabbat, chasing my daughter, I turned to one of my colleagues also on sabbatical, and asked him, “Why can’t we do this in America?” Rabbi Ellie Spitz responded and said, “We can. It is being done at B’nai Jeshrun in New York.” I decided there and then that if they can make it happen in Jerusalem and New York, it can happen anywhere, even in Phoenix, Arizona.

I returned home and convinced my staff, my Board, our Adult Choir, and a few other key people that we must do something dramatic to recover Shabbat. I introduced them to the music I had picked up in Jerusalem, especially at Kol Haneshama and at Yakar. I argued that we needed to go “cold turkey” and eliminate the late Friday night service in favor of a Kabbalat Shabbat service at 6:15pm. This service would be one hour long, it would be full of the best melodies of the Jewish people, with great silences which build throughout the service, culminating in the Amidah, and speaking would be kept to a minimum. On Yom Kippur I spoke to the congregation. I told them that in the past I had spoken about Shabbat but that now I was asking them to give me one hour. I told them that after Kabbalat Shabbat they could do whatever they wanted—“But I need you

to give me one hour ”!

So began our journey with transforming Shabbat. The Kabbalat Shabbat service began with two hundred people coming every Friday evening at 6:15pm. We held a number of parlor meetings that first year in order to teach people our new music. A year later a CD came out with our Kabbalat Shabbat music and from the day the CD arrived in the mail our attendance jumped to two hundred

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and fifty people every Shabbat and kept climbing. It has leveled off at an average of three hundred and fifty to four hundred people .

One problem we faced was that by eliminating the late Friday night service we no longer had that special “Oneg time” where bonds were formed and strengthened after services. So we created the “Shabbos Nosh” –sort of a pre-wedding feast that we hold a half an hour before the service. We serve very good food and we draw a lot of people. We were worried the nosh might deaden the davening but we found that, like a good wedding, the pre-celebration only added to the main course.

After a couple of years of success we wanted to up the ante. We had developed a large number of regular attendees, but so many of them were going out to eat at restaurants after Kabbalat Shabbat. So we created “Club Shabbes.” To get into Club Shabbes a person or family had to commit to hosting five Shabbat dinners during the year. Each host family would invite people to join them at Kabbalat Shabbat and then follow them home for Shabbat dinner. To make Club Shabbes appealing we decided on a number of rewards throughout the year that would nourish the Club Shabbes participants. We had an Israeli Shabbat night where all participating hosts could pick up a bowl of home-made humus at the synagogue. On Italian Shabbat night we had a delicious tiramisu for each host family. We brought in gifted scholars to speak to Club Shabbes throughout the year—Donniel Hartman, Brad Hirshfield, and Ben Hollander. We also had one special Shabbat dinner for all the families where we taught and modeled an

uplifting Shabbat evening .

We had hoped for twenty families to join Club Shabbes and to form a sort of avante garde, bringing others into the magic of Shabbat. We had fifty families join! Forty of these fifty followed through. One thing we had not counted on was that these forty families would form sort of a mega-havurah, a Shabbat support group. They have hosted each other, shared recipes, and helped each other create a Shabbat momentum. Because of their hospitality we were even able to offer home hospitality on Friday evenings for any one wishing to be hosted. Club Shabbes was so successful that many of the participants demanded we extend the experiment to include Shabbat lunch, which we will do this next year. At the end of the year we had a party for all the Club Shabbes participants. We

celebrated and planned for the following year’s events .

It has always struck me that the genius of Judaism is its simplicity. Strings hanging down a garment become tzitzit. Taking time to celebrate life becomes Shabbat. We have such a treasure awaiting us at the end of each week, if we would but open ourselves to the power and beauty of Shabbat. Israel has opened me up to the sweet blessing of Shabbat and my prayer is that many others can

experience this blessing .

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“Top Tips” for Friday Night Dinner at the SynagogueBy Raphael Zarum

Aims To enable participants to experience a traditional Friday night meal (with

all the trimmings!). To empower them to be able to recreate this experience in their own way

in their own homes. To give them an interesting, multidimensional, warm and enjoyable

Shabbat experience.

IntroductionIt is important to have some idea of the extent of Shabbat practice amongst the expected participants for the Friday night event. Once you know about this you can tailor-make it for them. Top Tips

1. ASSUMPTIONS: In general it is best to assume that participants have some basic general knowledge about the Friday night rituals but maybe a bit hazy about specifics.

2. RESPECT: Thus it is essential never to patronize them. Just because they

may not regular do many of the rituals or know all the Hebrew jargon, does not mean that they know nothing.

3. RECOGNITION: So when explaining things give recognition as to what people are aware of. Begin sentences with "As many of you may know…" or start of by asking some basic questions that most of them can answer. Making people comfortable to explore and learn about their Judaism is paramount.

4. SEATING: Instead of long tables all connected up, a more intimate way of arranging things is to have separate tables that can seat three or four participating families groupings.

5. COMMITTED SUPPPORTERS: A really great idea is to ask a few of the more committed and knowledgeable families of the Synagogue to attend the event and support what you are doing. Make sure to spread them out in the event room so that there is one of these families on each table with two other families.

6. P.L.U: Now you are ready for some sideways education called "People Like Us". On each table of people there are 'people like them' (not the Rabbi, the organizers or any special educators) who they can relate to. Now everyone on the table can learn from each other and share the Friday night experience.

7. SENSIBLE START TIME: Check that the Synagogue service does not finish to late. Give the option for your participants to attend the service but don't insist. Maybe make the service an explanatory one that week. But then make sure the regular Synagogue goers are catered for and not left out of things.

8. USER-FRIENDLY BOOKLETS: To make it easier for everyone to follow the blessings and singing during the meal, make available one common ‘bencher’ with nice clear Hebrew, transliterations and straightforward instructions.

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9. CHILDREN BLESSING AND KIDDUSH: Encourage each table to bless the children and make Kiddush for themselves. If you or another organizer get up to say the blessings first then you can demonstrate what to do for everyone else. This empowers members of your community to make Shabbat for themselves.

10. EXTRA SONG SHEETS: No booklet will contain all the songs you want, so why not make your own collection? If you produce a simple booklet with a few members of the community, then you could all be involved in teaching some of the songs at the meal. People are more willing to learn when they see others just like them already involved.

11. BOOKING A SPEAKER: Don’t just book someone on a second hand recommendation. Find out about them first hand and make sure they are suitable for your audience. Briefing a speaker well before the event will ensure that their words are relevant and appropriate for your community. Make sure they participate fully in the evening but don't let them dominate the evening. Empowering community means creating space for their participation – not filling every available moment.

12. AGE: Be age conscious but not ageist. Your program and meal could be aimed at the community as a whole or for a particular age group. Don’t assume that ages have to be segregated, but don’t force a joint event that no one wants. This issue is very delicate and only you and your fellow organizers will know what is right for community. But remember, don’t be afraid to experiment with a new idea if you think it has a good chance of working.

13. LOCAL TALENT: Your community is made up of some very competent and resourceful people. They might well generate a more entertaining and meaningful evening than even the most famous international super-speaker could. Invite a few well-chosen people (maybe of different ages) to prepare a short speeches entitled “Why I like Shabbat” or something similar. If they read these out at different points during the meal then you can all share in the meaning of Shabbat as a community.

14. WORD OF MOUTH: Announcing things every week in Synagogue is not always the best way to get people to come to an event. If each of your organizers take on the job of personally inviting people and passing the word around, this could be just as, or even more, effective, especially for attracting new people. It goes without saying that your organizers should not all come from the same part of the community.

15. SYNAGOGUE VS. HOME: Some communities prefer smaller events for just a few families at people’s houses than at the Synagogue. Three reasons: it’s more informal; you get to see how other people live; and it binds the community together in more subtle ways. On the other hand, finding suitable houses, in terms of size and access can be a problem. It’s worth thinking about both options before you decide on your program. Ten weeks of smaller Friday night events in different peoples homes may be even more effective than one big one in the Synagogue.

16. WORK TOGETHER: The best community programs are organized by all sectors of the community for all sectors of the community. Try to involve different groups of people in as many parts of the planning as possible. The more people ‘in’ on the event, the more they will be enthused by it and encourage others to come.

One final word

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All of these tips have been successfully tried, but only you will know which ones are right for your community. Never doubt that with well-thought out preparation and planning, you could turn any one of these suggestions into an exciting and memorable Friday night experience.

Shabbat for the Young at Heart :A Romantic Candle-lit Dinner with Poetry

If you were to enter a candle lit room with table set for two, fine wine in lovely crystal glasses, beautiful dishes and silver cutlery, what mood would it evoke? Listen, can you hear music, love songs filled with the imagery of a bride? Check the (palm pilot) calendar and see that it has been cleared for get-away weekend vacation far from telephones, faxes and e mails. Everything has been prepared in advance: bodies are washed and smell fresh after a warm bath, clothes are clean, flowers offer their scent and their colors, food is warming and ready to be served. With nothing else scheduled, making love is clearly on the unspoken agenda. With time to talk, to reconnect, there is a window of opportunity to revive a latent love. The atmosphere is magical, even divine, and our faces shine with an inner light and a contented smile. We welcome the Shabbat spirit. It is a time for earthly and heavenly love to meet.

Rabbi Ed Feinstein, in his Los Angeles synagogue, often orchestrates a collective “Romantic Shabbat” for young married couples. He reminds them that they may have barely communicated all week except for setling issues of scheduling and housekeeping but now they have an opportunity to have an I-Thou dialogue. Love and emotions may be communicated rather than information soundbites. Shabbat means to stop the rush of arrangements and projects and turn to one another for what we are and not for what we do. He tells them about the talmudic mandate to make love on Friday night – the colloquially named “double mitzvah”. It is called Onah – timely lovemaking- and it is also a form of Oneg Shabbat – pleasuring ourselves and others on Shabbat. But before making love the rabbis required romantic foreplay in words and gestures and emotional rapprochment.

He urges them to turn off all the lights and enjoy the Shabbat candles (which may be multiplied through out the house.He encourages them to hold one another, to snuggle and sway and sing. Using the Song of Songs they may declare their love and renew their commitment, using their own words they may bless and compliment one another, praising their unique blessings and gifts. Kiddush may be regarded as Kiddushin (the wedding ceremony)the blessing over the wine on Shabbat is comparable to the Sheva Brachot of wedding blessings recited under the Hupah and over the marital cup. They may choose to sip from the same cup as they did at the wedding and after removing their rings to wash their hands ritually before having hallah, they may slip their wedding rings back on each other’s finger and repeat the words of dedication – Ani L’Dodi v’Dodi li. The couple is now intertwined as were the cherubs over the ark of the Ten Commandments in the Temple.

Parent-Child Corner

If we have our children at the table, one may ask, is an expression of romance at the Shabbat table, appropriate? In our judgment, a Jewish answer would be “yes,” to reaffirm love in modest ways before one’s children is an essential lesson in a loving marriage. A parent is obligated to prepare a child for adulthood not only by teaching them Torah, instructing them in swimming and other survival skills and giving them vocational training. They must also provide the children with what is needed to marry (TB Kiddushin 29a). Some people interpret this as merely the duty to pay a dowry, to buy them nice clothes to make them attractive or to foot the bill of the wedding ceremony. However my teacher, Rabbi David Hartman, explains that parents must provide their children the “emotional

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intelligence” for living together in a relationship of love, compromise, appreciation and mutual forgiveness.

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Texts and Rituals for Shabbat Romance:Reaffirming a Love Relationship

Afterwards [as Shabbat comes in] one should wrap oneself up in a tallit, and call upon one's companions, one's wife, and one's household: "Let us go forth and greet the Shabbat queen!" They join together and

respond: "Come, O bride, come O bride!" Boi Kallah! Sefer ha-Qaneh 35

Shabbat is the time for renewing our relationship with our life partner as Reim Ahuvim – loving friends. The Rabbis commended Shabbat as the ideal time for lovemaking between husband and wife (TB Ketubot) and the Kabbalists reiterated this recommendation and suggested it has cosmic significance. Bringing together man and woman into a unity both physical and spiritual by making love on Shabbat evening reinforces the forces of love within the divine and human worlds as well as reconciling God and Israel. Much of the Friday night Shabbat ritual from L’cha Dodi in Kabbalat Shabbat to Kiddush is understood as a reenactment of a wedding ceremony. Some Eastern European couples would wear their wedding garb every Shabbat evening both because these were their best clothes with which to greet Shabbat and because it allowed them to relive and to reaffirm their relationship as an eternal Hatan and Kallah, bride and groom. Contemporary psychologists would certainly agree that a weekly romantic night with candle light, singing love songs and drinking wine would do any couple a world of good. Therefore you may wish to use the Shabbat meal to express in words and gestures our return to the Garden of Eden in which, as described in the wedding’s Sheva Brachot blessings, we were like “loving friends.”

What Biblical text might help us to renew our love? King Solomon is traditionally accredited with providing two special texts: Proverbs and Song of Songs. Some families use Eishet Hayil – the Book of Proverbs’ panegyric to the ideal homemaker - to give the husband and children a chance to honor this woman’s place in their hearts and home. However to capture the romantic aspect of the marriage, Song of Songs is even better and also more egalitarian since it is written both in the voice of the woman and the man. . (Many Sephardim sing the complete Song of Songs every Shabbat evening though their focus is on the love between Israel and God – a metaphoric and mystical reinterpretation of these sensuous love poems).

Consider using several of Solomon’s verses to speak of human love at the Shabbat table realizing that Divine love peaks at us through its earthly manifestations. Also examine the contemporary poem by Leonard Cohen. Out of the Land of Heaven by Leonard Cohen (The Spice-Box of Earth,1961)

Out of the land of heavenDown comes the warm Sabbath sun

Into the spice-box of earthThe Queen will make every Jew her love.

In a white silk coatOur rabbi dances up the street,

Wearing our lawns like a green prayer-shawl,Brandishing houses like silver flags.

Behind him dance his pupils,Dancing not so high

35 15th century Byzantium printed in Cracow: S. Diamant, 1894, 65b; Kimelman, op. cit., n. 82

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And chanting the rabbi's prayer,But not so sweet.

And who waits for himOn a throne at the end of the street

But the Sabbath Queen.Down go his hands

Into the spice-box of earth,And there he finds the fragrant sun

For a wedding ring,And draws her wedding finger through.

Now back down the street they go,Dancing higher than the silver flags.

His pupils somewhere have found wives too,And all are chanting the rabbi's songAnd leaping high in the perfumed air.

Who calls him Rabbi?Cart-horse and dogs call him Rabbi,

And he tells them:The Queen makes every Jew her lover

And gathering on their green lawnsThe people call him Rabbi,

And fill their mouths with good breadAnd his happy song.

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