“I never learn anything talking. I only learn things when I ask questions.”Lou Holtz

“If the person you are talking to doesn’t appear to be listening, be patient. It may simply be that he has a small piece of fluff in his ear.”Pooh’s Little Instruction Book, inspired by A.A. Milne

We thought that we had the answers, it was the questions we had wrong.Bono

Hypothetical questions get hypothetical answers.Joan Baez

Asking the right questions takes as much skill as giving the right answers.Robert Half

One mind can think only of its own questions; it rarely surprises itself.Orson Scott Card

The Art of Questioning:

Cultivating Effective Coaching

Conversations

The Critical Choice

To focus on the other person, attending carefully towhat he or she says, means, wants to say, thinks andfeelsOrTo focus on your message by countering what theother person says or reasserting what you have to say

Research has shown that…

•when you ask questions with clarity, others respond more appropriately.• confirming answers tends to prevent

escalation of negative behavior.• when questions stimulate a person to

think, a deeper level of understanding results.

• Deeper level of understanding allows you to communicate from the same pool of data.

• Understanding is not the same as agreeing.

• Being understood is a deep human need.

Caution against…Susan Scott’s Fierce Conversations

Delivering unclear messages, unclear coaching, and unclear instructions• If you have something to add, do it clearly

and succinctly.• If you have a request, make sure it is heard

and understood.

Caution against…Susan Scott’s Fierce Conversations

• Doing most of the talking• Really ask.• Really listen.• If it gets quiet, take a deep breath and wait.• As long as you are talking, you’re not

learning anything you didn’t already know.

Caution against…Susan Scott’s Fierce Conversations

• Allowing interruptions• Turn off your cell phone and your email

alert.• You cannot ‘be here’, prepared to be

nowhere else, when you are interrupted by beeps, buzzes, and bells.

Scott’s Secret RuleThe practice of taking the conversation away fromother people and making it about ourselves goes onall day, every day, and is a huge relationship killer anda waste of time. Nothing useful happens here. Even ifyour story is riveting, don’t tell it until yourcompanion has answered the question, “What do yousee as the next most potent step you need to take?” bywhich time you may conclude that the story youwanted to tell is not relevant.

Reflective Questions

• Sentence Prompts• “So you’re thinking that…• “Sounds like you’re concerned that…”• “You feel…because…”• “I’m hearing that…”• “Let me see if I understand what you are

saying…”

Open-ended Questions

• Allows other person to express what is on his/her mind, to tell you what he/she considers to be important

• Gives maximum latitude to speak freely

Closed-ended Questions

• Limit the length of the response to a few words

•Call for a precise piece of information

• The short response focuses directly on a specific point.

•Where can I sit that would make you feel most comfortable?•At what point in your lesson did you

feel the most successful?•What strategies in your lesson

would you like to improve?• In what areas do you want to be

coached?

Open or Closed

• At what point did you notice that most of your students were with you?• How would you know if your lesson was

successful?• How could I be the most help to you?• Did you know that you have excellent eye

contact with all students in the room?• In what areas do you want to be coached?

Phrasing to avoid

• Direct questions (especially “why”)• Rhetorical questions• Leading question• Veiled assertions (“Don’t you think that…”)• Any question where you can put the word

‘stupid’ at the end

You can do and use the skills that you have. The schools need you. The teachers need you. Students and parents need you. They need your actual person: your physical personhood and your open minds and open ears and boundless compassion, sitting next to them, listening and nodding and asking questions for hours at a time. -Dave Eggers