how to raise a child with high eq becoming a high eq parent

How to Raise a Child with High EQ

Becomin

g a High EQ

Parent

Chase Collegiate School 3/3/10

Essential Tasks

What must you teach your child about emotions?


The Good Enough Parent

Near-Perfection

Disappointment, Frustration and Optimal Failure

Sense of Self & Other


The Trouble with Perfection

If you know everything… no need for your child to communicate clearly

If you understand everything… no need for your child to understand self or others

If you protect from everything… no need for your child to become strong and wise

If you handle everything… no need for your child to be capable, resourceful and creative


Play is the

work of children

…Anna Freud


Definition of EQ

“a subset of social intelligence that involves the ability to…

…monitor one’s own and others’ feelings and emotions

…discriminate among them

…use this information to guide one’s thinking and actions”

(Salovey & Mayer 1989)


EQ Skills include…

Empathy Expressing &

understanding feelings Controlling one’s temper Independence Adaptability Being well-liked Interpersonal problem

solving Persistence Friendliness Kindness Respect


Similarities between EQ & IQ

Each is a mix of what we get & what we become Natural ability/ 10,000 hours Temperament/ Environment

Both develop step by step

Each impacts the other


Differences between IQ & EQINTELLIGENCE QUOTIENT

Measurable

Stable after Age 6

EMOTIONAL QUOTIENT

Not measurable, but recognizable

Grows and develops throughout life


“Good” & “Bad” Emotions

Emotions are natural responses, all part of one wide range of feeling and expression

Cutting off the “bad” ones impacts our ability to feel and express all the others

Ideas of which emotions are “bad” change over time

Parents may feel obligated to prevent their children from feeling or expressing “bad” emotions


Essentials for the High EQ Parent

Understand what’s essential

Know yourself and your style

Take an affirmative approach to caring and discipline


Parenting Style: Authoritarian Consistent and

strict rules Expects obedience

and respect Discourages

questions or opinions

Devoted to structure and tradition


Parenting Style: Permissive

Situational guidelines instead of rules

Passive expectations for behavior

Encourages questions and opinions

Devoted to accepting and nurturing children as individuals


The Middle Way: Authoritative Parenting

Balance clear limits with a nurturing approach

Give guidance and structure without being overly controlling

Explain decisions and allow children to have input, while remaining “the bottom line”

Value independence but hold high standards for responsibility to others

Encourage and praise competence


Know Yourself & Find your Balance

Accept Imperfection

Accept how you parent, and how you want to parent

Balance Yourself

Balance with Others


Affirmative Caring

Participate in a planned, active and reflective way

Follow your child’s lead

Praise honestly and accurately


Affirmative Discipline: Groundwork

Know your rules

Teach expectations

Prevent problems

Shape behavior


Affirmative Discipline: Responses

First step: Warning

Broken Rule: Punishment that’s immediate, appropriate & commensurate

Options: Learn to use a range of discipline techniques


Discipline Techniques

Reprimand

Natural consequence

Time-out

Taking away a privilege

Overcorrection

Behavior system


Upcoming Conversations

April 7: EQ Thinking Skills(Shapiro, Part 3)

May 5: Self-Motivation and Achievement Skills(Shapiro, Part 6)

how to raise a child with high eq becoming a high eq parent

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