HOW TO BEABDUCTEDBY ALIENS

SsThe truth isn’t out there, it ’s in here.

Watch the skies. Keep looking.

Page 4-5 Some commonly spotted UFOs6-7 Some commonly encountered aliens8-17 The Top 40 UK alien abduction hotspots18-19 How to be abducted by aliens in London: Interview with Christopher Martin20-21 Most Wanted: The 10 Britons most likely to be Abducted by Aliens22-23 How to tell if you’ve been abducted by aliens 24-25 The art of waiting26-27 How to wait to be abducted by aliens 28-30 The A to Z of alien abduction31 Listen up: What to listen to during your close encounter

FORWARD, CONTRIBUTORS

CONTENTS

Dear alien abductee,

There is no guarantee that you will be abductedby aliens once you have read this manual.We cannot predict who aliens will abduct next,or when they plan to abduct someone fromearth. It is not for us to know the wisdom ofvisitors from other worlds. But we know that theinformation in this manual will help you maximiseyour chances of being abducted by aliens.

The information here has been researched froma wide variety of sources in the UFOlogy andalien abduction community. By understandingmore about visitors from other worlds, the kindsof spacecraft they fly, the locations in whichthey’ve been sighted and the type of person theyusually abduct, you can prepare yourself as fullyas possible to be abducted by extra-terrestrials.

There is no certifiable proof that aliens exist,or that people have been abducted. But there is no proof that they don’t exist, and that manypeople haven’t been abducted.Abductees andUFOlogists typically have to fight againstwidespread scepticism of their claims.

What do we believe? We believe that it’s betterto believe.The key to your enjoying theexperience of alien abduction is learning how to wait, so take your time and enjoy this manual.We hope it will help you get the most out ofyour abduction by aliens.

Bon voyage!

The editor

Editor�in�chiefKevin Braddock

Associate editorRichard Benson

Contributing editorMark Hooper

Writer and researcherLiz McGrath

Thanks toChristopher Martin,

Margaret Fry, Russel Callaghan,

Jennifer Kabat and Alex Bilmes

IllustratorsAndrew RaeDave Brown

Devised, commissioned and

published byThe Fish Can Sing

Designed and produced by

Fibre

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The Foo FighterBright orbs of light of varying dimension from 10-100ft

Most commonly reported during World War II by pilots, and investigated by the Royal Navy and Home Office

In 2003 a man in Erdington claimed a small bright light which he described as �a Tinkerbell�fluttered through his house. Rose Gillespie andMarion Vance witnessed a green light aboveCraigneuk in Scotland. The light moved aroundtheir car before shooting off in the direction of Muirhouse

The DeltaTriangular or wing-shaped with lights on each corner

50-100 yards in length

Occasionally attributed as a Vulcan or B-2 Stealth Bomber, or a supposed �test� plane, the TR3B

Spotted over Hainault, in August 2003, where Grace Thomas and her friend Mel Rex observeda �squat oval shape� with bright lights and strange markings

The RingCircular or �blob� shape

60ft in length

Alternating flashes of colour

Allan Spick, 66, described a �hollow object� flashing red and yellow, 1,000 yards above his home in Belvoir Gardens, Lincolnshire in 2003. In September of 2003, Jim and Christine Webleyspotted a �strange blob-like sphere� in Bolsover, Derbyshire on three separate occasions

COME FLYWITH ME

SOME COMMONLY SPOTTED UFOS

The SaucerThe classic �flying saucer� shape, reminiscent of an upturned dish, often accompanied by flashing lights

Large variation in reported size and dimension

Easily forged by amateur hoaxers

Very common in sightings today

The CigarCylindrical, cigar or missile-shaped

Of varied size and length. Fast moving. Able toturn, change direction and stop at high speed

Former airline worker Douglas Wragg, 71, witnessed a cylinder-shaped flying object �like two rolls of carpets� which climbed to over20,000ft over Petts Hill in 2003

The British Isles attract a certain type of UFO. The following are listedin order of their frequency of visits.

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Reptoids5-7ft in height

Green leathery skin

Reptilian in appearance

Red eyes

Intelligent Reptoids are thought to control the Greys

Also known as: Alpha-Draconians, Altairians, Booteans, Nagas, Reticulans

Chupacabras3ft in height

Tan brown skin

Horned skull with elongated jaw

Red eyes

Distinctive ammonia smell

A former police officer walking the Yorkshire Moors near Ilkley in December 1987 encountered �a small entity with pointed ears and large dark eyes� which scampered off into a disc-shaped UFO

SOME COMMONLY ENCOUNTERED Aliens

Greys3-4ft in height

Grey

Large head with insectoid eyes, a small mouth

and no nose

Long, thin limbs

In 1995 a Gloucestershire man told the Cheltenham Psychic Research

Group that he was abducted from his car by �gangly humanoids about

4ft tall with grey skin, long, thin extremities, no nose, only a slit for

a mouth and wide black eyes�

Nordics6-8ft in height

Humanoid

Blond hair, Aryan appearance

Believed to resemble humans in order to interact with us and to help co-ordinate abductions

Also known as: Agharians, Anakim, Antarcticans, Atlans,Pleiadeans, Telosians

�Susan� from the North of England reported being abducted in the late Seventies by tall humanoid creatures with large eyes, pale skin and very blond hair

The Universe may be inhabited by billions of lifeforms, yet only a few

are known to visit Earth.The following have been repeatedly sighted

around the United Kingdom and are listed in order of their frequency

of sighting.

WE ARE YOURFRIENDS

Blues/GreensAppear in green or blue gaseous form

Mist engulfs pedestrians or motorcars

Benign

In 1991, Graham Holland says he was surrounded

in a green mist while working at Dover harbour.

He claims information was passed to him telepathically

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For more information please visit www.myalienabduction.co.uk

Logic suggests you’re most likely to be abducted from places aliens areknown to have visited, and this list is the definitive guide to alienactivity in the United Kingdom. Some locations exhibit a high

incidence of sightings while others report only one or two UFO visits– the locations have been ranked on a scale of one to ten accordingly.

While it’s clear that sightings can happen anywhere, aliens prefer to visitparticular places in the UK repeatedly. The distribution is such that fewpeople are more than one to two hours drive away from a likely alien

abduction spot.The top ten hotspots are listed below.

Bonnybridge, Lanarkshire, Scotland

Cley Hill, Wiltshire

The Great Orme, Llandudno, North Wales

Bedhampton, Hampshire

Walthamstow, London

Bonsall, Derbyshire

Rendlesham Forest, Suffolk

Bexleyheath, Kent

Glastonbury Tor, Somerset

Lewisham, London

40Where to be abducted:

top uk hotspots

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and London UFO Network)reports ‘thousands of sightings in Walthamstow and Chingfordover the last 50 years.’These havepeaked since 1999. In 1968 busdriver Bob Fall almost crashedbecause of a UFO.‘Somethingcame towards me very fast. It flewstraight across the road and therewas a loud crash as it struck thebank of the river Lea.The craftwas at least 9ft long, cigar-shapedand silver.’The police dredged the river but found nothing.

The SouthBasingstoke, HampshireAbductability: 4UFO Type: Foo FightersAn anonymous woman joined the M3 in 2003 and saw brightstrobe-like lights in the sky.‘I looked up and there were twobright circular lights that weremoving around low in the sky,’she recalled.

Bedhampton, HampshireAbductability: 9UFO Type: Rings, SaucersIn 2002 Anthony Woods filmed a fleet of UFOs over Bedhampton.An astonished Woods said, ‘therewere hundreds of white luminousspheres above my home thatseemed to be performingsophisticated manoeuvres inperfect formation.’

Brighton, East SussexAbductability: 5UFO Type: Rings, Saucers

In August, 2000, a Brighton Police helicopter chased a UFO.The craft appeared alongside the chopper at 1,000ft above the town. Sergeant John Ticknerwatched the glowing objectfloating outside the windowbefore disappearing into thedistance.They chased the mysteryobject for three minutes beforereturning to base.

Chingford, EssexAbductability: 7UFO Type: Rings,Deltas, SaucersChingford has experienced a waveof UFO reportings over the last20 years.An anonymous residentsaid, ‘I saw a peculiar object whichlooked unnatural, like somethingyou would see in a science fictionfilm. I could see that it was black and triangular in shape.Then I saw it spiral upwards intothe clouds at an amazing speed.’

Clacton-on-Sea, EssexAbductability: 7UFO Type: Saucers,Cigars, DeltasReports made to Essex UFOresearch groups suggest Clacton-on-Sea is a hotbed of UFOactivity. In September 2000, aholidaymaker photographed asaucer over Clacton Pier. He said,‘it was shaped like a disc and was hanging in the sky, totallymotionless.Then it moved off out to sea and disappeared intothe skyline.’

LondonAldgateAbductability: 9UFO Type:Foo Fighters, SaucersChristopher Martin filmed UFOs from on top of Denning Point tower block in Aldgate in broad daylight.The footage shows manysmall bright circular lights movingaround at high speeds.

Clapham CommonAbductability: 3UFO Type: Foo FightersAn anonymous couple reported two moving objects travellingparallel to each other as theystrolled across the common.‘At first we thought they weresatellites,’ they said, ‘but we realisedthey were moving much tooquickly for satellites or commercialaircraft.Then they started movingaround each other as if they werecircling something.’

LimehouseAbductability: 4UFO Type: Foo FightersIn July 1989 a stream of phonecalls were made to Scotland Yardby East Londoners seeing strangelights in the sky.The lights werereported from Limehouse toHackney to Leytonstone, and asfar away as Brighton.

LewishamAbductability: 8UFO Type: Foo Fighters,Saucers, Cigars

In 2001 Christopher Martin filmeda UFO in Lewisham being chasedby a police helicopter. He says,‘It was about 9.30pm and we couldsee the helicopter focusing itssearchlight on the UFO.’ Retiredaviation enthusiast Douglas Wraggsaw a UFO fly over his backgarden in Lewisham in August2003.What he saw was ‘nothingto do with aviation – I initiallythought it was a kite but ruledthat out when it climbed to about 20,000ft.’

StreathamAbductability: 5UFO Type: SaucersA young businessman viewed ‘something bright moving across the sky’. He saw it was a disc with flashing on its base. ‘I didn’t believe in UFOs but after seeingthis I had to change my mind,’he said.

The ThamesAbductability: 7UFO Type:Foo Fighters, SaucersNick Pope, former employee of the MOD UFO unit, wascontacted by commuters who had seen a UFO from WaterlooBridge, hovering over the Thamesone evening before moving off at high speed.

WalthamstowAbductability: 9UFO Type: Foo Fighters,Saucers, Rings, CigarsRoy Hale from ELUFON (Essex

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Keighley,YorkshireAbductability: 3UFO Type: Rings, SaucersUFO activity peaked here in1999. Jeanette Khan saw a silverball encircled by lights hoveringover trees in Keighley. Similar orbswere seen over Haworth ParishChurch. Russ Kellet of UFOInternational Research Associationsaid ‘we have received about threereports a week, which is incredible.’

LiverpoolAbductability: 6UFO Type: Foo Fighters, DeltasBright, fast-moving orange lightsare regularly reported overLiverpool, the Mersey and Wirral.Eric Morris took superb video of three saucers near LiverpoolAirport in 2003.The video showsthe UFOs following an aeroplaneon the approach.

Loughborough, LeicestershireAbductability: 4UFO Type: Foo FightersIn 1999 Adam Greaves and JaneHarms of Loughborough saw aball of light shoot past their car.Greaves said, ‘it wasn’t a shootingstar, aircraft or comet.We weredriving at about 60mph, but itwas a lot faster than us.’

ManchesterAbductability: 7UFO Type: Saucers, DeltasManchester pilots have reported a number of unexplained ‘near-misses’. In 1995 a Boeing 737 was overtaken by a wedge-shaped

craft. Captain Roger Wills reportedthe UFO flashed silently downthe side of the jet so close that hisco-pilot involuntarily ducked.The pilots filed a formal ‘airmiss’report, but a year-long inquiryfound no explanation.

NottinghamAbductability: 8UFO Type: Saucers,Foo Fighters, DeltasIn May 1991 hundreds of peoplesaw huge low – flying objects overNottingham. Mrs Sylvester ofCalverton Village said ‘a distantaircraft caught my attention. I thenbecame aware of four large orangeor white spotlights in the shape of a cross.As they passed overhead,I heard a deep humming noise.’

Rivington, nr Bolton,LancashireAbductability: 5UFO Type:Foo Fighters, RingsA number of unexplainedsightings in 2003. One man saw‘two flying circles of light, oneinside the other’ above Rivington.Four weeks later a woman inAdlington reported a similar sightover Winter Hill. In 1979 a pilotflying over Bolton saw a brightcircular object about 12 metresacross moving below him. It wasmoving at 250 mph.

King’s Lynn, NorfolkAbductability: 6UFO Type: Deltas,Rings, SaucersThe Andrews family claim thattheir son Jason has been repeatedlyabducted. Investigator Tony Doddis convinced their story is true.‘Having been selected for multipleabductions,’ he said,‘I feel the alienswill follow Jason for many yearsto come, probably all his life.’Dodd helped the family write theirlandmark 1998 account,‘The TrueStory of Alien Abduction’.

KentAbductability: 8UFO Type: Rings, Saucers,Cigars, DeltasSaltwood,Aylseford and Snodlandhave all reported UFO sightingsand landings.Veteran investigatorMargaret Fry saw a UFO land inBexleyheath in 1950. An anonymousspotter saw ‘a large black triangularcraft with three red-coloured discson its undercarriage.The black craftwas a perfect triangle, with nojagged edges or visible rear tailfin.’

Rendlesham Forest, SuffolkAbductability: 9UFO Type: Rings, DeltaAn incident from December 1980 has become the UK’s own‘Roswell’. Following reports of a possible air crash near RAFWoodbridge, security officersdiscover a triangular metallicobject in the forest covered withstrange symbols.A log at nearby

Woodbridge police station reports ‘lights in the sky’ and that‘Rendlesham Forest had been lit up by a white light.’ OfficerCharles Halt at RAF Woodbridgeconfirmed he saw the objectpulsating with red and blue lights.The incident remains shrouded in mystery.

The Midlands & The NorthBonsall, DerbyshireAbductability: 9UFO Type: Saucers,Foo Fighters, RingsIn June 2001, Sharon Rowlandsfilmed a UFO flying above herhome.The film was described as ‘one of the most importantpieces of footage ever taken’.Sharon said, ‘it was huge – itappeared to expand and then get smaller as it hovered in thesky. It was covered with yellow,orange and blue lights.’ Bonsallresidents recorded 20 furthersightings in a few months.

Fleetwood, LancashireAbductability: 3UFO Type: SaucersFleetwood has experienced a wave of UFO activity sinceJanuary 2003. Eight people fromthe same street have seen,photographed and independentlyvideotaped some ‘absolutelyincredible’ UFO activity abovetheir home and off-shore.

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The Great Orme, LlandudnoAbductability: 9UFO type: Saucers, Deltas,Foo FightersIn November 1997, there weremultiple sightings of UFOs overthe Great Orme, varying from‘frightening lights’ to ‘a craft thesize of a football pitch’.A familydriving their car was overshadowedby a purple triangular craft overhead.They ‘lost’ five hours of time.

Penzance, CornwallAbductability: 4UFO type: Rings, Deltas In 1997 town crier Phillip Glettwitnessed ‘a large rugby ball-shapedlight in the night sky. I watched itfor a good 20 minutes, and cansay it wasn’t like any aircraft Ihave seen, nor was it a balloon.The light continued to glow withits unmistakeable golden colourand then vanished without a trace.’

Plymouth, DevonAbductability: 7UFO type: Rings,Saucers, CigarsIn February 2004 Bob Boydproduced some of the best everphotographs of saucers hoveringabove St. Budeaux in Plymouth.Experts have confirmed they are genuine.

Tor Hill, Glastonbury, SomersetAbductability: 9UFO Type: Saucers,Foo Fighters, DeltasThe sight of intensive paranormalactivity. In 1989 workers saw

a saucer-shaped object hover over the Tor and a fiery-red ballappeared over the hill and thenmoved rapidly over Glastonbury.In 1990 a police officer saw eightegg-shaped objects in formationover the Tor.

ScotlandAberdeen, AberdeenshireAbductability: 4 UFO type: Deltas, Foo FightersFireballs have been seen streakingacross Aberdeen’s skies, and UFOsare regularly reported. ResidentMrs Davies observed up to 15bright orbs over her back garden.

Bonnybridge, LanarkshireAbductability: 9UFO type: Saucers, Deltas,Cigars, Rings, Foo FightersThe ‘UFO capital of the UK’.There have been thousands ofreported sightings in the area.Stirling-based expert RonHalliday suggested Bonnybridgecould be ‘a window into anotherdimension’. In 1989 a fire crewattending a blaze at GradrumMoss witnessed Foo Fighters that circled the firemen at close range before moving off at high speed.

Scarborough,YorkshireAbductability: 8UFO Type: Deltas, Rings,Foo FightersIn 1998 the RAF tracked a UFO‘as big as a battleship’ off the coastof Scarborough. Fighters werescrambled but unable to keep up.A source said, ‘it was definitelyunder control, judging bymanoeuvres it executed. It appearedto be triangular and was almost900ft long.’

Stratford-Upon-Avon,WarwickshireAbductability: 5UFO Type: Saucers, Foo FightersIn 1994, a woman saw ‘a disc-shaped, brightly-coloured UFO.It was emanating orange and pink light, hovering and making a humming noise.’After a fewseconds, the object sped off atspeed in a northerly direction.‘We were all gobsmacked,’ thewoman said.

Wales & the WestThe Berwyn Mountains, PowysAbductability: 8UFO type:Foo Fighters, SaucersSite of a claimed UFO crash in 1974. Reports state that locals were certain a disaster hadoccurred, and most thought an aeroplane had crashed.Yet authorities have refused to acknowledge that anythingunusual took place.

Broad Haven, DyfedAbductability: 7UFO type: Deltas, CigarsThere were hundreds of sightingsover Pembrokeshire in the mid tolate-Seventies. In 1977 14 pupilsat Broad Haven Primary Schoolclaimed to witness a cigar-shapedcraft land in a field next to their playground.

Cley Hill, nr Salisbury plain,Warminster,WiltshireAbductability: 9UFO type: Rings, Saucers,Cigars, Deltas, Foo FightersThousands of people acrossWiltshire have observed strangelights and objects in the sky overthe last 50 years, centering aboveCley Hill’s iron age hill fort.Sightings took off in the 1960swith lights and rings being seentime and time again. Locals referto them as ‘The Thing’.

Denbigh, North WalesAbductability: 4UFO type: Rings, SaucersIn 1974 two women leavingDenbigh Hospital saw a brightlight hang in the sky for severalminutes before rocketing away at great speed. Sightings arefrequently reported over theDenbigh Moors. One man saw ‘a black triangle with red lightshovering very low over themoors. It shot off faster than I have ever seen any plane move.’

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Cumbernauld, LanarkshireAbductability: 9UFO type: Saucers, Deltas,Foo FightersIn February 2003 a UFO appearedin the sky above Kingsgate RetailPark, causing drivers to bump theircars. Several people saw a hugesilver object in the sky at 8.45amon a very clear day.A local womansaid, ‘It looked like the dishes you see on the side of televisiontransmitters. It was huge… andpulsating.Then it just suddenlydisappeared.’

FifeAbductability: 6UFO type: Deltas, CigarsIn 1996 two couples wereallegedly taken in their car from a country road.They discovered a craft hovering above a field andhundreds of small figures in thefields.‘They were all busily workingand seemed to be supervised byone alien in particular’, said one of the women.The ‘cocoon-like’craft approached the car.Theybelieve they were taken becausethey have experienced flashbacks,‘the little ones were smiling at me’,the abductee added

Kilbride, LanarkshireAbductability: 8UFO type: Saucers,Deltas, CigarsScotland’s ‘UFO BermudaTriangle’ exists betweenEdinburgh, Stirling and EastKilbride. Kenny McDonald, 37,

of East Kilbride saw, ‘two redlights in the sky, practically overmy house.They moved in a waythat no helicopter or a planecould move, and there was nosound. Both of them swoopedright down to ground level and went into nearby woods and vanished.’

StirlingAbductability: 7UFO type: Deltas, Rings,SaucersOn 20th March 2003 BrianMcPhee filmed a grey-colouredobject in broad daylight. Deltas andsaucers have also been seen to passdirectly over Stirling Castle.

Northern IrelandCounty DownAbductability: 4UFO type: SaucersIn 1999 Harry Welsh, 42, spotteda saucer flying offshore. Harrytook 35 seconds of footage of the saucer over the Irish Sea,flying in a north-westerlydirection at an altitude of 1,500ft.The object stopped a few timesbefore disappearing at very highspeed.Alan Sewell of the Centreof Irish UFO Studies said, ‘It isnot a conventional aircraft.It’s unidentified.’

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The second, Martin explains, is that alien sightings and abductions takeplace more often in the countryside than in the city.Yet city-dwellersreporting many more sightings and abductions. In 2001, Martin shot

extraordinary footage from the top floor of Denning Point tower blockin Aldgate East, where a silver spherical object is seen flying towards

him and hovering above.

Martin now devotes the majority of his time to skywatching. ‘Aliensnormally show themselves on clear days, with little cloud,’ he says.

‘If you’ve got a large back garden with a good view of the sky then thatwill suffice. Failing that, take to the streets and find a nice large plot

of land, such as Wanstead Flats or Hampstead Heath where you can sitdown and watch the sky.

‘I find that meditating beforehand will help you to concentrate andpossibly to communicate with the aliens through telepathy,’ he adds.‘If you see a craft in the sky you should concentrate on it and try to

speak to it through telepathy. Calmly tell them your name and ask themto take you away.’

But keen adbuctees needn’t stay within the street of the capital, Martinargues.A spin on the orbital routes and arteries of the capital are ideal

alien abduction ‘UFOecals’ – which have a clear view of the sky infront and a quiet road, aliens can follow easily. You may notice that your

radio becomes crackled – FM frequency loss is a common indicator of an impending abduction.And ‘lost time’ – the unaccountable hours

between first sighting aliens and returning to normal consciousness – means your dashboard clock might not be much use either.

Chris has very little memory of his own abduction by aliens severalyears ago, but he relishes being taken again. ‘It’s frustrating not being

able to remember exactly what happened. Often they will put ‘screen’memories in your brain, to cover up the memory of the abduction.

Images of owls often appear in people’s minds, probably because withtheir big eyes they bear a resemblance to the Greys. Even if you

remember nothing at first, something usually happens at some pointwhere it permeates your consciousness and you start to remember

pieces until it all comes flooding back.’

He has no idea when the next visit is planned. But in the heart of theEast End Christopher Martin continues to watch the skies. He knows

the visitors aren’t far away.

HOW TO BE ABDUCTED BY ALIENS IN LONDON

The visitors are here. London skies are swarming with unidentifiedflying objects. In the past few years UFOs have regularly been visiting

areas of London including Shoreditch,Walthamstow, Chingford,Leytonstone,Aldgate,Whitechapel, Lewisham and Crystal Palace.

There have been myriad sightings of spherical objects, black trianglesand cigar-shaped UFOs.

Forty-three-year-old Christopher Martin has emerged as an expert onthe UFOlogy of the capital.An East Londoner, he regularly gives talks

and appears on TV, while his book ‘Intruders in the Night’ intimatelydocuments his own experience of alien sighting and abduction.

‘You can be abducted by aliens anywhere and at any time,’ saysChristopher, ‘but the classic abduction is where you’re lying in bed

and you’re awakened by a bright light.You become paralysed and arelifted or floated out of your room, often through the walls, and broughtonto a spaceship. Experiments are carried out on you, and you are then

put back into bed.’

Martin is far from traumatised by his alien abduction of several yearsago. On the contrary – the experience filled him with a thirst to

discover more about our alien friends, and he now devotes time tobreaking down misconceptions around UFOs and extra-terrestrial

abduction.The first of which is that the best time to be abducted byaliens is at night – 90 per cent of UFO sightings have been on veryclear days.Aliens will happily take you as you’re sunbathing in your

back garden.

The age of the ‘urban alien abduction’ is here. Expert LONDON-BASED UFOlogist Christopher

Martin explains how to lift off from London.

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David Bowie, rock star, 57Bowie repeatedly invoked space travel, aliens and cosmology in hissongs, suggesting profound knowledge of other worlds.At the height of his rock star excesses, Bowie became convinced that aliens weretrying to abduct him – the extra-terrestrials clearly had good taste in music.

Bjork, singer, 38The eccentric singer is possessed of a fierce intelligence and is an activevoice in the environmental lobby. ‘All the modern things/Like cars andsuch/Have always existed/They’ve just been waiting in a mountain/Forthe right moment,’ she sang, clearly hinting at knowledge of unknowncivilisations.

Jay Kay, singer, 35Jay Kay’s hellraising profile masks a thoughtful character with profoundenvironmental concern – his debut single ‘When You Gonna Learn?’discoursed on man’s destruction of nature. Regular spins from hiscountry mansion in his cars also provide aliens with ample opportunityto abduct the natty popstar.

Sir Patrick Moore, astronomer, 81The venerable astronomer has placed himself at risk of alien abductionthroughout his life, spending the majority of his time scrutinising thenight skies. His extensive knowledge of outer space fully qualifies himfor a trip through the Universe aboard an alien craft.

Jenson Button, racing driver, 24Jenson’s love of the open road has taken him to the champion’s grid of Formula 1 – but could it put him at risk of abduction by aliens? He enjoys mountain biking and snowboarding – adventure pursuits thatlead him into remote territories perfect for alien abduction.

Kim Wilde, gardener, 43Kim Wilde traded life as a pop star to spend more time with her plants,and is emerging as a celebrity gardener. Living in rural Hertfordshire,she enjoys long countryside walks and spends a lot of time in hergarden during which abduction by aliens becomes a strong possibility.

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Aliens are not stupid.They do not select candidates for abduction on the basis of their wealth, looks, ability to sing or dance, or on thestraightness of their hair, knowledge of soap plotlines or current affairs.Research has shown aliens abduct a certain kind of human – peoplewith intelligence, good communication skills, environmental concernand a sense of adventure.They may also drive or take walks in lonelyplaces.The following candidates closely match this profile, and are likelyto be abducted by aliens at any moment.

Johnny Wilkinson, rugby player, 24The unassuming England XV player maintains a low profile, but hisquiet intelligence and physical strength shout loud.A man who standsapart, he is routinely found in the remotest regions of the pitch, silentlywaiting.Adept at catching flying objects,Wilkinson is the dream alien abductee.

Brian May, guitarist, 57Queen’s wild-haired guitar hero Brian May exhibited a keen interest in the cosmos by choosing to read Physics & Infrared Astronomy atImperial College. If we believe the wisdom of Withnail & I’s Danny– ‘Hair are your aerials.They pick up signals from the cosmos’ – Brianmay already be in contact with aliens.

Alan Titchmarsh, gardener, 53With an appeal transcending age, sex and class boundaries, affable BBCgardener Alan Titchmarsh is one of the country’s leading communicators.When he talks, the nation listens in. Extensive periods of time spentalone in gardens place Alan at high risk of abduction by aliens.

Ellen Macarthur, yachtswoman, 27Demonstrating superior physical and mental strength, yachtswomanEllen Macarthur sailed single-handedly around the world. Being aloneon the high seas for weeks at a time mean Ellen is a likely candidate for alien abduction.

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most wantedThe 10 Britons most likely to be abducted by aliens

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HAVE YOU EVER BEEN ABDUCTED BY

ALIENS?Many people may have been abducted by aliens without knowing it.They may have experienced lost time and be unable to explainmarkings on their skin.They may relive confused visions of otherworlds and strange beings.They may also be afraid to tell othersthrough fear of appearing insane. If any of this seems familiar to you,it could be a sign that you have been abducted by aliens.Take thisquestionnaire to discover the truth.

Have you ever gone to bed in one place and woken in another withoutknowing how? Yes/No

Are there periods of hours or minutes you cannot account for? Yes/No

Have you recently taken longs walks or drives in remote countryside? Yes/No

Do you have any alien-type marks on your body? Yes/No

Do you often suffer from headaches or migraines? Yes/No

Have you recently been inspired to save the world from ecologicaldisaster? Yes/No

Do you feel you have recently received vital information for the future of mankind that you must communciate to as many people as possible? Yes/No

Have you recently experienced a strong feeling of déjà vu? Yes/No

In your déjà vu, can your recall:Being surrounded by short humanoid figures? Yes/NoBeing examined or communicating in a non-verbal language?Yes/noBeing in unfamiliar surroundings – inside a spacecraft, for example? Yes/no

Do you ever get the feeling that others view you with suspicion,or think you are insane? Yes/No

Do you ever feel you have been in some way ‘chosen’? Yes/no

Have you recently been engulfed by clouds of green or blue smoke or gas? Yes/No

Can you read others’ minds, or understand what people are trying totell you without hearing their voices? Yes/No

Have you ever seen a UFO? Yes/No

Have you ever seen an alien? Yes/No

Do you spend a long time in the garden? Yes/No

Have you ever flown through the air? Yes/No

Have you noticed men wearing black suits and sunglasses observing you closely? Yes/No

Do you have the feeling that you are being watched by something or someone you cannot see or name? Yes/No

Results1-5 Yes answersIt is unlikely that you have been abducted by aliens. But this is noguarantee that extra-terrestrials haven’t earmarked you for a visit.

6-12 Yes answersYou may have been abducted by aliens, or may have been chosen forabduction in the future.To find out how to get the most from anyforthcoming alien abduction, please consult the rest of this manual.

More than 13 Yes answers It is extremely likely that you have been abducted by aliens.You havebeen chosen from among six billion people on earth by aliens wishingto make contact with humans. But you may not be alone – manythousands of people have had experiences similar to yours. Since aliensare known to abduct chosen individuals repeatedly, it is also very likelythat you may be abducted by aliens again in the future.

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Modern philosophy can also help. In his Situationist classic ‘The CritiqueOf Everyday Life’, Henri Lefebvre argued that life is dominated by themeaningless and the trivial. For Lefebvre, capitalism’s emphasis on theconsumption alienated us from our true selves.The philosopher wasinterested in freeing us from this condition. Guy Debord elaborated onthis thought in ‘The Society Of The Spectacle’. In a world where everythingbecomes a commodity, what are we to do? The answer is to wait.

But wait for what? Such a question is typical of those still in a state ofhuman bondage, unable to escape the world of commodities. Our onlyduty is to learn how to wait: to empty our minds of all thought, to achievea yogic sense of calm and attunement.We must create the habit of‘drifting’ – not looking for the meaning in the everyday, but in allowingconsciousness to impose its own meaning from above. Only then willthe supreme, divine being reveal itself to us: only then will we achieverelease from this world.

There are few things that mankind is more ill-equipped to do thanwait. Elevating the creative spirit, we define ourselves by what we do.Yet throughout history every culture has held patience to be a virtue.If we didn’t find waiting so difficult, it wouldn’t be a virtue.Those trulycommitted to being abducted by aliens must first learn the heroic art of waiting.

This is not as easy as it seems. It is typical of the human condition thatthe more time we have to do nothing, the more diversions we invent tooccupy ourselves.The modern concept of leisure is a false constructthat alienates us from our being. In order to become reconciled withtrue nature, we must first instil within ourselves a sense of patience.

The Buddhists listed Patience (ksanti) as one of the perfections requiredto attain the enlightenment of Buddhahood. Christianity has longequated self-denial with saintliness, believing that the ascetic life releasesthe soul from bondage to the body, allowing for union with the divine.This notion is directly sought through self-control and patience.Through the renunciation of petty desire the disciple aims to achievethe ultimate goal of life – moksa (release). For those who believeancient religions found their roots through contact with extra-terrestriallife, the idea of release and union with a ‘divine’ being could point toone thing: alien abduction.

THE ART OF

WAITING

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The key to preparing yourself for alien abduction is to remember the‘C.O.O.L’ acronym:

ComposureOpportunityOrganisationLocation

Composure: To be abducted by aliens, first compose yourself.Clear your mind of day-to-day worries, gather yourself physically andbecome at one with your spirit. Open your mind and concentrate onthe sky.Wait.

Opportunity: Provide your alien abductors with the best possiblechance to take you away. Book out entire bank holidays and have as many evenings as possible free for your abduction.

Organisation: Be prepared. Carry an ‘alien abductee pack’ at all times,including: tinned food and hot drink in case the alien diet is not to your liking. Some beer – to encourage conviviality in the aliens.An atlas to explain where you are from.Warm clothing: hat, scarf, gloves– it can be cold in the thin atmosphere of space.A good book – alienabductions often mean a lot of waiting around.

Location: Try to find an area of countryside or garden. Moors andplains used for military exercises are perfect, since locals will not thinkthe odd flash of light or loud noise to be unusual.

You are now ready to be abducted by aliens.

HOW TO WAIT FOR

ALIENS

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K is for KeyThe five notes the scientists keepplaying to get the spaceships’attention in ‘Close Encounters OfThe Third Kind’ are played in thekey of B flat.The notes are: B flat,C,A flat, (octave lower) A flat, Eflat.There is no guarantee thatyou will hear these notes whenyou become abducted by aliens.

L is for Lucid DreamThe psychological state of beingawake while dreaming, which hasstrong parallels to many alienabduction experiences.

M is for Men In Black A mysterious group that shows up to intimidate witnesses of UFOsightings and related phenomenathe government does not wantthe public to know about.

N is for Neil ArmstrongThe first man on the moon isreported to have insisted thataliens have a base on the Moon.The aliens told him to ‘get off and stay off the Moon.’

P is for Pope, NickThe eminent British UFOlogistwho manned the MOD’s UFOsightings desk for many years.

Q is for QueenGuitarist Brian May is a notedskywatcher.

R is for Regression, HypnoticThe most commonly used therapyto help abductees come to termswith their experience.

S is for the SETI ProjectThe Search For Extra TerrestrialIntelligence. Based at BerkleyUniversity in the USA, the project uses a global network of 3,000,000 computers to search for signs of life in space.Sign up your computing powerand make contact athttp://setiathome.ssl.berkeley.edu/

T is for TelepathyAlien abductees report becomingaware of messages and speech intheir heads without having heardanyone talk.

U is for UFOThe British heavy metal bandwho had seven UK hit singles inthe Eighties.The band reformedin 1985 with a bassist calledAtomic Tommy M.

A is for AmericaAs many as four million Americansbelieve they have been abductedby aliens.

B is for BelgiumHome of the Surrealist UFOsighting. One man was terrifiedby a ‘flying steeple with windows’and seven people reported a flyingflower pot with antennae.

C is for Close EncounterThere are five kinds of CloseEncounter: CE1: a sighting of a UFO at close range (within600ft). CE2: an encounter whichleaves some physical trace asevidence of a UFO sighting.CE3: A sighting of alien beings.No direct communication.CE4: an onboard UFO abductionexperience. CE5: deliberatehuman behaviour which wasfollowed by an obvious responsefrom the UFO and/or Humanoid.

D is for DeathNo-one has ever been killed byan alien abduction.

E is for Energy Field ExtractionMany alien abductions involve theextraction of conscious energyfrom the subject’s body, employingthe use of an extraction beam.

F is for Foo FighterDave Grohl’s nu-metal group wasnamed after the spheres of lightobserved chasing US bomberplanes during World War II.

G is for GardenAfter roads and bedrooms, thegarden is the most common place from which to be abductedby aliens.

H is for HoaxThe most newsworthy UFO hoaxwas conducted by a team led by Chris Harries, who constructed a flying saucer and flew it overAvebury in 2003. It cost around£50,000 to build.

I is for Identificationwww.earthbounddog.com sellsdog tags for humans to wear inthe event of an alien abduction.

J is for John, Sir EltonIn his 1972 hit ‘Rocket Man’,Elton John hinted at hisknowledge of alien abduction.He sang, ‘I miss the earth somuch, I miss my wife/It’s lonelyout in space/On such a timelessflight.’ Does he know somethingwe don’t?

the A–Z OF ALIENABDUCTION

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LISTEN UPiPod> playlists> alien abduction!!!>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

Lionel Richie – Hello >> Fatboy Slim – You’ve Come a Long Way Baby >> Photek– UFO >> John Williams – Close Encounters Of The Third Kind >> Frank Sinatra– Strangers In the Night >> Oasis – Up In the Sky >> The Timelords – Doctorin’The Tardis >> Pink Floyd – Speak To Me >> Basement Jaxx – Fly Life >> EltonJohn – Rocket Man >> Super Furry Animals – Rings Around The World >> Air– Surfin’ On A Rocket >> The Beastie Boys – Intergalactic >> Gustav Holst – ThePlanets Suite >> Russ Abbott – Atmosphere >> The KLF – 3AM Eternal >> U2 –Bullet The Blue Sky >> DJ Godfather – Aliens Ate My 303 >> Afrika Bambaataa& Soul Sonic Force – Planet Rock >> The Fifth Dimension – Up, Up & Away >>Joy Division – Transmission >> UFO – Unidentified Flying Object >> Led Zeppelin– Stairway to Heaven>> The Prodigy – Out of Space >> The Tornadoes – Telstar>> Interdimensional Frequencies – Space Invaders Are Smoking Grass >>The Beatles – Magical Mystery Tour >> Led Zeppellin – Misty Mountain Hop >>Bjork – It’s Oh So Quiet >> U2 – Mothers Of The Disappeared >> Stardust – MusicSounds Better With You >> Zapp – (Everybody) Get Up >> Madness – One StepBeyond >> The Kinks – You Really Got Me >> Royksöpp – In Space >> The Rolling Stones – Let’s Spend The Night Together >> Hawkwind – SilverMachine >> The Proclaimers – I’m Gonna Be (500 Miles) >> Moby – We are AllMade Of Stars >> Michael Jackson – Thriller >> Alien Sex Fiend – (E.S.T.) Trip To The Moon >> Black Sabbath – Paranoid >> Model 500 – No UFOs >> Layo & Bushwacka! – Nightstalking >> Will Smith – Men In Black >> Kate Bush –Wuthering Heights >> The Beatles – Nowhere Man >> Joe Satriani – Surfing withthe Alien >> Laibach – Message From The Black Star >> Mogwai – Angels VersusAliens >> Naked Funk – Alien Groove Sensation >> Outkast – ATLiens >> The Rollins Band – Alien Blueprint >> Sisters of Mercy – Black Planet >> PublicEnemy – Fear Of A Black Planet >> Chic – Le Freak >> Roni Size/Reprazent –New Forms >> Basement Jaxx – Red Alert >> Grandmaster Flash & The FuriousFive – The Message >> Air – Moon Safari >> Iggy Pop – The Passenger >> JamesBrown – Get Up (I Feel Like Being A) Sex Machine >> Lou Reed – Satellite Of Love>> Frank Sinatra – Come Fly With Me >> Stevie Wonder – Higher Ground >>Talking Heads – This Must Be The Place >> Foremost Poets – Moonraker >> DaftPunk – Around The World >> The Firm – Star Trekkin’ >> The Velvet Underground– I’m Waiting For The Man >> Daft Punk – Face To Face > Linton Kwesi Johnson– Five Nights Of Bleeding >> The Chemical Brothers – Galaxy Bounce >> JackieWilson – Higher & Higher >> Franz Ferdinand – Take Me Out >> The Doors – TheCrystal Ship >> The Stone Roses – What TheWorld Is Waiting For >> The Beatles– Across The Universe >>> BasementJaxx & Dizzee Rascal – Lucky Star >> DavidBowie – Starman >> Kiss – These Are Crazy Nights >> Donna Summer – I FeelLove >> Jamie Principal – Baby Wants To Ride >> Wham! – I’m Your Man >> Joe Smooth – Promised Land >> Joey Beltram – Energy Flash >> The Sun Ra Arkestra – Space Is The Place >> Adonis – No Way Back >> ATB – 9pm (Till I Come) >> Air – Kelly Watch The Stars >> Extra T – Extra T’s ET Boogie >>

V is for The VaticanFactions within the RomanCatholic hierarchy believe inUFOs. ‘It is reasonable to believeand affirm that extra-terrestrialsexist,’Theologian Father CorradoBalducci told The Times in 1998.‘Their existence can no longer be denied.’

W is for WaitingThe key skill in being abductedby aliens.

X is for The X FilesAgent Scully shares her surnamewith one of the forefathers ofUFOlogy: Frank Scully who wrotea sensational book entitled ‘BehindThe Flying Saucers in the 1950s.’

Y is for YouAs you experience alien abduction,your disposition may change tobecome more positive.You maychoose to describe yourself as a ‘contactee’, ‘experiencer’or ‘participant’.

Z is for ZreckSteven Spielberg’s name for thelead alien in the abandoned sequelto ‘ET’, ‘Nocturnal Fears’. ET and Zreck were plastic models,whereas aliens are real.

B is for Belgium

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