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Helping Parents Deal with Bullying in Children’s Lives

Kristie Mewis

Boston BreakersTorey Krug

Boston Bruins

Aly Raisman

Team USA

Gymnastics

Andrew Farrell

New England

Revolution

Mookie Betts

Boston Red Sox

Martin Bowes

Boston Cannons

Terry Rozier

Boston Celtics

Patrick Chung

New England

Patriots

Cydney Ross

BAA

OUR TEAM

BOSTON vs BULLIES is an anti-bullying initiative presented

by The Sports Museum and the Boston sports community. It

features athletes from Boston’s professional sports teams

sharing their stories and providing kids in our community with

ways to stand strong against bullying.

Learn more about our athletes at

bostonvsbullies.org

THE INITIATIVE

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PROGRAM FUNDING

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• Understand the definition of bullying

• Learn how to help your kids

• If they are doing the bullying

• If they are being bullied

• If they are watching the bullying take place

• Learn what you and your kids can do about

cyberbullying

• Engage kids with disabilities in preventing and

stopping bullying

THE OBJECTIVES

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• Kids with disabilities can be active participants in

helping to prevent and stop bullying.

• It’s important to include all kids, with or without a

disability, in bullying prevention.

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On May 3, 2010, Governor Deval Patrick signed the

Bully Prevention and Intervention Law, joining 42

other states with similar legislation.

• All children – no matter their race, creed, ethnicity, nationality, sexual orientation, or physical abilities –have an inherent right to an education free of any form of bullying

Spirit of the Law

THE LAW

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BULLYING & KIDS

WITH DISABILITIES

Kids with physical, developmental,

intellectual, emotional, or sensory

disabilities are more likely to be bullied

than their peers.

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• 65% reported that their child had been victimized

by peers in some way within the past year

• 47% reported that their child had been hit by peers

or siblings

• 50% reported that their child was scared of their

peers

• 12% said that their child had never been invited to a

birthday party

From 2009 survey of parents of children with Asperger’s Syndrome

PARENT SURVEY

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High incidents of bullying of children with disabilities,

especially for children on the autism spectrum.

• Research shows 2 – 3x more likely to be bullied

than their non-disabled peers.

• Often lack social cognition and ability to take

someone else's perspective making them prime

targets for bullies.

National Autism

Association Report

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WHAT IS BULLYING?

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Bullying is emotional or physical abuse

that has 3 defining characteristics

1. It’s on purpose

2. It happens over and over again

3. It’s an abuse of power

WHAT IS BULLYING?

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Physical: Pushing, punching, beating up, etc.

Verbal: Teasing, name calling, threatening and inappropriate

gestures

Relational: Excluding, ignoring, spreading rumors, getting

others to turn against someone

Cyberbullying: Sending or posting hurtful, embarrassing text

or images using the internet, cell phones, smartphones, or

other devices

TYPES OF

BULLYING

Ask kids to give

examples of the different

types of bullying: verbal,

physical, relational, and

cyberbullying.

ACTIVITYLOOK OUT FOR BULLYING

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KIDS WHO DO THE

BULLYING

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• Enjoy using/abusing their power

• Crave attention

• May lack self-confidence

• May be having problems at home or in school

• May have been a victim of bullying

WHY KIDS BULLY

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• Denies he/she did anything wrong

• He or she trivializes the incident

• He or she counterattacks the victim

• He or she starts to cry and says he/she is the

victim

• He or she counts on the bystanders to back up

his/her story

THE REACTION OF

KIDS WHO BULLY

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• Set firm and consistent limits on bullying behavior –

bullying is never acceptable

• Be a positive role model

• Use effective non-physical discipline

• Teach children the effects of their actions on the

victims

• Develop positive communications with the school

• Help your child develop empathy through

volunteering or helping others

IF YOUR CHILD IS

BULLYING OTHERS

Provide examples of a positive and a negative statement. Then,

for each pair of statements, ask kids to answer the following

questions:

• How will the person you say this to feel?

• How will you feel?

• What will happen next?

ACTIVITY PREDICT WHAT COULD HAPPEN

Negative Statements

• “You’re ugly.”

• “You’re mean.”

• “Give me that.”

Positive Statements

• “You’re pretty.”

• “You’re nice.”

• “Let’s share.”

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KIDS WHO GET

BULLIED

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• Race

• Religion

• Sexual orientation

• Physical attributes

• Mental abilities

• National origin

• New to school

• Rich or poor

WHY KIDS GET

BULLIED

Kids can get bullied for any reason including:

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• Unexplained reluctance to go to school

• Fearfulness or unusual anxiety

• Sleep disturbances and nightmares

• Vague physical complaints, such as

headaches or stomachaches, especially on

school days

• Belongings that are lost or damaged

INDICATORS OF

BULLYING

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• Do not ask him/her directly

• Ask questions, such as: What goes on during

lunch? What is it like walking to school or riding a

bus? Are there any children who are bullying? Do

they sometimes bully you?

• Be a good listener – allow your child time to explain

how he or she feels

• Practice ways to stand up to bullying

IF YOU SUSPECT YOUR

CHILD IS A TARGET

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• Tell your that your child that he/she is a wonderful

and caring person who does not deserve to be

bullied

• Explain that children who bully have problems and

need help

• Develop a buddy system with an older student

• Help your child develop new friendships and

interests

POSITIVE THINGS

PARENTS CAN DO

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• You are pleased that they have told you

• You believe them

• Let them know it’s not their fault

• You’re sorry that it has happened

• There are things we can do to make the

bullying stop

LET YOUR CHILD

KNOW

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• Look the bully in the eye

• Respond in a calm, confident voice

• Talk to a trusted adult or friend

• Walk away

• Find a safe place to go

WHAT KIDS CAN DO

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• Keep it to themselves

• Retaliate

• Ignore the problem

• Blame themselves

WHAT KIDS SHOULD

NOT DO

POSTER

HERE’S WHAT YOU CAN DOWhen kids think ahead about what

they will say and do in a bullying

situation, they will be better prepared

to do the right thing if and when

bullying does happen.

• “What is happening in the picture?”

(A girl is being bullied)

• “What is the girl feeling?”

(Sad, scared, embarrassed)

• “What do you think she can do

about it?”

(Stay calm, take a deep

breath, remind herself that it’s

not her fault, find help)

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Three forms of bullying have been identified that

especially involve children with disabilities:

• Manipulative Bullying: A child is coerced and

controlled by another child

• Conditional friendship: A child thinks that

someone is their friend, but that friendship is

alternated with bullying behavior

• Exploitative Bullying: The features of a child’s

disability are used to bully that child

BULLYING & KIDS

WITH DISABILITIES

WORKSHEET

FRIEND DETECTIVE

This activity is designed to

help kids detect when

friendship is used in hurtful

ways to bully others.

• Discuss with kids, “What

makes a good friend?”

• Discuss with kids the

difference between

unconditional and conditional

friendship

• Review the criteria in the

chart to help kids detect who

is a true friend and who is not

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THE BYSTANDER

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• Afraid of standing up to the bully because they may,

in turn, become the target

• Fear being called “snitch,” “tattletale,” “rat,” etc.

• Are drawn into bullying by group pressure

• Feel unsafe

• Fear retaliation

• Believe someone else will help stand up to bullying

• Feel powerless or that nothing can be done to stop

bullying

WHY BYSTANDERS

STAY SILENT

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• Help the kid being bullied walk away

• Urge the kid doing the bullying to walk away

• Tell the bully to stop

• Play peacemaker

• Discourage the bully by expressing disapproval

• Defend the kid being bullied

Direct Intervention:

WHAT KIDS CAN DO

AS A BYSTANDER

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• Rally support from other kids to stand up against the bullying

• Show friendship and support for the kid being bullied

• Get help from a trusted adult

• Walk away from the situation

• Redirect the situations away from the bullying (change the subject or start a new activity)

Indirect Intervention:

WHAT KIDS CAN DO

AS A BYSTANDER

ACTIVITY

GAME PLANAll kids have the power to help other kids stand up to

bullying – but it takes practice and a team effort.

1. Have kids make a 3-step

game plan for how to

respond when they see or

hear about bullying

2. Create an All Star Team

3. Ask kids to role-play different

ways they could be a helpful

bystander – practice a variety

of responses

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CYBERBULLYING

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Cyberbullying is sending hurtful, embarrassing,

or threatening text or images using:

• Internet

• Cell phones

• Smartphones

• Any other digital communication devices

WHAT IS

CYBERBULLYING?

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• If you put something online, you can’t take it back

• You can’t control who will see what you put online

• Don’t share personal information online -- that

information can be used for cyberbullying

• Cyberbullying can cause a lot of damage by

reaching many kids very quickly

• Posting false or private information can isolate kids

and ruin reputations

• Don’t share your passwords with your friends

WHAT KIDS SHOULD

KNOW ABOUT

CYBERBULLYING

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• Don’t join in the cyberbullying

• Don’t encourage it by forwarding the message or

reposting it

• Intervene by showing support for the victim or telling

the bully to stop

• Get help from an adult

WHA KIDS CAN DO IF

THEY SEE CYBERBULLYING

WHAT KIDS CAN DO

IF THEY SEE

CYBERBULLYING

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• Check your child’s digital devices

• It’s best not to respond – kids who cyberbully like to

get reactions from their targets

• Report the material to the school, the police, and/or

to the website

• Block the person doing the cyberbullying by

deleting them as online friends or followers

IF YOUR CHILD IS

GETTING

CYBERBULLIED

• Talk to your child about bullying before it becomes

a problem.

• Pay careful attention to the warning signs of

bullying.

• Assure your child that if a problem occurs, you are

there to help.

• Be informed about your school policies about

bullying.

• Explain that everyone can help prevent bullying.

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BE PROACTIVE

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• Inform teachers, parents, and kids about bullying

prevention policies and procedures.

• Post rules and posters throughout the school.

• Monitor hallways, school yard, cafeteria, gym,

bathrooms, etc.

• Establish confidential reporting procedures and

follow up.

• Communicate regularly with families about bullying

prevention.

WHAT SCHOOLS

CAN DO

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• If you suspect your child is being bullied, talk with

your child.

• Explain that this is not his/her fault.

• Ask for details, listen carefully, watch your child’s

reactions.

• Explain that you can help and work together to solve

the problem.

• If necessary, speak with your child’s teachers or

principal.

• Tell your child that reporting is important and telling is

not tattling.

WHAT PARENTS

CAN DO

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Let’s Win This One Together!